Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Boob-Grabber-In-Law

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Another week, another poo secret... But this time it involves a little bit of redecorating. We also hear from a first-time mum who has a handsy encounter with their mother-in-law. Sophiena's been having some lunchbox troubles, and Emma's sleeping patterns are slowly getting better! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Acast.com Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring.

You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And no secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! Thank you, Chrissie. Just inserting my cup of tea there. Aww.

That's a cup of tea for me. I have one, Chris. Where's my husband bringing me my cup of tea? Stefan, bring the tea. Stefan's in bed because he did nursery drop-off on three hours sleep this morning. Did he? So he's gone back.

He's gone back down. How is sleeping for you to save you sleeping she's doing a bit better we are going like every three hours if we're lucky every yeah three to three and a half hours two hours if i'm unlucky but what's been really good during the day is we were just talking about the sling wraps weren't we yeah swaddle sling yeah that will well she's got swaddle bag at night and then sling during the day is keeping her a bit longer like if she's in that she'll do a good over three hour stretch between feeds which is good stunning just for you stunning love that for me we just need to get her going a little bit longer at night but we're getting there emma's just loosening her strings she's trying to just put her down a bit more so that she's not holding she's so she's so used to being held which is lovely obviously but

sometimes i need to be hands-free for my other child so your other child that's at home i don't really need to be hands-free well i do need to be hands-free because i've got a lot of shit that i need to keep doing you know just normal life shit um but I just think you know there'll be a day when he doesn't want me to hug him I know I know but sometimes literally I do have to get shit done cook dinner do the washing up eat dinner although you feel like they're in your on your baby's head the crumbs when you're like oh sorry about that um is is the feeling of them in your skin but they're actually not in your skin. They're out now. Yeah, I guess that's how they're used to being, but they still like being close to you and feeling the warmth of you. Yeah, yeah.

It's a nice feeling. It feels like they're inside you, but not inside, but inside your T-shirt, maybe not. Yeah, it's a lovely feeling. And yeah, you can get so much done. I made the packed lunches today. I sorted out some washing. I got the children dressed. I did Drots's hair.

Like I felt great. You're making me feel bad about how productive you've been. Because I was watching your Instagram stories this morning. And you've done like 6,000 steps by 9am. And I've barely got out of bed. I have today. I have done a lot of steps today. But then we did.

I've done the school run this morning. And that's a walk is it? That's a walk. Yeah we've been walking the school run but the babies the babies scoot scoot so it's great for me because they scoot scoot I get to walk double bubble isn't it they're getting worn out and tired by the time we get home after the end of school everyone's shattered it's like that extra little bit that they just need taken from them so that they can get a good night's sleep. Yeah, I think that anytime Joseph wants to walk anywhere, like he's very much in that like independent phase now.

Like, I want to walk. I want to walk. Obviously, it takes fucking ages to get anywhere. But every time I'm like, brilliant, you're tiring yourself out. You're going to sleep great tonight. It's honestly a mother's dream. Yeah, it's an absolute dream. So back to school. How's that gone for you?

Back after the Easter holidays? As me and Emma always talk about this, every time we have to return back, Emma is a lover of the return. I'm a hater of the return. And a hater of her own children. She's a hater of the... Looking after my own kids. I'm a hater of the return's a hater of the um look at my own kids i'm a hater of the return to school i don't like it it's just something about it just doesn't feel right but it's got to be done you

know we have to do it it's good for their social engagement i just just bloody hate it it just feel like i've lost a limb You spend all this time and energy and doing activities, going out, and you get into a great routine of having all the children home. Like this one was busy. This was a busy holiday. So we were in a great routine.

We were doing loads. The weather was on and off. I can't say it was great because it wasn't Green England. Oh, it's been shite, isn't it? It has been shite. But then you've got gotta go back to school and it's heartbreaking and it gets my heart every time colby cried his eyes out absolutely cried

his eyes out was it worse for them going back this time because they didn't want to leave the baby yeah do you think yeah dotsy dots doesn't give a shit she's like yeah later fuckers i don't know what i don't know what your problem is. But Colby just, he really struggles. He does really struggle. And it's not that. This one was harder because of Renly. And he was just like, I don't want it.

What if he needs me? And I was like, I think he's going to be okay. Oh, I can't. Oh, God. So, no, they're back in. They're back in the swing of it. We're back on the school walks. We're back on the school walks we're back into morning routines grumpy babies in the morning because they don't want to go to school so yeah no it's good it's good it's good I keep telling myself it's good but inside

I'm dying I'm dying I'm fine I'm fine I'm absolutely I'm fine driving I'm fine. I'm absolutely. I'm fine. I'm thriving. I'm thriving, in fact. Who's cutting onions? I'm thriving, honestly. I don't even know what life is. And I keep staring at Renly and I'm like, oh, you're going to go. I can't. I can't. No, don't even.

Every milestone, every week, I'm like, oh, she's growing up so fast. Stefan's like, get a grip. She's three's three weeks old she's gonna need her own mortgage i know i know we'll be doing school applications before you know it oh we had the school applications so our schools the children obviously we don't have to do it this year but our school the children had to apply what again um so like yeah because they have to do it every year like if you're changing schools so we get obviously our schools are split aren't they so all of the children really excited in the playground today because they are they all got their school places and chris went we didn't apply for dotty but we're applying to put her in the same school

but apply for year one she she's she's in the system now dude we don't need to but then i was like oh my god we have to apply for readily oh don't and doesn't that start like really early like people keep saying to me like oh you'll have to apply by the time they're three i don't know i guess it depends on your area and like how posh the school is yeah how competitive it is gosh i'm not ready for yeah i was on and do you know what now because i had an august baby and a september baby i was like oh colby will start school a year early so he'll start just turning four yeah but dotty will start just turning she literally turned five on her first day of school redley's march happens to

fucking clue when he's going no right out that I don't get it but what I do think is nice about Renly and Sadie is that they're always going to be like middle of the year so you know like we were summer birthdays we were always the last to be able to do everything like when people started like the school year they're not middle of the actual year you know we're july babies we're banks back in the middle of the year no i like it now but in the school in the like september to july thing like it was annoying because yeah a like your party would always be in the school holidays no one was ever around people are always off and then like when people started being able to do stuff like passing their driving tests or like getting into nightclubs we were we were the last yeah

behind whereas these guys, they're going to be smack bang in the middle of all their peers, which is a nice place to be, I think. Yeah, I had to wait for it. When all my friends turned 17 and we started driving, I was like, I've only just turned 16.

I know. This is great. I know. You feel so young. Yeah, I left school at 15 as well. Yeah. Mental. Yes.

Oh, you would have. Well, when I went to you when i went to uni i was only yeah i was had literally just turned 18 whereas like some people were like 19 or even 20 if they'd had a gap yeah so when i went to university i felt like a baby like literally everyone was like i'm 21 and i've just come back from peru and i was like i'm 17 and I've been in Essex my whole life I'm 17 and I've just left school what is life no I and isn't it funny now looking back like I do talk about that all the time and say that to like Chris I'm like oh do you remember we were like the younger or I was the we were the youngest ones but me and Chris but isn't it funny now I don't I don't know where Renly's gonna be

at like Colby's gonna be waiting like us to catch everybody up but dotty's gonna be like yeah she's gonna be ahead of the curve yeah she's gonna be one of the older ones it's like i'm i'm 21 i've got my own mortgage like where have you guys been even if she's not 18 like getting into nightclub she's not gonna give a shit she'll be bowling up there when she's 15 going looking the bouncer in the eye and going i'm 18 and you better let me in and they will because they'll be scared i'll beat you up yeah she is not gonna give a shit she'll just if someone tries to question her she'll be like i'm what yeah does what she does his face does his face look bothered though that'll be built

i feel like i do you know what the older that gets, the more and more scared I get every day. Of her? I'm generally so scared for how sassy that girl is going to be. Yeah. It's good, though. It's a good... It's a good... It's a good personality trait in moderation. It's good.

It's good. It's really... Really... Really good. Good. Yeah, it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. Yeah.

It's going to be... It's going to be... It's going to be great. It's going's gonna be i'm scared to have a girl because when i had when i had a girl this girl this baby girl sadie the only girl that you've had the only girl i've got people would all watch out for when she's a teenager because teenage girls are crazy so i'm scared you know when you're like you do know i have a fufu right you do know i've been there i've lived it i've lived life as a woman funny it's when people go to me oh you're gonna have your hands full i fucking know yeah i was that girl

been that bitch still that bitch you know like i do i do know i tested my parents i was the one child that tested my parents parenting literally but yeah but there we go that's and people always say to me oh do you think colby do you think the um well people now say oh she'll, she'll be really lucky. Like, her brothers will look after her. Oh. No. They'll be coming to her. Colby will be like, Doc, can you sort that one out for me? Yeah. Someone's been picking on me.

Can you sort them out? She will as well. Can you sort them out? Oh, I did my sad video as well in the week. Did you see? Oh, my God. You did. I think you commented.

The one of the, saying, you made me die. This is what a two-year age gap looks like. I was like, not in my fucking house at the moment I think you commented. The one of the, saying, you made me die. This is what a two year age gap looks like. I was like, not in my fucking house at the moment. It doesn't. Honestly, we have had some issues. Don't worry though. Because I feel like the problem is, it's nice. I put the video up there.

Yeah, it's great. In all honesty, 99% of the time, I am very lucky. They have a very wonderful relationship and home is great but the one percent they were a bit older in that video as well weren't they than mine so I'm like yeah I'm holding out hope that like I thought I did do a what a seven year age gap looks like when Dottie was two days old and Colby with Dottie and I thought I think that one's gonna push Emma over the edge I'm not gonna like I'll give it a while I'll give that one a couple of weeks before we at the moment we are like I just don't know I keep asking my friends that have got two kids like does this get better

because at the moment like Joseph is just not he's just not happy with us you know it does I promise you on my life it does get easier it does get better and plus as well is Colby also had and I always say this and I know you'll understand but Colby had my sister's four children yeah so by the time Colby was born he was already watching a seven-year-old yeah so Colby talked really quickly he walked really quick and I'm not that i'm blowing his trumpet but he did everything so much faster because he had older cousins to grow up with yeah does that make sense and he was used to being around other kids whereas like joseph i mean he has got an um a cousin but they're the same age but they're the same age exactly so and he's never known a smaller baby

so now having a smaller baby come in and like and I think it's it's me that's the problem I'm the problem it's me hi hi it's because she's taking my attention away from him that's what he really doesn't like and I think like I'm trying to make time to do stuff with him every day to let him know that like I'm still here and I can still do stuff with you and like now that I've recovered from my c-section that's getting a little bit easier but that's the thing that he's got an issue with I think which is hard because I have to do stuff with her obviously like he particularly doesn't like me feeding her obviously I have to feed the baby so how has he been with the boobie because he was boobie baby wasn't he has he been okay with the boob no he doesn't like it at all when I go to feed her and

I think I think it's because that that activity really takes me out of being able to do stuff with him I'm literally pinned down to the sofa for like sometimes an hour at a time yeah and he really doesn't like that um and when I take my tea like my top you know top off to feed her I'll take my sleeve out he comes over and says put it on put it on and tries to like put my put my-shirt down. But actually yesterday for the first time when I was sitting with him, he pulled his own top up and said, I'm feeding my baby. So I'm like, okay, I think he's starting to like get the hang of it. See?

Now, I know. Slow and steady. Slow and steady. Every day he does little things where I'm like, okay, I think he might be coming round. Warming, yeah. But he still is. I mean, Christ, we've had some tantrums

like the way he's letting me and stefan know that he's pissed off is no joke like fuck me trying to get him in the buggy get his coat on get his shoes on but i feel like that's just a wonderful way of him just expressing himself i know it's stressful it's tiring for you but he is definitely one that knows his own mind and i think that's great for him yeah he is he's very stubborn he's very strong-minded and I think he's just letting us know like I'm a little bit and good on him I say don't take no shit from nobody it's hard it's hard when you're in it because you're like yeah I just want to get out the house like put your fucking shoes on but obviously like you can't take it out on them he's a toddler he doesn't know how to express himself and poor boy like his whole world's been turned upside down the

last three weeks do you know what i mean so yeah we can't blame him but when you're in the moment you have to like exercise so much patience which is not that is such a rational way of being though isn't it so just put your fucking shoes on yeah and then you're like oh god okay yeah this isn't gonna help anybody people always say to me all the time do you get angry or lose your temper with the children i think i did when they were smaller um but i used to get the same reaction out of them if i shouted and lost my shit or if i just stayed calm yeah i get the same reaction out of them even now as they're bigger so what's the point of me stressing out and losing my shit because i'm not going to get a same reaction out of them even now as they're bigger so what's the point of me stressing out and losing my shit because i'm not going to get a different reaction so i think that comes in

with time doesn't it yeah it definitely comes with time age yeah yeah i think you're so right i'm just like just breathe just get through you're completely it's completely rational for you to be feeling this way and going through this yeah and also your ability to deal with a toddler and their tantrums is less when you're sleep deprived and you've been up with a newborn all night. Like this was all have been fine before I had a baby because I had the patience and the capacity to deal with it and I wasn't shattered. Nope. But now it's just like every little thing is just like every little thing is a battle. Every little thing's going to be every little thing is a battle but every little thing's gonna be all right we'll get there but if you had two small children i would love to know how they reacted and how the hell you got through it because

send help i don't know i guess it's hard everybody's is different isn't it i was i was i do feel like i was really lucky that they they just i don't know what it was. I can't answer. I can't explain it. I don't know. The dynamics of having my sister's four children around them may have made Colby a little bit different. He was also in full-time nursery, wasn't he, Colby? Yeah.

So I feel like we already had a lot of detachment. Like he had his own time in his own space before she arrived. So I don't know. I um so i don't know i just i don't know but i love to know the diversity between everybody yeah i would as well be really interesting because i don't know it might just be different children's temperaments like stefan's sisters were saying to him the other day like oh our children just literally never tantrumed they never had a tantrum oh no mine tantrumed that's that oh god bless you i was like yeah how that what who are these angel children but no but then you joke my sister's never tantrumed how this this is what i mean when i say to you my sister when my dad her so she just have had

her fourth everly by the time i'd had but fell pregnant with colby she gave me such a false sense of illusion that parenting was super super easy i said to her that the moment colby came and he just screamed for hours and hours like 17 hours of a day colby would scream at me and i said to my sister like you made this shit look so easy this is false advertising I even say to her now now they're just all so patient so calm so quiet so different to my children and I think sometimes again we put pressure on ourselves to to be a certain way and be like oh well that's how easy parenting is and then in fact the children come along and they take all the traits of me my children are literally me why would i was why did i think my sisters my children would come out and be like my sister and have the mannerisms of my sister who's patient

quiet calm reserved i'm everything she's not you make it look easy though I can't imagine you losing your temper I don't really lose my temper you're chill I'm chill but that doesn't mean that my children don't lose their shit they lose their shit when I was younger I was a handful for my mum

and they are just a handful but they are loud they are crazy they're just a handful but they are they are loud they are they are crazy they're boisterous they're wild they they are just my children you just gotta soak it up you know when people like enjoy every minute you're like okay well maybe not every minute i don't know i do enjoy every minute honestly i soak I say every second up. I'm like, yeah, this is great. Even the good times, the bad times. I'm just like, well, and you know what? I saw a really lovely quote today as well. I follow a chap called Tom Trotter. Honestly, he's just the most wholesome, patient, wonderful human. human he's that person on social media that you just need to see every day to just know that the world is okay there's great people out there he's just a really wholesome wonderful human being and he put a video on with his mum and he said um be patient with your parents this is their first

time living as well and i was just like oh my god because sally his mum she's never done it before and then i was like fuck we've never lived before like this is our first time living as well as our And I was just like, oh, my God, because Sally, his mum, she's never done it before. And then I was like, fuck, we've never lived before. Like, this is our first time living as well as our baby's living. And it just really hit me this morning. And I was just like, shit, that is so true. Like, I've got to be patient with my mum and dad because, you know, they're only just living for the first time. And it just it was a really wonderful quote. And I just think if we can just enjoy it as much

as we can every day and sometimes it's a bad day not a bad life and i understand there's bad people are going through bad stuff but if i can just make somebody smile for a day you know for an hour five minutes if i can just make someone smile and yeah don't know where i'm going with that but i know i need some of those deep quotes in my life honestly it gives you a bit of perspective doesn't it yeah it does give you some perspective because i just think we get so lost in everything going on don't we that sometimes we just need to take a step back breathe and just know that this is all normal the process of life is all normal for us everything we're going through is so normal and it's going to be okay it all it'll all work out we're all going to be

all right god love you tune in next week for some more affirmations is it i love it positive affirmations with safina new channel emma and i really want to hear from you yes we do we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, Hello.

You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mum Pod, or you can email us, hello at secretmumpod.com. And we are hitting up the Correspondence Corner. okay this one says hi soph and emma i felt compelled to write in after the magic pumps episode as it made me cry i had my baby at 24 weeks oh so she was classed as micro preemie we spent 117 days in three different neonatal units in the southwest

and it was the most traumatic thing i've ever lived through oh sofina's description of walking into the room made me cry because i haven't heard anyone talk about nikus before i felt so lonely in my experience as it's so rare and a crappy club to be in you talking about it made me feel seen and i just wanted to say thank you for talking about your experience as hard as it was because it's talking about the traumatic births that makes other mums that go through them feel less alone you'll be happy to know my miracle Mia is now a healthy happy and very cheeky little two-year-old loose oh that is beautiful isn't it oh that's what we were just saying I think you helped a lot of people by sharing your experience as hard as it was i think a lot of people would have um really appreciated hearing that oh god bless you and i'm so proud of you and thank you for sharing your story that's a beautiful story

and i'm glad she's thriving i know i've never heard of micro preemie before have you no never micro preemie i don't know because my i know that my-in-law, her sister had hers very little. But that's very diddy. So, God, that takes some courage and some strength. I take my hat off to you, honestly. Wow. Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you, Luce.

Thank you. All right. Stephanie has messaged in. She says, hi, ladies. Just weighing in on the pumped chats. My little girl was also born prematurely at 29 weeks. And I'm sure many other preemie mums will agree it's very hard to express and feed. However, I think after a few weeks, you really establish your supply and you find it much easier.

The only problem is when I didn't express for a little while, my boobs would become solid. Also, a hacker to collect the milk on the boob whilst feeding was really useful. All the love, Stephanie. Have you heard of that? No. Someone recommended that to me last time yeah because you're when you feed from one boob and the other boob is really full they they go off at the same time so you put a pump on it so you put uh it's like a thing to collect the milk coming out of the boob you're not using and then none of it goes to waste yeah

stop it that's phenomenal that's well stephanie's just coming in with the with the hacks yeah hacker life hacker see what i did there yeah go on stephanie well thank you for sharing that stephanie that's wonderful yeah amazing and another preemie mummy too another preemie mum yeah so many yeah well done because it's hard enough. Honestly, like breastfeeding is hard enough even when your baby is full term. But I think establishing and pumping and expressing and feeding and all that when you have a premature baby must be even harder. So go you. Go you, rock star. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all.

Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are not long not long until the band is back together the bitches are back in the studio that was to me that was in tune for a little bit and then it went out to me that sounded fantastic i don't think we could get it much better nailed it each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the secret mum club so here is my secret of the week i always feel like these secrets are me basically outing myself aren't they so with the return to school you'll never guess what we done go on we put damp we put damp wet

water bottles away for two weeks can you tell what they did go on they went moldy so i had to deal with that first thing on monday morning not only that did i then make the packed lunches because spoiler alert if you haven't seen on my social medias we are back into the lunch boxes we're back packing them revealing them i'm even back cooking if you didn't know that's pretty much a secret yeah i'm back i'm back sharing all my old shit that i used to share many moons ago and so in the midst of making lunchboxes, I asked Colby, where is your lunchbox? It's not in the cupboard where your sister's is. Colby went, oh, it might be in my rucksack.

I said, oh, wonderful. Where's your rucksack? In my wardrobe. Has been for the whole school holidays. For two weeks. With, hang on, with food in it. I just want to know how many people actually did it. I have no shame to admit that I did this.

I bet that's actually really common. I think it's really common. I don't think it's really a secret. I just think I'm, I'm not making it a thing. I'm just saying it's a thing that's completely normal. Everybody's doing it, aren't they? Not out of choice, you know, because, and then in the mix of making the lunch boxes, we also in the holidays actually bought new Smiggles lunch boxes because the babies wanted brand new lunch boxes. It's like our spring summer collection. Oh, so that's going to be my next

question. So did you, how did you not realise that colby's lunchbox was missing but you had a new one anyway so you thought so we bought that we bought the bags so that they because i bought the i bought the little tupperware ones that were just going into the rucksack but colby said he wanted like a proper one right so that when he takes it out he said i don't want to carry my lunchbox i I want one with a little handle. Right. Of course. So we, it's obviously first world problems for the children to not have a lunchbox in a bag. He's like, I don't want everyone to see my lunch. And I said, but you're going to sit down and open your lunchbox

and everyone's going to see your lunch. And he was like, yeah, but I would like a lunchbox. I said, you know what? Let's just go and get you a lunchbox. So we went to Smiggles in the holidays got their lunchboxes um and when I went to make them on Monday morning the lunchboxes that my sister so kindly personalized for me back before the school holidays didn't fit inside the new lunchbox so I just cut the top off now it fits inside there so i can confirm that we if anybody else forgot about the lunchboxes in the boot of the car the footwell of the car wardrobes

wherever the lunchbox may be um we were right there with you yeah on monday morning but to be fair there was no moldy sandwich or anything in there yeah i was gonna say what was the state of what was left inside i think we had a leftover frube tube oh a leftover cake wrapper and i want to say like a packet of crisps but it wasn't it wasn't it could have been could have been worse banana banana cake sandwich crust can you imagine cheese oh so no that was my secret this week so if anybody else anybody else did a me on a monday morning frantically trying to just scrape the mold out of the corner of the the lunchbox and then the lunchbox didn't even fit in the bag and i fucking cut it cut it anyway perfect i just took perfect took the lid so yeah that really you've got all this that sums up mum life doesn't it you've got

all this to come yeah i also bought i bought rendley a lunchbox and everybody's like can you tell us what you put in his lunchbox just just some milk just just milk yeah joseph keeps offering sadie's food that he has at the moment i'm like she just she just has milk she doesn't he's got a little shopping trolley and he's like avocado no not not yet how about baby have a kiwi no no just milk is fine is it pretend pretend food or real food a bit both yeah sometimes oh sometimes he tries to offer his actual food uh sometimes what he does like to do is empty all the fake plastic food out into her Moses basket. So sometimes I look at her and she's just drowning in like eggs.

Drowning in eggs and sweet corn from the trolley. Do you know there was one horrifying time that when Colby and Dottie were little. I want to say Dottie was in the Moses basket. I walked into, I literally walked out the room for two seconds Colby had had his lunch he was set up at his table he was doing bits walked up to must have obviously seen mum's out the room I'll go check on the baby walked into him inserting a grape into her mouth the fear the absolute fear that ran over me i was like no a whole grape because parents will know that grapes are the work of evil for giving to children you've got to slice them up nice and thin you've got no we were on quarters i've never given a whole grape because

the fear of the whole grape literally makes me want to shit my pants yeah i cannot handle that so it's like a it was like a slice of grape like a still too big still yeah still far too big fat she shouldn't have had food anyway she was only about two months old there was no no food but you know that moment and i literally scared the shit out of him i think he threw the grapes across the room was like oh no baby baby can't have baby can't have food now dots does the same now she's like can, can Renly have some applesauce? Because of YouTube. YouTube, all they feed babies is applesauce.

So she's like, oh, we'll be able to feed him some applesauce soon. And I'm like, yeah, not for a very long time. Maybe in about a year. Not for a very long time. And then she does, she asks me the same thing. She's like, so what can he eat? When can he eat that? Why can he not eat that now how bad for him how bad for him he has to drink milk every day i don't think i'd like to drink milk every day and you're like you did you did once upon a time did that this is the conversation that i had today on the 20 minute sleep. I was like, yeah,

this is what I'm saying. When you're tired, your capacity to deal with this bullshit is so much less. My head was just like, no, I even feel now recording this. I feel like my, it's all over the place. The whole episode's all over the place.

There's going to be no flow to this episode whatsoever. Why? I'm fucking knackered today. And do you know what? There's me. be no flow to this episode whatsoever. Why? I'm fucking knackered today. And do you know what? There's me. Not that I was... Obviously, I was talking about how well he's doing with his sleeping at the moment. Because we're getting good sleep.

Yeah. So, of 8 and 10, he has a bottle. But then he's going down until like 1 o'clock. So, that's a good stint of sleep that I can get in. Yeah, that's brilliant. And then he does 1 till 7 normally. But he's doing that, but you're not sleeping, are you get in. Yeah, that's brilliant. And then he does one till seven normally. But he's doing that but you're not sleeping,

are you? No. No. I'm not sleeping. I obviously do that thing where I check all the time when he's asleep and then I do the,

is he breathing? Yeah. Every time. It doesn't go away. It doesn't get any fucking easier. No. And I say to Chris, I can't see the blanket moving.

Can you check him? And he's like, fucking, yeah, he's fine. Yeah, I still do joseph now and he's two yeah never goes i do it with colby he's seven i do it with chris sometimes he's 35 it's not even he's not even my child oh gosh anywho well that's my secret of the week and also some other shit that i didn't share back in the catch-up so you're welcome but next next we're going to be hearing some of yours on the Secret Mom Club. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Celine Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas LeBlanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com

This is the Secret Mum Club, the safe space for you to share your shit here. Shit or secrets, either one of them will take it. But we've got three from you this week that we're going to be discussing. So Emma, hit us with number one. All right, this one says, Hi ladies, when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my son, my mother-in-law invited herself

to come and stay with us for two months without asking. What? She literally took over... Excuse me? Sorry, what? She literally took over everything. Cooking what she literally took over everything cooking cleaning etc it was her first grandchild so to say she was excited is an understatement

at 39 weeks the doctors decided to induce labor and we had the most beautiful baby whilst i was resting my hubby brings his mum around i was struggling to breastfeed so i had asked for a lactation nurse to help me my mother-in-law is in the room when she arrived and decides to stay. It was a little uncomfortable because I didn't want to flash my boobs to my mother-in-law. The nurse shows me a couple of tricks and leaves us alone in the room. My mother-in-law then walks over, walks over, lifts my right breast and proceeds to hold it in her hand. She tells me how she breastfed boob in hand. I honestly was beyond stunned and could not speak. I told my husband.

This is the straw that broke the camel's back. I told my husband and we decided to ask her to go back home for a while as we wanted to enjoy the first few weeks together so we wouldn't have another boob grabber situation. Love you both. Lisa from Fayetteville, Georgia, USA. Is that how you say that?

Fayetteville? In Georgia? Georgia, USA. USA, baby. Oh my fucking God. Oh, what the fuck, Lisa? What the fuck? My 20 minute no sleep and brain cannot fathom this

so she so when she's fed with boob in hand then what did somebody hold her boob so no it sounds like she's probably holding the baby with one hand and holding her own boob with the other hand and like squeezing her milk into the baby's mouth like a cow's udder. And she just grabbed your tit? I mean, fine if you want to do that to yourself, but don't be doing it to me. What a violation. No. No, thank you.

I don't really talk about, like, Chris's side of the family. It's not something I talk about because it's not my business to talk about. But obviously people are aware that we don't see Chris's side of the family but I could not I could imagine no not getting my boobie out to her I don't think I'd even like to get my boob out to my mum no I was just gonna say like mother-in-law is another level mum I think that would still be weird but like less weird maybe I think I could flash my boob to my sister like i'm not bothered about my sister seeing my boob like that that doesn't bother me but i just don't think my mum would appreciate the tech you know i would not want that like i remember finding that weird when i came home from hospital with joseph and i think we've spoken about this on

the podcast before we had my parents and stefan's parents come and visit like the very next day and that just felt really uncomfortable because you're still like trying to establish your breastfeeding so that's pretty much like a full boob out situation you're literally a first time mum and I'm laying there like with my nipples out and Stefan's dad's popping in like anyone want a cup of tea I'm like actually I'd really rather there was nobody in my house at the moment thank you very much but he didn't to be fair to him

didn't grab my tits so there's that you hoped he did I hoped he would come in I don't want a tea I just want you to grab my titty oh while you're in

can you just come in and cut my breast I could do with an extra pair of hands actually if you've got a minute while the kettle's boiling do you want to just come in here give me an extra hand oh no even in front of my own mum and dad i'm a bit like i'm gonna feed now like can everyone just avert their eyes is that the same with um was that just with joseph or do you feel the same now that you've

had sadie as well i think you definitely get more confident like i remember towards the end of breastfeeding joseph like it literally just wasn't even a thing like you can just like pop your top up whack them on it's not even a problem and obviously like you feed in public and and you get more confident um but at the beginning like i have had issues at the beginning feeding sadie as well so like with her it again is like basically a full boob out situation while you're trying to get like get that sorted yeah get a good latch so at the moment like I'm not still like super comfortable to have people around like loads of people around the house and I'm trying to feed you know I mean

but yeah it's um you definitely you get more confident as you go on for sure love that yeah god bless you okay well let's roll into number two all right this says hi sophina and emma i need some advice on what to do my friend recently had a baby four months old now and when she was pregnant i gave her our nursing chair baby toys baby carrier loads of baby grows etc I did say I wanted them back as I definitely know I'll want to try for another baby in the future. About a week ago she posted a picture on Instagram with a teddy that was made from one of our baby grows. Which were my boys! My heart shattered. I do see both sides but I thought she would have asked just in case I did want them back. I messaged her and said I was upset but she didn't respond very sincerely and said she

thought I had kept all the sentimental bits. I did apologize for messaging her about it, but she never replied and we haven't spoken since. I'm worried that this has now caused an awkwardness between us and I'm also worried what she's done with all the other bits I gave her to use. What should I do now? Should I ask for all the stuff that she isn't using? I do want to clear the air, but I'm also really hurt by this and I feel like i always have to be the bigger person and let things go love you and congratulations to you both natalie oh yeah i think you are definitely right to ask for your stuff back especially if you told her in the first place that you were going to want them back for your future children what the hell i'm literally lost for words gobsmackedacked. Yeah, I am. So obviously sentimental bits you have keepen.

Keepen. Sentimental bits you have kept. But obviously the baby grows that were passed over. I don't know about those. I think what's hard is that the baby grows that you've handed over, maybe she made the bear because it was sentimental, because they were passed on from you as well. That one's a hard one.

I don't know how I feel about the bear. The bears, I don't really know, because I think once you've passed them on, that one's a little bit of a difficult one. Well, Natalie does... But I think I would have asked. She does suggest that she had said to her, I'm going to want all this stuff back in future for my children.

So I think if you've said that, then don't go and be making a bear out of my baby gross. No, yeah, you're right. Sorry, I got so lost in the midst of that. Yeah, no, if you're asking, yeah, so if you've asked for stuff back for you to try again, yeah, no, fuck that. Fuck that.

Yeah. Yeah. Also, I would, yeah, I think you're going to gonna have to message her i'm so gobsmacked i'm just i'm just gobsmacked i don't understand how she hasn't been very sincere yeah i mean there's i think there's a misunderstanding here like i don't know whether it was like intentionally nasty i think maybe the friend that got all the stuff had just assumed that it was hers to keep of course you know maybe it hadn't been made clear that she was meant to be giving it back yeah but i'd also waste no time you need to message her and say yeah do you know any chance you know i could get the the bits back that i loaned you yeah and also i think you could say

something about uh you know you don't want it to get any yeah just say you're just a little bit confused with regards to like the bear. And obviously you've made it aware, made it clear that you, you would just let, loaning the bits to her. And just to not have any more of these awkward situations. Is there any chance you could just maybe grab the other bits back? Again, it's awkward though, isn't it? And it's always one of those things is that loaning stuff to people and giving stuff to people is very difficult because as well, people don't ever look after stuff,

may not look after things as well as you look after things. That's the thing that you try and do something nice, you end up shooting yourself in the foot. Yeah, so I just think, and this one, you have just been so incredibly incredibly nice and I think people do take advantage of that which is a little bit sad but it may just be that she's not she's not understood the situation so maybe just have an honest I don't think you need to be the bigger person and just let it go I don't think you should do that at all I definitely do think that you

should be honest and let her know how you're feeling and just say look it's a I'm a little bit sad that you did that as obviously i did make it clear that we were we were just lending the bits to you and maybe going on from that conversation you can just be like do you know what i think it might be best um if i grab the other bits back just because i don't want anything to happen or to have this this awkwardness again you know yeah i don't want any more of my shit turned into a teddy bear no thank you very much bless you that is a hard one to go through yeah i don't think i've ever i don't think that's ever happened i was trying to think if that's ever happened to me but i don't know that it has well did you get a lot of stuff from your sister because my sister gave me all the stuff from my nephew Seb when I had Joseph because it

was like the perfect age they'd finished using all the baby stuff they gave it to us but then selfishly we both got pregnant second time around at the same time so then having Sadie I had to give all shit back to my sister and buy it all myself which was but I did give it back I didn't turn any of it into teddy bears no and we're still waiting for Sissy to have her baby so we don't know if we're going to just be giving all Sadie's stuff over to Sissy now. Because she's still having. She hasn't had hers yet. We're still waiting.

Waiting to see. Waiting to see. Stay tuned. Yes. My sister loaned the stuff to me. So I had Dottie. I had Colby. And then obviously we had fell pregnant with the twins, but we lost the twins.

So I said to my sister, when we were pregnant with the twins uh can I keep hold of the baby bits like she lent me bouncers and uh baby beyond carrier and all of them bits um obviously we then lost the twins but I then held on to the bits because my sister was like why don't you just keep them at yours and when you're done with them let me know so then I fell pregnant with Dottie used the same bits for Dot the same bouncy chairs and stuff like that obviously then we decided that we weren't going to have any more babies so I offered it all back to my sister I said what do you want me to do with because she was done having her four so I was like what do you want me to do with it and I think some bits she took back and sold on and then other bits she just said she didn't want to she said you can give them to to other people if they would like them but yeah I think out of respect I offered them back to

to her yeah I think that's the right thing to do because and people spend a lot of money on this yeah as well it's not cheap and as well and I thought even if my sister doesn't want to use them she can resell them on because they were hers to resell and make money back off of them exactly yes so natalie i think you just need to communication not not suck it up definitely yeah definitely get it off your chest regardless of how uh regardless if it is a little bit awkward awkward i think it's best to talk about it and get it off your chest because i think it'll bother you for the rest of your life if you don't talk about it. Yeah. And you don't want to lose a friend over this.

You know, this could be resolved. I think you just need to let her know how you feel. I fully, fully agree. Right. Let's get this last secret underway. Hello, Soph and Emma. I wanted to share a story about my firstborn son from when he was around 18 months old. and Emma, I wanted to share a story about my firstborn son from when he was around 18 months old. We had a baby gate at his bedroom door for safety and he was just playing quietly with his toys while I was getting ready for work. As mums, you know all too well that when it's too quiet, you panic and think, what is he getting into? Yep. Well, the thing that made me realise that same thought was a funny smell that just wafted into the bathroom while I was getting ready. I jumped up, looked into his room only to find him standing there, oh God, with his diaper off, finger painting the

walls with his poop. The poop was quite literally everywhere on the walls, smashed into the carpet or all over him. You name it, poo was on it. And the smell, oh, i was pregnant at the time so my smell senses were very sensitive and my stomach couldn't handle it just as i yelled oh no my hubby walked my hubby walked in and asked what's wrong i turned around grabbed my keys and said go look in the baby's room now i'm late for work it's a big cleanup love you bye i dodged a bullet there love the pod from melanie god bless you melanie i love the um i literally love the pregnancy jobs that you can go sorry i'm pregnant this is making me too sick i'm out i actually miss those i actually miss the fact that i can't say to chris i'm pregnant i can't i can't do that or like when i try and use a cleaning product and i'm like oh

no you'll have to clean the windows because I'm not allowed to use it. I know. I was literally saying that towards the end of my pregnancy. I was like, I'm really sad about soon not being able to use this as an excuse. Like taking Joseph to soft play and other parents just basically looking after him

because I'm like, I can't crawl through soft play. I'm heavily pregnant. Yeah, but now just keep Sadie under your top so people just apparently think you're just boobie boobie feeding the baby you can get away with it for a little bit longer when you've got a newborn but i feel like those excuses are that time is running out you know yes um that is disgusting disgusting do you want to know something that's really bad right there was this one time i had a play date with a girl that I don't actually talk to anymore, but she may listen.

So if you do, hello. And I hope everything's well with you. But we were having this play date, yeah. And one of her babies took off his nappy. And you know when you can smell poo, but it's not the normal poo that you can smell? And you're like, hmm, I smell poo, but that's not my son's poo.

That's... Yeah. I smell poo, but that's someone else's poo. But her child had taken his nappy off and smeared poo in colby's bedroom and it was like down the bars of the baby gate and colby was just sat there like playing with his cars and the child was just oh i think it's bad enough when it's your own child's poo but when it's someone else's yeah i was gagging at the the the other poo you know oh

hell no did the mum clean it up um we both cleaned it up it was just an unfortunate situation that it had happened you know that is my worst nightmare like honestly when melanie says poo smushed into the carpet it sends you had a poo shiver down my spine you had poo in your carpet not so long ago yeah but it was a solid turd do you know we could just pick it up and dispose of it it wasn't like smushed in like you're never gonna get that carpet the same again never again i hope you recovered from that melanie and i hope when you got home it was beautifully clean yeah i think perfectly dealt with perfectlyalt with like an absolute champ. I'm out.

I'm late for work. Gotta go. Bye. Yeah, peace out. Okay. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everybody is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you want to share your secrets with us, you can.

The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram have you artistically used poop or have you or have you dealt with a boob grabber in the family please do let us know there really is nothing too outrageous and keep an eye out for our thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the secret mom a cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again?

I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Cé Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood, available wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.