Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - BONUS: Sleepovers

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

We hear from Rebecca who wants to know how the ladies feel about sleepovers for the kids... And it's safe to say they both have strong opinions! Emma shares a few anecdotes from her sleepover experiences and Sophiena tells us how the children got on with their first sleepover! If you have any sleepover stories you'd like to share, email us at [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to Friday's bonus episode. Where Soph and I share our thoughts on a topic sent in by you. Yep, and it can be anything from finger painting to recorder practice. From day trips to night time routines. I'm excited, so let's jump in. So Emma, what's our topic today?

The topic this week is sleepovers. This one was suggested by Rebecca. She says, hi Soph and Emma, my suggestion is sleepovers. I would love to know what age you think it's appropriate to have one, if you think it's appropriate to have one, and what boundaries are there when you have one. Nice. Are you at the age where your children

would go for a sleepover yet? Seven and five? When do they start having them? To be honest with you, I don't know. This would obviously indicate that we are not... A sleepover family. No. I don't really...

Not that I don't let them have sleepovers. I'm too scared to let them sleep out of the house. So I thought by sleepovers, we were talking about like. Children. Children, where you go to like a party and there's like a group of people sleeping over someone's house. But you don't even let them sleep over with like a family member. No. So they've never slept anywhere apart from in their own house.

They've slept at my brother's house once. Without you? Yes. Right. It was traumatic. Was it? i didn't sleep very much were they very little no it was recently it was like it was this year oh it's their first sleepover and they they talk about it a lot they didn't like it they loved it oh they did they would like to go every single weekend but my brother bless his heart he's a busy man he's got a lot of work and him and his wife do a lot of traveling so they aren't always around but my sister's always like oh they can come for a sleep over here she's mad she already has four children so it'd be six kids six yeah and that's a lot but when it comes to parties i don't know if mine are too little my sister's had sleepovers yeah

when does that start happening then so my nephew just had one for his birthday and i feel like my second to youngest niece has just had one and she's just turned 10 okay so i want to i want to say maybe like 10 10 11 maybe when they go to i don't know yeah but i don't really know how i i'm generally scared i'm really scared about it i think like letting them go and stay with family we've had to do that already and that's like a bit weird but like fine it's not been a problem you're okay with him being yeah well also sometimes it's been necessary like we wouldn't have been able to do loads of stuff unless he could go and stay with yeah to be fair it's only been his grandparents so either stefan's mom and dad and my mom and dad um or what they'll do is come to our house and stay for the night obviously he always sleeps

better in his own bed but yeah we've had to do i have to do ones where he's stayed with other people um we've had like weddings and stuff like that otherwise we wouldn't have been able to go to yeah um and it's been fine but i would be scared of him going to like a group sleepover with friends yeah i mean obviously we're a way off but that must be scary when that first happens really scary because speaking from my oh they were awful speaking from when i was little yeah i was such a home girl even i'm homely now they used my mom used to have to come pick me up yeah early hours of the morning i had a few of those and my mom used to say every time i went there i'd be like i'm not i'm gonna sleep tonight mom i am i'm gonna sleep on this one i promise you mom i'm gonna sleep on this one she used to be like you better because

i'm not i'm not coming to get you at three o'clock in the morning and then that was it i'd be crying my eyes out do you know what was embarrassing back in the day as well was that obviously we didn't have our own mobile phones no so when you were scared as someone else you had to go to their parents go to the landline yeah and they used to phone off the landline they used to stand next to you didn't they in their dressing gown yeah and they'd be like i the landline. They used to stand next to you, didn't they, in their dressing gown. Yeah. And they'd be like, I can't sleep. Can I phone my mum and dad to come and get me? Every time. And I'd done it like every other week.

And my mum used to be so mad at me. I was pathetic. I didn't want to stay at anybody else's house. But I never did a party of a group. It was only ever one. One on one. One house. Yeah, me auntie Sue's.

It was only ever one house that I was meant to be staying at. I remember of my first ones i went and stayed over at my best friend's house we must have only been like six or seven i wet the bed which was a it was a trend for me back in the day to be quite honest though sorry what happened to my voice then did you hear that though is that better yeah thank you i um that's my that's my fear though i think i'd be scared though that i'd wet the bed because what if one you're in a strange environment yeah two it's dark in somebody else's house yeah three it's scary you know i just didn't like as well like the different nighttime routines that people had like people would watch different things on telly and they'd like go to bed earlier than i would and I was just like this is shy I would rather be at home but that wet in the bed incident put me off for ages bless you and then all the big group ones

were awful like I remember nothing terrible happened to me but I remember like people getting their eyebrows shaved off and stuff like that ones that happened at secondary school Jesus Christ yeah who were you hanging around with i know i went to a rough school but yeah and then one of them that was at my house my dad came down the stairs naked in the middle of the night so no one ever wanted to come and stay at our house they all wanted to come and stay at our house again i'm joking they all wanted to come to us no one wanted to come back to us i think he thought we were getting burgled forgot there were eight girls downstairs in the middle of the night and and ran downstairs with um so we now all know that your dad sleeps naked sleeps naked like me that's where i got it from like father like daughter did your mom sleep naked too not sure it's a very personal question

i don't know why i don't know if she'll so incredibly sorry i'll ask her and get back to you please maybe in the whatsapp chat maybe sorry Dad. But nothing good came of them is my point. I don't think I even had one when I was, oh no, I did. I did have one when I went into secondary school because you always are the one on the floor, aren't you? And you used to wake up in the morning, you just got to lie there waiting, haven't you? Yeah.

When are my parents going to come pick me up? And I always feel like that weird person, you just used to stare at them sleeping, didn't you? And you're like, wake up now. And then you could see their eyes or see them move I always feel like that weird person, you just used to stare at them sleeping, didn't you? Like... Wake up now. And then you could see their eyes or see them move and you'd go, oh, morning. What's the time? Bloody hell, it's 10 o'clock, I've been up for four hours.

Yeah. Desperate to go home. You'd have a crap night's sleep. You'd be so tired. Your next day would be ruined. You'd have eaten so much Haribo that you'd feel like shit. you'd have watched a scary movie that would traumatize you for life that was me all the time they used to put these scary movies on i never fucking slept what was the vhs of choice ours was always um i know we did last summer blockbusters um well no we tended to have

like american pie oh because i was never allowed that in my house i used to get really overexcited like yeah let's get american pies yeah yeah it's scary to be honest i i i hated them and i hope my children hate them as well i think it's a testament as well to our parents that we like to be in at home the best right because they'd created such a nice like home environment yeah but then you i always took such offense on people like i want to stay at your house. Why? Your mum's well-stressed. Oh, no, really? My mum's really cool, actually. We're allowed to go to bed late. I've got really cool. It wasn't.

My mum used to say, shut up! Go and bloody sleep! I was like, oh, God. I don't want anyone around my house. I don't want you to sleep around my house anyway. I want to sleep in my own bed and have a good night's sleep. Yeah, I don't know what it is about sleepover. I just wasn't a sleepover gal.

No, I'm still not. Like, at uni, I lived't know what it is about sleepover. I just wasn't a sleepover gal. No, I'm still not. Like at uni, I lived with six girls. They used to bed hop around like all the time. Like sometimes they'd be like, oh, it'd just be fun to like sleep in each other's beds tonight. And I'd be like, get out, no. I'm not sharing my bed with anyone. She's single as well.

Yeah, that's why I've got no friends now. That's probably why I don't have many friends. So I don't really know what an appropriate age is. I probably would say 10. Yeah. Or maybe like when they're like year seven of school because i think there's a lot going on they're very diddy aren't they and it's a lot emotionally to try and yeah put them through of knowing like toilets i don't know i don't know how i feel about them my sister always says oh would you do a sleepover and i just don't know i know you don't want them to lose out that's the thing i don't want them to miss out if everyone else is doing it but i also don't want to put them in a situation like

i know in my heart sat here now that if i was to put colby at somebody else's house that wasn't family he would freak the fuck out and also it's just worrying like the unknown you don't know what's going to happen to them what if he gets his eyebrows shaved off yeah you'd be devastated yeah or he sees someone's naked dad yeah traumatized for life or people would try and put your finger in a cup of water to make you wet the bed wet the bed children do shit like that which is horrible and i wouldn't want to put my child i would say that me and emma are too traumatized yeah we're not good given honest opinion on this but yeah strange one but then saying that my niece is like 14 and she does them does she she stays at like her friend's house but that's like a

her best friend yeah maybe like a one-on-one when they're a bit older would be quite fun just don't know i feel like i do feel like sleepovers though are one of those things that's a dying era because you just you i feel like we don't live in as a forgiving world anymore, do we? Do you think even with your, like, if they were friends, you wouldn't send them over to someone else's house? No. No, I think I'd be too worried. And I'd equally also be worried that somebody, another parent would be comfortable with leaving their child at our house.

You know, you just don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And I just think sometimes it's you know i'll have them all in the house you know and they can come till god knows what hours of the day and then get out yeah i just i feel like i'm going to be so much better in that environment when the children are bigger yeah like i'm talking uh young adults like i feel like i'm going to be better because also do you think if you never let them do it they like you almost like it's a good to push them out of their comfort zone kind of thing and get them used to it otherwise they might like never be able to not sleep at home which might be like when I went to

uni for example I was absolutely pathetic and homesick because I had just loved being at home my whole life yeah and then suddenly when I moved out and had to live and sleep somewhere on my own I didn't like it and I think some children have been better prepared for that when they feel like you kind of yeah i get what you're saying and you kind of have to do it i think i just worry like you just don't know and i'd generally be scared and then i what if my children are too scared to come home and say something and say do you know well i don't think your children will because they're they've got a very open relationship with you and they tell you everything what's good now is that children have phones so they could text you and be like i'm not having a good time can you come and get me yes i get that that was harder in the old days i guess

it is going to be have to be a point where i do kind of let go yeah because like you said i do want them to to find their own feet and to to learn but i think me personally maybe 10 11 yeah because i think that if he didn't have a phone i probably wouldn't do it so until he's got like a phone that he can do that yeah then maybe yeah like you said the phone would make me feel more comfortable yeah i just always think with every scenario in life i just always go to the worst yeah and then i just think do you know what no forget let's just stay home i know we've been very pessimistic I hope we haven't put you off with all our yeah sorry Rebecca yeah you have to go with your own heart but I like yeah like you said I do feel like I need to I'll need to do it yeah and we'll have to at some point yeah because they're going

to need that little bit of independence and life experience. And if they lose an eyebrow. So be it. So be it. It's about your childhood, isn't it? It's all memories. It'll grow back. And if you wet the bed. Do you know what? Don't worry.

I was doing it until I was. So do I. 35. I was going to say I did it last week. Don't worry about it. I was going to say when I drunk too much. I can't joke about that anymore. It's actually gets to a point where it's less embarrassing.

Like I feel like when you're an adult you can own it when you're a child it's like still mortifying if you're like six or seven you're wet in the bed now i'm just like oh what the bed lol what are you gonna do change the sheets yeah change the sheets but no i think it's a you just have to be i feel like you'll know in your mind when you're ready. Yeah. I feel like with that one, it's something that you know. And you know your child as well. Like some children mature quicker than others. So much. Yeah.

And I think it makes a difference if you know your children's friends' parents as well. That makes it a little bit easier. That's a big thing. Yeah. That is a big thing for me is to know the parents as well. Know where they're going. Yeah. But I hope we didn't scare you

we might have scared you we're never gonna do it but it's that's my honest feeling i wouldn't want to sit here and say oh yeah it's great do it i think it's the best thing you're ever going to do yeah that's my genuine and honest opinion and how i feel and i wouldn't want to ever give anything other than yeah my honest you know yeah and that's truly how I feel I do I do get scared about things and I don't want to scare anybody else but that's how it is that's just that's my opinion I don't even have sleepovers with my husband anymore so she doesn't she doesn't have sleepovers anymore they just have itchy legs in the kitchen you're obsessed with that my kitchen's too small I'm only jealous really can't swing a cat in my kitchen so what do we all think is there anything anybody would like to add to it so maybe someone

someone else can give us some great advice yeah that's a more positive yeah maybe some more positive but some nice positive stories on it yeah yeah because our kids haven't done it yet so let us know it's like one of those things is unless you've been in it and you know it yeah you can give advice because we do it's like when you don't have children you say when i'm a mum i won't do this and then you become a mum and you think it's all bullshit what a deluded bitch i was yeah god who did i think i was so naive uh you can drop us a message on the email it's hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back on monday with the main episode and we'll

have a brand new topic to discuss every Friday in our bonus episode. And let us know if you have a bonus topic idea you would like us to discuss. All ideas are welcome. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club!