Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - Soph's a DIY Queen!

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Soph’s had a week of DIY chaos while Chrissy’s been stuck in bed ill, and Emma’s family scooter day nearly ends in disaster when a brand new scooter rolls straight into a duck pond… The mums also chat about awkward school gate friendships, strangers commenting on children’s appearances, and whether you ever truly know when you’re done having babies. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. And this is a podcast. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. And keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all these secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mum club. Because we have to hold our iPads now. We're going to have to do a like a joint high five. Oh, oh God. Because we're, because we're going to have to hold our iPods now. We're going to have to do it like a joint high five. Oh God, can barely reach. Also, you don't want to show your sweaty pits and I don't want to show my hairy pits. I don't know if mine... No, I don't think you've got sweat patches actually. But that grey marl pattern is a nightmare for sweat patches, isn't it?

I think I should be my drojuring too close to my top. But yes, it is, it's when I get the boob sweat. Yes. The underbellage. Oh, do you know what? Also, this colour was absolutely horrific when I was breastfeeding. Oh, for the leaks. When you got them leaky boobies, just been walking around with.

just two patches. Yeah. Two little patches. Yeah. Yes. Oh, there you go. All right. In case you're a new mum, don't bother colour if you're breastfeeding, because it will show everything. Or do. Just wear it proud. Or do, yeah. Wear the, where the leaky boobies proud, honies. I'm scared to ask how you're weaks him. Fucked. Are you okay? No. It's just been a fucking lot. Chrissy's been sick. Yeah. Like, so sick. I think there's something going around. I know people always say that, but I think there is. I don't even know what day of the week it is today.

Wednesday. Welcome. I am so all over the place. But I took the opportunity as Chris's bed bound to decorate the front of my house. I love, do you know what? I'm like everyone's sick, batten down the hatches. I'm going to do even less than usual. Like, I don't achieve anything.

I left that sick fucker inside and I went out. You fuck that. Fuck am I getting sick. What did you do? Bound him in one room. Stay the fuck there. I'm going out. I done a lot of trips back and forth to be.

in Q to transport nearly 30 bags of shingle in a mini. Painted your front door? I painted my front door. Can you guess the colour? She came in and went I painted my front door

and I went, is it pink? Yes it is. I got myself a pink front door. It's so nice. I've gone pink and gold on my front door because I'm obsessed with my downstairs bathroom

which is pink gold and black. Is your whole, because your kitchen was pink as well? The kitchen's pink. It's everything pink in the house. I'm going to go green in the hallway just to really throw shit off. Yeah.

Go crazy. Yes. What kind of green? Sage. I'm also going to go leopard print in my utility room. I've ordered a leper print. All paper. Yes, I have. I'm really getting into this, this, um, decor. I want to see more interiors on, like, you could be an interior account. I could be an interior account. Maybe that's where I need to go. Yeah. Because I'm trying to wean out

of putting the children on my social media. I won't lie. It's not something I've really spoken about. I will say, I'm not been on my social media. I, I have to, I go on. I have a great patch and then shit just goes south. And I'm like, fuck this. I got a, I got a zone in. You got a lot. You got a, going on to be fair but people are wondering where you've been the people are wondering where i've miss you i've been painting my i've been painting my door i've been de-weeding my drive i've been shingling took rends with me as well i had to load him onto the trolley what's the shingling i had to just getting stuff done like i we will put off jobs i mean my dad came to like poly fill us some holes in our living room i think at the beginning of february yeah he was like sandbo's down and have them painted

by the next time i come back you didn't are they still there yes they are yes they are i look at every day and i think when are we going to do that oh probably never probably probably probably Lovely, never. And he'll come back and be like, have you still? I'll be like, can you do it for me? You just do it for me, dad. But I'm bamboo. You're so good.

I changed my letterbox. I changed my door handle. I know, how do you know. How to do this shit? I even changed the little lock chain on the, on the door as well. To be gold hardware. Yeah. Lovely.

Change my knocker. I took out the old knocker. And you've got, took, took off the little, what is that peepie hole? Eye hole. Yeah, it's my hole, sorry. Spy hole. High hole. Hi hole.

Hi hole. Hey, show us your hole. I got one of them. I took that out, screwed it back in, and then I've got a gold bow knocker. Shout out Ollie Bees for the outdoor front door. Nice. Who knew Oliver Bonas did?

Who knew Oliver Bonus? A fucking legend. They're moving in Southampton. We're going to have the biggest store in the West King. I hope you're going to have some Sponcon because you are probably their biggest customer. I love Olliebee with my whole entire. They've got all of me. Hit us up, Holly.

Locked in. So yeah, changed all the silver accessories on my doors to gold. You're so clever. When I got myself some trees from IKEA. Got some pots. Washed all my stones. You carried all those bags of shingle back as well. 28, to be precise.

With renners. You girls get, I have got big guns. You've got big guns. I've actually been working out. Do you want to see my gun show? Yeah. Do you want to show it?

Yeah. Do you want to see it? Let's compare muscles. Okay. I've been in the gym. One of a little bit for Labby. I've been in the gym, baby. Ready?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Tickets to the gun show. I haven't been going to the gym. I've just been lifting shingle. Who needs the gym when you've got? This is carrying bags a shingle while also Holden Wrenly

Who wanted to be held Did you see my sweatpack? I don't think you've got one I think I've got two Small Are they small? Might be I don't think it smells

I think it's dealing To the sweat patches and the hairy pits Leaning to the hairy pits And the sweat patches I say Stefan will be fuming I've got these out on camera Willie Willie

Willie Yeah he hates it But I'm like It's my buddy So we've had a way of time Me and Renner's We've been in and out of the Garden area

at the hardware store. Lovely. On the trolleys. Yeah, they love that, don't they? So, so fun on the flatbed. He's been up and down on shingle. He's been jousting people with the felt. Because who knew you had to lay felt?

I've been watching so much fucking YouTube. Just me and wrens with a cup of tea sat on the doorstep while I just went through YouTube as to how to get my door knocker off, how to get the letterbox off, how to do the door handle? Can I have a certain door handle to replace the one I have? Because I don't like the one I have. They were at two different levels.

So I then took myself to a UPVC shop to ask a man there for some advice. Very helpful, what a wonderful man, told me what to do when I watched a YouTube video. God, you're so good. Got me drill. How did you know how to use all the tools? I was on site for a very long time. Yeah, I was going to say, you've had a bit of an education. I'm so, you make me feel so useless.

But tell me to write a fucking book or read a book of that fact. Fuck that. No, I can't do it. You should write a book about. I'm like this when I try and read about it. Write a book about your life, I'd read it. I'd have to fucking talk it. I can't, I can't write it.

Yeah, do an audio book. They're all the rage these day. Is there a hard copy coming? No. Can't fucking write. No. So you're in your ears only. So now I've had the time of my life.

We've been to IKEA, got some trees. Lovely. It's looking good. Yeah. And the weather's stunned. I know. But the problem is now is I've done to a certain point. I also missed aside a bit of the side of the house.

So I need to go back and get another bag. But I now want to continue the rest of the drive. But what has happened is also, we, off of the company that laid our driveway, I bought some stones off of them to continue and fill it out so I can make it all flat with because they put weeds all through it, or not weeds, plants. But I said, oh, it's the only chance I can buy some more stones to match the driveway, which they've been delivered and are sat on my driveway. Now I don't want to use them.

I want to shingle like the rest of the. Oh, I know. So I've got a few quotes from people. I asked the company who did the driveway to start with, can I please have a quote? And the guy was like, oh, it's probably best if we rip it all back up and relay it. We can pretty much get them out and keep them all safe without damaging them.

But it would be best to rip them all out, to make it all level and then relay them and we can change the pattern. No. I was like, can you not just plonk them down in between? He was like, no. You did say we could, but I don't know it would look. looks so great. Now I'm just like, I've come this far now. I feel like I just need to 28 bags later. Tune in next week where I do the rest of my drive with fucking shingle.

Me and Renner's on another 28 trips to the shop. It's been wild. But needless to say, the children are alive and kick in. They've been to school. No one is sick. We're three days in. So no one's caught it? No. Oh my God. Literally crossing everything. Yeah. You know my mom and dad were meant to come down. And that was two weeks ago. They were sick. And they said they couldn't come. And they've only just started getting over it.

So I think there's some like really bad virus going around. I know. They're not coming now until May. Oh no. I know. You better get dad a list. Well, I'm. Steve.

When they were coming up in April, I was like, honestly, there's no jobs this time. Like, you can just go off and have a good time. Now four weeks is past. I'm like, the list has built. This racking up. So what. If you will delay for four weeks, then jobs are going to pop up. Your dad's got sand that, um.

Your dad's got a sand that, you've got sand those holes before he comes. Yeah, I'm like, bring your dust sheets, bring your sander, bring your paintbrush. Bring you're all in one overall. And when that's all done, you can have a day out. I'll put on the Barbie. Yeah. I got to fire up the pizza oven. Oh, yes.

We bought a pizza oven off the previous owners. Oh, it's already in the house. It's there. Well, it's not in the house. No, yeah, but yes. But haven't discovered whether it works or anything. Bruce's laughed. It's not in the house.

Well, I meant that. Idiot. I meant to take him with that. Yeah. We didn't come with the house. We had to buy it. We had to pay for. Oh, for fuck sake.

Just say yes, woman. They charge us for everything. They were like, we're going to be leaving this, this, this and this and this. Do you want to pay for it? I was just like, yeah. Okay, so what have you said no? They would have taken it with them. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Is it a stone one? It's, no, it's like metal. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's easily movable. Yeah, yeah.

It's like a portable. It's like a desktop one almost, I want to say. With a little funnel? Yeah. No. Yeah. But it's been out in the rain all winter. think it might be broken. I don't know. We're going to find out. I would have just take that

shit with you, honey. Look and see. But we've been having dinner outside this week because we, the weather's been really nice and we finally built our outdoor patio furniture. Because I said Stefan, don't put it up too soon because it will get rained on. But we've just finally bit the bullet and put it up. And it's been so nice to sit outside. So lash, isn't it? Yeah. It's so nice. And I just sit there. I'm like, I can't believe we live here. It's now. Do you know what I keep doing that? Do you? I think, because at the moment, the front of the house looks so beautiful. Do you want to know what's even more ironic is Chris doesn't know what I've done because he hasn't even been out of bed.

Can you imagine? He's going to be like, what the fuck is happened out the front of? So he could hear what you were doing but didn't know the vision. He didn't know what was going on. Probably hasn't fucking heard anything. I haven't even cracked a window. Well, I have cracked a window. Is he just been literally in quarantine?

Yeah. Yeah. God. Bless his little. But he's got no idea. Can you imagine. But every time I keep driving away from the house, it's bringing me so, so much satisfaction. And like today, when I was pulling off of the drive, I was like, oh, I'm not going to see you for a few hours.

My little ray of sunshine door. Oh, I think of Chris. Oh, no, not him. Don't fucking shit yourself up there, you're dirty bells. No, you're just missing the front door. Oh. I don't know how angry he's going to be that I've done something else pink. Yeah, I know.

Do you know what? I feel like at this point, he's just like, do you know what? It's just the fact that Wren goes, oh, ink door. Ink door. Does he like it? Yeah, he loves the door. Although he keeps calling it a cake and going to lick the door. And I'm like, no, he's really into French fancies at the moment.

Oh, because he thinks it's icing. And he only likes the pink one. Yeah. So tell him he's these. I'm a bit worried that Sadie's only asking for pink things. And I'm like, I don't know where this has come from. Like, she's a little girl that just loves pink. I don't know how it's happened.

Maybe we were separated a bird. But it's becoming a problem because she wants, like, I was putting her blue shoes on her the other day and she was like, pink ones. Oh. I was like, these are your only shoes. She's like pink ones. I'll get her some pink. I'm going to get her some of them pink heels.

You know, that clip clop. Yeah. I might get her pink crox. From Smith's toy store. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'll get a pink crox this summer. But the thing is if you show her something pink, that's the only thing she wants to wear.

So it's a bit of a problem. Try and get her some trousers. Pink ones. Do you and get her a jumper? Pink ones. Yeah. Try and her a bib. Pink one.

Ink. She's obsessed. Yeah. I don't know what this, like, I don't know. She's very stereotypical. She had to go to nursery in her shiny. She calls them her Elsa shoes. They're like glittery ones for lemonade.

like glittery little party shoes. And yesterday she was like, Elsa ones. And I was like, all right, we've got to leave now. So it is what it is. So they had her stomping around at nursery. Your car, don't fucking kill you later. No. When I picked her up, they said, we went for a walk today.

I said, she was right walking in these party shoes. And they were like, yeah, she was fine. And she came out of nursery with a frozen cap on. I mean, that's not your hat. They went, isn't it? She's been wearing it all day. I was like, that's not hers. But obviously she wouldn't let it go.

Let it go. So they were like, keep it till tomorrow and just bring it back. I was like some poor other child. Some child's gone home with sunstroke because they haven't got their cat. Yeah, she was wearing it backwards, would not take it off. What a girl. She's just obsessed with like frozen pink girly things. What a girl.

I know. What a girl. She loved me front door. She would love it, honestly. Do you want me to come and do yours? Yeah. I mean, I've sent offers to do my sisters. Because I was like, listen, I don't know how much longer Chris is going to be sick for.

Do you want me to just come and do yours. I've got some paint left over. My sister was like, yeah, all right then. I'm trying to fob her off with my driveway stones. I got some lovely, I've got some paving. I don't really want it anymore. Do you want it? She was like, um, yes.

I was like, well, I'm not offering to lay it, but if you want it, it's yours. But yeah, I just said, do you want me to come and paint your door? You're running your own hardware store at this point. I am. I just should offer out the services to community. Also, all the houses look very, very similar in where we live, in our road. and now Arsha sticks out. Yeah, but I feel like that's very you.

Yes. You know, you want to be the one that everyone's like, oh, wow. She's got our shit together when in fact you go inside and it looks like we've been robbed. Yeah, but it's all about, it's like with Sterea Lane. It's all about what it looks like on the front, you know, white picket fence. Do you know what? There's something, when we had the bungalow, I used to come home to the bungalow. It was a south-facing garden.

So it never got any sunlight at the front of the house until right at the end of the day or very early hours in the morning that's the only time it got a bit of sunlight so it was always very gloomy, very damp, very dewy and I used to drive home and it just used to look really sad and I used to say to Chris there's nothing more like

upsetting for me when you drive home and you look at the house and you just think oh god that's a really sad really sad house I used to walk in and he's like now when I drive up to the house the amount of times I've fucking driven up to it in the last three days I'm just literally like ha

I've got to go home and fit me outside light tonight. I bought myself a little lantern, so I'm going to fit me outside light tonight. No rest for the wicked. No rest for the wicked. I'm excited about changing the outside light. It's just going to be a dream, honestly. But that's where I've been. What about the fucking...

Well, what about the fucking... Where did fucking... What about your fucking kids? I'm not fucking you. Who's fucking... What? That was so weird. Who's fucking...

Who's fucking a night? Oh, fucking the night. Oh, fucking the night. Oh, the chicken hit Oh, that takes me back I'm not fucking in the nose I'm not fucking at any point Who fucking at night

Not us ever Oh the single lady's what Now put your hands up I don't know where the fucking came from Also I don't know if my Botox has gone wrong I was just gonna say it's looking really good This bit is really sore Tight

I've got to go back tomorrow for my top up Oh I don't know if you should have any more here This bit is so sore and so tight tight. Does she put those in there that time last time? Well, she's going to have to. The forehead's looking.

Is it moving? No. It's looking really fresh. It feels like it's really moving. No, it looks good. Is that moving? Not at all. No.

Why in your brains, it feel like they're going really high? No. You're getting a little bit. I feel like I look really surprised. No. Put them down? No, nothing.

You're getting a tiny bit of eyebrow movement, but nothing on the forehead. Oh, I can feel my ear is moving. It's going up a little bit. And my ears moving? Wiggling, no. I can't feel anything in my face. Fuck. Am I okay?

You alive? Botox in the chin. No, it looks really good. Does it? Yeah, it does. It's really come on. It's really settled from last week. That's very kind of you to say that.

It's making me jealous. I want mine. We have school admissions this week, didn't we? Yes. I know yours is stressful, but ours was good news. This is another layer in the cake. Sorry to stress you out. We got her school place.

Dossie got hers, but you basically you don't necessarily want it. It's not necessarily. I don't want it. And you can't find a place anywhere else? So we've applied for three schools that are primaries that we've put one, two and three down. So basically it's not as easy as when I did it with Colby because we went through two different councils. So the first school that he went to and then when we moved him schools when he's moved, we went through two different councils because they were two different jurisdictions.

So this time we're saying council, but we are one of an infant junior splier. but now the ones we're looking at are primaries. And let me tell you, to try and go from an infant junior split to a primary. It's a fucking waiting list. Because all those children are just already there. They're already there. They're just moving up the rankings.

Yeah, they're going from year two to three. So we're fucked, basically. So she's potentially got to start school at Colby's school and wait for a place. Yeah, and then go maybe year three to four. Yeah. Well, that was good news. I'm really, no.

Generally, though, I am. No, I am so happy. But it turns out I didn't really need to be worried because everyone was like, I tried to make it like a topic of conversation in the playground. Like, see who didn't get a place. I was like, oh my God, how did it go for everyone? Yeah, are we in? Yeah, we're going to be buddies next year.

And literally everyone was like, yeah, no, we didn't. We never thought we wouldn't get in. Like, it was just like a given because the class sizes are small. So they were like, oh, yeah, there was always going to be enough space here. Like, it's not even a thing. And I was like, are you joking? I've been like so unnecessarily. I've lost sleep over this.

I've lost sleep over this. because the council emailed me and said, don't just put one preference, put your three preferences down in case we can't give you. And you were the only one allocated to do that. And I did do that. And my friend was like, that's an automated email.

Just ignore it. I was like, oh, fuck. I'm so honest. I was like, okay. And then I put my three options down. So the fact that I'd had to do that, I was like reading into it so much. I was like, they've asked me to do that

because there wasn't enough space at my first choice. He's not going to get in. And then when he got it, I was like, oh, amazing. Like, how did everyone else get on? And they were all just like, yeah, there's literally like 20 people in his class they were never not all going to move up together I was like okay good chat okey dokey good chat all right well good talk honies see you're

lunchtime see you pick up so awkward isn't it it's so awkward you always find this goodbye at school because I talk to my friend mish at school and she's basically the only mom that I talked to up the school I speak to a couple of the others but where I stand in the morning that I'm always next to meh and I never know how to say goodbye yeah see you in a few hours do you know what I think everyone must think I'm really rude because I've normally got Sadie in the car and I sleeper in the car. I do shoot. In eyesight she can see her. Yeah, in eye shot and I lock the car and we also live in a very safe area and also who's

going to want her? So I dash straight off to get back in the car to get Sadie but everyone else, a lot of other people stand around and have a chat and I can never be involved in there. You don't want to get her out of the car? It's Ren's favorite thing at the moment to do the school drop-offs. A, because we're normally late so I'm like, come on Joseph, literally dragging him out the car with like one shoe on and like, I'm that mum. I'm like, get you back, back on quick.

And then, so I don't really have time. And then even if we are a little bit early, which is rare, I... Sit in the car and wait until it's the bell goes. Sit in the car and then I drag him over and then I pop straight back. It's like, it's like 30 seconds, yeah. I can't be bothered to get Sadie out of the carsey and then back in. And once she's out, she'll be like, I'm out for the day and then she won't go back in. So it's actually more hassle than it's worth.

But I do notice the other moms with the younger siblings do take them with them all the time. It's Ren's favorite thing to do. And he, like, says goodbye to them now and he gives them a hug and kiss. And he stands. and he waves he goes, bye Pobes, by Pobes, and then we're going to Dotties. And then because we have to walk past Colby's to come back, he will say, oh, bye, by, by dot, by dot. And then he comes down to Colby's and he goes, you smell that? Colby, or Polby, as he says.

And I'm like, and we're both just stand at the gate going, sniffing. He sniffs the school gay. And he's like, Pauby, you smell that? And I'm like, right, let's keep going before we look nuts. And then when he gets back in the car, he's like, bye. I'm pop, I dot. See, I did do it this week, but it's more hassle than it's worth because she, it's very sweet. It's only a little distance.

And it's normal, until now, to be honest, it's been raining. But when the weather's nice, I'm like, oh, let's bring Sadie onto the playground. And then she cries when he goes in because she wants to go with him. So, to be honest. It's more hassle than worse. Yeah. Leave frozen playing. And just run and say, see in a couple of hours, honies.

Yeah. See in a couple of hours. Yeah. So I'm never involved in the chat. So it's hard to like form those, you know, friendships and those relationships and those relationships. And then I notice other people, like, some people like have their little cliques where they always talk to the same person. I think that's with every single school. It's hard, isn't it? And then you're like, how do I infiltrate that? But I don't. I just stand back. Yeah. I don't

talk to anybody at Dotties. No. No. It's hard, isn't it? I don't know. It's hard because as well, where they, we didn't go to the same preschool in the area. So they didn't even come up to school with their preschool friends. Like, I feel like relationships have been established for a really long time. Yeah, same. And rather than try and build a friendship that's already established, I just think, I'll just stand there. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, I was the same. Some of them have been, they've been at nursery together. That's what I mean.

So their kids have known each other for like three years. Yes. And I'm like, hello. Hello. Hello. Youhoo. Ho-hoo. Big summer bloat. No, I'd just rather stand back. Yeah. Also, I can't be getting caught up. I've got things to be doing. I've got stone to be laying on my driveway. Yeah. I haven't got half an hour to sit and chat here.

There's some school bums, though. But at the time I walk from Colby's, They start talking when juniors go in. I walk up to Dotties, come back with Brenners, who does take some time. And they're still talking. Yeah. I always think, if I come back at the end of the day, they're still going to be there. When you come back at three, they've been there for six hours. It's their little time.

Oh, anything else this week? Good news. Oh, did you see my video on Instagram of the scooter going in the lake? No. I haven't been on my socials, have I, because I've been doing the garden. We hadn't absolutely failed. Oh, shit. My croscooter was so kind to send.

us a couple of scooters for the kids, which they were absolutely, absolutely buzzing about it. How did you get this? They just said, do you want a couple of scooters? And I was like, do you know what? Now that we live where we live and we're not on like busy roads and stuff, like we were in London, I really want to get them on their scooters and their bikes. So I was like, that would be lovely. And it was really sweet. The package was there for them when they came home from nursery a couple of weeks ago. And they got, they sent like little helmets and everything. And they were genuinely so excited to have it. Like Sadie won't take a helmet off. Wait, hold on a minute then. So you got brand new scooters and you've already lost it in LA?

Oh, we got it back. I say we. Stefan got it back. Did he get in the lake? But we went out on Saturday morning and we were like, let's go to the seaside and there'll be like a lovely like stretch, like straight stretch of tarmac there that we can get them to finally like ride their scooters and get them used to it. And Sandy loves wearing a helmet anyway. So she just wears it everywhere in the car and the buggy or whatever, which is actually like very safe. I'm like this actually good because if you fall over, you're protected.

But we just, it was just like one of those mornings where you're like, well, I'm glad we bothered coming out. Like it started raining when we got there. No one wanted to go on a scooter. No one wanted to walk. Saly was moaning. Joseph was moaning about being hungry and tired. And all he wants to do is sit down and have a snack. And there's like a whole skate park there that they could be using.

And I'm using the scooters up and down the fucking half pipe going, look at this is so cool. And they're like, I want a snack. My feet are tired. Can I go in the buggy? You know those days that you just think? What the fuck? Why did we bother coming out? Yeah.

Why do we ever leave the house? And then that was all kicking off And someone was moaning and asking for needing a piss or something And then we took our eye off the ball And the scooters just rolled away into a duck pond But you know what? I was like, as much of a nightmare as that is It could have been Sadie in the buggy.

Who designs a park where it rolls downhill into the fucking pond? She was there in the buggy Yeah And Stefan faced the scooter facing down the hill by accident So as he turned to deal with whatever Joseph was asking for he was like, oh no, and the scooter plopped into the lake. And I was like, well, that is bad, but it could have fucking been, if Sadie was positioned another way, we could have been losing a whole baby and a buggy.

You obviously would have put a brake on if you're on a hill. On the pram? No. Because, you know, sometimes you're just trying to deal with so much. Like, the brake wasn't on the buggy, but luckily for her, she wasn't facing the way that she could have rolled down the hill. Right. But I just think it's hard when you've got so much going on.

I'm so confused. You're digging in the backpack for a snack and someone's like needs a wee and someone, you know, it's just like, oh, it's just too much. So much. And then before you know it, you take your eye off the ball and the baby's rolled into a pond in the buggy. She didn't. It wasn't her, luckily. It was the scooter.

But a few people did reply and say, where's the child? I said, luckily, they weren't on it. Not on the scooter. When it rolled into the lake. Wow. Stefan just had a very wet arm for the rest of the day. Oh, he didn't actually get full deep in. No, he just, he was able, it was quite shallow.

Okay. So he was able to reach it with his arm. Come back here. But yeah, that was our attempt at like a nice day out. I'm like, how do you get your kids to? into like want, because I was like, I would have loved this when I was younger. I would have been like, yes, riding my scoge for a long

the city front of how lovely. They're not up for it. Mine are quite outsy though. But you've got to remember though, Joseph's come on such a big journey as to even want to go in the golden. I know. And they're only four and two. Yeah.

But I'm like, I want kids that are going to want to be outdoors. They're going to ride their bikes. Sometimes I think if it's sometimes when my, obviously, because I can always go back to when Colby and Dottie were little, I had to do like one thing. So if we were going for a picnic, I had to just go for a picnic. If we were going to the park,

I would just have to go to the park. It took me a long time to be able to do scooters to the park, play in the park, stop for a picnic, scooter back to the car. Took me a really long time to get to that because it was just too many things. Too many things. Yeah.

Yeah, too many things. I just don't think you can force it. But also if we don't force it, will they ever be able to ride a bike? You just got to keep the scooters in the car. Yeah. And do little trips. So like if he can scoot on his way to school

or if he can scoot to a local shop and you've left the front door and he scoots to the shop and then scoot back like little, little bits and then build him up. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm very impatient and he's someone, like he won't want to do something unless he's going to be good at. He just knows his mind. He knows what he's doing. Like he'll have like one little scoot and they'll maybe like

they keep putting their weight too far forward so then they fall over the scooter and then he goes, I don't want to do it anymore. I'm like, well that was a good 30 seconds. Oh, you can. There was ones that when Colby was little, he had a seat on his little scooter.

Yeah, Sadie did, they did send her the one with a little seat on it, but I actually think she's already too big for that. She actually does better standing up. Okay. I think the seat was holding her back a bit. But yeah, I just, it's hard, isn't it? Because you want them to be able to do stuff. Have you used them in the house?

Yeah. Yeah. They scoot them around the house, but there's not really enough space. I want them to like, you know, just to get a bit better at it. But I think you just need to persevere with it. But my sister was like, I think some kids are just into that stuff and some kids aren't. Renly goes one hand, one foot on his scooter around the corner. You see kids that are so tiny and they're so good at it.

Renly is, yeah, no fuck's given. No fear. Is adrenaline junkie. Yeah. Whereas Dottie, she wouldn't, I had to give up on the scooter with Dart. Did she ride a bike now? She rides a bike now, but she doesn't, it took her a really, like, Colby and Renner's a rapid, like, Colby, I used to be, I used to close my eyes sometimes when he used to go down

the hill because I used to be like, he used to go past, like, builders on the road. And they'd be like, how the fuck's he doing it? I just close your eyes and pray for the best. Yeah. Never came off. Colby never did. And Renner's is just as speedy. Dots just wasn't interested in a scooter or a bike. I think some kids just aren't bonnet.

She liked a little pram. Colby used to take a scooter and then Dots used to have a little stroller. Yeah. Yeah. I think that would say you do to be fair. But yeah, epic fail that was. Wow. Yeah.

You've had it nearly as a while to week of me. It's been really action packed. And then we went down to the venue where we got married, which was really nice to be able to do. So we took the kids down to where we had our wedding pictures taken on. Please tell me did some pictures. Yeah, we did. We tried to recreate them. But, you know, it's hard.

they don't really comply. I was like trying to give them direction. I was like, you just stand there a bit further apart and hold daddy's hand. But yeah, it was sweet. It was nice to be able to do it. It's nice for you had to go to places now

where we used to go and be like, oh my God, this was like, where here we are, 10 years later with our whole little family. I keep having those moments where I'm like in places where I always used to be or like the other day I was somewhere where I used to work. But I was there with Sadie and I was like, this is so weird and like full circle.

Like I was here when I was like 19 doing my first job. and now I'm here with my whole little family. It's nuts. But it's nice to be able to do those things. So lush. So yeah, we've had a good week. Oh, go you rock star. Thanks.

Sounds bloody wonderful. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret MumPod or you can email us hello at secretummpod.com. Are you ready?

Are you ready? It's time for that. Correspondent... What? Correspondence, Connor! So, Emma, let's hear it, please. Okay, this one says, hey there, Sofer, Em. Hello.

I'm a long-time listener, and I heard you guys talking about Danielle and her story about her husband's diagnosis of his brain tumor and her children. I hesitated to write in, but I thought since I've been in the daughter's shoes, maybe my perspective would be worth it. I was 19 when my dad was diagnosed with his brain tumor,

so I know I was a few years older than her eldest when they got their news. My dad went to get his eyes tested and they saw his optic nerves were swollen and immediately sent him to an emergency to get a CT scan where he found out about his brain tumour. So very much unexpected like this family and like Danielle's, it turned our lives upside down. I know it would be different for the little ones and they should be more shielded as to the details, but for myself at the time, because finding out about my dad was so unexpected and blindsided, it really did help me to know the details. Knowing the treatment plan and knowing what was coming next or what the plan was did help with my anxiety about.

it. I found it scarier going to bed not knowing what was going on because my mind would race with possibilities. When I knew my dad was going for treatment or a scan, I felt more prepared and also in a way more able to help support my mum and dad because I knew what was happening and it gave me a focus to help where I could. Again, I know I was a bit older than Danielle's 16 year old, but there's lots of 16 year olds that are much more mature than others. I also want to say that my dad's treatment was successful. At one point, doctors gave him less than 5% survival rate and he lived and thrived for many years after. Return to work, walked daily with our dogs, celebrated many more birthdays and had a happy life after. Sending this family hugs, Kate. Oh, Kate. That is so lovely,

isn't it? Yeah, so nice to hear from some of the... It's so terrifying because your life is just turned upside down within an instinct. You've gone through a routine eye appointment and suddenly you've got a brain tumor. And you know, anything can happen. Like, that's what's so scary about that kind of thing, isn't it? Like, it can just be so sudden and, like, the power is just taken out of your hands. I think I'd be like, hey, I'd want to know the details, I think. And that helps you to know, like she says, to support your mum and dad where you can. Because I think you feel so powerless and so out of control. Like, you've got no control over the situation. But at least if you can know, the little things and, you know, the scan appointment details and stuff like that, I think

it would really help me. I think even when I was 16, it would have really helped me to know that. I would have, I think it would have made me feel more, yeah, just ready for what was going to happen. I know, obviously I've never experienced anything like this. So I always think that you're prepared together. So you're all going through it together. Yeah. So like that's the whole process of being able to talk to her dad. And also I'd always feel like if you all talk about it,

it's easier to sit down and talk about something that's so serious and so important, rather than having to wait to like the children go up to bed. Yeah. And, you know, feeling, I can imagine like if you're having a moment where you just want to let it out and cry and talk how restrictive it is if you don't want to allow the child. Yeah, yeah. It is hard. It is hard.

And it is personal preference as to what everybody wants to do and what they want to expose their child to. But I, 16 is, what I would have said at 16, I think I would like to know. Yeah. But would maybe 10 year old me want to know? Probably not. Yeah. Yeah, I think 16 and a girl at 16.

And again, you have to make the judgment of your child, don't you? Yeah. As to how you think they're going. Yeah. Yeah. There's no right or wrong, but I think... So lovely to hear that your dad's doing well as well, Kate. Yeah, that's lovely. Thank you, Kate. Yeah, thank you so much, sending you all of our love. But yeah, I do love that, don't you?

Yeah. It's nice to hear from someone that's been throwing. Obviously, we can't speak on that. Yes, most definitely. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. Right, are you ready?

What with my wild week? You would think, Safina, gosh, you've got some secrets to be sharing. I do. Yeah. You would be right. I do. This one isn't a great one, but this one has absolutely bamboozled me. So we've spent a lot of time in a lot of shops, me and runners,

from getting stuff to decorate the front of the house. And what I would think, obviously, because not that I don't go out, much on my own. Because Chris is home quite a lot of the time and only has the odd days where he goes to work, I tend to do things when Chris is home, like the three of us, or I go out on my own and and Renly stays home with Chris. But it's not, it's very few and far between and it's just me and Wren, because it'll either be me and all three of the children, or Chris and all three. Or just you. Yeah, or just me on my own. Yeah. If I just pop out if all the babies are home. So this week, it's just been a lot of me and Ren because Chris has been, Chris has been unwell.

But there has been some wild-ass comments made to me. If you heard Tuesday's episode, you would have known there was a wild one that happened. But this one absolutely blown my mind. Right. So me and Ren just popping around the shop, just doing our beer, getting our staff, chatting away to each other. And bloody, blah, blah, obviously there was one lady that mentioned that I didn't, why am I talking to my child? He doesn't understand what I'm saying. And I look like an idiot.

Crazy. But there was one where I don't know at what point it became socially. acceptable to say something about a child's appearance. A lady, no word of a lie, literally said, we were just in the queue, she literally just turned around and said, I don't know if I can get on board or I don't know when it became okay for girls to wear boys' clothes. Was she talking about you or Renley? I think she was like, hello, how are you? Happy Monday, you know, how's things going? There was no context. And I was like, oh, I was like, oh, I quite like, what was he wearing?

He was just wearing some little blue striped pants and a little, like a slogan, I thought he looked sick as fuck. He looked well cool. And I was just like, bear in mind, when we entered the store, there was these two men and they were just chatting away to me. Sorry, not chatting away to me, chatting away to each other. And then the guy turned around and went, oh, my God, he looks just like how my son dresses. He was like, I love clothes like at this age, like my son.

three and a half. He looks really, really cool. And I was like, you know, you're like, oh, thank you. I love how he's dressed today as well. So I was kind of like already buzzed off of that. And then, yeah, in the queue, this lady sort of turned around and said this. And I was like, well, I quite like, um, multi-gender clothes. Like, boys can wear pink too. And she was kind of like, mm, mm. And I was like, okay, thanks, Karen. I don't really know what's happening here. And I was like, we, again, kill him. We're kind of just like smile away, like da-da-da. And then she was like, oh, You could have dressed her a little bit better. And then the switch went in my head.

I was like, oh, I was like, oh, sorry, he's a boy. It's not a girl. And she went, oh, you need to sort his hair out. I beg your fuck. Can you imagine? I just turned around to her and said, you really need to sort your air out. Yeah.

When did it become okay that we can make comments about children? And I was just like, oh, well, I quite like his hair. And she was like, looks awful. Like, you need to sort that out. Cut her off. No boy should have hair. like that. It's not even that long. And also, even if it was, like, what the hell? What the hell makes people think they can come to you and make a comment about what your child looks like?

Oh, there's been comments, not obviously not this week, but comments made before like, oh, he's a bruiser, he's looking a little bit chubby, he loves his milk, done he? Why are you calling my baby fat? Like, am I being, maybe I'm a bit, maybe, it's just a sensitive week. Maybe I'm being really sensitive this week. No, you are not being sensitive. And I can't believe this was in the same week. that you had the interaction with the woman saying, why are you bothering going around the shop, talking to your baby? He doesn't understand anything you're saying.

Insane. I look stupid. She called me stupid. You look stupid. And then in the same week for someone to come up to you and say, you need to sort your child's hair out, basically looks like a girl.

I don't know what I just, maybe I just looked really happy. Me and Renner's were having the time of our lives. When I tell you, I just don't know the sun was out. I was feeling myself. I was just like, yeah, we are getting shit done. You're like, the security guard,

loves my kids clothes. It was a security guard. It was the shopper in the shop, him his friend. I was honestly having the time of my life. We were giving bad bitch energy, me and runners. He was fist pumping me and everything. Honestly, we've drank a lot of tea, done a lot of DIY this week. But it was just the fact that she just turned around in this queue and just said it.

And I was just like, oh, well, I quite like his hair. And then I went on stupidly to say, oh, well, my oldest son had hair down his back, like ring-lipped blonde curls. Yeah, used to get that with Colby and you. And she just literally was like, she probably thought, what kind of mother? You. So then as she paid and left the thing, the lady was like, oh, are you okay? Like, that lady said some horrible things. I was just like, I just don't know where. Like, there's a state of me, a state of me, there's a point of me that thinks to some, some level, we are, I always respect my elders. I've always been taught to respect your elders. Was it an older lady then?

Yeah, she was an older lady. And there has to be, I always think in my mind, there has to be some level of, you know, They've been there. They've done it. They've lived their life. So we should be giving respect to them. You know, I help where I can. If there's somebody that's struggling that's an elderly person specifically, but, you know, I'll help anybody. I'll do anything for anyone. But if there is an elderly person, I'll just make sure that they're okay because you don't know if they're living on their own. You don't know their life, whatever, you know? And I feel like since COVID, the dynamic changed massively. There's, there doesn't seem to be much people's skills and what with self-checkouts and stuff. So it's always, there's something that was always on my mind And it was just so barbaric And I was just literally like And I just, I hope you have a really lovely day

Do you wish you'd gone in stronger? Because I always feel like after those interactions You're so like shell-shocked and like taken aback by it You're a bit like you don't really know what to say And then I feel like after the moment I always wish I could, I wish I could have been like Sorry, who the fuck are you to tell me about my child? I was just like

Because obviously it didn't twighing my head till when she's said that you should put her in. And I was like, oh, okay. She thinks he's a girl. And then I just thought, oh, we'll regain this back to when she goes, oh, right, gosh. Well, most people are like, oh, gosh, hasn't he got like pretty curly hair or say, hasn't she got lovely hair? So you guys can't not that I'm saying, you know, everyone says that about my child, but you get the, the odd ones that are making conversation with you. But that's when I thought, oh, it's going to come back from here.

No. It didn't come back. Oh, you need to sort his air out. Oh. I just can't believe some of the interactions you get are just absolutely mental. I don't know whether I've got that face because even my sister will say, if I go out with my sister and like things happen, she's like, how the fuck does this shit happen to you? It doesn't happen to Roxanne. No.

You must have a face where people are like, I feel like I can start a conversation with this woman. Oh, you don't want to be really happy or I'm going to punch her in her face. Yeah. I think it's more punch. But you know, I'll take it. But I just have, I don't know whether I have a face where people just feel at ease to be able to say what they want. I don't know. I mean, in a way, it's a compliment. They're like, I feel like she's open, I can say what I want to her.

She's got an open, warm face, whereas people see me and they go, no, don't say anything. Maybe that's what Roxanne says. Roxanne says, I've got a resting bit, she's got a rest in bitch face, toward people off. But when I go out, even if I go out with Eden, she's like, Auntie, I don't know, this literally never happens to mum. I don't know how this is happening to you. She was an older lady, so I don't know, you know, she wouldn't have known you from, I mean, maybe she's big on TikTok. No, or she might be big on, I've never seen her on TikTok. No, she made me in the social media.

I don't know. But she probably wouldn't have known you from social media. She would have just, it's just wild, isn't it? It was a wild one. And two in one week as well. And two that were horrible. But it was the fact that I'd had a really lovely interaction from the two men. Yeah.

And then had. Brought you right back down to her. It really humbled me right at the very end. Yeah. Really humbled me. Just a girl out there trying to make her door look pretty. Yeah. You know?

And dress her son in cool clothes. I just bought him lots of stuff from next girls. I contemplated. Should I just take that back? And I thought, no, fuck that! Yes. I bought him a nice pink top. Oh, did you?

Yeah, I did. I think at their age, there's no... Boys can wear pink. Just mix and match. What baffles me is like when I do like stories and I say, I'd rather have George over pepper and people go, boys can wear pink. And I get that, but we have most of the pepper stuff. I mean, the boy wears pepper pig pajamas with a tutu on them because he picked them and he

loves them. I'm not deterring him from having them. He can have them. But I would just like the George ones. as well. Yeah. So he has the set. We have got pink wellies,

but I would like George, blue wellies as well, you know? Yeah, yeah. I will put him in anything. Yeah. He wears wings. Yeah.

He wears lots of lipstick because Dotty just takes him in lip gloss. Yeah, he's got an older sister. He had concealer on his face the other day. You know, he's living his best life while in the garden, wearing a tutu and his pajamas while playing football.

When Sadie wore those Elsa shoes to nursery the other day, Joseph went, I want a pair of shoes like that, but in a bigger size. And I was like, you can have a pair of shoes like that if you want. I'm not the parent to stop them. You know, I just think a happy child is a happy mom. Yeah, let them live.

Because there'll be a day when they go, any chance you could just get me that new tech fleece track suit from JD. And my nipples turn. And I go, oh, yeah, I'd love to get you that tech fleece track suit from JD Sports. You know, there was a time he was wearing wings and a tutu. Yeah. And I would give anything to go back. Yeah.

But you know, you just got to do what you got to do, mummas. Fuck the haters. So that's my secret. That's my secret. And we'll get into some of yours after this short break. Sorry, totally forgot my line. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing to Emma taking away her night.

All right. This one says, Dear Sofen Emma, I love listening to your pod. Thank you. I just wondered if you had any advice about having another baby. We are so lucky to have two. Why did you look at me like that? Because when people ask that, we're always like, yes. Do we.

So we're so lucky to have two beautiful children already who are four and two. After having my second, she was quite poorly and I really suffered with PTSD. So much so that one day I had to leave Tesco with a panic attack after hearing the beeps and it reminding me of the high dependency ward. Anyway, I'd always thought I didn't want any more children because of that. But the last month, I felt so incredibly broody more than I ever have been. I've sold a lot of our baby items, so I really thought I'd closed that door. But the feeling of wanting another baby is just overwhelming.

I'm thinking about it all day, every day. I was so lucky to have relatively easy pregnancies and births. I just can't get it out of my head. Have I ever of you ever felt like this? I feel like we wouldn't have a baby now, but maybe in a year if I still had this feeling. I spoke to my partner about it last night and he said maybe he doesn't want another one anymore, but he's so changeable. So who knows with him, as he did say in a conversation with our friends, that maybe in the future we would have another one. I'm so confused. We have three bedrooms, so two would need to share. It felt like a struggle with two a while back, but in the holidays, I enjoyed being with them both a lot. I do struggle with needing. time by myself sometimes though any advice would be great love from anonymous oh that's a lovely one isn't it i mean i don't think anyone else can decide it for you i think you just have to see how you're

feeling you got to scratch the itch i mean needing time to yourself that's normal though i think that's children or no children it is normal but you're going to get less of that with another baby another baby yes i will say there will obviously you'll be more spread yes at least for like the first you know very intense like baby part of it. They do start to need you a bit less. I think it's because as well, I think both after Colby and after Dottie, I felt like I wanted another baby because I, when they get two, like now we're sat with Rends and Sadie and they are,

they're learning fast, they're learning quick. They are walking places. They're eating on their own. They're playing. They're pretty independent. I know that may sound extreme, but they're pretty independent. They can do a lot of stuff now.

Yeah. And there's not really that much. that we can do, apart from sit down and play with them. But they're quite independent now. And I think that itch does come around this age because it doesn't really... You suddenly maybe have a bit more of like, yeah. You don't have your baby more. And they tend to go to nursery or, you know, things...

Yeah, and it's like letting go as well. Like when they start to grow up or they do go to nursery or whatever they might be doing, you suddenly think, they're not a baby anymore. I miss that bit. I want to fill that gap. But I think saying that you would like maybe wait a year is obviously sensible because, because I have had this overwhelming feeling before of like all I can think about is I want another baby.

You had it quite, well, I'd say quite soon after. Yeah. For quite a while. For quite a while. And like when we moved house, I was like, well, we've got a bigger house now. All I could think about was like, we should have another baby. Like, I'm not working anymore. I've got way more free time to dedicate to the baby.

I feel like it'd be a really nice age gap. I feel like the kids would love to have a baby brother or sister. They talk about it. And I was like, on about it to Stefan all the time. And now I just, I just. just don't, you know, I think your hormones can influence those kind of feelings quite a lot. So I think like I would never make like a rash decision because in one month where I'm thinking, oh my God, I really want another baby. The next month I might be totally like now I'm on a real run

of I don't want another baby. I'm very happy with my lot, with what I've got. I don't think I could go back to because they suddenly like both start sleeping through the night and I'm like, oh, I don't want to go back to that newborn phase. So I'm a good few months clear now of wanting to have another baby. But I think, yeah, just give it time to like ruminate. Yes. Because you don't want to, not that you would ever regret it, but I think you just don't want to rush into anything. Yeah. It's a lot. It is a lot. And I think you just give yourself time. And obviously your partner's not, not saying never, but for right now. And I think that is, sometimes it's changing your focus. If there's like a hobby you could do to maybe distract your

mind or something like that or, you know, take up crystal art or crochet or painting pottery or something find a hobby to do that maybe distracts your mind to then revisit the idea in a year's time yeah but it is a hard one do I feel like I could say never like never any more babies no because I feel like my heart is full to have more yeah would it be practical for me to have another one no that's the thing as well when when my I think like my heart is like oh my god how lovely to have another baby it helps to listen to my head going what you want about it would be so much more expensive like practically you'd have to get a new car like The logistics of things would be harder.

You think it's overwhelming now going out with two kids. Imagine trying to get out with three kids or two kids and a newborn. Or how do you make the routine work? How do you make naps work with school pickup time? How are you going to cope with this lack of sleep? And then I go, yes, you idiot. And it's will. What are you fucking stupid.

Get another glass of wine in me. What I find is well for me, which not that it helps or makes it easier, but obviously Roxanne's got full and they're all grown up. And life is expensive for Roxanne in general. James, and I see that, you know, I watch their struggles and I support them both as much as I physically can. It gets really, really expensive when they get older. And I just think if I just, right now, we're comfortable and we're doing everything we can and we're both working and life is wonderful. But there is that element of my head that I think, gosh, I'm saving for their

first houses, their first cars, driving lessons. I want to make sure that I'm supporting them. I want to make sure the house has enough room that if they can't leave home, we're accommodating for them in our house, you know? And there's things like me and Chris looked at the other day of putting an extension on our house as to like if there is an option where they're unable to move out or they can't or they come back

that we can add a bit onto the house that has its own sort of living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchenette. Yeah. Like an annex on the side of the house. Like that is our 10 year plan to make sure that there's an insisted living for them all to have before they move out.

But just to make sure that we are making life as easy as possible. So there's a lot, you know, and I think once you've got it in your head that you want another baby, it's really hard to get that thought. To get that thought out. But now I just look at Eden and go, fuck, she's 17, she's learning to drive. She needs a car. She's got jobs and stuff to get to and work. And I just think, oh, I think three.

I'm great with three. I'll stop there. I think I draw the line. Yeah, yeah. But it's whatever's right for you. It's whatever's right for you. Some people want 10 kids. And you just got to do what's perfect for you, haven't you?

Yeah. Yes, but thank you so much. Keep us updated. And if you do have any advice, if you've experienced this, then do let us know and we can pass it on. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Let's have secret number two, please. Okay. This says, hi, Sophie and Emma. This is from Anonymous. I've been listening since the very beginning after following Sof on TikTok. And although I'm not a mum just yet, I am a bonus mum to a nine-year-old little girl. I'm just looking for some reassurance that I'm not overreacting. My partner and I have been trying for a baby since July last year, so not long at all. And last Sunday, I found out I was a around five weeks pregnant after birthday itchy legs. Less than a week later, the following Friday, I had an early miscarriage. Am I overreacting by being completely heartbroken? It was so early and I knew for less than a week that we were expecting, but we had started talking about names and decorating the nursery and looking at what things we will need. Was this too soon?

Did I get ahead of myself? I'm not sure what I want from this, but I felt like you or other mums may understand or offer advice. I don't think you're even reacting at all. I was about to say, I'm going to wait for you to answer that one because I've been there. You've been through it. Yeah. How many weeks was yours? Was it early? So it was the twins. So I lost one was six weeks, one was nine weeks. That's a long time, isn't it? It's hard. Like if you've been trying for a baby for a really, really long time, there is nothing in this world that would ever say the moment you get that positive pregnancy test that your mind doesn't go a thousand miles an hour and you plan for everything. Can you see your future from day one of that positive pregnancy test? Because people have a really fucking long journey.

to get there. And it's what everybody is hoping for, you know, when you do that positive pregnancy test. Well, you know, not everyone, but, you know, the positive pregnancy test. So to me, in my heart, the moment you see that and it's what you want, your mind just runs away with you. Yeah, of course. And you start thinking about, oh, when are they going to be born? Where's their birthday going to be? Yeah, what names are we thinking about. You start downloading the apps. You see what the, like, what size the baby is right now. Yeah. You track to see what time and you look for books and baby names. become completely obsessed with it. It's your whole, it literally consumes your whole life. So would I think, would it be, would I sit here and think you're crazy? No. No. No. Not at all.

And do you, would I say you're wrong for crying and being upset? Absolutely not. Not when you're trying to have a baby. You're already a mum because you've got your nine year old. Like you've got so much going on. Also, may I add your hormones are all over the place and you're, you're trying to process. not only that you found out you're pregnant after trying for a long time, but your hormones are crazy. I think people can diminish early miscarriage and be like, oh, it's just like a heavy period and you just deal with it at home and you don't need a procedure. It's the same thing. I don't do too well with that. And again, I try and keep my opinions to myself because everybody's different, but I don't like the, oh, mine was worse because I was further along.

When I had my miscarriage, everybody went, oh, I don't know why you're sad. you've already got a child? And I'd be like, I know, just doesn't feel great. Yeah. It doesn't feel great. And I'd obviously had, I'd had an early scan with the twins, and I'd seen them at five weeks, and one had a heartbeat, one didn't. And then I had to go back again for another checkup, and one had gone to six weeks,

but unfortunately hadn't made it. And then we had the second twin. And then obviously went back again for another checkup. And yeah, we lost the second one. But it just is, I just, I don't do too well with the, oh, well, you already have one, so I don't know why you're sad. Yeah, or it was early on. It was early on.

They, you know, they weren't, they weren't anything. I can't even say them. I can't even say like the derogatory comments that come because it just makes me feel sick. You were pregnant and that's like whatever way you cut it. Like that's fucking horrific thing to go through. Yeah. So you're not overreacting. And I know not everyone's going to have the same opinion as you and me, you know.

I totally get that. Well, I think people are well meaning when they say. things like, oh, well, just think about what you have got. You know, you are lucky to have a baby already. Okay, fine, that doesn't make it any less shit. No, yeah. It's still awful. Yeah.

And sometimes it's, and I know sometimes 90% comes with, you don't know what to say. Yeah. And I know sometimes our autopilot is to go, oh, just remember what you. Look at the positive. Yeah, look at the positives. Remember what you do have. And in fact, that just doesn't sit well, does it in that moment. So I know it 90% is that we don't, people don't know what's the right thing to say to you or how

to comfort you. And it is shit. And I would say, yeah. Yeah, feel all the feels. Yeah. Yeah, we're sorry. Yeah, we are very, very sorry. Sending you all the love in all the world.

Sorry, I was trying to keep it to be a there. Yeah, it just makes me sad. It's a hard one and I generally do feel for you. So yeah. Yeah. Sending all of our love. Right, let's have our last secrets. All right, this one says,

Hello, Beautiful Ladies. I've been a listener from the very beginning, but first time writing in. I knew I had to share the craziest experience that happened to me. I'm driving home with my children, three and five-year-old girls, when my stomach flipped. I told them, Mummy is going to open your door and run inside or I'm going to have a poo accident.

I didn't know where that was going. I did just that but got very nervous when they weren't inside after a minute or two. I heard the car door shut but then nothing. Then I heard a male voice and the car door again. I immediately started to panic that a man was kidnapping my children. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed outside, only to find my neighbour helping my girls into the house.

My five-year-old couldn't unbuckle her sister so she went to the neighbour's house, rang the doorbell and said, Oh, my mum's having a poo. Mommy's having a poopy accident and I need help getting sissy out the car. Needless to say, I'm mortified and haven't been able to look him in the eyes since. All my love, Caitlin from Western NYU. Oh my God. And it's your neighbours.

You've got to deal with him all the time. Can you imagine like midship? I've been there when you're midship and you're like, fuck, I really need to go and help my babies. I'm going to ship my pants. You know, you can't go off the toilet. You're mid-pooh. I am in that situation so often. I haven't ever had it with having to leave them in the car.

But when they're just in the house, I can hear all hell breaking loose. And I'm like, well, there's nothing I can do in family. I'm mid-pooing, guys. It'll be what it'll be. But, oh, gosh. Oh, and the neighbour. Oh, and bless her heart. She's gone to knock the door.

Mum's having a poo accident. Yeah. My mum's just shit herself. Can you help me get my sister out of the car? Get out. You can help me with sissy, could you? She can't, I can't get her out. She can't get herself.

Oh, gosh. I think the five-year-old needs to be briefed and be like, if this ever happens again, don't say I'm having a shit. Yeah. Say like, mommy had to rush, I don't know, like make something up. Yes. Gosh, she's mugged you right off there. Bless her heart.

Oh, gosh. Can you imagine? I don't know whether I'd just sit there and say, sorry, we couldn't come in. I couldn't get her seat back and done. I just sit there with the doors closed. Hopefully it's not too hot that you're just, got no air in here. Oh, nothing worse than when you're clenching your bum cheeks right to the very last though. I'm going to poop your pants.

Yeah. And then when you see the door, it's like your body, if you ever had that with a wee, like you hold your wee for so long and then you wet yourself at the front door because you're like, I've been holding, I've always let it out right as I've got to the door handle. Because your body's like, you're here now, you can relax. And you're like, no! So I'm not ready! It's happening!

I'm not ready! She's pooing in the street and Brisevades. It's happening. Yeah. I'm shen in the street. Oh, I love that. Oh, God. Thanks, Caitlin.

So thank you for sharing all your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome on the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Maybe you've got some advice on deciding whether to have another baby. Or have you had a poopy accident of your own? Then let us know.

There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!