Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Amsterdam Bear

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

No one wants the responsibility of looking after a class bear, but one Mum tells us how she ended up showing their bear a brand-new world! We also hear about a toilet contraption that should be on everyone's shopping list, and the ladies find out there's a new name for tampons. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and welcome to your thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend shall we jump on in let's let's do it it's time for another correspondence corner you keep dropping on that you keep i'm trying to like mix it up drop it on the bass no don't fix what's not broken you keep dropping that bass you're like correspondence and try and jazz it up is it because of our voices yeah we're both a bit sexual sultry today i want to sex you up so emma do you want to roll in with number one all right this one is from anonymous it says hey ladies i've been catching up on missed podcasts and came across the fufu sideburns

i had my twins in february last year and the c-section was such a blur i couldn't ever explain it to someone but hearing emma speak about her c-section with sadie put me straight back on the operating table oh i don't know if that's a good thing or not it was the most bizarre experience feeling helpless when my twins were taken away to be checked and i'm trying to hear their cries and wanting to know everything is okay but not being able to feel anything the anesthetist was speaking to me throughout but i couldn't even tell you a word he said as i felt so woozy thank you for explaining it so perfectly oh that's lovely yeah it is a total blur i'm glad i explained it well for you i hope it didn't bring back too many um triggering memories but yeah it's a total total whirlwind even when it's an elective c-section just like so wild i don't think things like this

were ever prepared for no like i don't as much as you prepare for an elected cesarean i don't think you're prepared enough no nothing could have prepared me for how just like fast and crazy and insane and like overwhelming it all was even like an induction in induction labor even even naturally labor in general yeah even like you know, start contracting to go into birth, to go into labor naturally. Yeah. I don't think you're ever prepared for that. Because it's something you've never experienced before. So your body's just like, what the hell?

What the fuck is going on? Yeah. Yeah. It is a wild experience. It is a wild experience. But I hope you're okay. And I hope you found some comfort in listening back. Yeah, I hope so. Because you've I hope you found some comfort in listening back.

Yeah, I hope so. Because you've come so far, you know. Twins. Isn't it funny how far, when you listen back, it makes you remember how far you've actually come yourself. Because hers was February last year. Yeah. So that's what it means.

She's got some 18-month-olds. Yeah, they're over one now. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Crazy. Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate you. Yeah, thank you. Okay, i really appreciate you yeah thank you okay

we've got a message from abby she says ladies i had to share this with you i was casually scrolling while my kids were going wild around the house when i saw an ad for a toilet tool this is a bit of you this is oh is it it reminded me of your glow sticks and poo knives you say your you mean savina's emma just doesn't like to tell us about her poo mishaps i don't poo it's a chocolate starfish wiper complete with ability to grab a toilet wipe for an even deeper clean it could be a godsend when you're struggling to reach around when pregnant oh hang on a second okay it's a plastic stick that folds so it's like oh okay and it has a grabber on one end and a button to control it oh stop it's a plastic stick that folds so it's like oh okay and it has a grabber on one end and a

button to control it oh stop it like a litter picker do you know like litter pickers like a lever so you hold the stick from the front you hold the stick from the front to the back yeah you're not meant to front wipe wipe front to back and then you put it around back to front put it round to your bum while it's grabbing the piece of tissue and you wipe. You can wipe either way with a stick. Front to back or back to front. Picks up the tissue for you and wipes your ass. Where is it picking up the tissue from?

Is it just the toilet? You pick up the toilet roll with the grabber handle. Over here? Yeah. And then you put it round to your bum. It's basically like an extension of your arm. It's wiping your assse in a normal way, but with an arm extender on,

like a bionic woman. I don't know. I've got so many questions. I might have to order one of these. Can we get them on Amazon? This is giving us more questions than answers, Abby. I might have to test it out. Give it a trial run.

It does sound like a bit of you, doesn't it, that? Yeah. Tell you what, your birthday's coming up. I'll treat you. We'll give it a go. Thank you. I'll get you one if you get me one. We'll the toilet here and i'll try it out i'll show you my chocolate starfish wiper if you show me is it called a chocolate starfish wiper that's what

abby calls it oh i don't know if that's the brand name oh i was gonna say i thought that was a brand name i was gonna say staying on brand oh how oh thanks abby thank you yeah it's very very on brand for us thank you maybe you could live all right one last letter here hi both on my way home from work as a clinic nurse for the nhs i like to unwind by listening to you thank you hearing the fake willie story made me feel so much better mostly because my six-year-old calls a tampon a minge stick love from emily emily just cut it there she calls it a minge stick the end over and out oh my god i love that yeah but imagine going to school and be like the mum's using the minge sticks again this is about the um woman who was using a tampon and her son pointed out in the toilet mum using the fake willy again which made it look like she was using

a public toilet in front of her child yeah oh minge stick i might i might adopt that one you don't like binge i know i like the word minge oh what don't you like that's one of my favorites i didn't what what did i say i don't like earlier penis penis there is another one you don't like though is there yeah there's another one you don't like clunge yeah maybe it's that minge sticks fantastic glitterous how does she know that she's six click stick i don't know dotty wouldn't know minge. No. Minge stick, love it. She's not wrong. Sorry, guys, about the hay fever. I don't know if Colby would know what a minge is.

No, it's not a word you use, is it? No. Foo-foo stick. Foo-foo stick, yeah. They would call it. We also do the typical thing of, was in the bath the other night, just trying to relax, having some time to myself, put my flannel on my face.

Obviously, what come in? The tiny tornado that is Dottie. And she was just like, using my FIFU flannel again. Oh, no, not again. Have you used this on your FIFU? Yeah, just used it in the bath just before you got in. That's great. Love that.

Love that I've just rubbed your fufu all over my face again in a flannel she basically used a flannel to wipe her fufu and then i took the flannel it was the fact that i had it on there and i was just like inhaling it in relaxing yeah i think i even sucked some water in from it wow yeah i used to chew flannels when i was little yeah somebody else said that the other day when i was talking to them it's a nice sensation chewing a wet funnel oh no a lady i know who's pregnant her obsession is old musty damp flannels to sniff them oh no i wasn't doing that not clean no she likes the old musty ones oh god what craving dirty ones to ignore that craving that's not right isn't it no i think everybody has a little bit of an odd craving no but chewing flannels I can recommend.

Did you like it? Maybe that's why your teeth feel like they're falling out now. 30 years later. Oh, I thought you meant you did it. When I was little. I thought you meant you did it with the babies, like a pregnancy craving. No, my teeth are falling out apparently because I've got sinusitis. Thank you, Dr. Instagram, for everyone who got in touch and told me that.

I've got sinusitis, by the way. I'm going to get some Sudafed. I thought it was a, you know, when you dream about your teeth. Falling out. Yeah. What does that mean? Sorry. Am I boring you?

No, it's the hay fever. It makes me yawn. It's tiring, this hay fever. It's tiring fighting it off, isn't it? So tiring. Exhausting. I'm exhausted. Yeah.

It's been a long day. It really is. It's been a long day already. We've only been at work for three hours. I've been up since three. Yeah, you've been up. That's why you shouldn't get up so early. I have to.

I've got shit to do. I know. I'm still running late this morning as well. And I woke up three hours before everybody else. The fuck? I was dancing on my kitchen stool, to be honest. So that's probably why. I saw that.

Yeah. That's probably what made me late. But yeah, thank you for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? Yeah, you can email us. Hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram next is one of your secrets i'm waiting for the day that you tell me one of yours yours i don't have any secrets yes you do i'm an open book me are you no no we love a secret on the secret mum club and you're all so good at sharing so emma what have you got

for us okay this one comes from claire she says hi ladies my 13 year old daughter suggested that i listen and i'm so glad she did does she mean listen to the podcast or listen to her just like joseph started saying that to me and stephan listen linda listen honey. Honey. Honey, Linda. I think she means listen to the podcast. Yeah, I think so. Well, I've been listening to you continually now whilst driving for work.

The other night, I was driving back down the M5 listening to the Lost Bear episode and it reminded me of a little secret I have. One Easter, my son came out from nursery with this bloody class bear.

Not too bad, I thought, until I remembered that we were going abroad and would have to do a diary with photos. We were visiting friends in the Netherlands so we ended up making two diaries we did a lovely one for nursery with tulips and clogs and then we made the after hours version oh no we were staying just outside of Amsterdam so my husband took the bear to the red light district and to a special cafe where the bear stumbled upon certain paraphernalia.

The kids thought it was great that we were so willing to help with the diary, not realising we were doing an adult-only diary too. We were just happy that we helped the bear do Amsterdam. Claire! Outrageous. That was absolutely iconic. Imagine, here's the bear with a pair of boobs. Here's the bear with one of the boobs is the bear with a massive special brownies yeah having a special cake i'm not gonna lie i did think that story was gonna end in

and then the nursery got hold of the adult adult only video diary i was hoping that's the way they sent them the wrong one whoops they had a great time can you imagine can you imagine that you seem to have sent us in the wrong the wrong book and imagine there was dark images as well but god bless you for doing that that takes some that takes some effort that does take some serious some serious serious effort i don't know if i'd find the time to do it. And also, I didn't know one question as to why you're just carrying a bear down the streets of Amsterdam.

I guess everyone's high. I love the idea that maybe these adults had had some special cakes too and they were just having a great time with their bear in Amsterdam.

Oh my gosh. That's made my day, that. I know. That's hilarious. God. Have you had a bit too much fun with your class, Bear? Let us know. Email us hello at secretmumpod.com

or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Monday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.