Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Achy... Apricot?

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

Soph and Emma are comparing notes on potty training and the pressure parents feel to "get it right". Plus, they hear about one little boy whose pronunciation of apricot comes with a very NSFW twist!Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. We have this show called a podcast. Called a podcast. Where we all come together and share our shit. This is a place. Of holy matrimony.

This is a place. Oh, fuck off place. Fuck off. This podcast. It's a safe space. It's a safe space. I nearly said place again then. Yeah.

Yeah. A safe place. This podcast is a safe space. space to share our secrets. A safe space to share our secrets. A safe space to share our secrets. What did I say? Your line is this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. Oh, for fuck sake. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have them. What is wrong with me? I'm having a malfunction. It's the spooky episode that we just recorded. Go back and listen to Thursday for a real treat at the end. Because we all. We all. We're all. We're just going to be a safe. We're

all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. Be anonymous. It's turned into like the monster mash. Monster mesh. It was a graveyard smash.

A monster mesh. All of those secrets can be serious or silly. Okay, I'm pulling it back. All secrets are welcome. in there. Secret Mum Club! If you have no idea on that intro, what the fuck just happened,

you need to go back and listen. Yeah. Listen to your, what episode is it? Thursday, all the way through to the end. All the way. Just skip right to the end if you want to, the outro.

I was trying to do a really... No, it wasn't even supposed to be spooky. It was supposed to be love. It was meant to be love. But there was a lot of those in there and it turned into... It kind of turned into spooky Halloween. But anywho my love, how are you? Oh God, I've just had to get naked

Because now that episode laughing so much Made me fucking sweat my tits off I'm boiling now So I've had to get really naked When do you ever see me in a spaghetti strap? Never see you in a spaghetti strap Also Emma just had to sit on the toilet In a building we're full of strangers

And get fully naked Because she's in a rompour Do you remember the days of like When we used to go nightclub in? Yeah And play suits were in fashion And you would just be in a nightclub Just fully naked on the toilet

Pissed out Fully naked. Pissed out of your trolley. At the amount of times I'll be led on the side of the cubicle just with my romper around my knees. Probably with the door open and a girl's in there you don't even know. You've just got your tits out on the toilet. Yeah.

I haven't got a bra on either. And there's a big mirror next to the toilet. It's a massive mirror next to the toilet. So you can not only watch yourself, take a wee or a poo, but also see yourself fully naked. Yeah. What a treat. What a treat.

Before this, is this disgusting? I was just putting it to the side. Because I had Odie on. I was like, I'm not taking all this shit off. Stop it. Well, your romper? Yeah. Now, today?

Yep. Go you, I've got really good at it. Because when I take Sadie swimming, I wear my swimming costume there. But inevitably, I always need a wee before we go. But I'm not taking my whole swimming costume down. So I just whip it to the side, go to the toilet. I've got a very good aim. Rosie just gave me a thumbs up.

Do you do it too, Rosie? As if you're getting all your clothes off. Hold on a minute. Why are we not just peeing through the swimming? No, because I hadn't already gone swimming. It's like before we go swimming Just a piece for it Just put a bit of tissue

dab it off Is it not so wet, wet crotch Flick some water on it Okay you can't look at me Like I'm weird for pulling it to the side And then tell me that you just piss through a dry At swimsuit I don't wear a swimsuit

No I never really wear a swim swim soon You bikini kind of thong bikini kind of gal Yeah totally No I just don't wear I don't own any swim wear What do you wear in the pool I don't go in the pole

Well at home Yeah I just wear my little shorts Oh, right. Like my jean shorts and my pajama shorts. You don't get fully submerged. I'm not actually swimming in there. No.

No, I just wear my vest top and my shorts. What do you wear on, when you go like to the, do you ever go to the beach? Again, just my shorts and my vest top. Right. Because I'm not really sunbathing. I'm running after the children. When we go to the beach, we don't go for like a leisurely time. I'm there digging, digging holes.

I'll be dand if I've got a swimsuit up my hairy crack. Can you imagine give a full moon on the beach? People are run away. They'll be like, beached whale out here. Get a back in the ocean. That whole crack will be out. Yeah. No.

No. No, just wearing me shorts and me, shorts and my vest. Is that weird? Yeah. It's probably a weird revelation. I only wear like a full swimsuit if I'm getting in the pool. But I take Sadie Swimming every week, so I wear one quite regularly. I must have had a swimsuit though, because I went away to Somerset, didn't I, where Renly was in the swimming pool.

I think I borrowed my sister's swimsuit. You actually don't own one? No, I don't have one. I also go to the spa every time I go to the gym. afterwards. I've never been to a spa. Have you not? Have you ever had a massage?

No. I worked with the guy that had never had a massage and I thought that was so weird. No, I can't deal with people rubbing me up and down. And then he had one and he was like, I hated that.

He was like, why is this normal in society? Yeah. You're just laying there while somebody rubs you. Yeah. And like gets very close to your crotch. And then puts on whale music.

Yeah. I love it when they tuck the towel into your knickers, but they go so low down. You might as well just have cracking. You might as well have to take my pants off. Yeah.

I will if you want me to. Although I have had a full Brazilian wax. Yeah, and that's quite intimate, isn't it? You do have to put your pants to one side there, don't you? No, off. The first time I went for like a full Brazilian, she was like knickers off and I was like, really? No, what?

Well, the ones I've been to. I've only ever had my pants on. And it's so exposing because then you lay down with that little bit of like paper towel over you that barely covers you up. And you think you're about to see my labia anyway. Why are we bothering with this charade? Just get it off. Oh, there's you guys.

Oh, Emma's tummy's growling at us again. that was nearly as good as my fart this one on Instagram. That was epic. I can't believe that came out of your bum. I thought it was a door closing. I was really backed up. I had a McDonald's. Is that lackey deja last night?

Oh gosh. Yeah. Really done me some damage. Good though, the hot honey? I might try it. Be warned, it was very, very spicy. Very spicy. Don't make plans the next day.

I shit twice this morning. In all of the midst of my crazy, obviously this episode is being recorded today, but when you hear it, well, actually, be more delayed than the Thursday at point in. But I had a McDonald's, but I also had a really rushed journey into London. And I did a lot.

So in everything that you saw on my Instagram, obviously I'm not going to share with you when I'm taking a shit. But I had two poos as well in that. I'm surprised you don't share when you're taking a shit. I think that may be just a bit too far. Yeah. It's when the second fart came in the utility room that I was like, respect. She's tired of heading.

She needs to sit the toilet now. And I even said, really do you think I need a poo? Joseph and Sadie do this all the time, right? They let rip and they stink. And I go, do you need a poo? And they go, no, no. No? And I'm like, you do.

Go and sit on the toilet. I can smell poo particles. They try and hold it in. I'm just, just go when you need to go. Go for a poo. They don't they? Yeah. Especially Joseph now.

He'll hold on to a wee and a poo until the very, very last minute. And then they go on their tippy toes and they run and hold it. And then he goes, hurry up, mommy. And I go, well, I told you you needed a wee 40 minutes ago. He keeps going to be, I'm a really good holder. And he is. He's really good. Like, if he says in the car, I need to go, he can hold it. Like, he's not my child.

He's Stefan's child. He's camel bladder. Camel. He can hold it for as long as he needs to hold it. But he's like doing it as like, he's proving a point now. He's like, I don't need to go. I can hold it. And I'm like, yeah, but there is a toilet at home.

So why don't you just go? Go to the toilet. Yes. And it gets to a point where sometimes his behaviour is, like, wild. And I'm like, why is he being so mental? And then 20 minutes later, it'll go, I need a poo. And I'm like, oh. It's because he's holding in that.

You're holding a pooing. Holding a pooing. That explains it. Bless his art. It sends his brain. Speaking of poo. Oh. We've cracked the potty training.

Which I feel like we've cracked potty training. You're a little bit ahead of us, maybe. Oh, because we're having stand up poos. Stand up poos. But also, he was on it quite early, wasn't he? Yes. How long have you been doing it for overall? Because they had a brief stint back in that piece.

We were on and off, weren't we? Because we were only doing it because the weather was so beautiful. Yeah. We went through a couple of weeks where it was raining. but he's doing, we've had a good stint now. We've gone seven days and he is dry through the day. Yeah. Fully dry.

We even went out the other day in the car with his pants on. Yeah. And he stayed dry. Amazing. That's mad, isn't it? Yeah. All we've got to learn now is master this sitting down because he really like to stand up poo. We're having trouble with the poo still as well, which they said at nursery yesterday,

they were like, she hasn't been all day. And if she had a napion, she normally would have been. Do you know what has been helping for me, though, is I'm lining the, potty with a nappy never done it with the other two and putting a nappy inside the potty Does that make him want to go more? Yes, so the feeling

and then I just sit in with the telly on in the front and I think because the safety of feeling the nappy on his crutch and then he does lean forward a little bit but it'll hold on to the front of the potty and I think we've had two now

two poos in the potty two poos on the nappy that's in the potty is a little bit messy because obviously the potty the nappy gets stuck to your bum but he's doing great We're napping in the day with no napy off. We went straight into that and I thought,

I was no way she's going to get it. And she hasn't had, she's never had an accident during a nap. When I pick her up and she's dry. She has honestly blown my mind with it because with Joseph it was quite a painful process. And in hindsight, I think maybe he was too young. Yes.

Even though he was two and a half, which is like, you know, a normal age to do it, I think he's one of those children that could have benefited from us waiting until he was maybe three. It just took him ages to get it. And I was like,

it's two and a half. should be getting it but all children are different aren't they and I think I think actually he I mean now it was my first child I'd potty train so I didn't really know what I should be looking for yes but he had so many accidents and weirdly he pooed straight away on a potty like didn't everyone's like oh have trouble with poos no he was fine with that but he just did not get it with the whee's he had an accident everywhere we went he was ween all the time every time he went in the car seat he was weeing like it just became normal that he was going to have like several accidents a day.

Yeah. And now that I've potty trained another child, I'm like, oh, this is maybe what it's supposed to be like. And she's slightly younger than Joseph was. She's two and four months. And she has honestly blown my mind with it. She has picked it up. Girls are so much easier.

People say that. And I thought it was a bit of a myth. And I don't know whether it's just the children that they are or whether it's because she's a girl. But she has done so amazingly well. Like, I was dreading it because it was quite stressful with Joseph. And with Sadie, I'm like, oh, is that it? That's how easy it should have been.

She's literally been dry within like five days. Yeah. She's had a handful of accidents, hardly any. And she's dry during her nap. She does still wear a nappy at night. But even with a nappy at night, she's kind of saying to me now, like, kind of resisting, putting it on. Yes. Because I think I may be confused her.

She was like, hang on, you've told me all the nappies have gone, but you're still putting one on me at night. But I just, I didn't want to risk it overnight. And she had been sleeping well, although during the heat wave, she's been fucking nightmare. But anyway, that's a different story. But she was a bit like, oh, why are you still putting a nappy on me? But when she wakes up, her nappy is like pretty dry. And then I sit her on the potty and she does a big wee in the morning. So she, I think she's getting it.

And she's holding it. Whereas like, Joseph, he's still waking up with a wet pull-up. I'm like, I think he's just a child that's not going to get it for a while. Boy, she said, I always take a little. I was just really lucky with Colby. Yeah. Colby just took to it really, really easily. But yeah, really starting to get annoyed with the nappy.

And at the moment, it's really hard as well. because I'm trying to stay on my social because I'm really enjoying doing my videos because I went through a bit of a patch didn't I where I was a bit up and down with it and I'm back and I'm really loving making my videos but the hard thing for me now is Renly is always naked. Always.

Yeah. I can't just pick up my phone and record because he is fully stark bollick naked all the time. Yeah. It's hard, isn't it? Peeing on the potty. Yeah. He's doing himself a little vitreasing every time he does it.

England. England. What's he going to do with the World Cup's over? I don't know, but he just says World Cup. World Cup. There was the tell he was on loop the other day. I don't know what the babies were watching, but it just kept going,

World Cup. I was like, Cassar and tear that fucking show off, what is it? And then Brindley now just keeps going, World Cup! World Cup! He's such a little hooligan, I love it. And he says,

Jubillings, Declam Rice. He knows their names. Deck Rice. I'm like, oh Christ. We're at a football tournament the other day as well for Colby. And I was shouting, go on to the boys. Like, go on, George.

go on Patrick and he was going yeah go George go Patrick and every time I said a child's name he just kept repeating them and everyone was absolutely howling at me because they were like

he's honestly like a little parrot he's just repeating everything they're at that age though aren't they so funny everything but say the other day I can't get to do a pool on the potty right but when my mum and dad were here here the other day

I was just prepping dinner in the kitchen and she came and handed me a solid turd stunning. I was like, good girl. But also, I'm in the middle of chopping salad for nanny and grandad. They were a bit like, do you want?

My mom went, do you want me to take over making dinner? And I was like, yeah, I've washed my hands, but I still feel like this is a bit unsanitary. Because she said, there you go, and slapped a poo into my hand. So I was like, she'd caught it. Because she's doing them standing up. She'd caught it coming out of her bum. And then thankfully, it was a solid one, but she just handed it to me. And I was like, stunning.

Thank you. And then you think they're done. She was out in the garden playing with the water table. Then I hear she got a bit upset about seeing it. Yes. There's a poo in the garden. And I went out there. Another massive turd on the patio.

Go on, girl. But she's going, but she just, I can't get her to do it. We've had two on the toilet, but it's been by pure chance. She's been kind of going like, holding her bum and being like, oh, poo, poo, poo. And we'll see it on and off the toilet about 10 times. No, no, no, won't go, won't go. And then by chance twice, I've gone, well about now? And I've literally sat her down and she's gone, plop on the toilet.

But like that is being like on it. every two seconds when she says poo-poo, you have to sit her down. So it's just like by a chance whether you catch it. Yeah. But she's definitely holding it in. So any tips for poos on the potty or the toilet? Yes. I'd love to know.

Someone did say to do on the big toilet and then get a little steps so they can raise their legs a little bit hard. She has that. But she won't sit down for long enough. Rents falls for it. Also, he does his thing at the moment where I say, oh, should we try and have a, should we try and have a pill on the potty? We'll sit down. I said, oh, you've got to squeeze a little bit when you're sat down.

So he goes, yeah. No poo-poo. Yeah. And then he'll go, I still know puppy. I just can't get to sit down for a long of now. He also really loves watching the poo-poo come out. Oh, they love, and they're fascinated to see it, aren't they?

So fascinated. She goes, when she's gone, she goes, I see it. I see it. And then I'll show her, and then I flush it. She goes, gone. Go on. He picks the potty up and goes, say, bye-bye, woo-wee. Oh, my God.

We've got the little insert that comes out of the potty. So when she's done a really big week, obviously, I'll go to the toilet and flush it. But she loves to be part of that process now. It's fucking chaos. She finished it. She picks it up. She's like, I'll flush it. I'm like, oh, we're living the same life just in two different houses.

It does go everywhere. It does go everywhere. But I am so pleased and so proud of it and so relieved that it went better than last time. It's hard, didn't it? It's hard. And especially, I think there's a lot of pressure, isn't there? There's a lot of pressure in that we should be potty trained in our children and they shouldn't go to school or nursery with nappies on.

And that's just not the case for some people. Well, I think at some point, too, just became the age where everyone was like, they should potty train it too and I just think there's lots of children still at school you know that are wearing nappy and I just think it's a really it's really hard and

there's so much online and there was stuff going around recently wasn't it I don't know who said it now but somebody had said something about children going to school and they're being it was on a podcast it was it being in nappies oh you're lazy parents because you're spending too much time

on your phone you know when you just want to think you just want to say what the fuck What did you actually just say? Some people, it's really hard. Some children just don't get it. And some people can't, some babies can't physically wear pants. They have to wear nappies.

And it's just one of those topics that's just really, really insensitive. You don't have. You should never, ever, ever have any judgment on anybody in how they're parenting, what they're choosing to do, or whether their child is going through something, living with something long term, their forever life, whatever is their normal. Yeah. Don't ever make snyd comments like that, do you? You just don't know.

No. Like I feel a bit self-conscious about the fact that Joseph's still going to pull up to bed and he's nearly five. No. But I'm like, I just don't know whether, you know, tried like not getting him too much liquid before bed and all that stuff. He still wakes up with a wet nappy. So I think he might just be like, and it is genetic. And me and my sister were like this. We were bedwetters until we were about six or seven.

We just could not get it. And there's nothing wrong with that because he will one day. You'll get it at some point. He will. And are you going to put him into bed where you've got to. change the mattress in the middle of the night because he's soaking wet and he's freezing cold. Everyone just have a good night's sleep. Everyone have a good night's sleep. No. I mean, I've contemplated wearing a nappy to bed so I just don't have to get up. You know, it would be convenient.

Yeah. I just think there's too much pressure and too much stress and too much of people judging everybody. Everyone, the same as you and me. We learn things in our own time. It's the same with the babies, isn't it? Sorry, it went on a rampage that I didn't mean. It is a topic just really rages me. It's very, very sensitive. Yeah. But you do you and don't ever listen to anybody, tell you anything judgmental or fucking horrible, because it's just, it's not warranted.

Nope. Nor welcome. You do what you've got to do to get through. What you've got to do to get through, honies. But other than that, on potty training, also I am potty training in the midst of painting my utility. I cannot believe, when you said I'm going to hand paint leopard print on my utility room wall last week.

Yeah. I can't believe how much progress has been. been made. I've done loads. In the last seven days. And I was going to go neutral and then I decided to go blow. What was neutral leperprint? So to go for a key cream background with the brown and like the caramel.

Oh, okay. The more beigey. Yeah, yeah. But we went for Ken. I love that your inspo was Ken in Toy Story 3. Yes. Yeah, nice. Yeah.

Stunning. And also a small secret of the week. I've bought Chris the outfit from Amazon. So when the room is done, I'm going to get. You can stand in there. Has you got a little necktie? And the shores. It's going to be camouflaged in there.

Oh my God. Camouflage, Ken. It's brought me a lot of joy. Yeah. Honestly, I'm really impressed by your skill. Like, the accuracy of the free painting and the patience to do the whole thing. I just... I don't know where I'm finding it from it.

Honestly, I can't believe, I can't believe you've done it. I'm finding a lot of joy in it. Oh, yeah. I won't lie. Yeah. It's... I love it so much. I actually want to do my coat cupboard.

exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, if you want to do more, do the ceiling. Well, we're just a bit undersided. Chris is, I feel like I've gone, I've gone bold with this one. Yeah, and what does Chris think about it? He really loves it.

Does it? Yeah, he's really complimentary and it's so sweet. And I've been potty training while painting, back and forth school running, keeping on top of the house. Honestly. It's been a wild week. You like to have a full plate. I really was hoping that it was going to be done by yesterday, but I think it's going

to be another day. Yeah. I obviously would have had this done for two. two weeks now. Yeah. By the time you're actually... Hopefully by the time you're hearing this. Yeah.

By the time you're hearing this, hopefully, because it's been two weeks. And hopefully it's not painted white again because that could be sad. We could, you could be listening to this, but in two weeks time, I've actually painted it back white. You'll have the coat cupboard done by then. It's only paint. And the hallway and the room room. It's only paint. It's not that precious.

It's not that deep. People, yeah, people have taken it very, very personal. Yeah. And people have also taken it like, I want you, you should paint your house like this. Yeah, you're not telling anyone to paint blue lipop print on their house. No, but I also would like to tell you that you've got to lead with your heart. You have to do whatever makes your heart happy. Everybody has these picturesque show homes that are wonderful.

Don't get me wrong. That's just not my home. My home is filled with memories, filled with laughter, love. There's colouring, there's marks on the table, there's paint on the floor. Our house is very housey. Yeah. Lifting. Lifting.

Yeah. And I'll be damned. There's going to be one day when they're potentially in their own houses. and I've got to have a basic boring showroom home. No, you haven't got to. It's only boring for me, though, not for everyone else. My sister has a beautiful show home. My sister's house is literally a show home.

But it's not your... It's just not me. No, it's not me. And the babies have been loving it. Every time they come home from school, they love it. I was going to say, I bet they love it. But yes, no, it's been a lot of fun. I'm really impressed.

So that's pretty much all I've been doing this week. Potty and painting. Potty and painting, yeah. and grabbing a little bit of sun here in there. Yeah, you look real tan. I think it's the colour of the top though. It's popping. It's making the tan pop.

It's popping off. But how have you been? We're like chalk and cheese, aren't we? Chalking cheese. I don't think the top of my arms. I've seen the sun in about 18 months. It might be really sunny when we leave here today, so you might be able to get a little bit of a glow up where you go back.

Well, that's what I was thinking while I'm in London Town. Although it's been bloody boiling at home as well. It has been wonderful. It's been roasting. But I try not to, I am a bit pasty, so I try not to get myself out in the sun too much. I was about to say it's been sunny at my home but I am also only an hour down the road you're in another country. Well you say another country it's only you know two hours on the train. Still class as another country. It is yeah. It's foreign land yeah. So it is another country.

It makes me laugh when every time I come up every week or if I go home after the podcast there's a lot of questions about you all the time. They're like do you think I'm going to make it back to our country okay. I'm like, we're not getting on a flight. They don't get it though, do they? They find it really fascinating that you're in another country.

I know, I know. It's not that far away. But no, we're all good. We're all good. Joseph had his transition day into reception. All went smoothly. I said, Jim, how did that go today? He goes, good, good, good, good.

Oh, that's very, step. That's very, Stefan. So it went well. Oh, that was it. And you're happy? Yeah, I think you feel all right about it. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't feel like that bigger deal because it's in the same school. Yes.

So it's like. It's just moving from one to the next. chill, you know. Yeah. But he had his school report. And his school report was very good. Oh. So that was nice to hear.

You know, because he was a latecomer to the class. But they said he's getting on really well. That's really sweet. Yeah. He's got lots of friends. He's got lots of friends. They said he's got a lovely personality. Oh, I know.

That is really good. I'm glad he's good for you because... Listen, as we always say, you'd want it that way around, not the other way. You would. You would. For sure. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes.

So we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for SecretMumPod or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. Dot com. Don't get it.

Twisted. Romcom. Don't get it twisted. It's time for our correspondence corner. We should have done it in our spooky voice. I feel like it's... Yeah. I feel like it's been a lot already, isn't it?

So, Emma. Do you want to take it away, honi? All right, this one says, hi girls. Hey, honey. I just wanted to send a message to reassure Eva after hearing her question about sending her little one to a private school nursery. Do you remember? Yes. Yeah.

Especially with the possibility of needing to move them to a state school afterwards. We sent our little girl and subsequently our little boy to a private nursery rather than estate nursery because of my husband and my shift patterns. I had the exact same worry about her not having any friends going into school with her as she and had such a tight-knit group at nursery. But honestly, when I tell you, my little girl thrived at school, she really did. She walked in on day one and has never looked back. She absolutely adores it. She's made a whole new friendship group and we still catch up with her nursery friends from time to time. So Eva, I'd say, go for it. They are so much more resilient than we give them credit for and they take these changes in their stride. If you love the nursery and it's the right choice

for your family, why not give him the best start? And you never know, there may be other parents in the same position with children moving on to state school. afterwards too. All my love, Rebecca from Fife in Scotland. Oh, Rebecca. That's lovely, isn't it? That's really lovely, isn't it? I did think that as well when I was listening back.

There might be other parents doing the same thing as you. So you actually might end up in a class with kids he already knows. Yes, and also some of the children in the private may go to the state setting. That's what I mean. Yes. Sorry, yes, yes. So that's a possibility. That is a possibility.

But even so, even if that doesn't happen. And you can also get the feelers when you're meeting new parents when they're at the nursery to be like, oh, where are you going to go? Yeah. Where are you sending your bubba? Can you afford to do this full time? Because we can't. That'd be me and Stefan. We're going to bail after a year because we can't afford this.

It's going to be a wonderful year though if she does go ahead with it. Again, I thought when I was listening back, like what an opportunity. What an opportunity. I think make the most of it. I think you're right. I think make it. And this is really lovely, Rebecca. This is such a lovely thing.

And this is going to be really, really reassuring, isn't it? Yeah. Because Eva is was really... She's been through it twice. Yeah, she has been through it twice. Yeah. So no, that is really lovely. Yeah, thanks Rebecca.

Thanks, Rebecca. I hope Eva does hear it and it brings her a lot of joy. Yes. Oh, and Eva, if you're listening, if you are listening, please can you keep us posted on if you actually do enroll? Because I'm really excited. Yeah. I feel like we're going to get insider knowledge into a private nursery.

Yeah. I'd never be able to do a private nursery. We need to know every little boy becomes fluent in French. Yes. And swimming, wasn't it? Yeah, and swimming, Paul. That's another thing as well Again I was thinking

You are saving money on other things Rather than playing for two classes Right You'd have to go I mean if you wanted him to learn French But if you wanted him to learn swimming You'd be paying to go to swimming lessons Agreed

But you're getting that as part of the school anyway It's a win win Curriculum You're saving money Double double double Double double All for the price of one Buy one get on free

Yeah free for the price of one Bug off So you can get in touch with us On anything at all Yeah can be serious or silly And you can be totally anonymous Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, did you sniff your armpit?

Just check in my hairy pits. I think they're okay. Oh, I think... I never wear sleeveless things. I did do mine. You always look great, yeah. A little bit of stubble coming back there. It's okay.

Oh, this one's a little bit more hairier than that one. Is it? I keep getting a patch. I keep missing a patch. I have to like turn my armpit out like this. Yeah, I get that as well. Yeah. It's hard to get a razor in there, isn't it?

It's hard to get a razor in there. I end up churning up my armpit. Anyway Anywho We're all in this together And we know that we are We're all stars And we see that

Check your pits For any bristle brushes in there We've got three secrets from you this week We're going to be discussing So Emma Do you want to take it with number one? Okay this says hi Sophie and Emma

I'm a day one listener But this is my first time writing in All the recent chat about words Our Kids mispronounced reminded me of a story About my youngest That I just had to share Last year, my son started reception.

He's one of the youngest in his year and had only just turned four, so his speech was still developing. One afternoon, I picked him up from school and asked how his day had been and whether he'd enjoyed the packed lunch I'd made. He excitedly replied, Yes, Mummy, my favourite was the achy cock. Slightly confused and a little concerned, I asked, Sorry, what did you say?

With an even bigger smile, he proudly repeated, Akey cock! I want achy cocky cock every day. At this point, I was frantically trying to work out what he meant. Aikycock. I can't think of anything. So I started listing everything I packed in his lunchbox. As soon as I mentioned his yogurt, he shouted, Aikycock, yummy Aikycock.

Yogurt. Then I finally realized he meant apricot. Oh, yes. Apricot. Aikycock. Aikycock. Aikycock yogurt. I see it.

He's five now and thankfully. says apricot perfectly, although his big brother still loves reminding him how he used to say it. Thank you both for creating a place where mum's feel seen and heard. Keep the laughs coming. Lots of love Leila from Norfolk. Oh, Layla, that is a cute one, isn't it? Aikikok. I actually quite like Aikikok. I might take that forward. Yeah. Yeah. What flavor of yogurt do you want? We've got strawberry, banana. Imagine being in a restaurant. Imagine being in a restaurant. We've got some Aparcot tart. I'll take the Aikikikok. Yeah. Love an Aikov tart. Give me all the Akeye Cockes. Oh, that is adorable.

Thanks, Leila. Oh, I'd really miss that one, I think. I know, that's the thing, isn't it? It's gone now. Only in the space of a year. He's learned how to say it properly. What's it? She's learned how to say something properly recently,

and it's really sad. Oh, toilet. She used to say toot, which I thought was so cute. Yes. So she'd be like, I need a wee-wee on a toilet. And now she just says toilet. Up on the railings, like she's a landing. Tollet.

Give me the toilet. I need to go wee-wee on the to-olet. Take me to your nearest toilet. Now she just says, I need we on the toilet. Oh. Oh, so sad. My favourite thing about Renli is he asks you a question, but he answers for you as well. She says, Mommy, biscuit, please.

Okay, thank you. I like, you're already going to say yes. Mommy, give me our car. Give me our car. Okay, thank you. And he like goes up with the okay. Mommy, ride scooter. Okay, thank you.

I'm like, oh, okay, you just answered for me. Mommy dindins now please. Okay, thank you. He's just not letting you say no. No, he's not let me say no. It's my favourite thing in the whole entire world. I love it. Or we are actually fully on no now.

No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no. No, Ingleon. Okay? It's just as okay.

He fucking kills me. Okay. Thank you. And we went to that preschool thing, didn't we, the other day? And he kept saying, sorry, sorry. Oh, sorry. Such a cute one. Sadie says it, even when she's not supposed to say it.

I know, Redley says it all the time, and then he was in there, wasn't he? And he was going, when pay car now? Okay, thank you. I did it to the kids. Everyone must say yes to me. Okay. Thank you. Okay, thank you.

Mom, carry my scooter. Okay, thank you. It just never gets old. It's my favorite thing in the whole entire world. Sorry, let's have number two. Okay, this says, hello, lovely ladies. Okay, thank you. I wanted to ask for you advice about,

knowing when the right time is to have children. I'm turning 26 this year and I already feel like I'm running out of time to make such a huge decision. Whenever I bring it up with my partner, he says he'd love a family one day, but worries we simply couldn't afford to give a child the life we'd want to. With the cost of living, climate change, politics and everything happening in the world, I sometimes wonder whether it's the right time to bring a child into it all. If I'm honest, childbirth scares me too, which only makes me question things even more. But then there's another part of me that's always wanted children. I've had a list of baby names on my phone for years. I've always imagined having a family and my parents keep asking when they might get

grandchildren. I know ultimately it's a decision only I can make, but I'd love to hear your thoughts in case anyone else listening feels the same. Thank you so much. I absolutely love the podcast. Lots of love Chloe from Kent. Oh, Chloe, bless you. This one is a really, really tricky one. I mean, yeah, it's like she says, only you really know the answer. Only you really know. And I think obviously as parents, we're going to say, go for it. You should do it. Yeah. But 26 is still really, really young. It's so young. So, so incredibly young. I had, what did I, fall pregnant at 27 and had Colby at 28,

fell pregnant at 29, had Dotty at 30, and then had Renly at 36. Yeah. Were we 36? You were 35, but 36 that year. He fell pregnant at 35, but had him at 36. No, you were 35 when he was born, but you would have been 36 in the July, same as me and Sadie. Okay. Yeah. So I had him at 35.

Yeah. I was 33 and 35. So I feel like Chloe's got loads of time. And also there's so much stigma on what age is the right age to have a baby when in fact there is no right age. Yeah. There is no right age to have it. It's when I have it. Sorry, that sounded really, really cruel. Have a baby. It just, it's just your, it's just your dynamic and when you are, when you are ready. if I always you know I had a lot of health complications I knew I wanted to have children it was just finding the right person and obviously I explained that from the get get go to Chris but also something now being a parent is one you're never ever going to be ready for a child it doesn't matter how much stuff you have how much clothes you've bought food you have you're never fully prepared to ever fall pregnant and have a baby would you agree yeah like there is no preparation you're can put in place. No.

And even if it is what you expect it to be, when the baby does come into the world is actually far different than what you ever expected it to be. So it is a difficult one because you don't want to put a timeline on it because adding pressure to it will, one, if your partner isn't quite ready or is at the moment saying we should hold on, that's putting a lot of strain and pressure on to you. Also, putting pressure on to fall pregnant can sometimes. make you not harder. Yeah, make you not full.

And I think if you're thinking about finances, like if you decide to try in like five years time, you're still 31, you're young, you've got loads of time, and then you might be in a bit more of a comfortable position, you might be earning a bit more money or you might have had time to save a bit more and then you might feel better about it. But she's thinking, am I going to have kids at all? Not even just if I have them, when am I having them? Should I even have a baby at all? Yeah, it's a hard one, isn't it? I mean, I feel like you, from what you say, it's like always being there in your heart with a baby name list on your phone. Yeah. Yes. So I think saying like, oh, you know, we might not be in a in the position financially or whatever, like all those things are

like circumstantial and they can change. Do you know what I mean? But I feel like if in your heart, you know that you want a baby. And I wonder if she's saying, again, this is only because we're reading what you have written, is that where she is saying that she's not even sure if she wants to have a child at all, sometimes because her partners may be saying not right now or, you know, with the state of the world, politics and so forth and financials. That's making her question. It's making her then maybe question whether she wants to have a baby at all. Yeah.

And it is a big decision. It is a big decision to, you know, is forever. A baby's forever. So it is a massive decision. But from what we gauge from the first bit of the message is that she would really love to have a baby and she's worried that she's leaving it too long, which you're not. And then obviously the last bit is kind of should I even have a baby at all. But then I don't know if it's because her partner is unsure.

But my friends did a wonderful thing. they actually did a baby fund. So they used to save money for, and put into a jar to have a baby. So when the time comes, so they weren't both ready. They wanted to save. They wanted to buy their first house.

So they got a little jar and it was a baby fund. So they used to put money into it to save up for having a baby. And then unfortunately, they both weren't able to have, well, they together weren't able to have a baby. So they are now in adoption. It's been a really long journey.

They've now gone through adoption. They've adopted two. babies and they use their money for a really wonderful holiday when they found out really sad news that they couldn't. It was a really, really long stretch, but you could do something like a baby fund where you both add money into it and then it might be a fun way to sort of distract your mind from maybe not instinctively trying for a baby, but to be saving for your future baby. I actually found that I spent less money when I had babies because I wasn't going out. I spent more money with Colby than I have done with Renley

because everything that I thought I needed. You didn't need. Don't fucking need it. When they're babies, you don't need much. It's hard because I don't want to say babies aren't that expensive. I think they get more expensive as they get older. I was just about to say 100% agree. The older they get, the more expensive they get.

But the baby, at least for the first year, is not expensive. I was spending less on like nappies and baby clothes than I was on previously, like, going out drinking or going on holidays. Or buying myself clothes. I stopped buying clothes. I stopped buying because I just didn't, I just didn't need them. I wasn't going anywhere. I know.

But I equally don't want to say that should be your reason to say to your partner, oh, babies aren't that expensive. Because obviously. No, and obviously it's not a flippant thing. Like you don't just want to sleepwalk into it. Like it is a big decision. Yeah. But I think if you really want one and your partner wants one, then you can make a work.

You're definitely worth finding a mutual ground together though. Yeah. Because if he is going to say no. I don't like the politics state of the world financials. I mean, if he's a hard no, then I'm saying, yeah. If he's a hard no, then you have to make that decision for yourself as to whether or not it's going to work or if you want to have a baby. Obviously, there's still so much time, not saying that you should split up with him,

but you need to find a mutual ground as to where you're both at because I think that's conflicting your feelings. Seems a little bit like at the moment he's, she wants one and he's not so sure. Yeah. So you need to make sure you're on the same person. So I think, yeah, be on the same page because I think it's your mind's a little bit conflicted at the moment. But if anybody can share any tips with us and we can pass them on to Chloe, that would be really, really wonderful because it is hard. It's a really hard, big decision to make.

It is massive. Yeah. Probably the biggest decision you'll ever make. In your whole entire life. Yeah. No pressure. No pressure. Right.

Let's have our last secret. Okay. This says, hello gorgeous girlies. Hello, honies. I'm not a mum just yet. I am, however, a very proud dog mum. And because I know you both appreciate a good poo story, here's mine. Oh, I don't know about dog poo though.

Is it going to be about dog poo? Yeah. Oh no. A few years ago, we took my mum back to Great Yarmouth for a holiday, somewhere we'd spent so much of my childhood. We stayed in a dog-friendly caravan, and it was such a lovely trip down memory lane. One evening, we took the dogs for a walk along the seafront

before popping into the Golden Nugget Arcade. I was completely engrossed in the two P machines, desperately trying to win one of those tacky seaside ornaments. When I noticed a group of teenagers, pointing, laughing and taking photos. Then I smelt it. Our one-year-old cockapoo had squatted right in the middle of the arcade

and produced her very own golden nugget. Oh no. To this day, it's still the biggest poo she's ever done. I was absolutely mortified. Safe to say, I never did win my little ornament because I made a very swift exit. Just another unforgettable family memory, sending you both all the love in the world,

lots of love Kaylee from Somerset. Kaylee, I would... Have you ever been back to great? Yarmouth. I don't know, I don't think I would be bothered about the dog pooing and having to pick the dog poo in, but a group of teenagers. Oh, there's nothing more mortifying. Taking photo. That's going to be all over social media as well, you know it. Probably was. When was this? How many years ago was it, Kaylee? It's recent, I think. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Oh, a few years ago. A few years ago. So, you know, social media was a... I hope you've come back

from this because that, I think, would have traumatised me for life. I just love that she was in the Golden Nugget. I did think, oh, that's specific. Why is she telling us the name of the R. It was relevant. The coca poo. Relevant to the story. Curled out a golden nugget. Yeah. Yes.

Bigger than a nugget by the sounds of it. It sounded like an absolute man mountain of poo. What the hellie. I just, oh, why do these things happen? It doesn't matter. They say,

don't they? Don't ever work with children and animals. Yes. That's why. And there we go. Yeah. So it's no worse than, literally a few months ago,

we were on the train. I don't know where I was coming back from. I was up here with Chris and the babies as well, but we were on the train going back. I kid you not Renly had the biggest shit in his nappy it stank out the whole carriage everybody was covering their nose on the train

and this man went whoa okay he has had a poo now and I was like I'm so sorry what do you do? I was so embarrassed I said to Chris and I was pretending like oh I can't even Where's that coming from?

I can't even smell anything someone got dog poo on their shoe It's like when you do a fart and it's smelier than you anticipate you have to look around and go God he's fired on the train We should save to get off Or at my case, just fart on your phone to 360,000 people.

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it too. Oh, well, I love that. I'm glad it's not just our babies. It's fair babies soon. Yeah. Just another family memory to chalk up. Add it to the memory book.

I really love that, though. Thanks, Kaylee. Very funny. But I would have died if it was me. Would have died. I don't think I would have coked. I don't think I would have coked. Dogs are allowed anywhere, though.

Well, pretty much anywhere. Okay. We've got spots in our show. shopping centre that have a porpoena on them that dogs are allowed into. No way. Yeah. It's very sweet. I'm not a dog fan since having kids, so I...

Listen, I'm not on board with it. Don't offend our dog mommy and daddies. It's a huge chunk of the population and listeners, so... Yes, exactly. I'm just putting my neck on the line. You are putting your neck on the line. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at Secret Mumpod. or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Do you want an achy cock? Do you want an achy cockyog? Or have you had a golden nugget moment? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode.

And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!