Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Bush Mums

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Finding mum friends is no easy task, but for one listener, all it took was an unconventional hiding spot at school drop-off. There’s a powerful message about how children process big topics like death through play, plus one mum asks whether a five-year age gap really matters when it comes to siblings. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. All of your comments are... Oh, I didn't squeeze your bits. I winked and you didn't say it.

Sorry. I wasn't even making... I wasn't even making... I don't even like. I'm not saying it anymore. I'll squeeze your bits. I'll squeeze your bits. All of your comments, sorts, questions and fun stories.

Keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? I feel so awful. I'm sorry. You've got a lot on your plate. I was... It's the least of you're worried. I was someone autopilot there.

I was like, looking at it. It's these iPads and throwing me off. I know, I know. I've got a look at it to hold it because we've got no cases. There's new iPads in the studio and there's no cases on them. And I literally just want to throw it at a wall. We're being trusted with a loose, loosey-goosey. Is it an intrusive thought?

Yeah. So when you get a new phone, you're going to smash it. Oh, anyhow. It's time for another. Car is done it's corner. I'm giving. Rout to doubt. You really are.

Double leopard. I can't believe, I was going to wear that top this morning as well. I know I'm wearing, there's no visual for this, but I'm wearing a stripy top from M&S and so forth straight in and went, I've got that top from Marks and Spencer.

Sorry, that was, I didn't even say hello when I walked in this morning. It's so comfy. Yeah, you can't be a jersey from M&S, can you? It's just so stretchy too, isn't it? Yeah, boy. Oh, good on, Gil.

Right, take it away, Emma. Okay, this one is from dot, dot, dot, oh, smashing, hello, dot, dot, dot. Maybe they're dotty. Should I say? Dotty. Izzy. Oh.

All right. This one is from Izzy. It says, Hello again, Sofa and Emma. Oh, hello. I've been listening to some of your older episodes and heard a mum talking about how hard it can be to find mum friends,

and it made me think of how I met my mum friend, Heather. On my twins' first day of school, I couldn't bear to leave, so I hidden a bush to watch them through the window. Oh, I was going to say, Heather, it's not even Heather. Izzy. It's Zizzy. Sorry.

Zizzy. Zizzy. I hid in a bush to watch them through the window. normal. As I looked to my left, I saw my now very dear friend Heather, who was watching her son as well. Through a bush? Safe to say, we'll be back in that same bush this September when our youngest two start school. Oh, lots of love, is he? Yeah. You were kindred spirits. It was meant to be. It was fate in the bush. Oh, gosh, it's like my time in the bush when I was selling Jaffa cakes at school. Different kind of bush

did anyone else doing the same thing? No, no. Was there anyone in there selling Jaffa Cakes? I thought you were going to be like there was someone else selling digestives and we're still best friends to this day. Still best friends to this day. No, no. I, um, bush life is where it's at. Yeah. I hide in the bush quite regularly. Well, I don't hide in a bush, but I do kind of like hide behind a car to watch Joseph go into school because I like to see that he's okay all the way in. And he rarely looks back to be honest. He did, when he first started, he used to turn around every, like periodically to like waste. So now I can't go because if he does turn around and I'm not there. And you're not there. The guilt will eat you inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some parents just, their kids run in and off they go. But I have to wait until he turns the corner into that door.

There's Colby and Dotty, two very different children. He'll blow me like 10 kisses, he'll wave. He falls up the step walking backwards to watch. Dotty's like, fuck you guys. I'm fucking out of it. Freedom at last. Not a second look. I'm just intrigued to know how Renner's going to go in.

Yeah. I think he'll be like Dotty. I think he's going to be like, fuck the lot of you. There's some kids that don't even say, buy to their parents, which I think is great. They're so excited to get in there. And Joseph's always like, I don't know whether I like mother him too much, but we always

have like a big hug and a kiss. And I'm like, see you at lunchtime. Colby is a hugger and a kisser. But then my friend Meish, when she drops her boy off at the school, he's like, oh, don't hug me, don't kiss me. But I think that's their age. Yeah. So it gets to a point where boys are maybe.

So there might be, maybe he won't be so forthcoming in year 11 when I'm like, give me a case. Give me a song. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on him, will you? when he's 16?

Yes. Oh, Nizand. I'll just follow him in the car. Instead of being in a bush, I'll just follow him behind the car. Allow him to walk, but I'll follow slowly behind him in the car. Yeah.

No, it's nice to find someone that's as weird as you because you think. But then it's weird to others, but to us, that's completely normal. Yeah. I'd love to meet Izzy and Heather in a bush. It'd be great, wouldn't it? Yeah.

I feel like you'd be friends with them. Yes. Yes, I would. Thank you, Izzy. All right, we've got one last message here. It says, hello gorgeous gals. Hello gallies. Listening to the latest episode about Joseph and death, it struck me that I had some knowledge that might just reassure not only Emma, but other mum's out there.

Even when children know how to talk and communicate with us and those around them, it's not their truest or easiest language. Play is the language of children. This is a child's psychology phrase, and it's so true. You can tell a lot about children by how they play. Children process not only trauma, but also curiosity and unknowns through play, that Joseph is clearly so comfortable and made the conscious choice to change the language he used from defeated to die, just shows a child working through new concepts in a healthy way. Of course, if you ever are worried, reach out to your paediatrician. This is definitely American.

I was like, my gynaecologist, my paediatrician. I'm like, we don't have that. We just have GPs. GPs. But I think it's Brill. P.S., if you want to see a great example of this, Bluey has an episode called Copycat or Script, I think I've seen that, that shows Bluey working through grief

and the meaning of death for herself through play. All my love to the mum's out there. And remember play is so important and vital to kids that it's actually a language. Thank you for all you ladies do. anonymous from Canada. You said American. Sorry. She's Canadian.

Sorry, Canada. But similar sort of vibes that my American friends are with like, I'm going to see my obstetrician. Yes. You know what I mean? I wish I had one night. It's like a specific thing. I'm going to see my guine.

Yeah. I'm going to see my guiney appointment. Yeah. That also sounds like we're taking piss. We're absolutely not. I love it. No, sorry. It's just like it's very different, isn't it?

We'd be like, take them to the doctor. Maybe he's playing the way that he plays because you hate play. Yeah. Death die. Death destruction and killing. And all jokes aside, that is actually really beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, that's a lovely, lovely to hear that kind of, it framed that way, a nice explanation of it.

And he is a child who loves play as well. He loves a role play. He loves a, he loves it, an imaginary, he loves like his figures. So, yeah, I can see. Gosh, I'd love to know more about that. Like, when they're playing or like when Dots is talking to her surveillance, like, what is she trying to tell me? Yeah.

And what's she thinking? I think it's so interesting. I shared an article with Stefan this week about how much you speak to your kids and how conversation literally, it seems really obvious, but like literally grows their brains and they looked at two children over time,

one that had had more interaction and conversations and one that had had less. And like the one that had more interaction, their brain picture was like completely different. And you can change it over time. So like the more conversation you introduce, the more you can basically grow their brain. How do you know how funny is?

that you say that did you put that on your stories? No, but it was a BBC story this week. Oh, okay. Maybe I've read that in the midst. I've had a crazy week, guys. You'll hear it in the next episode. It may have popped up in your algorithm. Yeah, so the other day I was in B&Q because I was, and I was in the queue, but I was talking to Renli as I was going around the shop and I was just talking to him like, like I would talk to you or like I would talk to Chris.

And he can't really say much back, but he's saying loads now. Like he is understanding and responding with like, yes, no. but he's like, yes, mummy, no mummy. Or he says, wee-wee's mummy, I go wee-wee's. So he's phrasing is getting so much better. And I was just talking to him around being cute. And this woman, like, no disrespect. Again, you never know what's going on in somebody else's life.

So I just always think you can't be horrible to someone that smiles or that is being kind. So I'm always a bit, you know, killing with kindness kind of thing. This lady was like, you've literally spent your whole time talking to that kid the whole way around the shop. Well, like in a bad way, she said it. He's got no idea what you're saying. you look like an idiot and I was like What the hell? And again, but you don't know

she's having a bad day So I was like, oh That's such a mad thing to say to someone Yeah and I kind of thought it The way she started the conversation I kind of thought oh she's Oh she's having like a little conversation with me And she was like you look like an idiot

And I was just a bit like taking her back And I was like oh well I don't really know how he's meant to learn If I don't ask him And she was like yeah but he's got no understanding Of what you're saying And I was like I know but he he's my baby

and I just want to have a chat with them. She does understand what you're saying. They understand everything. And you know when you just think, how are they meant to learn if you don't talk to them? I'm such a, like, when I see like mums out, like we've said before, like it makes me smile when I see other mums interacting with their children

because I just, I find that relationship so wonderful, especially when I'm on my own and I don't have the children around. I'm a bit like, oh, I miss my babies because they're at school. But I love seeing like mums communicate. Or even when there's a mum down the park and you could tell they're a new mum and the baby is like a couple of months old. And they're just chatting away. And you just think, oh, it's so sweet.

Yeah. And they do take in, like, not only was that woman rude, but she was wrong. They take in everything. And I love, like, Renly and Sadie's age now, you're starting to see that coming back at you. And it pays off because they understand so much. And she is now repeating stuff back to me or answering my questions in full sentences. And I'm like, that is because you've heard us saying stuff to you. That's literally how they're.

learn to speak. And like Colby and Dotty, so he's not only got me and Chris, but he's got Colby and Dotty talking to him as well, whereas obviously when Dotty was born, Colby was Renner's age, so he wasn't really saying too much. So they weren't having a full blown conversation. So them two kind of learned everything from me and Chris, but Renz has taken in all four of us and we're all talking away to him. Yeah, yeah. And I just, I don't know. I just said, I really hope you have a wonderful day. And she was just kind of looked at me a little bit narkey. And I said, I hope you're Day is fucking shit. Well, we were doing a great time. We were collecting shingle. I had him riding on the shingle. We were jumping in and out of the puddles at B&Q garden.

Now, we're better for a baby than a homeware store. Oh, mine used to love, they spent so much time in home base. A B&Q and IKEA is where we've been this week and that has been... Akeers a day out. A dream. Yeah. They love it, don't they? They do love it. Well, anyway, FU to that lady and thank you to Anonymous from Canada. Thank you so much. I love that so much, don't you? I love it. Thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or we're SecretMumpod on TikTok and Instagram.

Next is time for one of your secret. Yes. As I was saying it, Ember was moving on my mouth. I was lip-syncing. It's like that make that sound. Do you remember when we did that? That was so funny. I'll make the face.

You make the sound. Welcome back. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're all so good. sharing. So Emma, what have you got for us today? Okay, this comes from Jess. Oh, hello, Jess. Hello, lovely ladies. I'm glad my daughter's tricks of smacking bums and poking nipples made you laugh. Oh, do you remember that? Yeah, so great. Her newest one is standing on the back veranda at her uncle's house yelling, what the fuck you're doing, Yoda?

I think she's Australia's, but it'll be like, what the fuck you doing, Yoda? What the fuck you're doing, Yoda? Is that good? Well, I don't know. Let us know. Rate our accent. Rate my Aussie accent. What the fuck you're doing, Yair? My nearly five-year-old daughter is off to school next year, and with some of her medical concerns now settling down, my husband and I are thinking about having another baby. But after a traumatic six-week, Nick Eustint with our preemie daughter and a very touch-and-go pregnancy,

I'm terrified to do it again. My question is, is a five-year age gap between siblings, setting them up to be distant with each other, or is the older sibling being that bit older, a bigger help and easier for them to process the change? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for the laughs. Jess, Brisbane, Australia.

She is Australia. Oh, Jess. Yida. This is a tricky one for me. And again, it's only ever my opinion. But I don't feel like any age gap is right or wrong. Yeah. Does that make sense?

I feel like it's your family dynamic. Yeah. And how it works best for you. Obviously, I've got a little age gap. So I've got two years between, well, what I'd class is little. I know there's smaller ones, but like between Colby and Dottie's two years. that was fantastic when they were little. Colby was just two when Dottie was born.

And then I've got seven years between Colby and Renley. And again, that dynamic is perfect. Yeah, that's great. And you've actually got five years between Dottie and Renley, right? Yeah, and then it's five years between Dottie and Renley. I actually don't know that there is any right or wrong. I just think it's what works best for you. I think having them a little bit older means that they can be more,

you can involve them more like help in. to get nappies or wipes and pushing the pram and things like that, which obviously I didn't have the first time around with Colby and Dottie. But I, when they're little, you've got it all done in one go. Yeah. You're doing two nappies and you're already in the midst of getting up to do night feeds or you're doing nappy changes or so forth. When you're doing it at the same time, it seems less, you know,

because then when you're doing nappies and you go into pants and then you've got to go back to nappies, that bit might be a little bit harder. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think you can look at it. You can spin it either way. It's like, like having two in nappies, people are like, oh, two in nappies, that's a lot. But you're like, yeah, but I'm in the baby phase with both of them, so it's fine. Yes.

Then if you've got one that's already toilet trained, which a five-year-old probably is, and then you have a baby in nappies, you're like, well, it's easier because I've only got one in nappies. Do you know what I mean? You can kind of like make it work either way. There's loads of theories, I think, about like age gaps and birth order. And I think it just, you just can't overthink it too much. And if it wasn't a right time for you to have a baby until now, then it's going to work out just fine, I think. People say when the kid is a bit older, the first child, they can help you out a bit more.

They can be a bit more understanding. They'll know, mummy's pregnant. There's another baby coming. Like Colby and Joseph didn't know. We were pregnant and there was another baby coming. And then all of a sudden, their worlds just got turned upside down by another baby and suddenly mommy wasn't as available anymore. So, like, that's hard in its own way. But now they're really close in age.

So they play together. They kind of like doing all the same things. whereas my friends that have got a bigger gap are like, well, it was more helpful when the baby was a newborn, but now they're not really into the same things. One wants to go to soft play. One doesn't want to do that anymore because they've grown out of it. It's just like they're small things. And I think ultimately, like there's probably in their childhood the gap is going to be more obvious.

But by the time they get to like be adults, a five year age gap is absolutely nothing. I think that there's nothing to say they won't be close growing up their whole life. It's just because they've got a five year age gap. Yeah, because between my sisters, so each one, so from Eden to Tobolm, Tobias to Byrneba, Ember to Everly, there is either 18 months or two years. So she had them all really close together. And I said to her, it's funny, since having Renli, obviously the bigger ones look big now. Yeah.

But there was a point in our life where everybody was interested. So obviously Renly's come a lot later. So between Eden and Dottie, there was, we could do loads together because they were all interested in the same thing. Yeah. And it's now really, now that Eden's 17. and Tobias is coming up 15, there's actually now feels like the gap between them is fucking huge.

Like Eden and Dottie are not going to want to do the same thing because they're 17 and seven. Well, I don't know. They actually do. Well, they actually love hanging out. Yeah, they do actually. Maybe Tobias and Dottie don't want to hang out. But it's the only time I've ever noticed a real age gap between them.

Yeah. I think little ones to teenagers is probably going to be your biggest. And I'm noticing now between Everly and Eden. So that's Roxanne's youngest who is going to be 11 this year. and Eden who's 17 with only a seven-year age gap. That never seemed as massive as it seems now. So she's got three older ones. And then it's like Everly's the one who's the outlink at the moment.

Because the other three are like they've gone secondary school. They're at college. They're going out and meeting friends. They're walking to the park to see friends. They're walking back and forth to school. Whereas Everly still needs that little bit of support. And she's still in primary school. She's still in primary.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think there's like a bit where it's probably going to. seem very obvious. Yes. But it comes back around. Yeah. I think there's great things about small age gaps and there's great things about big age gaps.

I just think you can't, it can never be wrong. Like whatever's right for your family. It's going to be beautiful in any which way. Yes. And I think also as well, because she did say, Jess said about the NICU. Yeah. Because she had a six weeks stay. I find some, like, again, I can only speak on me.

Where I had Renly in the NICU, obviously I didn't have the other two ways. in NICU, but where Renly was in the NICU, there's a bit in my brain that says, oh, just do it one last time to have like that experience again so that you don't have to go through the NICU again. And that little element of me makes me really excited to know that we may not be in the NICU again with this one. And to have like, because I felt like I know my stay was only really little, but Jess is at six weeks.

You feel like you've lost your whole newborn baby. And also, what about going in to do that when you've got older children at home? Because then you've got the extra guilt of like, oh, I'm not there for the otherwise, which you don't have obviously with your first child. So that's, that's hard as well. But I think there's an element of excitement that you may, you know, it's always 50-50. If they need the NICU or so forth, you can't never say never. But just because that happened to you once, it doesn't mean it's going to happen again. Yeah, but also that element of excitement to know that you might not experience that with this baby. Like that little bit doesn't make

me nervous. That bit makes me excited to me. You could have, because six weeks, she's lost her whole newborn baby in six weeks. Like that newborn fresh stage, because you, what, what, we say in three, four weeks and that that bit's gone, isn't it? That brand new baby scrunch, that pick up. That bit excites me. So I hope she can find the exciting bit. It could happen for you. My friend's literally just about to have a baby and it's her second.

She's got a very close age gap. Her first one came two months premature. So really traumatic, really hard birth, really hard like newborn phase was in hospital. It was all over Christmas. And now this pregnancy, she's been so nervous about, you know, having another premium baby and going early again. and she's just reached her. She's like 37, 38 weeks now.

And she's like, I can't believe my body has like kept me pregnant for this song. And she's going to have a full term baby now, the second one. Oh, that is phenomenal. And I just think it's amazing. And, you know, that happened to her first time. But the second one, we just never know. You know, you never know. And it's hard sometimes because it is the unknown, isn't it?

And I think with pregnancy, only that I've done it three times, you have to keep an open mind. You have to listen to your body, but keep a really open mind in that everything is going to be okay. It's like the hope, isn't it? It's like you have to just tell yourself everything that's going to be fine. Yeah. But then again, you're in the safest hands if things are turning a little bit more complicated. Yeah. But listen to your body.

Do what's best for you. And it's the result at the end, isn't it? Is that brand new baby? But Jess, I think you're doing everything perfect, my darling. And everything is going to be amazing. Oh, it's so exciting. And fuck you, Yoda. Have you got an age gap story that might help Jess?

Then let us know. You can email us. Hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!