Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - I Draw The Line At The Poo

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

It’s the start of the school holidays and the ladies have had very different weeks. Sophiena has been busy keeping the kids entertained at home whilst Emma chats about living it up on holiday! Bringing their weeks together are your messages and secrets! We hear about kids playing with tampons, parents struggling with snacking children and an unfortunate mooning incident. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. No judgement here. We've heard it all before. And it's probably happened to us already. Your secrets can be serious or silly.

You're all welcome in The Secret Mum Club. We're back, bitches would you bloody believe it how has your week been i'm still in that little i'm still in a bubble aren't i engagement i'm in this nutshell oh sorry did you get engaged i didn't did you know i didn't hear didn't hear about that i didn't it was just a little it's just a little science nothing major nothing major but yeah so i'm still very much in this so we basically went from engagement yeah then we went to our birthdays yeah and it was just been a whole month of whirlwind of yeah celebrations and now i'm just back in i'm just i was in the engagement bubble dipped my toe into the birthday bubble, and now I'm fully back here. Comfortable, I'm sat, I'm relishing in it.

I'm trying to polish my ring every two seconds. I'm not going to lie. Do you polish your ring? I've never polished my ring. No, I need to get it cleaned, actually. It's disgusting. It's got like sun cream and stuff in it. Do you ever watch them videos when people dunk it into the solution

and it just goes... Yeah, I want to get one of those machines actually you can get them at home a jewelry cleaner yeah no i do need to do that stefan always tells me off because he's like i got you that and you're so ungrateful you never clean it but it's just effort isn't it this is basically emma's place where she can just really moan about stefan yeah get it off of her chest so that she can go home and get freaky in the sheets and itch his legs because he's got a very niggling itch ew i feel like that needs like a have you got a date yet i don't have a date but i do have fucking incredibly straight teeth i'm so excited you really don't honestly living in such a

i feel like i'm having an out-of-body experience. Why? Because I'm looking at wedding venues and dresses and... You've got new teeth. ...bridesmaids and I'm going to have new teeth. And we had a photo shoot. Yeah, saw that. In our pyjamas. Some may say it was weird. I thought it was very cute.

No, I loved it. I thought it was cute. Yeah, they were lovely, those pictures. And I'm going to have them printed and have them over our bed. Oh, nice. So I thought, have the pictures taken in the bedroom to go in the bedroom over the bed. So I feel like it's like a... Nice.

I thought that was quite a cute idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we had some of the babies in the bath. Yeah. Sounds weird. Follow me. They did have knickers on. Right.

But they had a massive, huge, bubbly, bubbly bath. Oh. Like huge. Everything was covered. And they were blowing their bubbles. And I'm going to have them in black and white in the bathroom because the bathroom is black and white nice you've thought about it you've got vision vision i got vision so yeah i've had a i've had an incredible week and now you're in the throes of school holidays on holidays i'm one week in i'm not gonna lie i love it you're the

only person i know that loves it fuck me i'm knackered yeah i don't know why you love it all the other parents are like christ like six or seven weeks of entertaining my, having to look after my own children. But then my children do love to just be in their pyjamas. I was saying when I got in this morning that although I'm super sad about the weather, because let's not deny it, we live in the UK and we basically go through every weather storm.

No, every weather forecast. every weather forecast every weather type every weather type in 24 hours yeah we have hail snow sun rain rain talk no we don't have tornadoes like in this country but i'm living for it at the moment because dotty hours she's out there hours she's out there in her wets you know waders because i've got some waders from little nice they've got some waders some rain jackets she's out in the muddy puddles six hours she's out in the garden comes in i whack the heating up she's out for the night honestly best child care ever yeah so yeah we've they the rain is sucky i'm enjoying pajamas movies popcorn garden i don't mind that i just feel like it shouldn't be in july do you know i'm enjoying pajamas movies popcorn garden i don't mind that i just feel like it

shouldn't be in july do you know what i mean it shouldn't but i feel like you know if it was too hot they wouldn't be allowed in the garden no i know but i just feel like we have like nine months of the year to have like movie day and be in and be cozy and i'm like can summer not just be summer i've been in france and basically now i'm obsessed with moving to france she had a really tremendous time and the weather was beautiful. The weather was beautiful. And it was like, I was saying to Stefan,

you know, when you've reached like peak middle age or like peak parent is when like, you don't want it too hot, but just like hot enough. Welcome to the 35 club. When I used to go on holiday, me and Stefan, we'd want it like as hot as possible.

We'd lay on the beach, sun worship, worship halls. Worship halls. Worshipals. Worship your nipples is what Emma was trying to say. Sun worshiping with your nipples out. Are you a topless bather? Depending on the country, I would.

Yeah. But a lot of places it's not. It's a bit of a faux pas. Also, your Instagram. I did admit to Emma that I've been stalking her instagram the other day there's no nipples on there is there isn't anything your body is insane isn't it what do you mean you just have this really tiny bikini on and i was like fuck what go on you're looking at my pictures in bed weren't you yes chris was like you're okay well emma's wearing a really teeny beeny teeny weeny yellow booger duck bikini. There she wore on the brink of today.

Hey, hey. It was a very small bikini. It was right up your crevice of your bum. Yeah, I love a thong bikini. Yeah. Do you wear them on a family vacay? Yeah. With your mum and dad?

Yeah. Wow. And my brother's-in-law. You're not bothered about having your cheeks fully out? No. On a right bum hugger though no i'm on the chubby side no shut up i just think a big you know a big can of page just come and just grab the cheeks and just like oh that's where i'm at it's just bodies in it yeah i'm not like

it's just skin it's not i was i did love it i'm not gonna lie it's fine but yeah i would that's that's the kind of holiday we like before babies and now i'm like my mom and dad have just been in greece it's 38 degrees i'm like no that would be my worst nightmare with a baby you wouldn't even be able to go out no be pointless waste of time you'd just be wearing him mid france perfect 24 25 26 maybe i'm just like we could have a really nice life would you actually move to france i wouldn't have a job so probably not but i do love the idea of like it was such a lovely life for it's such a lovely life for a baby like you're just outdoors all the time he didn't have to wear any clothes he's just in his nappy just roaming around going in the pool like well not really going in the pool because he was scared of it didn't like it but you know that's the idea yeah

just living the dream free yeah free and easy just eating outside every night nice wine but there's nothing more you'd want from a holiday is there no it's like holiday perfection yeah maybe that's it like it was perfect because it was for a week but actually maybe if we did it all the time it wouldn't be an alcoholic you could be a raging it would become a problem alcoholic yeah yeah yeah the wine is too easy access there but yeah no we did love it good yeah i'm glad you deserved it it's great thank you you deserve a week's not long enough i feel like i don't know i haven't we've not been on holiday yet have we yeah but you like being at home i do don't you so like i feel like a two-week holiday wouldn't be like i feel like every day's a holiday at home

yeah probably why i love the school holidays yeah because i don't have to go anywhere yeah i don't have to do anything but that's because your house is like a hotel resort you've got like a playground in the garden hotel resort i would go for more pub b&b yeah yeah pub garden yeah but you've got everything that they want there haven't you so there's no point in all the amenities yeah honestly because schlepping abroad with kids is let's be honest it's fucking nightmare we we are going to look at disney, I think, for a long weekend when the babies go back to school. Yeah.

But I just want to, like, everyone as well keeps saying, have you thought about any wedding plans? I can't concentrate on anything wedding right now until the six weeks are done. I can't focus on anything. I'm just focusing on just getting through the day. Getting through every day, yeah. Just surviving without having to take a drive around the block.

I have done that a couple of times. You know, when you, it's just sometimes just a bit too much. Like I'm okay with a lot, but sometimes I just like, do you know what? I don't, I don't think I can feel my eardrums anymore. I'm going to go and just check if I can find those around the block. But no, we're having a lovely week yeah you love it

you love it only five more to go that's so sad isn't it I don't want to wish it away I'm sorry I take it back no oh god I'm so sorry

I don't want it to go fast I think most people are counting down for a different reason they can't wait for them to go back to school everyone's we've spoke about this before

haven't we though everyone's different everyone's different everyone is different everyone's different but you're the only one that loves it i don't think i'm the only one has anyone else told you they like it yeah yeah okay yeah quite a few people actually yeah okay do you want to check my dms quite a few people actually

told me we'll put it out to them now let's just say all right let's do a poll let's do a poll see who's right shall we i think it's just going to be a 50 50 split i think it might be like get out of my house i won't be able to wait for him i thought you said get out of my ass i was gonna say probably best not to say that at school he's been right on my ass he does follow me he's basically up my ass the whole time he follows he's obsessed with me follows me around i can't even leave the room is he mommy's world daddy's mommy is he yeah but i think that's because he spends more time with me and the boobies yeah there's no milk in them anymore but i think i think that it helps with the i think the main feeder to be honest yeah colby was mommy's mommy's boy massive mommy's boy

and i would say now he's daddy's yeah i think when they're older it can change but i think when they're babies dotsy is just my she's just the broski for free she's got your back she is my ride or die bonnie and clyde me and dot fuck me there is no no way if anybody was to ever question daddy's girl chris would be like are you on some substance because she's not she's why are you so obsessed with me that is that's her yeah we love hearing from you so how can people get in touch Emma well Safina you can find us on tiktok and instagram you can just search secret mom pod or you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com holler at your gal tell me what people's been saying this week gee yeah we love hearing what you think of

the episodes we've got one here that says hello you two i just wanted to say i literally died of laughter over the crumbs talk love to hear you normalizing life with your chat especially in this day and age of social media where almost everything is fake and hidden even though i'm not a mom i love listening to your short and sweet podcasts for me it's like a guide on parenthood for the future with some gossip throning keep it coming girls that is absolutely adorable slightly concerned a guide on parenthood i don't know i don't know about that i'm still waiting for the manual i think my my edition is expired and i don't know where i can reinstate that we actually don't know but no we're so we don't and i don't does anyone know no everyone's winging it we're

all winging it as long as you can laugh about it that's the main thing that's the most important thing is just laugh and enjoy it isn't it yeah because we're just having a fucking riot well i am with my fufu crumbs emma's hey you promised you wouldn't talk about that on the podcast all right she went foraging all right this one's from joreen joreen joreen joreen joreen definitely not annoyed about having that sung at her all the time sorry she says love swinging love the swinging tampons chat brought back some mum trauma my now four-year-old daughter was about two years old when we were visiting the in-laws and she had a handbag obsession she took some of my red and pink wrapped tampons from the bathroom at home and packed it

in her handbag without me knowing when i was chilling outside my partner called me back inside to see our daughter putting lipstick on her grandfather with a red wrapped tampon. She then used the pink wrapped tampon to put blush on his cheeks. Love the podcast. Poor granddad. Poor granddad. But they weren't used. No.

To be quite honest though, if I started stroking my dad with his face he wouldn't have a fucking try it try it i'll film it try it film it dad i'm seeing my dad at the weekend it's their anniversary coming for you with a tampon to the face act surprised i don't think granddad probably knew what they know i don't think thead probably knew what they were. No, I don't think. She's the saving grace. The problem is now, not the problem, but they're so tiny, aren't they? Like, lilettes.

Yeah. They're so small. Yeah. I use them for if I get a nosebleed or the hay fever. It's too much snot. Chuck up me lilettes. That's a really good idea,

isn't it? Yeah. A hay fever. I don't put them up there. Clearly, I've got a gaping vagina after last week's episode, so can't use lilettes here. I've got a wide set vagina, vagina? Can't help it I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina.

So I wear me a night pad 24 hours seven days a week. One of the ski slope ones. Front and back like a canoe. Goes from your back to your nips. It's literally like a canoe goes from your back to your nips it's literally like a canoe a maternity pad they're so fucking thick aren't they

you could piss three times over and then they still wouldn't drip they're like the ones you get after you have a baby never to be seen again they're like gold dust in hospital honestly they are so fucking uncomfortable to wear i don't think what i don't know what's worse the stitches on my vagina or the actual pad because you walk don't you like this yeah they're like everything okay yeah the wings are just stuck to my pubes i haven't seen for nine months but thanks do you know what i mean piles hemorrhoids

no just the fucking pad stuck to me pubes and you rip it off and it's not discreet when you're in the toilet either is it you just trying to do that yeah because the rip takes like 30 seconds to get off oh that woman next to her she's on her period oh okay right she's on her period or she's just had a baby and left hospital oh Oh, that's a good turn. That was good. That took a turn for the better. So if you want to hear more talk like this, you can get in touch with us.

Who doesn't want to hear more? You can be serious or silly. You can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, sharing is caring. We're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars.

And we see that. Each week, we'll be sharing shit. Literally. Literally. Because you are not ready for this week's secret. Oh, God. It is shit. I i'm gonna warn you okay it's a quick one it's quick short one chris run me a bath right after the whole emotional

crying into the bath but there wasn't something i shared with you but i feel like i'm at the stage now where we can bring the funniness back okay so i got into the bath was absolutely this was after this was the night of the engagement yeah crying happy tears yeah just letting all the tears run into the bath

while all the water's inserting my vagina if you didn't tune in go back an episode because you need to listen to last week's for this one to make any sense

so yeah in there having a little wait of time loads of bubbles got some candles on some music I get a knock at the door

that was my invitation of a knock at the door that was my invitation of a knock at the door and chris was like um i need to ask him as a favor i was like oh i'm currently in the bath and he went yeah i know i need you to get out what i was like why do you need me to get out and he's like i'm literally gonna shit myself and i was like okay can you grab me a towel he was like no there's no time just get out of the bath i stood no in the hallway stark bollock naked dripping wet dripping wet cold the nile rushing out of me as is i've basically created my own swimming pool in the hallway my nipples were rock hard crying trying to hold my engagement ring because i don't i don't really know what else to do hold a nip hold the ring i chose the ring not that ring this ring um and yeah just stood outside the door

and i can't go anywhere because i'm just going to drip water everywhere else so i just had to stand in the hallway fully naked dripping wet listening to chris empty his bowels into the toilet then to add insults to injury he went any chance you just go and run and get some loo rod run out why don't you just fucking jump in my bath and wash your bum hole in the bar actually i don't want to marry you on reflection because that has just ruined my whole night and then i got back in the bath and had to try and enjoy the experience of my first engaged bath while the room stank of a sewage

the smell of Chris's shit lingered on while you soaked in news of your engagement but he was so kind to wipe up my vagina juice outside the you two couldn't marry anyone else because you just know each other way too well

way too well i did shut the door like i gave him some privacy because if you do open the door though the way our toilet is angled it's always that thing when the children open it and chris is like mid-wipe and i'm like fucking shut the door shut and you know when you think oh i should have really you know that time i renovated my bathroom i should have really moved the toilet because now anyone that's taken a wipe and the children open the door we're seeing it all we're seeing your is that back onto the door then yeah well it's not on the door can you imagine the toilet just moves with the door where's your toilet on the back of the door space saving solution is it right next to the bath literally

open the door toilet and then bath okay sink right yes the toilet's right bath? Literally open the door, toilet. And then bath. Bath. Okay. Sink. Right. Yes. So the toilet's right there. So you open the door. No choice.

That is like, that could have been a deal breaker on the marriage. To be fair, if it was a week later, I would have... But as it was, you were in the... I was in this bubble of... Having all the feels, bubble of love. Trying to to enjoy my first engaged bath because that is disgusting could he not have held on i personally found it quite hilarious i was like i did think at one point i thought oh bless i was at your mate and i was like can you not just fucking wait and then i did feel really bad because i was like what if i'd actually been that cruel to go oh fuck off why don't you just fucking go out there and shit yourself and imagine i come out

to him fully like shat himself that would have break i would have turned you off even more to be fair i would have literally cried i had an ex-boyfriend once that shit and shit in a tree shit in a bush and he didn't even pull his trousers down just fully shit and we were in a taxi and he was just like we need to get out of this taxi now and walk and i was like what's going on um we were basically walking then he walked up ahead and he was like you need to go indoors now right now get in the house right now and then he just took a shit on the bank and then come in holding his pants and his trousers oh because he's he's shit. Is that why that relationship ended? Should have been. Oh, I actually stayed with him quite a long time after that.

So you were right outside your house and he's still shit on a bank? He couldn't make it in anymore. Couldn't make it any further. So he just shat in the, shat in the. It was in the alleyway outside the front of the house, but he just, yeah, shit. Fuck. Shit is drawn to you. So many of your stories revolve around.

It's because I talk so much shit. full of shit treat people like shit what is your etiquette on going to the toilet when someone else is in the bathroom though because i'm quite okay with that we's just know what the children poo yeah that is i don't think that's a given really yeah i draw the line at chris taking a poop yeah like if i was in the bath and you wanted to come in for a wee i'm like yeah go go for it like i've got no shame just don't want you crawling the turd out oh no i draw the line we always find ourselves in this situation because stefan loves a long leisurely bath and it'll get to the point where i'm like wetting myself because he's been in there for like two hours I've been holding it forever he doesn't even like me going in for a wee but sometimes it's a number two and I'm like you're gonna have to get out yeah we're

only a one bathroom household we've only got one toilet as well but he's funny about all of that but whereas like if someone wanted to poo in front of me I think I'd be like yeah but some people say once you've seen your partner poo that's the end of the relationship yeah i just i think all mystery is gone i think i draw the line at the poo i think i would like to keep that a little bit yeah you know what i do a little bit yeah yeah leave a little bit for the imagination yes thank you i don't think anyone can watch anyone curl one out it's when you watch the children when they're constipated and they're like on the toilet you're like god are you okay don't i know about that yes joseph and his back rubbing glasses up oh well let's um do you need a poo while we're on the subject do you mind if i just

take a shit right here oh right here no that there's people that actually really enjoy that though isn't that that's a different thing it's a thing that's a different kind of podcast this is the secret mum club the safe space for you to share your secrets we've got three secrets from you we're going to discuss them this week emma yes let's roll in to number eight let's this one says hi soph and emma my husband has two children from a previous relationship who i met when they were super young so i've been around for most of their lives however i'm now due to have twins pretty soon congratulations i'm almost jealous that this isn't my husband's first time experiencing this but it is mine I'm already worrying that I just want a bit of time with just my husband and the babies without

the other two being involved straight away but my husband wants them there from the start and I feel like that's adding so much pressure on me does that make me a bad person thanks anonymous oh no I totally understand that feeling yeah I totally well I can't relate because we only have babies together yeah i think you and stephanie yeah you're going to got joseph yeah but i i can completely relate to that and i think if it was me in this predicament i would just say you have to have a really really honest conversation because one baby is hell on earth when it's your first baby isn't it let's be honest it's hard we're not hell on earth but it's your first baby isn't it let's be honest it's hard when it's not hell on earth but it's like that whole process of having a brand new baby you're so having an

out-of-body experience it's just not crazy it's crazy yeah but to chuck twins yes yeah and the two children from a previous relationship aren't twins it doesn't know they're not but i don't think so and it does say it doesn't say how old they are but without the other she's been around since they were young so imagining they're still like children but not really because it does say here i'm now due to have twins pretty soon yeah i'm also jealous this is my husband's first time so it does make it sound like the other two are twins but i'm going to speak maybe she just means it's her first time having a baby yes i would say that i would have a really honest conversation with your husband and say we we can't deal with this

there's a whole lot yeah it's a whole lot and as well it depends how the children are the relationship with the mum yeah because she's had two children and she will understand where she's been when people come around and bombard the house when you've got a brand new baby so i don't know what your relationship is with the children's mum well i was thinking like if they could spend some time away with their mum that might be nice but yeah she might not be around anymore and the dad might be the sole carer for the children in which case obviously they're just gonna be in the house yes where they live but it's just maybe finding a pattern grandparents or the other parent

is is around it's just finding a nice thing but i do think i would be completely honest and just say look not only is this a lot for my first time yeah it's your first baby and it's two yeah to just enjoy the bubble um and i think i think he can respect that yeah i think it's really like important to protect your space if you can when you first have a baby like there's a lot of pressure to like have people around straight away or like tell everyone the news straight away and everyone wants to see the baby when they're like as new as possible we had people around like the day after i got home from the hospital and i found it like so overwhelming so overwhelming and like way too much like i wasn't ready and i felt really protective of like even people holding him i was like that's my baby i i want him yeah and i'd been on because i

had a cesarean i'd been on my own in hospital with him for like three days so i felt like that was like a really nice time like just us and then when i got home it was like there were so many people there and everyone was really excited to see him and people were in and out and i was just like whoa i'm not ready for this and so i always say to stefan like if we have another one i would do that differently yeah and i know people that have had children since that have been i've put like a like a ban on people coming around almost for like the first couple of weeks just so they can find their feet and get settled and they've been like i really recommend that it was really helpful so i think that's really good advice if you are able to just protect your space yeah a little bit if you can even if it's just for a couple of days for you to just enjoy because you one also don't know how you're going to feel

after having the babies so it's really hard i feel like the men in the relationship always have the harder end or the person that's not carrying the baby i feel like it's always harder because they don't get to feel the heartbeat and they don't get to feel movements yeah it's really hard for them to bond so i think that's really important for being that it's your your first time having a baby your first baby and it's twins yeah but also for him as well to just create that little bond yeah and to protect her because there's going to be a whole lot of whole lot of this yeah yeah and this and just gotta just relax but with i'm the same as you with dotty with colby everyone came around at the first go yeah with dotsy two weeks yeah but that wasn't that was like my mum was

coming around to help with like my mum was doing me some washing and stuff so she just bungled a washing on and then yeah because also i was going back and forth to work as well with dot so i kind of was wanting to stay in my little bubble yeah of going out to work take her with me no one works in the office so i was only there by myself how did you find that people responded to you wanting a bit more time were people all right with that um yeah people were fine because i didn't make it a big deal of being like oh we're giving it two weeks i just said to everybody oh we're just a little bit busy this week yeah so we can do this keep getting people off yeah yeah um but yeah i think it's just communication on that one that one's a difficult one it's really hard it's awkward but yeah like you say i think just speak to your husband but i think it's a totally understandable feeling and i don't think

you're a bad person at all no i would i would 100 fully agree with you on that one yeah me too yeah that was a lush one but i hope it all goes well please keep us updated i know you've got anonymous but i'd love to know how the pregnancy's going and and the birth the birth yeah and if you if you do have a nice outcome well i was gonna say a nice outcome any outcome to that let us know it otherwise just tend to buck his fucking ideas up. Okay, let's roll into secret number two. Hello, Safina and Emma. My son's year one teacher called me aside to talk about an incident that happened at school.

My just turned six year old can be hyperactive and sometimes has unpredictable behavior. Well, we got a shock when we were told that one day after lunchtime, he decided to pull down his pants and expose his bum to his friends. You can imagine our shock. Lots of things went through my mind.

Oh my God, he's going to grow up to be a flasher. We spent our afternoons wondering what on earth happened and how our son even thought of doing something like this as we've always told him private parts are private. So ladies, when do kids actually start to care about how others perceive them? When do they actually start getting embarrassed about their actions? Cheers from Nina. Oh, Nina. I'm not going to lie, that's actually hilarious that tickled you didn't hear that one

because colby is such a bum flasher and he's the same age but he doesn't bum flash at school he doesn't he doesn't he only flashes at home and not because we've said it being private. Well, obviously we talk about that. But he is just, I don't know. He's just more shy. Yeah. He's quite a shy little boy. I wonder if you, I wonder if Nina, you have any more children? Because I feel like it is something that Dottie would 100% do without any shame.

She wouldn't care. But I think where Colby is a little bit more reserved because he's he's similar age well no my year one teacher year one teacher yeah year one though so he's going up to he'll be going into your she's only just turned six i feel like don't worry about it quite young isn't it it is really young i don't really know what goes through goes through their heads i question some days actually i don't think much no why they think of it but i don't think you've got anything to worry about i think junior school is what is going to change colby but it's infant school is still so little but up to year two so he's going into year two which is still classified as an infant school still very

diddy still finding his feet yeah finding his feet flashing his bum yeah it's only a bum there's something quite funny about it he's doing no harm to anybody else is he he's not like pulling a girl's trousers down that's yeah maybe that's the line that would be and if he was doing it to anybody else yeah but if he's just flashed his bottom like colby gets colby's exactly the same i've always said that colby's got this really boisterous yeah wild personality he just doesn't sit still and his behavior is a bit erratic on occasions but he's also very calm and very quiet and very like when he's put in a situation that makes him a little bit uncomfortable he completely goes into himself but he's got a big personality he's got he just jumps around all the time i always say to him bloody hell you got ants in

your pants well it gets his bum out because he doesn't sit still but you'd just be you'd just be talking in the kitchen Tamran he's like yeah woo and his bum's out and you're like fair one I just think there's

something so funny about a moony do you remember everyone used to do moonies at school like out of the bus window and stuff it is funny

it is funny it is quite funny maybe not when he's like 36 and he's still doing it but hopefully Chris does it to me when he comes home from the driveway and he just flashes his bum at the window i'm like oh

here he is someone get me old as child in i think as well it's a boy thing yeah boys find bums and why is that i don't know but i don't want to take it from them no i know i love that they love it it's quite innocent and fun isn't it i think it's going to be all right i think you'll grow out of it as long as you keep talking about it and always talk about it in a positive way. Like, oh, we don't really show anyone our bottoms because imagine, all I say to the children is if you flashed your bottom to somebody,

what if they flashed their bottom back? How would you feel? And coffee was like, oh, I don't think I'd really like that. And I was like, do you think people want to see your bottom? We call it a botty. Botty, botty. Shake your botty. body but yeah i always try and think of it if i always try and get the babies to put themselves in their shoes yeah like the other person receiving yeah the fake bum one

the flash the the flash i meant to say flash and bum all in one go but yes i think he's great yeah you've got nothing to worry about. He'll be fine. What a dude. And that's it. Right, on to the last secret. All right, this says, Hi, girlies.

I have a confession that I would love to share. Today, when me and my 16-month-old got home from a very busy day out, I was in the kitchen sorting my own snack out when I turned around and saw that she had picked up a bag of half-eaten quavers out of the craft bin and began feasting on them. What's a craft bin? Like a bin for like... All your pens and paper.

Craft activities, okay. I'm not going to lie, I didn't take them off her because I couldn't be bothered with the argument. She was very satisfied with her choice of snack. Keep up the great work, guys. Love, Giovanna. I love that. That's exactly the kind of thing that Joseph would do.

Similar age, similar habits. I think we've all been there. The amount of times I've... Even now, Dossie was eating a bag of snacker jacks the other night and i said where have you got these snacker jacks from because i haven't had them in for about three weeks she was like i just found them in my knicker drawer oh fair one i i mean waste not want not she's nearly five what are they doing in there she'd obviously had a snack in bed and thought you know what save those for later just put them in my

knicker drawer i find all sorts i find there was a there's been moldy food at least well i guess it's not moldy no that's true i don't think it ever goes away at least it was in the craft bin not the actual bin but joseph gets stuff out of the bin he's worked out how to open the lid now so he pings it up and he knows that it's bad so when he does it he goes no and i'm like you you know what you're doing but no totally not totally understandable sometimes you just need an emergency pack of quavers yeah just lying around no judgment i would just start placing them for her just putting them everywhere yeah just but you're hours imagine at the time you could make yourself a sandwich sit

down they've got 40 bags of quavers to find yeah treasure hunt treasure Easter egg hunt but quavers yeah make it quavers yeah or other snacks to keep them interested like oh there's raisins in this one oh yum an apple yes uh she Joanna talks about eating her own snack and then just having to let the baby have a snack I'm in that thing now with Joseph where I can't have a snack in peace because he's like aware and he's too old so i have to like secretly eat in the kitchen yeah shove things into my mouth really quickly so he can't see that i've got it but when he's got a snack that you want he's just started coming up to you and he just goes hiya hiya i see you've got something that i might be interested in is that how he says

i'm like shit i have a biscuit with my cup of tea every morning. I have to secretly shovel it in in the kitchen before he sees me. But he hears me rustling the packet. Are you a dunker? So dunking in? Dunking in, but not in one, like in probably like in two or three dunks. What? Yeah, I know. But he's on to me.

I went for a custard cream when the babies were little because I could get it all in in one go. In in one go. Yeah. And then it's so wet you could just swallow. Yeah, what custard cream? What biscuit? Wouldn't even see your mouth move. Don't know what you're talking about.

Give them anything to keep them alive, I say. But yeah, and don't feel guilty for having something to eat and leaving her to eat the stale quavers. Out of the bin. Because we're all doing it. And she doesn't know any different. She doesn't know any different. And, you know, they taste good.

At least they're edible and it's not a crayon. You're smashing it, Joanne. Joanna. Joanna, sorry taste good. Leaves are edible and it's not a crayon. You're smashing it, Joanne. Joanna. Joanna. Sorry. Joanna. Jo. Joanna.

Jo. Jo. Joanna. Well, that's all, folks. Thank you for your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com. And we're secretmumpod on TikTok and like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com

and we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Share your secrets with us. We can take it all. We can take it all. There really is nothing too gross or outrageous. And if you're enjoying the podcast, why not big us up at the next family gathering? We'll see you next time on the...

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