Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Summer Blowout

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

The Easter Holidays have been anything but relaxing for Soph and Emma. From a family scare to an unwelcome monthly visitor, things haven’t exactly gone to plan. Plus, one listener shares a very unfortunate public loo incident involving a toddler and a suppository! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh hi Greg James. Hi Alice Levine. People might know you from the rounders podcast you do. It's cricket and people will know you I guess from oh my dad's in a scandal, whatever. Rude. Anyway, whatever podcasts you listen to you are going to love this. We're here to tell you about the UK's biggest podcast festival, Crossed Wires. Great radio voice. It's three days of your favourite podcast shows all in iconic venues across Sheffield from the 4th to the 6th of July.

Let me give you some of the line up. Go on. So Grimmy and Angela Hartnett are going to be doing Dish live. Amazing. We're also going to have We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson. On the Sofa. The Corrie one. Secret Mum Club. And Drunk Women Solving Crime.

We should also say We Have Hell By Sex To My Boss but it sold out so quickly I'm almost loathe to mention it. Well then don't mention it but actually I'm glad you did because that's a reminder if you don't get tickets now you might not get them. Crossed Wires is a weekend of live podcast shows but also free performances, after parties. We're generally just gonna have a really lovely time. Tickets are on sale now head to crossedwires.live to get yours. That's crossed, C-R-O-S-S-E-D, wires, the usual spelling, then a full stop, then the word live. Is that clear? His brains and beauty. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina.

And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club! That one's gonna be really really annoying for Zoffia. Stunning. Right in her luggles. Sorry.

Anywho, before we dive into our weeks, our weeks of what we've been doing. Sorry. Don't know where I was going with that. You might have already seen the news, but we're doing a live show at we're doing a live show at Crosswise Festival. Oh, what in the fucking what? I'm so excited. I don't know if I'm allowed to swear. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. We've also had a cocktail already today. Yeah, we're a bit we're feeling fruity. We're getting a little loose. We're getting loose. We've got cocktails in a can. We have. I'm so excited about this. Emma is going to be the one wearing the excited pants.

I'm going to be wearing the shit stained ones. The pooey ones. Yeah, definitely, definitely the pooey ones. I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it too much. We're at Crosswires. Not only are we at Crosswires, we're doing a live show on a stage in a theatre at Crosswires. Yes, we are going to Sheffield to the Playhouse Theatre on Saturday the 5th of July and you can

join us for some on stage chaos. Think Poonoves. Silly and serious secrets. And of course a bit of a sing-along to high school musical. It wouldn't be a show of ours without a sing-along to high school musical and it's an afternoon show so it's perfect for a little day trip to Sheffield. Have you ever been to Sheffield? I have. I don't remember it very well because I went when I was a student working at the student union and we went to visit another student union, which was Sheffield. So we went from Cardiff to Sheffield on a minibus and I feel like you hear things, don't you? You hear things about certain areas like Southampton. It's very known for the walls and the docks. But I have heard it's the greenest city in the

UK. Listen, when I'm there and I don't see greenery, I'm going to be merely disappointed because I've never been to Sheffield. So I want to see green. All I want to see are plants. Green, green grass, blue, blue sky. You better throw a party on the day we arrive. Oh, yours was much better. You missed a trick. It was prime. Apparently it's a thing called the winter garden in the city center. It's meant to be a massive greenhouse with erotic plants, exotic plants, two very different things. Erotic, exotic, exotic plants. Yes. And of course it's near the peak district, which is a beautiful area of outstanding natural

beauty. I mean, it's giving green. It's giving green. If I don't see green of all the colors, I need to see the green. Give me the green. And then apparently we don't know about this, but our producer says Meadow Hall is the greatest shopping center ever. Ever.

In the world. So we're going to take a word for that. We are going to take a word for it. And again, we will the greatest shopping center ever. Ever. So we're gonna take a word for that. We are gonna take a word for it. And again, we will visit the shopping center. And if it isn't, we will hold Maz fully accountable for the shopping experience. But I can't wait, it's gonna be so good. And tickets are officially now on sale. Yep, just head to crosswires.live to grab yours

or find all the details on our socials at Secretmumpod on Insta and TikTok. And honestly, we cannot, we cannot wait to see you there. Woo, woo! I feel like we're gonna be on a bit of a come down now. Oh no. Cause you're gonna tell me about your week. It's okay, we've had a cocktail.

I know, but you still. We've been kindly working with Bee Cocktails. And in celebration of being reunited because we missed last week's app, we've been drinking ourselves some cocktails. Yeah. Let me tell you, I haven't had a solid meal since Sunday. We are now in Wednesday. We're now a week and a half. We're 11 a.m. on a Wednesday and we are balls deep in these cocktails. And let me tell you, they are good. They are going down. I'm on

the strawberry daiquiri. I'm on a Marg and we're about to crack open a peanut butter. Should we crack it? While I pour this, listen, tell me about your week. To be fair though, the week was great. We said on Tuesday's episode that I feel like it gave me even more so because I do like to wind down on the school holidays and give the children every bit of me. But I feel like it gave us even more time to just slow down, relax, take in what we have around us. So we've done very cost minimal. We've walked, we've been down to the park, we've walked along the river, we have caught the bus, but that is obviously a cost expense, but very

minimal cost expense. And we've had lots of time with our cousins and my sister and her husband. So it has been very nice to just wind down, but came with a very, very sad, you know, fucking shit. Because you mentioned in the Thursday episode. Tuesday? Thursday episode. Was it Thursday episode?

We were having our first catch up. Sorry. After a couple of weeks, obviously for people that don't know, you were involved in a car accident. Everyone, thank God, is fine. Yes, but it did sound pretty dramatic. I would like to say I'm a dramatic person, but this was pretty hefty. I mean, I've seen the pictures.

That was outside my expectations, to be honest. It was bad. And I just don't think like, I don't know if anyone else is the same, but I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Like we have spoken about maybe changing the car, maybe looking for something just a smidgen bit smaller because it was a big car and although we needed the boot space, we didn't necessarily need because it had seven seats, we didn't necessarily need all the seat space.

And I'm trying to do better with getting an electric car that's great for the environment. But I think what hurt me the most is it was my first ever like real proper paycheck from doing this job that Chris was at home. I'd earned this pocket of money that I'd put into this beautiful car for, not only for me and Chris, but the comfort for our children.

And I think because I'd worked so hard for that, and it was a gift from me to Chris, after our 10 year relationship of him, not him doing everything, can provide and everything, it felt like a scratch in the ocean of what I could give him. This was the first thing you bought outright with your paycheck. Yeah, from my money.

And it just, it really, really hurt. Like it really, really hurt. And unfortunately, you know, I don't want to go into too much detail because everyone was very amicable at the scene. It wasn't our, it unfortunately wasn't our fault. We're not too sure what the, you know, where the chap was at,

but everybody walked away from every vehicle safe. There was three of us involved, but everybody walked away very safely. And it is just a really unfortunate situation. And you kind of, it's weird. I think I spoke on Thursday's one about how, like, I just didn't know what to do in that moment. Like we'd been hit at this impact, but we obviously, we didn't roll. We come back down and, you know, hit his car back into his, into his lane. But I just don't think anything prepares you for that moment. The shock of that. Yeah.

You must be... It takes a long time to recover. And I struggled the first couple of days after it happened because you have to relive it. Like, you have to speak to the insurance, you're speaking back and forth with the police and you've got the hire car company were calling us and you know, there was the car seat company because they refunded us for the baby's car seats instantly, literally instantly because the car seats were in the car. They have to be destroyed with the car. And unfortunately the car is a write off. All the airbags were deployed, which we kind of knew that at the scene anyway, but the car and his weight in gold and the fact that it kept everybody safe. But I just, I really struggled mentally for the first two or three days in the fact that I'd covered the other two, but I really, I was really angry at myself that I

couldn't in that moment protect Colby. And I was sitting in the front because as a mom, you just, you want to protect everybody. Like I, you know, even if all three children were in the front because as a mom, you just, you want to protect everybody. Like, you know, even if all three children were in the back and I was in the front, I would have never been able to help any of them or get into the back in that, in that. And I just, I kept playing over. I didn't sleep at any, I just, it was, it's just a, it's a really, really horrible game to play with yourself. And I take my, I take my hat off to anybody that's, that's been through, that's been through it because I don't think anything prepares you. And do you know what, right?

And also something else I thought is that it doesn't matter how safe you are on the road, you just never know. You never know, you weren't doing anything. You don't know what's going on in somebody else's car or what's going on in somebody else's life. And I'm not making any excuses. And it's nothing bad to the other guy.

It was just an accident. There is no other way to explain it, but we are all great. We've, again, as much as it was really sad, we've had the best first week. Have you? Yeah, yeah, because the weather's been so beautiful. We've spent every day, if it's not the morning,

the afternoon out in the garden, because it's been blistering. You all look really tanned. What can I say? The girl's got a self-facing garden. Renly's got a little glow. I can't get more sun cream on the lad. I don't know how he's glowing.

He's so tan, but so fair. He's been lathered, lathered in factor 50. But he, yes, we've been out in the garden. We've seen loads of my sister, loads of the children. We've been out in the garden. We've seen loads of my sister, loads of the children. We've been walking. Sorry, the cocktail is repeating on me. We've been, yeah, took a nice little bus ride into town. Very wholesome.

It's been really, really wholesome. Renly is upped his walking game. Yes. The lad is down. I see him stomping around in his adidas. I know, he's an absolute. I need to get some proper shoes for Sadie. The shoes are definitely helping him.

Do you think they do? Because I think I got shoes for Sadie, like first walkers ones from Clark's. Not only may I say are they a fucking nightmare to keep on them, because they're little wriggly, they're little wriggly, crabby feet. She won't like have a shoe put on. But also when I first put them on her,

she was walking like she was on the moon. Yeah, they just like space elixir. What is this sensation? And they just want to flick them off. I was like, just do what you normally do. She was like, like lifting her legs up really high. So the cocktails. I feel you Sadie. But yeah, she's not, she's not really.

No, we've got some, we just got some little flat shoes, just a little pair of trainers that are completely flat and they're really helping to stabilize. Stomps around. Oh, it's so cute. I can't cope. a little pair of trainers that are completely flat and they're really helping to stabilize him. Stomps around. Oh, it's so cute. I can't cope. So no, it's been a nice week in the fact that every again, everyone slowed down and we just absorbed Renly because he's grown a lot in two weeks. The last two weeks is he's been wild. My mom saw Sadie for the first time the other day in like six weeks. Because the last time she saw it was when we were all here wasn't it? When Nick come

up. Yeah. Yeah. And they've been on holiday and one thing or another. So they haven't seen each other for ages. And I got Sadie from her nap out of the pram. And my mom was like, Whoa, she looks massive. And because I see her every day, I'm like, is she? Is she? I don't really notice it. And they're suddenly like, Whoa, she's doing loads now. Like she's, she's wall walking along. I mean, she won't walk like freestanding, but she can get herself about. That girl gets around. Wow. If she wants to be somewhere,

she'll be there. And she's going to be on fucking time too. She'll be early. She'll be early. She's so rapid. Honestly, I turn my back and I'm like, she's in a different room. Where the bloody hell is she going?

I know, thank God she can't do the stairs yet. Are you back on the stair yet? I was going to say you're on the stair gate. She can't do the stairs yet, but she, she's all over the shop. What a girl. She's everywhere. These babies are wild, aren't they?

Honestly, the rate at which they're learning stuff is just, it's crazy. And I thought it was fast with Dottie. Like I thought the second was fast, but Renly's just feels like it's a heartbeat. Oh God, yeah. I think the more children you go along, the faster it's going.

Absolutely. What the fuck? I know it's wild, isn't it? It is wild. Oh, do you know what? Can I just take a moment for the fact that I've just only noticed you've got new glasses. Oh, yeah. Do you know what?

Down in the lobby this morning, I was thinking, what is different? What's different about her? She's not done her hair because she's only just had that done and she remortgaged the house to do that. I've noticed she's got new goggles. Yes, that was my big news of the week. Yeah, she looks stunning. Got some new glasses.

Thank you. You look beautiful. Another £ new glasses. Thank you. You look beautiful. Another £400 layer. It's expensive being blind. Hey, you can't say that. Two pairs of glasses. Two pairs of glasses.

It's expensive being short-sighted. I love the thick frame. Thank you. They're thicker than your other one. Do you know what my theory was behind getting bigger glasses? The thicker the frame, the cleverer the girl. The thicker the frame, the less you'll see how tired I am. Nice.

Covers more of my eyes. Covers more of your bags. You know that's what I thought. Smooths them. It's like an instant smoothing filter. Exactly. Love that. I'm missing a trick aren't I? I think I'm walking around with like a filter on. I don't know if that's what everyone else sees. It's giving filter. But that's what I see. It's giving bold glam. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're looking at the frames. You're not looking at my eye bags. No. You know. I'm looking deep into your eyes though. It's a distraction technique. Did you feel me? It's like an illusion. Yeah. Making love with your mind.

Well, I hold my cocktail. Cock. Sorry. Tail. Tail. But how's your week been after my, because I did have to cancel work the other week. Yeah. And we didn't get to see each other. We haven't seen each other for two weeks, which was obviously sad. So sad. We had a bit of a drama with Sades the other day. Stop. I don't know if you've ever had this with your three children, but I thought she'd swallowed a battery. Have you ever had that? No, but that's what the watch battery. Well, it was like a button battery, but like a really tiny version of one, like smaller than a, like a raisin. Like

a, you know, polos when they remove the center. Like the center of a polo, exactly like that. But yeah, didn't know what it was, didn't even know we had those batteries, didn't know she could get access to them. I literally just, cause I've had them on my own quite a lot because Stefan's been working away. And I literally popped out to go for a wee. So I was out of the room for like a minute

and I came back in and she was rifling through a basket. I didn't even know she could get her hands on it. And it had like remote controls and like bigger batteries, like double A's, triple A's, but also had these tiny little ones in the basket because I didn't know what was in there before. I couldn't tell if there was anything missing. And she was kind of just like playing around with them. And I was like, I don't think she would have put one of those in her mouth, but they're so tiny that she could have easily just put it in and swallowed it straight down. I didn't know. And I said to Joseph, like, did you

see anything? Obviously he's three. He's like just doing his own thing. He was like, I don't know. So I was on my own with them that day and I was like, I don't know. Like, can I go to A&E with that? Like him as well? I'm going to be there for hours. Like this is going to be a nightmare. So I actually didn't go to A&E straight away. Cause I put my finger in her mouth and I was like, I don't think so. I think she's all right. But then the more the day went on, the more I was like, I mean, obviously it's like fatal for a baby to swallow a battery. It's really, really dangerous.

So dangerous. And they say like, don't give them any food or drink if you suspect anything. And I had like given her lunch and stuff. So I was like, well, fuck me. Like, I don't know. Yeah, plays on your mind, doesn't it? You're playing the story over and over in your head.

Yeah. And then I'm like, what's the lesser of two evils? Like I go to A&E and I sit there all day with a cranky baby and a cranky toddler, or I spend the night worrying, cause she's a little bit under the weather anyway. So when I was looking at the symptoms and it was saying like, is she coughing?

I was like, well, she's got cough anyway. So it was really hard to know. And I rang 111 and they were like, you should go to A&E and just like, if there's any doubt whatsoever, then she should always go to A&E. And I have to say, I had the most incredible A&E experience. I was ready for the worst.

I went there armed with like, the iPad was loaded, all the snacks. I was like, we're gonna have a terrible afternoon, but at least I'll have peace of mind. We checked in and I think because with that, like if they have swallowed a battery, there's no mess in. They wanna see you.

It's an emergency. And I think it was urgent. So they were like, we walked in, they saw us straight away, went to the triage. We had an x-ray within about 10 minutes, literally walked in. They were like, Sadie, yeah, that's us. Like I have to say, like they were amazing. This is my local A&E.

And then we saw the consultant. And as soon as I did the x-ray, the woman was like, it doesn't matter. There's nothing in there. And then when we waited to see the consultant for a bit longer, she was like, there's nothing in there and she ruled it out. But oh my God, the stress of being like, could she have like, and is she... It's terrifying. What's going to happen?

Like, is she going to be sick? Is it going to be worse? Like, honestly, the stress and also that's really hard happen? Like, is she going to be sick? Is it going to be worse? Like, honestly, the stress and also that's really hard when you're, there's not another parent or family nearby where you can go, can you just look after the toddler? I'm going to take her to hospital on my own. Like I just had to, we just had to all be like, right, we're going to A&E for the day. And actually, you know, even though it wasn't as bad as I anticipated, I was just so glad to just know that night that like I could breathe easily and just

be like, she's fine. There's nothing wrong. But also let that be a lesson. Like don't have, I mean, obviously I didn't think she could get access to that cupboard. I didn't know the batteries were in there. Our batteries are really, really high up. All ours are really high. Do you know what it was? It's a cupboard with like no handles or no lip that they can't normally open. But Joseph had opened the cupboard next door, which is a toy cupboard. And she had got a little fingers in the side.

So it's like a scenario that had never happened before. And obviously I didn't think it would come about, but it's like one of those things, like it's not until it happens that you know it can happen. It's like when they roll off the bed, you're like, oh, now I know I'm not gonna leave them on the bed anymore. So that was last Friday. And that was like such a stressful,

stressful time that weekend. And then Stefan came back and I was like, I just need to like breathe a sigh of relief and have a glass of wine. Cause that was really stressful. But yeah, apart from that, she's doing great. The trauma with Joseph was getting his hair cut

went yesterday, screamed throughout. No. Yeah. That makes me really sad. Yeah, I don't know why he hates it so much. I literally can't explain to him enough. Like, it's not gonna hurt you, it's fine. It's gonna be all good.

It's gonna take five minutes. Just sit still. You get a lollipop at the end. And he said to me before we went, I'm not gonna cry, I'm gonna be a brave boy. He knows what's coming. And then when we get there, I literally have to pin him down and like wrestle him into the chair. And he is screaming the whole

time. I don't know what I think the next time I'm going to try a hairdresser come into the house. Yeah. I was going to say, why don't you have one come to the house and then just be in his own environment, put something on the table. That is his safe space. Cause I have also seen that as Joe, you've been out in the garden and was just saved out in the garden. Well, this is the other thing we were out in our friend's garden the other day on the day that it was really hot. It was like 22 degrees and he missed out on playing loads with his friends because he was, there were dogs there that he was scared of. And also he's got this thing now about he's scared of flies and bees. And obviously they're around

a lot in the summer. And as soon as he sees them like buzzing around, he is really scared about a fly going in his ear. Have you bought him some? Should I buy him headphones maybe? I think that would really- To cover up his ears? I honestly think it would really, really help. That's a really good shower actually.

I think you can get the little, you can get children's ones, can't you? Yeah, he's actually got some. Sound canceling. Yeah. I think you should try it. Put them on him in the garden maybe. And I think, again, sometimes it's just a safe thing

when you can't hear, because sometimes opening the door, when you hear the birds, the wind, cars, airplanes, it's very, very overwhelming sensory. So I wonder if you should try them with some canceling headphones. That's a really good idea. As much as we tell him, like, they're not gonna hurt you.

They're not interested in you. Nothing's happening. They're just buzzing around. He will not take his hands off his ears. He's like closing his ears. I think you should give it a try. That's a really good idea actually. I'll try that and let you know.

Please, because the weather has been so beautiful. And I was saying he was out helping Stefan do the gardening. I know. I might actually have a child that goes in the garden this summer. That'd be amazing. I know and it's so hard.

Cause well, my three love the garden. Like you can't get them in. I struggled to get them in. I'd rather it be that way round than the other way round. We can't really leave him in the garden overnight. You stay out here, yeah. We'll be up in the morning.

I'm having my big cocktail on the sofa. No, it's annoying though, because when the weather's really nice, he's like, I just want to go inside. And I'm like, come on, the weather's not nice that much. We need to go outside and make the most of it. But yeah, he's just having a bit of a funny patch. It's all just, don't, yeah, but you can't get stressed about these things.

No. Because as always, what we'll say, you do. And every child's progression is so completely different. Yes. And it's just, it's just what makes Joseph Joseph. And if they need a little bit of help sometimes in certain things, then that's okay. And if that helps him,

God, you take that any day, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's a really good idea. I'll try that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God bless you. Well, we've both been one at AME. I feel like mine's not as bad as yours,

but we've really been through the walls this week. I think we both have. That's a lot. Yeah. That's scary though. Well, stressful, yeah. That is really, really stressful. God bless you, my love.

So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mom Pod or you can email us hello at secretmompod.com. Oh, hi, Greg James.

Hi Alice Levine. People might know you from the roundest podcast you do. It's cricket and people will know you I guess from oh my dad's in a scandal, whatever. Rude. Anyway, whatever podcasts you listen to, you are going to love this. We're here to tell you about the UK's biggest podcast festival, Crossed Wires. Great radio voice. It's three days of your favourite podcast shows, all in iconic venues across Sheffield from the 4th to the 6th of July.

Let me give you some of the line up. Go on. So Grimmy and Angela Hartnett are going to be doing Dish live. Amazing. We're also going to have We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson. On the Sofa. The Corrie one. Secret Mum Club. And Drunk Women Solving Crime. We should also say we have Help I Sexed In My Boss but it sold out so quickly I'm almost loath to mention it. Well then don't mention it. But actually I'm glad you did because

that's a reminder. If you don't get tickets now you might not get them. Crossed Wires is a weekend of live podcast shows but also free performances, after parties. We're generally just going to have a really lovely time. Tickets are on sale now. Head to crossedwires.live to get yours. That's crossed, C-R-O-S-S-E-D. Wires, the usual spelling, then a full stop, then the word live. Is that clear?

He's brains and beauty. It's time for another correspondence cocktail. How's that cocktail hitting you? Really nice. So good, isn't it? Nice buzz. Do you like pina coladas? Getting caught in the rain.

So Emma and I would really like to hear from you. That's not your bit. What? So Emma. Let's hear it. Oh, sorry. The cocktails are on. Cocktails are hitting.

So Emma and I, no? So Emma, let's hear it. What the fuck, is that the right line? No one knows. Got there in the end, there we go. This one says, hello ladies. Hello ladies. Every time it says ladies, I went, ah, the single ladies.

Ah, the single ladies. Ah, the single ladies. Now ladies. Every time it says ladies, I went, ah, the single ladies. Ah, the single ladies. Ah, the single ladies. Now put your hands up. I've just watched the episode where you talk about Dottie's eating and I had to message my Daisy is exactly the same. She's been like this since she was around two and she's now eight. I used to worry constantly about her eating, would say things like, if you don't eat that, you can't have anything else.

But over time, I just thought, you know what, I'll give her whatever she will eat. We've been through doctors, dieticians, the law, and they've all said the same thing. They can't help because Daisy has a sensory eating disorder. So I've just had to wing it and trust the process. These days we sit down together and talk about the food she likes and dislikes just to help her feel more comfortable around food. I really wish there was more support out there for this because some days I honestly sit there and think how on earth do you serve dinner to this girl from Emily? Emily, you could have written that, that be my life. Yeah. Because ours is massively and

do you know what? There was a lot of people that were so, so, so insanely positive and so lovely on this, this clip. Do you remember the sausages? Yeah. The sausage, the sausage clip. Um, that sounded dodgy. Um, but it was, um, 99% of it was insanely positive and there was a lot like, Oh, you should get a diagnosed. You should go and find out. You should do this. You should do that. She's got this. She's got that. Do you know what? It's okay to sometimes not want to have any tests done. It's okay to not have to go and put a label on something. Yeah. And I, you know, if people want to, to do that, that's, that's insanely fine. Like you're allowed to go and have diagnostics and do what you think is fit for your child. But mine isn't to take her to a doctor and find out if there

is, if there is something that's, you know, I don't want to say wrong because I don't want that to be the wrong word. I don't want it to say that there's something wrong with her because she's my daughter and I get maybe I'm a little bit selfish in the fact that I don't want to, I don't want to think that but as her mum, I want one want to make her feel comfortable, two want to make sure she's fed, three want to make sure she's fed. Three, want to make sure she's healthy. And four, I just want to be the best mom that I can be for her. And do I think she's got sensory issues? Massively. She's got sensory issues with clothing, socks, pants. She hates, hates, she wears socks inside out because she cannot stand the front of the

socks touching her toe. So we turn them inside out. So the,, you know the chunky bit that's on the inside of the sock? Where the joint is. It's on the outside because she can't handle it. She doesn't like the way shoes fit, clothing fits. I'm fully aware of that. And food is something that was kind of maybe the last thing on the list because socks have always been and clothing or pants have always been an issue to Dotty.

But food has kind of now been the last thing. But who the fuck am I to question, you know, to question her if she doesn't like eating a certain thing, I'm not going to fight it because one, not only am I going to stress myself out in the process, all I'm going to do is stress her out. And if I'm feeling stressed and she's feeling stressed, it's a very unhappy house. And when there's five of us in the house, it just escalates into bigger things. And do you know what, there might be a time when she comes 18 and says, do you know what, I'm gonna try and eat a steak.

That's cool, because then that's her choice. She's an adult, she understands, she knows textures. And she can say to me, actually, I just really don't like the taste of meat or I really don't like the texture. But right now she cannot explain that to me. She can't say, she can say it smells weird or I don't like the taste of that.

But she doesn't know about textures or feelings or anything like that. And also I think we really like expect children to just eat whatever we serve in front of them. Like eat guava and avocado. And it's like adults have their own preferences. Adults have things they don't like and they won't eat. And yet I'm the same with Joseph.

Like I put something in front of him and if he doesn't eat it, I'm like, I get a little bit like annoyed. I'm like, why are you not eating this lovely dinner that I've made for you? Sometimes it's even something that he's asked for. And then he kind of just changed his mind because he doesn't like the look of it.

Like I gave him a curry yesterday. It wasn't the usual curry that he has. And he was like, I don't like that curry. I want a different one. I was like, well, this is the one you've got. It was with couscous instead he has. And he was like, I don't like that curry. I want a different one. I was like, well, this is the one you've got. It was with couscous instead of rice. And he was like, I don't like that one. And I was like, well, just sit down and try it.

And then in my head, I'm like, of course, as a toddler, you're like, what the hell is that? Like, no, I'm not going to. But I think it's been programmed so much into our heads to be like, because we are at the stage that we're at, you kind of need to revert yourself back and put yourself into their shoes. So it would be like, look, God bless my mom, but growing up my whole entire life, my mom would say, you're not getting any dessert until you eat and clear

your plate. So then I had a, not a bad relationship, but yes, I did have a bad relationship with food because I have to finish everything. So if I was given this massive portion of food, I felt that I had to clear my whole plate because that's what my mom has told me. You must clear your plate, otherwise you don't get a dessert. And then I'd eat this massive plate of food and then I'd have this massive dessert.

And people always question me all the time is to like, why'd you put so much variety in a lunchbox? Because I'm sorry that she might get to school and go, do you know what? I actually don't wanna eat my sandwich today. I'm gonna have my three yogurts, because I'll give her a three different variety of yoghurt and my fruit today, because not every day we want to eat the same food.

And I think sometimes we just need to take ourselves back and put ourselves in their position, because there's days we don't fancy food, isn't there? Imagine when it's blistering hot sunshine and somebody goes, are you roasting? Are you thinking, yeah, I just want a salad. Oh, I want it was a bloody salad with a bachard grilled breast on it. Thank you. But yeah, it's just it's just one of those you've got to just go and

take a couturre brilled breast. All right. You just got to take yourself back, haven't you? Exactly. And then always thinking logically, but you've just got to try and understand where they're coming from. I know, and I've been there and I've dealt with the frustrations and I have gone through the angry stage where I'd just be like, just fucking hate that, you know, because I'd be like, why is everybody else eating this food, but you're fucking not? And you worry that they're going to be hungry. Yeah, but let me tell you, the girl does not go hungry. And if she says to me, the other day I made some sausages,

because she's been on, she went on the sausage, went off the sausage and I cooked some sausages yesterday and I made them and she was like, these smell different, these sausages. And I was like, I promise you, they're exactly the same sausages that we have. Why don't you give them a try? So I was like, I'll give you one. She was like, no, I'll take two.

Because sometimes she's like, oh, I'll take two sausages. And I said, it's okay to have one because then if you try and you don't like it, it doesn't matter. But obviously if we have two, it's okay to have one because then if you try it and you don't like it, it doesn't matter. But obviously if we have two, it may waste it. We could give one to maybe daddy or Colby. So she was like, no, no, I'm gonna have two.

Lo and behold, she tried the sausage and she loved it. But some days it's just not worth the battle and they, she'll eat the sausages, but she didn't want the mash or the peas, which again is- Did you have that last night? Yeah, sausage, mash and peas. I gave Joseph sausage, mash and peas last night

and all he ate was the sausages dipped in ketchup. Didn't want anything else. And then, yeah, an hour later, she had a bowl of cereal and she went to bed after that, but didn't want the mash. Joseph won't eat his dinner, but then he clears out my fruit bowl. And I'm like, all right, well. Exactly, I think we just put so much pressure on ourselves.

And I think, again, I know this is really silly because it is my job, social media is my job. There is just a lot of bad, there's just sometimes a lot of bad content around. I don't think it's bad content, but like, on my feed I see a lot of like, unrealistic. Like I see a lot of kids like moms just making them like steak and avocado and they just devour it.

And I'm like, great for you. My kid would never eat that. Honestly, I take my hat off and I think great for you. That's really, really wonderful for you. But that's just not what my children will eat. And sometimes it's like, well, don't tell them that's all they're getting then. That's not how you parent the child

because then you are causing a really unhealthy relationship with food. You just got to trust your gut. If they're hungry, I promise you they're going to ask you for food. Like Dottie will always tell me, mommy, I'm hungry. No, I'm not hungry. Colby tells me now, obviously we're in a predicament where Renly can't tell us, but yeah, you got to just trust your gut. And I think everything you're doing is fantastic. Yeah. Personally. And if your child does eat steak and do from our potatoes over a bed of spinach, white wine cabal, great for you. Yeah. Great. And honestly, I love that because there was a stage where Dottie did eat wonderful, wonderful dinners, but that's just not where we're at now. And

that's okay. Yeah. But yeah, thank you. Thanks, Emily. Yeah, thank you, Emily. God bless you. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember,

we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Right, I'd like to share my secret of this week, but Emma's got an absolute belter for us. She's going for a fucking hack trick. Hack trick? A hack trick.

Is it a hat trick? Hat trick. Hat, H-A-T-T-R-I-C. Three in a row. T-R-I-C-K. Three in a row. Wow, so Emma, blow everyone's bloody socks off with this one, because you just blew my nipples off.

All right. Are you ready? Are you ready? Buckle the fucking roll please. My period is back. What? I know. That is so bad. I'm so sorry. But baby number three, here we come. I literally said to Stefan well, we could go again now and the gap would get them cocktails home. I know. Get in the kitchen. I'm ready to go. Flash your butts. It'd be great only if cocktails home. I know. Get in the kitchen. I'm ready to go. Flash your butts. It would be great only if my husband was in town.

He's never in. Right. We need to quit his job. That's an issue. Wow. I did say to him, if we have another one now, it would be three under four. Yeah.

Cause I could have a baby by January. Wow. If I got pregnant straight away. You're thinking about it. You weren't. Oh God no. Can you imagine that? Three under four.

Wonderful. Two under two, kind of nearly finished me off. But yeah, periods back and I worked out it's been nearly two years. Emma. It's been nearly two years without a period. How does it feel? Was it a big blowout? Big summer blowout of your big vagina? Oh, your vagina is not even big. I'm so incredibly sorry. What the fuck? Where did your big vagina come from? Big summer blowout is what I'm gonna call it from now on. Cause I've had my big summer blowout. Big summer blowout. Let me tell you.

Wow. She heavy. She heavy. She heavy. She heavy, she thick. God, it came back with a vengeance. She's doing bits. And I was like, I have not missed this.

I was back on those postpartum sanitary towels. The one right from the front to the back. From the front to the crack. The banana boat. That's where it's at. Yeah. The banana boat with the extra wings. And it's also got, not only it's got extra wings, dinghies.

It's got overboats. It's like the Titanic surfing in my vagina. Wow. Yeah, huge, huge. How have you been feeling with that? I felt okay. How's it back then? Cause we're still boobying. I know this does happen though. It's happened to my sister as well. It can come back still because obviously the level is so reduced. Like I'm only feeding her probably like once a day now. And I actually don't know how much she's taking because she's still very hungry. I think it's more of just

a comfort to her. Like she's not getting full up from it hungry. I think it's more of just a comfort to her. Like she's not getting full up from it now. Dummy still. Yeah. And I only feed her once a day when she wakes up from her afternoon nap. Do you don't even do bedtime? I always, it's stupidly in my head. I always thought the bedtime one was the last one. Do you know what? That is one that a lot of mommies keep, but we have always actually given her a bottle before bed because I think it fills her up more.

Okay. And also it means that Stefan can do bedtime because he normally puts a little bit of bed and I put Joseph to bed. But if I am now I'll do the morning feed and if she wakes up in the night and she needs anything, I'll feed her then as well. But the amount I think is so minimal that my body's like ready to have another baby. I mean, that's not what it means obviously, but I am thinking long-term going forward, how am I going to manage another baby. I mean, that's not what it means obviously, but I am thinking long-term going forward, how am I gonna manage this? Because I don't think I wanna have a period every month,

but I don't wanna go back on contraception. I was thinking of maybe getting the implant again. Are you? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like it's a big one. I don't know. I'm obviously a non-conscious receptive gal

because of my medical history. Yeah, my medical history. Yeah. So I am actually a non-contraceptive gal because of my medical history. So I am actually a non-contraceptive. So we're just down to the old balloon on the willy. Yeah. But where did that get you before? Renly. So now we're just two years deep of no hugs. So poor Chrissie over there. Well at least I've got a good excuse now. We're dry out driving the desert. I mean that's the only time you have that special cuddle.

Yes. Itchy legs. When you have a baby, that's right. Yeah. No one does it for fun, surely. No one's doing that shit for fun. I've got a good excuse for Stefan. I would say there's three children in the room, so I'm a little bit like.

Yeah, we've got to be careful here. Careful with our wording. The kids are here today. It's the holidays. But yeah, honestly, I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten what ball-legged is. Do you know, like I was just going to work and I was like counting the amount of hours

I've had my tampon in and I was like, wow, I haven't had to think about this shit for two years. Two years, I think I rode it out pretty good. Would you get a cup? Yeah, I feel like you're the greatest advertisement to get me to convert to a cup. It's a moon cup. If you've tried a moon cup, do let us know.

Cause I am intrigued by them. Yes, you are. I think it would be, yeah. I mean, it's better for the environment. How is it with a wide vagina? Is there different cup sizes? That's what I need to know. I don't know.

And obviously my vagina is intact. Mine's huge. So you'd need a large. Yes. I'd maybe be on an extra small. Black hole in there. Oh no, is anyone in there? Oblivion.

La la la. La la la. But yeah, I'm a bit guided about it, but also, you know, relieved to know my body is working in the right way. It's so beautiful, isn't it? But literally, God, I felt like I was in those postpartum hell days again, when I woke up from bed and there was just, it's just everywhere, isn't it?

Yeah. It's just messy. You know what, mine was actually so bad this month that I leaked through, and I've never leaked through to the bed, only after having the babies. Oh, God. Yeah. You have to wash the sheets basically every day. Because I do have a confession to make and this is a really, really bad confession. Maybe should have been my secret of this week because I've been keeping a secret for a very, very long time.

It's a really bad secret. I wouldn't be excited. I'm very, very terrified about having my smear and I've put it off for a whole year. Do you know, I had a letter about that the other day. We gotta go. I know we gotta go. Should we do it? We go together. I would really love that.

Different health boards but. Yeah, I am absolutely terrified. Why? Just because I think I've- Of what they might find. I think I'm, because of all the medical history that I've had previously with regards to my cervix, I've just been putting off, but I would say I actually really hate myself for it because it's

so insanely important. It takes two seconds and we really should do it. So by the time we get back here, I'm going to either have had it or booked it. So I'm holding myself accountable now. Let's promise we're both going to do it. Promise. Whether you've got it booked in or whether you've had it or booked it. So I'm holding myself accountable now. Let's promise we're both gonna do it. Whether you've got it booked in or whether you've had it done, by the time we get back here next week, we have to have it on all cards on the table. Even if they are gonna find something,

which they're not, I hope. Better to see it early. Better to get it early. I know, I know, I know the drill. And I'm just so angry at myself that I've left it this long now. But anywho, that was a lot. That was a whole lot of the secret.

That's big news from everybody on every front. Period's back, smears are in. Yeah, huge news. So we'll be back with some of yours after this short break. Shall we crack another cocktail? We've got three secrets we're gonna be discussing this week. We've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, take it away with number one. Hi, gorgeous girls. Oh, that's us. That's what it says. Yeah. Oh gosh. So I'm very slurry with the words. I feel very sorry with these kicklists. We're three cocktails

deep now. Listen, two and a half. So this is going to deteriorate as it goes. It's getting worse through the episode. I'm a first time mum to a little boy named Brody A now. Listen, this is going to deteriorate as it gets worse through the episode. I'm a first time mum to a little boy named Brody Axton. Oh, he's just turned one. Brody Axton, what a stunning name. And I'm struggling to get him to use a spoon or a fork. What? I mean, girl, he's I've got a nine year old eats with his fingers. I was gonna say, I've got a three year old who won't do that. Don't be. I eat with my fingers. There's something so delightful about eating with your fingers. She still won't use a spoon or a fork won't do that. Don't be strange. I eat with my fingers. There's something so delightful about eating with your fingers. She still won't use a spoon or a fork.

Fuck that shit. Too much washing up. Yeah. He started solids at around four months and did so well. At about eight months, he began feeding himself with his hands. And I was so proud. Now, though, I'm having to feed him nearly every meal. He'll pick up food and feed himself,

but then gets distracted and starts playing with it instead of eating. So I step in and help in between. He often grabs the spoon from me, but just plays with it. Yes. If I try to guide him, he gets upset and pushes me away. I'm worried he's not eating enough. How can I encourage him to feed himself with a spoon or a fork? Love, Kylie from sunny South Africa. 12. Kylie, let me tell you. Kylie, girly. Do not worry. Do not stress. You've got to understand we are now in a massive phase of sensory. This is all sensory texture. He's one, which is a massive, massive, massive milestone of not only are you, he's walking or moving or everything around him is changing. He's growing. Sight at one is mental.

If you can Google the sight as to what babies go through in the first year of their life, when they get to one, it's mental what they can see. Textures, smells, everything at this age, it changes. And I don't think you have anything to worry about. Not at all. Renly does not get fed by a spoon. We load his spoon and we load a spoon. He plays with his spoon in his hand with the food on it,

but we feed him with the other one. So we have two spoons at dinnertime. And some days it's just a chuck it all on and go. Or because Renly is a bit of a porker, we have to give him one piece of food at a time because otherwise he will shove a whole sausage into his mouth and takes no shame. So I think you just got to ride the wave, mama.

I know this stage is very, very messy, very, very hard to control, but you got to kind of let this stage go for me. This one is one we definitely have to feel it. I think I'm a bit like Kylie. I do, because I worry that they're not eating enough. I do step in and help them. Cause I'm like, I'd rather you be full,

I'd rather you be full than learn how to use your own knife and fork. And now I've got three year old who basically won't feed himself. Even though he can, he is kind of a way of manipulating us into into feeding him. He's getting a lot, lot better. But so with Sadie, I'm like so much better at just leaving her to get on with it. Cause I'm like, I'm not having another three year old that won't feed themselves. But of course she won't do a spoon and a fork already. I put things on her little tray that she can feed herself with her hand. And like you say, she loves feeding it. She'll get stuff and just squish it. She looks like a power hungry megalomaniac. Me and Stefan were joking the other day, we

were giving her satsuma segments and she's like, ah! Rennie's with the broccoli because it's stuck in the stems and all the little trees pop out and they're like, yeah. I mean, obviously it's so messy, it's very stressful, but I'm like determined to leave her to it a bit more so that she learns how to feed herself. But spoons and forks, God, no. I mean, I'll feed her with a spoon,

see how far along the meal I'll get until she wants to grab it. Then I do the same as you. I give her the decoy spoon and then I have an actual spoon that I feed her with, just as she gets a little bit more in there. But I would not stress about it at all. He's still so young.

We're in a massive, massive stage of texture. Yeah. And I would say I eat with my hands. I love eating fish and chips with my hands, sausages. Yeah. Yeah. Even sausage and mash, keep it up, dunk it in the peas. Like I love eating with my hands. I don't know what it is.

But I would say now it's something we do do. If I make like a broccoli pasta bake, I will keep some of the broccoli and the pasta before I'm malgamate it together with the sauce. I keep it separate. So while I'm feeding him with the spoon, he has all the stuff that's in the dish to touch. So he has pasta to play with, broccoli stems to play with.

So I give him the food as a component on his tray while I'm feeding him because he gets distracted by playing with the tree and isn't aware of me feeding him. And then you from the bowl, you can then see if I know a lot of people do worry about that. So if you're, you want to keep a control on how much they are eating or know that put the dinner on the side, but give them the components individually too. Because I definitely feel like it's a texture. You have to feel the texture of things while you're eating them. So to give them the food to play with while you're feeding it, one, you can see how much they've ate, but two, they've had a good sensory session.

Yeah. I saw a video on Instagram the other day and it was like even a baby throwing their food over the side of the high chair is like a developmental milestone. So the things that we get potentially annoyed about is just them like spitting the food out and taking it out and putting it back in. It's all learning. Exploring their environment.

But you're doing, Kylie, you're honestly doing the bestest job and I know is it baby number one? Did Kylie say she's a first time mom, didn't she? Yes. I think you're doing fantastic. Yeah. I think you're honestly doing the best, best job. So just stick with it, trust your gut and keep smashing it.

Yeah, he'll be fine. Yeah, he's doing great. Don't worry. And I would say very normal. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Okay, so thank you. So we roll into number two.

Right, this one says, hello ladies. Hello. I'm a mom of two gorgeous boys aged six and three and I'm currently pregnant with our baby girl. I've just gone back to work after five years as a stay at home mom I'm only doing two days a week and on those days my husband drops our oldest at breakfast club while I take our three-year-old to nursery. My husband works away or finishes late the other three days so I'm usually home alone with the kids. As summer approaches his job gets busier and his boss has now given him an ultimatum either leave early so he can do Breakfast Club or reduce his hours and go part-time. His boss actually

suggested our six-year-old could get a taxi to school on his own on those days or I could quit my job and stay at home again. What the fucking hell is going on? This is taking a turn. What is this? The thing is my job might require me to start at 7.30am so I physically can't get our son to school. I'm so frustrated that I'm just seen as mum and not that my job matters too. It's not right that working women can just be brushed off like this. My husband is super supportive of me but we just don't know what to do. I love my kids more than anything but I've really enjoyed having some time for myself again after five years at home. Thank you from anonymous.

What the fuck is this employee? What the fuck? Who the fuck are you to tell? I think you might have a case for like a civil- I definitely would go to a civil claims court. A civil court for that. Yes. That is, you can't, you know.

That is really, you cannot. You can't do that. You can't give an ultimatum like that. Fucking who the fuck- Oh, your wife could just stay at home. Yeah, just tell your wife to quit her job. Her fucking health and mental health matters and her life matters. She's not just a mom.

She's a fucking human being. This is really pissing me off. You were having convulsions while I was reading that. What the fuck? And who the fuck are you to say to a dad, you need to lower your hours and go part-time or maybe you should... Who the fuck are you to tell me? The thing is, it puts the dad in a really hard position because obviously he probably doesn't obviously want to lose his job. need to lower your hours and go part time or maybe you should, who the fuck are you to tell me?

The thing is it puts the dad in a really hard position because obviously he probably doesn't obviously want to lose his job. No! So he now probably feels like he has to- He doesn't want to lose their job. No, but he probably now feels like he has to do what the boss is asking of him rather than just walking out. You can't walk away from it.

Fuck! You can't walk away from your job, but that is, that is not okay. That is not okay. I would definitely take that further. That's awful. I would, okay. I would definitely take that further. That's awful. I would really take that further. No one in any way, shape or form can give you whether he said it's an ultimatum or not an ultimatum

or that's how you perceived it. I would take it as a fucking ultimatum. I would go to a claims court. I would take that further. Or definitely escalate it within your, I mean, it's always awkward having like disputes at work, but I would definitely raise that within the husband's company.

I would definitely raise that. And say, I'm not being treated fairly here. No. This is not. I bless you. And she's saying her husband is so supportive of her. But he probably feels between a rock and a hard place because he wants to support her.

Can't you just add also, the fucking hell tells the child six years old to get a fucking taxi. Get the taxi. Bet he's got years old to get a fucking taxi. Bet he's got no kids. Piss me off, you've really pissed me off. Give me his details, send me a message personally. Yes, if you know what's fucking out.

Sort him out, the knob. What? Get an attack, tell your child to get a taxi. You bet your six year old in a taxi. Bet he's not even a dad, is he? No, I bet he's got no kids. It's really pissed me off. It's really got on my tits that has.

My saggy Friday tits too has my saggy Friday tips too. My braless tits. And who are we to tell a woman, sorry you're a mum why don't you just stay at home? Why don't you just stay at home then? Well she's about to be at home again because she's pregnant. She is that's not the fucking point. No I know. That isn't the point.

I would want to escalate this further in your husband's role. It's very awkward though. Bless your husband though because he's obviously stressed. No it's not awkward. No but I do feel I feel for him because he's obviously stressed. No, it's not awkward. I feel for him because it's like, it's always hard to have workplace beef because they could take it out on him.

Like he could get like treated unfairly at work. I hope this is a job that he can do somewhere else. I hope it's just that he's, that's the firm. So he could go somewhere else and do this job. But in this economic climate, no one's walking out of a job. No, escalate it fucking further. Walk away from it.

Once you've secured yourself a job with someone else. Fuck me, that's really pissed me off. That's not okay though. No, you're a lot calmer than what I am. Wow. Well, from what I can read, I hope you really fucking flip your lid. That's not okay and I hope you managed to get it resolved

and also congratulations on your pregnancy. Congratulations, sorry. I literally, my anger overshadowed this as to how cross I am for you. Congratulations. I hope the boys are doing well. Congratulations on the girlies. She's gonna have a six and three

and then a little baby girl. Oh my gosh. But please stick to your guns and sort this fucking shit company out. Don't give up your time. I think that might be borderline illegal. So you've got a case. I think it's borderline illegal.

But we appreciate you so much. Thanks Anonymous. Did we give any advice on that? I think we just got mad, but. Sorry, I'm really sorry. I really felt that for you. That was fucking shit. Right, let's have secret number two to calm us down.

Because that was wild. Hey lovely ladies. Hello. When my son Matthew was little, between 12 months and about five years, he used to hold in his poo for up to a week we ended up having loads of doctors appointments hospital visits and trying different medications eventually we were told there was nothing physically wrong he just had a fear of doing a number two. Oh Matthew. He was prescribed suppositories which had to be given at night so he couldn't hold

it in he was about three at the time so you can imagine the ordeal of trying to hold him still long enough to insert a child- suppository. Oh God. But after what... Don't do it me and swallow a suppository. It's no fun for no one. Supposed to go the other way. But after what felt like hours, we finally managed it and the next morning it worked. He couldn't hold it in and went for a poo. Yes Matthew. We thought, that's it. We've cracked it. Later that day, I popped into our local Sainsbury's with Matthew. I needed to use the toilet so he came into the cubicle with me. It was busy with a queue and while I was

sat having a wee, little Matthew loudly announced, Mummy, I don't like it when you and Daddy put things up my bum at night. It makes me sad and it hurts. Can you promise not to put anything else up there? Oh God. The entire bathroom went silent. I just froze. I didn't know what to say without making it worse. So I said nothing. I sat there for about 15 minutes waiting for the toilets to empty, fully convinced the police would be waiting outside for me. Matthew is now 28. Matthew! With perfectly healthy bowel habits. after all of this, Matthew, you've caused 28. And he's pooing normally, thank God. But we still laugh about the innocent comment

that could have got me arrested from Sharon. Sharon, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry then or whether to be serious. Sophia was looking at me like, pull it together, woman, pull it to fucking gather. I, what the fudge. Shazza, that is the stuff of nightmares. Poor Matthew.

Can you stop putting things up my bum? That's actually really sad that he's, that break my heart that he said that. It really, it broke my heart, but in that moment I fell instantly sick, terrified, terrified of what was gonna come from this. I would have definitely done a shower in an expected police outside.

Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's, you're on police territory there. Do you know what? Joseph's become fascinated with jail. Has he? And he keeps like making up things that I've done to like get me sent to jail. Don't tell him about Matthew's suppositories otherwise you are fucked. The things he says, he said to my dad, so his granddad the other day, can you put daddy

in jail, Stefan? And my granddad said, well, what's daddy done? And he said, he bashed Sadie in the face. I was like, do not say that outside of this house. That is not true. And you're gonna get us in trouble. Well, that's poor Matthew. Exactly. So I said to Matthew, what's happened? My mom and dad have been putting things in my bum.

Putting things up my bum at night. Yeah, and it's really hurting me. But when he said it makes me sad and it hurts, oh, don't. Matthew. I can't deal. And now Matthew's 28. Hopefully never had to put a suppository in his bum. Do you know what I wish they'd had in those days,

which maybe they did, but it's what we give Joseph is Movacol. And it's just a laxative that you put in their drink every now and then, and it just keeps them regular. It keeps them going. We did Lackulose. Yeah, but we haven't had to put anything up his bum. Thank God.

Well, you could do a mink, be given a three week course of suppositories and swallow them for three weeks, and then wonder why your infection hasn't gone. Any who's he? Doctor, these aren't working. That's literally that was the whole conversation. I've taken these for three weeks and they're not working. And he went, how have you been taking them? Sorry. When you say taken them, yet swallowed them. They're really fucking hard to swallow. They're meant to insert them in your bum. Right. What are they like dry? So fucking dry, I thought I was gonna choke,

instant dry mouth. I had to break them in half to swallow them because they were so big. So it wasn't when I went back to the doctor and I was like, these haven't worked, like it's still there, it's still hurting me. I'm in agony and he'd be like, all right, so what have you done?

I took the course for three weeks. Three weeks? Three weeks. I took them three weeks, two suppositories a day. You took fours dryer, 42 suppositories. Yep, 42 suppositories. Okay, well, thank you, Sharon. And I'm glad Matthew's now fine. I hope you got over that one quick. And pooing normally. I'm glad. We would like to hear from you. God bless and we're glad to hear his bowels are great. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets

with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Has your little one made you out to be a criminal? Yes. Or are you struggling to introduce cutlery to a toddler? Let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club! Oh hi Greg James. Hi Alice Levine. People might know you from the rounders podcasts you do.

It's cricket and people will know you I guess from oh my dad's in a scandal, whatever. Rude. Anyway, whatever podcasts you listen to, you are going to love this. We're here to tell you about the UK's biggest podcast festival, Crossed Wires. Great radio voice. It's three days of your favorite podcast shows, all in iconic venues across Sheffield, from the 4th to the 6th of July.

Let me give you some of the lineup. Go on. So Grimmy and Angela Hartnett are gonna be doing Dish live. Amazing. We're also gonna have We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson. On the Sofa.

The Corrie one. Secret Mum Club. And Drunk Women Solving Crime. We should also say, we have Hell By Sex to my boss, but it sold out so quickly I'm almost loathe to mention it. Well then don't mention it. But actually I'm glad you did because that's a reminder. If you don't get tickets now, you might not get them. Crossed Wires is a weekend of live podcast shows but also free performances, after parties. We're generally just going to have a really lovely time.

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