Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The A&E Week

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Soph’s been in and out of A&E all week with her niece Ember and Colby. Plus, there’s a massive update on Renley’s dummy usage, and Emma debriefs on Sadie’s birthday week at Centre Parcs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendar. because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only, so you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now, so head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere. Safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself.

You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. Oh, secrets are welcome in the secret mom club! Nailed it. Fuck, I didn't even look at that. We haven't actually been here for weeks and we fucking nailed that. I think the two week break is... Is it two or three weeks?

We're refreshed. It's been three weeks. Because we had, I had centre parks. I had a tragic time in my life. You had a nightmare and then... It was a really difficult time. We're back. Yeah, we are back.

You've been living at large. Living it up. Sennie please. What do I do? Yeah, went to Sennie P's, which feels like ages ago now. It's like... Because I've been in A&E. Yeah, you've been living in the hospital.

Do you know the saddest thing was is it's a year since our car crash. Is it? And that was the last time I went to A&E. And now I'm back in A&E. That has not been a year. Not just one day, not two days. Three whole days in a row. In a row.

Not one child. Two children. Yeah. Three, apparently. Two different children. Two different children. Hold up three fingers. With surviving.

With surviving. We're surviving, not thriving. Yeah, yeah. Do you've had a dramatic week? Do you want to tell me about yours first? No, do you want to tell us about yours? Well, I don't want to be like, all light and airy and then you've been having an absolute mare. You can gloss up the shitness.

We'll have the shit first and then you do the good. You do the turn and then I'll polish it. We went to the hospital. Yeah, a lot. A lot. Yes, a lot. So you know I said about Embers period? I do have permission for my sister to talk about this because my sister really wants to raise awareness around it.

And I know I've touched on it before on here. not into too much detail. And obviously I won't go into too much detail because it's obviously at the end of the day, a 12 year old girl. But she is, she is really struggling, she has done now since Christmas. So she started her period.

This is my niece, Ember, who is 12. She started her period in July last year. And you know when you start, I remember starting mine and I was so terrified and scared. And I never really had that relationship with my mum to be able to talk about my period. And where me and Roxanne,

It wasn't until Roxanne had Eden that we were really very close. So again, when I started my period, I didn't really talk to Roxanne. So when I started, I was felt really lost and scared, didn't know how to wear a sanitary towel or how to use a tampon. Didn't know any of that. Didn't know I was going to get cramps and it was going to fucking hurt. I remember putting a winged pad on and it stuck to me pubs because I didn't know you had to wrap it round your knickers.

So just remember like all this blood, like I just didn't want that growing up. I don't want it for the girls or anything quite that. I know this is a lot of TMI, but I just didn't, I didn't want that for them growing up. So we've always, obviously Eden has her period. So we've always talked her and showed her and told her what she needs to do, tablets and help her out. Ember come around. She's the next one to get her period. And she got it in the July.

And then Christmas, I remember saying to Roxanne, like, Ember doesn't look very well. And she was like, oh, she's had the period for two weeks. I was thinking, gosh, that's a long time for her. and she's only so, she's so petite and so tiny. I thought, I said to Roxanne, I'll just, just watch that. But again, where it's then the period, their first period, or when they're starting, sorry, hormones are all over the place. Yeah, it's not regular.

No, it's not regular. You have one, one week and then two weeks and nothing, and then you'll have another one, then you go a whole month with nothing. At one point, I think I didn't have one for about four months, and then it just come back and fall forth. So we're obviously trying to just watch and see what happens and, like, documented there. And like December went, got around. to January and Roxanne was like she's still, she's still bleeding. What do you think I should do? And I was like, oh, you've

tried for a long time now. I think it's like best to maybe see the GP, even if nothing, just get some, advice because she was a little bit anemic. So they were really kind and did blood tests on her and stuff like that and just said, you know, it will stop. Just keep going. Make sure if they've got any pain or anything like that, just make sure that you're using pain relief. February come round, February was like the worst month because she literally couldn't get off of the toilet. Like there was just blood rushing out of her. And when I tell you it wasn't even that she could wear a pad.

She couldn't walk anywhere. She couldn't go anywhere. She wasn't going to school. She was going down the stairs on her bum because by the time she stood up she would have soaked her trousers. This is when Roxanne called an ambulance. Yeah. And they were really lovely because they gave her some medication that she was able to take. So she didn't have to go to the hospital. The paramedics were wonderful and helped her at home.

So she was taking the tablets and it kind of died down but didn't stop. But what Roxanne was only given three days worth of tablets. But when the tablets stop, you actually bleed worse than what you were in the first place. So when we caught up with the GP and Ember had no tablets, it came back within 24 hours, like in full force. So again, the GPs were like, you know,

just make her rest, continue to take the tablets, and it will die down, which it did. And it died down through, yeah, the most of March. And then got to like two weeks ago. was it two weeks ago? Yeah, like mid-March, now, obviously I'm saying this now, but obviously we went to the hospital like a week, a week ago now, but by the time you hear this, it was two weeks ago.

So Roxanne said, Ember's bleeding again. Phoneed me, bear in mind she hadn't had a day in three months without bleeding, whether it be light or whether it be heavy, hadn't had a day. She wasn't going to school. She wasn't going out of the house. She wasn't seeing her friends. She literally had like no life. It was just controlling her whole life.

And every day she'd phone me, every day, every day, every day, every day, was just like, auntie, I don't know when this is going to stop. And I'd be like, oh, how are you today? And she'd be like, oh, I don't want to talk about it. I'm crying again today. And that's horrible. At 12 years old. So it got to a point where I come back really bad.

And I said to Roxanne, do you know what? Enough is enough. We've exhausted every avenue with going to GPs, phone in 1-1-1, following the app for the NHS Together app. We've done everything without going, I can't speak for everybody else. And it's not that I wanted people to be like, oh, well, you're such a superstar because you don't need it. I don't go to A&E unless I feel it really, really necessary. We have a minor injuries unit, which is where I tend to take the children, you know, where Colby bust his chin open. I went to the minor injuries and they were like, that needs stitches, you've got to go to A&E.

So I won't go to A&E unless it's really bad or a last resort. So I said to Roxanne, we need to get her to the hospital because I don't think there's any. more now we can physically do. Emma, I had to put nappy, puppy pads in her trousers to get her in the car to the A&E waiting room without her soaking her trousers. She couldn't just sit on the sofa without just flooding her trousers. At 12 years old, can you imagine? So hard. She must be wondering what the hell is going on. No. And then I said to Roxanne, like, I'm going to come with you. You can be there for Emba, but I need to, my sister was just emotionally exhausted because she's frightened. She's writing for Ember, she wants answers. So I went along with Roxanne. And to be honest with you,

the hospital were fantastic. Like, I can't fault them at all. Like, everything they went through, they went through all the medication that she'd already taken. We said that we've been to the GP, went through absolutely everything. And they were like, you're in the right place. Like, we can help. So bless her heart, they did give her an IV drip because she was really severely dehydrated and very anemic. Then she had the antibiotics as well. So they gave her everything. And then she had to stay overnight.

And I think that was a bit of a shock. I think Emba was like, oh, do I not just get to go home? Roxanne then was having a panic attack and was stressed about that. So I kind of said to the doctor, there's any chance I can just go home and get her some bits so that she's got some pajamas and a comfort from home. So she's not too scared. But I said, I am going to leave Roxanne with her.

And then I'll come back with them. stuff and the lady was like yeah of course we'll put a bed up for her and then that was it roxanne was like into a plastic bag i was like are you okay and she's like i can't believe you're here and you've got her to stay but i felt like i wasn't there for ember i felt like i was just there for roxan she must be so worried as emotional support so finally after long last we managed to get her a scan an ultrasound and there do you know what i and i don't want to use the wrong terminology and this is only because we've been to the doctors so there is something that's called endometriosis, which is what Roxanne has. Roxanne has endometriosis. I've got polycystic

ovaries. But there's also something called, and, I think it probably is the wrong pronunciation, but endometriosis, which endometriosis is on the outside, which can be removed, but and demetriosis is inside the lining. Of the womb? Yeah, which you can't do anything. You can't remove it. It just causes absolute agony. And I don't know whether that causes the blood not to be absorbed or whether that we've still got further testing to do on it. But she had an ultrasound and the guy checked everything over it. And I think I said to Roxanne, the priority here is that nothing is obvious that is seriously wrong with her. Because I think that was our worry.

But we are, it's not just there, but we have, they have given her lots of medication. So is there. Oh, how do you pronounce it? Maz has put it in there. Oh, adenomyosis. Adenomyosis. I have heard of that. Have you?

Yes. Which is on the inside. Is that what it is? Well, they're going to put her forward for testing for that because we had the ultrasound that showed nothing on the ultrasound. Right. But the guy was said there is also anodomiosis, I think, is it right? Isn't it? Yeah. Maz is going to nod. I could be wrong. Tissue grows within the muscular uterine wall. That's what they think it is. So they're going to put her forward for further testing. Is there anything you can do about that?

I don't think there is. Again, we are right at the start of the journey of this. The priority was one to check that there was nothing in there. obviously if you and me were bleeding for three months straight and passing massive, because she wasn't just bleeding, she was passing massive blood clods. The worst comes into your mind, doesn't it? I've been there. I've lived it myself when I was, you know, 19 to 23. I had a horrific time. And I was going to a place of worry. And it was a very scary time for me when I was going through it. But again, I kind of went through it a bit on my own because I didn't talk to Roxanne about it. I didn't really ever say too much to my mum about it. I kind of just dealt with it on my own. So I kind of went to a bit of a scary place with it

And I was like, we just need to get her to the hospital Like enough's enough now Yeah But they've managed to stop the bleeding She's had an ultrasound And nothing that they can see Physically on the ultrasound But they're putting her forward for some more testing

Which is they want to put it forward for To test, you know, to look out for these other bits But I just think that there is not much Me personally, if I was to now go on the internet and look for mums going through this with their 12-year-old child, there is nothing. And I'm not saying every girl is going to go through it. But when you are going through it, it's really fucking scary.

And like, had Roxanne have not told me and just kind of have suffered in silence for that, both of them were mentally and physically exhausted. And it's literally the most horrible thing to watch. But there is nothing out there that talks about this. And I can't imagine another mum sat at home. And I, me and Roxanne were like, oh, do I want to go to A&E because, oh God, it's just the period. Like it's just, yeah, but that's not just a period, is it? When you've been bleeding nonstop for three months.

You can't go out with your friends because you're like, like Roxanne suffers with endometriosis and I've grown up with Roxanne suffering. So I know how much pain it causes women. I've had polices to covries, but I've managed to deal with it in my way. But endometriosis wipes my sister out. Like it really, she really suffers with it. So I've learned to live with that and grow up with that. So when she says to me, I'm sorry, I'm having a bad endo day. I literally can't go.

I can't go out. And I'm like, fucking out. No, it would never make you go out. But I feel like if you say to somebody that isn't aware of this or is living it every day to say, sorry, I've got some really bad period pains. So when you go to school and you say to the PE teacher, sorry, can't do P, I've got the period. Yeah. And they go, oh, right. No one takes it seriously.

No one takes it seriously. And this is, there's not enough, there's not enough information, there's not enough awareness on it, that it's okay to, as an adult cancel plans because of period pains and that you're in discomfort and that you're uncomfortable and don't want to go out. It's okay to say it's your period because we went to A&E and we were like, we're going to the A&E for my niece's period or, you know, her daughter's period. And you feel so fucking stupid. But when you say to a doctor, she's been bleeding nonstop for three months. But they must think, shit. And they said to her, she should have come to us. Sooner.

We followed the protocol of the GP, you know. The GP said it wasn't DMHSA. But I can't believe no one took it more seriously. And it wasn't even like a normal period that you can manage with sanitary products. She couldn't walk around. She couldn't go to school. She must have missed so much. She's missed loads.

Can't go out for friends. Can't get in a car. Like that's not normal. Everywhere we went, she had to sit on a seat. So if we, she was having a good day of bleeding, we could take her out. But we had to have her, like we went to Everly's football tournament, her youngest sibling, my youngest niece. she had to sit on a chair

and she's, she's quiet and she's a reserved little girl anyway she's not the most confident, you know, she's painfully shy so to have all of this going on she'd just be sat in the corner like on a chair by us and you turn around and look at her

and be like, oh were you okay? And she's like a little smile and you just think fuck this is destroying her life and this is honestly destroying her life but again it's not enough emphasis I just don't think on, like when we went to the doctors at the hospital I just said,

look I feel awful coming down but it is her period but she cannot stop bleeding. Like there has to be something we can do because this is just not normal. And like when we speak to the doctor, the doctor was like regardless of if it's your period or a cut on your arm is bleeding. Yeah.

She should never feel embarrassed, never ever say. Because I think people just go, oh God, what are you on your period? Sometimes it is a joke and I get that. You know, I'm not that sensitive to it. But I think also there's a lot of misconception that some people really suffer with their periods. Yeah.

And I just don't think there's enough or awareness on that, especially as well for young women. Yes. As we know, there's not enough research done into women's health problems. And this is where we are. She gets into a situation like this where she doesn't know what's wrong with her. She's bleeding nonstop. No one knows what's wrong with her.

I hope they can do something to sort it out. There's also, they're putting forward for, obviously, for testing for some other bits and this. But also, again, what I didn't know is there is a syndrome where you don't stop. Is it a syndrome? Well, your blood doesn't clot. Yes. What's the name of that? Hemophiliac.

I think it's hemophilia. Is it? Is it? It's where you bleed a lot. Everyone's not, yeah. So they're going to test her for that because they said it might just be. Yeah, your blood doesn't clot. Yeah.

And you can't treat that. You can treat that. But again, like, I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know that. And you, and I always think, oh, it's only me and Roxanne, like, Pudel and obviously Richie, but we're in the two girls, you know, period stuff, we don't tend to go to Richie about it, although Richie is fantastic because he, Richie's like my yin-yang. So when I'm

helping Roxanne, I'll always go to Richie to like calm my mind in that sometimes I think so like, I'll go blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I don't actually think about my thought rationally. So I popped into Richie and I was like, look, I've told Roxanne and Ember that we're going to A&E. I'm going to meet them down there. They had a little bit of a longer journey, but Richie lives closer to me. I just went in and I was like, dude, I know you know everything that's going on. I just need you to tell me that my thought process is rational and I am doing the right thing. And he's great because he talks about it and he wants to talk about it and he wants to know as much as he knows and understands. And we're very open, the three of us to talk to each other.

But I just don't think you get prepared for the seven children that we've created between us. We just think, oh yes, just you and me plodding on free life. Yeah. Fuck, we're responsible for all these children. 17 to 2. There's seven of them. There is so much. And you just never know. There's such stressful thing about kids. It's like you never know what's going to happen. You always just think they're going to be fine. They're going to be all right. I'm going to poodle along.

And as something comes up and you're like, oh shit. Yeah. I've got to deal with this now. Yeah, exactly. There's nothing more stressful. So we've walked away. We've got appointments for how to go to hospital. I have some other testing done.

But the bleeding has stopped. Good. With a lot of medication. She's on like eight medications a day to try and stop it. But the bleeding has stopped. But some normal life has resumed there, which is so. lovely. We've had a wonderful, we've had a wonderful time now. She's able to go out. We've been to London since she's stopped bleeding and we're having a jolly old time. She's been out for dinner.

She's seen her friends. She managed to go back to school for the last day. Oh, the last day. Just to say hello and goodbye to her friends for two weeks. But it's heartbreaking. It's so hard. And it must have affected the whole family as well because you can't all be like, oh, we're going off out now, I'm just leaving her at home. Do you know what I mean? We were so incredibly lucky. Also, James was working really locally to home. So he was able to do school runs. Chris was obviously covering R3 because I was with Roxanne. Have you? Because they've got three other kids to worry about as well.

Yeah, yeah, they've got the big ones. Yeah. Luckily Eden, bless her heart. She's on a coach. So she's, she's sorted. Tobias can walk home from school. So it's mainly just Everly who needs a lift. It was an army.

Bloody hell. And then just as I thought, fuck me. I'm going to take a little snoozy snooze. Then school called me. We need you to come to school immediately. Colby's had an accident. Oh, I could hear him wailing at the back of the phone. I thought, fuck me, what has happened.

It wasn't even 12 hours, honey, so I'd left the hospital. Left A&E. I was still in the same clothes that I'd already left A&E in that day. And I went up the school, Colby's in a wheelchair, leg is out. No. He's got an ice pack on there. He is screaming. I don't know.

I'm dried up. I'm the Sahara in here. I've got no more tears to cry. I've cried too much in the last 24 hours. I've got nothing left. So I just said to me, okay, and he's like, no, mom, my knee, she took the ice pack off. Don't. His knee was fucking huge.

No. There was the bruises over the shin, bruise up the side, bruises along his path. What'd he done? I couldn't, he was hyperventilating too much. The teacher said what we've got out of him is that he was playing chase in the playground and they had like a flower bed in the middle of the playground that's got like wooden pillars all around it, like to create like a nice little flower bed, but they were playing tag. So he thought to get away from them, he would just jump up. But bear in mind it's like what fetage is this?

How many rulers is that? Oh, let's do another guess. 60 centimetres. Two feet? They range from there to like three. So they just are all standard. So we thought, oh, just jump on that flower bed. No, no, no.

Slipped. He slipped before he got to it, shunted his whole knee, full power into this wood. And I was like, right, okay. So I said to Chris, I picked him up from school, drove him home, got Chris to assess it in the car and he's like, what do you want to do? I said, well, he can't bend his leg. I was trying to get him to bend his leg. Every time he bent his leg, he screamed. I was like, what if I'm doing him more damage?

I'm just going to leave the leg. I'm going to take him to A&E. Because he was beside him. He was white as well. I was like, and he was going to be mum. I think I'm going to vomit. And I was like, that's it. He's gone into shock.

He's going into shock. It was honestly hell. So got to A&E. Looney went. You did know Ember's been discharged? Yeah. Yes, I'm back. Got my own child now.

Before I make this a full circle moment. She was like, we really did provide a great service. I said, honey, you don't even need to tell me. Can't keep me away. So I had to go back in again. See the same doctors all in A&E again because when I checked in with Ember the day before, that was their shift,

then the night staff came in, then the day shift came. They're back on again. I was back in. It was back in with that. It must have been like deja vu. The whole same team. Again, they were wonderful.

Colby at Blessers Heart had to go for an x-ray. Everything, fingers crossed, come back great. He hasn't broken his leg. Well, there's a lump under his kneecap. She said can be quite common when children are growing, that it's an extra bit of bone. It's not tends to be in both legs. They don't tend to be symmetrical.

But she said there's nothing that's broken off or chipped off of the bone that's there. But he's just got to have an extra x-ray on the lump that's under his knee. But I can find the swelling has gone down. And he can move his leg? He can move his leg. He is running. He's doing all the bits that he needs to be doing.

And yeah, just has a bright green leg. I'm talking like half the shin to the top of his car. It's green. You know one of them really compressioned socks? Is that what it looks like? You know one of them massive? Do you know what they are? That compresses it in.

Obviously, I've worn him that. I said, fuck, I've put a mouldy one on his leg. Because I put an adult one on and it was like the whole length of his leg. I thought it'd made his leg mouldy because I'd never use it when it was in the cupboard because I took it off. And from there up, it's all green. Front to back. He's just got a green leg. He's yellow and green.

It's mental. And I was like, oh God, do you think he's allergic to it? And Chris was like, no. This is bruise. Just fucking hit it. so hard that it is bruised. Oh my God. So after all of that,

got myself a litre of gin and just... I was going to say, what was the next thing? Bloody hell. Nothing. Nothing else has happened. That's it. Oh my God, mate. That's a lot, isn't it?

You've been through it. Fuck me. It was too much. That was the first week of the school holiday. I was going to say, yeah, happy Easter. Not just that. The week of the school holidays, we had sickness and diarrhea. as we were breaking up.

So every other day Colby was in then school would ring me Oh, I need to pick him up His temperature's still too hot He'd go into school for like 15 minutes For assembly And then I'd have to go and pick him up Oh for fuck sake

That lasted for eight days Jesus Christ I bet you can't wait to have two weeks off Well two weeks off I'm enjoying it thoroughly I'm really living large It's not two weeks off of you I'm pissed most days

I'm pissed now I'm not going on. I think I'd just nod off it On the train Come in here is like a holiday Isn't it? Really is Really is a holiday.

Oh my God. So that was my week. How was yours? Don't worry about me. If had a second birthday, a 90th birthday, been on holiday to Centre Park because I had a new car. That's the end. That's the end.

Everyone's great. Everyone's great. Gigi's still going strong. We've had a lot to catch up on because we say it's been like three weeks. Yeah. Yes. So it's March madness for us with the birthdays. We have Stefan's mum.

Then two days later it's Stefan's nephew. Two days later it's Sadie. Fuck. A couple of days later it's my granddad. He was 90. And then tomorrow it's, it's my dad. Jesus Christ.

And then later in April we got Luca. So it's like a whole span of I'm bashing out the moon pigs, left right and centre. You all have sex at the same time. Let me tell you. Yes, everyone's ovulating at some point. Everyone's, yeah, sexing and doing bits. June. Yeah.

But Sadie's birthday was lovely. That was, we went to centre parks. Yeah, how was that? Seney peas was great. It was that week that the weather was really nice. Which I think just makes such a difference when you're there because obviously you've got like the pool and stuff that you can do indoors. But when you can spend your afternoons, out on the green there, by the

lake having a little bevy and the kids were all playing like rugby and football outside it just it makes it so much easier it was yeah it was lovely and i think it's my favorite year that we've gone because we've gone when joseph's been two three and now four yeah and sadie obviously was like in my tummy then one then two and this has been my favorite year i think it's the year that they've got the most out of it or she obviously loves it because she's just like game for anything and then joseph as we know has been like a little bit reluctant to get involved in things in the past but this year he was actually like actively going in the pool and like we actually got him down some slides and we had bike seats for them both which they really got into so it just makes life

so much easier when you're not kind of like trying to coerce him to do stuff and be like this will be fun honestly and there were some other kids there that were like around his age like four or five the other the other boys and girls so they played really nicely together this year so it was just like a really nice yeah just like a really nice year that I was like this just feels like what it's supposed to be like. So that was really nice. Yeah, you can actually enjoy it. Sometimes when you're locked in at centre parks, when it's rainy, you feel quite trapped.

You're just home from home, aren't you? And you're just trying to think, oh, another activity I can do to keep them busy. So we were really lucky with the weather. The sleeping situation was a shit show because we only had a two-bedroom chalet. So we took too long to book it. We were two last minute booking it, which inevitably will happen again next year because that's just who me and Stefan are. We're not going to change her anybody, okay?

But Joseph had his own room, which he was like a bit freaked out by it. So he didn't sleep super well because he was in like a twin pushed together. And then Sadie's cot, we tried a combination of like... In with Joseph? Well, no, putting her in our room and then shimminging her out into the living room when we went to bed. That lasted for one night and I said to Stefan, fuck this. We're doing one in with each child. So then we'd take it in turns.

One sleeping in with Jojo. One sleeping in with Sadie. But we didn't get a lot of sleep the whole week. Then we came home, quick turn around on the washing and the packing, went down to West Wales for Stefan's nephew 16th. Wow. So we had a lovely little celebration for him. And then the next day we said his second birthday.

So I said to his mom, whip up another birthday cake, quick. Come on. We've got another one tomorrow. And then a few days later, it was my grand, my GD's 90th, which I couldn't make it to. Because they obviously had the celebration at my mum and dad's house. So I didn't make it down there. Because you were in Wales. I know I've selfishly moved to Wales.

I'm too far away. But I do feel like I want to get down and see them soon because I haven't been back since Christmas. That's wild, isn't it? And it's just trying to work out the schedule with me and Stefan and his work and nursery and stuff it's just a bit complicated but um i facetined in and do you know what he wanted for his birthday the only thing he wanted where they took him oh and McDonald's i know that's the cutest thing the holiday i know he wanted a fillet a fish and an apple and i know honestly he's such a granddad and an apple pie and that's what they had and he loved it fucking how that's adorable

i know i know i'll tell gg r come and visit him if you can't get down i'll go see him take him a filial fish. Do they, does he know they do a double? Do they? He wouldn't... I would say he wouldn't have the appetite for it, to be honest. But I said to Joseph on his birthday, should we call Gigi today? It's his 90th birthday. And you know I've been talking about Joseph being obsessed with death. He said, is he going to be dead? I said, on the phone, just stick to happy birthday.

Yeah, maybe on this one, just happy birthday, Gigi. Hello, Gigi, you dead? You dead yet? You dead yet? You dead yet? I'd text it to my mum and to the group, family group, WhatsApp at our fault, are they going to think that's a bit savage? It is my dad's after all. They were a bit like, oh, I roll. Classic Joseph.

Classic Joseph. But now I'm pleased to report. He's still alive and well. Go on, Gigi. I know, and he's 90. So there we go. Your week sounds delicious. Yeah.

It's been really nice. It's been really nice. And then I got everyone was like, I've been given a free car from Schoda. Skoda. They kindly lent me a car for a week, which is absolutely fantastic. Everyone thought it was yours.

And everyone was like, wow, you've been given a car. And I was like, I wish. You've really made it, Emma. Yeah. Wow. They're like, wow, that's yours. And I was like, for a week. But yeah, fab to have a lovely, I've never had anything like a new car.

So it's just absolutely, I felt like an absolute baller. You look like a baller. Riding around the countryside. In your scoda. Yeah. The kids are like, white car, white car. Then when it went, they were like, got to get back in that fucking Persia. A heap of shit.

What a heap of a shit? Who took our car or someone stole our car? It's actually quite cruel. It's quite cruel of them to take it away. Yeah, I agree. But we loved it while it lasted. I would have got the children to just cry at them and like hold onto their legs. Really guilt tripper.

Yeah. Take pity on us. But yeah, that's my week. Oh, let's wrap it up. Sorry, I took all the catch-up time. You've had a lot going on to be fair. Sorry, honey. Your week sounds beautiful though.

No, it's been really nice. Yeah, busy but nice. Wonderful birthday. Yeah. Oh, what a jury. Yeah, Lala. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club.

You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us. Respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mom. or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. It's time for another.

Correspondence corner! I'm a celebrity. Get me out of her. Are you watching the South Africa one? No, no, me neither. I'll tell you what I have been watching. We can't talk about it though because we're Captain Time on this episode. Join me next week when I talk about The Hunt. Oh, okay.

Have you watched it? No. It's terrestrial television though. Is it? Yeah. It's not a movie. It's not Netflix terrestrial. Do you know what I started watching something on the other day?

Channel 5. Fucking, I was on Channel 4. The Hunt's on Channel 4. I felt well naughty being on Channel 4. This was really suffice. Hello. Hello, Channel 4. I wasn't on the show.

I would have loved to have been, though. It looked really fun. Did it say sign up? I thought, oh, next year. It's running for a woods. I'm not really a good runner to be. But anywho. Take it away, my girly.

All right, this one says, hi both. I'm replying to the listener who wanted advice about the end of maternity leave before returning to work full time. So this was the lady who was going to put her son into nursery. And how she was going to cope, what to do, how to feel every bit. I went back to work full-time, five days in the office where my little one was nine months old. My little one started full-time nursery at nine months and he settled brilliantly. The nursery mentioned that often full-time little ones actually settle quicker because of the repetition. Within two weeks, he was reaching for his key worker at drop-off.

Yes, I was devastated seeing him reaching for someone else, but also relieved that he was happy. I was ready to return to work but not ready to leave my little one and I think it's important to remember that two things can be true at once. The worry almost ruined my last month of maternity leave. I felt guilty for looking forward to going back to work. Sadly, I don't know what I could have done differently in that moment to reassure myself, but looking back now, everything has worked out brilliantly. Go gently, take it one day at a time.

Be open with your partner and with your workplace. Reflect and make adjustments if things aren't working, but give it time. I'd be happy to chat with the mum if she'd like to. I really don't think there's enough support for mum's returning to work and it's easy to fall into the trap of expecting yourself to parent like you don't work and work like you don't have kids. Camilla, that is so true. You should be on here giving advice really. Honestly, you've hit the nail on the head.

That was absolutely beautifully written. You see that all the time, don't you? You're supposed to a parent like you don't work and work like you don't have kids. That's so true. Yeah, so true. It is hard. It is hard. And I was going to say, not everybody has the luxury to stay at home.

And yes, it is a luxury to stay at home and be able to be a stay-at-home mom. But also there's a lot of people that don't want to. And it's okay to not want to stay at home, but also feel sad that they go into nursery and sad you're going back to work. Society will make you feel shit no matter what you do. They'll make you feel shit for staying at home. They'll make you feel shit for putting your child in nursery and enjoying going back to work.

You just, you can't. Even if you want to put your baby into nursery and be at home. Yeah. To get your housework done. Do whatever you do. That equally is perfect. Yeah. Yeah.

And it totally makes sense that like they settle quicker if they're in full time. Because actually they then know what to expect. Every day is the same. And they love routine. And like, you know, repetition. It works out better, I think, full time. Or, you know, like if it's always like a morning every single day. Yeah.

Yeah. If you didn't go for the full, four days. Yeah. They don't like not knowing what to expect. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree. Oh, Camilla. Thank you so much. That's lovely advice. She said.

I know, she'll speak to the mum. We'll see if we can hook you up. Call me. I'll talk to you. Can we have you on speed, doll. Yeah. You give great advice. Thanks, Camilla, so much.

So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be. or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. What was that thing that everyone used to do? Oh, the back to front.

We don't have time. Stop fucking around. Stop fucking around. We can't do it anyway. We're crunch. Crunchy crunch. It's that way, isn't it? Just quickly.

It's like the upside down eyes, but my hands aren't flexible enough to do it. Oh, you can do it. It's ambidestrous. ambidextrous. Or just like hyper-flexible. Yeah, one of those. Anywho, are you ready for my secret of the week? Go.

It's a quick one, quick, sharp fire round. You want an update on the dummy. Yes. Are you ready? I genuinely don't know. What are you saying, what you have is in your bets? I think he's stuck with him. Do you?

Yeah. Stuck with it or got rid it? Stuck with the dummy or he's had it back? Got rid? Maz. Baby, has you got the dummy? Got rid. I wasn't here then.

I don't know what you're talking about. We're a whole house that's got rid. Yes. And drum roll. The dummy is gone! Yes, I thought you were going to say he's back. By the time he listens to it, it's three weeks now, by the time you listen to it, it'll be four weeks.

Bloody hell. And no, absolutely no dummy. Nothing asked about it, not called for it, not wanted it. He sleeps like a dream. He is talking. And I'll tell you what, something that I've noticed is how much happier he is without it. Really? Like he's like he was pined for the dummy and it's made him cry more because he wants it.

But now he doesn't have it. He doesn't need it. He's talking and bathy. And he takes himself for wee-wee's. No. Stop it. Wee-wee's on the toilet. Yeah, wee-wee's coming.

Oh my gosh. So have you taken napses off? No. Well, he has pants during the day when we're at home. But if we go out, he has a napy on. But he does say we-wee's and he has to sit on a massive, ginormous toilet. Yeah. I feel like we've just had everything in a whole steam train ahead.

Wow, you've really jumped ahead. We've really jumped head. That's amazing. I'm so proud of him. He will look dead in your eyes, though, when he's taking his shit in his neckie. Okay. Just so you know. No, he'll stand in the middle of the lounge and you're just,

and you're like, oh, yeah. Poo-poo's and he's like, no! I love it when it couldn't be more obvious and you go, you turn a poo and they go, no. Or they stink and I go, have you got a poo in your nappy? And she goes, no. Or they walk like this, don't then? And they go, you got a poo in there, no.

Yes, and it's hanging down so low. Like, and they'd be grow up, no. Or shouldn't they hold a cheer? No. Why don't they just say yes? I think you're having a poo. Yeah. No.

Yeah, something's telling me. Stop talking. Something's telling me you're having a shit. Shit. That kills me, that one does. Oh, so funny. Yeah, why do they deny it? I don't know.

And they don't want to get changed. The poo is a bit gooey though, isn't it? The poo is a hard one. Yeah, I wonder when he'll start doing those on the toilet? Don't know. To be fair, though, I'm not actually pushing the toilet. No. He was just out the other day and he was playing with water, so I just put him in a, you know, one of them,

UBVC suits? What? Like a puddle suit? That is not a UPVC. Not like a leather. What's a pet suit? No. Like nipple tassel.

Brittany. Oops, I did it again, but it's just like a toy store. It's not even a puddle suit. It's like a swimsuit, but it's one for the UV race. Oh, right. Yes. Because it was a hot day in the garden.

So I just put him in one of those. Yeah. And he evidently didn't take it off, but just sat on the potty and peed through it. So I was like, oh, that would do. Oh, well, basically, that's what they're meant for anyway, isn't it? But he likes to have the potty. He goes on the big toilet because I did get him a potty ages ago. Yeah.

And I've had it in the garden. The potty now comes indoors and it'll just take away in the middle of the kitchen. On the potty. On the potty. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Just mid-dinner.

Yeah. Rather than just go to the toilet. Yeah. It's just sit in the middle of the kitchen. Yeah, yeah. It's always in the middle of dinner. Because I put it out in the garden for when the days are nice so that he can just. Yeah.

Oh, he's doing so well. Yeah. That's amazing. Although I did find one in my pocket the other day. We were walking. You said you'd found them all. No. So I put a coat on.

It was like more of a summary coat. Went into the pocket. found a dummy. I was actually like this. She's down the street. What dummy? Mid-shopping centre. Fuck!

No one look. Keep walking. Keep walking. Dotty calls it a candle. A candle. Oh no. You found another candle. Code word.

He must think, why? She got so many candles in her pockets. The panic of when you have one and you think they're going to see it. You're like, what? Nothing to see it. Fuck you. Oh, amazing. Well, I'm so happy for him and you.

That's a real big step. You're sleeping better without her. Honestly, it's brilliant. Yeah. We are getting, we're making, we're making steps. She's doing really well at not having it in the day and doesn't ask for it anymore. That's huge in the day.

So it's just at night and not at nursery at all, not even for her nap. Mad, isn't it? I don't know, they're working some magic shit there. They are. I don't know what they're doing. No, it's not. No drugs.

No drugs here. So there we go. That's my secret this week. And after this short break, we're going to be sharing some of yours. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So fly away with my number one.

All right, hello ladies. I need some advice. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine you could do the whole secret that far Yeah, sped up though Yeah So if someone listens to the podcast on like 1.5

It would sound nuts Fuck with That anchor man Okay I need some advice My little one is coming up to her first birthday And I'm so excited We're having all the family over

Which includes several kids age two to six Something I'm feeling anxious about Is that I've noticed my cousin's kids Like to help open gifts They don't really understand the concept of birthday parties yet. Earlier this year, I watched them completely take over the present opening at another party for my cousin's one-year-old. So how do I handle this? I don't want to be the mean aunt who doesn't let them help, but I also want my baby to have her moment to open her

gifts. Since she'll only be one, I imagine it might take a while anyway. She might get distracted or lose interest, maybe it won't even matter. I know the kids mean well and aren't being malicious. My cousin is usually quite overwhelmed and doesn't really intervene. She just sort of shouts until someone says, it's okay. I also struggle with feeling overprotective of my baby and her boundaries so I sometimes worry I take things too far, Carly. Hmm. This one is a tricky one. I think it's really understandable that you want her to do it.

I mean, even if you're like, she's one, she literally can't open a present. You still want her to like have her moment and not be bulldozed. Yes. I don't know if anybody else could film you or you could say to me, could you film her while she's opening their presents? And then you sit on the floor with her. Yeah, you help. And then if the babies come close, you can then say, oh, just sit back a little bit so that she can

open them. Yeah. And you're, oh, you're more than welcome to sit there, but you just make sure you don't cover the camera. Yes. You know, things like that. I think it's depends how old they are. Yeah, I would say when they were one, obviously I've got Colbson Dot, haven't I? And they just rip everything open. Yeah, but I think it's different. Because I only has zero interest in opening a gift. No. Doesn't want to open it. But I think it's different when it's their siblings, don't you? Like, I don't mind Joseph overstepping as much because I'm like, well, well, I can tell him and he's her brother. And he, like, we had this recently, obviously, with her birthday and he wants to rip everything open straight away. He's like, how about the next one?

How about the next one? Can I do the card? Can I do the envelope? And I can say to him, just wait a minute. Let's say it. Is her birthday, is her present? But it's harder with cousins, isn't it? She don't piss them on the other. I would just try and think of if I was to say it to Roxanne's, you know? But they, they don't, everly, maybe would sit there and be like, oh, she'd rip a little corner and blow. But that would be only on the gifts that she bought him. Yes. She would open the corner to and help him. Yeah. But he has no interest whatsoever in opening a gift.

Yeah. He got his scooter for his birthday. No fuck's given on anything else. Didn't want to open it. Yeah. Stop putting that in my face. Not even the paper. No.

No. No. Just get me my scooter. He rode over most of the presents with his scooter. Didn't give a shit. Didn't want none of it. That's my guy. I think you're well within your rights to say.

Any chance we could just sit back or why doesn't everybody gather around in a circle and we're going to. And we'll watch. And you can watch me and baby open the presents. Yes. Yeah. I think it's absolutely fine. to say, oh, just let so and so do it.

And you can like make them feel involved by being like, do you want to, here's a bit you can pull and rip, but then fuck off. You know? It's hard. I think you can say it. And I think if you don't, you'll regret it because you'll look back and be like, oh, she didn't get to open any of her presents.

I think sometimes it's worth being honest because otherwise, yeah, you don't want to look back and regret it and feel sad. And I know it's hard to talk about it, but it's better to talk than not to say anything. I agree. Yes. Yeah. Wonderful. Yes.

You're absolutely fine. But you're, yeah, I was going to say you're definitely safe here and that you are right in wanting to say something. Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah, agreed. Good luck with her birthday. Yes. I hope she has the best first birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to baby. Okay, this one says, hi, Syph and Emma. I have my beautiful baby Isabel five months ago and she truly is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm absolutely loving watching her grow and develop into her own little person. The thing is, my period has just returned and it's made me feel unexpectedly emotional. It feels like that really special. chapter of being pregnant and living in the postpartum bubbles come to an end and I'm not quite sure how to process it. I know I won't be having another baby and I do feel at peace with that but there's something about the finality of my body returning to normal that's been a bit hard hard on my heart. I wondered if either of you or any listeners have ever felt something similar. I think I hoped breastfeeding might keep that phase going a little longer but here we are Haley somewhere in Wyrshire. It's hard. It is hard when the period comes back. Yeah, the period

coming back and also is for me it was like a little bit of closure. Like when you put that pair of jeans on, you know, it didn't really happen after Renly, but even if it's a week, two weeks, two years, 10 years, when you put that pair of jeans on that you've had in the drawer for maybe one day if you do wear them again. And the one day you put them on and they fit and you just think, oh, I'm back to normal now. That chapter's over. Yeah, that chapter's closed now. Or when you try and wear different things or something does change in your life that you think, oh, or you put your, you find your maternity leggings. Yeah. It's creased in the back. back of the draw and you get them out and you think, oh, yeah. I don't feel like that feeling ever goes away. No. No. And it's hard when you don't have control over it. Like your period will just come back whenever it wants.

And I feel like you'll never be ready for that. And I always thought that breastfeeding would keep it away. But as we know now, that's not true. It can come back whenever. And I just think, I feel weird even now when I get my period. Like every month when I get my period or I know I'm ovulating, hormones just do crazy things to you, don't they? And every 28 days, I'm like, I'll have a.

period of being like, oh my God, I feel really maternal. I feel like I want to try and have another baby again. Like the changes it puts your body through are crazy. Then I actually get my period and I'm like, no, what was I thinking last week? I don't want to have another baby. Who was that person? Like it just, you can't control how it makes you feel and it's nuts. It's horrible. And there's no way of explaining it, is there? But I feel like it comes with everything like the, it always falls into a cycle. Like this is the first bit of the cycle of like the last baby grow or the last time you breastfeed them. It doesn't, and not to be the bearer of bad news, it doesn't get any easier.

You just learn to manage it, don't you? And you go through. But it's always about talking to somebody about it. Yeah. Like always talk about it and always say to somebody and it's okay to cry. It's okay to cry. Like now I cry. I cried about, I've cried most days about the dummy.

Have you? Because I'm just like, that's, every photo in my camera roll goes from Renly with the dummy all the way through and then it's just a line. Oh God, it's even going to make me sad now. It's just a line in my camera roll. And that's the end of another chapter. And it's not like, he's not going to have it back. Like, that's it now for the dummy.

And it's like when you go for your memories on your phone, you just see them like when they're newborn and then you get to the bit where they sat up and you're like, fuck, where did my lion baby go? And they're sat up and then they're bold and then they go to a line and they've got hair and it's hard. Yeah. It's really hard. Yeah.

But I just feel like it's always something to talk about. And you'll never, ever, ever alone. You're never alone. I think sometimes these feelings can make you feel a bit crazy. Yeah. But just know that someone else is feeling the same way. Yeah. We are.

Yeah. It's an exclusive club. Yeah. We're all in it. Yeah. But no, you're doing fantastic. Yeah. And I would love to say there was an easier way to,

it's not even about being normal because I wouldn't even say who I am now was, who I was when I first fell pregnant or before Colbert, you know, before all the children. I'm not the same person now as I was. Before I fell pregnant with Rennelly. let alone before I fell pregnant with Dot, I've gone through like a whole cycle of the new me through having all three children. And it's just finding yourself,

but do I think there's a normal no? But I think that's what makes us all so wonderfully beautiful, is that there isn't a general normal. No, but you get used to your new normal. You get used to what works best for you. And cry every night like I do. Yeah. Don't go through your camera role either when you're due on your period

or during your period or even a couple of days after your period has stopped. Because I spend most times doing that. Yeah. And that's really fucking gut-ranging. I don't know. I don't know. You have a bad day and you think, oh, God, I've been really shit today.

And then you go through your camera roll and then you're like, fuck him. I'm going to wake him up and hug them. I've been so shit today. And then they wake up in the morning, they're like, er! You're like, oh, that's why I can't wait for bed tonight. That's a prick.

Yeah. But no, it's completely normal. Yeah. God bless you, my love. Right. Should we have our last one? Okay. Hello, ladies.

My little girl, Florence, has just turned one. Since starting solids, her nappies have been something else. I'm sure you can both relate. Yes. She poos a lot at least three times a day. Oh, Flores. Come on, Flory. A few weeks ago, I changed her nappie and noticed a strange object in her poo. It was large and round, and I thought, what earth has she been eating? So I went in for a closer inspection and started poking at it to try and work out what it was. To my absolute horror, it suddenly exploded, showering hot, unidentified liquid all over my face. Turns out it was an undigested blueberry.

Yes, I had blueberry poo all over my face. But strangely, as I was changing her in our newly redecorated lounge, my first thought was, please tell me that didn't go on the new cream sofa. I grabbed a wet wipe in a panic and cleaned my face, then inspected the sofa, which thankfully had a scaved unscathed. I told my husband who couldn't stop laughing. I then carried on with my day and even popped to the shop. It wasn't until a few hours later that I looked in the mirror.

Oh, sorry, she had blueberry poo. And saw two streaks of purple liquid on my forehead. Oh. I'd been walking around all afternoon with blueberry poo on my face. My husband hadn't even noticed. Oh, for God's sake. Honestly, definitely one of my lowest points is a parent, love Sarah. Oh, Sarah.

He just pulled his finger out. That is iconic, honey. Honestly, I mocked Stefan for not being observant, but fucking hell. I think you've noticed if I had blueberry pill on my face. I've walked around with baby poo in my hair To which someone asked me in the queue of Tesco's While I was holding nappies and formula I had baby poo in my hair under my nails

I'd already eaten it while sat in the queue I think it was even on my neck Until a woman turned around I went Are you all right? No I'm fucking not all right I haven't slept for fucking two weeks I was shit in my hair I've just had poo

I'm fucking buying nappies Cause shit all over my lounge So no I'm not fucking okay But thank you for asking I really appreciate it. So no. It's when it gets under your nails and then you eat something later that day

or you smell something and you think, oh, that hasn't gone, is it? That's still in there. I bet it. Oh, that is not food. That is not the time out that he just ate 10 minutes ago. That is shit.

Shate. It's the fact that his poo is like fully brown. When they go to fully brown, yellow you could have got away that. You've gone, I don't remember eating any form of yellow food. My big baby. around, I know. Yeah, it's baby poo.

Now you're like, oh fuck now you can send time out. I must have got a bit of chocolate. Poo! Thank you Sarah. I'm glad the sofa was... Eating your own pool or someone else's poo. I think your babies is probably top of the list for okay. Not were, yeah.

I was going to say, I think I'd rather eat baby poo than my own poo. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I'm glad the sofa was all right because that... Yeah, that would be my first concern as well. And glad you wore poo round the shop. Yeah. Love that for you.

So thank you. you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at SecretMumPod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Has a pooey blueberry exploded on you? Or have you dined out on Undernail Pooh. Oh. That was hard to say. That's a lot of words that was. I have multiple times on the reg. Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. up!