Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Bouncy Avocado

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

We've heard some crazy birthing stories... Well, now it's time for a crazy AFTERBIRTH story. Plus the ladies are rating one mum's birthing playlist and it's safe to say there are some bangers on there! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and we're we're what we're welcoming you to our thursdays where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week all up am i all right you're okay hun no i'm not okay all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? Sadie says yes. Sadie says let's do it. It's time for another Correspondence Corner. So Emma, let's have a number one.

This one is from Charlie. She says, hey ladies, you talking about the birth playlist reminded me of the one I made. Enjoy. So I've picked out several tracks Charlie included in her playlist. So let's rate them. Oh, my goodness. Are you ready? I'm excited.

Salt and Pepper. Push it. Salt and Pepper's here. We're in a bet. Want you to push it bad. Proving my days and my nights. Want you to work in the persuade. Oh, yeah.

That works The labour Yeah, but what are we going to rate that as? How many have we got? Seven Oh, that's good One, two, three, four, five, six, seven Would have to come in at Eight

I think, what, are we ranking them out of ten? I think ten out of ten Obviously you've got to have Push It on a labour playlist Yeah, Push It Ten out of ten It's a ten Ready for this one? Yeah

Johnny Cash, Ring of Fire Fell down in a burning ring of fire That's rude That's rude it's a 10 ready for this one yeah Johnny Cash Ring of Fire fell down in a burning ring of fire that's a 2 out of 10 rude I like I like where she was

going with the lyrics yeah but not necessarily not the right vibe no wouldn't get you going sounds a bit too like he's

going through the Texas on a horse bareback too western too western for me that one no no

so 2 out of ten that one all right this one yep sean mendez stitches i'll be needing stitches too close to home i feel like you didn't do that i feel like you didn't do that one any justice hit it again from the top so i don't know the names of the songs i know the song but i don't know the name. That's why I have to sing them for you. Right, so go again. I'm not sure on the...

I'll be needing stitches. That's the one, yeah. Yeah. No, not that tune. Doesn't let, doesn't let your kisses. I'll be needing stitches. You will be if you do a meme. Just rocket a baby out of your vagina.

Yeah, exactly. That one would go for a five out of ten. Yeah. Meet in the middle. It's appropriate, but for some people, too close to close to the bone yeah but a little bit too close to the clunge all right ready for the next one yes queen i want to break free that's a solid that was the soundtrack of redley leaving my vagina. Yeah, he wanted to break free. He couldn't wait. In fact, he came out in half an hour?

15 minutes. 15 minutes. Yes, yeah. And he ripped that from front to back. I'm giving that a 10, 10. Yeah. Would you agree? I agree.

Good. It's a classic. Classic. Lady Gaga, Born This Way. I didn't want to take, but now it's your mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby. I was born this way i didn't want to take and now it's your mistakes i'm on the right track baby i was born this way you actually sounded really good like lady gaga you sounded so good in my ears thank you i don't know how that's going to translate back but for this split second that was good i

always think we sound good in the earphones then when it comes out on camera do you want to know a really fun story emma does like little singing for for the family what do you along with stefan so they all play an instrument you just sing like the von traps yeah his family are like the von trap family cos welsh obviously they can all sing because they're an instrument i i don't emma tries to fit in i try to just yeah um yeah i like the idea of a baby just just like storming out to born this way like so fabulous already yeah gargoygush is not the one for me though. Oh, I love that song. Do you?

And I feel like you could really hit it. Like if you're in labour you'd be like Baby, I was born I was born this way Baby's here. Imagine the baby

just come out and you're like Born This Way. Yeah, exactly. I think that's fabulous it's a 10 from me okay you don't like that one i'll go with you on that one okay i'll go with you a vanilla ice ice ice baby i do love a pregnancy announcement to an ice ice baby why when people do a bag of ice and they go ice ice and then show the scan picture

yeah yeah or that would also work for like when the baby's born. You do bag of ice, bag of ice, baby. Ice on the crotch, you know. Oh, that's what she means. Yeah. It's a bit tenuous for me. I'm giving it a six. Ten, ten for that one, Charlie. Ten, ten. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Sick beat though. That's such a sick beat. Imagine if you just be like. Ice, ice. Yeah. That's a good breathing technique, isn't it? Yeah. Ice, ice. feel the burn all right next one frozen let it go no i i can't something weird about pushing a baby

out to a disney song yeah i just can't with that song i don't want to destroy it for watching it with dotty and be like fuck yeah my whole vagina fell out right on cue. Yeah. Right, I hit the top note of the chorus. Yeah. My vagina ripped back to from. It's a good one

to let it go to because it's such a belter of an anthem but I just can't with that song. I've heard it too many times. Yeah, and I just don't know if I want Elsa present

at the birth. No. It's a one for me. Yeah. That's a solid one. Sorry, sorry. Final one.

Oh, this best be good. It's a good one. Is it? Yeah, it's a solid one. Sorry, Jan. Sorry, Jan. Final one. Oh, this best we good. It's a good one. Is it? Yeah, it's a classic. Lion King. Circle of life. Hold the baby up like Simba.

We've all done it. Yeah, maybe when you're on the ward and you're just looking out the hospital window. Circle of life. Not when it comes out your foo-foo. No. I don't want the baby to come out and then slow-mo just be

didn't one of the kardashians pull the baby out of her vagina well i feel like that's how it is normally in a water birth because it comes out and then they hand it to you like through your legs i think courtney wasn't it courtney that actually reached in and just pulled the baby out honestly it was when she had penelope was it did they show that on camera yeah i think there was a clip of it not actually the actual vagina bit but i think they showed the birth and she just literally reached down and pulled the baby out of her vagina yeah water but hit us up courtney yeah if you're listening which we know you are let us know this podcast reaches far and wide all right you just never know you never know who's listening so court hit us up's listening. So Court, hit us up.

I think it was Penelope. I don't think it was Mason. And what about, what's the new one called? Rocky? Yeah. But she's got another one in between there, hasn't she? She's got Mason, Penelope. Mason, Penelope, Rain and Rocky.

Rain and Rocky. Yeah. Knowledge. Love that part. I don't want to say we watch it. I don't want to say I'm a super fan, but secretly Emma is. Oh, yeah. I love it. She loves shit tv i love hey she loves shit tv reality tv she's been watching maths milfs maths maths the real the real fans know married at first sight australia trash telly that is no

i posted about it the other day actually and i had a lot of dms did you saying they're really into it actually i post about my pile let's not offend all our listeners who also love no because we all like different things don't we yeah but that is just a bit too for me i want it to actually generally be real and it's not i know it makes me really sad that because they're in my poor dyslexic brain i'm so naive in the fact that i generally fell so deeply into that and i was like oh they all got married then i googled them after the series do they not actually get married i don't think i don't think they do because none of them were together after the show some of them were yeah like four couples stay together oh please google them when you get home don't tell me it's

not real you just got to suspend your disbelief just you told me that poor program with marty mccutcheon who who was it marilyn marilyn what was that woman's name i don't know she's married to mark wright michelle keegan right we watched that program with her in yeah for me once how trashy the acting was on there hey hey you watch milfs hey michelle might be. I love Michelle Keegan, but I didn't like that program. Okay. She's hanging out with the MILFs in the dead of the night while she's boobying her baby. And I'm here watching great TV.

Maths is great breastfeeding viewing because there's so many episodes and it takes so long. Sadie's down with it. I've watched nearly 40 episodes. She loves it. Does she? I've got her into it. Stefan's fuming.

Anyway, Circle of Life, 10. You've got to have it. You've got to have it. I'd say five. Anyway, Circle of Life, 10. You've got to have it. You've got to have it. I'd say five. Okay. Not for the vagina exit. It's another Disney one. Yes.

It's just weird with Disney. Disney and childbirth don't go together. No, it's a little bit heroin, isn't it? A little bit scary. A little bit. I mean, the Lion King. Heroin? Heroin?

Is it heroin? No, it's not heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Heron? That's not heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Heron? That's a bird. It's not that one.

Right. Thank you, Charlie. Charlie, we hope that helped you through. Yeah, I hope you had a great delivery from that. That's phenomenal vagina behaviour, isn't it? Also, that she only needed eight songs on her playlist. What I want to know is, if she's got this much of a phenomenal playlist to give birth,

is she a sex music person? You know, when people put music on to have sex. Let's get it on. Do you play music when you have sex? No. Let's get it on. That's a classic one. I want a one to ten on what's best songs to have sex to are.

Sexual healing. Let's get it on. Or the Marvin Gaye. Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on. Oh, what's the... Boys to Men. Boys to Men. Oh, God, how does that go? That's such a good one. Love to you, like you

want me to, and I'll hold you tight, baby, all through the night, I'll make love to you, like you want me to, and I will not let Baby, all through the night I'll make love to you. Like you are baby. And I will not let go. To tell me that. Go girl.

But that's clearly how we made our babies. Yeah, we want to know. A bit of voice to men. Send us your sex playlist. Yeah. I don't think I've ever listened to music while I'm having sex. No. It's a bit cringe, isn't it?

I don't know. People are very romantic, aren't they? Watched an insane documentary the other day go on the betrayal of a proud husband you're not going to watch it because you like i only watch reality tv yeah um and it was about a man who had this high school sweetheart they separated at university because she wanted to have her last year because he'd he'd graduated and moved on she was a little bit younger, so she stayed on. They split up for 20 years.

He married somebody else, had two children. Then all these years later, rekindled their love back for each other, got married. And then he just randomly got arrested one day. And he'd had this massive, huge double life of this betrayal, of having endless, endless amounts of affair. Like a whole, this is real life, a whole like Fifty Shades of Grey. Jesus. Being like a dominatrix.

And he was like, he was winning teacher of the year twice, two years in a row, he was teacher of the year. He had all this like, people used to say lovely things about him, such lovely relationships with people. And then bam. Well, it just goes to show, I reckon people

like that have like a music sex playlist yeah you think you know someone you just don't know anybody technically i could have asked you and you've gone actually i love her itchy legs in the kitchen yeah marvin gay actually i'm living a secret life i've got 50 lovers i haven't got time to make dinner let alone have 50 lovers i ain't got time to eat a fucking sandwich yeah let alone pick a fucking another time to drink a hot cup of tea i haven't got time to be honest poor man right let's have a number two all right another message hey ladies i had my first baby in august 2023 a beautiful baby girl oh congratulations congrats listening to your recent episodes it reminded me of the dreaded bush fear i had leading up to my

elective c-section for weeks i was wondering how i was going to get my short arms around my big bulging bump to reach my hairy beef even better to reach my hairy beef i had considered asking my partner to shave it for me, but I didn't fancy losing a flap just to have a trendy foo-foo. As time went on, my mind was occupied with the fast approaching C-section and I forgot to shave. No one told me that when you get the stitches, the dressing goes so far down it covers the top part of your foo-foo. Fast forward a few days after and the midwife comes to my house

to take off the dressing in pure fear i laid back on the bed and what i can only describe as a slow motion salon style wax occurred from danny oh yeah i remember i i had that obviously when they removed my dressing it didn't pull any hair out because they did shave me in theatre so mine was already dealt with but she only had a shave she only had a shave in theatre they had the electric razors after me didn't they i don't know what's worse being in theatre with a hedge trimmer or having an absolute wax of my brand new scar at home oh days later that's not what you need is it it's not what you need when you've just given birth yeah no god bless

her ouch god bless can you imagine if you look at the hairs and they still got the root on the top oh you know when you have a wax and you've got the little white oh they love showing it to you as well don't they i find it really fascinating yeah yeah like when you get to see the placenta like you're never gonna see that are you no not very often i I see the roots of my pubes. So show me. Show me it all. Show me. So thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next, it's time for one of your secrets. Welcome back.

We love a secret on The Secret Mum Club. Yeah, you're all so good at sharing. So, Emma, what have you got for me today? All right, this comes from Alexis. She says, hello, I'm a mum at a four under five of four under five what what wow that's a lot of itchy legs i just had twin babies oh there we go wow a boy and a girl in february and i have two older girls who are two and four wow i was reminded of an embarrassing story from my previous delivery with my two-year-old it was our first night in the postpartum room i got up at about 2 a.m to stand and rock my baby when all of a sudden I felt the sensation that something big was coming out of

my fufu. I called the nurse who came into the bathroom with me to see what was going on. When I pulled down my pants, we were greeted by a blood clot the size of an avocado sitting on my pad. I literally just stared at it. The nurse got a look and said, oh yeah, that's normal. Wrap it up in the pad and throw it away just let me know if you have more of those because we'll need to start weighing them for blood loss purposes she left the bathroom and i stared at this avocado for a good minute before trying to take my pad off as i was wrapping it up it bounced out of my pad and bounded across the bathroom floor leaving a trail behind it on the floor i cleaned myself up whilst it was staring at me from across the

room i then got a bunch of paper towels and chased down my bouncy avocado blood clot across the room to throw it away it was honestly the most embarrassing and weird thing i've ever experienced to this day only my husband knows love alexis from san diego usa what In the phenomenal paranormal. What in the name? Is it paranormal? What in the name of postpartum blood clots? Blood clots. What in the blood clot?

I am absolutely gobsmacked. Just like it's got a life of its own. And it was bouncy, like a bouncy ball. Like Flubber, I'm imagining. Do you want to play with it? Baby, what do you think of that? She's got no thoughts. She's actually speechless. She's she's actually um speechless

she's actually she's speechless for words lots of words i don't know how i feel about that one oh yeah and bless her heart being in the toilet and i don't understand how like these things are so i know that midwives do this every single day and they don't want to scare you so i get that but just like the nonchalant just wrap it up and chuck it in the bin. Oh yeah. Totally normal. That's my whole DNA. That's just fallen out of my vagina.

Just got to be chucked in the bin. Crazy. That is wild. Also not embarrassing. I don't think. No. Just incredible what your body does after birth. Yeah.

I'm imagining everything was okay then. So we didn't have any follow-ups from that. There was no other blood clots. Well, I hope there wasn't. God bless you. Because what an ordeal. But how peculiar. I've never heard of that.

Have you? No. Never. I've heard of people having big blood clots. Yeah. But none as big as an avocado. And with a life of its own just bounding across the floor. Yeah, like a flubber. Like, pew, pew, pew.

That's what I... Pew. Bless you. God bless you. Yeah, that's what I bless you god bless you yeah that's what i'm imagining wow ping ping ping ping that's absolutely flubber glasted me flubber glasted flubber glasted flubber glasted flubber glasted that's hard to say flabber isn't it flabber glasted flabber but i'm saying flubber obviously yeah good one good thank you good pun i thought that was wasted on you then i was gonna say never never well thanks alexis thank you so much and i hope everything was okay after that

i hope everything was okay after having the twins as well because she's gone on to have more babies i just hope you're okay in general having four children under five because i've got two and it's mental i hope you're doing okay yeah that's that is wild isn't it i'm always scared of going for a third and then having twins then you end up with four kids Yeah because I thought about this the other day and I thought if we did actually want to potentially go for a fourth baby You could have five Wow That's a really

actually makes you feel quite sick doesn't it That's actually quite a scary feeling This happened to my friend, her mum went for a third Twins And you've got twins in the family But I think if I had two, and Renly was a twin, I think four would have been okay. Yeah, but not now.

But no. Something about it really does twinge my vagina. Not in a good way. Not in a good way. So have you chased down a bouncy blood clot? Let us know. Email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram.

And we'll be back first thing on Monday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. So we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.