Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Three

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

The ladies are back for Series three! In this special Thursday episode, Soph and Emma recap their festive break—Soph shares Renley's adorable new way of communicating, while Emma opens up about the chaos of tackling bedtime routines. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don't think there was a family that wasn't involved in it in some way. Everyone was a suspect. I'm journalist Luke Jones and for almost two years I've been investigating a shocking story that has left deep scars on generations of women and girls from Pitcairn. People will get away with what they can get away with. In the Pitcairn trials I'll be uncovering a story of abuse and the fight for justice that has brought a unique Pacific Island to the brink of extinction. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, this is The Secret Mom Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to Series...

Three! I should check how many fingers I had up then. I thought I was flipping you off. And welcome to series three. Three. I have to check how many fingers I had up there and I thought I was flipping you off. Wey. I can't do that anymore. Is it series three or season three? I think season is American. I think series is British. I'm going with season.

I went with season this morning. Sounds a bit more glamorous, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Season. Can't wait for our third season. Three is the magic number. Yes it is. That's why third season. Three is the magic number. Yes it is.

That's why you need another baby for number three. We come back around to that again. Full circle. We've got so much to catch up on. So much. Let's get straight into it. How were your holidays? Holidays.

Holidays. I want to sit here and say my holidays were great. This feels right. I feel very naked. Oh, yeah. Should we address the fact that we dress the elephant in the room? We've changed. Hi, I'm Sophia. Good. We've got a table. We've got a table. It feels weird. Emma's gone back to work. Yeah, that's that's the big elephant. There's lots of elephants. There's so much to catch up Yeah. That's the big elephant. There's lots of elephants in the room. There's so much news to catch up on. I think you're gonna have to tune into the main episode to get the full debrief. Yes.

But just to address the table in the room. We've taken on the boys table. We've got William and Jordan's table, haven't we? We have, we have. I feel very honored to have this. It feels a bit more official. Like, I feel like we've real, like we've upped our mum level era.

You know, when you're in the, like you have to sit in slow chair, like I call them slumpy chairs, like a slumpy chair, when you're in the midst of a brand new baby, but you level up to the table and they start eating, don't you? Well, that's why we had the slumpy chairs before.

We started off with a table. We came in here, we bring the babies into work. We had laid back comfy slumpy chairs with a little. We came in here, we're bringing the babies into work. We had laid back comfy, slumpy chairs with a little coffee table in the middle, like a chat show style. But now we've upped our game. Now the babies aren't here anymore. We're back at the table.

It's like a job interview, isn't it? And if they were here, hi, Ches. Yes. Shove them in some snacks. Join us at the table. Join us at the table. So we've left with a- They won't be coming back. Well, Renly might be.

Renly might. Sadie probably won't. Sadie's sick. She's in nursery now on a podcast day full day. That's so sad. So fucking sad, isn't it? I need to catch you up on it. But anyway, holidays. Christmas. Yes. Renly was sick. Oh, the whole we're like week four and he's still not great. What's wrong with him? He just had an awful, awful cold. Was also being vomiting. Being vomiting, was also being vomiting, being vomiting. Was also being vomiting. Being vomiting.

It basically became his whole personality because he was vomiting. Hi, I'm vomiting. Nice to meet you. Hi, my name's vomiting. I used to be Renly and now I'm vomiting. Seriously bad, like so bad. So he then went through this massive cold, didn't eat hardly anything, was having his milk but very minimal. And then just went

from two teeth to four teeth in the last week. Oh, do you think that's what it was? No, two teeth to six teeth. Sorry. He's grown four teeth in a week. And then he's got a big one at the back coming through. Stop. What the fuck is that? His development is wild. He's already got his molars and he's basically walking. He's got a molar coming in. He's got two at the top, four at the bottom.

Gosh. What the fuck? He's basically going for He's got a mola coming in. He's got two at the top, four at the bottom. Gosh. What the fuck? He's basically going for his mortgage next week. I don't know what's going on. He's supposed to get puberty. Yeah, he's going for his first job. Well, he is nearly one. He is, oh, we can't talk about that yet.

We're sad about it, aren't we? We can't, we can't. So it's sick the whole of Christmas, bless. Yeah, the whole of Christmas. Do you think Dottie and Colby brought something home from school? Definitely. A bug. Definitely, because they had a little bit of cold

over Christmas. But they can fight it better, can't they the, it wasn't the perfect, again, I put so much expectation on something to be perfect. It's like a night out, isn't it? With your friends. Yeah. The best night outs were the ones that weren't planned. Yeah. So because I wanted it to be such a certain way. And it wasn't, it was. Did you still manage to have a nice time? Yeah, of course we did. We, we were just with all my family the whole of Christmas. It was very chilled, very laid back. Everyone was very accommodating even though we told everybody, you know, he's poorly. We went away to Tapnell. How was that? Absolutely lovely. Although

Renly was really, really a while away and he didn't want anybody other than me. Oh, sorry. But we had some really... You must be shattered. What's new? I don't want to say. We haven't been sleeping. No, we haven't really either. No. So this disheveled look is just my new look for 2025. You look wonderful. You were saying you haven't washed your hair for two weeks, but it looks fabulous. No, do you want to see? Don't take that out.

Do you want to see? Come on. This is this is literally how I rock in 2025. Everyone's like, I'm just going to tell everyone the studio is really cold today, but when in fact, I don't actually have time to take a bath because Renly tries to climb in my bath. So I can't. That's how my hair looks 90% of the time.

I just have to quick wash on the old foo foo and away you go. Do the pits and the foo foo and then you're off. Tits, pits, bits and off you go. Get in the bath. Literally like the most shallowest bath. Just throw water over myself and away you go. Probably could have a shower, but... Yeah, why don't you just have a shower? I never have a bath. Because Renly climbs in.

Oh, he literally climbs in. So he'll be trying to get in the shower while I'm in there. At least the bath can try to contain them a little bit over the side. So yeah, no, it's been a it's been a crazy ride. We've done TAPNL, we went to Lapland. You didn't get stuck at TAPNL this time? No, we didn't get stuck this time. No, because you planned to stay there, didn't you? Although there was talks that the fog was bad on the same day that we arrived. Imagine.

Imagine we got stuck again. Like a curse every year. I'd keep doing it though, just to see if it ever ended. What a shame I'm stuck on this Christmasy Island. Oh no. I'm stuck here on this wonderful... Having a lovely festive time with all my family. It was so much fun.

It sounds great. I'd love to go. It was really, really good. It was really good. It was just nice to be away with everybody and there's no TVs there. What? Honestly, it was the biggest... I thought everyone was taking the piss because we've never stayed there.

Obviously, we stayed last year unexpectedly stayed. There was a TV in that one, but my sister has stayed previously in the lodge in the lodge, like loggy cabin. Yeah. That we stayed in. My sister stayed there before. So when I, with my mom and dad, so when we got there, my sister was like, Oh, be ready for no TV. I was like, and then my dad was like, how you capable with no TV? Well, it's actually no telling. I have to talk to my dad goes to put the radio on. What the radio? What is this 1925? I'm not putting the radio on, but it was nice because all the children were we were next door to each other. So they were either in there with us or in there with them or in there with us. So did they have like no screen time? No, nothing.

So they were just glued to their tablets? Yeah, no, no, we had no tablets. Right. No tablets. We had a tablet break because I thought, oh, there'll be a television there. It wasn't. I wish I took the tablets. I won't be not taking them next.

No, I'm joking. No, there was lots to do. We took lots of board games, lots of coloring. We did, I actually put the video on TikTok where we did the phone and you stand behind, did you see it? No. So we all sat at the front and you had to guess who the voice was. So obviously the children, we'd talk in our normal voices, but we did it. And I was the only one in the whole entire family to get 13 out of 13. Wow. I might have even got 14.

How many was there? 14 out of 13. 14 out of 13. 14 out of 15 because Renly can't obviously do it. No, I'm surprised you can't talk though, so advanced. He does this at the moment. No, no, no, no. My nephew does that.

Have you had a poo? No. Do you want daddy? And then you say, do you want mommy? And he goes, that's all you want. No, that's it. I thought you were going to say something. And then you go, do you want Colby? Do you want Dotty? Do you want a snack? do you want mommy? And he goes, that's all he does. No, that's it. I thought he was going to say something.

And then he goes, do you want Colby? Do you want Dottie? Do you want a snack? Do you want mommy? So he's not nodding, but he's just stopping shaking his head, which basically means yes. Yes, I do. And I say to him now, can you say mommy? And he says, no. Can you say Colby? No. And then he says, you say, can you say daddy? And he says, da, da, da, da. Oh, that's so cute. And yes. Yes. Do you want your bum, bum changed? Yes. No.

He doesn't say yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes and dada. He's so clever. I think it's the other two though. I'm putting it all on the other two. It's definitely them two. Oh, Joseph's teaching Sadie, fuck all.

Oh, I thought you were gonna say he's teaching her, fuck. That was obviously a water lad. No, but we need to be careful because he's copying everything we do. Jojo is? Yeah. Oh gosh. Yeah, so we need to be really careful around him. But it's hard not to swear when you've got a toddler

because they can be so effing exasperating, can't they? Well, you probably can't remember, but yeah, he's been a bit challenging. Is he? Yeah, I think I spoke about this before Christmas about his challenging behavior. I think our problem is, is, which is a big issue over Christmas, is the nap.

Dropping, he's like halfway between dropping a nap and needing a nap. The nursery is still letting him nap though. The nursery let him nap, but then bedtime's late. But if he doesn't nap, he's a nightmare. So I totally understand why they need to give him a nap. And also it's just like at nursery, all the other children nap in the middle of the day.

Well, some days he just doesn't. Like over Christmas, we were busy with cousins and stuff. So like, often he would just wouldn't have a nap during the day and he'd be like, he's busy, he's playing, he's fine. But then you'd notice like his behavior towards like the witching hour, like four or five o'clock, it would start to be like unbearable.

How is he at going down at bedtime then if you're stopping the nap? Really good, because he's so tired. So basically I'm like, it's kind of a lose lose situation because he naps in the middle of the day, because he's so tired. So basically I'm like, it's kind of a lose lose situation because he naps in the middle of the day, I get a bit of a break, he's more pleasant in the afternoon,

but then bedtime can be a real nightmare, or he goes down really late. And I'm like, I actually wanna go to bed now. Or he doesn't nap, he becomes a bit of a nightmare. Like some of the tantrums we've had over like dinner time and stuff has been wild. But then, you know, he's so tired, he's gonna go to bed straight away.

And then bedtime's really easy because he'll literally lay down at seven o'clock and be like, sometimes he's like, love you mommy, goodbye. And I'm like, oh my God, the dream. Sometimes he's developed a new habit where he's like, hold my hand and you have to stay in there and hold his hand.

That's really sweet. It's sweet until it's fucking 9.30. And I'm like, I'm knackered, I wanna go to bed. Sometimes- Been holding your hand for three hours. Sometimes I say to him,30 and I'm like I'm knackered I want to go to bed sometimes. Been holding your hand for three hours. Sometimes I say to him no I'm not. Do you? Because I don't want him to become and I know this is a thing that like a lot of my friends

who've got kids the same age are like they're going through something similar it's developmental don't worry like my friend said with her child it just stopped overnight so I'm like okay hopefully it just doesn't last long but some nights I can't like now that I'm back at my work on the radio. Your holding hand is my tickies. Is that what it is? He still likes to ticky snack. But they'll go he'll literally I'll be sat there for an hour and he's not nodded off.

And he'd be like, Oh, don't go. And I'm like, dude, it's quarter 10. You know how you try and slip away. I've already given Dottie tickies for an hour. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, you try and slip away and he's like, no, mommy, and he grabs my hand even tighter. And I think, fuck, I thought you were asleep. So I give him the yoto in bed. So that's a good help.

That's a big help. That is good. That is good. And we've just worked out how to control it from the app. Oh my God. Me and Stefan have been absolute amateurs for like, we've had it for a year. We've had it for ages, right?

And Stefan's like, oh my God, we can set a sleep timer on the app. Oh my God, we can set a nightlight. We can set a maximum volume. Cause he was cranking it up really loud and keeping the whole house awake. I was like, it's actually changed my life. You're okay. So first thing I did when we got ours.

Honestly, fabulous. Fabulous. So I've been doing that, but he does still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and he's like, hold my hand. And sometimes I'm like, no, no, mommy's got to go to bed. I'm asleep. Yeah, I literally go in there, my eyes closed. I'm like, mommy's asleep now. Okay. The problem is just, I know sleep talk is so boring, but other parents will get me. She wakes him up, he wakes her up. So if he's like, mommy, I've got to go in

because he's going to wake Sadie up. And Sadie still wakes up and cries in the night expecting a feed. She wakes him up. So you're trying to sort her out. And he's like, mommy, hold my hand. I'm just like, oh my God, I've got to be up at 4.30 in the morning.

I've got your boob out holding the baby. Let's go, kids. Just really touched out. Everyone just stop touching me. Just leave me alone. I just want to get eight hours sleep. I'm over stimulated. Honestly. It's two o'clock in the baby. Let's go. Just really touched out. You know, everyone just stopped touching me. Just leave me alone. I just want to get eight hours. I'm overstimulated. Honestly, it's two o'clock in the morning. I'm claustrophobic, Darren. And so it's been challenging. We had a lovely time, but we're going through a real transition period. So Christmas was not restful. It was Nacarim. Would you not move the bedtime forward an hour when he hasn't had a nap?

Yeah, that could work. Yeah. But then he might wake up really early, which is not my problem anymore. Cause Stefan's doing the morning. I've been out of the house for an half an hour. You're at work now. Yeah. It might do him good to go down that extra. I might, I might try that. Yeah. It's just, it's tricky with the joint bed time. It's cause it all depends on. Dep time does the lady go down? Depends on her last nap. Sometimes it's half six, seven, half seven. So it's been a challenge. You've been here, there and everywhere though

over Christmas with your families. We went from London to Essex, quick pit stop back in London, back to West Wales where we were for like a week. So that was quite a long time. Then back, then we had a quick turnaround at home for like two days, then I went back to work. It's wild. The laundry's coming out of my eyeballs.

I can, I poured mine on my head the other day. Poured it on the head and then I looked at it and like, fuck, who's picking this up? Me. Stefan's mom, to be fair, she spent all her Christmas doing all my laundry, like every day that we generated dirty clothes, she was like, I'm gonna do them for you so you don't go back to London

with any washing. I thought, thank you, I'm very appreciative. Maybe just put her in your bag and take her bag. But I was like, are you joking? Going back to London with no washing? I was like thank you, I'm very appreciative. Maybe just put her in your bag and take her back. But I was like, are you joking? Going back to London with no washing? I was like, I'll get straight back and my laundry bin will be filled up again. It's never, never not full. It's never not full. But do you know what? I've actually resigned from ironing. Have you?

I'm tempted to chuck the iron away. I've taken up ironing. I've done the opposite. I've got a really unhealthy relationship with it. Have you? And then the problem is, is because I feel like everything needs to be ironed, I'm plowing through all of the washing, the washing pile is getting so big. Yeah. And I'm like, it's okay.

I'll wait till I've done that load and that load's dry and then I put it on. But then in the meantime, I put another load on and then I'm like, no, I'll wait till that one's done. So I just do it all in one go. And now do you know what? I thought, fuck it. I'm going to buy myself a steamer and I'm just going to steam as I go. I now, we're three days back into school and I iron the outfits the night before.

Steam them? I do the lunch boxes, steam the outfits, line them up. It's been a breeze back at school. That's fab. It's honestly been a dream. Yeah. That's a good tip. I feel like I'm an organized queen.

I've taken up ironing, which you won't believe because we've spoken about this a lot before on the pod with our mums. Like ironing, my mum irons a bedsheet. It's nice to be like, mom, you're mental. Now that I tumble dry everything, it's so creased, I'm like, this needs an iron before it goes on the bed. What, in the tumble dryer? In the tumble dryer, it gets really creased.

Oh, I thought it was meant to get uncreased in the tumble dryer. No, because it's all like screwed and like bundled up. Maybe I'm tumble drying it too long. Do you give it a shake before you put it in? Yeah, I flatten it all out and everything, but it just gets all like wound up in there. So I've actually been ironing my sheets. My mom couldn't believe it. It was like a Christmas miracle. You've ironed your bedsheets? Yeah, I flatten it all out and everything, but it just gets all like wound up in there. So I've actually been ironing my sheets.

My mom couldn't believe it. It was like a Christmas miracle. You've ironed your bed sheets? Yeah, I know. I've changed women. Before things used to fucking iron. I was slacking my mom off just in December and now I'm like, new year, new me.

I'm ironing my sheets. 2025 you've taken up ironing. Been ironing my pillowcases. Also I do grind. Do you do the actual big sheet? Yeah, a little bit. Just like go over it a bit. But then- Why didn't you just make the bed?

I just run my steamer over it. Well, I've got a steamer, I've got bloody iron, I'm old school. Well, get a steamer, I'd say. New for 2025. Yeah, maybe I'll treat you to one. It's a present next year. We'll do that Secret Santa next year,

you get me a steamer. Yeah, it's not next year, it's this year. This year, sorry, can you just say it? I know. You think it's 2024. It's hard to get your head around it. It's like when the clock's changed, you go forward an hour, back an hour.

How long do we say? Meant to be six o'clock. By nine, it's gonna be March. Seven's hard to get your head around it. It's like when the clock's changed, you go forward an hour, back an hour. How long do we say? Meant to be six o'clock. By nine. It's gonna be March. Seven o'clock, meant to be six. I know, yeah. It's gonna be March before I realize it's 2025, but there we go.

So we had a lovely time. Did you do anything on New Year's? No. I got fucked up. Did you? No, I didn't. I don't do anything on New Year. We had a very low key party.

I had a couple of drinks. I thought you were gonna tell me you'd done some drugs. Drugs are bad. Okay. What did you do? We had a little party around Stefan's mom and dad's house, but he had work the next morning. So it was like very chilled, very low key.

My ideal thing is start early, finish early. So we started at like four. I think we finished at like eight thirty. Oh, I started at ten. Ten a.m. Yeah. Love that. And then I didn't even see midnight, did you?

No, we were in bed by five, all of us. 5 p.m. We all went bowling. Then we all, no actually, what did we do before bowling? We went ice skating, all of us. Then we went bowling. Then we went to do an escape room, home. We were all in bed by 5.30.

What an action packed day. I know, we did it with my mom and dad and my sister as well, my brother-in-law and the children. Three activities in one day. Yeah. But they were shattered. That's why we all went to bed at five o'clock. Yeah.

I was in bed by 10, which I was quite pleased with. But yeah, not asked about New Year. Had a couple of proseccoes. I was saying this to Zofia this morning. I don't ever end a text message or start a text message. I just carry on like we spoke two minutes ago. So I don't like to celebrate a new year because I don't want there to be an end of an old year to start a new year. It's just a rolling, consistent. Keep the fun rolling. Yeah, just keep the iconic list going.

Yeah. Life's iconic. When do you stop saying happy new year? Because we've been saying it to everyone today. I have to be polite, you know, I have to be polite. I say till February. Till February. Because you don't, I don't see a to be polite. I say till February. It's till February. Cause you don't, I don't see a lot of people. That's the thing, isn't it?

So if I bump into somebody that I haven't seen, probably haven't even seen them in 2024. Yeah. And then I see them in 2025. Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Yeah. Happy New Year times two.

See how I'm gonna say March. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And then I felt, no, not March, sorry, February. I feel like when you get to February, your balls deep in the year now. Yeah. Stop it. Yeah. Get out. Oh, God. Yeah. I feel emotional about it being February and March. I keep thinking about this time last year. Do you? Yeah. All the time. And I feel really stupid for thinking it. And you know what? Sometimes people are like, why are you so sad about it? And what's

with the fucking crack shit is on this is why did our pregnancies feel about 10 years long? Yet here we are over our pregnancy now in the flash of a light. It's been a year. It's been a year. It's wild. Yeah. Is that the most mental thing? It's eight weeks, eight weeks today. They're going to be one. Well, he's going to be one. Eight weeks today. That's wild, isn't it? How do we have ten month old babies? It goes so much faster when they're out, doesn't it? Yeah.

Because I think when you're pregnant, you're a bit like, oh, I'm a bit fed up with this. Although I love being pregnant, but you are a bit like, oh, it's a bit of a slog. And then when they're here, you don't have time to think, do you? No. Before you know it, I find the first birthday so emotional. I do cry on the first birthday. I hate it just since the first birthday so emotional. I do cry on the first birthday.

I hate it, just as a shock. It's really sad. And that's normal to be sad about the first birthday, I think. I think so too. Someone said about it the other day and I was like, it's okay to cry on the first birthday. I cried my eyes out. I remember handing Colby his first birthday cake for him to blow out the candles. I'm literally like this in the photo.

And Chris is like, why are you crying? This is so fucking sad. Like how has it been a whole year? Yeah. Second and third birthdays, like not as much for me, but like the first birthday is so momentous and I just keep thinking back about like, oh, this time last year, like I'm even getting like nostalgic about going for my scans and stuff. Is that fucking weird? No, it's not weird at all. And your bumps. Go for a third, I say. How many times can we say that this year?

See what happens by 2026. Right, well that's enough from us because we've talked a lot. Too much. Too much. Too much today. This is only meant to be a little dip the toe in. I know. And we've waffled on for about an hour. Yeah, I know. We want you to get in touch with us with your secrets and correspondence.

Yeah, let us know how your 2025 is going so far. You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. I don't think there was a family that wasn't involved in it in some way. Everyone was a suspect. I'm journalist Luke Jones and for almost two years I've been investigating a shocking story that has left deep scars on generations of women and girls from Pitcairn. People will get away with what they can get away with.

In the Pitcairn trials I'll be uncovering a story of abuse and the fight for justice that has brought a unique Pacific island to the brink of extinction. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. I don't think there was a family that wasn't involved in it in some way. Everyone was a suspect. I'm journalist Luke Jones and for almost two years I've been investigating a shocking story that has left deep scars on generations of women and girls from Pitcairn. People will get away with what they can get away with.

In the Pitcairn trials I'll be uncovering a story of abuse and the fight for justice that has brought a unique Pacific island to the brink of extinction. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.