Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - Merry Christmas!

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

The ladies have a special little festive episode for you filled with presents, crackers and a cheeky bottle of non-alcoholic fizz! Despite there being no alcohol in the vicinity, it’s safe to say the bubbles have definitely had an effect! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm excited nice to meet you excited and i'm emma and before we get started you and your kin we wish you a merry is it not king and a happy new year did you say king yeah kin king kin king kin he's our king not our kin with no g on the end why what's the kin uh to you and your kin i think it just means like you and everyone next of kin you and everyone you know stop it 36 years because i remember at school everyone used to sing to you and your king and they'd be like no oh it's kin wow 36 years today wow never too old never too old uh as a special festive treat we've got an elf-sized episode to share with you all just a little something to help spread the Christmas joy.

So let's do it. I was going to say get it. Oh. Let's get it. Let's do it. Let's get it. Pop on, put the fizz. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Pop it open. Merry Christmas to everyone. I feel like there's going to be quite a lot of singing in this episode snow is falling inserting Stefan's family

on the bass oh right should have got them to do a backing track for us we should have the old Von Trapps the old pals

we should we should clarify that this this Prosecco this this Prosecco is brought to you by M&S Food. This is a Fizzero.

Fizzero is non-alcoholic. It is non-alcoholic. Yeah. Because last time when we were popping bottles. Well. Well, we both ended up pregnant. No. Last time we popped a bottle, I was pregnant and didn't know.

Yes, you was Very very very early Very early on And it was to celebrate The engagement Yeah We got so pissed In the afternoon

That we Was it the engagement Or was it my birthday No it was the engagement Because I got engaged In July It was my birthday in July I know

Mine too No I feel like it was The birthday episode Because I opened All those presents Was it Was it it I don't know ready yeah i love that sound this is gonna be so freaking loud can you imagine what's everybody doing now

what's everyone doing on this festive day i reckon everyone else is popping a bottle at the same time do you think i hope so join us it's 5am and you're just popping your pussies everywhere. Popping bottles in their eyes. Like a blizzard. It's a rosé as well. It is a rosé. Look at that blush. Look at that blush.

Just like my cheeks. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, cheers, cheers. Down the hatch. Hey. Shit, that's fresh. Tastes like schluck. It does a little bit. It does taste like schluck. It's really nice it's really nice really nicer than schlur because schlur i can find really sickly after a while yeah it's not too sweet i love that

merry christmas to you cheers do you know what sometimes say when i drink this stuff i end up like i was drinking non-alcoholic gins the other day oh yeah and i think i told myself that i was drinking a gin yeah and i'd like given myself you get the whirlies you get a placebo i started pretending that i was pissed yeah i think you get a bit of a because you're right and i was like oh get another one also some things are like 0.5 alcohol so you've got to be a little bit careful hold on let's just have all this is 0 i think this is zero it's basically fruit juice zero percent yeah fizzy fruit but it's nice because we can. Fizzy fruit juice. But it's nice because we can't have a drink this year.

So it's nice to feel like you can join everyone else in. Plus, there is also, what I find is really lovely, is how inclusive it is for the people that choose not to drink.

Yes. And I love that they can still feel like they're having something special. Yeah. Yeah. And it's something special for them. I really love that. Because it's nice to be able to

like raise a toast and actually be holding like a flute of fizz yeah and not a lemonade and not a tap water which is normally what i'm having or a slice with a lemon slice yeah you can hold it and feel part of the team with not having to yeah feel like you're part of something yeah part of the festivities i think i'm gonna keep drinking it after i'm not pregnant. It's so nice. I said this to Chris. You know what? I'm not actually missing alcohol. I'm not either. No.

I didn't with Joseph either. I think there's something. I think I did with the other two. Did you? Yeah. Because as soon as I had them both, I was desperate. Back on it. I was desperate to have another glass of wine.

But this time I'm not actually that bothered. See, I wasn't. I thought I would be like gagging. Yeah. And then when I came home from hospital and everyone was desperate to celebrate, they were like, oh, let's pop that nice bottle of champagne we've been saving and I was like oh that's the last thing I feel like no thank you I had a small token glass of champagne but yeah I didn't fancy it anywho cheers all right so first things first we need to set the scene

I want to know what does Christmas day look like in your house pajama party do you stay in your pajamas all day no not all day no no no we had our first ever ever ever ever christmas day last year by ourselves just me chris and the babies that was the first one we've ever had um was a little bit lonely i'm not gonna lie why did you decide to do that we kind of just wanted to test it just to see yeah what did you do lockdown year then we oh yeah we were no we didn't break the rules my mom my mom my sister were in a bubble so they were together but no my brother was in our bubble so we had our brother over because his wife is nhs so she had to go to work so we had richie in our bubble nice so he came over to ours and we had a nice family family din dins but that was nice because it was a different face there so yeah it made it feel a bit different yeah yeah um and then we had everybody else on facetime so we were all having

our dinner together yeah nice sweet but last year we thought we'd test the water and i'll be honest i don't think it was for us no no i really missed it christmas dinner terribly yeah did you well we had like pizza and stuff on christmas day and then i did like you do a roast no no well i did a few bits for my brother so did it even feel like christmas day if you didn't have a christmas dinner i think because of oh what last year's one yeah the one with my brother yeah because that was lockdown it didn't really feel like no i didn't feel like christmas anyway yeah last year um yes it did because it's the magic for the children yeah and. And they're just so excited, aren't they? But a normal, typical Christmas is pyjamas till early, late morning, early afternoon.

Yeah, yeah. And then we get ready and we tend to head over to my mum's probably anywhere from about 12 to 4, just depending on how our morning's gone. And then my sister comes. And then normally my brother and his wife come in the they either come for the first part of the day or they come in the evening yeah um but they're actually having their first christmas away oh they're not with us at all on christmas day this year no they're going to spend it so they because they're finding the traveling a

little bit distressing so when they come to christmas day because they're having to see both families in one day yeah they don't really ever get to enjoy their christmas day yeah so i think do you know what why not why not just take it in turn so i think then next year they're going to be with us all all year all day nice yeah so they're going to just take it in turns but yeah normal christmas for us is very slow and when do you what time do you have your dinner because some people are at lunch time some people are at dinner time well my mum always says sorry mum if you're listening my mum always says two but there's just a ritual that we have at the moment where my mum just with the meat cleaver at my dad and he's in the kitchen he's trying to help she's sweating there's always an

argument on christmas day always but i tell you what i did buy my mum on tiktok shop i bought one of them trays that you could like a serving tray to keep the food hot because she gets so stressed about food going cold so i bought her a serving tray oh my god you know what i've just had an idea for my dad for christmas he's obsessed we're keeping food hot i'm gonna get him one steve today's your lucky day i've got a shoppable link on my tiktok so if you just want to go and use that yeah affiliate i can earn send me a code very fucking christ great is it like what you get in an indian where you have the hot plate yeah to keep it hot it's like the silver no it's the silver tray yeah not a trolley where you put the plates in it it's just got the little

list you know like if you go to a buffy yeah and you serve like a a buffy in a hotel breakfast yeah one of them oh yes that's what he needs i bought it for her as well because she kept on and on about this this thing so i got her it and then all she went is that's big isn't it well you asked for it suzanne so you'll bloody get it so you'll bloody use it all right but i said to her i've been asking her now for weeks so she could do me a tester a tester on the cook a sunday roast and test out the tray but she won't so christmas day will be the first time so i'm sure that'll be stress free. I'm not. Never. Never.

So yeah, it tends to aim to be about two but I think we get it between about two and four. Yeah. Yeah. We're somewhere around there as well.

And it depends when everyone arrives. My sister's got a lot of cargo to get sorted in the morning. It's a lot of people to cook for, isn't it? Yeah. But she loves it though.

Yeah. She moans about it but then when we say, oh, we're not going to have Christmas dinner with you, she's like, what? That's the thing, isn't it? yeah but she loves it though yeah she moans about it but then when we say oh we're not gonna have christmas dinner with you she's like what that's the thing isn't it because we um we have to kind of take it in turns mental things where she's like when i go i want you to remember me well for doing a nice christmas dinner and you just think i said i remember you for chasing me down with a meat cleaver that's what i'm moaning about your bloody heated tray i said to my mom and dad the other day what we're gonna do when you're gone because fuck this this is taking a turn guys merry christmas everyone but there's

no one else that knows how to cook christmas dinner they were like you could do it and i was like no i don't think i could there's a lot of elements there's a lot of timing oh i think we're lucky because i think either way my mom or dad would do good but then my brother-in-law does a really nice mean christmas oh so he'd be all right. He'd be stuck with us. Yeah. My dad said to me, because we've been doing our kitchen, haven't we, with the lead up to this.

My dad was like, what are you going to do when you hold Christmas at your house? I'm not going to. I'm not. Ever. That's why you and Roxanne have a big house so I can just come to you. Yeah. Yeah. Never ever doing it.

I don't think I'm ever going to host. I'm just going to stay in a house that's too small and say sorry that's what i for everyone hello yeah that's what i'm thinking everyone's calculating you're not gonna move out no no no i'm dividing dotty's room into two yeah to put a little bit little room in there for a cot and a wardrobe single bed when he gets a little bit bigger perfect your uncle fanny's wrong i'm mortgage free i'm living the dream and too small for visitors so sorry but you're not welcome cozy i said no room at the inn no room at the end sorry no room at bethlehem you'll have to take the stable i don't even have one of them do i oh the hatch at the bottom of my garden yeah yeah yeah so then

when do you open your presents are you christmas eve like allowed to do one on christmas eve we have a tradition christmas eve which my mom did with us so we have pajamas every one every matching um yeah like we do family matching ones but they're under the tree yeah christmas eve but we tend to do like a christmas box so on the first of december the babies get a box that goes under the tree normally but at the moment mine's in in the hallway with a tiny little tree where they can take things out of like coloring and things like that i just fill up and i do like a december box rather than a christmas eve box i have like hot chocolates in their bath bombs and they can pick one thing a day because otherwise you give them a christmas eve box and then they get all these presents the next day and it's overwhelming it's yeah the box gets forgotten too much so yes we we've been doing that

with the lead up and then they get one on christmas eve but they aren't mine are up early doors are they to be fair i'm up i don't sleep i'm too fucking excited what time do they get up what time do you get up i'm normally up about four yeah and the babies are probably anywhere between four or five then do you pass out at like 7 p.m no you don't keep going all day because're hardcore. I like to party hard. Oh, no, no. We're going to party hard. Yes, come on. But tell me about yours. We, yeah, get up. I can't remember the last time I was like up really early,

couldn't sleep, Christmas Eve excitement. Like probably not since I was. Little. 10. But then I wonder if the older that Joseph gets, I think that comes back. Yeah, because obviously he'll be waking up early. But at the moment, just like a normal morning morning it's just their face when they're like this

in the morning has he been yeah i'm excited for him to understand it he's a little bit too young at the moment he doesn't really get it so we're not gonna go mad on presents or anything for him um but yeah we just get up it's all about food for my family so always at my mom and dad's house we can't we have to take it in turns to go away and see the in-laws so we last year we were in wales for christmas day you did an eye roll then you can't do that no i like going to wales for christmas but what who's rick i like going there but the problem is if my sister's at her husband's family oh at the same time because they're away my mom and dad to have a christmas basically on

their own so we're kind of yeah what about your other sister she's there oh but she's she's just her like no kids or anything so that's a quiet small christmas for them that is a really quiet but this year we're all there oh fuck that's gonna be wild yeah and it's the first time we've been there with the baby for christmas. Both babies are there as well? Yeah. Because your sister's babies? Yes, my sister's baby, my baby, and me and my sister have both got babies in our tummies. In our bellies!

So we've got four babies there. So yeah, so that's going to be really nice. But it's all just about, we get up, we normally have a champagne, but I'll be having the Fasero. And then we do no presents before, or just presents on Christmas Day morning, nothing on Christmas Eve. You don't do pajamas? No, just presents Christmas Day. Love that. Carnage, tear everything apart.

That's all over within like half an hour. Always. And then you're like, what are we going to do now? And then you put something on the telly, don't you? Put something on the telly, yeah. We always watch whatever shit's on TV. And then we're the same as you. We have our roast dinner at about three, four o'clock.

And then the idea is have a cheese board in the evening. But I feel like after that dinner, you're'clock. Yeah. And then the idea is have a cheese board in the evening but I feel like after that dinner it's too much. You're too full. I'm always annoyed at myself that I can't fit the cheese board in.

Yeah. Because I go too mad with the roast. What we need is the roast mums at like 12 one. Yeah. Mums.

And then cheese boards. My mum and your mum. Come on mums. Nick and Suzanne. Yeah we need it earlier. Sort the fucking thing out. We need it earlier. Do you want to pull

my cracker anyway? Oh. Would you like to pull my cracker yeah let's we haven't done any on your christmas day table i do have crackers one two three oh handy i've got a pair of tweezers that's for your hairy brows for your it's for your hairy again listen back to previous oh do you want to hear my joke yeah so it says how much did santa pay for his sleigh how much did santa pay for his sleigh nothing it was on my house oh that's a good one that's a good one that's actually quite good um now we pulled each other's crackers we hope everyone's having a lovely christmas Yeah. We only popped on briefly just to say, good King Wenceslas, last night out.

But we hope everyone's having a beautiful day and you're surrounded by lots of people, lots of love, lots of warmth. And lots of food. And lots of food, yes. And you're enjoying your day as best as you can. Emma, I've got some news. Try not to freak out.

Okay. I'm pregnant. What? No way! Santa! Me too! Emma I've got some news try not to freak out okay I'm pregnant what no way Santa me too god who would have

bloody thought what a coincidence nearly got to 34 weeks without telling anyone imagine no seriously no seriously no seriousness

Santa's been to the podcast what to the podcast to the pod room Santa's been here to the studio Santa's come to the podcast what? to the podcast? to the pod room Santa's been here to the studio Santa's come to us

near us Santa's been fuck Santa I know him the Santa yep he dropped us his sack

he's been and he's emptied his sack. For us. Just for us. And now we're pregnant. Surprise! Oh, some gifts under the tree. Let me get one for you. Thank you.

Are they for you? Well, it's labels. Do you want a Yule log? To Safina. Yeah, should we have a treat? We've got mince pies yule logs and French fancy frosted fancies

they're called at winter sorry which one which one are you going to go for I'm going to go for a frosted fancy yeah they're your favourite aren't they they are my favourite to Safina

Merry Christmas from Santa thank you Santa so much and to Emma Merry Christmas from Santa I mean mine there's a little

I don't want to say but mine's a lot bigger than yours it's not about the size of the ocean. It's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean. It's about the size of the whale. This feels like an engagement ring. Will you?

Will you? Take my hand in. Marry me. Oh! Oh, my God! Tell them what it is. It's a poo emoji key ring. A poo emoji key ring.

I feel like it's your fault that we've got this because you cannot stop talking about poo. I just love shit so much. You love it. I just shat on everyone, I do. I love shatting on everyone. Shit out my mum. Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, thank you, Santa. I love that. Thank you, Santa. Santa knows us so well. Okay, you ready to open the main ones? Yeah, of course. Every week? Yeah.

Then bubbles go right up your nose. I reckon he was one of the top five percenters on Spotify this year. I didn't get his share Spotify'd. Did you? He's wrapped. Yeah, too. What's your... Okay, so do mine first.

Oh, it's a farm yard tractor with loads of animals and a farm yard tractor and a trailer. More cow. More e-i-e-i-o. Oh my gosh. You know, I kind of feel like this is a present for Joseph, not for me. Joseph is going to fucking love that so much. He is going to love this. Merry Christmas, Joseph. It's everything that going to love this. Merry Christmas, Joseph.

It's everything that he loves. Oh, Merry Christmas, Joseph from Santa. Oh, and it sings as well. It makes a noise. It lights up and it sings. He's going to love that so much. Nothing I buy him is going to compare now. Nothing compares to this tractor and trailer.

Nothing compares to this. Are you ready? What's yours? Is it? It's my ball brushes never will i ever be stuck and ever again we're the blocked loo you're never gonna live this down oh my god tell us what it is it's glow sticks i've got some more glow it's about 50 glow sticks i'm so sorry i keep forgetting that this isn't on a video because what do you use them for i use glow

sticks well there was one occasion where i had a blocked toilet and i had to unblock the toilet so i grabbed some glow sticks and i rammed them down my toilet i would like to say that i did actually i didn't actually um throw them away they were they were gone when i got home so what you think happened is christy touched my pooey sticks and threw them in the bin my pooey glow sticks have you asked him about that yet no i don't ask um but yeah that is the most iconic gift do you know what i thought it might be what a poo knife oh we're waiting for branded ones of those yeah we're gonna get merch merch poo knives but that is the second best roll on 2024 thank you so much for joining us in the secret this year all your stories and secrets have been incredible they really have.

So keep them coming in. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back officially next year. With a brand new season. Featuring even more of the poo knife stories. And itchy leg secrets. Have a wonderful Christmas, everyone.

And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.