Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Bare Hand

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

There's a trifecta of bodily functions in your correspondence and secrets including a smear test mishap, boob relief at a Busted concert, and a nursery poo gone wrong. The ladies have had tame weeks in comparison, with Sadie having a check-up, and Sophiena getting boujee on a night out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous.

And no secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! Oh! or silly all secrets are welcome in the secret mom club how was your week babe do me first yeah because i actually don't know my ass from my elbow oh i feel like this is a common occurrence yeah basically since we've had the babies every week you're like what have i been doing and have i had an epiphany in my deluded state at 3 a.m because that's when i seem to have these wild thoughts

do you know what a stay-at-home mum is actually harder do you know there was people that used to say to my mum right and laugh when my mum used to say oh i'm a stay-at-home mum i'm a housewife when we were like you know well my mum stayed at home because she is disabled as well bless her heart but she stayed at home since you know she's had us she's been at home and my dad has gone to work before she had you she did work before she had us yeah she's a hairdresser my mum and then she didn't go back to work she had her first hip replacement at 35 wow which is mental because that's my age yeah yeah wow so she had roxanne at 28 and then me and Richie at 30 and then had our first hip replacement at 35. God.

So she basically couldn't go back to work because she was registered disabled. Right. And couldn't work. So she stayed at home. But I shit you not, right? Any fucker that wants to come and say that a stay at home mum to a baby is easy. Oh. It is so fucking hard. But I tell you you i feel like i've leveled up i feel

like i'm mario mario you know when he hits the box and he's and he's leveled up that's me because shit is wild now yeah like stay at home mum has a whole new meaning for me because you've got all the ages to deal with not just babies no and i just i don't know where the days are going yeah i can't get on top of my washing i can't get days are going. Yeah. I can't get on top of my washing. I can't get on top of the housework. I can't get on top of anything. Well, you're like, even Colby's schedule is mad. Colby's schedule is wild at the moment.

He's like a Premier League footballer. He's got training every day. It's pretty much. At eight o'clock. Eight o'clock in the morning. Oh, in the holidays, he has his one-to-one sessions. Yeah. Three times in the week. And he has them at 8am inm. in the morning, yeah.

But I thought that'd be a good idea because I was like, I'll go to the train station. They can go to football. Double whammy. But then we're up at 8 a.m. again. The next day? Yeah. And is that all day for him? No, it only does an hour.

All right. And then we've got the whole day. So I thought, if I get Maverick done with. But normally, like back in school time, there's football on a monday there's football on a tuesday nothing on a wednesday football on a thursday football on a friday football on a sunday god it's full on isn't it so full on about dotty she's not doing anything we're trying to get her into something but she's just not finding her feet with anything she just has the the the what is it the brain no brain clearly because i have none she's basically got the

attention span of a nap right i would say she can't get into something no yeah like she doesn't even this is wild she doesn't have a favorite toy like there is nothing that dotty loves she just loves everything like colby was cars die hard cars through and through if you'll see a hot wheels out now he'll be like can i just oh still we've got yeah we've got all his cars and stuff like it's joseph's cow obviously yeah yeah so she just doesn't have a thing she has a big barbie house doesn't really play with barbies she's got civilians doesn't really play with those poly pockets she doesn't really have her thing yeah a passion yeah yeah and i think that's a little bit with like her after school club she doesn't really have her.

She's only five, isn't she? She is. So she's still finding out what she's into. And Colby only got into football in October last year. Yeah, that's quite a new thing, isn't it? Yeah, really new for Colby. He's not, and like when we meet people, you go to football places and people say, oh, how long has Colby been doing it?

He's only been doing it since October. He wasn't really a young, like he wasn't into it at a young age. Yeah, yeah. And we didn't really push him into doing it or october he wasn't really a young like he wasn't into it a young age yeah didn't really push him into doing it or anything you know why people ask you it's because he looks so professional doesn't he and he's like full kit i do feel like if you're going full kit you have to wear the whole the whole matching kit oh yeah it does it does bother me a little bit when there's a full kit wanker but they're not matching or like they're not wearing their children not wearing the adults they're not wearing the socks they have a man city top on with saint shorts and chelsea socks no i want long socks and shin pads and boots the whole but like i like it when the kit matches the matching yeah yeah shorts and t-shirts yeah and then the socks

like i get really stressed if i take them out of the house and the kit's not the full kit of the team who the fuck is wearing a mismatching kit a lot of um adults grown men don't want to say i'm judging the children but you know i know it happens sometimes but oh yeah if you're going out go full yeah because yeah go all out but yeah so um the holidays have been to be fair actually very chilled because my mum's had a surgery hasn't she another hip surgery we just been yeah we've just been congregating towards towards just going around my mum's because she can't drive or get out and stuff and if she's out for too long she can be in a little bit of pain so we've just been around there really nice which is nice it's basically just free child care i know because

you know what i really wish my mum and dad lived nearer for that because i don't have that situation where you can just pop up two Come two hours. Well, honestly. You're not on my doorstep either. Well. I need someone down the road that I can go. I don't want to say like it's you're the problem. Do you know what? It really is I'm the problem.

It's me. Because my sister's moved three door down from my mum and dad. Exactly. And your other sister's closed. She's closed. Yeah. It's childcare on tap. So technically it's you.

I'm the problem. You are the problem. They keep saying when are you going to move near us. And I'm like, when am I? She is moving actually. We've talked about this. You're going to move near us and i'm like she is moving actually we've talked about this you are going to move well not to near them though no i'm moving further away the plan is that me and stefan move to wales they're not even further away they're in essex they're in essex no one burgle them so they yeah it's quite a broad area but they keep asking me when i'm going to move and i'm like i should

because i want to be able to just drop around and be like mom and dad look after kids for a bit will you it's just when you want a barbecue you just pop around and there's all the food there yeah everything's there dinner every night i said to my mom is i don't understand how she's just always got everything in yeah everything's in date yeah nothing's open everything's pristine when do you get to that point stink as a mom fucking stale food because the children have left watermelon in the back of the fridge for about three months. Water lemon, as Joseph calls it. Does he?

Water lemon. At what point do you get to what? That point as a mum where like, your fridge is always fully stocked. You've always got a homemade dinner on the go because I'm a mum and I'm not there yet. My mum's always just got it down. That's what I mean.

Mums have just got their shit together. Down. Yeah. I feel maybe they're Mario's and they're just leveling up. They're leveling up every time. They just level up to grandparents and they're like, bosh. Yeah. I love how my mum just does that.

Like I moved in with them for a week when Stefan was away with work and just have like a home cooked dinner every night. My mum did all my washing. So effortless. Yeah. She just does it like a, just like a gazelle. Yeah. Just gliding through the house.

Gliding through life. And she's just so stress-free keeping on top of even when she has all seven grandchildren i always think is she gonna be frazzled as fuck when we get there and she just comes out not a bead of sweat nothing she smells great and i'm like how do you like a stepford wife how do you do that even the children are terrified of her or she's just a brain do Do you know what? I think when you leave, though, they are knackered. My mum goes to sleep. Yeah.

She is, bless her heart, 65 and she does take an afternoon nap. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe she's napping when they're all there. That's a secret. We don't know what they're up to. Maybe we need to get her on the secret mum club. Secret grandma's club.

Yeah, what's our secret? What is she doing? Yeah. Let us know. But yeah, I do love popping around and everything's just... I do as well. everything's just i do as well everything's just there even though we're full grown adults like they still look after us don't they isn't it weird like i did sit there the other day and think that i am a child yeah

look i'm i'm technically too young to be having children because i'm somebody's child but still even though you're 35 yeah yeah yeah but imagine like i'm my mom's baby but our moms when they were 35 seemed so much older seems so grown up didn't they yeah like when i used to see my mom and her friends i'd be like god they're 40 they're well old yeah and now i'm like now we're nearly 40 and i think i'm quite trendy you know so hip so i tell myself um but yeah you just you just think i'm their baby yeah and i'm having babies and i still need my mum and dad yes but don't leave me i feel like they weren't like this with their parents like they were just getting on with it my nan

had me mum really late didn't she we've spoken about that yeah it's 55 55 when she had my mum yeah so she we didn't really get much, so we didn't really get much grandparent. We didn't really have a grandparent situation. Yeah. Because my mum, my dad, they weren't really around my mum. Your nan and grandad? Yeah, my mum's... Yeah.

My dad's mum. I didn't call her grandma. What did you call her? Mrs Bunce. Did you? She was horrible to me, dad. Mrs Bun yeah i did mrs bunce that's so formal that's like something out of like annie she she was not a very nice woman was she not no no she wasn't a very nice woman at all and then my granddad um my granddad left my dad

yeah i didn't know he didn't want to know his dad no i didn't want to know my dad spent a lot of years trying to get back in contact with him. God, this is like a confession hour for me. It's like therapy. My dad, but my, I just, I think it's credit to my dad because my dad's a wonderful fucking human. And a great dad. He's the best dad.

But I tell you, he's a phenomenal granddad. And he had no one to, he had no dad growing up. No role model. No role model. And he is just absolutely paving the way. Like, they're big shoes to fill. Yeah i say to christy all the time my dad's got stonking feet yeah stonking shoes you better fill them you you can't no you can't feel them no one can and i feel that my dad is such a wonderful person in the sense of like he um he takes everyone under his wing so he does a lot to like daddy figure everybody.

I wonder if that's made him more like that because his dad wasn't around. Yeah, I think it has. Because he's the top of the tribe. Yeah. He's the top of the food chain. He's the head honcho. Yeah.

He's the Mac daddy. And he probably loves that. The Mac granddaddy. Yeah. He does love it. Yeah. But yeah, we've had a wonderful week. Good.

I'm slightly frazzled. Are you all right there, Sadie? Sadie baby? She's just flopped across my lap. She's fast asleep. Yeah. We need to... She doesn't look very comfortable, but I don't want to move her because...

I would say she would cry if she wasn't comfy. Yeah. This is basically how she sleeps across me at night. So I feel like this is what she's used to. Like we feed, she flops down onto my lap and then we fall asleep i feel like that's something we um we don't really talk about our sleeping situation i mentioned it once on my instagram and then got the haters you have to put your hater blockers on because they were coming in the full force of them because we sleep with the babies sleeping aren't we which is such a such a triggering issue for people it is a triggering

issue and i also do feel like it's a topic that nobody ever talks about because everybody is scared. People judge you. For the, yes. I'm obviously very aware of how dangerous co-sleeping is. Can be. Can be. Can also be very safe. Yes, also can be very safe.

And also I spoke to a health visitor and got advice when we did, because Renly has been the only baby that we've co-slept with. So I spoke to a health visitor and I got advice and I have gone off of professional advice and we make sure that bedtime is very safe situation obviously it's only you and Sadie in the bed isn't it yeah but it's me and Chris in the bed with Renly and Renly is basically on a it's like a change in mat is a change in mat mattress but it's slightly raised it's angled out so there's no chance of suffocation or anything like that and he is raised up and me and chris sleep either side of him so you've basically done your own makeshift bed for him what did the health is to say about it

fine yeah absolutely fine we showed her i showed her the setup and she was like there's absolutely nothing that can go because the duvet doesn't even go over him. We've got a separate duvet. So nothing can go over him. I sleep a little bit down the bed. And he's more up by the headboard. Right. And she said it's a very safe. Yeah, very safe.

We are currently transitioning over to, back to the Chico next to me. Are you? But he is very much a co-sleeper. Like, we can't put him in the bedroom on his own he won't fall to sleep yeah he'll either fall to sleep on us or in the bed next to us that's the thing she's such a contact napper as soon as i put her down she knows yeah we do try and start the night in the next to me and then inevitably oh yeah you don't like it do you she heard you say it she wants to be on me so i just flop her down in the bed next to me and she sleeps so much better and then when you're feeding as well you can just yes because a lot of people that breastfeed co-sleep yeah because you can just pop them i don't want to just assume

that but from what i've spoken about i think a lot of people are like us they start the night in some kind of cot or bed and then after the first feed you're just like i don't even start the night in there i'll be honest with you so many people say to me oh you don't do your instagram stories in the evening anymore i literally go to bed at 8 a.m yeah a.m you're asleep p.m you're not watching movies in bed anymore like you used to no no i'm not sometimes we put a movie on last about five minutes yeah i don't watch anything i actually watch a movie in the daytime now rather than yeah rather than at night time nice yeah do my housework and sit down or just snuggle the baby and watch a film yeah yeah i feel like you can't get anything like people say oh i've been so much tv when i had a newborn i can't get anything watched i feel

like i've always got shit to be doing you don't ever watch the television i don't watch any well i don't watch films i do watch she watches milfs oh mafia? Did you hear that? Was that another poo? Another big shot. This position's really getting her going. Not MILFs, MAFs. Married at first sight. Married at first sight. The real fans will know.

The real ones will know. I have burned through that, to be fair. But I can't focus on anything too long. Nothing like a film. It's got to be like short episodes. Not too much brain power required. Yes. I want to sell in Sunset now. Is that housing? Yes. Oh, Maz is a fan. Maz is a fan. Yeah. short episodes not too much brain power required yes i'm on to selling sunset now

is that housing yes oh that's a fan yeah is that on um netflix yeah is it yeah you actually have a netflix account i've got all the accounts you just don't watch them just don't watch fuck all hey stefan's paying for it so um so yeah that's that's where our week that's your week yeah what about you chilled one we had an update with a tongue tie person did I tell you about that because you know last I think it was last week I said we thought Sadie might be tongue tied yeah because we went to the chiropractor yes so then we took her to a private chiropractor and she was like oh I think she might have to have the snip which i didn't really want her to have because it sounds quite intruder and yeah savage so i didn't really want her to have it done so my health visitor actually got us an appointment with the nhs tongue tie specialist

so i was like i'll be interesting to see what they say yeah and then we went in there and i was fully thinking like we're probably going to have to get it done because what we thought it was it might be affecting her latch on the boob was a bit shallow maybe and that was making her windy so i thought if it's going to solve that then maybe we'll get it done saw the nhs woman she was literally like no evidence of a high palate no evidence of tongue tie she can move her tongue absolutely fine she watched me feed her she was like her latch is fine she's feeding lovely she's putting on weight beautifully she's tracking really well no reason to get it done basically because also it is can be like quite a high risk yeah procedure yes because they can bleed and and also it doesn't necessarily

work or solve your problems no so i was like oh that's interesting so i left there kind of like well i'd rather not get it done if i don't have to so i was quite and i'd rather not pay for a private doctor pay for a private one to get it done because my friends that got it done privately paid about 500 pounds so i was like well i'm not gonna pay that if we don't have to yeah of course so obviously we're probably not gonna get it done but i was saying to stefan it's interesting like you could read that one of two ways right like you could think the private practitioner might be trying to get money out of you by saying you need to get it done but then also the nhs person could just be rushing you out the door because they don't want to have to do it exactly could be fobbing us off because they

don't want to have to do it so i don't know we're going to see how it goes i mean to be fair the nhs woman said she'd be happy to reassess us which is incredible which is amazing because that's a free service exactly so if anything changes then we can let them know but yeah i was like interesting that i would love to know if anybody else has experienced the same if they had one thing from the chiropractor because also what the nhs um person said was that they've seen an explosion in babies getting tongue tied done recently the snip because they've seen people that have told them yeah you need to get this done your baby needs to get this done when they didn't necessarily need to get it done and it didn't solve the problem so it's hard isn't it because is it a procedure that really need to have done

if she was tongue-tied if she's latching great gaining weight and everything's doing wonderful is there any reason really to have it done well exactly that's what that's what she was saying but the reason why i went to see someone initially was because she was getting so gassy that i thought one of the reasons for that might be she's taking too much air in when she feeds but actually when the woman watched me feed she was like she's got a lovely seal tight around the nip no milk is leaking out when she's feeding and she's gaining weight so actually we've got no reason to be concerned about her but it's interesting that I think people think oh it's going to be the solution to all my problems and loads of people are getting it done and actually your baby might not necessarily need it and at the end of the day it is them having their tongue cut with

a pair of scissors i don't want to have my tongue cut with no it sounds i love how you just went just making sure my tongue was still there also i was like how can my baby be tongue tied because my tongue is so fucking yours is well long i know you just went straight out i can touch my nose with my tongue. I know, you've shown me that many a times. What a party trick. I know. Can you lick your elbow?

No. Can you? Can anyone? No. That was really funny. You're just mugging me off. No, I'm miles away. If you can do that, let us know.

Oh, I feel... I'll tell you who could probably do it what's that man that had his ribs removed wasn't it marilyn manson yeah did he have his ribs removed the rumor was that he had his ribs removed so they could give himself a blow job wasn't it maz is nodding yeah was it no one's actually seen him do it i don't know if it's true there's no evidence he could probably lick his elbow though if he can i reckon if he could suck his dick he can lick his elbow suck his own dick wow i don't think i'd like no no fucking hell back the fuck up i can't even

so there we are wow elbows and dicks what a week we've both had i know i've been walking loads as well yeah i know because you've fucked your knee i did but i've been back i've been walking again so you're not running but you're walking loads of steps no and you know what i shared on my instagram the other week i um found a phenomenal pram did you see it you've got the doona haven't you that's the car seat oh right but um i actually had to make a public apology on my instagram stories because i was like oh i don't need a system pram i don't need a system pram i've never had it with the other two colby hated it dotty didn't even need it really fucking loves a carry car like the boy loves being led down in the bassinet the bassinet and i don't have one what have you gone

for i haven't i just saw it and then i'm trying to now i'm currently on a convincing chris that we need a new pram it's got it's got led lights it's got a usb charging point on it it's got a mobile phone holder oh my god it's like pimp my ride but it's literally absolutely phenomenal and i shared it on my instagram story the other day so we had um yeah even renners wants it don't you you loved it 3 a.m that was another 3 a.m find oh don't my midnight purchasing is out of control i haven't purchased it but i'm considering it so many people were like you should purchase that and give us a review and i was like oh maybe i should just tell chris it was gifted hashtag gifted to myself well maybe if you mention it on here you'll get one for free no i'll happily buy it i'll happily buy this is the issue that i find right is being gifted things

incredibly kind of people to want to give me but i feel like you're then obligated to not give an honest review well no i feel like you still do you feel like you can i don't know i don't get gifted anything but do you want me to gift you something so you can give an honest review on it free pram would be nice do you want a free pr you would never free pram though you got your doubly got the baby jogger you have got the baby not an ad not ironically can't jog with it no that really baffled my brain when you told me that a mad business name because one of the first things it says on there is this pram is not suitable for exercise that's ironic do you know what i actually found something on instagram the other day wonderful for you some running arms for your pram and the arms move back and forth but the pram doesn't

move so you're working out your arms while you're pushing and it goes they go back and forth like bicycle like pedals for your for your arms your biceps you go one two three so you're running to be fair once joseph's in it pushing it's enough of a workout because he is heavy but it just doesn't jog the pram you know when you're like that yeah you're not only working your arms but it's a really smooth ride for the baby. Oh, I look into it. Emma and I

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It's time for the Correspondence Corner. So Emma, let's hit it off with number one, please. All right, this one says, hello ladies. Following on from the milk mishap, I just had to share my story. I was halfway through a busted concert and my left breast was huge and so sore i couldn't bear jumping around in the crowd during the break i ran to the loo to release the pressure well who knew breast milk came from different areas of the boob i tried aiming for the toilet but i got it all over the wall and floor

after the cleanup i felt so much better and enjoyed the rest of the show from daniel what this is like renly's weeing up the wall over again isn't it multiple holes i thought it just came out of the no i think it's multiple holes comes out of the whole areola yeah like it can come out of like because when i was watching my breast pump there was beads loads of little beads coming to the surface yeah i'm sure when my boob leaks it mainly just comes out from the tip of the nip maybe her boobs are so full that it was yeah just coming from all angles wasn't like they didn't the katie perry moment we have when someone's boobs were exploding weren't they yeah oh yeah yeah coming out of the it was when they were having a massage wasn't yes yes? Yes. The old massage table.

I love that she was at a Busted concert. Yeah, what a place to be with your full tits. I've been to see them live. Have you? Yeah, I have. I feel like you've seen everyone. It was S Club last week, Busted this week. No.

You've seen all the 90s bands. They're the only two. Did you have full boobs when you were at a Busted concert? No, I was only like 19, I think. Pre-kids, pre-kids. Yeah yeah i think it was pre-children yeah i don't know if it was actually i have did i see mcbusted maybe it was mcbusted oh yeah more of a recent phenomenon no it was old i've only ever been with my sister them two concerts the only concerts i've ever been to funny that they both came up in the podcast how crazy yeah these are

my type of women that's all i can say i'm also finding it funny how only the left breast was full like what did you do with the right boob sadie wants to say nothing nothing happened with the right boob maybe she fed the baby before the gig yeah on one boob you always say that the baby's had a preferable boob though didn't you yeah had a preferred boob well and also i have a preferred side to hold her my left one is more comfortable than my right i thought you were gonna say you have a preferred boob i do i do my left i actually prefer my right boob to my left boob really yeah my left is bigger as well my nipples actually point down to the ground now do they i didn't think that could happen with my shit tits what

after feeding no just now that i've had three children oh right yeah because they went astronomically massive and then they sagged yeah now the nipples point down mine after breastfeeding were like let down balloons after feeding joseph so looking forward to that isn't it crazy what we go through i know i still find it phenomenal part of me wants to breastfeed for a long time to keep my full milky tits because they look they look much better yeah do you also now walk past pregnant people and think you've got all this you've got it to come i'm almost jealous i'm a little bit are you when you see pregnant people yeah that's why i still

think there's another one left in you i know i do get that feeling i said to stefan does that make me a mean person like when i hear about a pregnancy announcement my initial thought isn't like oh wow congratulations that's great for you my initial thought is like oh I'm jealous it's not happening to me again so maybe I do need to have a third maybe you do need to have and then after that I'm like oh wow amazing congratulations but my initial my initial thought is fuck you had sex to do that and then I start imagining them naked and then i'm like that's where your brain goes well that's where my brain goes if you ever tell me that you you're pregnant first things first yeah i'm thinking of you naked and in what position was this baby conceived that's because you're a dirty bitch dirty bitch i'm technically not i'm actually far from that so why my brain

goes there i have no idea but here we are and then I think oh I'm never gonna feel a baby in my tummy ever again and then I go to congratulations yeah yeah it's a quick process though you never know no yeah it happens in a millisecond bam you never know but one minute you're naked now you're fully clothed so insight into our brains love that got another message here it says hi lovely ladies I heard you talking about when it was the right time to try for a baby. My partner and I tried for a baby when we were 21 years old. I always wanted to be a young mum, so to speak. I gave birth to my daughter when I was nearly 22 years old.

And my partner ended up leaving me when my daughter was two years old. So I've done the majority of it by myself. I wouldn't change my experience for the world. It was hard for sure. But I have a beautiful best friend in my daughter. She's 10 years old now. So it's been us against the world ever since there's never a right time to have a baby but there is a right time in your own personal life to start trying at least love your pod ladies from sean that is really adorable and big up to the mummies as well we needed to have said that

in our daddy's day yeah because all the mummies that step up and do both roles yeah i honestly take my hat off yeah to how phenomenal women are that do it on their own the mum's doing it on their own since i had joseph i literally have had such a newfound respect for single parents because i don't know how you do it how people are doing it no it is so hard the times when i'm left on my own with the babies that's temporary is hard enough but like when stefan comes back home from like a trip or work that's your relief i'm like thank fuck there's someone else here to help me out yeah it's such a lot doing that on your own it's a lot and i'm same as you i've got so much respect yeah for for parents that find

themselves in that situation it's not always it's not all the always the women that are single parent there is there is men um that are doing it solo as well and i just have so much respect for people that are able to do that yeah and i just feel like it just creates such an incredible bond though yeah but that's just you and them yeah like she says you and them against the world yeah there's something quite empowering about it just being like you making all the decisions as well. Like it's all on you. As much as like, you know, I'm so incredibly grateful for Chris and him being around.

Yeah, it's just you and them. No one, you don't have to, because like I say no chewing gum all the time. Chrissy, if you're listening, no chewing gum. He just goes to the shop and he's like, oh, they just want a chewing gum. But what do i say to chewing gum you say no so why have you said yes exactly so annoying not someone undermining you

no god damn it god damn it yeah i honestly have so much respect for single parents yeah they're just fucking smashing it yeah step up to the plate and our both are both roles just mind-blowing because you just don't get a minute, like a minute to yourself. No. It's amazing. It is amazing. Well done, Sian. 10 years.

10 years. Smashing it. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yep, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us, we've probably heard it all before.

And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes?

Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit onepelaton.ca This is the Secret Mum Club, the safe space for you to share your secrets. Are you ready for my secret this week? I can't wait. Can you not? Let's go.

I went out. Out out? I went out out. I wasn't just a bit out, I was out out. So I went to my first ever event i think it's my first event non-pregnant since friendly was born since friendly was born so i came all the way to london without the baby obviously that's not a secret because i've done that already but i was out at my first event may i just say it was a phenomenal event it was very um bougie celebrity it was

it was including safina i don't know why i was invited i think they i think i think they got the wrong um i think they got the wrong person can't get the wrong safina though you're the only one i am the only one but i think i think there was a maybe a lost in translation right i was definitely um very very grateful to be there okay it was a wonderful experience um definitely felt like i was it was maybe the wrong person they meant well look you made it in i did made it past security i did make it past my name was on the list so i was coming in we're going in if my name's on the list we're going in i had all intentions to go back to home obviously um to go home at like the event was six till eight and i was like oh that's fine

i'll be back at the train station like half eight nine yeah back on the train home by like half ten yeah that didn't happen what time did you get in so i drunk in the midst of the exciting event there was lots of people there i was having the whale of the time free for secco midst of the exciting event, there was lots of people there. I was having the whale of the time. Free Prosecco? Whale of the time. Whale of the time. I was having a really whale of the time. Haven't really drunk much since having the baby. Yeah, apart from here when we get the Prosecco.

I was taking the free Prosecco. That basically was the last time I'd had a drink. Yeah. So here we had Prosecco on arrival. Nice. We had free Prosecco just going around the room. Yeah. Everyone was just so wonderful.

It was just a real celebration. But they also had cocktails that matched the scent of the detergent. Oh, it was for a... It was for comfort. Fabric softener. Fabric softener, yes. So they had the scent, the cocktail to match the scent. That sounds like it wouldn't taste very nice.

It did. You had to just trust me on that one. the drinks were flowing the party mixing prosecco and cocktails yeah yeah okay yeah i went in half yeah and then i thought it'd be a really great idea we went out after the event the after party yeah we went to the after party phoned chris and he's like don't worry just have a really great time before i knew it it was like midnight i know i haven't seen midnight for it was it was wild so i got on the train um fell to sleep on the train oh no you know when you wake up on the train and you're like this i was fully hanging over the armchair but my whole carriage had filled up in the time that i'd left got on the train at waterloo my train at waterloo was

empty got on the carriage by the time i got to southampton the carriage was full so all these people who walked past me schlumped over the arm um but i was out at the train took two hours to get home it was mental so i actually got back home at i think it was about half past one quarter oh you dirty stuff out i got in and then i cried i wasn't actually pissed you cried because the mum guilt i have never felt so guilty in my whole entire life was he asleep he was fast asleep chris was fast asleep i had to do the obligatory go in and i had to lie with dots for a minute give our a kiss then lie with colby for a minute give him a kiss then got into bed by the time i got into bed it was about three o'clock and then readily woke for a feed so i thought you know while i'm fucking awake we might as well just

have a little party of our own so you had no sleep that night no sleep do you find that sometimes you're kind of hoping they wake up so you can see them yeah like snuggle with them and then when i i do the oh no did i just nudge you then oh no i just made a really loud noise whoops whoops slam that front door i am i was secretly hoping that everyone could wait but the guilt i am a i'm a guilt i get i feel guilty anyway but this was on like another level of it's mad isn't it because like even when you're there all the time you do like one thing where you're away or you miss bedtime or you miss bath time and then you feel so bad i miss the whole lot i miss the whole shebang but even

though you're there like it's like you only remember the bad reviews isn't it yeah you go on tripadvisor and you look for the bad yeah yeah and you you could be there like every night of the week and then you miss one time i felt so guilty guilty. And you feel so guilty. I miss dinner time. I miss bath time. I miss bedtime. I miss stories. I miss the whole lot. It was, but I had a wonderful evening and bless Chris. Chris was just like, just have a good time.

Because you're always there normally. And you never get to, you never get to go out and let your hair down. I know. Just make the most of it. I did have a wonderful, wonderful time, but I'm not. Not doing it again soon. Not anytime soon. Will you hang in the next day no no right yeah yeah it was great because that's the thing that i can't i want to

go out and get pissed but i cannot bear the thought of having a hangover and looking after a baby no and i don't think i was pissed like i think the prosecco went to my head really quickly but i think the excitement of the whole the event and i was really high on life because when the girls were saying how are you not how are you not i'm generally just fucking excited excited to be out i'm just excited to be out yeah and doing bits yeah you know hanging out with celebrities well good for you thank you yeah so that was um so even though i went out the mum guilt is still there it never goes if anything i would say the older they get in the actual the worse it is i wasn't

necessarily about Renly. It was more about Colby and Duffy. Yeah, sad because I left Renly for the first proper time. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes?

Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts no matter your goals or time peloton has everything you need to become everything you want find your push find your power peloton visit onepeloton.ca but also the other two understand and colby as we know is very emotional when i leave they know more that's the problem he understands yeah and they don't want to leave me they don't want me to go um so that was it's a little bit hard and then i think the worst thing is is you speak to them

or they send me a voice note and they're like i really miss you and you're like i know i shouldn't be i just if i ever spend time away from joseph i don't facetime or anything like that because i think it's actually worse for him to know that i'm somewhere else he's at the age where that would be too confusing so i'm just like cut all ties just leave don't have any communication no contact don't look back don't think about it and then i just get back and i'm like oh hi and he just probably doesn't even know that i've been anywhere probably to him you've only been gone 10 minutes because he's got no concept of time that's the thing no but yours they know yeah and it was the fact that i said to colby he was waiting up for me but i think i hurt my heart a bit more because chris was like oh i'll let colby go to bed things this was like at half 10 he was like i'll let colby go to bed then because you're not

going to be back anytime soon i was waiting for you stop it he was waiting for me to go it was a school holiday so he didn't have any reason to go to bed did he it he was waiting for me to go it was a school holiday so he didn't have any reason to go to bed did he so he stayed awake it got to 1am and he was like she's still not back oh i'm gonna have to go to sleep don't because i could cry all over again it was fucking hard do you know what though it's important for you to go out and do things for yourself we talk about the children we do talk about this a lot and it is very very very normal it's very normal to one, feel bad. It's very normal to not feel anything.

Yeah. There's a lot of people that go out. It's normal to want to do it. Yes. It is normal to want to go out and socialize. And do you, it is normal to not feel guilty. It's normal to enjoy yourself. Yeah.

And sit there and go, is it bad that I don't feel guilty? Yes. Yes. Any aspect of it is completely normal. Yeah. We just beat ourselves up about it yeah we just beat ourselves up about it we do beat ourselves up about it and either way whatever whatever way you go about it it's all completely normal processes so that's my secret so now let's get some of yowls we've

got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing this week so emma let's have number one please all right this one says hi wonderful mums my secret is more of a pre-mum secret six years ago i went to get my smear test and there was a trainee doctor in there with us the doctor got me on my back and put the speculum in everything was fine but then she dropped the swab on the floor obviously she had to get a new one and as soon as she let go of the speculum i said oh no she took a few steps before the speculum suddenly shot out of my vagina like a catapult while hitting the wall at some speed crumbs poor trainee saw the whole thing and just said oh goodness i wanted the ground to swallow me up while also being quite proud of my super strong fufu needless to say after two vaginal bursts this is no longer a problem anonymous now it just sits in there comfortably now they can't get it or now

it just slides yeah just flops out slowly wow what a powerful pelvic floor powerful vagina i've parted once having a smear um what do they call that a queef no no yeah straight out my bum hole i think it's because when she was like take a deep breath i was like and then she put it in and i just went just released yeah yeah that's very you also does anyone else get the pinchy you know when it clamps and you feel like oh do you know what i've never had a problem with smear tests and i think i must just have a massive vagina maybe because it's never been uncomfortable for me, putting the speculum in. The speculum goes in fine, but when they clamp open for me,

it's just a little bit pinchy. Yeah, it feels like it's pinching my insides. No, mine's always been fine, so I must just have a... But this is a good time to advocate how important a smear test is. Don't miss them. Please do them.

They are... They don't look at your foo-foo. It's... Do you know what? And they see so many. They're used to it. They see so many... They don't care at your fufu it's do you know what and they and they see do they're used to it they see so many they don't care about your vagina they do not care about your fufu and it is such a quick process it's easy and it could save your life it and that's how important it is to get it done it takes two seconds and it potentially saves your life

what i also thought you were going to say was, this shows how important doing the pelvic floor exercise is. Nah, fuck that. Just do your smears, I say. Get your smears checked. Wow. I think, you know, are your pelvics really important? Because I feel like I didn't do them after the other two

and I can hold a good, I can hold a good load. Yeah, your bladder's really good and you've had three vaginal births. I think it just depends on the person. Like I've got a weak bladder, so I think I needed to do them. Did you have a weak bladder? Oh I think I needed to do them.

Did you have a weak bladder? Oh, you've not birthed them out that you have. No, but even pre-children, I had such a weak bladder that I thought when I was pregnant, I thought it's still important to do them. Because even if you have cesareans, you can still get a loose pelvic floor. Can you? I think it's about the weight. Is it all like the muscle?

Yeah, I think about it. It's like the weight of carrying a baby around for nine months can just wreck your pelvic floor yeah and i'm a very leaky foo foo bladder anyway so yeah so do your pelvic floors get your smear test done and don't fuck about with your foo foos serious jelly that is serious shit okay let's have a number two hi safina and emma i'm currently 21 weeks pregnant congratulations and now we're thinking about you having sex. Her brain's gone straight to sex. What was the next thing? Imagine you're naked, sex,

and then you get sad that you've got no baby in your tummy. And then congratulations. Yeah, yeah. And I'm really struggling with sleep. As a previous back and tummy sleeper, I'm finding it impossible to sleep without waking up on my back. People told me to try pregnancy pillows but with them being so expensive i don't want to waste my money if they aren't going to help have you had any experience with them from millie in stoke abso-fucking-lutely straight away as soon as you said you're a back and belly sleeper

i straight away pregnancy pillow yeah they are life-changing i think it's because you can potentially lie so far on your near on on your front and the pillow kind of just supports baby yeah yeah the weight of the baby you also don't have to spend a fortune no i didn't want to spend loads on a pregnancy pillow either and i got one in ikea you did i want to say it was like 13 pounds and then i got the cover from ikea as well so you don't have to break the bank and i've got the v-shaped one and it's actually seen me through pregnancy and also now i use it for breastfeeding so it's been a really good investment i mine's from our goose yeah and now colby has it oh and he sleeps really well he like cocoons himself in they are lovely aren't they yeah yeah you're getting a nice hug and you know what i still if colby hadn't pinched it i would still use it yeah it's just it's a nice

little it's a nice little wedge nice little support you become very attached to the pillow yeah do you know what as well a lot of people um sell them second hand so you're on like marketplace and vinted and stuff like that because people only use it for a short amount of time and then they want to yeah either get rid of it for free or you'll be able to find a cheap one second hand i bet so i really recommend a pillow i would recommend it yes 100 and i think you'll use it after i don't know if i've known anybody to not find any comfort with the pillow no because i believe that the whether even if you're just sat on the sofa i used to use mine on the sofa yeah like because my back used to hurt i used to use mine on the sofa. Yeah. Like, cause my back used to hurt.

I used to use it as a support and just wrap it around me. Cause I've got the V one. Yeah. I used to just wrap it around me. Yeah. And if you end up breastfeeding, you can use it the other way. And put it,

put the V on your tummy. Have the baby. Have the baby on it. Also, if you don't want to buy a pregnancy pillow, try a normal pillow between your knees when you're on your side. And that'll take a bit of the pressure off or even under the bump yeah but yeah i i really recommend them yeah would recommend would recommend you're only halfway through and it's gonna get worse yes it's going to get i even had

mine i think in hospital when before i had renly i think i took mine to the hospital i took mine into hospital yeah yeah it's a very i've got detachment issues, but you know, it's gone to a new home. Colby. It's just upstairs. Yeah. Right. Let's have the last secret this week. Hi ladies.

I'm a preschool teacher in the US and absolutely love your podcast. Oh my God. Thank you. I have a secret to share. I was working with a young lady who was three years old at the time on potty training. I waited outside the bathroom for this tiny human to finish her business. She excitedly proclaimed that she had pooped. I congratulated her and as I creaked open the door to check and make sure she didn't need any help,

to my horror, I saw that she had foregone the toilet paper and had gone full bare hand to her ass. This says, to her ass this says to her ass wiping shit on herself and then using her and then using her shit fingers to push herself off the toilet seat covering the entire seat she was so proud of herself and i was completely speechless from that point forward her bathroom door was never shut and she was on constant surveillance in the bathroom. Love, Parker from Ohio. Right, what would you do in that situation? It must have fucking stank.

Like, when you get... Because I tell you, that first poo, when you do baby lead wean, or you give your baby food for the first time, whether that's baby porridge, and that first shit that comes out of their bowel it's like proper human shit and then when they're fully eating and they're like one and they're having full-on poo-poos in their nappy that smell colby's was always blueberry wheat oh i can't hack

a blueberry wheat now to this day because the stench of his poo but this girl was three years old so her that was colby colby shitting out blueberry wands wow there was just shit everywhere what what a shitty nightmare where would you start i've said it before and i'll say it again give nursery workers a raise god they don't get paid enough because they're dealing with a lot of shit literally literally parker's all over that shit she's just all knee deep in poop and the girl was so proud as well because how do they know that they need to wipe their bum with um toilet roll yeah uh when do they learn that i think when you i used to take them on the toilet yeah you didn't really do potties did you no we didn't do pot straight to the toilet to be fair though i will say this i do find a potty very damaging to a little person because the fear of the real toilet is real they get so fucking scared of the

big toilet that i feel like once you've mastered the art of the big loo yeah then take the potty out with you yeah just skip the potty steps the first stage i think you should just be i should just walk into the toilet come on let's go do we did have a training seat or just like straight onto the big toilet uh colby had a training seat dots no she just had a she just had the big the big seat and we used to hold hands yeah but i just feel like the eliminating out the big toilet situation is very scary when they first sit on the big toilet yeah so i just used to do the big toilet situation is very scary when they first sit on the big toilet yeah so i just used to do the big toilet and then if we were out and about then i'd have a potty you know normally in nurseries they have those like miniature toilets don't they for little people

yeah love that find that adorable don't they have that in like ikea do they i think they have a miniature toilet in ikea polton's park they definitely do do they I struggle to get back up I have to like hold the side of the cubicle to get get oh when I go down I basically fucking fall in the bog I always feel like

I'm gonna get up and the toilet's gonna be stuck to my ass still yeah or it's when you sit on the training toilet and you're like try and pee

like oh god I'm gonna cover myself I'm pissed here really works your abs doesn't it yeah your thighs getting off of those it really does I love that there's no you can't squat Try and pee like, oh God, I'm going to cover myself in piss here. It really works your abs, doesn't it? Yeah. And your thighs, getting off of those. It really does.

I love that. There's no, you can't squat over the toilets that are low because you've got to squat there too. Low, low. Yeah. Thanks for that, Parker from Ohio. There was a whole lot of shit there, wasn't there? A whole lot of shit talk. That was a whole lot of shit. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you gone bare hand to the ass after a poo? Or is your vagina secretly a catapult? Let us know. Let us know.

There really is nothing too outrageous. And keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time. On the Secret Mum Club. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout.

Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45-minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit onepeloton.ca.