Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Blowout

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

It's official... Baby life is in full swing and each day is blurring into the next for the ladies! But there's still plenty to chat about including a huge milk update from Soph, a very touching story about bonding with grandparents (get the tissues ready), Dads helping Dads in the loo and an unfortunate blowout in the park. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horror is about. This spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No, you won't. After dark.

And with that, the curtain falls on the story of Anne Boleyn. The Red Room. Exploring Irish ghost stories and haunted Irish history. Listen to these ACAST shows wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina.

And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly.

All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club! Tell me about your week. Tell me about your week. me about your week tell me about it baby i don't really know what's been going on my head is so far rammed up my bum hole is yours it's just hard to remember stuff isn't it i can't remember anything i don't even know what i did an hour ago i did i was on a stuffy fucking train yeah and i stood up the whole way from southampton from southampton train strikes today haven't we yeah a bit of a nightmare getting in do you know what my actually claim to fame in life go on someone asked me today if i work for national rail because i knew so much about the trains i honestly thought my sister was gonna let herself she was like i've never ever in my life ever thought anyone would question your

job but think that your job profession yeah is national rail looking at you today you don't look like you work for national Rail. You should never judge, but that's how fuming he is about it. How dare you think about his mum. Renly disagrees. He is just like, bitch, she could be on National Rail. You look too fun.

Don't. I'm a fun mum. I'm not like other mums. I'm a fun mum. I'm not like a regular employee. I'm a cool employee. Yeah, I was just trying to think then what happened in my week.

Yeah. Have we been anywhere? Did we go anywhere? Did we do anything? I don don't know i don't think i've even updated my i've had some time off socials to be honest yeah you've been quiet are you still doing your running couch to 5k fucked my knee didn't i really hurt my knee like really bad so i've been walking though walk to my sister's house that's a that was a good thing to do yeah me about two hours this watch is pissing me off it's maddie she's in the studio with me and she's messaging my watch so let's maddie crummies i feel like the week's been a lot yeah the last two weeks have been a lot i haven't really been putting anything on my socials and it's not really

anything bad i'm just a little bit overwhelmed it's weird that even i don't know what you're up to because obviously normally i'm stalking your instagram stories baby reindeer yeah well fucking hell that's what that's what you did in last week watch baby rain i did watch baby reindeer but you're i feel like you're you're stalking me you're her i'm martha follow me along the canal oh another thing for me we're back on normal milk are you yes we fucking are that didn't last very long we did the gaviscon for five days recommendation from the doctor so we did gaviscon with the neocate gaviscon's for heartburn yeah because he's refluxing all right okay so they gave us gaviscon with the neocate formula so we did that for five days nothing really changed and he was still being really sick on the neocate so our doctor we can't mention any names but what a wonderful man um after the other traumatic second doctor

that we saw um said you know what let's strip it right back and let's go straight back to the milk so we stripped it back went back to the cow's milk instantly diarrhea so he was like right let's get off of that the tender milk well she Sadie's on tender milk, so I'll be... It's really, really hard. I found it, and I'm only speaking from my own personal experience and from reviews I've read, is that people have said how much of a heavy milk... The only way I can tell you the difference between the milk

is when you put it in the milk, the prep machine, or to sterilise the powder, it's a really hard milk to break down in the water. It takes a lot of stirring and a lot of mixing, and it's a really hard milk to break down in the water it takes a lot of stirring a lot of mixing and it's really clumpy so to me it's a heavy formula i think it seems quite like rich and it's really rich really frothy yeah again with refluxy babies or even spit up babies even babies that are a little bit sicky kendamil i would say is not the milk because it's so frothy and so gassy it It just adds fuck loads of wind into them.

Well, interesting. She seems all right on it at the moment. Wow. But she is very windy. But then I don't know if that can be the formula because she's only having one bottle of formula a day. Was she windy on the... I don't question the one bottle thing because I just... Well, that's all it takes.

Really? Well, she's windy. I think she's windy on the... I think she's windy in general. She's windy on the boob as well. I was going to say, babies tend to be wendy but wendy who the fuck is wendy wendy but i we've gone to hip organic oh have you and i'm not gonna lie touch wood we keep having to say the reverse so he's doing really bad really really bad you don't jinx it like his

bat poos are like peanut butter and he's sleeping for nine hours like so fucking bad shut up he's not sleeping for nine hours yeah no he is sleeping night yeah you're joking nine hours with nine hours sometimes it's nine sometimes it's six just depending on how he's going even if i had six unbroken hours now i feel like a new woman he goes down at eight tends to wake up at about between two and four and then he's back again I have to wake him up I have to wake him up for the school run so inconvenient bloody hell I don't want to say I've got it I've got it really bad at the moment but I just it's nice for him to be settled because we've had a lot yeah so still on the cow's milk but just a different brand yeah we've gone to a completely

different brand I I weirdly googled way too many properties of formula i was googling sma kendamil aptamil cow and gate hip organic and i was reading all the ingredients i actually listed what ones have what the same so i calculated that kendamil and aptamil are the most similar okay this is my own research it was i'm sleep deprived so just let a girl fucking be you've got too much time on your hands and then cow and gate then next fell okay no sorry it was sma kendamil aptamil are very similar the next one was cow and gate and then the least was hip organic so the least similar ones you thought try that yeah the one that's completely far out there was Hipporganic. And here we are.

Look at him. And every time you bring him here, he just sleeps. What a dream baby. Hey, you can't say shit like that because then you put a bad omen on it. Seriously, though, last time he did sleep the whole time for like three and a half hours. He did. And I even gone back to the hotel. And he still didn't wake up.

I texted you, didn't I? I sent you a picture of him on the sling on the bed. It's these bottle fed babies honestly i do i would say as much as boob is convenient i would say booby babies are need a little bit more don't they yeah because they're more cluster am i wrong for saying like i just have to feed in the right thing it might not be the same for everyone but i think in general they feed more little and often yes but then at least you can like you don't really have to be prepared like you can just obviously do that wherever and whenever, wherever you are. Just pop the boob out.

The only thing that does bother me is I wish they were clear. So you could just see how much milk you're distributing. I know. Or you could see, I wish you could like see it go into the baby. Yeah. So like even, how many mils?

I think there'll be something. Yeah. I think in years to come, there's going to be something. You can be just like a pouch of a Teletubby. Just lift it down and be like, oh, baby's great.

Yeah. Drop it back up without seeing all like your, your intestines stuff you know i don't see no poo yeah yeah just show me the pretty baby shut that back up same with the boobs if they could just go transparent yeah and then just that'd be ideal yeah ideal with a little gauge on the side well you can still can feel. Have a meal. Or OZ. You can feel how full they are. Can you? But obviously it's not scientific. It's just a feeling. You know? I just felt, they just felt hard.

Yeah, they do. And what's weird is like when she starts feeding on one side, you feel like the rush of milk coming into the thing. We're just fucking, we're just surviving. How's your week been? We've just gone full in chat mode. My only chat is boob chat these days. I feel like the only chat, I'm spitting so much today.

I'm so salivated. I feel like it's just a lot of baby. It just consumes your life. It does consume your life. There's nothing else going on. I have lost myself a little bit to just being, oh, is that Renly's mum? Yeah. So I got past that a little bit and I was like, oh, dip my toe into the old, Safina,

I follow you on TikTok, Safina. I love your podcast. Had a couple of years of that and now it's like, oh. Just Renly's mum. I really love Renly. Are you Renly's mum? How's Renly doing? No one will know.

No one will know about me. Don't want to be selfish or anything it's not like he's new here you know but yeah that's pretty much my week I'm just surviving so I haven't really been

on my socials just because I'm a little bit overwhelmed but not that I'm overwhelmed that I'm sad overwhelmed I'm overwhelmed that I feel very lucky and I'm just trying

to absorb it like I feel like he's grown so fucking quick they're getting so big aren't they what the fuck we were talking about their weigh-ins this morning

yep he's now 10 10.8 she's 10.2 literally they're getting so big aren't they what the fuck we're talking about their weigh-ins this morning yeah he's now 10 8 she's 10 2 literally they're gonna be getting a mortgage next week i can't believe it we'll be marrying them off we're in double figures already we're nearly out of the one month baby grows no we're still in the rendy's quite short yeah she's around she's long i think she got measured on the 75th centile for height this week. So she's quite tall. Oh, Renly's 91. 90th, 91. Oh, he's tall then. Yeah, but he's still in 0-1. No, we're going to go into the 0-3s.

He's giving Mike Wazowski vibes. He's very round with little legs. Rotund. We're doing good with our head, though. We're having a lot of tummy time. I'm basically just putting my phone down and absorbing everything. Because Dottie's getting homework. Colby's getting homework. Renly's having tummy time i'm basically just putting my phone down and absorbing everything because dotty's done getting homework colby's getting homework renly's having tummy time the sun is shining i'm out walking like i literally have 30 legs i can't feel my body i'm in that

much pain i'm numb either that or i just need a knee replacement because my knees fucked i'm hobbling along so yeah that's not good for your marathon hopes i'm gonna dodge i've still got i've still got like 12 months because we did commit last week for you doing the marathon in 2025 with roxanne with roxanne your sister she's basically running every day i don't even know how far she runs we have to rehab your knee before then try to make me go to rehab and that's it oh that's another one i really want to see do you want to see the amy film yeah apparently she's it. Oh, that's another one I really want to see. Do you want to see that one? The Amy film. Yeah.

Apparently she's amazing, the girl in it. She sings all the songs. Stop. Herself, yeah. I know. It's in the cinema, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, I have to illegally download that.

I was going to say, I have to go to the cinema. When the hell do I have time to go to the cinema? Yeah. I don't go out. I can't leave the house. I could maybe go to a baby screening did you ever do that with colby no not with colby most definitely not i just said to roxanne on the train she goes i guess i wouldn't have done this with colby when he was six weeks or eight weeks old and then she

was like no not even six months probably would do it with him now when he's seven it blesses her he was he was a he was a difficult baby but yeah no i don't think i would i've just got too much to do yeah i've got and i thought you know four was busy five's a busy house yeah it's a lot of washing oh my god don't even i can't even imagine what yours is like mine's off the chart and they just keep changing that i'm do you know what the most thing i'm excited about summer coming is just that they'll be naked in the garden, just in their pants or their swimsuits all the time. At my sister's, pants or swimsuits. Let's go to auntie's in our pants or swimsuit.

Yeah. And then that's minimal washing. Well, we're going to be toilet party training probably in the summer. So naked babies. Naked babies, yeah. Naked and nappy. Yeah. Honestly, no washing.

I don't want to see my laundry basket. I'm going to padlock it. And I don't want to see my laundry basket I'm going to padlock it and I don't want to see it until October yeah exactly so Emma and I really want to hear from you

yeah we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about

or just say hello hello you were delayed and we're not even we're in the studio i was trying to recreate the at home echo no you wasn't you just wasn't concentrating i'm too busy staring at my baby stop looking at your beautiful baby sorry i know i know i should be bored of her by

now you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search secret mom pod or you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com it's time to hit up are you ready do you need a countdown three two one correspondence caller so emma hit us with number one i'm gonna reach for my tea if you don't mind yeah sorry my tea must be going cold at least it's not prosecco at least we're not smashed this week i know we've got to rein it back in honestly i've been drinking every day all right this one says hello after hearing about paul renly's spout of constipation a memory of my now four month old son came flooding back it'd been a good seven days since my then three week old little boy had pooed i had read somewhere

that a breast milk bath can help so i filled the bath added in a few ounces of milk and gave evan his bath fast forward 12 hours and with no success i headed off for a walk with him in his carrier after half an hour i started to feel some slight vibrations coming from him then all of a sudden there was an eruption like no other to the point i thought my own ass had just fallen out i glanced down to see the relief on his face as well as a slight yellow tint to the grove to my left hip and breast. Blimey, how big was the shit? I had no changing bag with me.

So I continued on my walk thinking no more about it. Once home, I lifted him out to see that he had sharted with so much pressure that I had poo all down my left trouser leg and it was covering his entire back no wonder i got some funny looks next time i know to stay home after a breast milk bath lauren and evan from chirk north wales wow the force of it was down her trouser leg and up to her breast so he didn't drink the milk in the bath no it just went on him he just led on it i've never heard of that also i always think when people say a milk bath, I always imagine people caressing their boobs over the bath. And I imagine.

Like a tap to fill it up. And I imagine the whole bath is milk. Yeah. But it's just a few drops. Yeah, I imagine the whole bath and that the mummy has just milked her. Squeezing it in. Milked her boobies over the bath. Because imagine how much milk you need to fill a whole bath.

God, you need to fill a whole bath. You need a cow. Bring the whole cow in. Bring the whole dairy farm. I think it's just a little dabble in the water i put some in i've been rubbing it on renly's face found some in the freezer just spat again am i all right are you okay hon no my teeth are teeth are teeth and um i put some on his face that's yeah the freezer the yellow one as well colostrum yeah yeah i've been rubbing it on his face well i don't have any colostrum left because the pissing hospital do you want some of mine i wonder if it works the same on

it must do on a on a different is that weird if i just give you some of my defrosted boob milk it's like wet nurses they used to breastfeed other people's babies didn't they maybe it's one of those things you know when someone you see the girls you go for a wee in the toilet you just forget your friend's vagina don't you don't don't think about it yeah it's like give you the boob milk yeah don't ever think about it don't question it no no just don't put it in their mouth i don't know i did the same on her milk spots because she was having a really spotty yeah what just take it straight off the nip and yeah i do and also she had a snuffly nose the other day does it work on you i don't i don't know actually But it is a miracle worker because her skin...

Hello, get a look at that. Doesn't it look good? Much clearer now. I can't zoom in. Sorry, I'm not on camera. Camera three. Can we get a close-up on Sadie? Just look at how clear her skin is.

That was my milk. And I did put some up her nose because she was a bit snuffly. I just wanted to say no one in the studio moved. Everyone just sat. No one's on the the camera so just plopped up everyone else is like stop talking about your fucking breast milk or stop talking about your babies but that was a that there you go then to breast milk it works wow i don't think putting formula in the bar would have the same effect no i don't you had the opposite problem you need to clog him up a bit he's doing great now though yeah he's all right now isn't he he's doing good good little heart well i'm pleased for you lauren and evan from north wales i'm pleased for you i hope it didn't smell it should just be that yellowy like you know that yellowy

boobie as well right from her legs to her boobs from the bottom to the top i said my mama she told me don't worry is that the same song yeah megan trainer do you know who's married to that man from spy kids who megan trainer's married to the man from spy kids who's the man from spy kids look you know i haven't seen any films sorry you forgot you lived under a rock i don't know who anyone is. Growing up. You're going to have to Google it when you get home. It literally...

Is he the kid? He's the boy with the curly hair. The kid from Spy Kids? Yeah. Now married to Meghan Trainor? Yeah. And they had two children, I think. Yeah.

I think they're trying for the third one. I don't know where I saw that. Did they try to do that? Yeah. She texted me the other day. Me old Megs. We're like that. We're tight. Right. Here's some number two. right this one says hello so for never thinking back to the episode where you spoke

about being exposed in front of family whilst you're breastfeeding i wanted to share a bittersweet story myself my daughter was around nine months old and we regularly visited my grandparents house i've never been shy about feeding her however my granddad is very old fashioned and out of respect he used to leave the room when it came to my daughter having a feed on this particular day i told my granddad that i was perfectly comfortable with him being in the same room to my surprise he came to sit next to me while she fed and watched in utter awe he commented on how happy and content we both looked and stroked her head while she suckled away sleeping i treasure this day with all of my hearts two weeks later unfortunately he unexpectedly passed away and this day was the last time he saw my daughter oh lots of love chloe from whole oh oh no no one the where was the warning of that i know

but that needed a trigger warning oh my fucking god are you okay no that got you didn't it oh i wasn't expecting that chloe i bet you're glad you asked him to stay in the room that day what a nice memory oh my god that is so incredibly sad at least oh and like he held on just to see her oh my god oh don't stop it oh what a lovely thing to remember though and yeah that what a lovely memory. Are you all right? I've got a watery eye. Have you got something in there? Watery but not.

Have you got hay fever? It's you triggering me. Oh God. Chloe, we weren't ready for that. We weren't ready for that. But that's a lovely memory. A memory to cherish. Oh, and he said, aw, I just can't,

I can't keep talking about it. Oh, bless her heart. I just can't deal with granddads as well. They're too cute. Imagine my granddad doing that. Oh, your granddad or your dada's granddad? My granddad. I think she means her granddad.

Have you still got your granddad? She means her granddad, yeah. Have you? Yeah. He's 88. That's absolutely phenomenal. I know. He's my only remaining grandparent and he's amazing for his age as well. I think he's going to live to absolutely phenomenal. I know, he's my only remaining grandparent

and he's amazing for his age as well. I think he's going to live to his 100. Stop it. Yeah. How is he with the babies? Yeah, he's really good with kids. He used to foster kids, so he's had loads of babies in his house.

So he's really good with them. Oh my God, this is too much. Yeah, I know. Someone get some tissues up in this joint. I can't handle this. I know. Oh, crumbs. Well, that was too much. we need a minute hold on i've

got wet eyeball fucking hell the hormones still aren't very good i spoke to her about those yesterday oh did you yeah she was like give yourself some credit it's only been eight weeks it's not been long yeah it's been eight weeks that's a long time no but you're still not it's like your years to get back to normal if you ever do i don't think i was ever normal before i fell pregnant to be honest so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horror is about this spooky season Here's a show that we recommend. After dark. And with that, the curtain falls on the story of Anne Boleyn. The Red Room. Exploring Irish ghost stories and haunted Irish history. Listen to these ACAST shows wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com This is the Secret Mum Club.

The safe space to share our secrets. And here's my secret this week. It's technically not mine. It's Chrissy's. Oh, well you are as one really one in the same one in a million we are one in a million do you know that song no s club seven fuck off you're lying don't you remember i think it's actually two in a million yeah no you're lying no i'm just an s club super fan i even went with my sister once my mum

my mum actually funny story before we get on to the secret my mum put me and my sister on a coach to london by ourselves am i having an epiphany did this really happen yes we did we went to london to watch s club seven when you were how old i think i was about 11 so like an 11 year old and a 13 year old no word of a lie and my mum put us on a coach down at southampton by red funnel on a coach to london on our own to watch s club seven that was the 90s um but yeah my secret this week isn't actually my secret go on something wonderful happened we went to the zoo didn't we yeah and i forgot to share this when renny was asleep the whole time yeah and colby questioned us why we took him to the zoo yeah didn't we? Yeah. And I forgot to share this with you. When Rennie was asleep the whole time. Yeah, Rennie and Colby questioned us

why we took him to the zoo when he slept the whole time. Fair point. I mean, you know. I've never actually seen him awake. I don't think you have. All he does is sleep. He was awake on my TikTok the other day.

Did you see on my Instagram? I'm not on TikTok. It was my grandma. I re-shared it for you. Oh. On Instagram Reels. Oh, I did see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But Rennie in the suitcase. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Ronnie and the suitcase. Yeah. Yeah, that one. Johnny Cash. So I was there. We were just enjoying our lunch in the food court that we queued hours for. It was so long. But I said to Chris, we've got to go in because I need to feed Renly.

So we went in. I was holding, I was doing the typical mum where you've got to, you know, cut with one hand and then put the knife down and fork. Everything one hand is. Because you're holding the baby. So Chris said, I said, oh, he's had a poo. So Chris said, don't worry. I'll take him to the toilet. one hand and then put the knife down and everything one hand because you're holding the baby um so chris said oh i said always had a poo so chris i don't worry i'll take him to the toilet you finish eating your lunch and i was like oh no it's okay because there's no changing there's a baby change

in the men's toilets at marwell zoo fabulous kudos to marwell zoo yeah i love that because normally it's always down to the mums isn't it yeah always down to mum he's always the disabled lou that you've got to go into isn't it it's never normally in the men's actual toilet so chris went into the men's toilets didn't know how i feel about it but you know i'm rolling with it so chris went in um come out he was in there for a bit of time nothing you know untowards come out the toilet was really flustered and i was like oh my god at least the baby's not naked that's the the one thing that i always think is as long as he doesn't come out naked or the baby comes out like i always think all else fails just take your top off you come out naked don't bring the baby out naked you know so i um and i thought i didn't tell him there was

a change of outfit in there in case he did because this was the whole constipation diarrhea the explosions yeah so chris come out bright red sat down at the table and he's like, something's happened but we can't talk about it until we leave. And I was like, okay, not to worry. So we kind of finished lunch, walked out and Chris was like, you're never going to believe what happened. And I was like, what happened? He was like, I was changing Renly. He started taking a wee.

So instead of getting it on his outfit, and I was like, there was a change of outfit in the bag and I forgot to tell you. He was like, no, it's fine. I didn't get it on there. But I had to push his willy and angle his willy so that the wee missed him and went over the changing table.

He said he went on for so long. So Chris just stood there holding our son's willy on the changing mat while the wee, the man behind waiting for the changing table went underneath the changing table. So don't worry, I'll clear it up so no one slips on it redley started pissing again so chris angled the willy and he's like i couldn't see if it hit his rucksack or what was going on it all happened so fast and i didn't know what to do and he just said god bless this man had cleaned up all renly's week oh i love that

but how adorable that the men just came together in the changing brotherhood absolute brotherhood and they just readily pissed on this man they probably god bless the man doesn't untoward of whether or not our son had pissed on his rucksack but how sweet is that though genius from chris as well like a hose when you put like a kink in a hose rested rested as willy and i wondered you know when you're like god he didn't he's taken a long time he said yeah i cleaned up all the poo and then went to put the new nappy on and he said then the wee started coming i didn't know what to do just shut the nappy yeah that's what i would do i would never have thought of maybe didn't have the nappy on but he said it all just happened so fast was that when his first piss

up the wall yeah yeah oh wow we had our first wee in the bath though the other day as well oh yeah we have yeah a few of those we haven't i haven't i think it's a girl thing dots used to wee in the bath all the time. Well, no, I was thinking with Joseph. I know he's older, obviously, but he'll stand up now and wee in the bath because he's like noticing that wee comes out of his willy. Yeah, because obviously when you're weeing and nappy all the time.

You don't know. You don't know that. Now sometimes, I think I encourage it though because I want him to know for potty training. I feel like that helps little boys wee when they're out because once they are learning where the wee comes from, it's easier for them to stand in a bush and yeah yeah whereas colby would never ever stand up and have a wee so i used to hold him like a girl like cut put his legs over my arm so he was sitting down so he'd have a sit down yeah yeah yeah i'm all for the sit down wee when they're

a bit older it's cleaner isn't it yes yeah everywhere the boys well when they're out colby stands up but when he's home he sits down yeah same as chris he sits down at home yeah wheeze while he's out stood up yeah because i wouldn't not in it so i just think chris is too far away you're too fucking far away from the toilet like either get closer scooch down on your knees or something get close on your knees yeah he's too far away there's everywhere. I don't want to clean that up. Sit down. He's too tall.

He says he's too lazy anyway. He'd rather have a sit down with than a stand up. Yeah, yeah. But I always feel like it must be a long way down. Like the altitude. Is it altitude? Must change. Altitude.

Altitude must change. I always ask, do you go light headed on the toilet? It's a long way, isn't it? Long way down. But yeah, that was my sequence. I love that for Chris. I thought that was quite good. And let's get more change in men's toilets.

He did say to me, don't go on the podcast and tell anybody in case Rennie did piss on the man's rucksack. And I was like, look. What can you do? What can you do? It happens. He doesn't listen. Yeah, he won't know.

He ain't got a fucking clue. Unless anyone makes a clip out of it and it becomes a... Yeah. And it goes viral on TikTok. I'll tag him in it. Someone will message him and go, Chris. I got lots of messages. I went through my message box.

I did get lots of messages about the baby reindeer. Did you? About Chris. Yeah. It's a bit unfair on Chris, I think. Because that guy looked pretty rough. He looked sad. He was going through a lot. He was going through a lot. He looked sad, didn't he? He was going through a lot.

He was going through a lot. He looked quite exhausted and sad. Yeah. And all them drugs. I know. He did a lot of drugs. He did a lot of drugs. Made me very scared.

Yeah. And then when he started trying climbing out the room. Oh, no. It traumatised me a bit, I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Yeah. Scared me just a slight. Yeah.

Slight, Dad. More than salt burn? I don't know. It's up there. My sister and my brother-in-law told me not to watch it, didn't they? Told me, don't. Yeah. Slight, Dad. More than salt burn? I don't know. It's up there. My sister and my brother-in-law told me not to watch it, didn't they? Told me, don't watch it. They did warn you.

My brother-in-law literally said, do not watch this. Tell me that and I'm going to watch it. Yeah, I know. You should say watch it. Don't push the red button. Watch it, it's really good. And now I'll be like,

oh, Roxanne said it's good, I won't watch it. Talking of Chrissy, we've only got a few weeks until Father's Day. And because we love celebrating both the mummies and daddies in the secret mum club we want you to send in your messages and secrets all about your father figures so if you have something you want to say or if you fancy

outing them for getting piss on a stranger's backpack drop us a line email us on hello at secretmumpod.com or you can message us on Instagram. Anywho, it's time to hear your secrets. Emma, hit us with number one. Hi, Soph and Emma. This is the most embarrassing story with my five-year-old son. He has autism, so it took a little longer to potty train. One day we were out and I took him to the toilet. He had finished his business and I needed to go myself.

Midstream, he decided to open the cubicle door for the queue of ladies to see my flange. I love that word. To make matters worse, I panicked and tried to get up to close the door, but I couldn't stop the stream. So I ended up with pee trickling down my leg. To add salt to injury, he then proclaims, Uh, mum. Oh, God. Are you going for a shit?

Mortified, Louise from Kent. Are you going for a shit? Mortified? Louise from Kent. Are you going? That is the word that, honestly, the fear that runs through me when they go for the door. It's like slow motion. No. No. Don't. And then you.

I've pissed on myself many a time. That's why you should practice stopping mid-flow. Can you do that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was practicing then, but i'm not peeing imagine doing it now like you're tight in your pelvic floor would you would you know we're sat just clenching our fufus you'd never know every woman you imagine all the women that you see just and i

always look at women i think you're clenching your flange your flange i can tell clenching your fufu yeah i feel like you get like a look on your face like a yeah like a concentration yeah i was doing that a lot when i was pregnant just like in public because you're meant to train your pelvic floor i didn't i didn't i'm not tightening up the muscles of my fufu when i'm about to push a baby out i was having a cesarean but i was just trying to stop myself glad you've got great great tidy vagina my flange is just fine but i was doing a lot of squeezing in public my flange isn't okay squeezing the flange squeeze the flange just just fine but i was doing a lot of squeezing in public my flange isn't okay you're squeezing the flange squeeze the flange just on the bus on the train they tell you to

do it when you're having sex don't they squeeze it squeeze it while you're on it do they we won't know well we have to do that every time have you ever done it three times and never again oh louise well that was a good one. Yeah. I feel like I've pissed on myself a lot. I'm sorry that happened to you. Also, back at Kebab Shop, I've pissed on myself a lot. Oh, I've weeded plenty in public.

Has Colby Adosh ever opened the door on you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's happened to everybody. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't feel like there's ever been anybody there.

Oh, no. No one's seen. No. But I feel like even if you did see, other women would be like, oh, don't worry. I'll feel you. I'll persist around. Yeah, it's happened. Yeah. I feel like it's like girl code for the toilet, though, isn't it?

Yeah, exactly. You never really... Like, I always think when boys go in the toilet, they must be staring at dicks. Yes. Like, if someone stood next to me with this whole willy out... You'd have a look. Fully. Fully would have a look.

Yeah, I know. Why are we not? And I always think, do they all pull their trousers down to their ankles as well like little boy will they don't they're not we're not allowed to look as well it's like the etiquette of the and you're meant to stand a person apart and if someone comes in the middle yeah it's bad it's bad bad urinal etiquette bad juju you don't stand next to someone no no no but i would look at someone's willie i don't know right right good old look. Like, bloody hell. Nice one. Nice dick.

Where do we get one of them? Where'd you get that from? Where'd you get your dick from, love? You won't even know that's the TikTok sound. Where'd you get your car from, love? Oh. Where'd you get your dick from, love? No, it's boy code.

You can't do that. So yeah, I feel like it's, it's just toilet. It's girls' etiquette and boys' etiquette, isn't there? Yeah. You just don't stare at your friends fufu do you no you don't you look away you do look away let's hit it with number two number two hello lovely ladies and babies listening to your beautiful ladies and babies sorry listening to your beautiful baby stories made me cry both happy happy and sad tears. Let me explain. Oh, I'm going to cry. This is probably, yeah.

Be warned. Right, let's put my mum down. This is probably going to make you cry. I have an almost seven-year-old and four years ago I decided to go to university. Instead of having another child, me and my husband of 10 years said we would have the second baby chat after I'd completed my degree. Fast forward four years and I finished my occupational therapy degree and asked my husband if we can take the pin out of the second baby chat. He said he doesn't want another baby but I do. He says he's enjoying life how it is as we finally have some sort of normality resuming and he doesn't want to go back to our lives being restricted by a newborn.

Additionally I had postnatal OCD and anxiety and he doesn't want me to be poorly again if we have another. my heart is crushed I always thought we would try for another I'm so so lucky to have him and my seven-year-old but I'm so sad that he will be an only child and I don't know how to move on from my husband not wanting another from anonymous that's a tough one isn't it my heart is broken there's a lot in that there is a lot in that that's really fucking sad i've got i'm sad that he has let it go on this long and me personally that's really selfish you think he should have said something sooner but he might have only just come to the realization he might have thought oh yeah

i want a second baby and then actually when it came down to it he didn't i just um that's that is really sad but it's hard going back to the newborn thing after you've got seven year olds you're a long way out you've done it i'm there you've done it it's not hard no nope are hard in the sense it's hard to grow a human it's hard to have a human yeah regardless of if they're seven i'm now having my own struggles with my seven year old yeah which is completely normal and the struggles aren't any different aren't any more difficult they're just different yeah and no i don't i think that's really unfair it's a really hard one because you might regret it forever if you don't have another child i think

he might regret it but you can't go into having it's not a light thing to enter into going to have another baby if you don't if you're not both on the same page you have to be both on the same it is quite hard having a baby and if you don't have the full support of your partner that's going to be really tough because when people say oh we tried to have a baby to fix our relationship anybody that says that yeah you're not good no no never ever ever have a baby in the mentality it's going to fix your relationship because if anything it drives you further apart yeah you have to be fucking solid yeah you have to be on the same page thinking that you're both on the same wavelength you want the same you're in it for the long haul

because if you think you're going to get a baby have a baby to fix a relationship you're mad yeah but you need you're right you need to she has to be really honest with him she needs to be honest with him and have a conversation but how do you ever come to that like they're at a loggerheads they are at a loggerhead how are you ever going to overcome that you have to be strong and make the decision that's that's good for you is it that you want to it's hard isn't it and we it's really hard for us as two people to speak on something that we're not physically in it's like depression i can't talk on depression because i've never i've never experienced it and i would be wrong for me to speak on something like that but if it was me personally in that situation i would have to

you'd have to make a decision are you happy with one baby and are you happy in the relationship yeah are there going to be things is the relationship is still going to stand if you're not on the same wavelength yeah you know there's lots of things that you have to take into consideration but most importantly she has to think of herself yeah out of even out of the equation of her son she has to think of herself because what a nice like i always wanted to have like siblings i didn't want to have an only child and luckily enough here we are with two children and that's what i always wanted but i think having a sibling is such a nice

i mean joseph doesn't think this at the moment but eventually joseph's got time to come around to come around and think it's a lovely gift that we've given him so i think that is really important for your son as well that could be yeah you know really important for him growing up i just think you need to she needs to have a really honest conversation and again just in out of all of this think of herself yeah because it is it is a big decision yeah it's a big decision to have a baby but it's also really a big decision to not have one to not have a baby yeah and i feel like he's made the decision on his own only from an outsider looking in i personally feel like he's made the decision on his own yeah but he's left her a really long time to not tell her. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. It needs to be a team decision. And also there's the extra complication that you had the postnatal OCD and anxiety. But just because you had that with your first baby. That's not his decision to make that. No, I know.

And just because you had that with one baby doesn't mean you'll have it with another. No, exactly. It doesn't mean you'll have it again. And I think it's cruel to just assume. I don't think there is an answer. I don't think there is an answer. But I think you're right. I think you need to be really really honest not only with him but with yourself yeah and you need to make a decision because um it's different

for me because had i told chris that i wanted children and he didn't want them would i have stayed with him probably not yeah but i also didn't know if i could have children yeah so he had to make a decision to potentially be with me and there'd be the case that I would never have them. Like, my sister was my surrogate. Like, Roxanne was always going to carry my babies the day that I was going to have babies, you know? So had I met somebody that said they didn't want children,

like me and Chris had spoke about it and he'd said that, you know, I want children. Yeah. But you do definitely have to be on the same page. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I wouldn't enter into want children. Yeah. But you do definitely have to be on the same page. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I wouldn't enter into it lightly. No, no. Because you've got to be solid.

And look after you. Yeah. Because it's not just taking his feelings into all of this. Yeah, your feelings are important as well. Yours are so valid and you need to think of yourself first. Also, bloody well done on getting a degree while you had a child. Yeah, fucking hell.

We've all just scooted over the fact that you just got yourself a degree, gone back to university, as well as being a mum. What an achievement. What a fucking woman. What a woman. What a woman. But thank you for messaging in. I'm sorry if we weren't much help, but we appreciate you.

Yeah. Good luck with it. But please let us know if there's any updates. Yeah. Or if you do have a chat chat or how you feel about it. Yeah. But I'm sure it's really nice. It's really nice to talk about this because I'm sure there's other people that are in this situation.

The same situation, yeah. And don't want to talk about it. Yeah. Or too scared to talk about it, you know. Yeah. And feel lost in, because I'd feel lost in something like this if I didn't have anybody to talk to and I was in this situation, you know. Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right.

I think you've just got to be really open with your partner and take it situation you know yeah yeah i think you're right i think you've just got to be really open with your partner and take it from there yeah but thank you so much thank you are you ready for the last seat i am ready for the last one all right this one says hi gorgeous ladies i've been listening to your story thank you so much i've been using breast milk what's your secret breast milk emma's i'm gonna start selling it uh she says i've been listening to your stories about shaving for a c-section and it made me think about when i was pregnant and in need of a bush tidy up there was no way i was giving it a go myself so i put my trust in my husband i handed him the razor and let him put his gardening skills to the test

there i was standing in the, one foot up on the side in tears from laughter while my husband looked terrified about approaching the foo-foo. He was barely touching the pubes because he was so worried about cutting me and this was just making me laugh all the more. He then shouted, please stop laughing I don't

please stop laughing, I don't want to slice a flap off. Safe to say, I have no dignity left and there's nothing I can't share with my husband after this. All worth it now as we have our beautiful six-month-old girl and our loving mum alive. Love, Libby. Congratulations, Libby. That is absolutely hilarious.

There's nothing worse than a cut on the foo-foo, is there? Cut on the flap. And when you're in the bath, it looks like you're bleeding to fucking death. There's been a shark attack in there. Why is there always so much blood from a slight paper cut on your fufu? It stings like a bitch, doesn't it? I don't think I would trust Stefan to...

No. I did joke with him a few times when I had my huge bump that he was going to shave my bush. And I just thought, I just can't. I can't let him go there. No. Also, the bit about barely touching the pubes and being so gentle made me think of have you ever

seen a man try and do a ponytail oh and why are they so loose it's so cack-handed isn't it and they're doing it like backwards like no just and i try and say to chris and there's generally they're men on tiktok that hoover the girls yeah into a hairband yeah put the bobble on it genius i mean that's a massive generalization there obviously are men that can do hair but i remember asking stefan to do a ponytail for me once and he was honestly like the loosest and why the head wetter it was so he was it was terrible but their hands are just so rubbery on his hands no his were like too smooth oh like the hair was just like slipping through them like water. I was like, you can grab it a bit tighter, you know.

Get hold of it. That's how you got in this situation in the first place. A bit of itchy legs in the kitchen. Tugging up the hair. Bit of rough and tumble. Oh, sorry. What do you think, Renly? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. It sounds like he's actually speaking words it's he just says hello yeah that what makes me laugh is colby talks to him like he's a human dotsy talks to him like he's a baby so she's like hello baby how's your day and he's like yeah colby just comes in and goes all right mate what you've been doing today then i'm expecting to just go really mom and dad are boring as fuck yeah drinking milk laying around do you know how it is shit my pants again

yeah shit myself what can I say let the bitch wipe me balls the use I know the use oh thank you Libby

that is that was brilliant hilarious thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mum club

if you want to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram have you ever sliced a flap or have you had a poonami situation in the park let us know there really is nothing too outrageous and keep an eye out for our thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. here's a show that we recommend Halloween Horror's about this spooky season

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