Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Bonjela Baby

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Another week, another story about children shouting out embarrassing stuff in public - and this time it's all to do with size! We also hear about a unique way of getting your younger siblings to stop crying, and we have a touching letter from Jess about her own tooth-breaking story. Meanwhile, the ladies have been battling with sleep, and dreaming of all the foods under the sun. Fair warning, they tell us about their latest cravings so if you're hungry... you're about to get a whole lot hungrier! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and this podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere a safe space to share our secrets because we all have secrets don't we we do and as we know sharing is caring you don't even have to tell us who you are you can keep that to yourself you can be anonymous and those secrets can be serious or silly all secrets are welcome in the secret tell me about your week do you want me to go first this week i want to ask you first well let me tell you the pregnancy insomnia has begun. Have you had, someone else was talking to me about that the other day, but have you had this?

What is insomnia? Like when you cannot get to sleep. So I can get to sleep. I just can't stay asleep. No. I keep having horrific nightmares. Oh, still still and then i basically think i tell myself not to sleep but i am i'm sleeping okay the heartburn has been rife for me this week but got myself some remopresolve oh is that remopresolve i know honestly i feel like i'm

bawling i just feel so free i don't feel like I've drank acid anymore. You know, I really feel like I'm living life on the edge. You are thriving. Thriving, honestly. So yeah, I've been sleeping great. I just, I'm waking up for a wee or a night man, then I just don't go back to sleep. But you just can't fall asleep. then I just don't go back to sleep this was you just can't fall asleep no no I was having the same problem as you falling asleep isn't normally a problem because I get up really early for work so I am actually really tired by the time I go to bed yeah so last night was the first night that it's happened really went to bed at 8 30 great I was like I'm gonna get eight hours sleep this is gonna be amazing but what happened was I got up to go for a wee and then really unlike me I just could not get back

to sleep it's I'm I think I'm kind of sleeping kind of lightly anyway because I normally I do need a wee in the night and then also just lugging the bump around and like shifting position is so like hard isn't it it's so heavy that that kind of wakes you up anyway but I can normally get back to sleep fine oh my god last night so my alarm normally goes off at 4 30 in the morning yeah hazard a guess at what time I've been up since this morning today specifically today I'm gonna say 3 a.m 1 20 1 20 I went for a wee and i thought oh god i have three hours till my alarm goes off lovely that was basically still yesterday it was basically i'm not even calling it in the morning

i'm calling it last night yeah that was last night that's what i mean that was yesterday you weren't even in today yet no exactly and i it got to a point where I was like, do you know what? I'm going to have to abandon this. And I just came downstairs, had a bowl of cereal and watched three episodes. I was going to say, are you hungry? That's the thing as well, because I think I try and get back to sleep, but then the hunger just creeps in. Hunger strikes. Hunger strikes. And all I can think about is having something to eat. hunger strikes and all i can think about is having something to eat so i had to come downstairs have an emergency bowl of cereal binge watch three episodes of one day all before i even went to work right we need to talk about this emma texted me the other day okay she actually put it on

instagram stories so if you saw her on her instagram story she was like i'm like five episodes in and i'm not crying yet i basically said if she doesn't cry, I will disown her friendship. No, but did you say what everyone else said, which was wait until episode 13 and 14? I said episode 13 will make you sob a little. Episode 14 will literally destroy your life. I can't wait. What point are you at?

So I'm now at, after that session I put in this morning, I think i'm now at 11 or 12 if you could put that session back in tomorrow so i'm gonna ring you at 1 30 tomorrow morning and if you could get another another three episodes in that would be great do you know what when you wake up at one o'clock in the morning it's surprising how much you can get done this people always say to me all the time why'd you wake up at 5am i'm like bitch you know how much shit i get done at that time i know i can get the tumble dryer empty clothes folded another wash on dishwasher empty reloaded like i'm basically it's basically lunchtime at 7pm at 7am yeah honestly you know you have like celebrities

that are like i get up at 3am and then i do a workout for an hour and a half and then I have an omelette for breakfast or whatever. And I'm like, shut up, you loser. But now I'm, I'm buying into it. get my huge butt out of bed at the moment because i have to like roll over and then stand up and yeah let the blood rush back to my swollen cankles yeah no i feel you i feel you also how i'm paying for it now because i'm fucking knackered and it's only the middle of the day. We're going to keep you awake for hours. We're going to be here just chatting away. Chatting away. How hiffently, how hiffently, did you get that? How, how, how differently does a bowl of cereals hit like 12, 1 o'clock in the morning? Oh, man, so good.

I woke up this morning, I had a cup of tea, I had granola. I was loving life it's honestly like sexual isn't it i want to sex you up and you feel so i was gonna say you feel so liberated you don't you basically want to cry at yourself don't you because you're fucking knackered you're starving you're eating a bowl of cereals at one o'clock that's probably far too big as to what you've been eating normally it's like half a box for me and you just sit there like you basically need shares in that m&s granola because i've seen how much you're getting through

and girl i love that granola i've stopped buying it now though because i feel like i'm gonna i feel like i'm just gonna i'm literally gonna just seize up the sugar i haven't i've been eating very sensible this this week because of the old acid oh in my heart do you know what i've just been using this whole pregnancy to eat like a five-year-old like i'm not ashamed to admit there have been days where i've had cereal for every meal oh or smileys and ketchup oh nice i've been eating smiley potatoes but although i did go to ikea the other day and bought myself a bag of meatballs did you and what are they like at home are they good just want to devour my whole face

in them they're so good in the and in the air fryer as well they're just do you do them with everything that you get them with at ikea do you you do the gravy, the mash, the jam? I don't have mash at Ikea. I have chips. Stefan's a chips guy. Yeah, I'm not a mash. Mash and pea. I'd get that for the children.

They have mash and peas. I have chips, 12 meatballs, gravy, jam. Oh, yes. What's the real big portion you can get? It's 15 meatballs, isn't it? I thought it was 12 is the biggest, isn't it? Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure.

4, 8, 12. Not sure. IKEA employees, get in touch. I'll take it. Yeah. They'll be like, just go and buy a bag downstairs and take them home. I'm going to do that. I've never had the at-home ones before.

I'm partial to a hot dog at IKEA as well. I've never had one. I just can't get over the prices i got a meal for joseph there the other day and it was 95p what the fuck literally i i go to ikea sometimes just to get the children lunch because i'm like we can all eat in here for less than a fiver and it's a full-blown meal it's wild it's like less than a macadamia these days kudos to kudos to ikea because honestly and their hot dogs there's something about their mustard their mustard is like a sweet spicy fiery mustard so that would catch up then they put crispy onions

and gherkins oh we're now just two pregnant women talking about food now it's now just become food it's food porn basically at this at this stage this is now a food podcast um but yeah but no the tiredness is real and my sister who um doesn't have any children said to me the other day uh what's wrong with your eyelids I was like what do you mean what's wrong with my eyelids like what they look they look pink she's like yeah they look really pink I was like yeah it's called tiredness it's called extreme tiredness thank Thank you. We haven't actually asked. How is Sissy doing with Bump? Because she's grown a baby too, isn't she?

Yeah, so that was the audacity of my sister, who has no children, to comment about how tired I look. But the one who is pregnant, yeah, she's doing great. She's a few weeks, I think, so she's a couple of weeks behind you and she's a few weeks behind me. So she's due around late April. But yeah, she's, she's doing really well. Yeah.

It's so exciting. It is so exciting. And if anybody hasn't been here from the start, Emma's sister also has a little boy similar to Joseph's age. Yeah. And this is her second baby. That's right. We keep saying now, like when the boys are together so we've already got like two the two boys in the family who are like three and a half and two

and like sometimes now when they play together it's absolute carnage and we're like oh my god imagine adding another we could end up with four boys here this is going to be absolute chaos so is she is she going to find out what she's having or has she no neither of us knows fuck oh i know this is so fucking is she got any any is she carrying the same does she feel the same i we both have no idea but the general consensus that what we've betted in the family is that i'm having a boy and she's having a girl stop it you might i'm still holding hope that there's a little lady in there i i don't know and stefan's flipped now he thinks we're having a girl now so i just i really don't i don't know i don't know stefan's gone pink he's gone team pink do you know what really threw me off is my

midwife emailed me the other day and in one of her sentences she said she about the baby and i know they don't actually they don't know there's no way that she could possibly know I think she was just like randomly threw that in there but obviously when I read it I was like hold up a minute does she know something I don't is it not on your notes anywhere no because I've never because the sonographer I've not even had the scan to find out so it's just not going to be and I think even when you do find the gender out, they don't like write it down on your notes anywhere. Do they not?

No, I think they just call it baby. Please let us know if it has to be stipulated anywhere on your notes. Does it have to be? Yeah. I'd love to know that. Well, I asked her and she was like, oh no, honestly, that was just like, that was just a phrase that I used. We actually honestly don't know, but I don't know know whether and I have heard that before yeah I don't

know if she's lying to cover her back but if you are a midwife let us know please do let us know because that would be so intriguing to know I know anyway tell me I'll stop going on about how tired I am tell me about your week to be honest I just had a I've had a week in and out of the hospital in and out of the day unit um little man's movements have been a little bit erratic he's been either really quiet or really cray cray and I cannot stress this enough I know they say about with regards to reduce movements but also if your baby in any way shape or form your baby's pattern changes like even if they then go crazy and it's completely out of pattern for them because I was just like oh I don't know if I should go in because he's moving but he's just moving so much um and they were like no that's still a reason to come

in and check so I've been in and out of the day you know I've had lots of bloods done um have changed up some medication a little bit to try and make the last couple of weeks a little bit more comfy but that's pretty much that's pretty much where i'm at i feel like i'm just a broken record at the moment i feel such a bore like i'm not doing anything no but this this is like what's dominating your life at the moment so obviously this is what you're going to be talking about i've organized the kitchen yes i've organized the kids yeah and everyone's like happy nesting I'm like I'm not nesting girl I just need this shit fucking sorted yeah I feel like you would be sorting out your pantry anyway now yeah yeah I'd be sorting out the pantry anyway yeah I just just need to get that that done so I've been doing

bits like that in the house I'm very much feeling I don't know if you're feeling the same like I just want to be at home yeah I'm like very scared to go too far away from home which you know is why I've a holiday was we yes two hours away from home too long late um but yeah I felt like I wanted to be homely but at the moment I just don't want to leave home but I also just want to be with Chris and the children yeah like I had the um I don't know if you saw my Instagram stories but I had we had the return to school um and I really really struggled like I struggle anyway don't I with them going back to school after the holidays um and this time I really really struggled like it really hurt my heart and I just

I cried all day and I just I don't know whether it's just the baby which I think it is is making it worse because I know I'm a crier about the whole return to school situation anyway but I just really struggled with not having them I just wanted to have them here have them close I don't want to be away from anybody. I just want Chris and the children just here so we're all together. So that has been something that I've struggled with a little bit and getting back to them being not around.

Do you think that's about like wanting to have quality time with them before the baby comes along? Yeah, yeah. And we had a really, really lovely school holiday. We had a really lovely week off. And I think it just, not that it made it harder. I don't know.

I don't know. I can never find the words to explain it. But I just was a bit of an emotional wreck. And I think as well because this is their last school holiday before he's. So March, we literally break up from school on the 28th of march which on my instagram i said the 29th but i believe that is a special day and i clearly forgot about it but i believe they break up on the 28th of march um and he'll be here that which is which is wild that is crazy yeah next time they're off school you're gonna have three kids so it was like the last so it was like the end of

of maybe like a little bit of an era for them. And then we're moving up to the next adventure. And it was just a whole lot of emotions for my brain. So I'm very emotional, more so than I ever am, which is great for Chris and everyone involved. Bless my mum. My mum's so sweet at the moment. She's just like, don't cry, darling. It's going to be at the moment she's just like don't cry darling it's gonna be okay and i'm like don't be nice to me mum i just need you to say bitch fucking suck

it yeah it's gonna make me cry even more yeah but no we've we've had a just bit of a plodder week really just a bit of a applauding week of just getting stuff sorted in the house getting used to not having the babies around because it felt a lot longer as well for me it felt like it was like six weeks holiday i was having the time of my life honestly well and it was only a week after that wasn't it it was it's always i think it was about nine days it was just fantastic there was just there was just nothing that the babies really got on um we saw so much of their cousins we had lots of family time we had the baby shower we had our little trip away to london there was just so much loveliness yeah you packed a lot in would you ever have teach them what's the

word i'm looking for homeschool them keep them at home no absolutely fucking not yeah i don't i don't want them there that much i absolutely love them i'd i'd homeschool them if i didn't have to teach them because i'm thick as shit so poor children are never gonna have emma and i really want to hear from you yeah we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we're talking about,

or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mum Pod, or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. We're going back in with the correspondence. Connor! All right, this one says, Hi Soph and Emma, I love the pod and have in with the correspondence. Connor! All right, this one says, Hi, Soph and Emma.

I love the pod and have listened since the start. My babies are now 19, 18 and 13. In response to the poor lady last week whose toddler broke his tooth, when my middle girl, Jazz, was about 18 months, she fell over in the bathroom and smashed her two front teeth. Now, I'm a nurse and you would expect me to stay calm,

but I didn't. I cried like a, and you would expect me to stay calm, but I didn't. I cried like a baby, and my husband had to swoop in and take over. I took her to the dentist, who ended up removing them. Oh no, because they would end up going black due to the damage. I've heard of this. Fast forward a couple of weeks,

and we had them removed under general anaesthetic. When the nurse came out with Jazz, I asked for the teeth for the tooth fairy, and she said I wasn't allowed them as they'd been extracted. Cue more crying like a baby. 15 years later, I can report that Jazz has the most beautiful teeth and smile and is none the wiser. But please don't feel bad for being so upset. It's totally normal.

As mums, we have expectations that our children will lose their perfect teeth naturally, and we will have the magic of the tooth fairy. And when that doesn't happen, it's upsetting. Sending lots of love, Jess from Worthing. That is fucking adorable. Obviously so traumatising, but so, like, she's now got the most beautiful teeth. Yeah, I'm sure, and to the mum who wrote in last week as well,

I'm sure his teeth are going to be absolutely fine but I have heard about that thing about the teeth going black which is something that I'm actually really scared of with Joseph so when when Dottie got her wobbly ones at the bottom it it it went black because it was it was losing the blood supply to it. So they do change colour even when they're wobbly. So I wouldn't, if they obviously, that happens. But hopefully it's reassuring for our mum last week with regards to little man's tooth. But it is hard because we do have these expectations, don't we? That we're just going to have this perfect journey.

Nothing's going to go wrong. It's all going to be fine and dandy. We're going to have have this perfect journey. Nothing's going to go wrong. It's all going to be fine and dandy. We're going to have these tooth fairy visits. And sometimes it doesn't go that way. And it is upsetting because you always think, why has that happened to my child? Yeah. Like, why me? Yeah, why me?

But that's normal to feel that way, though, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It's weird that they wouldn't give the teeth to you just because they'd been taken out yeah i'm sure that's happened like when i've had teeth out before i'm sure they give them to you in like a little bag to take home i don't even want them are they um i wonder if they're rooted the milk teeth no they won't be rooted will they they won't have their big ginormous maybe they didn't give them i don't know because they'd because they were like discolored and they were probably like oh you're not going to want these they're all black

I don't know if you have liposuction don't they offer you your bag of fat do they no that could be completely made up like taking your placenta home from the hospital isn't it you can take it home though can't you yeah that's what I mean

and people eat it has anybody had their placenta have you at yours no did you do yours absolutely what with some onion like like also somebody said didn't they about um i don't know if it was here or whether it was on my instagram would i have it converted to tablets yeah i'm not kim kim kardashian i don do this costs a lot of money doesn't it to convert it into powder yeah and also just no no thank you has anybody done it tell us please i really want to know have you etched it like straight like always find it always looks like liver

you know like a fresh fresh soggy liver no i don't think i even got offered mine i think it was straight in the uh straight in the waist i think i'd feel too um too Jeffrey Dahmer wouldn't you yeah no but oh bless well that's a lovely outcome so I hope that's reassuring to any mummies that have struggled yeah thank you Jess all right we've got another one here from Sophie she says hi ladies I just listened to your first at home episode Soph mentioned weighing her bump at 10 pounds but the baby was measuring around five pounds I recently learned the placenta weighs around the same as the baby so her measurements were probably right currently 38 weeks with baby number three so I really feel like we're all in this together oh i love you both in the pod it keeps me going while on mat leave we're all in this together and we we should have just had like

it's fucking orgy we should have just had like a mass pregnancy shouldn't we have everyone just birthing together don't you feel like that's happened though like we have had so many messages from people at the exact same stage of pregnancy as either me or you like yeah it's what it's crazy we were all having sex at the same time itchy legs galore yeah it was back in what like july we were going itchy legs mad we were all going ham on each other what the hell it was maybe it was the engagement it just brought on so much itchy leg love that's that was it you were at it everyone was i was at it feeling the love the heat of the summer was getting to us oh and here we are the cocktails are flying um i did say that i when i was at the hospital obviously my liver's big

isn't it as well so my liver's do you know i am a little bit sad today because i when i spoke to her i come on here this morning didn't we i was like i'm so fucked off like this lady i had a full-blown conversation with her and she was really lovely but she literally just shouted at me fucking hell you're massive you're the size of a house and i was like hi i didn't really need to hear that today so sorry someone just shouted that at you across the street? Yeah, she went, Safina. She was like, fucking hell, you're massive in real life. You're the size of a house.

I was like, Jesus. Can we refrain from doing that? Like, she was really sweet and she had a full-blown conversation with me. But that initial, I wasn't really, I nearly fully broke down in tears there and then. So I have got an enlarged liver in there. I have got a baby in there. Obviously a big placenta. Lots of water.

And I'm eating for, I was going to say two. I'm not. Just eating for pleasure. You're eating a box of granola a day. So to be fair fair 10 pounds might not be far off yeah might not be far off but i just you know there is no discrimination as to what social bump is how big you get whether you put weight on whether you don't as long as the baby arrives safe and happy you can worry about all that other shit when the baby's here yeah like don't worry about it just enjoy how's that reflux great very good i'm thinking now if the placenta sophie's saying the placenta

is around the same size as the baby and they measured my baby at six eight that's like nearly a stone of weight that i've got wow in my tummy um that's a lot that's a lot of that's a lot of baby that's a lot of placenta that's a whole lot it's a whole lot of stuff in there no wonder i feel so bloody heavy no wonder i feel like i'm gonna piss myself all the time so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together

and we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. For a second then, you went really slow. You were like, we're all in this together and we know that we are. We're all friends.

Yours did for me as well. So that's going to be a fun edit. Keep that in there, do you? Thank you. Keep that. Each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours here in the Secret Mum Club. So we're going to kick it off with my secret this week i don't think you're ready for this one emma go on are you ready i'm ready i'm ready i feel like

i've turned into i've i've i've had my mama bear mode okay uh bitch has gone a little bit cray cray i didn't i didn't think more cray cray was possible i've gone from emotional to really fucking angry come on come on talk in like talk to auntie emma tell me what's happened like zero to hero um so we've had a few things at dot c school things i haven't really spoken about because not everyone needs to fucking know everything, okay? And there's some things that just, just, I didn't know how to process it in my little brain, so I just thought, you know what, we need to just get through this, and once we're through it, I'll talk about it. She's been going to her new little school, hasn't she? She had this, she's had this little friend, um, but a few months in, I think we,

I want to say we, it's probably been the last month or so that we've, it's been problematic, but we've had a few concerns with regards to a little friend she's playing with, there has just been some things that have been said and it hasn't been the easiest of friendships that they have had let's just say so I have kind of tried to be a bit diplomatic because you don't you truly don't know what is going on in other people's houses yeah and that's something I will say and I'm very considerate that everybody's lives are different outside of school so I've tried to be really understanding I've spoken to the teacher we've spoken to Dottie we've tried to do things I've tried to be really calm and really patient um we've logged it with the school and we've spoken about it

the child's now hitting her and I'm just I fucking am so at my tether now because I'm being I tried to approach the mum previously in the playground she just says sorry I've got to work now don't have time to talk to you and I'm like right okay that's fine not to worry so it's just getting to the point now where today was the first day that Dottie woke up and said I just really don't want to go to school anymore. Oh, no. And honestly, it truly broke my heart. And that was it. I was just up to school. I was just like, no, fuck this.

I'm not doing this no more. Because I'm trying to, I'm being Mrs. Nice Mum all the time. And it's getting me fucking nowhere. And I just went up to school. And I was like, enough's enough. She's fucking hitting her. She's whispering things to her. So she's getting in trouble.

She's not getting in trouble so she'll say like to a little friend she'll go to Dottie tell him we don't want to play with him so Dottie goes oh sorry we're not playing with you and then he goes and tells the teacher and the teacher's like oh Dottie we can't really say that because that's not really kind Dottie will always defend herself uh and the teacher said she broke down she broke down into tears and she was like I just can't keep being her friend when she's being so horrible to me and like we tried talking about it at home and she's so grown up about talking about it and she just said mommy she doesn't let me play with anybody else um I'm getting in trouble lots with my teacher

and it's making me really sad and I just don't want to be there anymore and I just you know I broke down and I was just like do you know what I need to go to school so I went up to school today and I just said you know this has got to stop now I'm not I'm not doing this anymore I don't want to do it I don't want to talk about it i don't want to with the child so we've tried like saying in the classroom is to be like oh keep them separate do different things and like she said oh i'm running around in the playground on my own because everybody's got their own little friends and i can't play with anybody now because this little girl has told her not to play with anybody so no one wants to play with dot oh poor dot oh and i just feel so sad forever because i just don't

want to go into the classroom and just be like oh let's just put up with this shit again you know because us as women like i've been bullied at school and i know how shit it feels and i'm not saying they're bullying each other but they're also only five years old like what the fuck they're why are we doing this why are they hitting other kids i don't know and so she hit dotty and then went to hit another little girl and dotty said um excuse me we don't we don't use our hands to hit each other that's not kind please don't hit her so she was like mummy I stopped her from hitting the other little girl and I was like I know darling but did you tell the teacher that she'd hit you and Dottie was like no because she just she didn't hurt me and I know that she was she was sad and I was like yeah but that that's

not okay and then she went into the playground at lunchtime and she said oh I did have to tell the dinner lady because she actually hit me really hard and went to bite my arm and I was just like and then I said what happened and she said oh the dinner lady took her in um but I had no one to play with and I just ran around on my own oh my god the thought of them being on their own as well when they're not with you is just like the most heartbreaking thing isn't it and I really truly don't and I we said it earlier didn't we I'm never that mum like I go in and I'm like look tell me if she's being bad if she's being unkind if she's using bad words if she's being mean if she's singling anybody out I need you to tell me please tell me because i will do something at

home and i'm and the teacher's always like safina like you're she couldn't be any better like what you get at home is what we get at school like you're not getting anything different yeah and i'm not bigging her up i will fully hold my hands up when my child is being bad or needs to work on something but it's just the way now she is at home it's not all the time but there'll be certain ways she speaks to Colby and I'm like we don't talk like that darling like I don't know where that's come from like why are you talking to him like that and she's like well that's how she talks to me at school but I'm like yeah but that's not right no that's not right that's not how we that's not right that's not how we that's

not how we talked and I've said to the teacher now it's now dripping in at home and I shouldn't have to re reteach my child when my child already knows because of someone else's someone else's child so I've had that to deal with today oh my god and they're just so like they're so small still and so impressionable aren't they like what are you supposed to do as well when they're not you know you can't be watching them all the time like when they go to school there is out of your control who they play with what they do what happens and it's it's hard i don't want to expect the teacher to be like oh can you just keep watching them while they're playing can you keep them separate can you make sure they don't do this together can you make because that's not fair on the teacher

the teacher's there doing her job it's not her responsibility obviously they're there to assist them in in certain situations but not to just watch them constantly um so yeah she's she's she's gonna she is gonna review them because there's been so many episodes now um and she she's gonna she's gonna put some things in place for us to have a to have a chat with them but it's just one of those things I never had this with Colby this is all so new for me and I don't know whether it's because it's a girl thing and girls are more passionate and more full-on I don't know but it's just it's really hard it's really hard. It's awful. I feel like you need to speak to her parents as well and just be like, do they know what their child's behaving

like at school? Obviously that's, I guess that's not my place to know, is it? Because that's, that's breach of confidentiality, isn't it? I can't, and I never would say, oh, what's going on at her house? because obviously something's wrong because I'd be so wrong for saying that that's not my you know that's not my place to say that um and I'm trying I try to be really respectful that not everybody has the same home life do they so I um I just said you know I'm happy to have a meeting with the parents I've tried to approach her in the playground but she doesn't really want to talk to me. So I'm trying to do like the mum thing and just be like, is there anything we can do?

Because the girls aren't really, they're getting on, but then they're also not getting along. I don't know if, I don't want your child and I equally don't want her child to be upset by something that Dottie's doing. So I was kind of like, and I said to the teacher, like, I've tried to reach out because I want to make sure that Dottie isn't upsetting her like I want to be I don't want my child to be upsetting her and she feels she can't approach me so I was kind of like well if I sneak in there and say you know is there something Dottie's done to upset her or is she upset by things that Dottie's doing so I can but she just doesn't want to talk to me so you'd think that they would want to engage and like sort it out what's the solution what did the school suggest like can they can they split them up or not really so again we had the

topic of the obviously going into the new school year moving up into year one the I we asked the parents evening if they're gonna because Colby never had it from we asked at parents evening if they're going to, because Colby never had it from year one, R to one, if they're going to mix the classes, so Colby's, because he was in Covid, they kept the class exactly the same, because they were bubbled, so I just said to her, are we mixing the classes, like when she goes up to year one, are the classes being mixed around, and things like that, and she was like yeah yeah yeah they'll be mixed so she asked otty who would you like to go up with and she was like i'll go up with anybody i just don't want to be in her class anymore oh um so she's just like and i just said do you have

anybody that you would like to specifically go up with and she just said no no mummy I just I'm just tired of of trying to make her happy and I just don't want to to be in her class anymore and she said it in front of the teacher and I was like look that's not me putting anything on her I've not asked her the question because I don't want to say to her oh what friend do you want to go out with next year and then they go with all of them and I did I thought they were mixing them and then they don't mix them, you know. I don't like to give them the wrong information or false hope. So she asked Dottie there and then

at the parents' evening. And then the teacher was a bit like, oh, that's really sad. That is really sad. And then obviously I've... So the school are very aware of it and they're doing lots of things to support us. But you just don't want to be that parent. I don't want want to be that parent i don't want to be the one that's feels like i'm

causing an issue like i feel like like you know when you go to the day unit i'm coming down because of reducing yeah but you're not being a nuisance you've got like when you go to the day unit you've got a reason to be there and when you go out the school you've got a reason to be there so don't you just feel like you're the problem don't you when you're just like you're not so sorry i'm the problem it's me you're not anyone would do this you know you can't you can't not do anything yeah so that is that's where we're at at the moment which feels so wild feels such a a weird thing to share and to talk about but it's good though because and people might have some advice for you as well if it's happening I hope so and I hope that if there is anybody also

in this situation that I feel really alone I feel like there's I feel really silly in the sense of that I know there's other people out there that this would be or has happened to but you feel like it's only happening to you like no one else in the world has happened it's happening to because i did say to the teacher look has the mum been in to mention anything about dotty that i can do to support dots at home she's like the parent has said nothing that's so weird to me but then maybe that little girl hasn't reported anything back. So why would her parents have a reason to think there was anything wrong, you know? Yeah. But there you go.

So holler at your sister if you've got any advice. Yeah. That was a sad one this week. That is a sad one. Poor Dotson, poor you. That's not what you need as well when you're heavily pregnant. Do you know what I mean? That's my secret this week.

So next, hopefully we'll be hearing some funnier ones. On the Secret Mum Club. This is the secret mum club the safe space for you to share your secrets and we've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week so emma you know the drill and it's off with number one hello lovely ladies i was listening to your episode about siblings not getting along and it reminded me of a secret my mum told me about a time I did something very terrible to my younger sister. When I was two my sister was only a few months old in her bouncy chair. I was sat on the sofa watching a movie while my mum had her back turned to make dinner. My sister started screaming non-stop and I was clearly trying to watch my movie which I now could

not hear. Before my mum could come to my sister, the screaming suddenly stopped. She rushed in to find I had squirted almost a whole tub of Bongella teething gel in my sister's mouth, making her mouth and tongue numb. My mum called an ambulance, and luckily they said she would be fine in a couple of hours.

It wore off and she was okay. We are now 19 and 21, and it's safe to say she's never interrupted me watching a movie since. Love the pod from Sky. Sky! That is terrible. Can you imagine eating a whole tube of bongella? Bongella as well, that is strong shit.

For a baby as well who's only ever eaten milk. We should laugh because that's so cruel, but what a story to tell. Well, oh no, don't, because this kind of thing makes me terrified to have two babies in the house. to have two babies in the house oh i'll tell you one thing one thing that was so fucking horrific was when colby put a whole grape in dotty's mouth like a full grape into her mouth she was only like a couple of weeks old and i was like i was stood next to him and he just ran in and he was like oh baby have a grape and i was like oh god the fear the fear in your heart but bloody hell what do you do what oh my god she rung an ambulance yeah rung an ambulance wow it was fine it wore off but that's the same age gap that I'm gonna have in the same gap you have between Colby and Dottie two years and that

is gonna be bloody carnage I went into the um I was telling Stefan I walked into our bedroom the other day and the moses basket which is up at the moment but it's just got a teddy bear in it was tipped over and teddy bear has fallen out joseph had done it obviously obviously either that or you got ghost but i was like oh like that's something that i hadn't even thought of he's gonna be able to tip over the moses basket with a baby in it christopher carried his baby brother down the stairs oh my god i'm just there's seven years between christopher and his brother and when he was little christopher carried his brand new baby brother down the stairs to the family all in the kitchen they were like holy shit he's like oh i just carried the baby down

the stairs i said it could be worse you could have had them in a blanket and been like... Yeah, at least he carried him. Yeah, exactly. I think that I... But I love these stories, though. And I think you're going to just have the wildest fucking time with the two of them. Yeah, I think wild is the right word. There's just... Yeah.

There's so much that could go wrong that I probably haven't even considered. And I won't have considered until it actually happens. And then I'll be like, shit. It's just such a fun ride though you're gonna love it honestly okay it's hilarious some of the shit that they do especially when like dotsy started walking as well and like the things that they used to do it's funny it's funny it's your memories that you're going to cherish forever i just think it's hilarious okay well hilarious is one word but let's roll into number two before emma has a heart attack all right this one says hi so for emma i'm really struggling with weaning my baby he was doing really well and now doesn't seem to want to put anything in his mouth he won't let me feed him i started with puree and he was having

none of it my sister-in-law suggested baby led weaning but i feel like i'm not enough for my son and i have so many fears thanks for being amazing danielle danielle girlie you ain't got nothing to worry about they go through these phases you really truly don't need to worry at all all i would say is just do it in his own time yeah because he's just not fancying it at the moment which is absolutely fine dotty started and then completely went off it and then we just left it we went back to milk um and i just let her i used to just let her eat i used to do her a bottle but let her eat just like a bowl of baby porridge or baby rice yeah of her hand and

she ended up just having more of a sensory play rather than actually eating it and i think her playing with the food helped her build a different relationship to food than colby did yeah if that makes sense i think with baby dead weaning as well people get worried about and choking and stuff but you can start them off on like really soft easy things that they're not going to yeah really yeah really easy stuff like that. Mushy. Try some pouches as well, maybe, because they, like Joseph still actually likes the sensation of squeezing the pouch into his mouth.

And he'll eat things out of a pouch that he would never let me give him off a spoon. But he just likes the novelty of eating it out of a pouch. So if you haven't already tried that. Mine used to love watching it go, whoo, out of the pouch. Yeah, spiralling out, like squeezing a spot.

Even now they love it they put it they hold a spoon and they're like and it just whirls out but um yeah i just say go back to basics and treat it more as a um experimental play yeah then actual food eating so like a mushy banana and i always used to give them a really overripe banana. So it was like sweeter. Plus it was really gooey, really soft. And yeah, have it more that he's getting enough food,

like enough milk and stuff. And just have it more of like a sensory plater. He learns, learns about the food, but you are so, you are more than enough. You are so, you're perfect.

And if you didn't care would mean yeah the fact that you care the fact that you care means that you're doing the best job absolutely doesn't it yeah and they go through these bloody annoying stages with food even still all the time i'm sure colby and dotty do as well they like something one minute they don't like it the next minute joseph goes a whole day refusing food sometimes and it drives me insane but they're not gonna waste away so don't worry about it yeah chris does it now and he's fucking what 30 yeah grow up tricks yeah i'll make him one thing one day and then he'll go yeah i don't don't really want to have that ever again do you know what stefan does that drives me crazy is that i always cook right which is fine like that's that's the job i like doing but i'll make him a meal and i'll

be like what do you think of that and afterwards he only ever goes it's all right it's always all right isn't it it's not just all right it was fantastic because i cooked it yeah i'd fucking like someone to present me with dinner every night thanks very much do you know what i was actually having this conversation with my mum last night. And it's funny, like my nan would have always had food on the table for my granddad. Yeah. Like always. When he comes home from work, there has to be a meal on the table.

So my mum was very much the same with my dad. And I said, my nan would literally shit the bed now. She saw it and always said to Chris, make your own fucking dinner. Yeah. I'm not making it for you i've had a hard day here i've been doing the washing and watching series yeah i'm busy my mum my mum actually my nan and granddad were exactly the same and my mum and dad and my mum says comments to me sometimes that i'm like you should have a lovely meal on the table for him when it's shut up do you know what she said to me once when I was coming in from work like are you not gonna run

him a nice hot bath all the time no I'm fucking not because when did he run me a nice hot bath yeah probably does it more now that I'm pregnant but no back the fuck off Suzanne it's not 1950 you run him a bath on your own bloody bath what do you want me to do? Scrub his toenails as well? No. Gosh. Massage his feet. Listen to all the stress about his day at work. You think he's got a stressful life, Suzanne. He's a kept man.

I keep him home all the time. He's my PA. Oh, you come on. You should cook him a nice meal. Why about giving him a nice massage? Hold on. Let me just pop to Body Shop and get him some nice oils. And I'll just set the scene. But God bless.

I said, do you do that for Dad? Do you give Dad a massage? She said, no, I don't. I don't bloody do that for your father. Well, and if you do, I don't want to know about it. Yeah. Right, let's start off with the last one. All right, this one says,

Hey ladies, love the podcast and I'm super excited that both your lovely babies will be here before you know it. Congratulations to you both. Thank you. I have a three-year-old boy. This past week, I went to collect my son from childcare. He was outside playing and I was standing talking to the educators about his toilet training when he walked up to me. He proceeded to lift up his shirt, place it under his chin and starts to pull his pants down. I stop and ask, what's up? He loudly asked in front

of all the kids and educators, mum, mum, why isn't my willy as big as dad's? I look at him absolutely mortified and just say, I don't know. And swiftly made my exit. Why did he have to ask me at that time? And what the heck was going through his mind? Ha, much love, Amanda. Oh my God. It's another story about a dad with a big willy. We get loads of these.

What's with all the big dick dads? what's with all the big dick dads I don't know I don't know I don't know whether it's ours is clearly mahoosive what was it size of a walrus I don't know

I mean if genetics come into play it might be as big as Dad's one day. Yeah. Yeah, Colby once ran into his preschool room with his pants down and just as we're out, and he was like, woo! He was like two and a half, three at the time, bless his heart. But just what goes through their head. But I think it's nice because he's obviously very comfortable and relaxed.

Yeah. In that environment, which I think is good. I mean, it's a good question, to be fair. You would expect the last one at the same, probably, wouldn't you? Yeah. Why? Maybe if I was a boy, I think I'd have maybe willy-phobic. Like, I'd want to look at another willy in a urinal.

Yeah. But now I'm intrigued. I say to Chris, oh, did you see that man's willy in a urinal yeah but now I'm intrigued I say to Chris oh did you did you see that man's willy and he's like no oh just what you just look at it just look at their willy I find I find like urinal etiquette so fascinating because obviously we've always just gone to the toilet in cubicles but it's it's almost like for us like the cubicle walls being taken away and you're just sitting weeing next to another woman but like men have been doing it their whole lives they don't think anything of it and obviously it's

not a done thing to like stare across and look at someone else's no and you're not allowed to go in and stand next to somebody and chris said there's also people that have big boy wees a little boy wees so the ones that put their pants and trousers down to their ankles no people that take no sorry I thought that was a myth people don't actually

take their full trousers down to go for a wee do they and their pants and they just stand there with it no I think that's a weird fetish

hold on we've got some daddies here though haven't we some daddies we've got some dads that listen so let us know if you've ever been

stood next to you're not meant to go in right next to them yeah I know that much meant stand like a gap apart but i believe that there's some people do little boy wees and they pull their pants and their things that's messed up i feel like that's exhibitionist like you want people to look at you if you're doing that because you could just unzip your fly what's wrong with you no offense if you listen that's what you do like you you do you booboo i imagine so if you listen and that's what you do. Like, you do you, baby. I imagine, Soph, if you were a man,

that's the kind of way you would do. Just get it. Just get it all out. I'd be a nudist. I think I'd just walk around naked. No, I wouldn't. That's weird. I, um... Yeah, I just find the men's toilets just really fascinating.

Me too. Yeah. I'd love to be in them. And disgusting. Disgusting. They piss everywhere. they stank thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mum club and if you'd like to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram have you ever been asked about the size of your willy? Or have you gotten creative with Bongella?

Let us know. There is nothing too outrageous. And keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And as a special little treat, we've got a Mother's Day special coming your way this Sunday. So tune in whilst you're soaking in the bath or basking in being pampered by your family.

And we'll see you next time on the secret mum club