Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - BONUS: Siblings

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

We love them, we hate them, but at the end of the day they’re your siblings! Emma and Sophiena go through the ups and downs of growing up with brothers and sisters, plus they try to help listener Sarah who asked how to deal with bickering children. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Céline Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to our weekly bonus episode. Each week we're going to take a different topic. And we're going to chat about it and share our thoughts. That's right, and it can be on anything. We've talked about family holidays, feeding the babies.

And last week it was Halloween. So let's get into it. Emma, what's our topic for this week? The topic this week is... Siblings. Oh! Hmm. Nice! Emma, what's our topic for this week? The topic this week is siblings. Oh, nice. This one was suggested by Sarah. She says, hi ladies, my children normally get along really well,

but as they've gotten older, they've started to bicker a lot more and it's hard to know when to intervene. How do you deal with children needing space from their siblings? I feel like we've just been in is it intuitive is that the right word sarah read your mind yeah what's what's the word i'm looking for psychic yeah she read my mind because you were just talking about this right it was so maybe tell me you're listening without telling me you're listening yes i am with you on this one i'm a little bit in a pickle about this too because i've been

struggling with my two with the bickering yeah and i thought the holiday maybe helped because they relax and chill out and enjoy each other's time nope no we're just not having the best time of it and they've got on really well up to this point yeah yeah really really well but i don't know whether it's just a little bit of a development thing for colby yeah like he's just going through a phase where he's just that little bit bigger. He is very much someone that wants his own space, but Dottie is struggling a little bit with her play. I've noticed like her imaginary play.

She is looking very much for somebody to play with her. Yeah. She wants someone that's interactive with her and playing backwards before. She's been okay playing on her own. And also colby probably doesn't want to do the things that she wants to do no yeah he doesn't want to play he's very much he's obviously started his football we've been doing it for a couple of weeks now he's done his

football academy for the week so he's feeling like a proper little dude yeah like he's really into his personality he's really loving his after-school activities and i just think it's just a little bit of a disturbance in the apple cart i just think we just need to find our new normal and we haven't really had up until now touch wood anything to really test the family dynamics yeah and i feel like this is our this is our little test yeah i don't know any siblings that don't fight or didn't fight when they were younger oh we never fought me my, me, my brother and my sister. You never did. No, never. I was going to say, apart from Stefan's family, my husband,

he says they never fought. No. But they had big, quite big age gaps. And I think that was the difference. Like his, so he's got, it goes girl, girl, boy. So his sister was like nine when he was born. Okay. The middle one was like five.

And then Stefan was born. And he was just like this baby boy that everyone and they've got quite a close relationship and now as adults they're really close but he says he doesn't really remember them fighting when they were younger either and i don't know whether that's a boy girl thing or whether because the age gap was so big that they didn't really have anything to argue over but then i wonder if ours because we were so close you were really close we were three under three i see i was going to use that as my excuse for fighting with my sister because i fought the worst with my i'm the youngest and then my middle sister there's only 17 months

between us so i feel like we were terrible because we wanted to borrow each other's clothes we wanted to do the same thing we were just arguing we would physically fight i did fight with my older sister as well she's like four years older than me but it was worse between me and my middle sister and i think it's that close age gap where you want to be doing the same things all the time i would sneak into her wardrobe that kind of thing um and she would just beat me up so i think that's really normal yeah fair play uh can't blame her but now we're really close as adults, which I love. And I love that we're close in age now as adults. And we're kind of going through life stages at the same time.

And that's really nice. And you are the ones that have got the boys together? So I've... You and your middle sister? No, I've got obviously a little boy. And then the oldest has got a little boy as well. Yeah, my middle sister doesn't have any children. But I think it's really nice to get on with your siblings as adults because i've got friends who don't and i think for whatever

reason that's quite sad yeah yeah it's sad because you there's no relationship in your life that's like a sibling no they're like friends that you're related to yeah and i joke all the time but i say i don't really have to worry about my two having friends at school because they have each other they have their cousins they're friends for life yeah but they're the friends that we've created for them to be together forever and they are a force to be reckoned with as soon as you put my my two with my sisters four yeah they are they're a force to be reckoned with yeah take us down and it's survival of the fittest i say to roxanne you take that half i'll take this half yeah and we'll just survive.

Some days, like I said to you before, I go into the house, I don't even talk to my sister because it's just, it's utter chaos but it's such beautiful chaos and I love that

and that's, and I kind of, but then I want to say until my sister had children, we didn't really have the best of relationships but then we were still young. I was,

I was 19, 18 18 19 when my sister had her first she was 21 what's the difference between you she's 21 she was really close still yeah we are we are close in age only two years between us so I bet you've always been close to your twin brother always been close you've never had a fallout with him no is that because you're twins is that different I don't know he's just got this phenomenal personality. He's just a really incredible human. Like he's just so calm and so patient. And so he just has a really wonderful outlook on life. He just he I can't explain my brother to people. I feel very lucky that I have him because he is he is just such a he's just such a great person. And even my sister, my sister, they're both even person and even my sister my sister they're both even

though they're both very similar they're both very both very different is my sister will my sister's kind of the sit on the fence but she's always there my sister's like the mum of us three she'll mum and keep everybody safe but she doesn't really ever she doesn't really ever i say like she's very similar to you she keeps she keeps a lot to herself she's just always there and she wants people to know that she's always there but she doesn't cry she doesn't yeah she's not very an emotional person and she is she is she is my big sister and will forever wear the title of a big sister i feel like older siblings really step into that role my sister's like that and they carry it with such grace yeah she organizes everything she looks after everyone she worries

about everyone. They're so fucking calm. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. She's just so calm. She has four children. She has the most hectic life.

She works. And I just don't understand her. She's just this incredible swan. There's a lot of pressure on older siblings. I'm glad I'm the youngest. I'm glad I'm the youngest. By the time you come along, no one gives a shit.

No one gives a shit about me. They were like, fuck that one. And I was one of a twin as well. And they were just like, fuck it now. Just forget that one. This one's quite quite smart we'll keep an eye on that one but yeah my my brother's an incredible person and i yeah i don't i'd never never fought with

them but i think we're lucky as adults to be close to our siblings still because a lot of people aren't no but i also do think as well uh my mum was scary as fuck even now i'm scared of her love her dearly love with all my heart she's the most incredible woman fuck me that woman is feisty one she's a feisty one my mum so is that why you think you and your siblings she was just strict on her she just didn't allow the bickering probably so tight as well because it was like not you against your mum but like it was you had to behave yourself we were we were against her bless her heart growing up because my dad worked away so lot so much yeah and it was it was her to bring us all up and she just was not prepared to take no shit off nobody no and she but then you know there's so much now i take credit from my mum because i wouldn't be who i am today um because of who

she was and what she installed in all of us. And yet there's things, now I feel like it's normal for me to sit here and say, there's things that I wouldn't do that my mum did with us now. But there's also so much I'll take from what my mum did with me. But I just think it's a hard one, isn't it?

It's a hard one as to know how to keep it. I think it's- It's really normal, but that doesn't make it easier when you one isn't it it's a hard one as to know how to keep it i think it's it's really normal but that doesn't make it easier when you're dealing with it and you've got more experience of that than i have because obviously so far joseph's an only child i mean obviously we're having another baby and i really really hope that they get along because that's what i'm trying to do like i'm trying to give him a friend for life and I really hope that they it would make me really sad

if they didn't get along love each other and play together but that it's not obviously it's not all harmonious all the time

but siblings do fall out and I don't think you can't fight with anyone like you fight with your siblings like you'll fall out and then the next minute you'll be like yeah we're fine

whatever that's basically ours if now like as grown-ups we fall out probably more than we ever did when we were little but you don't hold a grudge no just move along no but chris doesn't talk to you nothing's ever bad happened to him and his brother they just don't they don't talk they just don't

have a strong relationship if they saw each other in the street they'd say hello but they don't have a tight relationship at all really what they've just got nothing in common or no there's what is this age gap between them seven years oh okay yeah um but yeah just not just not and to me i used to say all the time i used to be like oh we need to see your brother we need to do this we need to do that and we need to involve him and then chris was just like i'm fed up of doing it all the time right and he was just like you know there's got to be some give and take and what you're putting in you've got to get back out and he's just not one to be like you know what i'm not putting all the effort in and not getting it back and yeah we just don't we've never that's really interesting because i suppose

they didn't really grow up together if he was you know like when that baby was 10 chris was 17 yeah and chris was out all the time yeah he's he has a nickname that is very representing of him he was his nickname's monkey and he was literally monkey because he was in a tree every time his children every time his friends called from him and be like where's monkey chris was sat in a tree yeah um whereas his brother's a massive gamer so he was always inside always inside yeah i mean i suppose it's not guaranteed that just because you're born into the same household that you're gonna have loads of stuff in common or get along no you're kind of just forced to be friends yeah and it's whether or not you

pursue it or you don't yeah but it is a hard one to be in but i think it's completely natural because i think we're just testing they're just testing each other's boundaries yeah and they're finding their new normal yeah because chris pisses me off and i gotta you gotta relearn sometimes haven't you to be like yeah you just gotta manage it yeah you sit there and think don't you should i leave him okay we'll suck it up and we'll just... Should I leave him or should we have another baby? Oh, well, here we go. Here we are.

Ten years, let's have another baby and get married. Woohoo! Spice up your life. But no, you're completely not alone. It's completely normal. I'm sure it's really hard. I've got no idea how I'm going to diffuse those situations when I come upon them, when I have two children that are older, but I'm sure it's really hard. I've got no idea how I'm going to diffuse those situations when I come upon them,

when I have two children that are older, but I'm sure... How am I diffusing them at the moment? I am just trying to be very respectful for both. I'm also trying to make sure that I am showing them each other's space and boundaries. So when Colby goes upstairs, I say to Dottie, let's just take Colby up to his bedroom and make sure that he's comfortable and he's happy and I'll say to

him is there anything you want to do do you want to play a game with me and Dottie should we play up here should we play downstairs um or he's saying no I'm just going to chill up here on my own mum if that's okay so I'm making sure that she's seeing that he is having his boundaries and vice versa if Colby wants to help me I'm like dude you're gonna have to just come in here for a minute while i just help dotty because she wants me to play yeah and i said to him do you want to do you want to be involved in the lego do you want to play with us and he'll say no do you know what i'm just and he'll either take himself upstairs but i'm trying my best to make sure that they're seeing each other's yeah boundaries yeah seeing each other's what they're doing and in incorporating as much as i can there might be that one occasion where

they go do you know what yeah let's play a board game. Like we've been trying to make sure on a Friday night we're having a family games night. Yeah, that's cute. And trying to make sure that we just go down the bottom end of the garden.

All phones are off, tablets are off, no TV and we just have a board game and picky hits. Yeah. And it's nice at the moment. It's something that is,

the babies can look forward to. Yeah. So yeah, maybe try that. Maybe try having like an evening where you just do something together yeah that you all enjoy that you all enjoy pick a board game take it in turns they pick a different one every weekend yeah um and slowly slowly not to force it you know yeah and

they'll find their new normal joseph picked out monopoly in the shop the other day i thought that might be a little bit advanced tiny bit but i'm all maybe i feel like he is a genius i mean we've we've gone from eieio to now he's a banker yeah exactly he's gonna be just popping out properties maybe another 10 years but yeah but thank you for sending any new questions sarah and hopefully that's helped yeah if you have a topic suggestion or anything to add drop us a message the email is hello at secret mom pod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back on Monday with the main episode.

And our next bonus episode will be out on Friday morning. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mump Club. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star.

Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Celine Dion.

My dream, to be international star. Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas LeBlanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com