Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Blow Off

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

There's a distinct whiff in the air because one of the ladies has BLOWN OFF. Not literally, but whilst searching for the best turn of phrase to describe releasing gas, they've stumbled across an old term their mum's used. Plus we've received intel from a listener about the hottest (and stinkiest) museum in town! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and welcome to your thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend shall we jump on in it's time for It's time for... Chorus. Another chorus. And it's gone. We pitched it way too high.

We went in too high. We went in high and dry. So, Emma, let's have number one. All right, this one says, Hi, Soph and Emma. I have a two-year-old and an eight-month-old. Wow, that is wild. What does that make the age gap?

I feel like that's 14 months just over wow that's that's small that's early on the itchy legs isn't it yeah wow that's similar to me and my sister actually 17 months between us yeah wow your mom and dad were at it quick yeah i wasn't planned oh says when i fell pregnant with my second skip over that bit i felt so nervous about what the transition to two children would be like thankfully Oh, it says, when I fell pregnant with my second, skip over that bit. I felt so nervous about what the transition to two children would be like. Thankfully, my girls absolutely love each other, but it was a bumpy ride. I wanted to reassure you, Emma, that even though my girls loved each other from the get-go,

my toddler still tried to hit my baby and poked her in the eye multiple times. I think it's partly curiosity and boundary testing of this new lump in the house. It's a roller coaster through all the different stages but it does get easier those things that seem daunting now become achievable eventually and watching your kids have siblings is the best thing all the best zoe from new zealand god bless you zoe thank you zoe god bless you zoe i've had some lovely dms after the last episode actually because after i spoke about joseph struggling to the transition of having a baby sister a lot of people with two children with a small age gap got in touch and said it gets easier my children are the best of friends now and I really feel like in the last few weeks we actually have turned a bit of a corner stop yeah I feel like it was really hard

for the first I'd say like four weeks I'll say four or five weeks yeah now i feel like just everything becomes a little bit easier every day like joseph's become more accepting of her he's more accepting of me feeding her he doesn't try and put my top back on when i'm feeding her he'll do sweet things like he'll cuddle squash her he's just paying her a bit more attention he tries to put her dummy back in to stop her crying little things like that and i just feel like when he's not kicking off at every little thing life just is so much easier like we can get out of the house without it being a battle he'll eat his meals without kicking off you just think little things like that it just makes life a bit easier so and you are always used to find when the days were good you're so much more

rewarding of that day like oh thank you jose good, you're so much more rewarding of that day. Like, oh, thank you, Joseph. Yeah, you're so much more appreciative of it. Because you're like, you could have made this a nightmare, but you've made life so much easier. You've actually smashed it today, dude. Yeah, and I'm proud of him. Yeah, I am. Don't, because I'm waiting for my period to come and I could just cry.

I know, and you're without your baby today, so you're a bit emotional. I am a little bit emotional today, I'm not going to lie. And I'm struggling at the moment to be able to talk about my emotions without people jumping the gun and telling me that I need to go and get myself seen by a doctor. That's a little bit of a sore subject at the moment. We're still dealing with the hormones, aren't we? Do you know what? Fun fact, I actually Googled this, and it takes two years after a baby

for your hormones to go back to normal. Is that right? And re-level out. Wow. Two years, two whole years. wow so i i'm an emotional person anyway yeah we know this you are yeah um and i cry a lot as as we know as we know um and yeah i'm just very sleep deprived yeah very head up my own ass yeah i'm also trying to juggle which is well i don't think not that i don't think people understand because that's wrong but what i don't think some people get is that i've we've got the after-school clubs i've got the other two that are going to school i'm also trying

to look after my own body my own mind to be the best version of myself so i'm trying to get out and do bits for myself have my own time as well as doing homework because dotty has homework colby's got homework raise a little tiny human yeah who's still navigating his way through his little life look after chrissy because that's basically my fourth child yeah you know to be fair he's actually doing great at the moment but you know there's a lot going on and i'm the full-time work yeah exactly and i'm the only one you know working at the moment this is we I feel like it's we're modeling a very very new aged fam yeah Chris is a modern family very modern yeah um so yes so I do apologize for the fact that I am I'm a little bit emotional emotional head up my ass erratic sleep deprived

fucking more mental than normal but I can assure you I'm great yeah i'm doing i'm fine i'm fine i don't know why my voice is like this but i'm fine you're crying enough for the both of us because i am dry yeah no one needs to know about your itchy legs have you tried it yet no oh i feel like you're gonna go back sooner than me because i feel like you we've had this discussion and the shop is shut less impact yeah well obviously i haven't had a vaginal birth and you've had three yeah so i see down there yeah no it's more just like time opportunity and time circumstance like i don't even know how i'm ever gonna have time ever again no i'm too busy no i'm double busy i'm never not with this baby i'm double booked no sorry

shop's closed the amount of people that also tell me that Chris is going to leave me now because of how I've let myself go. The door is open. He just keeps coming back. I lock it. He still comes back in. Still comes a knocking. I mean, what can I say? Take the hint.

I'm a fucking catch. But no, I love that. I completely agree. I was very lucky that they took but now i would say that the first bit was great for us but the second bit now now they're bigger they either have days where they insanely love each other or they really really really detest each other oh really um and they don't they're not fighters as in they slap hit or anything like that because i know there is children, siblings that have been like that. Like me growing up with my two siblings,

like when we used to go round to our friend's house and the children would be literally pulling lumps of air out of them. Oh yeah, we used to fight, me and my sisters, yeah. Which is wild because that never happened. But then I think Stefan, he never argued. He says he never did fight with his sisters, but I think he just forgets. I don't know siblings that didn't fight.

I didn't. Literally never, ever fought with my brother or my sister. But we are now going through a very much, I think Colby's going through a little bit of a hormone change. Oh, really? Because he's very, yeah, he's very emotional. He's very protective of himself in the sense of like he just don't take no shit from is there something

that happens when they're seven year old i think they do i think they have a little bit of a testosterone boost they have a little bit shifted their hormones but yeah it's um one of those things but i definitely do think it gets better yeah with time i hope they'll be friends yeah no it does it's getting easier it's getting easier every week, every day, every week. And I'm here for it. It's a good place to be, isn't it? Yeah. You seem a lot calmer about the situation now we're talking about. I do.

Me and Stefan the other day, like, had a moment of realisation. And we were like, do you know what? We're actually doing all right. You're fucking smashing it. They're both doing well. So question then, was it harder to go from the two of you to Joseph or the three of you to Sadie? I think... I find this such a fun fact

well zero to one obviously changes your life completely of course but then one to two it's like you're more chilled as parents and stuff because i think like you know what you're doing and it's like less of a upheaval but the change to the family dynamic i found quite stressful just like the adjustment to having two babies you've got to take in joseph's emotions and his process and that i agree with you on that one as much as it was colby was a really hard baby i actually found the transition maybe from yeah maybe from zero to one was harder it's bigger i found uh a lot yeah that's i like the way you've explained that that does that makes perfect sense yeah like you're more chilled with the second newborn.

Of course. You know what you're doing. But the amount it changes, like the family dynamic is crazy. The third one, fuck me. Yeah. I might as well be let down on the term. I'm horizontal. I've never been so chilled.

Yeah. He's going to be such a chill baby. He's just such an absolute little dream. He's a dream, isn't he? Oh God, I just love him. I'm just so glad that he's at home. But I got an update. He's not pooed. He's backed up backed up again he's still not pooed he's a bit backed up but any whoosie enough of me because we saved that for mondays let's um let's hit another one all right this one says ladies i've officially found the greatest tourist attraction for you

fuck off a poo museum on the isle of wight. Get. Should we arrange a mum meet? Holy shit. Holy macaroni. Secret mum club on tour. That was my bum. Get down with the trumpet. Yeah, yeah. That's near you, isn't it?

Isle of Wight? Quite near you? I have to get a boat there. Yeah, yeah. It's the right side of the world. Isn't it? I think it's the closest to me. Like, you can't get to the Isle of Wight from here, can you?

I'd have to come to Southampton. Or Portsmouth. You can actually go from Portsmouth over to the Isle of Wight. Wow. This says, here's a few lines from their website. Hit me. A world of waste awaits. Our collection contains pooey artefacts from across the world

and the history of life on Earth. We want you to explore the world's stickiest subject with us. Our aim is to change how you think about this most astonishing substance. Get hands-on with our subject of choice in a way that's safe and fascinating you can even polish a turd from carleen wow thanks carly what i need to know carleen is at what point did you stumble across this why do you know about this do you live on the isle of white don't tell us that's a really fucking scary thing to tell people because the internet's full of weirdos do you love poo do you love poo did you google poo museums how did you stumble across these artifacts is what i need to know i think i'm okay with talking about my poo i just don't think i want to see yours someone else's yeah also i don't know how much history

can we go into and how old are these fossilized poos? Right. I think we should just do a mum meet. As much as I'm a little bit freaked out by it, I think we need to go and check out the poo artifacts. What is it going to be? Like a dinosaur poo? I don't like the line, get hands on with our subject of choice.

No, thank you. I don't want to touch it. It depends whose it is. Yeah. If it's a cow, would you touch it? No. Joseph would. Would he? Loves everything cow related. I don't think he loves a manoa Yeah. If it's a cow, would you touch it? No. Joseph would. Would he?

Loves everything cow related. I don't think he loves a manure though. Is it manure? Cow pat, isn't it? Cow pat. What's manure? Horse. Horse poop.

People put manure on their plants, don't they? Yeah, it's really good for your garden. I wonder if I shot my plants it would work. They're fake. Thanks, Carlene. Thank you, Carlene. That'll be our next... I'll see you there.

Live from location yeah we're doing actually a live studio record from the poo museum the pooseum as they as they say a night at the pooseum we should do a lock-in we could get the man involved what was his name who the man that did the night at the museum. Ben Stiller? Yes! Yes! Hey, I knew something from a film.

Woo-hoo-hoo! So thank you so much for your messages. We're off to plan a trip now to the Isle of Wight. If you have any comments, thoughts, or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us, hello at secretmumpod. or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next, it's time for one of your secrets. Welcome back, bitches.

Bitches. Welcome back, bros and hoes what's that yours ad that's me what's it your throat you throat farted i'm very burpy today oh joseph the other day oh just a side note he um farted he was in his high chair and he goes oh no poo poo and i was like oh have you done a poo that's okay i changed your nappy and it was a fart and he goes no i got a burp oh that is absolutely how cute i nearly cried and he didn't burp he actually farted he farted but he didn't know what to call it he called it a poo poo and a burp that's absolutely adorable i know that is too much i got a burp oh my god i just love it someone finds joseph protecting i know protecting at all costs on that note though i do want to know

what people call farts with their children because i feel like fart is a bit of an aggressive word it's always a trumpet i've been going with trump but it reminds me of Donald Trump. He is basically a fart. A shit. I feel like farts are too aggressive for a baby. To be honest, you really fucked me off and it wasn't COVID, was it? Who am I thinking of?

Boris Johnson. God, they look so similar, don't they? With their toupees. They're the same. Same person. Are they both wearing toupees? But yeah. Hello, Boris, if you want.

Farts, burps. Let me know what you call them. We are, yeah, that's why we're always down with the trumpets. Because when the babies used to fart, we used to get down used to get down i might do trumpets i don't really like the word fart i don't know i feel like farts a bit like that really bad word the c words you know fart well we used to call it the four letter f word in our house growing up and we weren't allowed to say fart what a fuck no we that's that's you used to call your fart a fuck no

we used to call it a four letter F word. Because it was naughty to say. We weren't allowed to say it. A four letter F word is fuck? Yes. But that's how we used to describe farts. We weren't allowed to say it. So you used to call your fart a four letter F word.

So basically if you went, oh, I'm just having a four letter F word. And people would be like, oh, you're having a fuck. No. What? What the fuck? Literally, what in the four letter F word word it was the four letter f word we weren't allowed to say fuck yeah we're allowed to say fuck i'm so confused so you it wasn't fuck but it was fuck we weren't allowed to say fuck or fart or any four letter f words

i don't know how many there are that are bad that you can't say fucking fart fart wow so people just used to go and you go oh sorry about my four letter f word no we actually used to call it a blow off fun fact that's what my mom It sounds like she's stupid. Oh no, she's gone. She's wet herself. There has been so many car journeys where my mother would say, which one of these blown off? Stop blowing off.

Open the windows, Christopher. One of the bloody kids has blown off. Oh, no. She's pissed herself. Oh, God. But I don't want that word for my kids. What? I want a different one.

Oh, she just wants fuck. Which one of you fucks back there? I don't like fart. I don't like blow off. So give me your alternatives. Oh dear. We digress. Are we back with the secret now? Welcome back.

Sorry about that. Don't say fuck or bugger. So Emma, what have you got for us today? All right. This comes from another Zoe. She says, hello, lovely ladies. I'm currently nine weeks pregnant with my first baby. Oh, congratulations.

Sadly, the morning sickness is a killer. I seem to have it at all hours with no rhyme or reason. I also seem to wee a lot when I'm sick. So there's a lot of washing of clothes, even if I wear a pad for safety. Oh, God bless. You know all about that. Piss myself today.

I'm just letting it dry live live and direct the other night i felt my nausea getting bad and i was halfway up the stairs i got into the bathroom and did the only thing i could think of i took off my pjs and got onto all fours in the bath my theory was i could be sick down the plug hole and if i wet myself i was in a safe space color Colour me surprised. It worked. Colour me surprised. Lo and behold, it worked. Oh, God bless her.

Oh, bless you, Zoe. Oh, crumbs. That sounds like the sort of thing you would do. To be fair, I think that was quite genius. That's very on brand for you. I'm actually in my hay fever era and my hay fever mixed with a brand new birth vagina is not...

The sneeze is not working out for you. It's not working out for me. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm also in an era where I'm just holding, testing my camel bladder. Yeah. I like to see how much my bladder can hold for the day, work my pelvic all day long.

You're normally pretty good at holding it in, but it's like a sudden thing, like a laugh or a sneeze. Yeah, it's just an unexpected... Or Chris made me laugh on the school run the other day on the way back from the school run so fucking hard i just pissed myself in the road fully fully pissed myself a bit like a bridesmaid moment you know and it's it's happening it's happening i just luckily we weren't too far from home oh thank god i pissed my pants yeah yeah and then the children were absolutely hysterical that i was just walking back with wet damp trousers i couldn't help it it was fucking hilarious i don't even know what we were laughing what he was saying oh i died it was funny thank god i didn't have any vaginal bursts because i'd be wrecked my bladder is weak

as it is yeah you have got a um like a little haven't you? Yeah, nap ladder. That's what they call it, yeah. Nap ladder. Mine's a bit like the Nile. Gaping vagina. Good for you, Zoe. I'm glad it works. Yeah, but honestly, don't... I was going to say, don't...

Don't blow off. What were you going to say? I'm going to wet voice. Speaking of, I'm going to adopt blow off just for the amount that it makes you laugh. Because every time I talk about it, it's going to get this reaction, which is priceless. is going to get this reaction, which is priceless. I was going to say,

don't, don't worry about it. This is all, this is all normal things to be happening to you. It is. Don't feel ashamed. Just know that I, you know,

I've done random shit with glow sticks to my poo. So nothing here is of a shock to us no and i love your unbelievable techers it's all normal yeah that is incredible i hope your sickness wears off soon as well because it is i'm sorry i feel like i'm laughing at you so i'm not no we're we're in this solidarity together it's just the blow off the blow off is too much in this episode the episode's been ruined by the blow off. The blow off is too much in this episode. The episode's been ruined by the blow off. So if you emptied your stomach and bladder in the bath together at the same time,

then do let us know. You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Monday. And we'll have more of your messages on our

next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!