Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Beanstalk

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

There’s a new addition to the Secret Mum Club gallery this week… and it’s huge. Soph and Emma are both sharing some massive life updates, there's chaos in the soft play toilets, and one little one has picked up a very cheeky phrase at home. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mum's everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. And keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. We've just had a really wild morning. We've packed so much. watching today. And I feel like it's weird doing a normal episode after what's just happened to us. I feel like this is this is going to follow on from what's just happened. So if you haven't heard Thursday's episode, you need to go back. Yeah. Back because otherwise you're just going

to spoil everything for yourself if you carry on listening. So this is your cue. Have you gone? What are you still doing here? Right. No, seriously. No. Fuck off. Go back to Thursday. And then come back. Okay. Leave it at this point and then come back. We had two surprise guests. Yes. In to the podcast. Yeah. by the names of Stefan and Chrissy. Yeah, they finally made it in. Chrissy was phenomenal.

Stealth. To the point where it's actually quite terrifying. It's worrying. It's really worrying. Even Emma's worried for me. I am. I think Sof might be going out of a serial killer. Yeah, Dexter will call him.

He made it all the way here. I left the children at home. I dressed them, got them all ready for the day. So they're all suited and booted and ready to go. So he has said to the children, I'll say bye-bye to mummy. She's off to work today and all... Little did you know.

Little did I know they got in the car. He was following you. Followed me down to the train. Watching me because I'd miss my train. So he must have either waited for me to get on the next train or a pasted cross because I missed my train. Obviously, I left them at home. You went on the normal time train.

Being at school holidays, you stay at home. I'm going to get on the train. And yeah, I missed it. So I wonder if they sat in the car park like, fuck, we've got away for the next train. And they got on the next train. Yeah, they've got the next train after me. And then Stefan just rocked up here after.

Told you, he was texting you telling you he was going to the gym. Yeah. And you were like, he was sending me decoys going, what time are you going to be home today? Can I fit in the gym? So I was going, oh, it's not like, it's not them. He's off to the gym. It wanted some information because you've got an exciting day today. Yeah.

Yeah. We're getting, well, you should say your catch. You say yours. You say your catch up first. No, I don't want to steal your thunder. What? Well, listen. I think it's a bit of an open secret that we're moving.

It is an open secret. Yeah, but we're getting the house ready this week for our photos for the estate agent, which is going to be tomorrow. Yes. So, yeah, I'm sitting here drinking prosceco for our birthday episode. I should really be decluttering my house. Because Stefan's already told us if you didn't listen to the episode, it's actually really messy. Yeah. She leaves glass of water.

Slagging me off for being untidy. She leaves water everywhere. Oh, sorry about drinking water. Sorry about staying hydrated. Yeah, don't stay hydrated. It's very important, actually. Yeah. So, yeah, so that's where we're at.

And I've told my other job on the radio that I'm moving. But it's not happening for a while. I don't get them a lot of notice. I keep saying she's leaving, but she says, all I'm doing is just not renewing my contract at the end of the six months. So it's like, you make it sound dramatic. You're like, you've handed in your resignation.

Yeah, you have. You're leaving. You're never going to go back. Well, you might do if this doesn't work out. But listen. Like and subscribe. Yeah. Yeah.

Make sure you're following. If the podcast doesn't work out, I will be back in London in six months time. Yeah, we are obviously doing the relocate, but you need to update everyone on what the hell's happening with you. I did have, I've had a very, it's been a well win of a year so far seven months and I had a very open and honest conversation on my Instagram that is a topic I'd really like to bring to the podcast because I feel like it's something that, not that I've been hiding how I've been feeling, but it's been something that's been very sensitive I think to talk about. So I had a very open conversation on my Instagram if you, if you saw it, thank you for all the love that I had on that because not that I found it difficult to talk about. I think maybe I haven't wanted to talk about it because I've kind of. of not not known how to deal with it in my own head but while in the midst and has been a very long year we have actually been in the process of moving a house yeah so we are and to be

honest i haven't one i haven't spoken about it because i do have an incredible amount of friends on my social media platforms and my priority is always to protect the children and keep them as safe as i possibly can so putting our house online was terrifying And we put it on for a couple of weeks and then we took it off. And when I tell you, it's been a year process. Like it's not just that it's happened in the last couple of weeks. It has been probably since we had Renly and then we split the bedrooms and we were like, we need to think about what we're going to do because this isn't going to last forever in a two.

Because in effect, we're in a two bedroom bungalow. And my niece and nephew come around who are 16 and 14, nearly 14. And they take up the whole lounge. like they'll lie down flat on their tummies you know like teenagers do and they take the whole lounge so it's something that's been in the process for for i would say well over a year now um and having the house move the car accident having very traumatic health after having rennie sent me into a bit of a spiral but i'm definitely on the brighter side i definitely feel like i'm coming back because i feel like we touched on it briefly didn't wait a few months ago where i said i just don't feel like on myself yeah but but But after many people putting an offering and it falling through, putting an offering and it bawling through, I never want to fucking move house ever, ever again. It's one of the most stressful things in life you can do. I'm so fucking over it. And we're not even in there yet.

And I don't even think when this episode goes out that we're in yet. You're so close, though. We're so close. You're at the end of the process and we're at the start of it. We are at the end. Poor am, I feel like I've fucking traumatised you with this. No, I know. I know it's going to be a nightmare.

And then producer, Mads has been going through moving as well. Yeah. She's going to go, so with all of our information to you. It's just never fun. No. So it has been a very long year, but my priority was to keep the baby safe. I didn't want to talk about it as well because you just don't know this process. And had I've started talking about it back in July when we were doing it,

I'm somebody that doesn't know, you don't know what's going to happen. I didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah, it was kind of like. Yeah, can always fall through. We change our mind. We have an extension. We reviewed every avenue because my, my, it's been emotional in the fact that the bungalow has my whole heart. I didn't want to move.

I still am very emotional about it. And somebody that's really struggling with it is dotty. Is she? Yeah. Yeah, she's not coping with it well at all. We're doing things like creating memory books and time capsules and things to make it as special as we can because she just doesn't want to move. And that's okay. I had, you know, with three children, I expected one to maybe be struggling with the process.

And that's okay. I'm struggling with it. I'm very emotional about it. It took me a lot of, to come to terms with wanting to do it. And it's the only reason we are moving is just so the children have their own space. Yeah. We're not going to anywhere lavish or, I was going to say too much bigger. We're moving to a house.

So I feel like going from a two-bed buglow to a house. It's going to feel bigger. Yeah. Yeah. But you need more space. Yes. Yeah. So yeah, it's a very exciting journey and I'm very grateful for you putting up with all my shit. It was a bit of a giveaway when you started posting videos on your Instagram with you on the treadmill.

I was like, I think people are probably going to ask why you got loads of boxes in the background. And I've kept it for so long. I've kept it for over a year. I know. For so long I haven't spoken about it. Did loads of people message you? Go, what's all that shit in the back? Yeah. Are you moving? No, I don't know. Whatever gave you that as big fucking moving down on the... Yeah. But the thing is as well is, it's been really hard to film in the house because all the kitchen utensils are gone the utility room

apart from the pantry and the fridges and freezers is empty there's nothing apart from like the food bits that we're eating I've got no I've got no frying pans

because we were obviously meant to move at the end of June and then it all fell through and we had to start the process again so we have had I would say we've had our fair share of shit but it's gone through

now we're getting to the final bit is going through nice and quick but we just had we've just got nothing all my winter clothes have been packed up up. Trainers have all been packed up. I can only wear a pair of sandals. There's nothing in the loft, Christmas decorations, everything. When I tell you, everything is boxed, bar the bits that we're basically living in week by week, we have nothing. I've been doing that. Teddies have gone. So the

rooms are empty. So when I'm filming in the house, it's so hard because I'm like, oh, no, that Dossie's room's completely empty. Or readily has no furniture. Well, part of what he has, you know, has his little bits of furniture. But yeah, it's a stranger. All the shelves are gone, all the pictures are down. I've got nothing personal in the house because obviously where we were having viewings as well, I've taken all pictures out of the house. Oh yeah. Because, you know, I'd not, I feel like whether I was on social media or I wasn't, I don't think I would have allowed, would have left, sorry, not allowed, left pictures up of pictures of the children, you know. Yeah. And like when you have the, like we're about to have the pictures taken, when you have

the pictures taken for the estate agent, you don't want like things that can identify you in the pictures really. Yeah. Yeah. Like those pictures of the children in the bath, not that you can see anything. Yeah, but I feel like they're very sensitive pictures. Yeah. So we took all of that down and we took, you know, all the pictures are down, packed, bubble wrapped, put away, boxes. And it's been wild. I won't like. I've just been so grateful for the sun and being able to be in the garden.

I know. You're so lucky. It's been so nice. Because otherwise in the house, we ain't got nothing. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's okay, Doc, because we're, we had a date. We had a moving date. We had everything set to go.

It's like, this is brilliant. We're going on this date. Packed all the children's toys up. I can't fucking find. I can't find the boxes. They're knee deep in the loft. I've got them in the loft. I've got them in the bottom of my wardrobe.

I've got them under the bed. I've got them in the playroom in the garden. I've got them in the shed. Every crevice. You don't know where anything is. All the kitchen cupboards are all boxed. Oh, it's so stressful. So stressful.

It's so much harder when you've got kids as well. Like if it was just like last time we moved, it was just me and Stefan. I was actually heavily, heavily pregnant with Joseph. But like, you don't really have to consider anyone else. Whereas like with this move is so much more stressful because not only you move in a cross country. Really, really far away. But we're moving, like, the kids and all their stuff.

And, like, again, getting the house ready for pictures. We're, like, decluttering all the toys, like, getting all the toy baskets out. They're going to be like, where's all my shit gone? What am I going to play with? We're going to have to be getting stuff in and out because it's got, like, stuff everywhere. It looks so messy. Yeah. And then, like, you say, like, the emotional attachment as well.

Like, places that I've moved from before, I either haven't been there long or I haven't had, like, so many, like, life moments and memories. But the thought of moving from this house where both my children home to, I was pregnant in. like it's the first proper house me and Stefan owned and we're moving completely out of London and they're moving nursery and like Joseph's going to be aware enough to be like where we're moving to we're going to have to get him used to adapting

like there's so much more to it this time that it's just I feel like it's going to be so much harder so many people say oh your family is what makes the home and I truly truly believe that I'm such a person that it doesn't matter where I am as long as I'm with Chris and the babies that's home for me Everything else is replaceable.

I always think of things that are replaceable. You know, us five as a family is that is home. So I'm aware like all of that. But it's just I think because all, and do you know what? I do feel better in the fact that all three babies came home to that house. Yeah. We didn't have three separate houses or they all came.

But in a way that makes it worse because you're like, it holds so many memories, isn't it? And we toyed through and we toyed through the options of one extending the bungalow. And that worked out to be really, really expensive. and then we looked at the option of having a second mortgage and then doing that one like a let to buy to rent that one and rent that one out and it's a lot involved and as much as it is a great investment for the children's future

there's a lot involved with having that and then I was just like I just don't know I kind of feel if we're going let's just start our next adventure like this is such exciting adventure for us and the children get all of their own rooms I'm just so, I'm so emotional about it. I feel like I can't talk about it without crime because I just don't, in my heart I don't think I'll be ready. Like I don't even think, I don't know if I'll, I think I'm what I'm scared of is I don't want to regret it.

Yeah. But I also don't want to question what if if we don't move because I'm such a what if debater, you know. I think we're both moving for the right reasons. Like we need more space for our families. Like we're moving to be near good schools and stuff. Like it's all going to be good stuff in the long run. but I think actually doing it is quite like...

It's a lot of attachment to it. It's going to be quite painful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there you go. That's what I've been doing. Huge one. Huge. Could have been a secret. Could have been a secret of the week.

Could have been my secret of the week. I feel like it's not a fucking secret though, is it anymore. People would be like, this is your secret of the week. We already fucking knew, honey. We've seen all your boxes. See the boxes in the background. All right, Sherlock Holmes. But no, I can't fucking wait.

I'm open the episode that follows this. We've moved. Yeah. But I've got a funny feeling in my stomach in my stomach in my, might not. And also to throw into the mix of my health along with the asthma, my PTSD moving house, the car accident this year, trying to recover after having a baby and get my body back to normal, just fucking randomly starting bleeding after my period.

Booked in my smear, didn't I? Yes. Which for today and then I was like, stupidly booked on the Wednesday. I had to reschedule it because I just had my period two weeks ago, started bleeding. Again. But then I'm hoping it's stress. I'm hoping it's a stress of everything. Maybe you just got a regular periods after having a baby.

Maybe, maybe. It could be that. I need to go back to the doctor about my PCOS. I know. You've not reschedule it though. And I've never, never been one to worry about me periods. Yeah.

They were always a bit all over the place they weren't they before? No, no, I've always been quite a regular gal. I thought they were like always very frequent before. I don't know. But anyhow, back on my period, just to really fuck shit up. I think we've synced up like sisters because I'm coming on at the same time as you. Sister, sister. Well, I think we need to like live together for that to work.

I mean, we spend enough time here together. Did know how much you're a bleeding. It's just the. It's just the Unagi. We don't even need to be near each other geographically. We just psychic is in our bones. Yeah. It's the birthday as well.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello. We can find us on TikTok and Instagram.

Just search Secret MumPod or you can email us hello at secretmumppod. And don't forget to follow. Okay. Follow like and subscribe. Hit the comment. section. It's time for the correspondence corner.

I feel so free now I've let that go. Do you? Yeah, I do. That must have been a heavy weight on your shoulders. Like when you're constipating, you just let our massive pose. So relieving. Or when you're windy and you're,

oh, let rip. You know, when the farts are so gassy and then you actually feel them come, You know, when they come out and your stomach goes down, you think, oh, thank you for that. Been older than him. Better out than him. So, Emma, take it away, please, with number one. Number one?

What? I love a number one. I love a number two. Yeah, clear this bowel. We've got another gallery submission here. Cue the music. Cue the music. All right, this says, hello ladies.

I wrote in a while ago about the poo explosion on a cruise ship. Oh. Have you watched Poo Cruise? Yes, I did. Yeah, I did. Have you watched it? Not yet. It's on my list.

Fucking you're asking me. wish list. I'm too busy. I'm too busy with... Ain't no one wishing to watch that. I'm too busy with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Poopin in a bag. I know, we're on the DCC, aren't we?

DCC. She said to me this morning, do you want to start learning the, um... Thunderstruck. To be fair, she can't even get her leg up above her. I got my leg higher than you. It's embarrassing. Their legs are up by their face.

My legs... I'm not going to lie, it's brutal though, isn't it? Savage, isn't it? I love it, though. I'm addicted. I'm obsessed. I'm like, bitch, you ain't making the cut. You start.

don't you start watching you think oh god they're really savaging and then you're like that leg you have delayed bitch yeah yeah you're actually a second behind time get out of here return your kit immediately and leave at the stadium i don't that's not how they talk but that's how it's very accurate thanks anywho yeah sorry back to our texas sorry okay this says i recently listened to you talking about children's drawings and how innocently hilarious they are well it's the last week of school for my son, Storm. Oh, Stormy, baby!

So as expected, he's come home with lots of drawings he's done throughout the year. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. It's given Kardashian. Okay, Kylie Jenner. Including a drawing he made of Daddy and his huge beanstalk. What the hell? Which also happened to be on a wanted background. Okay, like a wanted poster.

As in the band? No, I think like a... Pao-Pao! Yes, Pao-Pau. Cherit. Parole. Country and Western. Cherries. Reach for the sky. All the joys of children. Loving the pod.

ever stop. Best wishes to you both Eden and Storm. Make names. Their name. Eden obviously, Phenom. Yes. My niece. At Stormy. Storm. But it's beautiful names. Yes. Ready? Right. Picture of Dad and his big beanstalk. Here we go.

Is it big beanstalk? Huge beanstalk. Huge beanstalk. Right. Oaky dokey. Oh wow. I'm going to say that's Dad in his very huge bean stalk. It's quite graphic, isn't it?

Holy moly. Dad's beanstalk's nearly bigger than his head. That's a big load to carry, isn't it? I will say it. I would just like to ask, what is this tiny little bean up here? Above the head. Yeah. We might need storm just a little bit of a... Exhalation on that. Yeah, what is the little bean? Above dad's head. Yeah, is that the special gold bean from Jack? That's the golden egg from the chicken. Yeah. And then is this the bean? There's the bean stalk down there. I will say, it doesn't matter the size.

of the beanstalk it's more what you do with it. It's how much the beanstalk grows. Yes. Yeah. How much it grows and how much you... It's how you use it that counts. And how you water that beanstalk. Yeah. Yeah. I believe it needs a lot of watering and if you leave it, it will just shrivel up. And die. This is wonderful. Yeah, I bet Dad was thrilled when he bought that home. Yeah. Dad is wanting, I think, someone to help him with his beanstalk. So lovely. I'm going to say, Would you like that on your side or would you like me to? I'm looking a bit sparse actually

Oh you say it every fucking time Yeah but you still have got more than me You got one in the bush over there Let me just have my beanstalk Go on then you can have dad's big dick Beanstalk I mean Sorry storm about her Sorry about that

It's a lovely beanstalk One of the nicest ones I've ever seen So you can get in touch with us literally Yeah anything Anything anything We'll talk about anything for you dear Yes, anything. Yes.

Oh, for you, dears, anything. Oh, is that it, guys. I'll do anything, anything, anything for you. Thank you. It can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous. We've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together, and we know that we are, we're all stars, and we see that. Right, secret of the week.

Are you ready? Yeah. I have a check got two belters this week. Okay. Two? You should go one or two. Oh, yeah, I'll choose. Yeah, yeah, okay.

You just think of them in your mind. Yes. Okay. One or two, one or two. One, please. Nice, okay. Good choice. Great choice.

They're both phenomenal. I'll go to the other one for next week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, we need to set the scene. Okay. Six-year-old's birthday party. Yeah. Soft play.

Love it. We're a guest. It's not our party. Okay. End of day, after school, we go to a soft play party for Dottie. Boys party, but it was a mix of boys and girls. which I thought was totes cute. Yeah.

So if I say to Dotty, do you want a party for your birthday? She's like, yeah, but no boys are invited. No, really? Yeah. I'm like, I think we should reciprocate like they gave us an invitation. Yeah, they should come to yours as well, yeah. No. Okay, maybe we just won't have a party.

But anywho, right? So we're all there. We're all mingling with the parents. All the children are in and out. But we are the only ones there, bar a few couple of people just plotted around. Okay. So I'm there and I've had two coffees. And I decided, oh, do you know, I'm just going to go to the two.

toilet. I don't really like using toilets in the soft play because children and toilets. Yeah. Yes. So I thought, do you know what? I'm going to go. So I entered to the toilet and there was this little voice and she was saying a name, but it wasn't mum. It was like Moora or Maureen. I couldn't really hear it. It was a little bit, you know, broken. And I was like, oh, do I say anything? And then I was like, I don't want to be that parent that's talking to a child in the toilet. And I was like, to I ask if she's okay, does she need help? But she sounded jolly. She was like, Maura! that you. I was like, so I'm just walking in the door.

And I was like, oh, do I say anything at this point? I was like, no, do you know what? I'm going to, I think if I don't answer, then she won't ask again. Moran, is that you? Are you playing games? And I was like, oh God, I still didn't know whether to answer. By this time, I got into the cubicle, took my pants down, sat on the toilet. I was just there having my way and I thought, oh, I'm just going to leave it.

Now it's gone a little bit quiet. She peered her head straight under my cubicle. In a split second I nearly kicked her in the face I didn't know what to do My reaction was to just You know, just kick her What are you doing?

Midstream, everything going on, Fufi fully out She saw everything And I was like No, I'm not Maureen I didn't know what to say I'm not Maure or Moira I don't know

I'm sorry I should have answered sooner I'm not her I'm not I'm sorry I didn't know And she was just like And I didn't know what to say I didn't know

Gow, go out. How old was she, would you say? Six. About six. Yeah, probably five or six. Was she from your party? No, no. She was just one of the ones lingering in.

And I didn't know what to do. So I sort of finished having a wee because I needed a wee. And then I was mid-wee and then the process of her poking her head under the cubicle made me panics. And then I stopped my wee. And then I finished come out and I was trying to scout around. And then I said to Chris, I've just really kicked a girl in the face. Chris was like, well, fucking hell. What sort of party is this?

I was like, well, she's six. But she peered her head under my cubicle. She's six, but she deserved it. And you were going to kick her in the face. I was like, yeah. And he goes, wouldn't you just answer her back? And I was like, I don't know. I was so under pressure in that moment as to what I was meant to do.

If I was to answer. Yeah, what are you supposed to do? I should have said, oh no, sorry, darling. It's not me. You're okay. Was she looking for her mom or something? And then I thought, what, if I offer help and she comes out and she needs a bum wiped, I don't want to be in the situation.

You know? Yeah. There were so many things that could have spiraled on from now. I was trying to go with the innocent of just, maybe she would just wait. Probably, probably was wrong to do what I did. I didn't kick her, obviously, but just maybe not answer back. I was wrong to do what I did. I regret it.

I couldn't find her. I reckon she's gone for her mum and gone. I've just looked under someone's cubicle. We need to get the fuck out. Did she ever find, Moira? Moorah, Moorim. I don't know. She wasn't there.

She disappeared, like in a flash, straight gone, out of the soft play. It's a weird one toilet etiquette. Because it's like normally when you're in a cubicle, like if there's only one cubicle, sometimes people knock on the door. Even when it's locked, don't they? And I say, is there anyone in there? Or I put a hand on it. You're like, yes, I'm fucking in here.

And I'm mid poo. I do, I do the hand. Have you ever done the hand under? Yeah. Or you got any, any bog roll? You got any toilet roll in there. Don't just go, hello? Yeah.

I don't just look under. She doesn't know the etiquette though. She only six. She has only six. I'll give her a juice, but she, I did nearly kick her in the face. But only because it was an instant, oh, you know? Yeah, like a natural reflex. Yeah, yeah. That's why you need cubicles that go all the way down to the floor.

But then, is that a safety has? that if you need to get out I did just get worried about that when I was little about getting trapped in there because I was a bit claustrophobic I didn't like one where I couldn't escape

I still do now I often don't lock toilet doors for that reason actually sometimes we like this I do too or I hold it yes I hover and I hold or sometimes people just push it open

I go no or I put my bag yeah in the way I just let him come in you know what fucking everyone might start coming the whole of the world is seen all anyway

I've had three children I've got nothing to home me Harry is hanging out my asshole but there we go That's my secret of the week. I don't know if anybody else has been in that situation. Yeah.

And what did they do? Yeah. What did you do? Would you have answered back? Yeah. Would you have said anything back? Would you have kicked them in the face? I think I would have said something.

I don't think I would have kicked her. I don't think anyone would have. I don't think I would have. Let's not. Yeah. I don't think we don't. No, we don't. It was just a nut, nut, knee jerk.

Knee jerk. I was saying it together then. Nerk. Knee jerk. I got you. But that's my secret of the week. So after the break, we'll be getting into some of yours. We have got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week.

So Emma, take it away with number one, please. Right, this says, hey both. I was wondering if you could give me some advice. My little boy used to be so good at self-soothing from around four months old. Sometimes he'd need a little help. Other times he'd go down on his own. He's now 10 months and he just won't self-soothe anymore. I found myself putting him down when he's almost asleep,

already asleep, because it's the only way he'll settle. I feel like he should be able to do this on his own by now Lots of my friends have babies around the same age Maybe a couple of months older And they seem to be doing it just fine How can I help my baby go to sleep more easily Without relying on me so much When I put him down, he cries and pushes me away

But if I hold and rock him It sometimes seems like he doesn't want that either Anonymous from Leicester Anonymous, let me tell you We are in the same boat I also feel like there's a lot I don't want to say comparing But we are comparing to other children

Yeah. And we don't know what's going on. Renly has never self-soved. Yeah. Renly has always had a cuddle. By self-soving, do we mean... Putting him in his cot and letting him fall to sleep. No.

What's self-soothing then? Self-soothing is when they are able to lie there and just nod off. And they are, if they cry, you can still go to the... Whether they rub a blanket on their head or they just lie. Yeah. Just naturally fall to sleep. I think at 10 months, if there is, your friends are doing it, I think that's great for their children.

But I think at 10 months, I don't think you really have anything to worry about. I'm a true believer in when they want to go to a certain degree, they will go to sleep. Maybe more activities during the day, lesser sleeps in the day, depending on his naps that he's having in the day. I don't know if he's having any naps. Rennie has one morning nap, one afternoon nap. And then that's it. He wakes from his, he has his afternoon nap between 12 and 2, which he'll sleep to maybe 3, 4 maximum. And that is it.

he is awake until 7.30, 8 o'clock when he goes down to bed. But he doesn't self-soof. How do you put him down? We either, he will nod off on the floor, but that's with everybody around him. He won't nod off in his bedroom on his own. He'll nod off in the lounge when me and Chris is like, yeah, well everybody's getting calming down for the night. He'll sit there with me and Chris and he'll just roll around and nod off, but we are in the lounge. And then you put him in his car. Then we lift him to his car. Otherwise, one of us reads a book with him and then we lie with him until he nods off so you put him in the cop but lie with him through the bars until he falls asleep yeah okay yeah yeah so and i've done that with all three of them colby was the only one that

would ever sell to them and we never did you ever try and put them down and like leave the room i don't i i can't do the crying no i've never done cry it out but i've done the put them down leave the room if they cry go back in sell them leave the room i did that with joseph and it was exhausting but i think it worked because he i did that when he was about six months and he's been at the time I like was I like the could cry every night but it worked really well and he now sleeps brilliantly and can get himself off to sleep although I would say as they get a bit older and a bit more aware since he's been two maybe he'll be like stay in holly hand now so he's been like demanding a little bit more but like you say you can explain it so like now

he'd have us in there all night if he could but I'll be like no mommy's got to go and do this now or it's my bedtime now because sometimes he's awake at nine o'clock I'm like I need to go to sleep now. I'll be like, I'll get in the shower, but he'll be like leave the door open so I can hear you. So that gets a little bit easier. But I think at 10 months, like Anonymous is saying, or even like Sadie and Renley, they're now 16 months, I didn't do any training with her. And she is exactly the same. She needs us to, she needs to either be asleep or nearly asleep until we put her down in the car. And you've got to time it just right. Like if she's ready to go, she'll just roll over and go to sleep. But sometimes you go to lower her into the car and you're

like, oh no, no, she's not ready. I've gone. too soon here and she'll be like wah and she'll cry and you can be in there for ages trying to get her back down and it's frustrating because there seems to be no right more reason with like naps and stuff I think naps are really important like if she gets a good nap in the day sometimes I'm like I know this is like this is ripe for sleep like you're tired you've had a good day you've had a good dinner you're full you've drunk your milk bottle whatever some days she'll roll over and go to sleep other days I'll follow the exact same pattern and she won't be having it at all. Yeah, no, I agree. But same token. Sometimes she'll sleep through the night.

Last night did all the same things. She had a terrible night's sleep and she was up like three times. So I don't feel like I'm someone that can offer advice on this because I feel like with Sadie, we are in such a bad place with sleep. Again, I just feel like there's so much expectation for there to be a routine right now. And as much as I think it's great to have a routine, I feel like there needs to be just some form of relaxing on that. And I just think, I'm a true believer that we take every day as it comes. Mine, I never sleep trained any of mine. Colby and Dottie sleep great.

Obviously, I know they're a lot older now. Colby used to take himself to bed. He loved his bedtime. Dottie was great from two when she could start to understand. And I am a true believer that they're only this small for a really short amount of time. So the snuggles in bed. I loved having them in the bed with me, like when they were getting tired at the end of a

night and I used to put them in my bed, watch a film with them why they nodded off. and then I transfer them to their bed. And I just think, one, I'm calm, that's calm, the babies are calm, the house is calm, and they go to bed. And I always find the calmer that they fall to sleep, the better the night's sleep is. And they're still fine up being in their bed now because me and Stefan have also got this real big thing of like not letting Joseph come in our bed. Because others, I'm like, I'm going to open the floodgates and he'll never sleep in his own bed again.

Both of mine love their beds. Yeah. And even Renly, Renly or not often our bed, but he still loves his bed and he sleeps great. He sleeps great. Oh, yeah, so he has the odd occasion when he doesn't sleep great. But I think that's just. normal yeah i think it is really normal but i think but we don't really have much advice to give on this but yeah what i would say is that there i know there's a lot of pressure and it seems like

there is a lot around you and a lot of people that are have perfect sleeping babies but it's just not your time it's really hard not to compare yourself to other people because like they'll be like my baby goes down at seven and sleeps and they'll feed off of you they'll feed off of how stressed you are the more stressed you are the more he'll feed off of that and then he will be more unsettled because he knows your heart he's the only one that knows your heart can it knows the sound of your heart because he's heard you from the inside you know and i just think that's something you can cherish forever is that you have the bond with your child and i just think that just listen to your own heart yeah follow your lead and follow your baby and do what is best for you

and try not to listen to the outside noise stay as calm as you can and just soak up these bits because let me tell you, I hate to be that condescending twat that says, oh, it goes too fast, but it really fucking does. I've sat here with a nine-year-old and a seven-old, what the fuck.

But it is frustrating though, when you're like, I get it. Like, I want my evening back. I don't want to spend it all night, like rocking you to sleep. I obviously don't want to be woken up in the night. There's things like line them in your bed to watch the telly and then you're chilling out,

they're chilling out, they're chilling out, lights are off, they've got their favorite show on and they just nod off. Getting into that routine and then moving them into their bed. Yeah. Then there's be times where I just pop randomly on the bed when he's due his morning nap

and I'll be potting around doing my hair It'll just nod off I'm like oh this is brilliant Get my morning nap without having to fight And you're getting stuff done at the same time Because I find myself being like Because I like an early bedtime as well I'll be like oh my gosh taking ages

And I need to get in the shower I need to do this I need to pack my bag for tomorrow I need to like you know I'm like constantly running through a list of things in my head And I'm like I'm running out of time I'm getting less sleep now When I have a shower

He'll be in the bedroom with me So I'll pop in the bed put Miss Rachel on Have the hairdhrer on I'll turn around He'll be fast asleep Chris is clean the kitchen. I've had a shower, Renly goes into bed and then us to her in bed

and then we still got our evening. I think it's just changing the way that you... Yeah, because the way you do it is so different to how we do it but obviously it still works and it's just maybe taking a different approach to it and not having to be like, you must go down in your cot by yourself

when you're 10 months old. Maybe that's not going to happen. Yeah. But yeah, it's a really hard one. It is like sleep dominates and mine and Stefan's entire conversations so I get how important it is. Definitely do what suits you best

and not everybody else. else yeah i do think though like she said sometimes you think you're making it better by holding them and they get frustrated yeah because they just want to push you away because they do want to go to sleep yeah yeah they are tired so sometimes i don't know maybe you can try putting him down and putting the telly on putting his favorite show on and just lying there with him in your bed give him like a it's all the smells of you as well which is incredibly soothing for children as well so yes i guess try a few things maybe change a few things yeah and see what works best for you but I definitely think you don't need to worry about anything.

Yeah, he's only 10 months. He is only 10 months and you're doing fantastic. So go you. Okay, let's have secret number two. All right, this says, hi, Sophenema. Thank you for always making me laugh with your hilarious take on parenting. It's so nice to know, we're all just doing our best and that sometimes getting it wrong is totally okay. I've got a two and a half-year-old son.

He's the light of my life and made me realize what I was missing. My husband and I decided early on not to give him any excess sugar or salt until he was at least two. Our families haven't exactly agreed with this approach. They've even tried to sneak him cakes or biscuits when we're not looking. Sometimes it makes me feel like a bad mom, like I'm depriving him of something. But we just wanted to develop his palate a bit before giving him things we know he'll love because let's be honest, who doesn't love a bit of chocolate? Yeah.

I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant. Super exciting. And we already know we're having a girl. We've agreed we'll take the same approach with her, but here's my question. Is it harder to manage rules around food when one child is allowed something and the other isn't? And if so, how do you make it work? Thanks so much. Anonymous.

Absolutely fucking not. I find it quite hard Do you? I'm on the other end of the spectrum Not hard but I guess like So is he, how old is he? He's two and a half So does he have chocolate now? He's allowed now

He was allowed until he was too Can I just say on the family Giving them things by the way That is so fucking annoying If you've made a decision about how you want a parent And also like the Easter that Joseph was first one So he was like 14 months or something Everyone was trying to buy him

A bloody Easter egg And I was like Just get him a book. They think he's losing out. I'm like, he is not losing out. He literally doesn't know what chocolate is. We don't need to introduce this now and be like, oh, it's a treat. Like he'll have a grape.

He'll have a grape. Yeah. So he'll have a grape. Yep. Doesn't need a chocolate egg. Cut into quarters though because grapes do give me the. Of course, yes. Cut them skinny.

But yeah, people are like, oh, it'd be a lovely treat for them. Not sorry parents, but the family undermining is so annoying. So fucking annoying. You've got to think, right, so way out now, you're 39 weeks, got two weeks left. is two and a half. By the time your little lady gets to the age of two, he's going to be four and nearly start in school. So when you're getting her onto chocolate treats and Chucky and whether you do happy meals, I don't know. That's not for everybody. I know that or chicken nuggets and chips. He's going to be in school. So like your whole adventure will start

and by the time, she's not going to know. Definitely. I would say Renley doesn't know now what chocolate is. No, I think. He won't go to the fridge and go, I'll have. Yeah. No, I'm not having that banana because I'll take that milkie. Exactly. I think you can get them actually to quite an old age until they really know what's going on. Like we're like that with Joseph and Sadie now. Joseph will have things that I wouldn't give to Sadie. If we go to like a pub or we like grab a meal on the motorway and he has like chicken nuggets and chips for a tree, she can have something totally different and not care about it whatsoever. He might have like an ice cream or a chocolate. I think that works with the age of your two.

Yeah. Renly just wants everything the big ones have. So I feel like the age gap between mine. Maybe. He's like, well, if he's having that, then I'll do that. Oh, he's throwing him down the stairs. Throwing himself down the stairs. Fuck it. I'll do that. Yeah, yeah.

He doesn't have any concept of like his size or what he's eating. No, it's funny because I think the age gap is so big. But Sadie will really want a copy. Like she's in a real copying phase. But he'll only take it because they've got it. She wouldn't question if I give Joseph something and not her is maybe getting to the age now where I feel a little bit unfair because I'm like, I'm giving you different things. Like you're not allowed to have that.

I don't think you've got anything to why. worry about. I think you're doing fantastic. You're right to feel annoyed at family. Stick to your guns. And you do. You do you. You're doing fantastic. I would love to know if that's worked, like developing the palate before they get. It does. Well, I did it with Colby. I didn't with Dot.

And then he became like not fussy at all. Colby eats everything. Yeah. Everything and anything. It's so good. And then I didn't do it with Dotty. Because I was always like, I want to have a child that eats anything. And we are really getting so like pigeonholed with Joseph's food now.

He's become a typical three and a half year old. he basically wants all the rubbish. Cobby eats, when I tell you there isn't nothing that boy doesn't eat. And he'll randomly go to me. I'll say to him, oh, what do you want for dinner? Dotty Blah. I'll have a jam sandwich and a packet of pombeds for dinner.

Colby's like, I'll take queer legs on a bed of cauliflower and sourdough. With a red wine shoe. With a lightly toasted sourdough and a sign of red wine juice. Oh, that's my dream to have that child. But we're really in the like, we're in the nuggets face. I love them for it. And Renly is a bit of an in-between. he is he will eat pretty much anything but is very selective on what he eats and he gets very

bored very quick so you can't just make like a batch of salmon pasta he'll eat it one day and then he's like I'm not having that again give me a chicken nugger the next day and then he's like no come back I need some oh yeah I need some fruit today oh even within one meal say he doesn't want the whole thing if he can read like a bowl of one thing no she wants the whole anti-pastity she wants the whole menu she wants to do a bit of pick and mix you know picky bits divine bit of this bit of that. Love it. You know? But I think you're doing fantastic. I think follow your heart and I feel like you'll find your way. I actually think you'll be able to get away with it for quite a long time. I think you're going to do great. Also, it's about how you frame it. Like I can still mug off the kids and be like,

oh, we've got a treat for dessert. It's fruit. I've got a treat for dessert. It's this delicious piece of watermelon. Yeah, and they love it. They do love it. And I go to them, do you know what today's treat is, two yoghers. And then Redley's literally like, Or I give him yogurt and a bowl of custard. Fuck, he'd blow his head off. Oh, yeah, they love it. Oh, my God, he's like, who wants Greek yogurt and banana? Look with a drizzle of honey.

I only after one though, don't do what I did. Yeah, don't do honey before they were. Yeah, don't do honey before one. But yeah, you can do anything. And isn't it funny as well? They don't understand what a treat is. A treat to them may be dates or prunes. Exactly.

So they don't know to them what the treat is. Yeah. A boiled egg might be a treat. Yeah. You know? I'm like, how about a beaker of tap water, guys? How about we go, fruity volvic, oh, bottled water! And they're like, what?

Yeah, you can really pull the wool over their eyes. Honestly, this is the fun thing, I think, as well, and I say to you don't I all the time, the older you get, obviously the bits change, but the, I love the, like, the magical stage, like everything's so magical, you know? I just think at this stage is so fun. Obviously, I get to do it with Friendly, and poor Colby's to be aged where he's like, yeah yeah mom because he's trying to hold it together for dot obviously he still says everything that he's obviously real and the tooth fairy way he'll go for dotty and now they're gonna do it

for rennie but he'll do the always say i'm going to bed yeah mum yeah and i'm like yeah it's like no i'm going to bet yeah yeah yeah oh i forget my own bloody tricks Colby's like, come on, mum. Get with the programme. Thank you and you do you. Keep going. You're doing great. Right, let's have our last secret.

All right. This says hi, Safina and Emma. Actually says hi Emma and Safina, but I'm so used to reading your name back. I was supposed to say, that sounds a little bit odd. Hi, Emma and Safina. I've binge watched your podcast from the beginning. It's my number one most listened to pod. Stop it.

Thank you. You're both, keep going. You're both funny, caring. And so supportive of our mum. Oh, thank you. I'm not among myself yet, but I absolutely love listening to the stories you share with your listeners. It brightens my day. I do have a funny secret, though, about my best friend's little boy, who was three at the time.

I was at their house one weekend. His big sister, who's 19, was upstairs getting ready for a night out and called down to him. He came to the bottom of the stairs and shouted, and I quote, What do you want, you pain in the ass? Why did that give me home alone? What do you want, you big horse's ass? What do you want? You pain in the ass.

We all looked up from the living room in complete shock, then burst out laughing. He'd never sworn before, but it's safe to say he now throws it out randomly just to make people laugh. Love the podcast from Anonymous. That is adorable. That is such a good one, isn't it? Wonder why he'd heard that before. Maybe Home Alone. Yeah.

Been watching Home Alone. But that must be parents, mustn't it? Exquisite, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It's like when I call Reni something, I say, oh, come here, you little chunky Bubba. or I'll say to him, don't you run away with that naked Willie? And then Dodsy will just be, we'll be walking down the street

and Dotty will go, get that little naked Willie back here. And everyone's like, she's heard that from her parents. And you're like, no, no, I'm sorry, let me point that bum bum and you're, oh, crumbs. No, don't say that, don't say that. Oh, they're good ones this week. Yeah. Well, I mean, every week they're bloody good, aren't they? We like a sweary baby.

We do. Joseph's nursery when I picked him up yesterday said... He's been swearing. The little boys crew that he's in. Oh, gosh. One of them, or like a couple of them, has started saying to the littler babies at the nursery, shut your mouth.

And I was like, and they were like, yeah, where do you think he's heard that? And I was like, are you looking at Emma Jones? You're not looking at me, are you? Shut your mouth. No, I don't know where he's got that from. I don't think I've ever said shut your mouth. I don't say that at home. It's very aggressive, isn't it?

That one is quite aggressive. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Yeah, no, that one. a bit of that one is bad. Yeah. I'd just question the parents at bringing the boys in.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is Hello at Secret Mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Do you have a giant bean stalk? Or do you have any food tips?

Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. L.