Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - Hello… I’m Knicker-less

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

It’s been a lovely week for the ladies as Sophiena has been busy celebrating her anniversary, and Emma is appreciating getting more rest! We’ve also got a few of your secrets, from being mistaken as pregnant, to despising playing with train sets and feeling guilty when the kids get bumps and bruises. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe place for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. I said space, place, space. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself.

You can be anonymous. And the secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome here in the Secret Mum Club. Yes, they are. How's your week been, Soph? Tremendous. Yeah? I went out.

I saw. For the anniversary. You've been celebrating. The anniversary. Mine. Which one was it? Eight years. Eight years. yeah i went out i saw for the anniversary celebrating the anniversary which which one was it eight years not married because obviously he doesn't like it so he never put a ring up i was hoping for a ring i didn't still still haven't got one but no we went out for our anniversary so nice it was really nice we went to somewhere in Southampton. I'm trying to think of the name of it as I'm saying it.

You were having a lot of cocktails from what I saw. A lot of cocktails. I think you did the whole menu, didn't you? I don't know why I felt the need to do an Instagram story on it. I was far too gone. And I just was blowing cocktails. Excuse me? On my Instagram stories. But we had a a lovely time apart from the mum guilt I know you said on there that you felt guilty I don't know

if I'm alone in this and I know I feel like I'm not have you had it yet where you've left Joseph do you know what just thinking about you going out I don't think we've actually been out without the baby as a couple we've been out individually so the other one can look after the baby but I don't think we've actually been out without the baby as a couple. We've been out individually so the other one can look after the baby. But I don't think we've been out as a couple without him in 15 months. I think that's quite normal because we didn't go out. We didn't go out as a pair until we'd had Dottie. Oh, really? So she was, Colby was like two.

So maybe like when she was about a year old. So maybe three years in we didn't go out. It hard isn't it because who looks after them if you don't have someone nearby you can't you can't do it or you pay for a babysitter but then you're paying for the price of going out and the price of a babysitter it's like a double whammy it is a double whammy so we just haven't done it you just feel like you just think that one time that they're going to sleep in and you could probably get an early night you You're out in having cocktails. Yeah. But mine is just the guilt of just leaving them.

I know they're asleep. I know they're not bothered. They were with my brother. They were having the time of their life. Honestly, the best time. And I knew they were safe and I knew they weren't missing me. But I just felt instantly sick. I was sat at the table.

I said to Chris, I don't know. I don't know if I can do this. I think it's just best we go back. And he was just like, shut up up just have a few cocktails you come out once a year yeah make the most of it make the most of it does he feel guilty as well do you think that's not like specifically not not at all he's there knocking back the pina coladas he's booked his trip to ib3 he's off on a plane in august yeah he's not bothered he's left us so that's that's like specifically a mum thing why is that i don't know and i wish i could get over it but i just can't

it's even like down to things for buying things for myself i feel guilty i'd rather much spend my money on the children as well even spending money on chris or the house i would much rather put all of that before spending it on myself and then when i do spend it on myself i'm just riddled with guilt yeah and i just i just don't know how to get past it i think that as well like i feel like but you're you realize how selfish you were before you have children and then when your children come along you're like i would do much rather do stuff for them than for myself and i just feel like i think it's a forever thing. I truly don't believe it's ever going to go. No.

No. You managed to enjoy yourself though. I did. Yeah. I think it was the copious amounts of alcohol. Yeah, that helped. Yeah, that did help.

And how were you the next day? Because I feel like nothing is more important than an early night and a fresh head the next morning. Like what is worth having a hangover for?

I was really worried that I was going to be hungover. Woke up as fresh as a daisy. Did you? Honestly, you felt so fresh. I was like ready to do it again this weekend. over. Woke up as fresh as a daisy. Did you? Honestly, you felt so fresh. I was like, ready to do it again this weekend. Maybe you should do it more often. Maybe not.

I'm saying that I enjoyed myself in the end, but I don't think I could. Not all the time. I mean, you famously need no sleep. So you're absolutely fine. Sleeping's for the week. Honestly. Sleep when you're dead. Yeah.

I mean, I'll just sleep when I're dead yeah i mean i'll just sleep when i'm dead if i could get past not sleeping i would that's mental to me because i think just nothing is better than like a nine or ten hour sleep which i never get nowadays obviously just think of all the time that you could do in all the things you could do in nine ten hours but nothing's more important to me than sleep but if you didn't need need it, it wouldn't be important. No, I'd rather be sleeping. Would you? Yeah. I can't relate to that.

I'm sorry. Never guess what happened to me. What's happened? This week. I went on a bus. I'm on a bus. I'm on a bus. Everybody look at me because I'm travelling on a bus.

I was actually having the time of my life, right? Why were you on the bus? Because me and Mads went to, oh, we went to an event this week. So me and Mads went to our event. It was bank holiday Monday. So the trains weren't the best. Right. And there was loads of roadworks at the train station.

So I thought, you know what, I'm going to walk up into town. Chris was on the school run. It was a sunny day. I thought I'm just going to have a little moochie around the shops so I went for a mooch and I saw or not that I saw but I thought do you know what I'm not gonna disturb Chris and the children I'm gonna get on a bus so I went and waited at the bus stop had the most divine divine woman right I was looking around looking to see if someone could help me because I don't regularly get on the bus. Being a driver, I'm a typical driving wanker. I never get on the bus.

So I was asking around to these people. And this lovely lady had these beautiful blue eyes and she was just looking at me. And I was like, can you help me? I need to go on my bus back to such and such place. She was like, yeah, you need to go down to the bus stop down there. I was like, oh, thank you so much. So I walked down to the bus stop. She came and joined me and we were having a lovely chat

and she said that she did follow me and it was really, really sweet. So then she waited for me to get on the bus. So I said to her, just as my bus arrived, I was like, oh, are you jumping on this bus? Are you waiting for the next one? And she just went, I'm not getting on the bus. She just waited with you the whole time.

She just wanted to wait for you to get on the bus. So with that being such a pleasant experience, got on the bus to another lady having a tremendous conversation with me. She then got off of the bus. Then had a girl get on the bus, turn to her friend and go, what the fuck's she get on the bus for?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Why can I not get on a bus? She was just like trying to make out she's relatable by getting on the bus i am fucking relatable i'm human i need to get home i was so mad because she was like there's that girl of tiktok trying to make herself relatable by getting on a bus wow i was absolutely livid i literally turned around i was like i am relatable i am getting on a bus because i still need to get home i might be damned if i'm paying 15 quid for a taxi like

i'm not tight but if the public transport is there i'm gonna use myself the bus i was having the time of my life such a pleasant experience on the bus with the lovely lady before then i saw another lady on the bus and then just these jumped up girls trying to make me feel like a trying to make me feel badass for getting on the bus of all the things you could do wrong no how dare you get on the bus and honestly i was having such a lovely time so happens when you're a celebrity mate you can't go anywhere you are you can't do anything i'm not a celebrity i am just a normal woman just trying to get the bus and i was just doing nothing wrong and i felt really sad about it because i just thought i am just a normal human it really does bother me when

people are like oh they think you're something like you're something special and i'm not and they don't you don't need to use public transport because you're on instagram and tiktok i'm like when you say i like i am just on tiktok and just on instagram like i'm nobody special and people think that i blow a hot air up my own arse and I don't I was just enjoying my time and yeah she said to me that as she walked past I literally can't believe someone said that to you in person yeah and then she got all she got all sheepish because obviously wasn't expecting me to respond back I wasn't rude but I just said I am just a normal person I'm allowed to get the bus home like what what am i meant to do oh call jeeves excuse me jeeves darling could you send a car

to pick me up no fucking i was carrying three primark bags as well i couldn't be trying to be relatable shopping in primark how fucking dare you i couldn't be any more relatable if i tried i was honestly just having the time of my life the sun was shining it was a beautiful day and i got myself on the bus oh don't rain someone's parade just for getting on the bus anytime soon i wish i'd walked 13 miles home now fucking hell and then i didn't want to disturb chris for him to get the get the babies out to come and pick me up i even text him and he's like what you're doing i was like i'm on the bus and he was like shut up you're not sending him a little selfie with me on the bus and he was like chris goes what you're doing on the bus trying

to be relatable he was more shocked at the cost just call the driver so i know i'm not gonna fucking do it again call my lesson learned one pound it was on the bus bug couldn't believe it chris was absolutely shocked i said well next time you want to get around mate don't go on the bus shall we move on to your week what's been happening with you well speaking of sleep uh joseph has started sleeping through the night hallelujah hallelujah how do you feel oh do you know what i feel like a new woman it just makes such a difference i think when you i think he's quite late to sleep through the night he's 15 months and he's probably been doing it for like a couple of weeks so we've come this far with like a broken night's sleep pretty much every night.

Maybe the odd night I've had away from him. But cruelly, even those nights you don't sleep well because you're like still listening out for the baby to wake up, even though they're not there. And I have to get up half past four in the morning for work. So I never truly get a rest. But my God, it makes such a difference. I feel like you're speaking to the wrong crowd here. I'm team no sleep at seven years in.

You get up at five o'clock out of choice. I know, but honestly, early bird catches the worm. Honestly, I cannot believe your energy in the mornings. But no, I feel wonderful. And yeah, just long may it continue. Honestly, maybe it's the weather. Maybe the sunshine's tiring Joseph out. Do you know what?

I do think it is, yeah, going out and being more active and also just him not being ill for once we just had a winter where he was just ill every single week and i think that was really affecting his sleep um but now i just chuck eight dummies in the cot and i'm like see you in the morning don't wake up until seven and it's working out great honestly i'm here for it i'm living i'm gonna live through you yeah how does it feel i'll be ringing you every morning how was your sleep how do you feel loving it

right as always we want to hear from you yeah we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us

the email is hello at secretmumpod.com or you can find us on TikTok and Instagram just search secretmumpod we want to hear all your secrets and like we've said Secret Mum Pod. We want to hear all your secrets. And like we've said, they can be anything from serious to silly.

You can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. We still don't know the lyrics to this song. We could just look it up. Should we Google it now? I think we need to. Shall we? Hold on, let's get a good verse in. I think it goes... We're all to this sun. We could just look it up. Shall we Google it now? I think we need to. Shall we?

Hold on, let's get a good verse in. I think it goes, we're all in this together and we know. Oh, we've got the actual scene. Who we are. We're all in this together. Once we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. We're all stars and we see that We're all in this together

And it shows when we stand Hand to hand Make our dreams come true It's all coming back to me now. Each week, I'm going to be sharing my secrets, dilemmas, anything really, just my everyday life. I'm going to be sharing it with you

and I want you to share yours with me in the secret mum club My secret of the week Is Are you ready? I'm ready Buckle up Hit me

I don't think you're ready for this one Go on I sent Dottie to school Well technically it was out of choice of hers I had to explain to the school when I dropped her off at the door She had no pants on She was in her leggings commando no pants why oh because she's in this thing where she wants to get herself dressed and we're being proactive

about yeah no that's good she goes into her big girl bedroom that we've renovated and done up she likes to get herself dressed it wasn't till we were going out the door that she said just so you know I'm not wearing pants today so i was like okay we've got a couple of minutes should we get some pants on no i don't want to wear pants today so i had to hand her over at the school gate with a pair of pants in my hand uh how did they receive it great yeah they took it great she did come out with the pants over the leggings at the end of the day. So not much had changed. Not much had changed over the time. Well, that's, you know, what superheroes do.

So what's wrong with that? I just felt bad all day. The idea of her just having no pants on. Because you and me, that would be uncomfortable. No, some people don't like wearing underwear. I don't know how I feel about no underwear. I think on a child, it's like, obviously, when you're an adult, you can make your own decision. But I feel like when you're a child, it's like expected that you would be wearing underwear.

But how do you kind of get across to her that it's important to wear knickers? Do you know what i mean yeah i basically just say look if you don't reach the toilet in time your wee is just going to run down your legs yeah so it's best yeah we just wear pants because i don't want to get into the whole adult chat of you know yeah discharge is that too soon i feel like that's too advanced tmi yeah she's not quite there yeah but we all need you know but we have got you know we do we do shart i feel like you haven't got there either yet i feel like i'm bringing you into my world welcome to my world when your child has a bit of an iffy tummy we're still in nappies not me joseph's still in nappies i don't know i would i would wear a nappy now just for the the ease of

not having to get out of bed i was gonna, you do need a little bit of a barrier between you and your clothes, just in case something goes on down there. Yeah, because sometimes it can get a bit windy, can't it? We should have a dress on. She had her leggings on. Yeah. But we have had the episodes of sharting when you're out and about. Yeah.

A pair of knickers is just going to catch that. Just going to catch that as like a safeguard. Yeah. That was my secret of the week. I didn't really know how to address it do i address it or do i just not just leave it but they took it great i just said look she's got herself dressed she has no pants on i didn't want them to take her to the toilet and have an absolute horror that's what i mean they would be expecting her to wear underwear right yeah how did she get on that day no leakages yeah she loved it

she wanted to go the next day wearing no pants i was like maybe she's into it maybe we'll leave this to once a week you know a friday treat if you will dress down day nicholas who are you today i'm nicholas let me know i'm not alone in this whole Nicholas situation and holler at your girl in case you've ever experienced anything sharting Nicholas, you know. We'll take it all. I'm going to feel less alone now as we roll into yours and we hear some of your secrets of the week on the Secret Mum Club. Right, we're back from the break. I would like to say we've had a wee but we haven't are we just talking about our ball bag hands i'm getting emma to test her bladder yeah because she's got i don't need to go actually do you we haven't even had any water today i know but i had a coffee

before i got here did you me too oh my god i had a right dilemma at the train station following up from the poo at waterloo the other day at the train station today i met mad so i was there an hour early because i got to get there because i said to you i'm on a half an hour early than a five minute late so got in there went to costa i panicked because everyone was moving so fast so i got in the queue and i was like the guy was like um quick order do you want me to take your order and i was like oh i don't know i don't know what i want so i just went a skinny latte and then he was like do you want a croissant for one pound 25 yes everybody was shouting bonjour bonjour bonjour

and costa and i was like what is going on i was like yeah i'll take a croissant everyone's really happy in here shouting bonjour ordered my croissant they all just shouted bonjour again and i was like this is brilliant then an american lady behind me as well he was like do you want a croissant for one pound 25 and she was like yeah they're like bonjour bonjour why do these things never happen to me wild in the train station it was so fun but my coffee tasted like shit because i normally get like a hazelnut coffee and i didn't i just went straight skinny latte yeah i did think oh emma's gonna be emma's gonna be fuming because I'm going to need another poo at Waterloo. Another poo at Waterloo.

Oh but should we go into should we go into someone else's secret other than mine because this is a safe place where we share your secrets

and mine. We've got three. Three. It's a magic number. Yes it is. Emma's going to roll off with secret number one of the

week. All right here we go says hi soph and emma classic one the other day the lovely preschool ladies congratulated me on being pregnant i'm not pregnant my daughter just enjoys telling people that i have a baby in my belly oh i feel like no good will ever come if you congratulating someone on being pregnant no unless they tell you that they're pregnant just don't say anything i know and i can imagine like that because i'm really close to my preschoolers like my niece went there who she's 13 she's in year nine at school so i've been with the preschool since my niece went at like two and a half right and we're now dotty's gonna leave preschool so

i've been there a good 12 years you know so i'm really close with them and it's been the same lady so i feel like they would be more embarrassed than me receiving it would be right because you would wouldn't you yeah you'd be more embarrassed to say oh congratulations and then somebody go i'm actually not pregnant that's the kind of thing i would do i would put my foot in it but i've heard a lot of horror stories this has happened to quite a few people i know actually i put a picture up on instagram i think it was at the end of the year just saying like oh it's been a great year because it was the year that my baby was born and in the photo i'm holding him and he's still really little and i've got quite a fluffy jumper

on someone commented on my instagram photo saying oh is baby number two on the way i thought i'm not pregnant i've just got a big jumper on yeah don't let's stop asking people if they're pregnant plus i do find so i've learned along the way and i think we've spoken about this before is sometimes it's really difficult to talk about those things and i've been burnt a couple of times in the sense of like my sister-in-law doesn't want children yeah um and there's also people that have infertility issues yeah and i'm so sensitive about that so i just unless like you say unless spoken about or somebody said we're having a baby yeah i just keep it to myself and even if i thought that i just

think i don't really ever think it because it's such a hard topic because someone might be struggling with their weight or not being a great time and sometimes people's med makes them bloat and i'm bloating at the moment you know your period bloat and it's just not a it's not comfortable you just never know what people are going through you do never know but i hope that it was taken as lightly as she possibly could have taken sometimes it's hard isn't it and our little ones like to test our test our ability i've had colby go is your belly that fluffy because you've got a is it that squidgy because there's a baby in there? And I'm like, no, I just ate a burger and I'm on my period.

I've got the period. To be fair, if you've got a kid that's saying, my mummy's got a baby in her tummy, people might think you've got a baby in your tummy. So you just need to tell your kids to wind it in. Oh gosh. Stop telling people I'm pregnant. That was a good one.

Shall we roll into number two? Yes. It's Hello Safina. My mum's secret is when you'd rather eat your denim jacket than pretend to be playing trains. Not going to lie. I love playing trains. Stop it. I know.

I genuinely do. I feel like you're fibbing to me. No, I'm not. I feel like i'm more into it than the baby because it's a bit beyond his um skill set at the moment so i take great pleasure in building all the tracks i've got like i've got it interlooping i've got bridges i've got i've got it all going on i've got an electric train that goes on its own that's my kind of train you know just set it up and off i go just sit there and watch the train yeah it's really hard because as much as i really love being a mum and i get that people are so wonderfully

kind to me and say but then again people only see snippets of my life you know there is times when i'm tired and you know you are losing your temper with the children but i am definitely i'm just not a playman i just don't know what it is about it I don't know whether I'm this deep in like I do I do and I've got to be really in the mood to play it sometimes I'm just like look I've done the housework I've been here there and everywhere this week I've food shopped I've cooked I've done washing the last thing I want to do is die in the civilian family because every time Dottie will just say you died at your wedding and i'm like oh great the first time that i actually get married now i'm dead you know i just can't i just as much as

i've got to be in the mood for it yeah it's like reading i'm so dyslexic the children read to me now because they're like you can't read and i'm like fair enough you read to me and i end up just having tickies and going to sleep and then they go go out to Chris and they're like, she's asleep again. I am really dreading like role play, like having to do like acting games with the babies. Because that's just not my forte. That's not my strength. I love me a good American accent. Dots goes wild for it.

I'll put myself on a little fancy outfit in the bedroom. We do our makeup crazy. And I'm like, hey, Barry, we're hitting up the sidewalk for some coffee, man. I love it. I'm just going to make it so that he wants to play the things that I'm into. Oh, you could do that. Yeah.

Or if all else fails, we just put in the night garden on. Yeah. And just sit in front of the telly. And just suck it up. Yeah. So you're not alone. There is some mums that love it. Emma loves it.

It's not for everyone. It's not for everybody. But you just got to find out what you enjoy doing and make them do that and stop the children and what they sod what they enjoy doing i do feel like the season of weather changes how you want to play with the children though oh yeah because i much rather play in the garden in the paddling pool and it'd be really fun winter play is so much harder oh my god it's so much easier when you can do stuff outside. Yeah. The days. Do you know this year?

The days are long in the winter. I think it rained literally every day this winter. And there were just some long, long days. Long ass days. When we were just stuck inside. Just like, what can we do? The sun puts everyone in a good mood. And you just want to get out in the garden, don't you? Yeah.

So much better. You play with the paddling pools. Yeah. Water pistols. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good.

Right. Should we roll into number three? Yeah. It says, high secret mum club my secret is when my daughter then two years old fell into the doorframe and split her head open i can't be the only one keeping this a secret that's rough that is rough that is rough but happens to everyone it i don't mean to laugh it's always that thing with bad news i do laugh and i don't mean to laugh it is it is unfortunate it is unfortunate and these things aren't you just can't predict them gonna happen no colby swung on a baby gate smashed his chin open was there

anything i could do to prevent it no but the guilt is it will never go away you do feel bad because you instantly feel their pain yeah and you can't take it away and you can't make it better but we've all been there yeah have you had any bad ones with joseph yet do you know what we had a really bad one that actually still really haunts me i and sometimes it takes something like that for you to be like well that was bloody stupid i'm never gonna do that again and it really teaches you a lesson so when he was little he was probably only like a few months old and i used to put him in one of those little bouncy chairs, the springy chairs. Off the doorframe? No, no, no.

Like the ones that you put them on the floor and they kind of just like lean back in them. The bouncer. And obviously it says on it, like, do not put this on a surface. But I used to put him on the dining table because he used to like to be up and see what was going on and whatever. And I didn't sometimes used to strap him in both sides because i knew he couldn't move he was the newborn baby couldn't do anything so i had him on the table and one of those and stupidly i popped upstairs this is this is classic mom's trying to get everything done in a day popped upstairs to try and grab some laundry as i ran down the stairs i see him launch out of the

bouncy chair and fall off the table and i threw the laundry and i rushed in and scooped him up and i literally picked him up just before he hit the floor and like he cried i cried because i was like i'm a terrible mother i can't believe i've done this but i know other people that it's happened to you because you're rushing around trying to get everything done and suddenly they'll surprise you with a new skill like you'll leave them on the bed and they roll off the bed and you're like oh you can roll now okay well let's not do that anymore they're never prepared for the camera are they they just come in the room and you're like i left the baby here on the bed where's it gone yeah i didn't know he could roll and then they've just they're on the floor like face face planted down arms to the side yeah

flapping around like a seal we're really in the throes of that at the moment the other day i took my eyes off him for 30 seconds he was at the top of the stairs you know he's just crawled up there you've got to be so careful but honestly don't feel bad because it happens to everyone it does happen to everybody and it's it may be the first it may not but it's going to just be the first of many like we and luckily they're bouncy they are i always say feed them up so they can bounce back and they're usually fine they are they are usually fine usually and it's always that thing where i want to forget it and that they're at age now where they just keep reminding me of something do you remember that time you face planted me in the sand and i was like oh yeah yeah that's the

problem when they start talking i did the stairs down the sat down the stairs at the beach and i was going down the stairs at the beach not realizing that dotty had fallen out face planted in the sand arms by her side and i was still going down with the pram. And I moved the pram out of the way. Chris was like, where's Dottie? And I was like, in the pram? Moved the pram out of the way. She's just face planted in the sand.

I left the beach instantly. I couldn't handle it. She was just shitting sand for weeks. She had inhaled so much sand. And these things happen. You just can't. It's even worse when it happens in public. But look, it's happened to when it happens in public but look

it's happened to it's happened to us all of us yeah yeah we're gonna have to say goodbye because emma's gnat bladder cannot hold any more and she needs the toilet so thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mum club and if you'd like to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. So come on. Share your load. I'm sorry, that sounds far too like...

Oh, I nearly put my back out. Shoot your load. Emma's about to shoot her load. Oh, God. I just need a second. I'm so sorry. I'm just... I'm sweating.

I'm sweating. I'm sweating. So come on, shoot your load. All over us. There really is nothing too gross. Or outrageous. And if you're enjoying the podcast... I'm not sure anymore. I'm enjoying it.

And if you're enjoying it, why not mention it to the other parents at the school gates? And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.