Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - Fu Fu Crumbs

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

It’s been a week of trips with the kids for Sophiena and Emma, with one being surrounded by sand, and the other in a dodgy hotel. Sophiena is spoiling us with not one… but TWO secrets and Emma shares all of the secrets you’ve been sending in, including dealing with biting toddlers, postpartum and a “fartectomy”. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Before we get into this episode, I'd just like to make a public services announcement. I've been drinking Prosecco and we are recording this on the day that we actually recorded the special edition. Yes, this episode comes to you slightly delayed because somebody... We've been drunk for four weeks. No, somebody delayed things by getting engaged. Baby! So enjoy this episode. It's going to roll in.

We're a little bit behind schedule, but it will catch up and stay tuned because you're in for an absolute bloody treat. A ride. Buckle up, bitches. And enjoy the ride. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma.

This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. Yeah, you can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome here in the Secret Mum Club.

It's catchy, isn't it? Alrighty. How's your week been, Soph? My week has been good. Yeah? I've had a really, really lush week. We've got a lot to catch up on. I went to see, me and Dotsie went to London.

Yeah. On our own. Oh, yes. took her on the train I saw that by herself how was it well obviously not by herself she was with me

packed her off on her own but we've never been she's never been on the train like we've done the Santa trains yeah but we've never done the real train and as well

I feel like I'm okay in London now travelling because I've got kind of used to it but I've never just done it with me and one of the babies yeah like me and Colby haven't just done it so it was a big deal for me yeah I was trying so hard not to get not scare her yeah

because I was shitting myself why I don't know I'm a bit of a I do get worried are you a like a panicked traveler yeah like I worry about the things that I can't prevent I can't stop them from happening if they're gonna happen they're to happen what kind of thing like doing getting the wrong directions or getting lost that kind of thing uh just mainly like needing a poo death when you're out but train just derails and we end up flying across the just death it's like and that's something just that's so irrational to think of but i will just think of it or then i panic about someone stealing the children someone just scooping and running because I think

God I can't run I had too many mince pies at Christmas I haven't burned it off my stamina is shit they'd be gone gone before you know it honestly

and that really frightens me no that is a yeah but we survived it and we had the best time yeah what did you do? we went to see Frozen in the theatre oh it's meant to be really good did she love it? hands down the best show I Yeah, what did you do? We went to see Frozen in the theatre. Oh, it's meant to be really good.

Did she love it? Hands down the best show I've ever seen in my whole entire life. It was phenomenal. She was like glued on the end of her seat the whole time. There was bits where it went like a little bit quiet and she was just like, is it over now? And I'm like, we've not even cut to the break yet. We've still got to have a commercial break and come to part two.

But no, she really loved it. It was loads of fun. Is that the first time she's been to the theatre? Yeah. First time. Because we've not done panto or anything. Because, again, we were in lockdown. Yeah.

So we've not done all of these things. So we haven't done pantos or Christmas shows or anything like that. So it was our first time at the theatre. And she sat through the whole show? She sat through the whole show. Amazing. I just found it so baffling. And then we stayed in this hotel.

I won't name the hotel. Was it bad? Oh, yeah. There was like leather chains on the bed, like leather buckles on the bed head. And there was like bunny rabbits everywhere. And they had like leather collars on. And I literally rung Chris at one point.

And I was like, I think I've booked an adults only hotel and I think I might be in a brothel bought my four-year-old daughter but to be fair the hotel room was a little bit iffy but we went upstairs to the roof bar and it was wonderful we saw the whole of London was it in Soho no it was I won't question you on the specifics i was just going to say if you book a hotel room in soho then you've got to be careful we walked we're near soho so we walked to have breakfast in soho my friend was like what made you choose soho and i was like well it's the only place open for breakfast because we had to be in and out like we had to be up and out of the hotel at like half seven because dotsy was like come on let's go exploring london i was like yeah no one gets up

really this early. We've got to slow down a bit in London. Yeah. But she was up and ready and we were out walking. I had the little city mapper on. What did you go and see?

Walking around. We went for breakfast. And? Yeah, we got breakfast. We had to lug a suitcase around. Did you see any landmarks? No. Eminem World?

Yeah. Yeah. We saw that the day before though. All right. Yeah, we saw that the day before though. All right. Yeah, we saw that the day before. I knew you were going to go there. Yeah. We didn't go in because the queue was too big.

We just walked past. Just admired it from the outside. And I was like, oh, we'll go for a lovely dinner as well the night before, like going before the theatre. I was just like, oh, we'll go for a nice dinner. Where do you want to go? She was like, McDonald's. I knew you were going to say that.

McDonald's. They always want to go to McDonald's. And it was so's they always want to go to mcdonald's and it was so packed we had to go to burger king oh and it was same same yeah much for muchness really but yeah no it was it's been a lovely week oh no because i feel like the last couple of weeks what with school and stuff it's been a little bit it's been a bit rough isn't it yeah the hospital and then school and just all it just consumes me sometimes and i think because I don't let it out or talk about it or just get it off my chest I just let it boil up inside of me you know so it was nice to just step away step away from my phone and enjoy some time with with darts and it was really sweet it was really sweet oh that did nice time and your week we went

on holiday stop it it. To Wales. Did you not share any of this on your socials? I did a little bit, I think, yeah. But it actually felt like, like when I go to Wales, I don't normally say I'm going on holiday because it's just where my husband's family lives. So like we go there quite a lot and it's nice and everything, but they don't normally get the weather. But we went like that week that it was just really hot,

really beautiful, lovely. I've never been there when the weather's been like that and it genuinely felt like being on like a foreign holiday it was amazing so when you go to France and people are like oh you can't just go to France for holiday but it's so beautiful yeah yeah but obviously in Wales it does normally I've been with my husband for 15 years and it does normally rain there like all the time so I've never been there when the weather's been this nice and it was just stunning they've got his parents have got a caravan I say caravan it's like a luxury static home beautiful by the seaside in Pembrokeshire so it was just lovely we just went down to the beach every day we went to the pub it was just

really chilled really lovely we took Joseph to the farm it was so cute yeah saw little piglets that had just been born we saw the baby lambs the baby goats he had just a whale of a time slight um issue was that he hated the beach and that was like the main activity of the holiday being on the coast yeah he absolutely hated it he hated the sea he hated the sand he, just wanted to sit on his little mat and put things in a bucket. Yes. Which really he could have done that anywhere. I feel like this is really common though at Joseph's age. Is it?

Yeah. Because I'm really hoping he gets over it because this is going to be holidays for the rest of his life. I want to say as well, it's a boy thing, not a girl thing. Do you think? Because Colby hated the beach. Really? Hated it probably till he was about three. Like hated, hated the sand in his toes

i had to wash his toes wash his feet constantly and then if he'd have a sandwich and the sand got in the sandwich he'd have an absolute meltdown about it didn't want to be in the sea didn't like the water splash splashing his feet no just nothing about it no it's hard as well because like as an adult nobody loves sand on them like i do do love the beach, but I hate the sand. Do you? But when you've got a baby, you can't be like, if he wants to be picked up or carried and he's covered in sand, you can't be like, no, don't get sand on me.

Sorry, mum is not about the sand. Sorry, don't touch me with your sandy paws. So I had to like pick him up and deal with it. I thought you said sandy paws. He definitely had those as well. Do not come near me with those sandy balls. I say that's crystal. But obviously you just have to suck it up.

You cannot suck up those sandy balls. You can't say, no, I'm not picking you up. So he's got his sandy balls all over me. It's a free exfoliator. Just sit on the beach and just be like, what are you doing, mum? Getting an exfoliator. Exfoliator? Exfoliation? We've had so long off, we can't talk anymore.

It's these things in my mouth. It's those retainers it's these I just everyone's getting the weather sod the news just giving everyone a right rain forecast

over the phone at least you've got you're like this like at least you've got an excuse anyway so he's the same with grass as well actually

he will not go barefoot on grass sand nothing so you just have to carry him everywhere and I'm just like this i hope he gets over it by the time he's like but next year basically you know what i'm

gonna say he has got you so wrapped around his little finger i know but you know what i i think it's genetic because i used to be exactly the same when i was young i didn't like anything like that i was so like oh see i never wore shoes oh yeah i used to love being barefoot i was all about comfort like my mum had to take a spare um if we went to the beach or swimming she had to take a spare dry swimming costume with us wherever because i would not sit in a wet one no no as soon as i got out of the water she had to take that off change it into the dry one and i just think i've really passed that on so it's my own fault but we love him for it we do love him and we did still have a lovely time i Oh, I'm so glad.

The weather has just been incredible. Oh, amazing. And it makes such a difference, doesn't it? It just makes everyone so jolly. Yeah. The half-naked people on the street just gives you such a buzz, doesn't it? Honestly, if I can leave the house without carrying a jacket, it just makes me so happy. It makes you feel so alive, doesn't it?

It does. When you can go out and you can actually shave your legs because you've got to get them out. I still don't shave mine. No, to be fair, I only shaved them today just for you otherwise i would have just left them hairy emma and i really want to hear from you we do we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about or even just say hello is it me you're looking for? You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mum Pod or you can email us.

It's hello at secretmumpod.com. And we have a very exciting addition to this episode because we've had so many messages. Yes. And we're going to read some of them out. Yeah, we've got one here. It says, hi, Safina and Emma. I loved your first episode.

I just wanted to share a top tip that I learned from a midwife after I had my babies. When you're in labor, I loved your first episode. I just wanted to share a top tip that I learned from a midwife after I had my babies. When you're in labor, you do your breathing technique for pain relief, like you're blowing bubbles in the garden. The same technique of blowing bubbles is also a great one for getting poo out. What? What? It creates a pressure change through your abdomen, which can help the poo slide out.

Wow. Hope this helps. Can't help with your phobia, Soph. I have the same one about public poos. Oh, okay. Nothing to do about that. I thought that was going to help her poo at water. No. I hope this helps. Can't help with your phobia, Soph. I have the same one about public poos. Oh, okay. Nothing to do about that. I thought that was going to help her at water. No.

Blowing bubbles. Like you would go like. Oh, is that too loud for you? Is that horrible? ASMR, ASMR, ASMR. They say go like do short breaths when you're in labour, don't they? Like. We're blowing each other now.

I'll blow you if you blow me it's not that kind of show i um try that next time you need a poo i thought you could say next time you have a baby next time you have a baby do you know what i was gonna say though as well when you're in labor they do tell you to push like you're having a poo and i personally thought that was wrong oh really because when i had colby to when i had dotty when i had colbs i was pushing like i needed a poo but with dotty it was the bit in between i was pushing the bit in between yeah the perineum that when you're pushing down now i'm not pushing my bum or my foo i'm just pushing the bit in between yeah and which labor do you think was

yeah but second baby though. It's meant to be a bit easier, isn't it? Not easier. It is meant to be a little bit easier, but I felt like being that I'd pushed both babies, I felt like I pushed completely different with Dottie. Oh, really? Than I did with Colby. I just had way more control.

I think you probably knew what you were doing more as well. Yeah. And was she a smaller baby? No. She was fucking massive. She came out like a little Buddha. She was so swollen. Honestly, one of those things I don't ever talk about

is the first moments of seeing Dart. What did she look like? Crazy. Your face. Don't people, I love my children so incredibly much, okay? She was so swollen. And I just said to the lady, I was like, that's not my, obviously I was on swollen and i just said to the lady i was like that's not my obviously i was on gas and air i was like that's not mine she was like that's your daughter i was like mom don't you dare take a

picture of her my mom was trying to take pictures of her she was just this big purple swollen and it's that whole thing isn't it because you're like where's that instant reaction like I'm meant to love them instantly the moment they come out and I was just like but then I absolutely adored Colby the moment he came out he was the most beautiful cleanest

scrummiest baby he had these big lips big eyes and he was just stunning dots wow she looked like a cabbage batch baby you know them little dolls

you used to get when we were little girls cabbage batch kids or cherry berry she used to eat the cherry since she was always baffled as to where them cherries went off that spoon look she's grown into her looks now she has stunning yeah the swelling the swelling did go down but it's completely normal to have that yeah no when i when my mum had me she thought i was i was so swollen down below she thought i was a boy i did and i said that's quite common because i thought she had a yeah i was like we've had a boy yeah and i kept saying to chris it's a boy he was like no she's got a foofy and i said no it's a boy it's so

swollen the lady was like no no that's just because she's so she's just very swollen i'm pleased to report i have recovered from that now okay 35 years on we've got another email here it says i completely agree with co-sleeping my little girl is five with additional needs she hasn't slept all night in her bed since she was maybe eight months old she comes to me and i let her sleep because i get sleep too it's hard being a mum and you do what you have to do oh absolutely that is so so sweet and it is but there are that we're their safe space aren't we yeah they need us when they're happy, sad, hungry, tired. Yeah.

Like, why would you not want them in there? Yeah. Because it's not going to be for forever. We say this all the time, don't we? And it's like we said when we talked about co-sleeping, like, you just do what you have to do. And if you're both getting more sleep, hell yeah. Everyone's a winner, baby.

Hell to the yeah. So you can get in touch with us about anything at all. As we've said, it can be serious or silly and you can get in touch with us about anything at all as we've said it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we have probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that so you're taking us five episodes. Each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the Secret Mum Club. So shall we kick it off with my secret of the week?

Secret of the week. I actually have two. What a treat. Okay. So one ties in with London last week. Yeah. And I don't know how anyone else feels about it because I'm a little bit on the fence. I'm a kind of defensive and also... What's opposite to defensive um not defensive not that would make utter sense so I obviously took dots to London didn't I yeah but then I felt really bad that I haven't or don't

have anything planned in for Colby I was going to say that actually was he all right about you just going off and having a girl's day but we make it very apparent that we're going to have like our day and we and I have done stuff with him but obviously it's only what you show on social media because we know we only share what we want people to see you know kind of thing so it's kind of one of those things where I was a bit like oh I know I need to get something booked in and I felt guilty but then when people kept asking oh you you going to do something special for Colby? I actually got really defensive. It was a bit like,

just because I've done something with one child doesn't mean that I have to now instinctively go, right, next week we're doing this. I know that's great and in an ideal world, but I always feel like the special things should be special. And if we're doing them every other week, like there might be a time like yesterday we went to Tesco's and I took both children to Tesco's to give Chris some time at home on his own

but in the first instance only Dottie wanted to go and I was like Dots was like don't tell Colby we'll go together girls day and I was like no we need to ask him and he can make the decision as to whether or not he wants to come or doesn't and like with the Frozen I was like you can come or you can stay at home with dad like the decision is yours yeah but it's always so hard because I want it to be something so special but I don't want to feel like I've got to do something every single week yeah in a way I was I was a bit like oh god I feel so shit that I'm not taking him but also that like people assume that they know everything that you're up to like you might do something nice with him every day and people don't necessarily know about it but we do might not be showing it yeah yeah that's what i mean we do do something special

don't we as parents i feel like life in general together time together is so special yeah and i just feel like i was so defensive i was like don't even ask me if i'm doing something special for colby because as well i just want to say like i don't want people to feel the pressure like if they're spoiling one child yeah because it's something that they would really love. And somebody might have saved up for something so special that they have to wait a few months to do something, you know? Yeah. You don't have to just be like equal for the sake of being equal. Do you know what I mean?

Like those special moments will come up like as and when they come up. But it was so hard. And you almost become like resentful then. You're like, I'm not going to do something just because everyone's telling me that I should do something. You do then feel like you need to conform, like you need to go, oh, okay. Like you need to prove something. Yeah. Yeah, to people.

Yeah. I mean, he's older, so he did have two special years with you. Without Dottie. Without Dottie. I don't think I did. Can you imagine how much is what I'm, listen. Listen, you might not remember, all right? But we had two whole years.

We had two whole years without her. So. Stop complaining. It's so hard. And as well. And he's not one really to. And because I don't make a point of it. And I don't say, oh, because Dottie's having her special day.

I'll take you for a special day. I'll just be like, do you know what? We'll wake up on a Saturday and I'll go, do you know what? You and me, we're going for coffee. Yeah. Sub the other two. You and me together. You know, like that's my special, special thing.

But when it's something big obviously I am basking it but you know when you're like I was so torn between should I feel bad or am I wrong for feeling angry at feeling like I should have to that's just the pressure isn't it my parents are still like that and we're all like in our mid to late 30s me and my sisters and they're like so strict about doing everything like absolutely equally. Like Christmas presents, my mum will be like, well, I've got so-and-so this,

so I need to spend like 20 more pounds on you. And I'm like, honestly, don't worry about it. Like it's fine. It's not the value. It's just like the thought of it. I don't mind. Or if you take someone else out for lunch because they happen to be with you on that day,

like you don't have to balance it out but i think as a parent you'll just always feel guilty i think that's a huge thing as well exactly the same yeah and that's so huge because come christmas now where colby's gonna be seven this christmas his gifts are so small but so expensive whereas dotty's only coming up four her gifts sorry she's coming up five. Her gifts are, she could have loads. Yeah. That's of a smaller value.

So it looks like she's getting lots more. And it's something we have to talk about every year to the babies. It's mind-blowing to them. Yeah, because you just, they just see all these gifts and go, why has she got so many? She's got more than me. And I have got none. Basically what I do now is I just wrap like a game in a box, in a box, in a box, in a box. And make it look massive. And then massive. And then there's more to unwrap. Yeah. Yeah. God. Basically, what I do now is I just wrap like a game in a box, in a box, in a box, in a box. And make it look massive.

And then massive. And then there's more to unwrap. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. I feel like that's... Top tip there. I know.

Top tip. Join me today, guys, for my top tip of the week. Tips from the top. Tips from the top. Tips from the top. No tissy crew here. No tip. Tip.

Top tips. Titty tips. Top tips from no tips. That's what I... Which Roz is nicely into. Secret number two. I know you're spoiling us this week. I know, I know. I am absolutely mortified, right?

So I was on the toilet the other day. Plus, yeah, not more toilet stories. Christ. Everything happens on the toilet. It always comes back to the toilet. It's like the diary room in our house. So Dox was in the bath. I sat on the toilet. It always comes back to the toilet. It's like the diary room in our house. So Dots was in the bath. I sat on the toilet. Obviously took my knickers down

as normal. And there was... The period? No. Discharge. Oh, right. Something else this time. Yeah. So Dots was like, Mum, what's in your pants? I was like, oh, you know, it's just girl things. Just like ladies, older girl things. And she was like, oh, okay. She okay she's like that's something I get crumbs in my fufu sometimes

and I was like all right okay then she was like but don't worry I've got something that will help with your crumbs in your fufu and I was like oh okay I'm all ears girl tell me your tell me your tips I need to know everything she's like, I just take this really lovely fluffy sponge and I just rub it up and down on my foo-foo. And I was like, oh, what fluffy sponge? And she was like, oh, let me get it for you. I know. That would be my cleansing sponge for my face.

So I've been washing it. She just went, that's bad times for you, isn't it? I have got your foofy crumbs on my face. On my face. I can't. I can't. I'm weak't I'm weak I'm weak

I literally just didn't know what to do I was like okay and she was like as dead as day literally straight face just went it's bad times for you

that really I was laughing so much I couldn't even explain it to Chris so you can now call me foo-foo face it's always dumb oh I'm also gonna start calling discharge crumbs I think that's much nicer oh honestly she's got the best terminology for shit hasn't she I cannot wait I cannot wait until Joseph starts talking honestly the stuff they come out with you're into a new realm it's gold oh but and i

think that's enough of my secrets for this week that is quite enough i think we're just rolling to everybody else's now okay make me feel less less mad this is the secret mum club the safe space for you to share your secrets. We've got three secrets from you we're going to discuss this week. So Emma, kick us off with number one. All right, here it is. It says, hi Soph and Emma, I'm in need of your advice. I have two daughters, a three-year-old and a four-year-old.

They absolutely love each other, but my youngest is going through a biting phase and we're trying everything we can to try to stop it. We tried sitting her down and talking to her we've tried giving her a time out but nothing seems to work she starts preschool in september and i'm scared to death of her hurting another child can you advise me on how i can get her to stop thanks in advance anonymous oh god bless her do you know what joseph's going through a hitting phase so i really relate to this oh and how are you dealing with it well it's hard isn't it because he's really little still and i don't think he really understands when i tell him no the reason why he started doing it is because he accidentally hit me in the head with a toy and i said ouch and because that got a reaction he now thinks it's

really funny to do it all the time but he's really testing the boundaries and when i picked him up from the child minder the other day she said he had been doing it there as well and i don't know how to get him to stop obviously i say no we don't hit and try and say to him like let's use kind hands but he doesn't really i don't think he's old enough to understand that yet so i'm kind of just i'm trying not to react obviously i'm not laughing or finding it funny no and i'm just trying to say no, but it is really hard to. It is hard. Anything that gets a reaction, they just want to do it again and again, don't they?

Yeah. I only had one biter and it was only one episode. Was this Colby? Yeah, it was Colbs. And I bit him back. I'm going to be brutally honest. I'm not going to gloss up a turd. I bit him back.

He cried. And that soon taught him? He never bit anyone ever again really and if a child bit him he'd say they bit me like you bit me i was like okay childhood trauma okay let's not tell everyone that at school but no my mum did the same to me my brother well not to me my brother my brother used to bite and i think my mum bit my brother and he never bit he never bit again it's really hard we do i want to say we went through hitting phases yes i don't think i paid any attention to it maybe that's the best thing to do unless it really really hurt me i didn't but then i feel like that's different and slightly different to biting yeah because i feel like you're pulling rather than just retaliating back yeah it's like

intentional thing to bite someone i wonder why it's really common isn't it i wonder why kids start doing that i think it's motion from the teeth i want to say it's like a different feeling in your mouth like they're just like testing yeah testing it like the teeth plus you you think we go from having no teeth to then start growing teeth yeah they know to put things in their mouth to yeah that soothes their mouth so i think it's just a case of testing and knowing that they can put stuff in their mouth and bite it really hard and they get no reaction yeah so when they bite a child and then the child screams they're just like oh i didn't know that was what was gonna happen yeah yeah i don't know it's a tough one i think you just have to it is a phase yeah i wouldn't say that biting them...

Biting them back is probably not the official guidance. Yes, it did. He never did it again. No, it is hard. It is hard and you're doing the best. You're doing the best that you can. It's to just keep talking about it and just keep saying no. I always found one word answers, just no.

The more I tried to overcomplicate it and be like and be like you're really hurting mommy please stop doing that yeah i just used to be like no yeah no and i just used to keep repeating the word then it got to the point where they just go no yeah no okay that's fine now dots all the time it's like no no i think generally if they understand like three and four year, I think they're old enough to understand like generally what's right, what's wrong. Four maybe, three might still be just a little bit too dinky. But they know yes and no, don't they? And I think if you just say, no, we don't do that, then hopefully they'll eventually get it. They will get it.

It just takes some take a bit longer than others. Yeah. Don't they? Or they'll just bite someone when they go to preschool and someone will bite them back and that'll be the end of it. Yeah, that might be that might happen but yeah i think they i think they all do it i don't know if we gave great advice then sorry i know i'm sorry we let you down uh just say no just yeah do what your gut tells you yeah yeah i'm sure you've brought up a you know three and a four year old so i'm sure you know what you're doing yeah so we kick

it off with number two all right this one says hi ladies my son just turned four and i'd love for him to have a sibling but i struggled so much with postpartum in the first couple of years were tough for me and my spouse i just can't consider going back to those times my husband would love to have another baby but i can't bring myself to do it again he was a great support and helped out so much even whilst working full time i never felt a great connection until later on and found everything difficult whilst running on little to no sleep for so long. I would love to hear your thoughts. And if you have any advice on how to get past the guilt of not giving my dear son a sibling.

Thank you for being you, Hilary. Oh, Hilary. Thank you so much. That's really lovely. That's a hard one. Yeah, because I'm like kind of in this at the moment because we're thinking like we would love for joseph to have a sibling and obviously everyone asks us all the time of course are you gonna have another baby when do you want to have another one

because that's like he is cute though i mean yeah i mean obviously you'd want to make you you'd want another one but i feel like people after like a couple of years people are always expecting you to like at least be planning another one yes and we're a bit like oh I don't like I don't know I don't know about like time frames or whatever but we would love to be able to have another one but like you're right Hilary it's such a huge it's a lot to take through yeah it's a lot to take on it's a lot I mean as a mother of two yes what would you say I think with the miscarriage because that came so quickly and unexpected was that between Colby that's between Colby and Dottie yeah we lost twins in between and I think because that came as such a shock to me and I didn't

really think or have the time because Colby was only 11 months old so it came so quickly and so fast I hadn't really considered another baby yeah and then because we went through the whole process of that i was then kind of like when i was getting ready for a baby now i kind of want it because yeah i was getting ready for that so i think that was the only thing that changed my views because had i've had them so close together because there's only two years between them yeah so had i've had them so close together i don't know if that wouldn't have happened yeah so did that make you like try for oh as soon as we lost the twins yeah I waited obviously six months just to let your body heal because it was a little bit it wasn't the best time for my body so then as soon as we got the all clear to try again I was it was in our heads like we changed

the car and we were like planning to to have another baby and really excited so I don't think we had that instincts of really stopping to think about what what it was to have just Colby yeah or how hard it was when he was a newborn baby we kind of just threw ourselves in at the deep end yeah but I will say that every baby's different yeah and you may feel differently like we were talking about earlier that you may feel differently the second time round yeah because the first time is so scary and somebody asked me on instagram the other day and just said do you think it's harder to go from no babies to a baby or to go from one to two hands down going from nothing to one baby is the hardest a lot of people say that to me actually we've got two kids because it's so life-changing going from none to one that actually when you have a second

you kind of know what you're doing yeah I wouldn't like a lot of people say it's not doubly as hard having another one you know what you're doing you're used to it they kind of just slot into your life having said that I cannot imagine looking after a newborn baby now that I've already got a 17 month old I just feel like it does come a bit second nature though and again where hillary has mentioned about not having that first really you know the first connection with the baby again i think that's perfectly normal and everybody gets to that stage completely different times yeah but it may be so much different with the second one yeah i guess until we're in it we don't actually really know but if it is that it's

not what you want to do hillary i would probably say communication is key yeah you do have to communicate with your with your other half and find out what's best for yourself isn't it because it's you know it's take two people in this to make it work yeah yeah it's such a um huge decision i don't know if we can really give advice on it but yeah every pregnancy is different every birth is different and every baby's different you just because you had postpartum depression one time it doesn't mean you're going to have it for subsequent babies but also that's you know i do feel like being a mum it though does make you incredibly stronger yeah so then to go into it again you've

already been through it you know yeah so your thought process might be a little bit different this time around yeah and it might be more of an enjoyable experience this time. Yeah. So, yes. But then, obviously, if you've had postpartum, it's obviously not something you want to go through again. No. So, yeah. And it's hard if you and your partner aren't on the same page with it.

Because, like you say, you absolutely both need to be 100% committed. So maybe, yeah, talk to your partner and also just give it a little bit of time. Because you might feel differently after a few years. You might feel differently. But that's really lovely. I really love that you've um that she's reached out yeah yeah so kind thanks hillary thank you hillary right shall we hit it with the last secret yeah this is a good one oh is it oh my gosh i don't want to read it i want you to read it to me

hi savina and emma this is bound to give you a giggle. My eldest son had never heard me fart. We love fart stuff, don't we? We love fart. It became a running joke, so I told him I'd had a fartectomy. He believed me, and in my defence, he was only about five at the time. Unfortunately, when he was 11 and in comprehensive school, he had a human biology class about bodily functions, one of them being farts.

Oh, we'd never learnt about farts at school. No. Well, I love that lesson. I would love that. My son piped up saying, Sir, my mum can't fart. The teacher asked him how and why to which my son told him and the whole class

that I'd had a fartectomy. You can imagine the phone call from his teacher. He burst into complete hysterics and said it was the best story and lesson he'd ever had in his 30 plus years of teaching. My son,

now age 34, has never let me live it down from Anonymous. Oh, I wish he knew who I was. That is brilliant. Although I do, I do love a bum trumpet.

I love a fart. Let's get down with it. Yeah, yeah. As a proud farter, I feel like you would never lie about not being able to fart because, well, yours is on Instagram for the whole world to see. Oh, yeah.

Every morning. Every morning. You'll catch me at the kitchen just farting. It's funny how people are like secretive and ashamed of farting. I just think it's the funniest thing in the world. What's funny is when just the big one comes out and your bum cheeks just ripple i love them ones a real bum rippler you know when it's just like like a whoopee cushion yes i love them ones the best or do you know the ones where you can feel them exiting your body your bowels and your tummy you're oh, thank fuck. That was killing me. Your tummy literally shrinks.

Yeah, and goes, ooh. Also, I feel bad that this mum had to hold in her farts around her son all the time. I would have self-combusted. Because he thought she couldn't fart. We would have exploded long ago. Yeah. I would have literally, would have, gosh, I'd be like that Play-Doh, you know, Mr. Play-Doh head and all the, with my farts. I am, that's an iconic story, but no, we're full for the farts.

Yeah. Only because the children both suffered with wind really bad when they were little. Yeah, Dysa did as well. And Cobby used to get really, really embarrassed. So I used to fart in public so that he felt okay about letting his farts out. Yeah, and do they do that now? Yeah, yeah, they have a happy fart about it. Iarts out. And do they do that now? Yeah, yeah. They have a happy fart about it. I love it.

Colby would literally say, just letting off my trumpet. Or he'd say, pull my finger, mum. Oh, yeah. It's a classic. Yeah, it's a classic. But I just feel like it's not,

Colby used to get really, really poorly with it. A very, very, very uncomfortable tummy. Yeah. And I just said to him, you've got to let it out, Donna, you can't keep it in.

We did. We really celebrated farts in our house. Because once they get that wind out, oh man, it's such a relief. And they're so bloody happy, aren't they? Yeah. I'll fart any day just to make them happy. Let's all just fart together.

Farting orchestra in our house. I love it. One with the bum trumpet. That's when you've got to guess which child's farted can you tell by the smell yeah Dotsie stinks

so bad my mum said Joseph's farts smell like the same as mine because I think you must eat the same food I think it's inherited no I think it's in your genetics

Dotsie eats shit food where she has shit farts whereas Colby's smell like avocado because he eats shit loads of avocado whereas Dotsie smells like something's died up her arse. Literally you're like,

I farted. And then she's like, she'd be like, not me. What a week it's been. This has been a phenomenal episode, hasn't it? It's been a rollercoaster ride. It's been up and down.

Highs and lows. Left and right. In and out. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mum club that's right if you'd like to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secretmumpod.com always secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram and we're here to lend an ear there really is nothing too gross there really isn't or outrageous no

share a fart if you're enjoying the podcast why not share it on your socials and we'll see you next week in the Secret Mum Club