Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Back Mum

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

The ladies hear from listeners who resonate with Soph’s niece Ember, and her ongoing search for answers around her heavy bleeding. Plus, one mum explains how her three little ones all share a bedroom (and actually sleep), while a wildlife park moment involving a rhino leaves everyone in stitches. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendars because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only. So you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now. So head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits. Although you've lost some bits. Squeeze my Bob. Squeeze your Bobby Bob. Bips and Bob's.

Away! All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend. Show we jump ony! Right, it's time for the correspondence corner! I feel like we're rushing this. Emma's just literally walked in the door. I know, walked in, sat down, started talking.

I am late today. So now I'm like, hurry up, go, go, go, move faster, move faster. You've probably been here for three hours, haven't you? No, I haven't actually? I've got the late train. Okay, good. Although I did say to Maz, it felt like a real decade to get here. Yeah.

I think because normally in the morning, when you're hustling and bustling with everybody and breathing with the flow, the day goes really, the morning goes really quick. I think they're quicker trains as well. No, it was the same time. On mine was slower. This was fucking slow to get here. It felt about three hours commuting today. And then you've been waiting for me as well. It's okay.

We were up on the roof. Up on the roof. Blame my mum. Who sings that? She was meant to be here. Robson and Jerome. Yeah, well done. Good.

I was going to say Professor Green. Where did that come from? Wasn't him? That's not his vibe. Oh, that's the vibe. Right. Anywho, shall we jump on in? Yes, we've got some questions, not questions.

Oh, messages. Okay. Now I'm confusing you. Messages about Ember. Yes. She were talking about her, weren't you? Do you know what? There was actually a really, really lovely response.

And do you know who it went to? My sister. Oh. And if she didn't call me once, absolutely bawling her eyes out, she must have called me a million times to just say, this is an overwhelming amount of love. And she was so, because we did imanar about airing it, didn't we? I think we'd spoken about it before on the pod the first time.

And Rosie and Mazra was a little bit unsure as to airing the episode without obviously consent of embers. But when speaking to Roxanne and Ember this time around, we said, you know, let's raise awareness on it because it's huge. And actually it's way huger than you even. I think than even Roxanne ever anticipated. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've had a few messages and this one says, hi, Sophie and Emma. Your story about Ember's non-stop bleeding really resonated with me.

I've always suffered with chronic pain every month, but on top of that, I also bleed heavily. I spent most of my 20s, just getting on with it, as any doctor I spoke to about, it didn't really have much to say. It wasn't until I went to a dental hygienist appointment that I discovered. Not only do I bleed a lot during my period, but I bleed a lot whenever I have anything done. I bled for three days straight after seeing the dentist. I went straight to my doctor who ordered an emergency blood test. Turns out I have hemophilia and manage it quite well now. I'm now in my mid-30s and it's safe to say

pushing until you get answers is absolutely the way forward I hope Ember is doing okay things will absolutely get better no matter what the diagnosis is lots of love Tasha from Hampshire Oh that's what we spoke about wasn't it She's a homey she's a home girl I'm assuming bleeding from the mouth

Not the vagina for three days Because that would be weird after seeing the dental nurse My mind did go straight there as well I'm glad you said that I thought for a second you were going to go Sylvia don't be a dick I was thinking what's the link there Vagina do you

I'm going to say get a new dentist if your vagina's bleeding after the dentist. But I'm totally there now. I've re-come back into the room. Gosh. I'm assuming that Tasham is from the mouth. Which is terrifying. Does she just please a lot in general? Do you know what?

I actually went to the dentist this week and I said to the dentist because she was like, oh, your gums are really, really healthy, Sophia. Because it's something, again, right, dentist is always something I've always feared my whole entire life. It's not now till I'm at a point where I actually adore my dentist. It doesn't matter who I see there. I love all of them. The reception staff, the doctors, nurses, everybody there. I literally adore them.

And I think you have to find the right dentist for you. And people think I'm crazy when I say this, but it's such an intimate thing to allow someone into your mouth. It has to be the right person. It could be weird, but I think there's a science. It is a weird thing. It's a really, really, you know, some people don't have dental work done and then get to a point where they don't want to show anybody the inside of their mouth because then you're in bad. And it's a whole cycle of shit. So I think once you find your right dentist, go with it.

But she taught me how to brush my teeth. Call me crazy. I don't know there's like a certain way to brush your teeth. So obviously now when I brush my teeth, I'm teaching the children. That's how they should brush them. So we're like a year on since I've been with the dentist. She's like, oh, your gums are looking really, really healthy, you know, done all the like protest on them.

The moment, the moment she starts doing anything on them, she's like, are you okay? You're bleeding a lot in there. And I was like, am I? And every time I go to the dentist, I come out and I literally, my retainers fill up with blood and I'm literally like, oh, really? You know, when people do their things of like, when I'm walking in the dark on my own, I walk like this, so people think, don't touch her, she's fucking mad. That's me when I come out of the dentist. Let them fill up with blood. No one will touch it.

Yeah. But yeah, she did say. So you bleed a lot in general, do you think? Yeah. Do you bleed a lot when you have a cut? Or when you have like a shaving cut? Oh, no. Maybe it's just your mouth and your vagina.

Maybe I don't have healthy gums. She was just trying to make me feel better. Yeah, maybe. I felt great until I come out filled with blood. But that is the thing. And when we were at the hospital, he did say, how does she... Has she been tested for that, haemophilia? She's going through all of that.

Okay. She's got a lot of testing. No, we've got a lot of testing. From here now to October, she's like back-to-back hospital appointments for lots of different things, which is great because Roxanneville's heard. You know, Embers getting the help that she needs. But yeah, they did ask, does she bleed? a lot when she's brushing her teeth, when she cuts herself, does she bleed a lot? So I didn't know the two were linked. Yeah, in all honesty. Maybe it's that. And like Tasha says, you can manage that.

You can't. Yeah. That's not. Thanks, Tasha, so much. I really appreciate that. And thank you as well on behalf of Roxanne because she is definitely so incredibly grateful for the love that she's received. Yeah. From the episode. All right, we've got another one here. It says, hello, lovely ladies. Hello. I've just been listening to the latest episode, the A&E, week and what a week it was I could relate to so much of it. I started my period when I was just nine years old. Although that was very young, I suffered extremely badly. I often had to miss school, underwent numerous tests and experienced such heavy bleeding that I had to wear adult nappies daily. I would pass out, be on the floor screaming in pain, unable to sit or walk and

completely drained. I dreaded my period every single month. I saw countless gynecologists, consultants and GPs, but was repeatedly told it was just a period and that all girls experience this. I felt helpless and just tried to carry on as normal. Eventually at 22, I had my first surgery to investigate whether I had endometriosis or anything else going on. It turned out I had stage three endometriosis. My philopian tubes were stuck together and it had spread all over my bowel, bladder and womb. Oh my gosh. Over the years, I've tried the pill, tranexamic acid, implants, injections to induce menopause and now the marina coil. While the coil has stopped my periods. I still experience daily pain and discomfort and I can absolutely tell

when my period would be due if it weren't there. I really sympathise with Ember. It breaks my heart that all these years on, women's health still hasn't progressed much further. Love, a 27-year-old anonymous girlie from Jersey Channel Islands. How awful. Yeah, so the, the, the, trachy, I'm like trammatamic acid. Tramatamic acid. You spoke about this last week, didn't you? What is that? So that is basically a pill to stop you bleeding. Right. Whether that's with any, that's with any Anything. So that's, not just periods. No, no, that just literally stops you from bleeding if you're, if you're bleeding.

And that is only a temporary fix. And the only problem with that is when you stop taking that. So they basically gave that to Ember for three days, where you're meant to have three weeks. Oh, okay. Or stop when you've completely stopped bleeding because actually that stops bleeding. Then it comes back worse if you don't complete the course of medication. So that is important and so effective. It's such a wonderful medication because within.

in three days, Ember was completely, had completely stopped bleeding. She has gone on to neuristerine, which that with the other ones is basically like a form of contraceptive. So she was having the tablets to stop her bleeding. And then she had the one that was like more of a hormone. But the only thing that comes with that is she is only 12. She is absolutely diddy. So now she's on a massive emotional rollercoaster of hormones because it's a lot.

And they did say at the hospital, the only thing that's going to work, is a coil and we can't give her a coil. Too young. You and me now, I'd struggle now with having a coil, you know, but to put that into her at 12 years old. But that's literally the only thing that they can do to try and control her hormones. But I started my period at 9.

Luckily, I've never really struggled. That's so young. I mean, it's so young to start a period anyway, but to have a period and be going through it and for them to be so awful. And she didn't even get to Esten until she was 22. So that was like over 10 years of painful periods and nappies and passing out. Adult nappies, nine years old.

Yeah. Which is it all through school every month. And it's really annoying because there was an episode at Ember's school as well where she was having the really bad period and wasn't able to get through a certain amount of lessons or she'd get to school and had bled through all of her clothes. So would then ask Roxanne, like, I'm here and I've already changed myself three times. Can you come and get me? So school was either she was going but coming back or she'd

only make it to the school gate and would walk home covered, like drenched in blood and be like, mum, I just can't, I just can't do it. But there she goes. And called her a name, obviously with reference to her surname, but just had called her, oh, you're going off for a bunk again, are you? You're bunking off again. Oh, my gosh. And I, you know, I've got so much respect for people, anybody in jobs, teachers, whatever, but when you're making such a derogatory comment to a girl who's going through,

because she is a girl. She's not a woman She's a young lady She's going through all of this And to make a derogatory comment So then Ember was like I don't want to go and sit in that classroom When he's making comments to me

And it's just really for me It just really bothers me There's not enough talk on You know Women's Health And I say this to my brother Like When I was talking to my brother about it

Roxanne was like Oh should we talk to Richie And Richie is wonderful Like he's the I always say that he's the The level between me and Roxanne So I'm either and Roxanne's either and Richie kind of mellows us both out in the middle and I said I think it's

best to tell Richie I am one forever going to talk in front of my son about periods we talk about Ember's experience in front of all the boys to make sure that there is a time that if it ever happens to a girl that my son is going to have the respect to help her to support her to make sure she feels okay and make sure she feels comfortable equally to bias as well but also knowing that when our daughter's big enough Chris can do everything that he can to support because we never had that communication in our house growing up. It was very, like, taboo growing up, wasn't it? We used to have a separate assembly to the boys.

The girls just used to go off for like an afternoon, have an assembly about periods and get loads of free sanitary products. And then he'd all come back together and everyone would hide the sanitary products in their bag because it was so embarrassing. Oh, I got a tampon to the back of my head because one of the boys had got a hold of it

and just soaked a tampon and launched it at the back of my head. And I was just walking around with a tampon stuck to my head and everyone was laughing at me, you know? I hope we've moved on from now. I hope we've moved on from that. I hear loads more people talking about it now. Like my friends that are suffering with like endometriosis and adenomyosis and stuff like that. I do see a lot more people talking about it. But these are women in their 30s and 40s now.

And they've probably suffered for years with their period. Yeah. With no one really taking them seriously. No one really listening. And it's just awful. I feel sorry for people that have had to go through that. And it's hard, isn't it? Because we are in that, oh my God, it's only your period. Yeah. Yeah. Because some people bleed once a month and that's it. Like, I've never really had any symptoms of my period. Obviously, it's a bit of an inconvenience. But like, it's been fine. been manageable my whole life. But some people are really going through it.

And it's just, especially when they're so young as well, I feel. It's wild, is it? I feel awful. I do feel awful. I do feel awful. It's a really hard time. But we just got to keep on talking about it. Keep on talking about it.

Keep raising awareness to it. And don't be afraid to talk about it in front of the boys. I think to this day my dad doesn't know that I have periods. I'm 38 in July. And I think my dad doesn't know I have periods. Because it's just not something I would have ever said to my dad. Like Chris will happily, if I'm having a really bad period, which after the children, my periods have got worse. But since after Redley, they're horrific.

Chris will happily just go to the shop and buy sanitary products. He's got no, he's got no worry in the world, which is what I want him to be able to do and feel comfortable. If Dotty one day is like, mum's out, can you help me? I need some stuff, you know? Yeah. Because otherwise, when are we going to have the time to talk about it? My dad didn't have much choice. He used to carry our tampons around in his bum bag. I think he, yeah, he had no choice. choice really blesses up. They're surrounded by women. But Stefan grew up a bit like that.

He's got two older sisters and a mum and no clue about anything. Like the youngest boy was totally shielded from all stuff like that. So now I'm like, let me tell you. Let me tell you. But sit down, my guy. Sit down. A few facts to share with you this evening. And listen up, Joseph, because you're not too young to learn either.

Oh, well, thank you so much for your messages. Yeah, thank you. Have any, sorry, I'll cut you off then. No, I just wanted to say they were lovely messages. They were lovely messages. It's a lovely topic to cover. If you have anything you'd like to add, then why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram.

And we'll be back after this. Welcome back. We've got one more message from the correspondence for us. Stop it now. I know. I'm spoiling you today. What a treat. It says, hi, Sof and Emma. Hello.

I was just listening to your episode where the mum wrote in asking for advice about her kids sharing a room and I thought I'd chime in. Yes. I have a three-year-old, a two-year-old and a 10-month-old. Oh, this is divine. And they all share a room. Stop it now. We live in staff housing at my husband's work and moved into the house when I was pregnant with our third.

We knew it would be a bit of a squeeze but decided to do it anyway for the lifestyle and the savings. Oh, I want to know what job he does now. I want to, one, that. I'm thinking, can I move in? Can I show a room? It's a bit of a squeeze. Oh, but, you know.

I'm a little. I'll squeeze it in somewhere. Yeah. If you've got three in a room, what's four in a room? What's four? What's another one? What's another one? You know, there were four in the bed.

Our living area is quite large and because the kids are still young, we figured they probably don't need the privacy older kids might need yet, so sharing would be fine. My kids have always shared rooms, but even though my older two are great sleepers, I was still nervous about the transition when they started sleeping together. My youngest is still up once a night, my second sleep talks and my oldest snores, but they all sleep soundly next to each other. I said to you, I think it's the sound of them, isn't it? The sound of each other, yeah. Even in the mornings, if one wakes up early, the others generally sleep through the noise. Bedtimes can be a bit tricky sometimes, but if you push through, they do get used to it.

My main advice would be, set good routines and stick to them. My kids try to push boundaries around bedtime sometimes but as long as I stay consistent they know what to expect which is so important when you've got multiple kids sharing a room. Overall they love sharing and playing in each other's beds or cot during the day it's a really fun way for them to grow up together all the best Zoe from New Zealand

Zoe can you just let us know what job your husband does too? Yeah army I'm thinking maybe do you think that's when you normally get staff housing isn't it Oh you don't know something military One should never hush home Woohoo you never know or like um I hope he's like an MI5 Spy?

Spire. She won't be able to tell us that. No, she wouldn't be able to tell us that. Actually, don't tell us that, though, because don't want to blow your cover. Doctor? Doctor? Staffhouse for doctors?

Vicar. Oh, yes. I'm trying to think all the other ones now. You get a vicarage. Yeah, but you'd get quite a big vicarage, wouldn't you? Vickrish is... Oh, yeah. Well, I was vicar a dibbley?

What was us? Did you have a little one-bedroom cottage? She had a very nice house. Yes, she did. I guess it depends where you're a vicar. I feel like we've just... We've worked. We've worked your husband. We've just given him his own job.

That's wonderful, isn't it? Yes. And that's what we said. I think you've just got to stick to a good, like she said, so he said, stick to a good routine. But I think just bite the bullet and do it. I think they do, like, we said this as well, they do get used to new things very quickly. You've just got to like stick with it for like a, I don't know, a couple of weeks.

I've been doing a lot of solo bedtimes this week because the fans away. Dummy, no dummy? Dummy, obviously. I'm waiting for you to say I've chucked the dummy. No, she can't do it. She's still doing it at nursery. But she sees my muggy face and she's like, dummy. Watch out.

And I'm like, yes, you may have seven dummies in your cot. But I'm thinking it's been really hard to like, because Joseph has been a nightmare going to bed at the moment. Like last two nights he's gone to bed at nine o'clock. Oh, it's the clock change. It's absolutely killing me. It's the fucking light evenings. It's killing me.

But I've thought, because it's such a faf putting her down and trying to keep him entertained because he insists on coming in the room and not being quiet. And I'm like, shut off. If you're in here, she won't go to sleep. And the whole thing, I'm upstairs for about. two to two and a half hours, I'm like, this has got to stop. That does have to stay. So I have been thinking, fuck it.

If I've got to sit with her and then sit with him for ages, put them in one room. Why don't just half my time and put them in together? Yes. So if you don't. I'll come home and be like, why is Sadie's got in Joseph's room? Or just chuck her in the double bed. I'll tell you no lies.

Just shut up and go to fucking sleep. Honestly, I'm on the verge. Close your eyes. I'm on the verge of trying it. So have you done it? No. Oh, please do it? Do you think I should try it?

Yeah. You might be pleasantly surprised. But I get worried about all these things that Zoe mentioned. It's like, Sadie wakes up earlier than Joseph, so will she wake him up early? But Zoe's saying it's fine. I think it's fine. Renner's never waked up. No.

Never wake her up. I don't know, I might. And there was a, what was he? She was five when he was born. Yeah. And he never wake her up. These summer evenings are fucking me up, man. Yeah.

Just drink a lot of Prosecco. You'll be asleep in the gardener. She'd be running loops around you. I'll be asleep before. I said that to Joseph last night. I'll be asleep before you. He's like, yeah? All right then.

I don't give a sure. Okay, well, I can't trust you because you're four years old. Anyway, thank you, Zoe. Thank you, Zoe, so much. You threw me off with an extra correspondence. I know. Have we got a secret this week? Let's get into the secret.

Oh, okay. Oh, I thought you were going to tell me no secret. No, I've got another one. Oh, okay. All right, this says, hi, lovely ladies. Hello. OG listener over here. Oh, go on, Gil!

Thank you. On a recent trip to a wildlife park during the Easter holidays, my daughter, Theo Rose, was standing watching the rhinos. Suddenly, she shouted in front of a very quiet crowd of people. Yes, that's got to be the boy one, Mommy, I can see it's balls. Why a five-year-old so unapologetically honest, Kira in Gloucestershire?

Yes, she's not wrong. I've got a really funny secret to share. Is it balls related? I don't even know if I can say it out loud. I don't even know if I can say it out loud. It's just, it just, do you know what? We're in an era of Renly obviously learning to talk and it's very funny. Yeah.

Very, very funny. and we're now in an era of Colby saying things that are so, so inappropriate, but he's got no idea what it means. So it's a very funny stage of life in that he's saying things, being that he's big and grown up, and he's saying funny things, and really saying funny things, I just spend my, some days I go to bed right,

and my face aches because I laugh so much throughout the days because I just think if people fucking heard some of the shit that's being said in my home. Is Renly picking up on things that Colby's saying as well? Yes, Renly calls me Big Back. Instead of what? Mum. Or he says, yo, be back! And he says it was such.

Because Colby just keep saying, like there's a song or something where she's got a big back. And Colby would be like, Mom, you got a big back. Because it doesn't really know what he's saying. So Rennie just goes, Yo, Big Back! And I'm like, sorry, who the fuck? Excuse you? Are you calling a Big Back?

So no, yeah, there is things that they say crap. Like if they go, oh, crap. Because they say crap really funny. Obviously, it's only in the house. They never say it out. That's a very light swear there. So now he goes, quap, quap.

And it's just, it does more. He'll ride his scooter 10 times into the door and just go, quab, quap. And I'm like, oh, I can't really tell you off because it's fucking. It's so funny. It is. And then they wet themselves because he's saying crap.

Yeah, and obviously he knows that he's getting a reaction then. And they all just go past the lounge door going quip, quep, quep, quip. And I'm like, it's all a load of crap here, guys. It's just funny, isn't it? It is so funny. And if anybody can't laugh at the big bulls of the rhinoceros. Balls is just such a funny word as well. Joseph said to me, because you know we're having a lot of questions about like death and the body at the moment,

he said to me the other day, why is my wheelie attached to my balls? Yeah. And I was like, well, there's probably a story about. semen there but I think you're too young. So I just went, I don't know. And then he goes, why is my wee yellow? Did you tell him? Yellow? Yeah. I was like, I don't know. And the other day he just goes to me, he just, he'll come into the room with like what looks like a really important question. And then he like, the other day he went, what happens to be shower in the cinema? Shower? Shout. Oh, okay. What happens to be shout in the library?

I'm like, oh, nothing. I've tried it. Joseph, let me tell you, it's a very scary time. Run for your fucking life and never go back to the library ever again. Because it's, They will fucking kill you. Books are flying everywhere. Well, he says to me, the bottom line is, will I go to jail? That's like the question. Always. That's the follow-up question always.

So I was like, will I take my yellow way to jail? Yes, he will, so don't do it. They take it very seriously. Did you take to him about the seaman? No. Oh, no. No, I think he's too little for that. Because I assume that's why Willie is attached to your balls, but I don't really know why.

Is it? I guess so. What, so the semen can come out? So that the jiz can come out and, you know. To be honest, I'm very great. for most days I don't have a willie. I can imagine they're an inconvenience.

But you have got two sons and they might ask you these questions. So you need to be prepared. Yeah. Okay. I feel that's Chris's realm. Yeah. Because I don't really know how to clean a Willie.

I shouldn't there. I should just been like, yeah, ask Daddy. Yeah. And it's definitely like, I don't know. Like, there's going to be a point where Colby's going to ask like how to properly clean his Willie.

I can't show him. I've never cleaned one. Yeah. Apart from like baby wipe. Yeah. And there's a little bit of poo in there on there. Wovet around. I can't do any more than that.

If you've got to do all the jazz of cleaning it and stuff. Yeah, no, that's not for you. That's not for you. Only because I don't know what I'm doing. No. No. Make him hurt himself. Yeah, to pull that really hard.

Ah! No, I can't. I can't. It terrifies me. I know. It terrifies me. It is scary. It's scary.

It's scary having a Willie. You've got to love the William Balls chat. You have got to love the William Balls chat. Any big back mums out there? Come to our live show. You can email us hello at secretmanpod.com. We're just rolling with that outro. You're going to roll with that outro of me just claiming that I'm a big back,

calling all the big backs. I'm bringing it back. I don't even know what a big back is. Is it a big bum? It must be. I have no bum. Why would someone be singing about someone with a big back? I don't know.

Email us hello at secretbumpod.com, always secret bumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next next. time on the secret mom club.