Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Nips

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

There's a lot of chat about wild number ones and twos this week, but some of it comes recommended by a highly ranked mum! We also hear an embarrassing mum moment and an awkward gift exchange. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and welcome to your thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend shall we jump on in go sadie she's got a hiccup she says yeah she says yeah She says, yeah. She says, yeah. So it's time for another Correspondence Corner. It was still me. So Emma, let's take a number one. This one's from President Clare.

Pardon? She gave us tips on learning to swim. Oh, fuck. I thought you meant the actual president then. No, I can't. My children were running around this morning shouting about joe biden i didn't even know who he was and colby was like he's the prime minister of america prince president yeah yeah how did they know that no i it's crazy what they learn at school nowadays i haven't got an idea yeah do you remember she gave us tips on um saying that you don't need to go to swimming lessons basically

yes and they can learn how to swim on holiday. Yes. And we were like, Claire for Presidente. Go on, Claire Presidente. She's back. She's back in touch. Guess who's back. Back again. Top tip for potty training. Do it in the summer months

when you can spend a lot of time in the garden. No pants on and a potty in the garden worked a treat for mine. This is my plan. This is what I told you how it worked for both of mine. Yeah. Both of mine, because by the time Colby came around to potty train,

it was when the summer that he was going to preschool also the summer that Dottie was coming. So was it just before he was two? Yeah. God he was very advanced. Yeah.

He walked at nine months. Yeah. It was the weirdest thing in the world. You know like when you imagine a baby coming out of the foo-foo with all teeth.

Yeah. Like he just got up and started walking one day. Literally. It was the weirdest never crawled never showed any signs of crawling wasn't phased on it just literally pulled himself up one day on the henry hoover and just walked from me to chris solid as fuck not even a whimper not a wobble not a wobble solid i've got the video i'm gonna fucking i'm

gonna have to share it i know when this episode comes out i'm gonna have to find the video and get it on over to matt It's actually quite terrifying. It was slightly scary. Yeah, disturbing. He was in like his little baby grow, you know, like with the feet and everything. Like he was too little to be walking. And then he potty trained at...

Just before two. Just before two. Because we're two, Joseph's two and three months now. My plan is to do it in the summer. So maybe like two and a half. But yeah, to just roll around with no nappy on. No nappy no pants no nappy no pants running out of the garden in and out of the water yeah great i'm gonna get him the only thing i did find that when i was doing that colby used

to um then come the winter came around so we sort of portie trained september come christmas because it was only a few weeks i ate nine weeks after he used to then go out in the blistering cold and pee in the bush in the garden that was that took us longer for him to stop weeing in the garden yeah he took it too literally took it too far took it too far yeah they love a wee in the garden though even now and they'll be like i'm not going in because i'm not going in the paddock because i'll just wee in the bush i'm like yeah it was like in lockdown when everyone like weed in the park i actually loved that i'd still yeah in the bush? I'm like, yeah. It was like in lockdown when everyone like weed in the park. I actually loved that. Did you? Yeah.

Because no public toilets were open, do you remember? So you just had to like wee in public. So everyone just started weeing in bushes which I'm here for to be honest.

Why was I not out in COVID? No, I was indoors when it was COVID. Yeah, but like if you went to the park for your one walk a day you had to go for a piss in the bush.

Look, you know what my bladder's like. Yeah. Weak, weak AF. I can go a whole day without going to the for a piss in the bush. Look, you know what my bladder's like. Yeah, I was going to say, I've never had it. Weak, weak AF. I can go a whole day without going to the toilet. Can you? Yeah. Camel bladder.

Yeah. You're like Stefan. I do love to test myself to see how long I can hold it though. Do you? Yeah. Although I have been drinking about two to four litres of water a day and I'm having to pee a lot. Yeah.

Like a bit of a racehorse. Well, I think Stefan never needs to go because he's dehydrated. Yeah. He brags about it, but I but I'm like mate you're dehydrated it's nothing to be proud of Christopher always wheeze but he drinks shit loads of water yeah

but constantly everywhere we go that's good his wee must be very clear though no not that I investigate his wee but everywhere we go he needs a wee and a poo

yeah always he poos a lot doesn't he we go to the shopping centre been in the car 20 minutes gets to the shopping centre I need a wee mate we've just fucking

left the house that's me that's me I'm that person in the relationship well you need to be with chrissy then because you two spend more time in the toilet people will be asking questions thanks for that claire so i'll let you know how i get on this summer yeah that's that's really great advice yeah that's what i said to you to do didn't that joseph is showing signs he goes he says poo poo but i just know how we going to get there on the wheeze because he doesn't know his wee and he just goes in his nappy, obviously. Well, he doesn't know when the wheeze coming.

No, he doesn't know. He knows to tell us when he's doing a poo, but what do you do about the wheeze? Do you want to know something that I did? Go on. Call me crazy. So I used to do the cup method. I don't know if anybody else has ever heard of it,

done it, whatever. Maybe I invented it. So if you haven't heard it before, it's mine's mine okay so i used to do a cup for breakfast so that his bladder got used to only holding a cup so come round to lunchtime when he needed a wee yeah or yeah or a cup of juice yeah so his body would only ever hold a cup of water or a cup of juice or a cup of fluid so then you know how much to deposit, so lunchtime, once he's got that out, then have another cup, so nothing in between that, just until you can get him used to knowing how much is in his bladder, and then you can understand, right, okay, we've had a cup, it's been two hours now, we need to go to the toilet, and we need to go for a wee-wee's, okay, lunch is here, we can have another drink, come four o'clock when you're

getting ready for dinner time, you should be like, right, we need to go for to go for a wee wee now yeah and then it just means that they get used to which then helps with going through the night yeah because come you can have a cup of juice for dinner you then do your whole have dinner do bath time do bedtimes by that time it's like an hour or two you're settling them down you can be like right we need to go for a wee wee now because we've had a cup of juice yeah and then that's how i got him through the night yeah i just don't joseph's nappy is so heavy in the morning because they constantly just drink all day long and he has a milk before bed and he and if he's having like an eight nine ounce bottle of milk i don't you know i don't know how much seven at night yeah it's that's a big lot of juice so i used to just do the cup method as soon as we took

him off the bottle i'd do a cup and that's all he'd have breakfast obviously in the summer months it was completely different because you want him to stay as hydrated as possible but it that definitely helped me and that helped me get him through going dry I think yeah I think to get him dry through the night we're gonna have to cut out the nighttime milk or we'll just keep doing a nappy at night but get him yeah he's in the daytime yeah because at the moment one step at a time if you can get him dry in the day that's massive yeah like that's so huge just to stop doing two loads of nappies

would be great because the amount of nappies we're getting is insane Colby hated the nappy so he would not drink because he didn't want the nappy on

yeah so then that's when he was like well I need a drink well if you need a drink then you need to wear a nappy and he'd be like no no I'll tell you

if I need wee-wees and then he used to be like oh I think wee-wees is coming we had a few accidents yeah and then yeah they just I feel like they just get their own way they just get used to it it's mind-blowing to me how quickly they learn it when they're so little like basically in three days they've cracked it it's mental it's crazy yeah they say it's the the memory don't they so if you can do it takes three days to learn a new habit apparently yeah that's it and then that's

it you should be done by day seven. God, these kids are clever. They're so clever, aren't they? Now I just think, how can I not fucking take anything on board? But I've got a tiny human now that's just taking all this shit in every single day and growing and learning. And you can't learn anything.

No, I'm thick as fuck. Apparently after you're 13, your ability to learn new things goes down dramatically so we should have been doing all this shit when we were teenagers well what have a baby at 13 have a baby learn a new language learn to play an instrument there might be a few questions you know yeah now we're fucked that's what they say can't teach an old dog new tricks and that's that's so true i have an old dog it's me i'm bitchy i wasn't gonna say anything but right let's roll into another one all right this one says hey girls following on

from the boob grabbing story i was coming around from being in the theater after having my placenta removed they wheeled me around to the ward and i was handed my baby i was off my face on a cocktail of drugs so all i remember is the curtain being whizzed around and a midwife helping me get my little one to latch. My mum came in and announced to the whole ward, including my mother-in-law at the time,

it's okay, she'll be fine. She's got big nipples like me. Ella from Macclesfield. I thought she meant theatre as in she was watching a show. Fucking hell. That's a lot at a bloody West End show.

Immediately after having the baby, I must go to the theatre. Let's go catch at a bloody West End show. Immediately after having the baby, I must go to the theatre. Let's go catch the ballet. Oh, wow. I have got burger nipples. Big nips Ella. I would shit tits safe. Big nips.

We'd be it. We'd have a great friendship. Burger nips. Yeah. I don't think the size of your nipples matters for breastfeeding, does it? No, because I naively thought it was the whole brown bit had to go in their mouth the whole the areola the whole pink bit yeah it's not it's just the tip i just spat myself no i think they need to get a whole mouth oh is it a whole

mouthful of nipples maybe i thought it was just the tip but they actually need to take the whole bit because i think that's what freaked me out the most i was like this whole basically my nipple is my whole boob your whole breast so i'm gonna have to put my whole breast yeah in their mouth you do really have to choke them with a lot of nipples yeah and when they were latching friendly onto my boob right i know right yeah i know i thought he's gonna suffocate i know you you think don't you can they breathe because the amount of breast that they shove into their mouth is wild it's a whole lot of tit in the mouth yeah yeah that's where i was going wrong with only getting a little bit in and that's what gives you a sore lip yeah the little i thought it was just the little bubbly no they've got to get a whole mouthful i think i was getting confused

yeah so if anything was smaller than nipple the better because it will fit in well i guess they were just taking some boob as well wouldn't they i guess they just suck in as much as they can they can yeah to get it all motion moving there Get it all up in there. Yeah. Well. Wow. Thanks, Ella. We talk about boobs a lot, don't we? We do.

I feel like boobs has now taken over the poo. Quite sad about it, to be honest. I like it. Do you? Oh, just speaking of which, on the breastfeeding, I do have a leakage on my T-shirt today. So if anybody notices that on any of the videos,

cut me some slack. You won't because the baby is currently on the baby she's constantly breastfeeding so you're scrunched here yeah you probably won't see it but just in case you do you don't actually know that she's drinking though do you she could just be using it as a dummy she does she uses the nipple as a dummy she will fall asleep on the boob she won't take an actual dummy but she loves a nip can't blame her look at these tits i don't think i'd want to be suckling a boobie to go to sleep i love how you just looked at me so seriously that mine i think i'm gonna say i don't think i'd like to be sucking your i don't want to suck your boob no i think that's the thing that so there was a time when i thought i was a lesbian have i ever told

you this story no and i did actually go down the route of of truly believing that i was a time when I thought I was a lesbian. Have I ever told you this story? No. And I did actually go down the route of truly believing that I was a lesbian. Did you try anything out? I was in a relationship for three weeks with a girl. Were you? Yep. Push came to shove. We had to get down to business. Took our clothes off.

We stood there. And she was like, you go first. Down on her. And I was like, no, no, you go first. And I stared at it for a very, very long time, a bit like this. Cross-eyed. And you're like, no, I can't do it. No.

No, couldn't do it. And I stared at it for a really, really long time. She stared at mine. We tried a few, like, back and forths of staring at each other's foo-foos for so long. And neither one of you could do it? No. And I just think, as much as I really love women, I just don't think i could look a foofy no i just don't i also don't like to put a willy in my mouth to be honest well you don't have to do that if you're a lesbian you could just do other

stuff i don't really know what lesbians do to be honest they don't know what do they know what i do no nothing nothing but it's something that i always find really inquisitive that's you that's really interesting yeah i find it really fascinating so that was you that was that was it that was yeah i was 19 yeah and i thought i'm gonna have to suck her nipple and then i was like do you want me to suck your nipple and she was like maybe don't ask me just do it and i was like i couldn't do it and then that was it that was my that was my journey of lesbian over and then straight for the rest of your yeah straight for the rest of my life wow yeah love that for you but to be honest i could give up sex really yeah forever yeah yeah

so from lesbian to straight to asexual is that what it is yeah poor chrissy you don't have sex at all i only done it three times anyway yeah exactly twice here not in the studio no so i meant me twice not twice here get us sacked all right we've got one more message here it says hi ladies i just listened to you talking about the lady whose friend had her baby clothes made into a bear remember that one yeah i do she was really sad about that yeah because they weren't we haven't done an update they weren't her clothes she wanted them back she wanted them back god bless her when i had my eldest i was gifted a baby walker when we finished with it they didn't want it back so we gifted it to another friend oh a week later that friend put it up for sale fuck off cheek it bothered me but what made it worse was it was an open post so the person who

gave it to us would have seen it for sale oh no i worried she thought it was me trying to sell it it was so awkward but i couldn't bring myself to say anything rebecca that is awkward that is fucking savage that is really savage we'll take it and sell it straight away you had it for free you had it for free for a week as well and you give it away if you if you're not getting on with it give it away to the next person yeah don't take something for free to then profit it what the fuck women is honestly i say this now women are savage some women not all women you know but women are savage wow i would have just said no thank you i wonder if she's spoken to her and said,

did you sell my walker? That is a bit awkward, isn't it though? Because when someone offers you something, maybe you feel like you can't say no, but then you don't actually really want it. So then you're like, what do I do with this now? I've got to get rid of it again. Take it to a charity shop. Yeah.

Take it to a woman's, is it in a woman's institute? Women's aid. Women's aid, yeah. Something like that. Yeah. I remember once I put a bridesmaid's dress into a charity shop. That happened to my sister.

Locally, and I thought, God, if the bride sees this, she's going to be so upset that I didn't keep it. My sister found it in the charity shop. One of her bridesmaids. But I'm not being funny. What are you supposed to do with all these bridesmaid's dresses?

You're never going to wear them again. Am I proud of the dress? No. Give it on for someone else. If I, as a bride, I wouldn't be offended if my bridesmaids passed on their bridesmaids' dresses. Yeah, I've got my wedding dress. You wouldn't give that to somebody else? No, that's a good point, actually.

I'm just contradicting myself there. But I think your wedding dress is a bit more, it's like a one-time thing, I feel like. Listen, if I'm having you as a bridesmaid at my wedding, and you go and put my dress in a charity shop, I want to be like friends in 40 years time where we sit on the couch in our dresses and just cry

for the fact that our children are getting married no I wouldn't mind I'd want someone else to use it yeah that's what I mean but why don't you do that with your wedding dress

because that's more of a one time thing but I'm so popular I've been a bridesmaid many times so I've got so many dresses I'm always the bridesmaid never the bride

so many dresses to get rid of i haven't got room in my wardrobe for all that so i think you know it's nice to give things on you could do like a rent address couldn't you yeah i should but it's nice to give things on and reshare and i think i i don't know how i feel maybe i would give on my wedding dress maybe when you get married i'm not really too fussed no i'm actually to the point where i'm just going to do it by depot are you yeah I think so just changing that

and have a big family holiday yeah yeah I am well I'm fuming because I was going to be invited to your wedding in France but

do you want to come on my family holiday with me yes please all four of us come on you know I don't know it's the next

I feel like it's the next stage to do but we're still very much in the in the Renly bubble yeah you've just had a baby let's have a let's have a break let's have a break yeah yeah i know i'm doing a lot yeah i'm doing i've got a lot i've got a lot yeah i haven't really i've got fuck all to do to be honest

but hurry up and book the chateau because i want to come so thank you so much for your messages if you have any comments thoughts or funny stories why not get in touch you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com or we're secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram next it's time for one of your secrets welcome back we love a secret on the secret mom club, you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, hit us off with today's secret. All right, this one comes from Anonymous. It's always juicy when it's anonymous, isn't it? Yeah, and it says, ladies, I have a poo secret for you.

Yes! The poo's back. I miss the poos. So when my son was around three, sometimes he'd get backed the fuck up. And couldn't go to the toilet. It started to hurt his bum. Aw.

He's never been a regular pooper, so it wasn't a real concern. But as it had been a few days, it had gotten bigger, so it was a struggle to come out. So I gave him some baby laxative. Two days later, we went to the park and whilst playing, he told me he needed a poo.

We'd walked to the park, so I said, hang on to it and we'll go back home. He then proceeds to tell me, see mum, I told you I needed a poo. I looked down to see he had a turd pile plopping out of his shorts the laxative had worked and decided to deliver at the park i know how you feel it's like me and jojo isn't it jojo was at home there wasn't he he was at home thank god and he soiled dad's sock but if that had come out in the park devastated did she pick it up that's what i need to know yeah what did you do was it a poo bag situation we need to follow up like a dog like a dog poo bag yeah like a tissue

you've always got wet wipes on you so have you if you're a mom was i still carrying wet wipes when three oh no maybe not no i don't know because by the time colby was three dots was one yeah so you probably did i probably did have I still have a nappy bag. I don't know. I don't think I've ever had this predicament of the poo. What would you do otherwise? I don't know. Would you just leave it?

I feel like people walking past would know it's a human shit. No, leave it and pretend it was a dog. Do you know what? I've been an avid walker lately, haven't I? Yeah. And I've noticed so much dog shit. Oh, I hate that. And I'm so angry at the people that

just leave dog shit yeah because have you ever put the pram through dog shit no but i've tried in it before oh i've done it where it's gone on the pram through the house colby's got it on him it's in the house there's just stinks of dog shit it's the most awfulest thing and you know what when the shit is so big that you can pick it up it's not a runny shit yeah you can't pick that why are you leaving the poo. Yeah. And if you haven't got a poo bag then fucking walk the dog home,

get a poo bag, come back and pick your poo up. Don't just leave it there. Be a responsible dog owner. I walked past one. It was near a pub. Definitely was a human shit. I've now become like a poo investigator

where I now not only do find the poo but I now can see the difference between a human poop and a dog shit how many humans are pooing in public more than you think you i have before yeah yeah but i was caught short on a run i wouldn't do it like i wouldn't make a habit you still pooed in the bush and you're an avid pisser in the bush i am yeah you love a good there's nothing wrong with a wee though i do love a wee though when you're having a wee and then you get an unexpected poo. And you're like.

On the toilet or in public? No, on the toilet. Yeah, like middle of the night the other night because I'm having this high protein. I'm trying to eat a lot of protein to clear. They say it makes you shit, doesn't it? Clears you out. So I've got a high protein diet at the moment. Went for the toilet, half three in the morning, having a wee, poo came.

Takes you by surprise, doesn't it? And it was a fresh sweep. I love't even i love that magic poo didn't even need a no i didn't even need a wipe i love it you walk out the toilet 3 30 i felt light i felt refreshed and i just felt so free yeah but i just dumped a poo at 3 30 while everybody was asleep just dump and run very liberating so satisfying was satisfying honestly when i tell you i'm living at the moment l-i-v-i-n i am living living oh god i need to know more details please and on the mess yeah a follow-up please follow-up please as to how yeah how this progressed on did you pick up did you leave it let us know what was the relieved for your three-year-old though really fantastic result bless jojo yeah he was relieved, wasn't he? I was.

He was. I think you were more relieved than him. He was about three stone lighter. I couldn't believe it. God bless his heart. So have you seen a turd pile in the wild like me? Then do let us know. And don't forget to send in your Father's Day messages and secrets.

Only a couple of days left now. You can email us hello at secretmumpod. or with secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back first thing on sunday for a special episode for all the dads out there and we'll have our regular monday episode to double whammy we'll see you next time on the secret mom club