Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Big Unclogging

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

Soph shares all the details from Renley’s big birthday bash, while Emma has a major buggy update. Plus, the ladies hear about one mum's itchy legs delivery and tackle a workplace toilet disaster. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Like parties? Ever thought what your perfect party would involve? To theme or not to theme? Are kids banned or are they only allowed to come if they dress like tiny butlers? Are you serving food or do you hate your guests? Then join me, Catherine Boehart, as I sit down with some very special guests to discuss their dream do in brand new podcast, It's My Party, all to celebrate Comic Relief's 40th birthday. No need to RSVP, it's an open invite. Just look for It's My Party on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you choose to listen. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma.

And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. And all those sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Oh, fuck it, didn't I? Fucked it. See, try and do it without looking again. Oh no, it's because you look so deep into my soul. I don't know what's fucking... I know, putting you off, isn't I? It's under pressure, isn't it?

Yeah. So much pressure. Also got my arms out today. I feel like very naked. I know, very spring-like. I know, but my arms don't match the colour of my face, so no one look at that. The shade is slightly off. You have to get a bit of sun on that.

I didn't get my skin out until like after the summer when I've got a little bit of a holiday tan. The sun has been sunning though. Yeah it has been but now it's cold again. Guess who was at Senni Peas and I got all the sun. Senni Peas for the hottest day of the year. Senni Peas for the sun! What a dream. Was it good?

Oh my god I just want to go back. Take me back. Oh and Renly's birthday. Take me back to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Are they pretty there? They were stunning. Yeah, so with my mom and my sister.

So, and the girls. You have to say that because they're here. Yeah, I know. Oh, come on. No, I'm joking. We had a great time. Yeah. We had so much fun.

Good. And it was just so special that it was, like there's something so magical about, like you'll find it with your sister when you watch your sister with your babies. There's something so magical in that isn't there like your mom when she's with the babies and you can sit back and actually go do you know what I'm not fucking parenting. Oh, it's down to you. Yeah, hands off. Yeah, okay, I can trust these people. But then I do I'm riddled with guilt when I take him away from

everybody. Yeah, that bit really fucking hurts. I. At least we live near each other at home though. Normally for me it's like, don't know when I'm going to see you next, bye. That's really fucking sad. Don't say it like that. When we say goodbye we like to have the next day in because otherwise it's just like... Just don't say goodbye, just say see you in a bit. See you in a bit. Sometimes it's like a couple of months. Wow. I know. And it's really horrible. That really tears your heart because then you feel so bad that

I've taken the baby away from Especially my like my biggest niece like that's her serotonin. Yeah, she lives for that baby Yeah, and when I take him away from each other, I'm like, yeah, so sad Like he's waiting for someone to pick him up and I'm like dude Biscuit and just wait there Sit on the floor be quiet. Don't make any noise. Where is everybody? Hello? It must be confusing for him because he's surrounded by loads of people and then suddenly there's no one.

And he just sort of ponders around a little bit like a lost sheep. Where is everybody? Why is no one paying me any attention? I know it's really sad but we had the best time. How was it? Because it was nice that you were there on his actual birthday. Yeah, his actual birthday. And you know what?

What was so lovely is we went for, so we went there from the Friday to the Sunday. So we left after school on the Friday and you can't, it's, we were saying this, wouldn't it? It's Monday to Friday or Friday to Monday. So we, because we had to get back for the, all the older ones to go to school and obviously Coles and Dots to go back to school. We, we left late on the, we left late on the Sunday. So we had a dinner booked on the Saturday and then we had breakfast booked on his morning of his breakfast.

Did you go to the pancake house? We did go to the pancake house. On the Saturday night, they bought him a tray, a whole board. I saw that. And they'd written happy birthday. He was so confused. Like, why is everyone singing to me? He just looked so confused. What did he think? Because Joseph, even though it's three. Loved it. He was literally like. Oh, he hates happy birthday to me? Just looked so confused. What did he think? Because Joseph, even though it's three. Oh, he hates happy birthday though.

Because you're not having a happy birthday. I loved it. And now every time you sing it to him, he's like, you know his big dirty, stinky baby. Now does the happy birthday. He does the twerk. The happy birthday twerk. Sing it to me, bitches.

You're like, you're not getting it anymore. No, and then we woke up on the Sunday, went to the pancake house, and they sung happy birthday to him with a little pancake. It was very emotional. I'm very in denial that he's won. I'm not accepting it. How are you on the actual day? Because I keep doing things like I'm really one of those people that I really annoy Stefan so much. I relive stuff and I like count days back I'll be like it's a whole week ago we were doing this you know. I know. I'll be like, you know when the clocks go back. I do that for ages. I do all the time. I know it's such an annoying trait because it's like that's such a pointless thing to bring up but I'll be like, I do that all the time. And I know it's such an annoying trait because it's such a pointless thing to bring up, but

I'll be like, you know, this time last week, and you may always come up on your phone. Like my memories were coming up when I was in hospital. Yeah, I kept saying to Chris, oh, this is last year. Yeah, I feel like that's such a girly thing to do because we reminisce and the boys are like, shut up. I know. And we were still I was still pregnant. So now I keep going in these dates leading up

to Sadie's first birthday, I keep going, oh, this time last year, it was 10 days to go. And Stefan's like, yep, 12th of March, yeah. Well done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just keep thinking about like, I don't know. I think as well where I was in the hospital, I keep thinking, kept thinking.

And like when I was walking around, because I took him for a walk on the Saturday morning. So the night after we arrived, so we arrived on the Friday late. and then the Saturday morning we woke up and I thought, oh, just the sun was up really early. So I thought I'm going to take a little stroll around and I was strolling around the park and I was like, isn't it mad? Like at this point on the Saturday, they told me you're having a baby today. But obviously didn't have him until early hours of the next day. So it's just really, and I'm just walking

around by myself like, last year, he was fast asleep. Yeah, obviously got no clue. But you're thinking like, like I'll be on the day I'll be walking through it going, Oh, God, yeah, got there. Yeah. Remember when Stefan went to Costa and had that cup of tea and that sausage roll without me because I was nil by mouth. And then about this time we went upstairs and then yeah, Stefan was still eating. Yeah, Stefan was still eating his cheese plowmans. I had to take a nap though. I could still have nothing.

He was tired, he had a little nap on the chair. I was still waiting to go in. I'll be doing all that on the day and he'll be like, shut up. I think it made it easier that we were all together and the day was very distracting. Like we had loads of activities to do and the weather was beautiful and he hadn't got a clue. No.

He didn't have a clue. I think he was just a bit like, well, I've got everybody here, all my favorite people are here. Yeah, he was't got a clue. No. He didn't have a clue. I think he was just a bit like, well, I've got everybody here. All my favorite people are here. Yeah, he was having a nice time. He was living his best life. I can't believe you can say you've got a one year old now. But the age gets easier now.

So when people ask you how old he is, you can just say one. Yeah. And then one and a half and then two. One, one and a half, then two. Nearly two. There's nothing in between. Nothing in between.

There's no months, days, years. It's not important. No, it's just, he's 43 months. Two days, six hours, and one minute. Yeah, two minutes. I do do that. Until Joseph was two, I was like, he's 23 months. Did you?

And people that haven't got kids are like, what does that mean? I don't know. He's nearly two. I don't think I was clever enough to do the- To work it out. Yeah, right. But it's like, it's- When people go to me, oh, they're 18 months, I'm like,

oh, so nearly three, two, yeah, they're nearly two. It's society that makes you do it, because cloves are in ages like 12 to 18, 18 to 24. But if you're out of like the thing of having kids, you're like, that means nothing to me. No. It's like a foreign language. It's just a very surreal thing. Yeah, it is.

And I think it's just that, we spoke about this, didn't we, just how fast it's gone. It's gone super- So super fast. We say that about everything, but it really has. This one has been a fly and whopper. This one's gone so fast. But no, we were really lucky. And do you know what? Because I haven't been to Centre Park since I was little. Like my mum and dad took us when we were children. Had it changed a lot, did you think? I can't really remember. But do you know what I thought was good is I know there's a stigma that people say that centre parks is expensive and I think the activities are, they are expensive aren't they when you're there and you've paid for it. But you know what something I found

when I was there, you don't actually really need to pay. You don't have to spend any money. You could have a really inexpensive holiday if you were to take some, there was just, I think I was more taken aback with how much there is actually to do. Like you can walk around the arcades, you can book the paddle ball or the tennis, I don't even know what it was, it's just that and balls. But there was things to do that were either free or an inexpensive gift, an inexpensive activity. Swimming pools obviously included. All we do when we're there is the pool and like the rapids. I just was blown away with that and I think I was a little bit like, unless we're paying for something, there's not going to really be much to do.

I just had the time of my life honestly. We walked about 45,000 steps. We got lost about 10 times. I've just hired bikes which I'm terrified for. You didn't do bikes last time. We did because I was heavily pregnant. I didn't cycle. I was going to say you didn't do bikes last time. We did, because I was heavily pregnant. I didn't cycle. I was going to say you definitely didn't cycle last time. No, I was on the land train like a lazy cow and Stefan was lugging Joseph up the hill on his bike on a trailer

because we stayed really far out last year and it's quite hilly, isn't it? Stefan was like schlepping around this thing and I'd like to see them on the land train and just wave at them as they go past. Hello. But obviously now I'm not pregnant. I'm getting a I'd like to see them on the land train. I'll just wave them as they go past. Hello. But obviously now I'm not pregnant. I'm getting a bike this year and we're getting the trailer.

Obviously I'll nominate Stefan to pull the trailer. It's going to have two kids in it this year. So I'll be like, good luck with that. I'll be whizzing ahead on my bike. And the rapids I can go on this year, which I'm buzzing about because I couldn't go when I was pregnant. I can do it this time because I was on my period. I know.

How savage. And then because Dots is not the strongest of swimmers even though she swims but it's not the strongest. The child to adult ratio was too off. Are there rules? We couldn't even put well I just worry about Dots being safe. Even me I don't know if there is rules that I would say that there probably is for legal reasons. But I couldn't just leave Chris with all three children in the pool. But Colby had the time of his life. He had my sister's phone. He was filming himself going down the flumes. He was living his best life. I think my sister

spent the whole weekend just laughing at Colby. They went to do some laser combat and Colby just kept forfeiting himself like, back me auntie, I'm going in. And he just kept sacrificing his own points on his little badge. My sister kept it. Every time we come out of something, my sister was like, Colby's killing me in there. But they all had a great time. And I just think it's so nice because there's just, it's not like anybody feels left out. We did the quiz. Did you do the quiz? No. We did the big family quiz on the first night. When? What? When? On the Friday when we arrived. When? Where? How? In the sports, the sports complex. There's a quiz. I love a quiz. There is a quiz. I would say we took it very competitively. Yeah, I would

as well. I nearly started throwing wine glasses because I was getting angry that our name didn't come on the board. Fighting people. Yeah, I was ready to fight some people. But we got our name on the board. You got your name on the board when you were the quickest responder. Oh, wow. And I was so under pressure. I was literally like, back! Because the letters were all over the place. It got a little bit heated. It was an active walk there, very quiet on the

way back. Yes. But no, we had the time of our lives. I just can't believe it's over. I want to just do it all over again. You can live vicariously through me next week. I'm booking for Christmas now. Yeah, Christmas Day. I really want to be there. You can't be there on Christmas Day. Honestly, I'm so excited. I haven't booked it yet, but there's potential, aren't there? Potentials. But yeah, how was your week? Yeah, good. Well, we're gearing up for obviously centre parks, as

we've mentioned. Because you're away for our girl. good. Well, we're gearing up for obviously centre parks, as we've mentioned. Because you're away for our girl. Yeah, well, we're going to do centre parks and then we're going to the in-laws in Wales for, say, this actual birthday. But you'll be celebrating while you're at Sunnypeace. Yeah, we'll be celebrating. There's loads of other families and kids that we know going. So that'll be really nice.

I'm just hoping I can get Joseph over his fear of water. When we went last year and he was two, he was a little bit scared of the pool. And we were like, this time next year it's gonna be great. You can't go in the rapids with Jojo. Won't be able to throw him down the rapids. Because he's got to be out of swim. He's got to be able to swim and he's only three. I did think oh maybe I'll just get him over his fear and just chuck him down there. I'm sure I used to go down when I was little. I don't think you can do that. I would say that maybe red flag. Child cruelty. Don't do that to your children.

But I don't know what the best approach is because he's really really really scared of water and even like getting his hair wet in the bath. Child cruelty that one. Don't do that to your children. But I don't know what the best approach is because he's really, really, really scared of water and even like getting his hair wet in the bath. You're taking him swimming at the moment, aren't you? Taking him swimming at the moment. But to be honest, like... Oh, he's just scared in the bath. Even... No, he's fine in the bath as long as you don't get his hair wet, which obviously I do need to wash his hair.

Of course. So every night he says to me, is it a hair washing day today? And I'm like, yeah. But he doesn't like having the water over his head. And I said to him the other day, why are you scared of... Maybe getting one of those little caps? Yeah, but also he needs to get used to it. And I'm really torn between what's the right approach? Do you drown him? Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey or drown him?

Like which one? I would go slowly, slowly, catchy monkey. But that's not really paying off. Okay. And it's, yeah. But the dummy, we went whole hog on the dummy. We went whole turkey on the dummy and that went quite well. Not first of all, did it? Well, no. Obviously we had to backtrack from that a little bit. I would say Jojo, yeah, we had

to backtrack back the fuck up, sister. No, but since I would say I single-handedly did it when he was three, it's gone really well. I'll give you credit to that, but I just think Jojo's maybe a little bit of a slow burner. But he's so sensitive and I just think like, if I keep going like, oh, don't worry, you don't have to do it he's never gonna do anything. So not down the gentle parenting route for you. I've been trying it for a year and I think I'm just gonna have to tip a bucket of water over his head. No okay. Okay silence in the room there. I don't know. I don't know what to do like even the baby pool with like the splash pads and stuff. Have you tried the shower head? Yeah.

We went for it with Colby and he just liked to play with the shower head. So then we do like our body and work our way up. And then he quite enjoyed that. He will play with the shower when it's on, but again, doesn't like it anywhere near his eyes or his head. Yeah. I would go with a little cat for him. He's a tricky one. He doesn't really, he doesn't like doing anything kind of. The first ones are the sensitive ones. Colb's really sensitive, whereas Dots is... Sadie's given Dotty energy. Zero fucks. Like she's given me, she's a live wire.

I'm a mean, lean girl machine. Yeah, don't mess with me. I feel like she's going to be alright. Jojo, we've got to work on him a little bit. Go slowly on him. Yeah, I'm hoping that he'll... I mean, obviously, all that stuff was a joke. Obviously we're like, in your own time, gentle, gentle. But me and Stefan are like, we would have found this so fun when we were little and all he sees is like fear and terror. And I'm like, I want him-

But you were also third baby. Third babies, yeah. And Stefan was- Third baby as well. Oh, he's the baby of his family. Yeah. So we were fucking wild when we were children. Had no choice really. Still am. Like they'd be like, get in there with your sisters and enjoy it.

Yeah, exactly. And these fuckers used to frame me in first. Roxanne and Richie used to go, oh, you fucking send Safina in, she'll do it. And then they used to go, oh, she hasn't died. We'll do it. Oh yeah. My dad used to like frame your head first into the waves. We loved it.

I'd seen a fucking Paddington on a stage for my sister to win a rucksack and she went, you go out first. Bag it, troubles in your old kit bag. And then there was my sister like, oh no one's booing her. Oh I'll go on now. Everyone should throw me in first. Had no choice. But I think with Joseph like we may have left it a little bit too late.

I think the horse might have bolted with the fear of water. So yeah, I'm just hoping he gets over that. With Sadie we've had a momentous week. What? Two huge milestones. No more formula. Because we ran out of a tin and I was like, I'm not going to buy another one. So you've done a meat too,

because I had to quit the week before. Yeah, we've done. We've gone on to the whole milk. Yeah, she loves it. Yeah, she loves it. I mean, she loved the formula as well, to be fair. But it means we can get rid of the perfect prep, which is like such a final thing.

Ozz has gone. Has it? It's still on the kitchen worktop, even though we're not using it, because I can't actually face like... You need to put yours in the loft though because you've got number three coming. She's not pregnant, it's not pregnancy video but she's... Oh yeah sorry, forgot to tell you that. Oh yeah by the way and also I sold the double buggy. Oh you did, I saw that on your Instagram. Yeah which I'm actually like so relieved to have it out of my life. Put them on a board?

Yeah, we haven't used it for ages. We've just had it there just in case. But they grew out of it quite a while ago. But I've just been like- Your double buggy was narrow though. It was really narrow. And Joseph grew out of it pretty great. He was like this with his arms squeezed into it.

And when you had the little carry cot and so did you. Oh, she sleeps so good, doesn't she? Yeah, because she can't fucking move. She basically fit in that for about four weeks. But we sold it to a really nice couple who came around and they had their little four month old little boy, Louis, with them. Isn't it lovely when it goes to someone? And I was just like, I'm so happy that you're going to like, because we bought the bassinet

second hand as well, but the buggy knew. And I was like, I'm so glad this is going on to like a nice home. And I was like, and then you'll have it for a few months because they're not in it for long. And I was like, and then you can sell it to someone else. And I was just, I was really happy to see it go to them and happy to have it finally not taking up space in my boot because that's where we've been storing it. It's been the bane of my fucking life.

That's like my do now. I passed it on to a lady who's up the school, a mum up the school and now I see the pram and now her baby's in it. And it's, I don't know what it is. I don't think you can explain it to somebody. It is really nice. It just feels really wholesome and like full circle. It's like when Roxanne watched me use the girl stuff for dots. Yeah. Like it's that whole reuse. Yeah. Recycle, recycle, recycle. So yeah, but that felt quite momentous because that's finally gone out of my life. Yeah. And next to go is the perfect prep. And then your tits. And then the boob. And then the boob. Yeah. How's she doing with that?

Yeah fine. I can't see myself giving it up anytime soon. She's still quite reliant on it. You've done a lot though to... A year. Well no, well yeah that's bloody momentous in itself. My sister sent me something the other day saying breastfeeding for a year is the equivalent of running 77 marathons in terms of the calories you burn. I was like that can't be right. You've run 77 marathons. Yeah. Holy shit. It's been my excuse to be in such a lazy bitch.

But I think, one, it's momentous to go that far, but two, you've done a lot in the sense of like the rooms and having Jojo, who is, let's be honest, is really still really little. And so much has changed in the whole year for you. Like it's been a huge year. It really has. And I just think go steady on yourself.

Yeah. I think that's why I wanna hold on to the- Go slow, slow, catchy monkey. Yeah, slow, slow, catchy monkey on me. I do think that's why I wanna keep feeding for a bit longer because everything else has gone so quick and changed so much. But that's the one thing that I can still keep doing.

Yeah, go steady on yourself. I'll stick with that for a bit. What a week it's been for us. Massive. Holy fuck balls. I know. Can't wait for next week though. I know. It's your turn for the one. Hope you cry. In a nice way. I won't. You're not really

a cry person. I won't. I never do. I cried. I sobbed when I picked the cake up. Oh she did. I cried at the woman when I picked the cake up. Was she like, are you okay? She was just like, oh don't cry. She was like, do you hate it? No. She was like, oh don't cry. Are you okay? I was like, dad, I don't want to drop this. I turned to my dad to go and get the cake. It was an amazing cake to be fair. It would bring me to tears. Whoa, it was absolutely, everything was perfect. Like the balloons were perfect.

The cake was perfect. It was just, my sister done a lovely memory board for it. It was just too much. It was all too much. But there you go. We're off to Sanny P's for Christmas. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello. You can

find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mum Pod or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. Like parties? Ever thought what your perfect party would involve? To theme or not to theme? Are kids banned or are they only allowed to come if they dress like tiny butlers? Are you serving food or do you hate your guests? Then join me, Catherine Beauxhart, as I sit down with some very special guests to discuss their dream do in brand new podcast It's My Party, all to celebrate Comic Relief's 40th birthday. No need to RSVP, it's an open invite. Just look for It's My Party on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts or wherever you choose to listen.

Right, it's time. Are you ready for another? Correspondence corner! Kills me every time when I look at Zoffia's hand, she's like, it's fucking coming! Get that one! Get that faded out. All right, right, are you ready? Yeah, this one says, hi ladies, I have such a weak stomach that even the thought of the nose-freeder used to make me wreck.

Yeah, the snot sucker. But when my baby got sick over the winter, I bought it without hesitation. I'd do anything to help him feel better. The first time I used it though, I ended up throwing up in the kitchen sink. Oh fuck, did she not put the sponge in? So you can imagine my absolute horror when Soph mentioned that she and her brother-in-law used to suck the snot out of noses. Right, back the hell up.

I'm not snucking Chuck in any well. James is straight up sucking snot out of the nose. Not me, I'm not straight up sucking that out. You've been caught up in this line. James sucks it out. That's too much. I'm sorry, carry on. I just have to clarify that.

So I should change that too, when Soph mentioned that her brother-in-law used to suck the snot out of noses without the device. I just so happened to be out on a walk when I heard it. I started dry heaving in the middle of the street. Oh, I'm so sorry. Then laughing at myself for how ridiculous I must have looked. I thought she was going to say she was sick. At least she wasn't sick. She says, thank you for keeping me sane, navigating motherhood to my own little RJR. Same as Renly. My baby boy is called Reggie James and is a foster care to three beautiful siblings.

What a woman! Laura in Burnley. Oh Laura, we got our own RJRs and he's a Reggie James. A Reggie James, Rennie James. That's really close, isn't it? That is really close. Oh, can you imagine just listening in your head, but... Thanks for making me dry heav.

I think we should have a trigger warning on that in future because it is disgusting talkingusting and talking about this the snot sucking without the nose if you don't like poo This is not the pod for you. If you don't like snot and poo, not the pod for you I am it wasn't me that was sucking the snot straight out James I love how people have like misinterpreted that to think it was you as well. It wasn't me sucking no noses I don't think I've ever sucked a nose in my life. No, no, no, I don't think so I don't think I've ever sucked a nose in my life. No. No. Would you? No, I don't think so. I don't think I can take that in my mouth. No.

I heave at Dotty picking her nose and then slipping the bogey in. I'm like, why do children do that? I don't know. What do you say to them about that? Do you tell them anything or just let them do it? I just say all the poo particles of dogs, animals, everything, all the germs and everything. You've inhaled that up your nose and now you're eating that 10 million thousand bugs, germs, feces, particles into your mouth. She does it two seconds later. But then what's the alternative? They're going to roll it on the floor or wipe it on the sofa?

I don't care, wipe it on my arm. I'll wear the bogey just so you don't eat the bogey. Don't eat the bogey. It's a lot of germs in that booger. The whole reason they're there is to take the germs so they're not in your head or your brain. Stop the bogey eating. She says, but is my brain falling out? I'll just re-eat it. Fun fact, that's what my brother told me when I was growing up. Good logic. I used to eat my bogeys. There I said it. Okay. We've all done it. Would I do it now? Absolutely not. But thank you Laura. What a woman. Fostering four, three children as well as siblings. And our own baby. What a woman. So you can

get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we have probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Right, here's my secret of a week. Of a week. Of a week. Of a week. Hell of a week. Hell of a week.

Right, this one's really bad. Oh no. I actually cried. Shock. Yesterday, there was another secret I was going to share, but this one is so fucking huge that I have to share it. Okay. Colby come out of school yesterday, crying.

And you know, like he's at that age where you can see that he's been crying and he was crying, sad. And he come out and he's like, and he was trying to do like, you can see his little lip was quivering. And I was like, and I try not to make a big deal about it because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable in front of his friends because obviously he's trying to hold it back. So he come out and I was like, oh, is everything okay? And he was just like, yeah, yeah, I think so. And I was like, oh, okay. We had a catch up with his teacher because we missed parents evening because I was up here. So we missed the, actually it wasn't, it was Toby Carver and I was late on the train, the train. So I missed the parents evening. So the teacher was kind

to offer us a catch up after school. So I said to him, let's walk around. He said, I need to tell you something. Oh, nothing put the willies up me like that. Fear of God. I think that's up there was being as bad as when the teacher says, can I have a word? And you're like, or they goes, Colby's mum here. Yeah. She left. I'm sorry. Yeah, so we walk around the corner and he's like, mum, the boy in front of me called me a horrible name. And I was like, and this is like, there's been times where dotsies maybe said, oh, there's

this girl at school that's being unkind to me. Colby, I don't think has ever said it to me. I don't think he's ever said to me, someone has said something mean to me. So I feel like I've been preparing myself, but I don't feel like I was fully prepared for this. But also when he said something then you know it's bad because it's never happened before. No, no. So I was just like, oh gosh. And I was like, okay then I was like, do you want to tell me before we go in or do you want me to wait until I've spoken to your teacher? Well then that he was absolutely broken hearted. And I was like, I don't know, I need you to calm down and either tell me or let's

calm down and we can go in to see a teacher. Like I was trying to just see what I could do to calm him down. And he was like, a child called me. Are you ready for this? It's going to make you want to punch something. A fat, ugly rat. Oh, obviously, what did I do? What? Tried my, I'm even shaking now, thought that I tried my best not to cry, but I could feel my eyes welling up because he was utterly, utterly heartbroken.

And in that moment, I didn't actually know what to do. So I was riddled with anger. And what's annoying is I always look when the children coming out, I always look at the children that coming out and I don't know why I didn't look I think because I'd instantly seen he was crying. Yeah, I kind of shut shut everything off around him. And I said, Who was it said the child's name and he's like, it was the boy that was walking out in front of me. So I was like, obviously run back around into the playground to see if I could see him walking. And I was like, point him out to me, tell me who he is.

So that I could obviously- Go and knock him out. No, sorry. That was my first thought. But I was like, oh, then I can tell kind of the teacher sort of thing. He was honestly beside himself. When I went in to tell the teacher, I was like, oh,

I kind of maybe expected her to be, you know, I was in my mum mode. so I kind of expected her to be like, Oh my gosh, Colby, you're crying, is everything okay? And I was like, Oh, nothing was kind of said. And she was just like, Oh, is everything okay? Do you have anything you want to talk about before we get into the parents, into the chat? Like they always do, they just offer your concerns before, or if you've got anything on your mind. I was like, oh, just something that's kind of just happened is Colby's a bit upset. And she went, oh, I did see he was crying. Oh, did you do anything about it?

I kind of maybe thought and probably really naively of me and please, I hope no one takes this in the wrong way. If you're a teacher or anything like that, I think because I had such a wonderful relationship with Colby's teacher last year. Even now, she's just like the sweetest, sweetest woman. And she kind of just went, oh yeah, I did see him was crying and I maybe expected to be like, oh my gosh, are you okay? Is something happened? I think in like mum mode, teacher mode, I kind of maybe expect that. And that's probably really wrong of me to expect that. And I was like, oh, a child just called him some names. And she was like, oh, what did they say? And who was it? And I was kind of like, Oh, put him a fat ugly rat. And this is the child. And she

went, Oh, okay. Well, I'll note that anyway, moving on. Oh, I was like, this is sorry. This is you. Am I going to get, am I going to get some correspondence? Are we, are we going to talk about it? Are we going to raise it with the... And I think because I haven't been through it, I don't know. I've been through bullying at school and I don't, you know, I'm not classing this as, well, I am classing it as bullying. I don't think it's a name call regardless. And obviously, I'm fully aware that we don't know the situation of the child at home life. I get that. But I don't know the procedure. Are we going to talk to the child? Are we going to make sure Colby's okay? They're in the same class. Are we going to keep them

away from each other? Like, are we going to ask Colby if he said something to, like, I don't know. And it was kind of just dusted over and I kind of walked out of school. Like, and then obviously today I've come up here and Colby don't want to go to school. And it's the first time that I've really gone through it that I'm just like, I don't know what to do. What to do? That is harsh. That is harsh.

We don't ever, ever, ever, I'm a massive, massive preacher of you do not say words to nobody because you can never under any circumstances ever take those words back. Once it's said, then words cut people deeply. And I massively talk to the children about this, that we don't call anybody a fucking horrible name. We also don't talk about the fact that, oh you know Emma, the one that wears the glasses. I personally don't think that's an okay way to describe somebody. I think you should talk about somebody, you know Emma with the brown hair, she had that black top on when we saw her, or explain

the area that you were in. We don't talk about people's religion or anything like that. The skin, people's skin color, it's just not something we do. We don't say, oh, you know, the black girl, that's just not, I don't agree with that at all. So to me, because we talk so strongly about that at home, fat ugly rat, that is some really, really harsh fucking words. And it's made me so cross. Where did it even come from? I just said to Colby when did it happen? He said it was an MPE we were paired up together and I said how did we get to this point and he just said mum he was really really angry I was trying to do the game with him

but he was getting really cross so I kind of just started doing it just on my own and playing on my own. And he said, I don't know what context he was saying it in, but he just said it to me and I just didn't know what to do. And I said, what did you do? Did you walk away? Did you tell the teacher? And he was like, I told no one. I just burst into tears and I was like, fuck, fuck, mate, that's even worse.

Now he stood in the middle of PE. He's been called this horrible name, he's crying and I said what did the boy do and he just said he just ran off laughing. And no teachers helping you, like you're just on your own. Oh it's so heartbreaking. This is fucking shit, this is fucking shit and then now I'm in this predicament like and I'm saying to him like I would say to my 16 nearly 16 year old niece like this is a reflection on them This isn't anything on you There's no truth in it see that no, I know maybe now Eden will see that that's what I'm saying It's still she won't believe it at 16 She's just like some girls being horrible to me and I don't know why and it doesn't matter how much we say to her

It's a reflection on them. They don't believe that shit. When she's 26, she'll look at me and go, do you know what auntie, you were fucking right then, but right now this fucking hurts. So now I'm trying to explain to him who's eight, nearly nine, it's a reflection on them darling, it's because they're hurting inside, people that say mean things. And like you just got my child that just turns around and says, I don't know why somebody would say something so mean because that really hurt me. And it's just, what do you do? I'm not saying he's insane

and I'm not saying he's innocent in this party. He may have said something. No, but you're right, there's no excuse for that. But also if the teachers like to you like, oh, okay, we'll note that and that's it, like no further action. If they say that to a parent, like I think they're gonna be even more dismissive

to a child. I just think I'm a bit offended. If a child comes up and goes, oh, they called me this name, teacher's gonna go, yeah, right, like crack on with PE. Do you know what I mean? I just don't think. I just think it was just really... I just don't think that they'll take it seriously. Call him slow. Yeah, if he's running slow and you want to go, you're running slow. To me, that's child, that's child. It's not banter, is it? Because it's not funny. But to turn

around and say, you're a fat ugly rat. And I always think I'm a true believer, right? That we're taught things. We're taught things like bad things in the world. You don't just get born into having an opinion on someone's relationship, religion, sexual preferences. We're taught this by a grown up. We're not just born and know these things.

So this is what he's hearing. At home. Yeah. Where's he got that from? I feel like I'm being a really judgy mom and I really don't want to come across that way. But when it's your child, it's hard. But I just feel like I just don't know and I'm not saying we should all parent the same, but them words just seem really harsh at eight years old,

like really horrible. And people might be like, oh, it's just same calling kids do it. But now you've got a child that doesn't want to go into school, like that makes stress for you at home. Now we've got two at home, which I've spent so many years trying to get Colby into this because we have had an emotional journey

with Colby going to school. Now to be in this predicament. And he was loving it. He was loving it. And the teacher even noticed, the teacher even said, and I was just like, I don't know what's going on because now we've had two weeks where Colby don't want to be here. So I was like, is it leading up to this point has the child, and I said to Colby, has the

child said stuff before? And he says, oh, yeah, he said them, but I don't really remember what he said. And it's kind of like, how long has it been going on? And I don't know if Colby can navigate in his head that the child's being mean. Do you know what I mean? If the child's... Because it's probably like something that happens in the playground. Like they probably all say stuff to each other.

Yeah, they probably dismiss it. But then suddenly one kid takes it too far and then suddenly you've got a boy that doesn't want to go into school anymore. Is he recognizing that that's an unkind thing to do is to say that, you know, what if he's called him slow before and he just doesn't, he just says, oh, you know, he can't be slow. Yeah, just answer like, wasn't bothered by it. But then suddenly he says something like that.

He come out and said, he said really mean words. So when I was trying to get out of him, he was like, Oh, he said some really mean words. And I was like, Oh, okay. Do you want to say them? And I said, they naughty words. Can you say them? And he was like, one of them is naughty. So I instantly went like, fuck shit.

It's not a swear word though. Did he think which one? But to him, fat is a really like, fuck shit. It's not a swear word though, did you think, which one? But to him, fat is a really bad word. That's the one he thought was bad. We don't use the word fat. That's not something that we use. It's not something I like to use around the children. Yeah, I say to myself, got a little bit of fat here.

I'd never say that in this mirror to myself in front of the children. I don't, I'll say to my sister, fuck my house looks fat in this. You wouldn't say it in front of them though, yeah. Me and Roxanne are both the same. but don't use them words around the children because it's just so damaging. And he was like, he said the word, he called me fat and that's a really bad word. And I was like, okay. And he said, oh, he called me a fat ugly rat. And you know, when you're just like, fuck man, fuck, that's fucking horrible. It's hard because what are you supposed to do?

I don't even know what I meant to fucking do. Because also like... I wanted to say to the mum like, and it wasn't that in that moment I wanted to look at her and go, what did your fucking child say to my child? I just wanted to be like, oh is everything okay? Because I think you're, I don't know if the boys have had a little bit of a disagreement but Colby's a little bit, because that's how I would address it. If it was me and Roxanne...

Could you go direct to the other parent? Because it sounds like the school aren't bothered. I would do it because I would address it. If it was me and Roxanne. Could you go direct to the other parent? Because it sounds like the school aren't bothered. I would do it amicably. If it was Eveli and Colby, we always try and deal with the situation amicably. We never ever say, right, Eveli, you're in the wrong, apologize. Colby, you're in the wrong, apologize. We're like, right, tell us what's happened. And we navigate from there. And I just would like to have said, like, is everything okay? I don't know whether Colby's maybe upset. And I'm always the first to say, is Colby upset them? Or has Colby said something mean? Or is something going on that we've not seen?

Or can we talk about it? But I don't, you know, I don't know if you're allowed to do that or if that's- You can do what you want. You're an adult. I just was very, very cross. My instinct was to just cry. Cause I felt it for him.

I felt like it was- It's hard when you see them upset I'm really not looking forward to this age you know it's hard when they're at school schools are people always say to me I think toddlers are hard wait till they go to school wait till they're teenagers don't say because that's just scaremongering isn't it but it's not that it's harder it's just like a whole new level and a new the new stage's weird. It's a weird process to go through because I think what you don't get is like you raise your child and like my mum would sit here and tell you like me and Roxanne's parents were two very different people. We parent both very

differently. I mean, you have to look at the children and go, well, they're so feelings liking kids and they're Roxanne's kids. Roxanne's had sat down at the table nicely, mine is hanging from the chandelier, but we're both two very different people. So it is hard. I know everybody parents differently and you've got to now throw your child into a school where you've got 30 children with 60 different sets of parents and then you add non-grandparents in the top of that. So every child is completely individual and has been parented completely differently but you now have to contend with How somebody else parents? Yeah, they behave what they think is acceptable. It's such a

It's a whole dude. It's such a roll of the dice, isn't it? You just never know what's gonna happen when you send them to school every day It's wild and I never want to I'm never ever gonna be that person that ever criticizes or judges anybody How we all do it? We're all just doing our fucking best to get through this. It just is really sad. Like this situation now is really sad. It's hard to know what type of mom you want to be as well. Cause like my mom would always be like, she would never really side with us. She'd be like, well, you know, something must have happened or like, you know, even if we were like, oh, we're ill and we don't

want to go to school today. She'd be like, she wouldn't basically believe us. She'd be like, no, you're right. Like, in you go, in you go. But that's our mum's though. I feel like that's the generation of our mum. Because she didn't want to be the mum at the school that was like, excuse me, because no one wants to be seen as like. I don't know. I feel like my mum was a bit of the both mums. If I was sick, she'd go, get your whole fucking dress.

Or we'd go to the doctor's and she'd say, you run around in her now. You act sick. Even if you're not. But then there was times when if I'd say to mum, like someone's called me fat, my mum would storm up that school and say, get the fucking girl here now, get her to say it to my face. And I'd like, don't fuck with me mum.

She's, but yeah. Some people like don't want to be seen as a nuisance or they don't want to be the boy who cried wolf or they want to be taken seriously. I'm always the mum that will throw mine like, and when Colby says or Dotsie would say, oh the child, and I go over and I'm like, I'm really sorry, I think my child hurt you. And then they go, no, no, no. Or the ones that go, yeah, she has. And then I'm like, actually,

no, I was trying to be nice. Yeah, I was trying to be nice and now you've escalated it. So let's take this outside bitch. It's a hard game, isn't it? Yeah, it's hard to know what to do. It's a hard balance, isn't it? Keep you posted on that one. Yeah. See how it goes. Yeah, let's hard to know what to do. It's a hard balance, isn't it? Keep your posted on that one. Yeah. See how it goes. Yeah, let us know. So that is my secret of the week and we're going to be sharing some of yours after this short break.

We've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, hopefully they're a little bit better than mine this week, but take it away. All right. This one says, hey Sophan Emma. Hey, hey. I have an itchy leg seat. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Emma will love this one. Once my partner and I established the kids were sound asleep, we agreed it was safe for some itchy leg time.

During the moment, I thought I heard a thud, but thinking nothing of it, we carried on. As we finished, I opened my eyes and to my horror up, my son was standing at my bedside staring at me. Oh, fuck. Shit. I tapped my partner who was horrified and he asked our boy what was wrong. My son then handed me a tube of deep heat and said, here you go mummy. This is for your back pain. Absolutely mortified, I took the tube, thanked him and he pitter-pattered back to bed. Oh, I didn't know whether to

laugh or cry or be thankful that even in his half asleep state he thought his mom was in pain. Love you both from E. E, that is actually quite sweet. What an adorable little boy. But also I worry that he is scarred from the experience. How much did he see? I don't think he has. I don't think he would have offered a deep heat if he was, I think he would have just been like, I don't know. There's no deep heat that's going to help this mum. Shall I call the doctor? In fact, deep heat is going to make things a lot worse. Don't put deep heat on any naked areas.

Nothing down there. Do not recommend. Oh, God bless his little heart. Oh, he's looking out for his mum. I hope they've, have they had itchy legs since? I hope it hasn't been that traumatic. I think I'd be scarred for life. The poor boy though.

I do wonder, because I have, some of my friends recall seeing their parents. I think we'd be scarred for life. The poor boy though. I do wonder because I have some of my friends recall seeing their parents. Record? We record ourselves having itchy legs so we don't have to do it. We just watch it. They recall seeing their parents doing it when they were little. Like walking into their rooms by accident. I'm glad my mum's in the room and yours aren't. Yeah, I never have.

So fucking awkward isn't it? I never have but. My mum and dad have never done it. They came from a stalk obviously. No, no, no. Three, three, well. Three from a stalk. Well well three from a store for the first time and then two for you yeah very sweet that's so maybe slightly traumatizing for your son love that one that's an adorable one right she would take it away with number

two right this one says hi Soph and Emma I wanted to write in because I could really use some advice oh my husband and I met at school when we were 15 oh I love these and I've been together since. I've always wanted kids. My mom had me at 19, so I always imagined being a young mom too. But my husband wanted to wait until we were a bit older and honestly, I'm so glad we did. But now at 27, we finally feel ready to start trying.

While I'm so excited for this next chapter, I'm also terrified. I have a huge fear of needles and the thought of all the blood tests, injections, and potentially an epidural is really freaking me out. And then there's after the birth, as wonderful as it is the thought of looking after a newborn feels a little overwhelming. There's so much focus on pregnancy and labor but I feel like the reality of those first few weeks with a baby isn't talked about as

much. What should I expect and what helps you both in those early days? Thanks so much Nicole. This is adorable, thank you Nicole. There is a lot in there. Right with regards to the needles I'm not really a needly person. No, but I think something takes over in your mind that yeah, it doesn't feel nice I'm not gonna sit here and say glamorize it and say it's great But I feel like you find this in a power to just be like I've got a fucking do it Yeah, there's no other option to the point of that you have to do it. So I think because when you fall pregnant, that overtakes you,

you know that you have to have those things done. And I just think that all goes out the window. Would you agree? Yeah, I mean, I don't- I mean, you don't lose the fear. I don't mind needles. I like actually like watching them go in. Absolutely not.

And that's my fetish. How about yours? Are you okay looking? And I'm like, yeah, I'm quite interested. I just used to put my arm out and look the other way. Just keep, and I just said to the nurses, just keep talking to me. If you can keep talking to me,

I don't want to tell you when you're putting it in. Don't tell me sharp scratch. I don't need to know that. They always say that, don't they? Sharp scratch. But if I recall rightly, you don't actually have to have that many blood tests done. I had loads with Colby and Renly, but nothing really with Dot. No. Only because you had like extra complications. I think if it's a straightforward pregnancy,

you don't actually have to have that many blood tests. I don't think so. And an epidural, I would say politely, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Again, don't worry about that. You might not need it. Yes, I would say the same. If you do need it, don't worry because I guarantee in that moment, you'll probably be thankful for the pain relief. You're not really focusing on the needle. And I think your whole, what's that word? The adrenaline takes over and you're actually so exhausted and tired that you're just literally like, at this point, just do anything.

There's so much other stuff going on. It's like internal examinations. Initially you think oh that's not going to be pleasant and by the end of it you really don't care. I think you get to the point don't you at the start you're like god I don't want anyone to see my fufu then you're literally naked, legs are kimbo, every Tom Dick and Harry is coming through having a feel. Every Tom Dick and Harry is walking in the room and you're like oh just get this baby on the move. Yeah there are bigger things at play in that moment, I would say.

But also, I think it's really valid to have these feelings before. I think it's what I think. It's probably really common. But I don't think like don't fear monger yourself about birth. Like you might have a totally natural birth in the water where you don't need any pain relief. You never know. And you just don't know what a super, super woman you are. And I truly, truly need to give yourself some credit that women are fucking phenomenal.

Yeah, you can do it. You're meant to do it. Yes. It's all going to be fine. And I think it's very natural for when you go home with the baby and you take that car seat out of the car, you walk into the door, you put the baby in the car seat in the middle of the lounge. I think everybody is at that pinnacle moment gone, what the fuck do we do now? Do I take it to

the toilet? Do I take him to the kitchen with me? Do I take her? And you just sit there, don't you? Just in absolute baffled. And this is what I think that we were saying on that other episode of the podcast is nobody talks about like that after bit that we have to do to one go home and look after yourself, but also have to go home and look after a baby with no information. There's no manual. It's not that they just let you out of hospital with a baby and they're like, off you go then. You can't go wrong with a hug. And my advice would be to just jump into the moment.

Don't worry if you can't get a shower. No one gives a shit. Don't worry if you don't want no one around. Tell them, I don't want you to fucking come round. If you have to dive yourself into that newborn baby and you don't shower for three weeks, don't worry about it. And I think if you can, if I can give anybody any advice, which I didn't maybe have so much with Colby, is if you need help, ask for it. But if you want to sit there and hug that baby 24 hours a day, and that's all you want to do, you do that. Don't listen to other people's input. You can't spoil a baby. Hold them all the time, feed them, don't expect much sleep, obviously. If you can get them down and make yourself

a cup of tea, great. But if you can't ring someone to bring you a cup of tea, and honestly exhaust every resource that you have. If you've got people around to help, use them. Yeah, definitely use them. And hopefully your partner will have a little bit of paternity leave. It is called paternity. So hopefully they'll have some paternity leave. So even if it's a week after you have the baby, find that you. If you want to just sit and hug, send him off for a cup of tea. Send him off for all your snacks. Use and abuse every resource. And I think same with the before falling pregnant. Try not to think about it too much. And I don't equally want to sit here and go, oh, you're a mum, it just comes to you naturally. Because that's a really shitty comment to make. Because it

doesn't just come naturally to people. Some people don't just get that urge to just instantly flick into mum. It does take some time. And that's normal. It's very, very normal. I would say for the newborn bit as well, just don't set any expectations. Don't be like, I want to be out for a walk by day two, I want to be doing this by a week. Take every day as it comes. Yeah, just honestly just do what you feel is right. Yeah, I think so. Enjoy it as much as you physically can. Take every day as it comes. Try not to over think about it. Like I even would say don't set a birth plan. I think the safest way for you and the baby to come, to go through the processes because nothing.

They never go to plan. I think sometimes we put so much expectation on having the perfect birth that we beat ourselves up when we don't have it. Yeah. So I think if you don't set any expectations, enjoy the baby making process because that's, you know, that's fun. Yeah, that's the fun bit. That's the bit you meant to just let yourself go and enjoy each other before you have the baby.

And the pregnancy bit, I think the exciting bit of growing the baby will overweigh. The fear of needles. Yeah, like when the kicks start to come in, there's so many magical things that you'll go through that it really does deter your brain from that bit. Yeah. Yeah. And then hopefully when the baby comes,

you'll just be enjoying a little baby bubble. Yeah. But enjoy it. Thank you for messing with us. I don't know if that was any good advice. Basically our plan is don't have a plan for anything. The plan is, it's like the rules of Fight Club. No one talks about Fight Club.

Just you have no plan. The plan is to have no plan. And please do keep us posted. We'd love to know. Not when you're actually having sex. No, we'd like to know that as well. Oh, Emma, she'd like to know. Right, let's roll into our last secret. All right. This one says, Hey, Sophie and Emma, I was listening to Emma's story about helping Sadie along with her bowel movements, giggling away to myself because I've had to do the same for my baby daughters on occasion. Karma came at me full force though when I was at work.

I needed a poo, so I thought I'd nipped to the toilet quickly or so I thought. My shit got stuck. Oh Jesus. Full on wedged. After about 10 minutes of squirming I had to give myself a hand unclogging the exit hoping nobody would notice I'd been gone for ages or returned with an exceptionally red face from forceful pushing or poo up your fingernail. Wow. I hope this gives you a laugh. I never want this to happen again, honestly. Do you want one of these? Who is this?

It's anonymous. Oh, I saw it. We'll send you one of these in the post, all right? They say I had more anxiety trying to get my shit out than I did giving birth to my two kids. Wow. Lots of love. Them...

I thought she went ahead and hung her hand withclogging the exit, meaning the toilet, but she meant her bumhole. She meant her bumhole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we know, we were saying how we've had to do that to help babies out on occasion because they're not always good at like getting the poo out by themselves, especially when they're a bit constipated. Never had to do it on myself though.

No, I don't know. I've struggled a couple of times. I've struggled. I was heavily, heavily, heavily constipated with dot. Fuck me. The amount of times I thought I was't know. I've struggled a couple of times. I struggled heavily, heavily, heavily constipated with DOT. Fuck me. The amount of times I thought was in labor because I couldn't get the poo out. I drank half a bottle of bloody laxative on the day I gave birth to Renly, cleared all me bowels out then. I was clogged after my cesarean, but I've never used manual help. Manual force to try and get it out. At work as well. At all places.

Imagine the flush coming. But imagine how incredible she felt. She must have felt 10 pounds lighter after that. Oh my gosh. I would have weighed myself before and after. Once I had a five pound poo. Did you? Yeah. I was real backed up and then I gave birth to my poo and then I weighed myself before and after. I was like, that's a big poo. I think there was some wee in there as well though, but you know. Water weight. Wow. That's a whopper of a poo. I think there was some wee in there as well though but you know. Some water way. Wow. That is a that's a whopper of a poo. I would have had to weigh it maybe. Well thank you Anonymous. Thank you. And I'm hoping it never happens to you again. Never ever. No one ever wants to force out their shit. That's a bad day at the office.

Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Has your shit got stuck on its way out? Or have you had a delivery mid-itchy legs? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode.

And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club! like tiny butlers. Are you serving food or do you hate your guests? Then join me, Catherine Beauxhart, as I sit down with some very special guests to discuss their dream do in brand new podcast, It's My Party, all to celebrate Comic Relief's 40th birthday. No need to RSVP, it's an open invite. Just look for It's My Party on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts or wherever you choose to listen.