Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - I Gave Myself The Ick

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

It’s a week of self-care in the Secret Mum Club with Emma getting a haircut, Sophiena carrying on with her Invisalign journey and a listener asking if she should be spending more time pampering herself. We also hear from a mum who isn’t too keen on giving her kids a mobile phone, and a listener who is wondering if having less “itchy leg time” is normal. If you have a secret you'd like to share with us, send it to [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is a secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma this is a place for a bit of you time where you can share your secrets because we all have secrets we do don't we and as we know sharing is caring we we had a wild week last week that's a wild ride last week was wild what with tanning boobs boob tanning fake tan boobs shout out hannah itchy legs for a bit of sexy time and then my awkward which has haunted me for the whole goddamn week it's me and chris kissing in bed i hope he never hears that i've never listened to something and wanted to vomit so much in my mouth um so we'll take all your secrets and not share any of mine so welcome back all secrets are welcome in the secret mom club

Club. How's your week been, Soph? It's been a wild, it's been a wild one. It's been a wild one. It's been, it's been the school holidays.

We've had a week off. How's that? I created my own theme park garden. What? Well, this, that was quite, that was, that was a little bit extravagant.

I may have over, over exaggerated. Was it like an assault course in the garden? I bought a climbing frame. What? That has a swirly whirly slide. It's got a rock wall that you can climb up. It's got a fireman's pole.

It's got a straight slide. Do you know what? I've kitted out the garden. Last year we bought an inflatable slide with a pool at the bottom. Yes, we've got that. I just need to get out my mold spray because it's it's moldy rank which is it is rank isn't it sorry i've got an itchy nose it is rank so i need to

clean that but we've got a sand pit we've got football goal we've got the climbing frame it's like a full-on um well it's like peterborough services on the a1m which i was shouting out last week full-on playground i bet they love it honestly my plan for the six weeks holiday is to stay firmly in the house yeah because i'm sick of going out and paying for stuff i saw you talking about how expensive it is for family days out i mean you've probably saved a ton by just buying all the stuff yourself yeah have it for years obviously there's a lot i've had to spend a lot out yeah but it's their birthdays coming up in the summer anyway so i was like it's a little early birthday present get us ready for

the six weeks holiday yeah and yeah i thought if i get everything in i don't have to leave no because there's so much pressure on society for to be a good mum you have to take them out every single day you have to be going to the park walking theos, taking the alpacas for a roller coaster. Yeah, it's too much. With Instagram as well and other social media, the problem is people always know, if you choose to share it, people always know what you're up to.

So you feel the pressure to always be like, this day I'm here, this day we're going to the farm, now we're going to the zoo. Just stay at home. Yeah, just stay at home. The babies love being at home. They're such homebods anyway. We talk about this all the time, don't we?

But yeah, that was my whole... So how long did that entertain them for? A couple of hours? I'm not shitting you. It was the hardest thing I've ever built in my whole entire fucking life. Don't shout out to Costco for the climbing frameworks because it was a nightmare.

They gave me the smallest Allen key known to mankind for about 45,000 screws and they Allen keyed the whole thing were you putting it up for longer than the kids played on it well the first night took us three hours and we bought one we built one frame that looked like a window jesus and then the next day 12 hours and you know what we didn't fucking finish it on day two we had another three hours the next day god for the labor you've put into it i don't know if it's going to be worth it. I don't know. I just hope the fucking thing doesn't fall down.

Because with that, my blood, sweat and tears went into that. So yeah, that's pretty much what we've done. We've had the, not the six weeks yet. We're ready for the six weeks, but we've had the week off. And we've had nice weather recently as well. So you don't need to go anywhere, do you? It's like being on holiday. It's so beautiful.

Obviously, it's hard, isn't it? so beautiful obviously i just it's hard isn't it because i'm very much a stay-at-home person and i talk about that we spend a lot of time at home but obviously there is people that are don't have access to a garden yeah which is so it's so hard so i hope that people have spent and had the week as best possible yeah and got out enjoyed the sun as much as as they can but it's been beautiful yeah it's been really nice and i'm hoping that the weather for the summer is going to be really nice. And I'm hoping that the weather for the summer is gonna be really nice because the first five months of the year have been shite.

Yeah, so I hope that means next few months is gonna be really nice. We're meant to be having a heat wave on Friday. Can't wait. 26 degrees. That is an absolute scorcher. Get the barbecue, get the gin. Come on, get on boys.

Don't bring the boys. It's a girl club only. No, it's not. I'm kidding. So anywho. Dads are welcome. Dads are welcome in the secret mum club. Grandparents are welcome.

I even said this. Do you know how many people have messaged me to say, not that they're having itchy leg time. Let us know though, if there was any itchy leg time over the weekend please do get in touch we want to know all the gory details of your itchy leg and remember you can stay in on we were trying to think of weren't we as to how the actions would be yeah because what do we think it i think it was should we recap on this for people who didn't see last week's episode someone wrote in anonymous

saying that their son caught them in the act having sexy time when they were younger and they um just said i was just scratching your mom's legs and we have been speculating about what that might mean yeah what do you think as to what position what is itchy legs well i'm just thinking a straight like a but you you thought it was like right in well i don't i i don't know if i can so i can act it out on the podcast you could try but i'm gonna say head head in yeah something rather than heads parallel something involving i think it was something involving another body part the body part that you i just think it was like a straight, like a... What do you call that? Who are you?

Itchy leg time. Who are you? You know? Like a... I don't know. Maybe like a... Oh, it could be like a... On top.

Anyway. I would just like to confirm that we have no itchy leg time. And also, I hate myself for saying that I... Chris, kiss and bed? Kiss, Chrisris in bed literally feel so violated i hope all of your itches have been scratched well and truly scratched but that's enough of my week i want to hear about your itchy leg week oh christ no itchy leg time but i did go for my annual haircut. What? I only get my hair cut once a year because it's just so expensive. I feel like women's haircuts particularly have just gone through the roof. I'm not going to lie to you.

I have just found an absolutely incredible salon. Have you? It was tremendous. Well, if I can. And it was reasonably priced. Priced. Yeah. I just, I feel like going to the hairdresser should be like an experience that you enjoy it

should be relaxing yes it's a few hours away from the baby yes i just do not enjoy it at all i find it so such a stressful experience i find it anxiety inducing actually i just really do not like it i don't have a hairdresser that i've found that i like so i just end up going to like a random place i don't really want to have small talk with people and you never know whether they're going to try and chat to you so i just tend to close my eyes and just very much give off a do not talk to me vibe which i think my face does a lot of the work to be honest we wonder where joseph the old resting bitch face um but yeah guess guess how much i paid right what have we have we had done? So I had colour, balayage and root tints. That's two types of colour and a cut and blow dryer.

Oh. You're looking at me now like I can't even tell you've had it done. Which is fair. I don't think it looks that different. But they say the sign of a good haircut is when you can't tell that you've had it done. No, for this price, I want people to fucking know about it oh okay i'm gonna go 180 no i feel like 150 to 180 would be about normal for that now which is still insane it was 280 pounds and i had 20 pounds off so i paid 260 but still

isn't that just obscene where did you go harrods i just went to a local salon but like christ i mean i tweeted about it people like how much are they paying you absolute radio i was like not that much that's why i only get it done once a year because it's just ridiculous wow that is ah so i just feel very stressed about that i mean my husband's often like you know because he plays golf and i'm always like oh lucky you get to go and have like because golf takes fucking ages so you can get to have like six hours away from the baby he's like well why don't you take time to do something nice for yourself go and have a haircut and i'm like no i just find that a very stressful stressful i've never felt more ugly than no i just find that a very stressful stressful experience i've never felt more ugly than when i sit with that cape on in front of the mirror

is so the most the time i hate myself you hate yourself the most yeah and the problem is i wear glasses so i often take my glasses off so they can do what they need to do can you just not see yourself can't see no idea what's going on i put my glasses on at the end they're like how's that yeah and there's the 285 but i do that awkward british thing of going yeah that's that's lovely thank you thank you very much and i'm and i'm never coming back and you cry and then i get in the car and i cry all the way home and you're like what the fuck just what have i done it's when you stand there and you're like what the fuck just what have i done it's when you stand there and you're like sorry could you just repeat that for me 200 sorry it's the 280 is it you sure it's just still not going in yeah the two the stressful week yeah oh it sounds stressful mine i also got

these yes yeah what do you think of them um invisalign is it yeah i mean i've i know what you're going through because i had that about a year ago so i i know what it's like it feels weird doesn't it it gets to about four o'clock when i've had enough and they're making me feel a little bit like right there's too much invasion of my mouth do you know what it is it's just like when you go out for a meal and you have to drag your fingers in your mouth and pop pop them out yeah show your saliva with everyone at the table suck them out but it's not for long and i feel like it'll be worth it not for long february eight months thank god you're wearing glasses because you've got a saliva coming out of my mouth is meant you were like this later that's only the duration of a pregnancy that's

like no time fuck i'd rather have a child this is fucking this is commitment this is commitment and it's in my mouth. I don't let no fucker in there. Apart from Chrissy when we're snogging in bed. Apart from doing itchy leg time. Now this podcast is nothing without you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. Yes, you're all welcome to share your secrets with us.

Please do. The email is hello at secret mom pod.com and you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search for secret mom pod we want to hear all the secrets get it off your chest share it with us we don't even need to know your name no i feel like there's a song in there somewhere um we don't need to know your name. Just one you just made up? You can stay totally anonymous if you want. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together.

And we know that we are. We're all stars. And we see that. Yes! See that or see it? See it. I'm looking at your mouth. I'm looking at, I'm lip reading to see what lyrics you say. You can't see my lips because of these Invisaligners.

I'm going to hide them from, we're all in this. We'll get it right next time. We will. We'll do the whole song for you one day. Every week before I hear your secrets, I'll share one of mine with you. So here's my secret of the week. Drum roll, please. Do my children actually get along?

Yes. You've even asked me this. This is something that I've wondered because obviously I follow your social media and it does seem like they do really get along. And it does. It does get to people, the inquisitiveness of people as to whether they do get along or they don't. Obviously, no one's ever going to share their children having a mental breakdown on social media. But in all honesty, they do get along.

They do. It's really like that all the time. The only time, like when they're arguing, it's so intense, so quick and such a massive burst that they're just like, ah! And then that's it. They get their shouts out and then they move on. And then they're over it. Yeah, they're over it. Do they forgive each other afterwards

or do they hold grudges? No, no. They just move on? Yeah, they have their like couple of minutes where they sit and then she'll go, I'm not playing with Colby. And he'll go, I'm not playing with Dottie. And they sit there and then they just kind of look at each other and they're like, should we go back outside and play?

And then they just carry on. But I would say Colby is very much where he is getting that little bit bigger. He likes his own time. He likes his own room. So I would say at the moment they're trying very much to, again, understand each other's boundaries. Because Colby very much likes his own each other's boundaries because colby very much likes his own room he doesn't want her in his room anymore so she's still not understanding that why can't i play in your room like a year ago she doesn't say that but she's like we were playing in

the room like she doesn't understand why it's changed and she doesn't understand but he doesn't understand why he wants his own time so i'm trying to be really respectful for him growing yeah but no 99 at the time they really do get on they do that's amazing because i feel like so many siblings just scrap and fight and i think especially when there's a close age gap which you have quite a close age gap and then when it's a boy then a girl i would worry about the boys being each other up yeah no i would say but then me my brother and my sister never argued. You didn't? No.

We were never like the hair pulling. Like when we used to go round to our friend's house, like my mum and dad would have a party. They'd go round to their friend's house who had children the similar age as us. Me and my sister and my brother used to sit there and watch them all like pull each other's hair, shove each other down the stairs. And we'd be like, do you know what? I'm trying to like obviously i'd love

that to be the situation with my baby joseph and like any subsequent siblings that he may have obviously i would love them all to get along and for it to be like a harmonious household and i'm trying to think like how do i do that because my husband stefan always says that he also never fought with his siblings he's one of three three, youngest boy. And I'm one of three girls. I'm also the youngest. So Stefan's all boys? No, girl, girl, boy. And we're girl, girl, girl.

But yeah, so he says they never fought. And I'm like, wow, that's amazing. And me and my sisters fought like cat and dog. Did you? So I'm like, how do we make our house a house where brothers and sisters just get on with each other? I'm going to be really, really raw and really just get on with each other i'm going to be really really raw and really really honest with you i truly believe it stems from mum and dad me and chris never talk

derogatory about each other we never pick holes in each other we keep everything away from the children we speak civilly in front of the children we have nice conversations and they see the nice bit like if there's anything that we're talking about or if colby does something and me and chris don't agree on it whoever is in the moment of the bad action the parent will deal with it so if he's done something in front of dad dad will tell him off and i will just respect that situation because it's not mine but if i don't agree with chris i'll wait till the babies go to bed and go do you know what i don't think we should have done it that way we should and then chris will go oh yeah i do think that's really important to have like a united front and i truly believe that how it works from ours is just we very much keep it it is we do just have a happy time respectful yeah

and there's nothing life is too short you only get one shot at this life and i try and make every day as fun as possible it doesn't matter what we doing. I truly believe laughter is the key to happiness. As much as I can try and make the babies laugh, I will be a tit all day long so that the house is filled with laughter. I think you really get that from your social media feed as well. Like they, yeah, the reason why they get along

is probably because you've created a happy and loving environment. I think that's really testament to you as a parent. That's very kind. Yeah. What you're saying is my mum and dad fucked up and that's really testament to you as a parent that's very kind yeah what you're saying is my mom dad fucked up it's their fault no i'm just gonna cheers guys no i think the i'm very lucky because i don't have the pressure and stress of work and i think it's really hard different for everyone yeah it's different for everybody and i think so much and our parents are i think how our parents parented back then

it was just a different generation it was a different generation and my mum and dad were my mum was poorly growing up like when i was when i was younger so my dad did a lot so my dad wasn't around so it was just my mum and my mum just didn't have the time for us to argue so we're all like yeah that that that woman's crazy i'm not gonna fuck with her she was she was my mom was scary she was the scary mom i'm not gonna lie but i think sometimes the pressure of work when parents go out to work and you come home it's kind of that that cliche thing of just leave the shit at the door just don't take it in your house don't take the negative i truly believe what you put out to the universe you get back so don't take that negative energy in the house just leave it and leave it in the car yeah don't or just put

it out don't leave it in the car because then you've got to fucking pick it up the next day fuck that no but yeah just I think you've done

a fantastic job thanks you're doing a great job Joseph is a fucking credit to you well we'll see how he is for any future I just literally

adore him he's just so I just love his little face when he's just like no the scowl I'm not doing that he's like me

bitch girl takes after his mum so that's my secret next we'll be hearing some of yours on the secret mom club i'm not sure we can top last week oh man we laughed we're in how we laughed we laughed too much we're in the secret section oh it's the secret section section of the podcast where the secrets come out so yeah we're gonna share some we're rolling off with number one here we go this is from beth she says hey ladies i've got a 10 year old going up to secondary school this year and they're already asking for a phone i haven't

told them yet but i don't think they're old enough for one maybe that's a very old-fashioned way of thinking when should i buy him a phone i'm not there yet with this because i'm not really my baby's only 16 months you're not really there yet either no but i am getting closer and i do talk about this because you can still have your your say on it because you you've been there we've lived that i mean i had a phone like obviously this is going back quite a way and i beth's son is 10 i had a phone when i was 11 i think or 12 back in the day did you yeah so i feel like now i had a pager yeah i know i mean you had pager all right 1985 How old are you? My dad had a pager.

For work. I used to feel like I was really business. But who did you page? I used to have business in the front, party in the back. Literally. Because I did fuck all. They used to page me and they'd be like, you need to come home. And I was like, fuck that.

Who did you page? I got the wine. I don't understand how it works. My mum and dad used to page me. What? They used to have to ring a service and say what they wanted to be paged oh my god and then they used to page me our kids are gonna be like are you joking that sounds so when you tell them i wish i had my page so old if you had one now i'd page you would you yeah it might be quite nice to just have one where like people can only get hold of you for like emergency things you're not just getting like because sometimes i think you can have too much on your phone do you know what i mean i don't know what pager was for though it was for doctors phones now do too much do you know what i

mean yeah they do i don't necessarily need to know who's at my door every hour of the day oh i always get alerted by my ring doorbell i know when there's people at your door someone's knocking in my door so i don't know i had one i think while saying that i went to a secondary school not with my brother and sister i went to a different one and i think i had mine yeah maybe 11 12 yeah so i feel like these days 10 is not like not that i think it's just that step isn't it it's just that little bit of letting go it's hard i think as well like i'm saying phones do so much now that you probably need to set some kind of like parental control so that they can only do certain things on it i think maybe say like what do you think is an

appropriate time span during the day for you to have your phone maybe you shouldn't have it right before bed so you can give them a phone but also set these boundaries and these limits yeah um but actually i think i would want my child to have a phone for the set these boundaries and these limits yeah um but actually i think i would want my child to have a phone for the safety element yeah just to know where they are and when and make sure because you can do tracking and stuff now and just make sure they're all like my nephew goes out with it and doesn't charge it and then my sister drives around looking for him like where the bloody hell are you no i'm gonna have trackers set up on mine like when my kids have phones and i'm gonna know where they are at all times because i remember having to go to like again it's gonna make us sound so

old but i remember having to go to like the pay phone yeah i phoned my parents and say find 20p go to the phone box and say i'm gonna be late home tonight or whatever or do you like the reverse call reverse like you were calling from prison hiya where are you just in the shopping center oh sounds like you're in jail yeah and then make your parents pay for it yeah but so i think this is better than that because at least you can get hold of them all the time but yeah i understand why people would be hesitant it's just that one thing it's just letting go isn't it i think maybe with the whole phone situation it's just introducing it very slowly yeah like with my sister she gave them them just

when they were going to school. So because they were walking to school and then they come home from school and she used to put it away in a box. And then she'd introduce it slowly that they were then having time to be able to WhatsApp their friends and meet their friends.

And she moved it and graduated it in slowly. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. It's like anything, isn't it? As long as they're not doing it all the time and they do other stuff as well then i think it could actually like at the weekends they don't get there they don't get their phone they're a little bit older yeah when they can go out and meet their friends yeah but yeah it was just the safety the safety of it but it's a hard one yeah tough one but i don't i i to sit here now and say would i give colby a phone at 10 years old me here now sitting here would say

no really but then i don't know when he's 10 it might be different yeah but he's obviously going to go up to secondary school and i equally don't want him to feel like at no point he can't just go i'm having a really shit day and i just wanted to talk to you and also if everyone else has got one yeah because i reckon probably a lot of kids do get one when they go up to secondary school so they're gonna want to be like everyone else yeah yes so yeah not we haven't been much help really on that one no but it's good to talk it out sorry beth we don't know sorry beth oh that was not a good resolution was it beth i feel like we've just made it your life even more difficult 10 times harder i was as well what now i've just said that what if they do just want to ring you and say mom i'm gonna really shit i know i think

that's the thing for me do it just get yeah that makes it worth it just keep him safe beth yeah please okay do you want a number two because i sure do not personally but let's have another secret jodie says hi fellow mums we spend all of our spare money on the kids buying them toys clothes taking them places but i want to treat myself for once i haven't had a haircut in two years and you can imagine the chaos should i be spending more on myself it feels a bit selfish to do so this one makes me really really sad and it's something really really close to home for me because i never ever ever ever buy anything for myself i don't really either i bought myself a pair of

sunglasses recently and i tell you what i don't think i slept for two weeks i shit myself it was the most scariest thing in my whole entire life do you know that chris went to me so proud of you for doing that even my best friend said it oh she's like i'm so proud of you she got upset she was like i can't believe you've actually bought something for yourself. It doesn't make for yourself. Yeah. I personally do think, yes, we should be treating ourselves. Yes. One million percent. It's the hardest job in the whole entire world. Yeah.

And you deserve to have treats just as much as everybody else in your life. Yeah. Will the feeling of feeling selfish ever go away? No. No. I just feel like once you have kids, something changes in you that like. Is there forever. You just want to do everything for them. Yeah them i feel like it's just like instinctive and you yeah you feel guilty

when you do stuff for yourself i feel like the selfish feeling is a good feeling because that shows you care and it shows you love but you also need to remember to look after yourself yeah i think exactly but the feeling is right yeah the feeling is normal to have yeah but you do need to treat yourself yeah and it doesn't have to be be like, don't go spend 280 pound on a haircut. Don't go to Emma's hairdressers because they are ripping you off. But even if it's just, you know, something small or even if, you know, because things are bloody expensive. Take yourself for like a little drive through Costa. Yeah. Just do something small. It doesn't even have to have financial value. You could just sit down at the end of the day and say,

I'm going to have an hour to myself to watch a TV program that I like. It's important to do stuff for yourself, definitely. 100%. Absolutely, Jodie. Treat yourself. Always treat yourself. Yes, I love that. That was a nice one.

Yeah, love that one. Right, let's have the last one. All right, this says, Hi, ladies. Since the arrival of our baby girl a year ago my partner and i have been intimate maybe once or twice i just have no desire to get funky between the sheets it's not that i'm not attracted to him i love him more than ever but i really don't want to have sex is this normal yes it is this is something that people absolutely hated

me for the fact that i talked about this really i put it out on my instagram and people like uh she's weird chris is obviously cheating on her she's not giving him any he must be this he must be that he's getting it from somewhere else oh get a goddamn life it is so normal i don't have the time no to itch his leg fuck it all snogging in bed or kiss between the sheets oh get funky no i don't i would like to say that it's it's completely normal it's really normal um i think yeah the fact that people made you like shamed you for talking about it is really sad because we do need to talk about it this is the whole point this is the point of this podcast but just in general like you should be able to be open about this stuff it's not shameful it's not embarrassing it's really normal my me and my husband's still sleeping

separate beds um because that's purely for practical reasons uh because i work really early hours and he looks after the baby during the night. So we were like, do you know what? We'll both just get more sleep if we sleep in separate beds and we're both sleeping better and that works out really well for us. And newsflash, during the nighttime and in bed is not the only place you can have sex.

Okay. You don't have to just do it in a bed. Yes. Yes. But yeah, I think really normal. But I also think, how old is your baby girl? A year. Yeah.

So that's, you know, a bit of time has passed. I think communication here is key. Yes. I think it is an important part of a relationship. And I think if you have an open conversation with your husband about it. But you're both feeling the same. Yeah. And not one is feeling less, like, in case one of them wants to do it.

Yeah. But feels like the other one doesn't want to. Yeah. And you're feeling very lost in your own feelings it has to be a very mutual conversation to talk about definitely i think yeah just talk about it let your partner know where you're at so neither one of you is getting frustrated or resentful and yeah maybe you could just start with something small like spending more time with each other if you have that luxury and maybe you can get someone to look after the baby and you could go out for dinner or just do something nice together where take the pressure off of the actual situation yeah happening and then see what happens organically because we're not all at it

like rabbits no most most people aren't that's not realistic it's not realistic and it's when people are like oh should i be doing there is no time as to how many times you should be doing it you do it when the time feels right. And if that means it's once a month, once a year, it's perfect for you. Yeah, whatever. It has to be perfect for you. Yeah. And it doesn't mean that anybody else is getting it anywhere else.

For the people that were like, she's getting it from, he's getting it from somewhere else. Yeah. She's cheating on him. Not helpful. No. It's a normal thing to be going through. Really normal. I think let's just talk about it.

Let's talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. We should be open and honest about it. We're not all just having sex all the time. Apart from Anonymous from last week. To be fair. Yeah.

Itchy legs. Who is getting her legs itched. Constantly. On the reg. This was a very serious Secrets this week. It was. So like this one, it was a good one. This one was a more serious one.

I loved that. They were weighty confessions, weren't they? They were. I loved it. So thank you for sharing your Secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Yeah. And if you'd like to share your Secrets with us, you can.

The email is hello at secretmumpod.com. We're also secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And whatever your secret or confession tell us all there really is nothing too gross or outrageous there really isn't and if you're enjoying

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and we'll see you next week on the Secret Mum Club