SCP: Find Us Alive - 55: Near Miss

Episode Date: February 8, 2025

Did you hear that? It must have been the wind.This episode was written and produced by Anna Maguire and features the voices of Logan Laidlaw (Harley), Jackson McMurray (Lancaster), Tasch Ritter (Klein), Tabi Bardall (Love), Anna Maguire (Raddagher) and Ashley Quills (Cordell).Original music by Jackson McMurray.Sign up for our newsletter at hodgepodgeaudio.com for updates, info, art, and more.Join us on Patreon for exclusive behind-the-scenes content! Word of mouth is the best advertising, so be sure to share with your friends if you like the show!THIS EPISODE'S SPONSORS: Michaela Power, charles, Dr. Kauri, Wren-egade, BanefulRegularity, Kat with a K, MTF Omega-7 Zander, Bunny, Nice, Pbc98, Nikos0ul33, Pander, S_, NightCoffee365, Teacup Captor, trylesta, marco, KILO x district, Floxu, punkhippieboy, ShoralsHappy, theKelz, Brian Leach, TheDrunkMonk22, SkippyJon Jones, Crazynick254, RickyThis podcast and all content relating to the SCP Foundation are released under a Creative Commons Sharealike 3.0 license.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hello again listeners. It's Anna, writer and director of Find Us Alive. I have returned from the war. Are you enjoying hymns for the road? I hope so because I worked very hard on it. I am so happy to be back from hiatus. And today we have a whole bunch of listeners to thank. A very special thanks to Michaela Power, Charles, Dr. Cowrie, Renegade, Bainful Regularity, Cat with a K, MTF Omega 7, Zander, Bunny, Nice. PBC 98. Nico's Soul 33. Pander. S. underscore. Night Coffee 365. Ticup Captor. Trilesta. Marco. Kilo X district. Floxu. Punk Hippie boy. Shorles Happy. The Kells. Brian Leach. The Drunk Monk 22. Skippy John Jones. Crazy Nick 254. And Ricky. Thank you all so much for being so patient during our hiatus, and thank you for supporting the show. Also, don't forget to check

the show notes for all of this specific episodes sponsoring patrons. If you like our shows and want to help us move, while we make them, check out our rewards at patreon.com slash hodgepodge audio. It has changed. Or you can make a one-time donation at hodgepodgeodio.com under the support tab. That's patreon.com slash hodgepodge audio. Thank you for listening. Welcome back. Please enjoy the episode. Ah, good evening overwatch command. Has it been a while? I haven't reported on my status for a whole 24 hours. Have you missed me?

Well, neither have I. After the latest reset, after we dug out BC2 and unearthed various blocked doors, including Lancasters, I didn't come back here for a while. I didn't feel that I needed to. The only reason I bother to turn on my equipment at all is, for my own enjoyment. There's something comforting about it. I've been talking into a radio for so much of my adult life after all. And it's cozy in here. Nice and quiet. But yesterday I didn't bother. The reset went as smoothly as it was able as it usually does. I spent time with my colleagues,

my friends. We discussed the art gallery project. In the end, it didn't exactly land with everyone, Even though we had good participation across departments, it might be a while before psychology can persuade the whole site to do another one. Perhaps we can work out some kind of sport tournament. The A-B floor has a moderate amount of space, and it can't be that hard to build something that passes as a soccer ball. The fight club doesn't count. Their days are beyond numbered. Medical has lost their patience for unnecessary injuries. The trouble with trying to keep 100 people,

happy is that nothing keeps 100 people equally happy. Not everyone wants to make paintings or play sports. And the trouble with keeping several dozen highly educated people happy is that no one gets bored quite like those with tremendously hungry minds. Clyde, we need a break. You know that nobody here will actually take a break unless we make them take a break. Last cycle was hell. And the one before that...

I know, we need a break. My problem is if we've learned a break, The problem is, if we've learned anything from this, it's that none of these assholes can be left to their own devices without finding clever ways to cause a cool new disaster. Okay, engineering seems to be doing fine. What are they doing? I don't know, something with video games, but it, you know, it seems harmless enough.

Security's not gonna go for playing video games all day, much less multiple days. And we don't have enough computers for everyone. What do you suggest? I don't know. I could sit everybody down up here. and talk about rocks for two hours. Yeah, I guess you could... How long has it been since your college days,

Overwatch Command? It's been many years since I've set foot in a lecture hall myself. I enjoyed college. After my grueling, tedious sentence of public schooling, I was itching for more of a challenge. I wish I could say I was a better student. I was impatient and hated sitting still. High school was so easy that I never learned

to study. I loved my language classes, but I wish I'd applied myself more in other areas outside my personal interests. Youth is wasted on the young, as they say. But now may be my chance to learn beyond my comfort zone, because for the next several days we are trying out a new series of activities, classes, lectures, and workshops taught by our very own expert staff, myself included. Records has kind of created a scheduling sheet for us to choose our preferred time and place first come first served. There aren't many rooms that are conducive to larger classes, so some like the AB floor are sure to be highly contested. We're anticipating some light fighting over slots, but that should sort itself out quickly

enough. And we have sign-up sheets for students, different maximum attendees for different classes. I myself am hoping to reserve one of the larger conference rooms, as I imagine my workshop is going to be quite popular. I'm going up to reserve my time slot now, actually. It's still early. Records stapled the forms to the A.B. Floor bulletin not one hour ago, so I'm sure to have plenty of times in rooms to choose from.

Maybe 10 or 11 in the morning, when people are awake and alert, but not close enough to lunch for anyone to be hungry yet. I'll be right back, Saito-1. Don't see anything interesting while I'm gone. I'll be sure to tell you what interesting offerings my colleagues have to give one another. What's wrong? Have you seen anything lately? Any dash ones or twos?

No. This sucks. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. Everybody can see the dash ones just as good as us, and now it's boring in here. It's safer now. I know. And you couldn't break them in time anyway.

I'm working on it. I don't even need the chair anymore. And what are you doing anyway? Making an anamorphic dash one. What? Why? Didn't you just say you wanted more of them? Yeah, but you're not doing that for me. You were already doing it when I walked in.

Hmm. So... It doesn't work. Didn't we already try that? It should. I know what the skip looks. like I can make it. I don't know.

It's magic. Whatever. Or you gonna come up with me to check the classes? I don't want to do any classes. Come on. It'll be fine. I'm teaching one about dash two training with dump truck and highway and Kiki and Lala will be there. I don't want to train dash twos.

Oh, please. Maybe. It's not that bad. Why do we even have slots open for 5 a.m.? Some people like to get stuff done before breakfast. Breakfast is at eight. Who is doing things at five? Well, maintenance, they're busy in the morning. Busy doing what?

Making breakfast. Well, I don't think anyone from maintenance is going to want what I have to offer. You don't know that? They might love it. I'll see when sign-ups open for attendees. Have you written your lesson plan yet? Of course I have. Oh my god, how many pages is that? 25. Do you need all of that?

I am very prepared. Well, I'm sure your students will be grateful and they'll be very well informed. Lancaster Yes What do you usually do at 5 a.m? I often sleep Lancaster Look, it's...

Oh, never mind, it's fine, it's okay, I can do the workshop Without the support of my best friend Carly, I... No, it's fine, I don't need anyone. I mean, you're gonna do another class next week, right? I don't need anyone but myself I'll become a little earlier next time I don't see why...

Okay, I don't hate you. You're gonna miss out on the best class of the whole site. Now. I'm sorry, when... won't be able to make it, buddy. You certainly will be. Hello, Overwatch Command. I have bad news. I woefully underestimated how fast other people would be to the room reservation process. After just over an hour, almost every slot was filled, and I was left with a very good room at a very bad time. The good news is now I have a copy of tomorrow's class schedule. The selection

is a combination of exciting and confusing. Here are a few that I am. personally looking forward to. Ahem. Torres and Robinson are teaching a workshop on combat casualty care. Battlefield First Aid. Robinson says we'll be learning how to pack severed arteries and use tourniquets. It seems Torres wants to focus a large portion of their time period on American Civil War era field amputations, which, well historically fascinating, is a topic far too outdated to be practically useful.

but she did seem rather elated about getting into the finer details of the process. I am deeply intrigued by Gallo's presentation on ways. I know very little about them, aside from the basic overview, magical gateways used by anomalous groups for all sorts of travel and sometimes theft, so on and so forth. I'm curious about what parallels containment is drawn between them and our own situation's ephemeral nature. containment and research have certainly talked extensively about it before, but Klein says she will be attending anyhow. I have a suspicion it will be to mostly issue corrections.

Someone from Records is doing a lecture on database publication procedure. Klein is teaching her a thing about anomalous rocks. Hugh Sack for maintenance is doing some sort of cooking class. I expected there to be more fighting over the A-B floor, but it appears that no one is willing to contend with some. security over it. All of security. They have reserved the entire floor for the whole day for what they have labeled as whole. From their class synopsis, whole is a period of time when they will be convening to dig a big hole in the wall. Considering early experimentation revealed a nearly

endless repeat of mostly drywall, they would all like to see just how big a hole they can actually dig. They have brought up shovels and pickaxes from the small collections in storage that was left from before the foundation bought the property. Haldi maintains that the presence of all of security is a safety measure. So this could count as an experiment. I wonder if it's actually because none of them want to miss out. I don't imagine they're going to have much of an army lining up to spend hours of the day doing manual labor. But if it's what security would like to do, I'm happy for them.

Sit? Good boy. Roll over. Good boy. Go play. Ah! Ready. I think they're gonna do really good tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, what classes are you gonna go to? Come on, there's gotta be something. What about that engineering thing? Whatever. I'm going to help dig a hole. Good way to help build up my muscle. And I'm going to that thing somebody from the rogue faction is doing about taking guns apart and putting the back together.

I think it'll help my memory. Hmm. What's you thinking about? I don't know. You want to go back upstairs? Why did you become a field agent? I don't know. My mom and dad were military.

I was military. The foundation pulled me out to do bodyguard stuff. Why are you in surveillance? It's the only job I've had. You don't like it? It's fine. So you don't like it? I'm good at it.

That's not the same as liking it, though. I like it enough. It's a job. But if you could have any job, what's your dream job? Something on a boat, right? I don't know. Of course it would be. You love boats.

I don't know if I would like being on one. You would. Well, what if I didn't? I don't know. No boats in here, right? You don't have to work. worry about it. Hmm.

Come on. Sign-ups for classes open soon, at least come to one that I'm going to. Attendee sign-ups are closed overwatch command. And wouldn't you know it? Guess how many of those traitorous weasels I call colleagues signed up for mine? It seems everyone has better things to do than cable management with Dr. Harley at 5am in conference room one. Now I have seen the state of the offices in this building. No one has an excuse.

Even engineering, who arguably should be the most versed in this topic, have desks that look like they're being overgrown with black plastic plant life. Not to mention records. Everyone will appreciate your organizational tricks, I thought. Think of how clean their offices will be, I thought. It seems everyone is happy to live in a rat's nest of wires and cords. But not I! Not Dr. Harley! I have to know where things plug in.

I have to know which cable belongs and which device. My success at my job depends on it. And look at my desk! Stunning! Immaculate! Beautiful! Practically a work of art! I was even gonna teach them how to train extension cables. They would never have to worry about tango. again, and yet not a soul signed up.

But you know what people did sign up for? You know what has a 35-person wait list? Hull! Ugh! Of course I am a very good friend, and very good friends support one another, and to show them all what a good friend I am, I have signed up for as many classes as I possibly could. I'm only missing a few in the blocks that overlap with one another. That means I have a total of...

Hmm. Ten classes to attend tomorrow between the hours of 7 a.m. and 10 p.m. Maybe seeing my happy and enthusiastic face at all of their lectures will remind my peers of all the sacrifices we have made together. And maybe it will make a few of them feel just a little bit bad for skipping mine. Now, Cytte 1, I must go. I must get plenty of rest before my empty early morning work. On the off chance of somebody, one of my personal friends perhaps, does show up.

And even if not, I'll need all the sleep I can get to make it through the day. Tata! I heard, overwatch command, it is 6.30 a.m. As expected, attendance for my workshop was a resounding zero. I will be having a discussion with my therapist about it at a later date. Next, I have a workshop with maintenance, at which I have a workshop with maintenance, at which I have a will be learning how to make sour cream banana bread from the limited options in our pantry for breakfast. It's one of the classes I'm actually looking forward to.

I need coffee injected directly into my veins right now. It's not my fault. I'm not interested in your excuses. No, I can't overwork myself. It's too early. I have to save energy for hole. What about my energy? I'm doing hole two.

Oh, you're doing hole two? Yes, at one. Hole two isn't until five. They're taking a second hole? No, they're building a scale model of the site. Who? With what? Engineering.

In Minecraft. How long have they had Minecraft in here? The whole time. They had it the whole time and they were keeping it a secret and that's why they were 3D modeling the site. It's because they wanted to make blueprints. We have blueprints of the site. Minecraft blueprints. Ah, and why is it called hole two?

It's a game about mining. There's holes. Is that everything you need? Yes. Don't stand in my way. I have to get to newest sphere pattern recognition. I didn't know you like that abstract stuff. Overwatch Command, it is safe to say that lab mice do not like me.

What? Yeah, look what I made. What is it look so angry? It's just her personality. Excellent. Overwatch Command! I have just returned from digging a tunnel through the never-ending drywall for an hour, and I have never felt better in my life.

I admit they were really onto something with that hole. Yep. Nope. Yep. Okay, I only have ten minutes before I have to leave. That's just enough time for me to be able to tell you that Yaboah's class on behavioral endocrinology was, unfortunately, actually very interesting and I had a great time. Which means I can't rub it in Lancaster's face that my class was better than psychologists. And also Lancaster wasn't even there. Hey, what? What was that? Sorry if you heard that. It's part of the thing.

Everything's under... Hey, I can't hear myself. Thanks for the heads up! Saito 1. I do believe that my initial plan has failed. It is 10.15 at night. I just finished Todorov's three-hour seminar on themes and symbolism on Katsuhiro-O-Tomo's Akira. Insightful, as was the case for most classes I attended,

no one commented on my own class situation. In fact, most people seemed just happy to see me. Most classes, people were happy I was there, if not sometimes a bit confused or surprised to see me. And when I double-checked the schedule, mine wasn't the only class that didn't get any sign-ups. Nobody seemed interested in Featherman's 11 p.m. Potato Seedling Propagation Workshop either. I'll admit, I was just being childish. Of course, no one noticed that I was just taking their classes to spite them. Why would they? were just excited I was there. It was just too early a time, that's all. To be honest, it made me feel

guilty for being spiteful at all. And I did have fun, even if everything started to blur together. Next time, if we can develop more of a regular schedule, I'll pick the ones I actually want, and I won't do so many in one day, because God, I am tired. Tomorrow I will sleep in. I might go up to I'll put the drywall back on the hole so we have enough space to put the tables back. Maybe I'll check on Radiger. I didn't see her all day. Thank you for, uh, listening. Why did I, why did I have to wait out here?

Oh, well, you didn't have to wait at all. I want to, no, I just want to hear about the movie. It was, uh, what was that? How stuff worked, come on. Hello? Dr. Harley? Can you hear me? Dang, I think it's...

Yeah, yes. Yes. You read? Yes, I read. This is Dr. Harley at Site 107. This is Dr. Goodell at Site 64, receiving you loud and clear. Site 64. I finally made it through. It's been spotty.

I'm not sure if I'm coming through properly, but I think I fixed it. You're coming through, 64. I can. I can hear you. Harley? What's going on? What is it? Harley? Episode 55 was written and produced by Anna McGuire. voice of Harley is Logan Laidlaw. The voice of Klein is Tosh Ritter. The voice of Lancaster is Jackson

McMurray. The voice of Agent Love is Tabby Bardal. The voice of Radiger is Anna McGuire. The voice of Cordell is Ashley Quills. Original music by Jackson McMurray. If you like our show and want to support us, sign up for our newsletter at hodgepodgeoddyo.com. This podcast, along with all content relating to the SCP Foundation, is released under a Creative Commons share-a-like 3.0 license. Thank you for listening.