Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Birthday Blues

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

Emma gets emotional as JoJo turns four, reflecting on how far he’s come and why this milestone feels extra big. Soph’s put on her detective hat to get to the bottom of parcels that are mysteriously going missing, and one very determined uncle finally earns the nickname he’s been chasing for years. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club lunch show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendars because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only. So you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now. So head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. So this is the Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is key. You don't have to tell us who you are.

You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in there. What the hell? You're saying it all with me. Come on. I was going.

I was, all secrets are welcome in the secret mum glad. Been away there, didn't there? I did. I'm so sorry. Did it off script though? I think it was on under pressure. Are you on camera? I'm vlogging.

Is it facing self? No. You're filming me? No. Yeah, I'm not filming myself. I'm just filming you. I'm trying to stay on with my content, aren't? I know, but it's because your phone is facing me, I feel like I'm being filmed.

Were you on selfie camera? Self-em-mage, yeah. Okay, just making sure. I feel like I'm on candid camera. We're back into content life. I'm really going ham on that content. I know, we were just saying how hard it is to like, sometimes I think, oh, I should, like, vlog my day down here, but I leave the house in such a rush that I'm at Redding on the train

before I've thought I should have just started filming this two and a half hours ago, but I get up and I'm just like so flustered. It's hard, isn't it? It is hard, it is hard. It is hard. about this, haven't we? 2026 is my year to be a content baddie. Yeah.

Well, you are a content baddie. I've gone through dips. You made it living out of it, honey. I do. It's my full time job. This is my full time. It's yours and Chris's full time job. It is.

It is. But no, I'm trying to do better. Yeah, a little bit more. Documented my little journey today. Yeah. It's been a fucking wild one because I went to Oxford Street at a half-past eight. Yeah, I can't believe. I said by the time you were in Primark Oxford Street, I was still in Swindonden.

It was also only today that I realized there's two primearks in London. Two massive ones. Two massive ones. But what's really annoying is if they don't have what you want at one, the other one's quite far away. I want to say I learnt the hard way. It's the other end of probably the longest shopping street in London. Thank you. I walked it. Did you?

I come out at Bond Street next to Disney store. Yeah. Eight minutes one way. I thought, oh, go to that one. Eight minutes, that's pop on down. Got there. Where's Greg's? There's no fucking Gregs.

Inside the Primark. Yep. There's no Gregs in here. Looked on my phone. It's in fact another Primal. So I then walked eight minutes from one prime mark back to the Disney. store where I got off to walk 16 minutes the other way. Up to the Tottenham Court Road.

When I tell you I was sweating. Yes, it is. Why didn't you get the bus? I don't know. I can't even get a bus at home. I've got no idea what number one stop. They literally just go up and down the road. I was panicking as...

I was panicking as I was. And then I got off at Farringdon, got off at Farringdon, walk the completely fucking wrong way. You don't normally come to Farringdon. No, I don't go to Farringdon. This is very London chat. I feel like people in the middle of like Arkansas are going to be like, what are they talking about?

All right. You can see it all on my social as I've documented the whole fucking journey while I've panted through every escalator. You've done a lot before 9 a.m. I have done. What did you want at Primark? Just wanted to look for, I'm on a mission to decor the house. We're trying to decore the house. You've got something specific in mind again. I'm on a mission for a basket, a foldable, collapsible pink basket. Like a laundry basket. No. One to go in the cupboard to organise all my cupboard bits, you know, tins, spices, all of that. Yeah. But I've got one colour that I specifically want. But we found out that this is really boring shit that you don't need to know.

But fuck me. I want to know. I'm sure it's consuming my life. So my units on the wall look like they're two 600 units. So I did one cupboard and I was like, fuck me. I can get two large baskets on one shelf. 600 millimeters? What are you talking about?

Measurements. Well, when you order a kitchen, you can get 400, 500 or 600 units. Oh, right. I'm imagining. I imagine that's 600 millimetres. Maybe. Yeah. How big 600 millimetres? 60 centimetres.

Yes, I think that is. About that big? Yeah. Two 30 rulers. Stefan laughs at me because I always measure stuff in the house by my fingers. I go, oh, about this. And he's like, that's not an accurate way of measuring. I always picture a metre ruler because I know what that looks like.

And then I'm like, oh, about half that. Oh, I picture a 30 ruler. You know the ones you got in school? Yeah, but sometimes you've got to go bigger than that. Like, that's not 30. That's 30? No way. That's 50.

Right. If we got a 30 ruler. That's not 50, that's 30. That's half a metre. That's not. 30's more like this. You're lying. Dofia's looking for a ruler now.

I'm going to hold this. This is why you shouldn't measure stuff in your house by your fingers. Oh, God. Okay. Hold on. Wait, let me guess to me. Hold up what you think is 30. Right.

This is 30. This is 30. Okay. Oh, fuck me, mate. Fuck me. You're about two centimetres off. Well, that's fucking epic. But I'd say that's smaller than what you did before.

Blown my pussy off. That's fucking great. I'm really, I'm elated with that. Thank you, Zofia, bringing it to the table. Yeah, thank you Zofia. Oh, that's really bad if no one's visually watching this and you're just slapping some ass. Slap that. Slap dead ayes.

I think 30's about this. So basically, the 600. Right, 600 millimetres. So the 600 units. So I was like, great, I got six baskets in there. So I went back to the store, bought six baskets exactly the same, which I did have to go to multiple stores to even retreat. them to only get home and find it's a fucking 500. Oh no. So now I've got three big baskets that don't fit in there. So then I needed the neck size down, which is quite

substantially a lot smaller. But now I can't get those baskets in the colour that I already chose. Oh, Christ, that I don't match. So I've been on missions trying to get baskets. So I thought today, why we're in London? Why not just check out London? Did you get them in New York? No. I didn't. So the search continues for the baskets. I can't believe the lengths you're going to. What pink are we saying? It's like a pastel. It's basically like this. It's like the inside of our mugs. But at the moment I have the pastel against this pink. If you're watching this, actually, I'm showing you. Oh, they're the two baskets. It's the same as our mugs. Yeah. That's what currently have in the cupboard. So I've got like a fuchsia, would you call that? A fuchsia with a

pastel. And then maybe like a rose. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I've been on a mission this week to decor the house. I see. I see. I've been documenting it all over the ticot of the to. I've been documenting it all over the ticcary of the Tockedy. I know, I need to get on that because I don't. You do have an account. You just don't go on there. No. It's not your chosen platform of choice. No, it's not. So I went today, but I did actually pick up a lovely, lovely soap dispenser for my own suite. I feel like Primark's the place where you go for something you specifically want and you come out with what you didn't go in there. You actually, you don't choose what you get in Primark. Primark chooses for you.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't. Primark tells you what you want and what you need. I'm the same in IKEA. Yes. I went to IKEA the other day. Stefan was like, come back with a specific cabinet for the living room because we finished doing the parquet floor. Stunners. When my parents were here.

And he gave me a list of things. He was like, I want this TV cabinet and I want a tall bookshelf to go in the corner. I came back with neither of those but a new dinner set. Stunning. Yeah. We've got loads of plates. IKEA chooses for you. No.

That place chooses. Yeah. And you think a plate is £2.50. I'll go home with 10 of them. Don't want a green unit. My green unit in the kitchen's going. Do you want that? Is it like a TV stand?

No, it's more of a display unit. Yeah, oh yeah, I want a bit, I'm very restricted on the width. Oh, okay. Can I do 65 centimetres? Right. What we're saying? I think we're saying. Oh no, far too wide.

Okay. Yeah. It's lovely though. No, only 65 because it's slotting in behind the door but next to the curtains. Right. It can't impinge on the curtains too much. I would have delivered that to Wales for you. Would you?

Yeah. Not by hand. In the van. Yeah. We do get deliveries there. were in the middle of bloody nowhere. Some of our delivery is just going missing because I think the delivery drivers think

can't bother to go that rural so they'll just be like so things just don't show up and then they'll be like UPS will be like or whoever the other delivery services. Other delivery drivers are available. They'll just take a picture

of like a black square or like blurry and they'll be like proof of delivery delivered. Do you know if funny you should say this I actually spoke about this on my TikTok we obviously here in a red dip hate it yeah

we're in the new house for oh try out Amazon, Amazon were delivering to us absolutely fine. Now, for some unbeknown reason, they're delivering our parcels to somebody else. So someone is taking in my parcels and I know this because I've seen your toes on my Amazon. Jackie can identify them by their toes. I don't know. And then I know a few people did say on my TikTok that is it your next door neighbour? No. Because they're waiting for new, we're waiting for new people to move in because they've moved out and that house was sold. So they're moving, new people are moving in. So it's not

their doorway. I've checked. Plus there's no one home. What are you supposed to do after that? I don't know. I don't know. And I'm now having to specific, although people did say, why don't you just deliver it to Roxanne's. Right, that would make perfect sense, of course, it would. Yeah, but you're not going to get it. But it kept saying delivered. Even did a Morrison shop on there for like collect, like, when you order it in the morning, it comes between two and four p.m. Someone took my whole shop. No, a whole food shop on my life took my whole shopping in. So I need to know who the house is. I need to know the person. Because I am going to knock the door and say,

do you, don't suppose by any chance you have my past. Where's my milk? Because when it comes to my house and it's the wrong person, obviously you're like, that's not for me. I say, oh, I'm so sorry, it's not for me. I don't want someone else's shop or delivery or... They're taking it in. No.

I've seen the toes. That's mental, isn't it? That is mad. Mas can't even believe it. It's bad, isn't it? I really want to knock the door. We're on first thing terms with our posting now, Neil. Because it's like such a small village.

So he'll literally be like, oh, just leave this in the shed for you or whatever. And he came to the door with a poster the other day. And it just said, Jones, and then the address, obviously, we live in Wales. And he's like, I don't know what Jones is his for. He was like, there's another one at the end of the road. I was like, I know, we're everywhere. It was like, is it for you? I said, I am waiting for a poster.

So, yeah, I think so. Just hand delivered it to me. I would have gone, Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, going, Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones. But yeah, what cheek. I know. So it's a little, it's been a little bit savage in my life at the moment.

It's all a little bit Craig Craig. Is that your week? I go from one drama to another. Yeah. And then to add to what is a crazy life already, we celebrate James's birthday, haven't we? Oh yeah, was he? Because we've had Jojo's as well.

When's James? James is the 8th. Oh, yeah. Same as Dot. She's the 8th of September, he's the 8th of February. Yeah. So it's a good way to remember. Did you have something on the,

because we did our little party on Sunday the 8th. Did you do one for James as well? I hid resin animals around his house. Why? I just thought it'd be really fun. Tiny little resin animals. Tiny. Boney's chicks.

Oh, I thought it was ducks. There was no ducks involved. It was just multiple colours. That big? Tiny. Like a centimetre. Yeah. Yeah, if that's what you would class as a centimetre.

Hang on. This is actually coming in really handy. This is so handy. We need this. Look at the ruler. Maybe two centermine. No, between a centimeter and a half. One and a half.

Yeah. Yeah. A centimeter and a half. Little treasure hunt. Everywhere. Oh my God. It took him two hours to find the first one. And we are now probably what?

When was the eighth? Three days ago. He's still. find one. It's honestly bringing me a lot of joy in my life. That's an annoying prank. But we just spent the day at his house. That was what he'd asked for. We went

round, the children had, so he picked up the bigger two in the morning. So they went for like a pre- pre-party, pre-celebration with all the other cousins. And then yeah, we joined him at about 11 o'clock and we were there till the evening. Got to see my brother, my

sister-in-law. So it was a real lovely, cozy. We had Macdonald Did you? I mean, it was a real, it was a real treat. What a party? But he's happy. Yeah, he's doing wonderful. Oh, how old is.

Can you say how old he was? Is it secret? No. Well, I thought he was 40, but I think he's been 40 for five years. I keep saying to him, oh, you're 40 this year. The big 4-0? I wasn't 40 last year. I'm not 40 this year.

How old are you then? I think he's 45. Okay. I don't know. We shouldn't reveal. We shouldn't reveal someone's age, should we? I don't think James would mind. I think he would tell you if he was here.

I think he's 45. Yeah. But no, we had a blast. We had Jojo's little party on the Sunday as well. Yes. Didn't share it with anybody else? Well, no, we didn't. We went to the other little boys party on the Saturday, which was very sweet and lovely.

And he was playing lovely with all his friends. And they got him a present, which I thought was so sweet. Did you buy them a present back? Yeah, well, obviously, we took a present to the party as per normal. Sorry, they bought Jojo. They brought Jojo a present because this was the one where they were like, oh, we can maybe share birthdays in future. The dad offered to share it because it was like too close to the event. And then the mum freaked out.

But they, yeah, I mean, I'm just reading between the lines what was going on at home. It might not have been that. If you're listening, sorry. I don't know what's going on. But they got him a present. When we left, they gave him a little present, which I thought was so sweet. I mean, he's not having a party, so they didn't have to get him a present. But obviously, they knew it was his birthday on the Monday.

So that was really sweet. So we had that on Saturday. And then we did like a little family party because my mum and dad was still there. During the parquet floor. Been slogging it away all week. God bless them. They've gone home for a rest now. By Monday morning, I was like, my dad was like, oh, just to, to,

finish, I'll just put up a curtain pole. But he put up a curtain pole in Joseph's room where the wall is like steel and it was like so hard for him to drill through. It was like a two-person job. Him and my mum were like, with the drill. And then I had to step in and like support his arm to drill because the wall was so hard. That took him all morning. He was like, I'll just pop this curtain pole up before I go. It was slogging away from about four hours, sweating his tits off. Got the curtain pole up and then they were like, right, we're off now. But it's been that like, all seven full days of like hard labour. God bless them. So when they left, I was like, God, God bless you. You know, we couldn't have done it without you. Got curtains up in both the

kids' room now, which we've been waiting for for ages. And Stefan was like, oh, I'll just do that. I was like, do you think, no offense, honey, but you would never have been able to do to do Steve's job? I was to say, looking back, do you think Stefan would have been able to do Steve job? Absolutely not. No. No. And my mom and dad are like, oh, Stefan wouldn't have been able to do that on his own. And I'm like, yeah, I don't feel like, emasculate him, but I'm like, just wait my mom and dad to get here. They'll be able to do that. So they did that, and they did a very good job of it. And now it looks, it just looks so much more finished. When I looked in the kids' rooms, I'm like, oh, it looks lovely and cozy and homely now.

But yeah, the day before they went, we had a party with them and all of Stefan's family and some other family friends. So we had, that was like our first thing that we've hosted in our house, which felt quite massive. Yeah, that felt quite momentous. And I was like, okay, we can actually like be real grownups and host things. Like, it went really well. So everyone was like, what about Christmas?

Next year. And I'm like, yeah, we could. Next year. Yeah, next year. Maybe 2027, yeah. Give us a bit all the time to prepare. But I was like, yeah. could actually do it, I think. I quite liked having a house. It's the first time we've had a house

where we can have everyone around comfortably and not feel overcrowded and have enough space and there's like different rooms that people can hang out in. And also like his side of the family and my side of the family don't get to see each other very often. So like to see my mum and dad and his mom and dad just like chatting away is so nice because they only get to see each other like once every few years if there's like a wedding or something. So that was really, really lovely. And Jojo had a lovely time. He had all the toys that he wanted. He had a lovely cake that Stefan's mum made. So he was really, really happy and he was good at having, I was like, you have changed so much. Like he was good at having happy birthday sung. He didn't kick off about that. Do you know what?

Jojo comes on in leaps and bounds, doesn't he? Honestly, I was saying to Maz and Zoff earlier, I feel quite emotional about him being four because not only just four feel like a big milestone. I'm like, you're a real boy now and you're going to start school this year. Yeah. It's like, it just feels grown up. Yeah. But also, he, he's, he's, he's a little bit. He's, His particular fourth birthday comes in the middle of like, he's been through so much and so much has changed and he's started a new school and he's learning a new language and we've moved to a new city and he's got a new house and I just think he's adapted to everything so well. Oh my gosh. I'm going to cry. I just feel very proud of him and I'm like, Four feels really

momentous and he's just been so good. Like smiling to have his photo taken. I'm just like, he didn't, he wouldn't have done that before. No. I just, I feel very proud of him. Oh, my God. Do you remember like even going back to like when we went to Lindex and you come down to see me down there? And he was so shy. They wasn't even a year ago. No. I know.

So insanely shy. I know. And he hated happy birthday so much. He hated it. He wouldn't have even done it. Yeah. Or leave the room. Yeah.

So I was just like, oh my God. He's. Yeah. It kind of like it just feels like it's so perfect. Yeah. Like it's really, really brought him out of his shell. He's come on like leaps and rounds and like school is going so well. school was so cute.

They did like a birthday video of him and sent it to us. And everyone sang happy birthday to him that day. And like he loved it. He didn't like, he didn't freak out or anything. So that's massive for him. And I just, yeah, I feel very proud of him. I'm a proud auntie.

Okay, I'm really proud. I've been so emotional about him this week. I don't know what it is. Like, yeah, it just feels, it feels like a milestone for him. It's hard because it's been a hard journey with, with how shy he has been. Yeah.

And you shared it. with us the whole way and it has been, I know obviously off air and away from, away from us recording this, how it's been so hard for you and to get here now. I mean, just when you're going through it, you're just like, oh, it's fine. He's just being a two-year-old. He's just been a three-year-old. You don't reflect. When he does the stuff, you're like, that's massive for you.

So yeah, I'm very, I'm very proud of him. Go Jojo. And just like looking, birthdays anyway are like emotional. But like, because of how far he's come, I put a little post. on Instagram of his, like, baby photos when he was born. And I was like, I got in a hold of, like, looking at baby photos of him. And I was like, Stephen, I can't believe. Like, he's four.

Like, that's massive. You've been a parent for four years. I can't believe. And it's like, it goes so fast. But I remember, like, everything about going into hospital to happen. Like, it's yesterday. It's mad, isn't it? And I think about his birth.

I was saying to Stefan, like, I think about his birth, like, way more than I do about Sadie's. And I think I just feel like, there's extra emotion attached to Joseph's birth because it didn't go according to plan. So I feel like extra proud of how far we've come. I don't feel like that about safety, but I mean obviously I love her, but like her birth was like, we went into hospital for a plan C section.

So that was like everything that it should have been. You knew what to expect. Yeah, but I think with Joseph's there's some like unresolved. I don't know, like it all turned out fine in the end. But yeah, I just feel like a bit of extra. kind of emotion attached to his birth because of the way it went. So whenever I look back to it, and obviously that's heightened on birthdays, I just feel very, like, very proud.

Oh, my gosh. I know. I never cry, but this week I've been like, this feels quite, like, massive. It is massive, and you should be so proud of not only you, but him as well. He's such an incredible little boy. Yeah, he's doing so well. And it's been so wonderful to watch his little journey because it's huge for us watching him, you know. Yeah. And we're so proud of you.

And it's hard because when you're in it, you don't see, I don't think you wreak the benefits of, you don't have that perspective and that hindsight until you look back on it. Yeah, until you get back. So you go through the motions of every single day. And it's not until you get to like a birthday and you look back and you go, fuck me, we've actually done it. Yeah.

And then you look back on him and you just think, bloody hell, this is, this is so crazy. And I'm the same as you. I don't want you to feel alone in that because, Like Colby's, I'd never went, you know, I'd always, I don't know, we say this all the time. You know, your first one, you have so much expectation of what your first labour's going to be like. And I think we all hold a little bit of trauma when it doesn't maybe go to plan or it's a little bit scary. We reflect on that.

And then I had a great pregnancy with Dotty. And like you, I look back and I think, God, I don't, I don't really remember much of dots because it was so easy. I knew what to expect. I knew I was going for an induction. I knew I was having this, this and this, and A, B and C. and it all went exactly how I thought it was going to do because that's what I did the first time I went. And then when I got to Renley, I now hold so much.

And I'm just like you, I'm like barking on the third birthday, sorry, third, second birthday. And I'm terrified. Yeah. I'm terrified as to barking on that journey because I just hold so much. There's so much emotion tied up with that birth. And when you look back at it, you just think,

obviously you think about it all the time, but on birthdays it's really heightened, isn't it? I think I don't know how I got through it. I think when I look back at pictures, I feel sad because when I was going through it, I was so scared, so lonely, so sad. And then I get to today and I think, I don't know how I got through that. That's the thing. The rest of the time, you're just cracking on with your life, like going through the day

to day. And then when you do take a moment to reflect, suddenly all those emotions come back up to the surface because you're like, oh my God, I actually went through so much. And especially with friendly, like, obviously his journey was like quite traumatic. I said to Stefan, I don't think trauma's the right word. It seems a bit too strong. Yeah, what is the word? I don't know.

So maybe like, he was like, do you feel like disappointed? I'm like, I don't think I was at the time. But like maybe actually in hindsight, I feel like trauma is a bit too strong, but maybe a little bit of trauma is kind of the right word. Yeah. It's such a harsh word. Yeah. But it's, and you don't want to say trauma because obviously there's, there's things.

Yeah, I don't want to diminish what other people have been through. Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying. I think it's all relative to your experience, isn't it? Like, you know, everything turned out fine. Everything turned out fine with friendly. But I think, yeah, there's just, there's so much emotion tied up in that. Yeah.

I think when you get to a birthday. or an anniversary and you look back. It's really hard. Yeah, it is hard. But yeah. Oh. So that's been a very reflective week. I can't stop looking at baby photos now. I'm just like too much.

Also, your hormones are cruel to you. Like the pictures I was sending to Joseph to Stefan being like, look me and Jojo at home today. I'm like, yeah, he was looking crazy. And I was going, Daddy will think this is so cute at work. Let's send it to him.

Be like, hi, morning, Daddy. And I was like, Stefan, these pictures I sent you were fucking unhinged. But obviously I was like, oh, my newborn baby is so pretty. precious. Hormones are fucking wild, aren't they? I honestly, when I look back on there, I think, fuck, was I drunk?

Yeah. Was I tripping? Was I on some substance? Yeah. I think we've all been there, though. And then you're going for all this sweet pictures, aren't you? You're crying. And then you see the unhinged ones and you're like, what is I'm thinking?

It's truly incredible what your body can do to you. It's wild, isn't it? It is wild. But, oh, gosh, I'm so happy for you. Oh, thank you. element of happy tears there. I know there is happy tears but yeah it's a big journey. Proud of you. Proud a little Jojo. Yeah, me too. It's a big year for him this year as well. And I think as well you've got so much coming up for him. I know. So it is a huge year. So you

not only have emotions with him going off to big school. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel very protective of him like putting them out in the world is scary, isn't it? Really scary. Look at their baby photos and you think, God, I was able to just like keep them so safe from everything. Yeah. And it just gets harder and harder. It gets really scared. It gets, I would like to say it doesn't, but I feel like,

I get more and more scared. Like, Colby's talking to me now. Like, he goes, oh, can I walk to school in year six ready to walk to secondary school? And I'm like, maybe I could walk you to like the end of the road and then you can walk the road.

But then I feel like I'm going to be crazy because I feel like I just need to tudle behind him just to just to watch. Just drive really slowly in the car. Yeah, like I'm, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of that next stage with him. So scary letting them do stuff, isn't it? And then again, I look back at those newborn photos and I'm just like, fuck me, he's going

to be, he's double digits this year. He's double digits. And when you think that's gone like that, in another 10 years, you're going to have a 20 year old. Fuck me, Emma, fuck, don't. You're pushing me over the edge. We're getting ahead of ourselves, but it's a nuts time. Oh, it really is. God bless you.

So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what. we've been talking about or just say hello you can find us on TikTok and Instagram just search SecretMumpord or you can email us hello at secretutumumpod.com

Right, it's time for the Corresponders Corner So Emma and I What? Really want to hear from me. Rewind! So Emma, let's have it. All right, this one says, hey soap and Emma

I was listening to the episode where Emma mentioned Sadie being excessively dribbly and it reminded me of a trip to the zoo when my mum took me, my brother and our younger cousin. He was a very dribbly child. We went on a bouncy castle and my mum remembers children coming off it, absolutely soaking wet.

Oh, it turns out they were in my cousin's dribble. Oh, God. She says she looked up and saw me, my brother and our cousin having the time of our lives while everyone else was desperately avoiding the saliva. It worked a tree. We basically had the bouncy castle to ourselves. Oh, God.

Anyway, just to reassure you, Emma, who's almost 30 now when the dribbling has stopped. Jillian. Well, that's good to know. Sadie hasn't cleared a bouncy castle yet, but there's time. There is time. Someone messaged me actually. I'd like to say thanks. I can't remember their username, but someone DM'd me on Instagram saying about getting her ad noise and tonsils checked, because apparently that can be a thing that leads to a baby being really dribbly. And someone else said about sinuses, and like if you're a mouth breather, that can mean that you dribble a lot. So I think that's something that I might look into if it continues.

to be bad. She's actually got a little bit better recently but she still is quite a dribbly baby. I find the dummy where Renly has, he really, really loves his dummy but where he has it he gets so much saliva because of the dummy. Is that stopping them from, they don't swallow as much where they've got the dummy in

yeah, I think so, because then I think because when he then doesn't have the dummy, I think because he uses the dummy and the dummy maybe creates him to swallow he'll then take the dummy out and when he doesn't have it and he's quite dribbly because I don't know if he's remembering that he needs to swallow it. Yeah, yeah.

I think the dummy is a thing because we, I don't know if I talked about this yet. I took them to the dentist for their first check-up. No, I don't think you told us. First ever check-up, which I feel bad about because Joseph's like four and Sadie's two. And apparently you're supposed to take them like as soon as they have teeth and I have never taken them. Anyway, I don't think that's a done thing. I've only ever had their children checked because they've come with me to the dentist. Yeah.

And when I'm there, I've said to the dentist, like when I first did cold, I was like, oh, do you think you could just give him? How old do you think he was when he first had his teeth? But he had a lot of teeth. Yeah, he had loads. And then Dotty probably wasn't until she was two. Yeah, okay. And then Renly has, again, he's been going probably since he was one.

Right. Yeah, I'd say, yeah, one's probably pretty normal. But my friend who's a dentist was like, oh, you should be getting them checked as soon as they've got teeth. And I was like, no one's taking like a six-month-old to the dentist, surely, are they? And getting like the two. The two-year. Yeah, I think maybe what six months might be a little bit hard to sit still. How would you looking them out?

I don't know. Mine really loved the chair, like sitting in the chair. Oh, do they? But being one, they found it quite exciting. Yeah, I didn't know how they were going to be. And obviously, Joseph, I was like, he's never going to do that. You can sit on his lap. Yeah, they did. They both sat on my lap. And actually, they were both absolutely fine. And they both got an excellent report, which I was relieved about, because Sadie hates cleaning her teeth. And Joseph's now at the age where he loves a sweet treat, which we obviously try not to give him too much. But even like the day-to-day snacks that they have, I've got sugar in them. So I was like, oh, God, I'm going to get absolutely slammed by the dentist. but she was like, no, all absolutely fine.

But I asked her about Sadie's dribble, and she was like, does she have a dummy? And I said, yes. And she was like, that might be making her excessively dribbly. She was like, I would just try and get rid of the dummy if you can. I love it when people say that. They're just like, just get rid of the dummy. And I'm like, oh, sure, just get rid of the dummy.

Like, it's going to be like an easy thing. And she was like, you'll probably go through like a week of pain and then it'll be fine. And I remember people saying that about Joseph as well. Me and Stefan were like, just take the easy road out. Like, I'm not going to get rid of it until she can understand the story that like the dummy's going now, which is what we did with Joseph when he turned three. Yes. I was like, you're three now, so your dummy's going to go to the dummy fairy and she's going

to give it to a small baby who needs it more than you. Yes. But then it was hard because obviously Sadie still had a dummy, so he would like always put Sadie's dummy in his mouth. But I just think if I took it away from Sadie at the moment, she'd just be like, what the fuck. And I want, she's sleeping at the moment and I want her to sleep and I'm like, I'm not, I'm not going to take it away.

I do keep thinking I need to take Renner's away. Oh, yes. He really, really, really loves it. Yeah, but they're even worse. He goes to bed with like five. Yeah, Savi's got seven dummies in her car. She still wakes up and she can't find one. And I just don't know, I just don't know if I'm prepared already.

But I did really want to drop the dummy before he goes to preschool. Did you? But I'm hoping when he starts preschool, because he won't have his dummy. You're not going to send him in with it? No. Because he won't be having a nap there. He won't be having a nap. No.

And I feel like he'll be so occupied and busy playing. Oh yeah, that'll be fine. That he won't need it. And then I'm hoping that is going to be what's going to be. going to drop, making drop it. But the thing is, it's like different settings. Like, Sadie doesn't have her dummy at nursery anymore. I send it in just in case.

But she's been napping without it and playing without it. Because I always say to them, like, oh, if you can keep her off it, like, do. And she's so preoccupied there. How the fuck they managed to get her down to sleep. I don't know. But they're like different children at their nursery session. She just so, it must be so exhausted. So she does that there.

And then she comes home and I'm like, oh, maybe she won't need the dummy at home. No. At home, she's still really reliant on the dummy. So it's like they can behave one way at preschool or nursery. And they come home and it's completely different. It must be maybe the comfort of home to have the dumb... I think me and Stefan are just quite weak, weak wills as well. Like if she's moaning, she's like, she calls it mummy.

I'm like, you can, she can say her D's because she can say daddy. But anyway, she's like, where my mummy gone? Oh, Oz's is where's our bibby gone? My mum's always like, she's asking for you. And I'm like, it's the dummy, it's not me. But to stop the moaning, I'm just like, just have it. Or is a bibby? Where's my bibby gone?

Where a bibby gone? With mummy gone. And when they're doing that, I'm like, fine. Just take it. Just take it. Just take it. Get a time in my next. And if it means you're going to sleep at night,

have seven dummies in your cot. I don't care. But I can't. Just unload a whole box of mams in there. Get in there. Swim around. I said to the dentist, thanks. But no, thanks.

I'm not going to be doing that yet. Oh, but anyway. Thank you, Gillian. Thank you. So much. Yeah, good to know she'll be right by the time she's 30. We've had another dribble related message. This one comes from Anna.

She says, hello ladies, love the pod. Oh, thank you. Thank you. My son, now three and a half, had the most horrendous dribble. He was still wearing a dribble bib well past what you'd call dribble bib age. In November 2024, he had his tonsils capped, not fully removed, just reduced, and his adenoids taken out.

How interesting! Transformation was amazing. He never dribbles anymore. And he'd also struggled with hearing, glue ear and bad earwax. Since the operation, all of that has completely resolved, it might be something to look into Emma for your kiddos. Love, love, love the pod. It keeps me going while I tackle my mountain of washing on nursery mornings. Anna.

How funny I was just saying about that. Renly gets really, really, really bad wax ears. It's funny how that's all related, isn't it? The tonsils, adenoids and ear wax. I don't know whether this is like a child of the 90s thing, but I remember everyone having their adenoids and tonsils removed. I've still got mine. Do you remember?

It was like a thing. They did, like very widely. No. Do you not remember. I remember everyone having a christening. I was talking about this year of the day. Everyone had a christening, didn't they? Not because they were a practicing Christian.

Just because they wanted to have a party. Yeah, yeah. Your kids aren't christened, are they? No. But I'm christened. I didn't go to church. I'm not. I've probably said this before.

My two sisters are christened and I am not because they were like third child didn't have time. Are you joking? My mom and dad, I know choice had two at the two for the price of one, didn't they? Yeah, that's true. That was a double pissed up. Imagine they did rich in, not you. That would be a right piss tank. You really didn't feel like you deserve to be a child of God.

But my sisters have got God parents and I've got no one. If anything happens to my parents, be left. My own. I don't think it doesn't want like that. It's not legally binding. Yeah, but it doesn't matter now that you're fully asked. What, you mean I've got to look after myself now that I'm a four-grade adult, unfortunately.

No, but like when I was younger. Yeah. I think my sister's godparents would have just had to have taken me on as well, bonus. Yeah. But no, it's more about next of kin, isn't it? Like a relative would probably have looked after us. I think it is. So godparents are bullshit.

I don't actually know. But again, I think it was a trend. I think it was a trend. I'd be very hypocritically. Obviously, there is not that people are doing it now for. for religious purposes. Well, some people are. A lot of people I know are getting their children christened to get them into a good school.

Dare I say. Dare I say, is that going to be put into compliance? No, people do that. They get christened and they do a couple of sessions at Mass and then you can go to a Catholic school. I would never, but people do. Well, just saying, a little life hack for you there. There's a good Catholic school in your area. People do that.

It's a thing. Wow. How? Anyway. It's funny how all that's related though. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Away from the Catholicism. The earwax, the adenoids, the tonsils. It's all linked up. It's funny. It is. It is all in your head though. It is. Yeah.

And it's all under one doctor. Ear nose and throat. All under one roof. The old E.N.T. Wow, there you go. It's under one roof. It's called Tizer Russ. Tonsor Russ.

It's called E&T. E&T. Do you know Tudor Russ is back? Is it? Well, my W.H Smith has turned to a TJC. TG Jones. Did I tell you that last week? TG Jones.

And it's got a Toys R Us in that. They've all changed over. I think apart from ones in train stations and airports. Wow. They're all TG Joneses now. And did you know, that's not even named after a real person. They just picked a name they thought sounded like family and high street friendly. What, like W.H. Smith.

W. H. Smith actually was named after the founder, I think. TG. Jones. But T.G. Jones is just a made up name. Anyway. Thank you, Anna. Thank you, Anna. I think I will look into that. This episode is very, very...

All the science seems to be pointing back to the tonsils. Tonsils, yeah. And the adenoids. So, yeah, I'll have a look into it. Thank you, everyone. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly. And you can be totally anonymous.

Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember... We're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. I really had to look at your mouth then to see where you were going to do. I know. I really tried to follow your...

Did you? I was, she's going lackluster. Lackluster? Lackluster. Yeah, like soft. Oh, well, you tell me if I go too hard, you know. No, I know. I don't like it too hard.

You see, you prefer it soft. That was nice acoustic. Slow and steady. You like it slow and steady. Yeah. Let's get it on. Leath. Yeah.

Right, are we ready? Oh, yeah. Are you ready? Yeah, I just remembered I got a switch on for this one. Yeah, because it's just kick back and relax. It's not me who's on Secret of the Week this week. It's Emma. Yeah.

I'm passing the baton this week. We're back to Jojo. We are back to Jojo. It's a full episode for our little... Dedicated to Joe's food. I know. After just speaking so lovely about him, I am going to say his bedtimes have been a fucking nightmare.

Oh, you're joking. We've really gone backwards. I think I did speak about it a bit before, but we've really gone backwards in terms of just being able to leave him in the room to go to sleep. And I really flip between like, oh my God, just so it's so annoying. I just want to go downstairs. Why can't get yourself to sleep?

Oh, he's taking up my whole evening. to, oh, you know, I'm lucky these days aren't going to last forever. I can hold your beautiful soft hand and watch your eyes gently close until you drift off into a peaceful sleep. Isn't this a lovely mother-sum bonding moment? I read him a book. But sometimes it's a little bit annoying. It just depends on how the day's gone.

And it depends if I'm on my own, if I'm solo parenting, if I've got dinner waiting downstairs. It can be by that point at the end of the day, I'm like, look, I just. Every day is different. Yeah. Sometimes I've got more patience for it than others. Yeah. And at the moment, because I'm in like a Jojo, like, I'm in a bit of a loving at the moment because he's had his birthday and I've been like appreciating him and being like, oh, my lovely boy.

But some days I'm like, fuck this. I just want to, you know, go and watch Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and scroll shit on my phone. Yeah. I've got to do that for an hour in the evening to just wind down. Yeah. So I do, he's obsessed with like law and order. Like he's obsessed with like going to jail and prison because he always plays like baddies and goodies

Is it law and order an adult program? No, I just mean like the theme in general. Oh sorry, I was about to say fuck me. Is it the TV show? Say fuck me. I mean, start. I'm young. Loves a bit of CSI.

CSI Miami to be specific. No, but they're obsessed with like, I don't know what it is about three and four year old boys in general. I think they're obsessed with like police and jail and like anything wrong. Cops and robbers. You've got to go to jail. So I'll do like a minor.

misdemeanor in the house or like something that's not even I don't know like put a toy in the wrong place and he's like mommy will you go to jail like he's got no concept of like what's good and what's bad but jail is quite a good deterrent so like he's obsessed with like fear

where we're going with this yeah okay he's obsessed with like driving safely and I put his seatbelt on and if you think so I'm driving too fast he's like mummy you'll go to jail I'm like I'm always driving within the speed limit or if I like pull away from the drive without my seatbelt and he's like

mummy seatbelt you'll go to You'll go to jail. And I'm like, no, I actually might. And when he went put his seatbelt and I sit in the car seat seat. I'm like, I can use that as a threat. I'm like, come on. If you don't put your seatbelt on.

We're going to jail. We really will get pulled over by the police? And he'll be like, will you go to jail or me? And I'm like, maybe both of us. Like, if you don't wear your seatbelt. But I've told him. What's happening to say-dy in all of this? I've told me to know.

She's just chilling in the car. She just sits in her car seat. But when she's old enough, I will be using the jail threat against her. Believe you be. I fear it's not going to work on Sadie, though. No. Just like it would never work on Dott, but it would have scared the living for cheap as eyeballs.

Yeah, exactly the same. She'll be like, I don't even fucking shit. I'm not getting in my car seat. Make me. Fuck you. She about that. Fuck the police. Fuck the ball balls.

Fuck jail. Tattoo on her eyebrow. She don't care. That was literally dog. Dog life. No, but I have used it. Sorry. I've used it.

to reassure Joseph because sometimes he gets a bit worried about it and I'm like, look, you're not, I'm like, look, you're not really going to go, you know, only in a light way. I'll use it. Or if it really is important, I'm like, look, you don't know you're going to jail. Go to the toilet or you're going to jail. If you don't eat those peege, you really will be going to, you're going to jail. Also, his, he's like perception of how long people's sentences are is wildly. Oh, like, someone would do something very small and he's like 20 years in jail.

I'm like, wow, this is a harsh prison. This is a very harsh jurisdiction. Seabia, it's called and eat his peace 20 years. 20 years. I'm like, you'd actually probably only get about six months for that. And then you only serve half the time anyway. Good behaviour, you'll be out. You'll be out in prison.

You'll be out in a month. But no, I do, I use it to reassure him as well. So to make sure that it doesn't get too scared. I'm like, look, no, like, don't worry, calm down. Children can't really go to jail. So with bedtime, when he's not going to sleep and I'm sometimes getting a bit visibly frustrated with him, he'll be like, am I going to go to jail? And previously I've been like, no, don't be silly.

Like, no, you only go to jail. if you're like really bad and you commit a crime. Like you're not going to go to jail for not falling asleep. But once. Oh God. He was testing my patients going to sleep so much. And he was like, well, I, like, even if I don't fall asleep, like, I don't care. You said children can't go to jail.

And I was like, yeah, but you can go to a young offenders institution. So go the fuck to sleep. You are straight. Well, there is. Well, there is a young offender's. Fenders Institute and they will take you from three. So, you better mark you. I was like, actually there is somewhere for you.

So I was desperate. All right. I was desperate. Did it work? He went to sleep. Oh, okay. Probably terrified. He hasn't brought it up again.

Can you imagine if you just sits down with Stephanie? He's like, Dad, can you talk to me about the Young Offender's Institute? I told Stefan that I told him and he was like, that's so fucking cruel. He's like, you can't tell him that. He hasn't mentioned it since. And I don't know whether that's because he's forgotten about it or whether he's traumatized. and he's compartmentalised that and locked it away. So how have we been sleeping from that moment?

He's doing pretty good actually. I'm going to say, I'm going to say. So I think it works. So if your child is not sleeping, Young Offenders Institute. You threaten them with the Young Offenders Institute and you'll have your nights back. So.

A bit of community service. You're welcome. Maybe I should have gone in there. Should have to go to low level. Maybe we'll start with community service. Then Young Offenders Institute. We did some gardens. Yeah.

Picking up some litter. Yeah. Yeah. And then straight in, just don't fucking around. And then after that, you'll be in Young Offenders Institute. And then from the Young Offenders Institute, Prism, you're off to jail. Big boy jail. Yeah.

Not little boys. Big boy jail. Yeah, so please tell me I'm not a terrible parent. That's my secret. And we'll get into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week from you. From you this week. I feel like I say that every week the wrong way.

It's not words. We got three. secrets from you that we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, take it away, although I feel like I'm making you do all the legwork today. I know, it's a lot of talking, isn't it? People are going to be sick at the sound of my bottom. Well, that's a different story for another day, honey. All right, this one says, hi, Sophia and Emma.

I was listening to the episode where Renner's climbed out of his cot and went downstairs to eat quavers, and it reminded me of my daughter. Oh, gosh. Some of the comments on the, we put that little clip on social media, some of the comments were hilarious. Have you read them? No. You don't read the comments. As in bad hilarious. People were like... Why did Chris make you go downstairs? He's the man.

Yeah, I know. That's what I mean. Pussy, I say. Absolutely pussy. Looking at me like I was going to fucking go down there and face the burglars. Oh God, right. This says, when she was two, she climbed out of her travel cot at her granddad's house. We woke up in a panic. She was nowhere in the house. We had to call the police and report her missing. Stop it. Don't tell Jojo this. I was sobbing on the phone. telling them she didn't even have shoes on.

Turns out she'd spent the whole night with the police watching Pepper Pig. He, oh my gosh, she actually did get out. What the fuck? What the fuck? I thought you just wouldn't be able to find her. They brought her back and I was obviously in floods of tears. She walked in, looked at me, and asked why I was crying, then very casually explained she'd been walking to McDonald's at 2 a.m. to get ice cream.

Granddad definitely got shouted out for not locking the door. I can't believe this. She's nine now, still alive and hasn't really. run away since. It's now a memory we laugh about all the time, although she's still just as obsessed with ice cream anonymous. This is insane! She actually left the house when

she was two, opened the door, walked to what she thought was McDonald's at 2 o'clock in the morning. 2 a.m. And the police picked her up and she spent all night with them watching Peper Pig. This is... I'm absolutely... This is none. I don't know if we should

be laughing. I can't imagine for one second how you How you must have felt. I don't think you've ever gotten over this. No. I can hear this in your voice that this is absolutely hands down traumatic. What a story. Realising she actually wasn't in the house.

I'm just trying to picture... I'm just trying... I'm just trying to picture runners at 2 a.m. Walking down the road. Cars, people. Anything could have happened? Actually... I'm actually...

I'm actually speechless. I actually have no work. for this one. I need to know more. I've got it. She is. I'm nervous. Do you live in a safe community?

Do you live in a safe community? Do you live in a rural area? Do you live on a busy road? She went from McDonald's. Oh, God. I mean, I've lost Sadie in the house. Can you imagine granddad? Knowing that she's not able to get out,

but still the panic of being like, where is she, she loves hiding. Where is she in this house? I can't find her. Like, that panic is awful. But knowing that they're not, Realising they're not actually there, you must have, I would have collapsed.

Miss Rabbit has fainted. I actually, I don't know if we should laugh or whether we should cry. I can't imagine for a second how granddad felt in all of this. Grandad must feel awful. I don't think anybody in this whole scenario, everyone. The police should. Just picked her up. Did your daughter remember doing it?

They don't have any memories when there. Do they not? Is it before four? I think it's around four or five, isn't it? I'm just so, so relieved that she was fine. I can confirm our door has a lock. We have an up lock and a chain on our door. Yeah.

Because that does terrify me. During the day, even just getting out during the day. But I will say our gates are permanently, permanently shut. What? Fermanently. Fermanently. Yeah, that's... Wow.

But then, you know, it's like everything that happens with kids. I just can't imagine. You don't know it can go wrong until it goes wrong. I can't imagine for a second how they must have felt. You would never think, oh, she's going to climb out of her travel cot, open the front door, walk to down the road at 2 a.m. With no shoes on. And then just chill at the police station with a bit of pepper pig.

The police, when they picked her up, must have been like, what the fuck? Where's your mum? Where's your... But also, how do you link them back to the family? Because there's nothing to say. Yeah, what if she doesn't know where she lives? She can't say her address probably. Oh, did she ring the police though?

They phoned the police. Yes, that's what I mean. And they've gone, oh, we have her at the police station. But at the point where the police just pick up a two-year-old who's walking down the street, they don't know where she belongs to. No. And if, based on Renner's, like Renner says a few odd words, but he's, by no means, would be able to say, he'd be like Bibies, Peppa.

Yeah. Beosh. Where's my dummy? Bibby. Oh, God. God bless you. I did know my address off by heart by the time I was like three or four because my parents always lost me. So I think they were like, this is the most useful information we can teach you.

And I did get lost in a shopping centre and I told the security guard. My full name and address. Which is either good or like a security risk because then they know all the information about you. And then they could take you, burgle your house and then continue taking you. But my mum and dad did find me. Oh. And it was a happy ending. Wow.

That one is by far possibly the scariest story we've ever. ever had. Yeah, that is, I'm so glad. I've been terrifying. So terrifying. All jokes aside, I'm just so relieved that she's okay and I can't imagine for a second. I hope you're, you're dealing with this because that is a lot. I don't think I'd ever get over it. The guilt. Yeah. Not that it's your fault, but just the guilt. And obviously the guilt of the, the granddad as well, living with that. Everybody must have felt terrible. Awful. So, so awful. Worse when it's not your child. Yes. Isn't it? Even worse. Yeah. God bless you all

Gosh Right, should we have Secret number two? All right This one says hello ladies Hello I'm due to become a new mammy to our baby boy this April

and my partner and I are absolutely over the moon I'm writing because I'd really appreciate some advice on something that's been playing on my mind how to deal with favouritism between children in the family My partner's parents

already have four grandchildren Are you ready for this A seven-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl From his older brother Yes A two-year-old girl And a one-year-old boy

from his younger sister. Stunning. Got it? For years now, I've noticed very clear favouritism. It never really bothered me before, but now maybe pregnancy hormones, maybe just seeing things differently, it really does. At first, the 7-year-old boy

was treated very differently to his three-year-old sister. He had constant sleepovers, holidays, days out, toys and even his own bedroom in their house. His sister, on the other hand, was rarely included and seemed almost invisible.

Since my partner's sister had her two little ones, the focus has shifted again. Now the grandparents do all of the above for the two-year-old and one-year-old, while the seven-year-old is no longer treated the same way, and the three-year-old is still completely overlooked. Another thing that really upsets me is birthdays. They always attend the other children's birthdays and contribute towards parties, food and presents,

but for the three-year-old, they booked a holiday abroad after already knowing her due date. For her first birthday, they went on holiday again. They did attend her second birthday, but stood in the corner, made no effort, and even said to me, this is why we choose to go away over birthdays, because we don't have to make an effort. Hearing that broke my harm, I know my baby will never go. without, his dad and I will always make sure of that, but I don't want him growing up feeling second best or confused by adults who should love him equally. Would you address it directly and explain that favoritism is upsetting? Or would you avoid confrontation and protect

your child by setting firm boundaries and limiting exposure? Anonymous from deep in the valleys somewhere near Cardiff. Hello friend. Hello friend. Hello, darkness wildrunner. That's weird. That is absolutely barbaric. Should you confront it? Yes, you absolutely should. But are they going to sound nuts for bringing it up? It sounds quite clear. It sounds very, very clear. You're going in here with really, really strong points. So I think all of this, I would keep to take that to the table for your discussion.

Do I think you should confront them? Yes, I do. Do I also think that you should put boundaries in place? Yes, I do. Because what we've had to do, obviously we don't have a relationship with Chris's parents. And we have on multiple times try to have a relationship with Chris's dad, which unfortunately has fallen short. from his dad's behalf. And it's something that we had to do to protect our children is put

boundaries in place. It wasn't for the one of not trying because we really tried, but they just kept letting them, well, we haven't, sorry, Chris's mum met Colby, but only had a very short relationship with him. And Chris's dad has been in and out of their lives. And me personally, I emotionally just couldn't take it anymore. I can't take someone just dropping in and dropping out of their life when they feel that it works best for them. I may be selfish.

I don't know, but I feel like it's a privilege to be in my child's life. It's a privilege for you to have a relationship with them, not just my children, with any children that if you have the privilege to be an auntie, a grandparent, a friend auntie,

a friend uncle, however your situation to somebody's child, that is so special, like so special, allowing friends into your children's lives is a massive deal for me, let alone family. So we made the decision

to not have them in the children's lives not because, well, to be fair, actually, it wasn't actually our decision. He just gave up. He gave up talking to us, communicating with us, popping around, even when invited. We tried, and it just fell short from that behalf.

So we were like, well, do you know, what, there's no bad blood. It's just not working out. We're trying, but we're not getting anything in return and to protect my children because there's nothing worse when your child turns around and says, oh, why don't we see that person anymore? Is it, is it because they don't, is it because they don't love us? I'll be damned if I'm having my child feel anything other than someone thinks the world of them. And that may be selfish, that may be wrong, but I just want to protect them. It's hard with grandparents though because you want that you probably ideally want

to have them in your children's life. I don't know. I think for me for my own personal experience my mum's grandma was in my life but I lost her just before my 10th birthday and then my dad's mum was also in my life but

my mum and dad didn't have a good relationship with my grandma like my mum didn't get along with my dad's mom so it was a relationship that was very much which it wasn't a very nice friendly family relationship. She never wanted to come round to my mum and dad's house. So we would only ever see her if we were to go around to her house.

And she had step-grandchildren, which she compared us. She compared us to her husband. She compared us to her husband's grandchildren. So they would have been her step-grandchildren. And she would compare us. And I just remember sitting in like a bedroom with my brother and my sister and being like, I don't know why she doesn't love us.

Like she loves Colin's grandchildren. Like she doesn't love us that much. And the things that we would say and together is a three, we never spoke to my mum and dad about it, but it's something me and my sister. You noticed it. And my brother talk about now to this day. And that's probably worse than like not having them in your life at all

because you're like, why do we not match up to the other? And we just questioned. We just questioned. Like, why are we not good enough? We don't get the good cups in the house because she told us that we were badly behaved. She told us that we were naughty children. and we didn't deserve to have those cars. I think if you, like, if you see that you can have, like in this situation,

if you see that you could have a good relationship with your grandparents or your children could have a good relationship with their grandparents, you would probably choose to have them in their life. Of course. But if you're going to have, like, the behaviour that's being displayed here and favouritism, then it's probably best not to. Coming from my own personal experience of also growing up with it and having it at the forefront of our family,

for me personally it just wasn't worth there. There is nothing worse. I felt like I personally was begging them to have a relationship with my children. I was begging them to want to be in my children's lives and I was the one actively going to them to see, oh do you want to see the children? Or do you want to come round today?

Oh no, sorry, I'm busy. I'm going to the garden and you'd be like, right, okay, I don't really know. I don't know what more I can do. And I felt like I was begging them to, want to see my children and I just wasn't prepared. Yeah, they shouldn't be like that. I wasn't prepared to do that. So me personally

because it's something so close to home I I'd speak to the brother and sister about it I'd speak to one the brother and sister to be like, have you noticed this as well or am I going crazy? Great idea and then take whatever information you have from that is then how you proceed forward as to

whether you go to the grandparents as well. Yeah. But I can hand in my heart say that I have never missed out and my children are surrounded by the most insane amount of love and that is, that's enough for me. That's enough for me. They have cousins that they have a wonderful relationship.

I have a phenomenal relationship with my sister and they have everything and all the love that they could ever ask for, you know? So to not have those grandparents in their lives is not doing us any harm. Yeah, you know. Yeah. I think sometimes on paper it looks nice or it would be nice or you see other. people with their grandparents and you think oh that would be so lovely for my children but I I never had it growing up and I think I sometimes get sad about it because I think oh I never had that growing up so

I would really want that for my children but I'm protecting them yeah and I'll be damned if I'm not going to stand by and protect my babies I don't need someone to stand in a party and go go you know this I wish I didn't have to come to this because I really don't like to make an effort what It seems really clear cut. Like I don't think it's just you. It seems like a really weird behaviour. Yeah, I would take it to the brother and sister. And I would also maybe wait until your baby is born

before having the conversation with the grandparents. Just because I think... Well, she's heavily pregnant. And I just think it's probably a lot of stress that you don't need. And even postpartum, like, it's going to be hard. I'd want my boundaries and place before the baby's born. Yeah. Because don't be coming around when I've just had my brand new newborn baby.

and you want to soak up the goodness of my brand new baby and be nice to me. And you're going to sack us off in a few years. Yeah. Yeah, it's a hard one. Yeah, but, you know, this is only our opinion and that's the only way we would ever, we would ever give any sort of advice is our opinion.

I personally would do it sooner rather than later. Yeah. Because I equally don't want them to have, to have that. Yeah. It's a really, really, having your baby is the most special thing that you're going to go through and to have that new new baby in this world, the most precious thing to you,

I just don't know that I would want them to oogle them, ogle up the goodies, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, their behaviour seems like, what they've been doing seems pretty clear cut. But I can see why, like, a healthy relationship with grandparents is something that you'd probably really want, but also a toxic relationship with grandparents is, you know, not worth it.

And that's the hard thing. That's what we had to do. We had to weigh up the pros and cons of, do we have them in their lives where they pick and choose as to when's good for them to see them? They don't really have a relationship with them. They don't know their sports or what they're interested in or their hobbies or anything. Or do I have, you know? Yeah.

Or do I have nothing? Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. It's a hard one. It's a tough one. I'm a bit of a wimp about confrontation. So I would probably just like hold off until.

or the baby's born and see what they're like with your baby. But so far as I just go in there, balls deep, take all the evidence to them. Me personally, but I think, because it's so close to home for me, because it is my reality. And I think we're on two very opposite sides of it as well. Like I'm lucky to have a good relationship with both my parents and my in-laws and they're involved in our children's lives. So I can't imagine not having that. And then you're on the other side of it.

So, yes. Yeah. It's a tricky one, but we're sending you all of our love. And we don't want you to think that this is not valid because this is very valid. And your feelings and emotions in all of this are so insanely valid. So we're sending you all of our love. And if anybody does have any advice or you have to experience it, yeah, then please do let us know because we would love to share that on. Yeah.

So thank you. Right. Let's have our last secret. All right. Hi, so for them. Hello. I'm an auntie to my best friend's little boy. and before he could talk properly, my fiancée Dan jokingly decided his title would be Uncle Mum.

All the adults called him that, but our nephew never actually said it. He'd just silently pointed Dan, which somehow made it even funnier. Then one day, all the adults were chatting and Dan wasn't paying attention. Our nephew kept trying to get his attention. Dan, Dan, Dan! Very Alan Partridge. When that didn't work, he completely lost patience and shouted, Uncle Mum, at full volume. Dan turned around instantly.

That was it. Uncle Mum was officially in the vocabulary. Now our gorgeous three-year-old nephew shouts, Uncle Mum! Every time he sees him in public with his whole chest. Uncle Mum has also somehow become his favourite person in the world, which Dan will never emotionally recover from. Watching strangers try to understand why a grown man is being enthusiastically called Uncle Mum

is one of life's greatest joys. Lots of love, Chloe, brackets, Auntie Coco. Oh my God, that's actually fucking adorable, isn't it? I love that he's like, Dan, Dan! Dan, oh God, here we go. Uncle Mom! And then Dan's like, what? What?

My guy. Can you imagine that feeling, though, in his heart when he hears that for the first time from like your favourite human in the whole entire world? And now he's his favoured person. What the hellie. Oh my gosh. That is adorable. This is like me when I used to try and get.

This is why we started calling my mum and dad their real names because when we tried to get their attention, they never listened. So we'd be like, Mom, Mom, Nicola! She'd be like, yeah? So it just stuck. And now they're just Stephen Nick. Sadie said Nick the other day. Did she?

The funny thing is they do call Stefan's dad Rich already, which is just his normal name. They don't call him like granddad or anything. So it's already like a bit of a thing in the family. But they call my mum and dad Nanny and Granddad. But they obviously heard it like being said. And the other day when my mum and dad were there, Sadie was just like, Nick.

So cash. Did your mum tell her out? Yeah, she was like, oh, she also picked up on what we're saying. I was like, they're listening to everything. They're little sponges But Uncle Mum is a lovely Nickname, isn't it? That's a really cute one

I won't like, that is adorable I just love that it makes no sense as well It makes no sense But it makes no sense But while making perfect sense Yeah, yeah Yeah It just makes sense to them

To that little boy That makes perfect sense Yeah, he's probably just like Why would you not be called Uncle Mum? Yeah And you know, the older that he gets There is going to be a phase Where like this is going to sound

Really, really weird So please nobody Nobody judge me, nobody question me. It is what it is, right? Okay, so don't judge me on what I'm about to say. James in our house, my brother-in-law, Uncle Jammies, has a very specific name that Colby and Dottie adore calling him.

His name is sexy Uncle Jammies, right? Okay, it's happened there, I've said it. It's not weird. Why have I never had this before? Don't make it weird. I don't know, but I don't want you to make it weird. But when Colby goes to school, he'll talk about, and dots sexy uncle jammies oh no i know i know i know and there's something i can do they greet him

at the front door hey sexy uncle jammies where did it come from i do i think james put an outfit on one day and he was like oh what do you think of sexy uncle jammies you know and it's just stuck oh no yeah and now there is a we bought james a present for his birthday and colby set an account up on it and he put it the account username as sexy uncle jammies so i was like you do you know that if you go on live and play with other users that are also online, your username is sexy Uncle Jammies. So I fear you. I feel like Uncle Mum may be a little bit, a little bit more. You know, when you're out in public and he's like, oh, sexy Uncle Jammies? And you're like, yeah. I love that Uncle Mum will probably just stick until he's like older, like when he's grown up.

Nine and seven. Be like, I'm just going to see Auntie Coco and Uncle Mum. Yes. God, I loved it so much. Thank you, Chloe, so, so much. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you been catfished when looking back at your newborn photos? Or have you also threatened your little ones with the Young Offenders Institute.

And let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. Oh!