Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Bump Boundary

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

Colby is back from his school trip and Soph couldn’t be happier to have him home! Meanwhile, Emma’s been making magical memories on a family trip to Disneyland, where Joseff embraced his thrill-seeking side. Plus, a listener writes in after one too many unsolicited baby bump touches. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you tired of being told to pipe down pet, calm down love, or worst of all, get a grip? Oh it just gets us so riled up even thinking about it. Well if you're sick of biting your tongue, we're here to help you let it all hang out. To call out the chaos and make some noise, I'm Angela Scanlon. And I'm Vicky Patterson. Our new podcast is the unapologetic group chat you've always wanted. Introducing Get a Grip. So if you're done with holding back, this is your space. Listen wherever you get always wanted. Introducing Get a Grip. So if you're done with holding back,

this is your space. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I am Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You give that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

Buh-buh-buh-buh. Guess where I've been this week. Not for a boob job. What? What do you mean? I actually did buy a new bra from Primark. Do they look bigger? Your boobs look great today.

Do they? I wouldn't say bigger. They just look very there. Yeah. Mine are quite saggy because I don't wear a bra. I got some. But yours look. I said to you earlier, I was down in the foyer, wasn't I?

You wanted to touch them. I did want to touch them. I had a real entry before. Well, I got myself some new padded like training bars from Primal. Basically ones that are for like a teenager. Is it because you're not boobin? Are you still boobin? No, I am. Yeah. Oh yeah, I can just whip that.

It still works. Whip it up. It's nice and easy. Yeah, yeah, easy access. Lovely. But just one like, you know. Oh, training bar. It's like a sports bar.

Goes over the head. No class. You'd wear to the gym. You know, makes me training, it's like a sports bra goes over the head. No, the gym, you know, makes me look athletic. You always look athletic. You don't need a sports bra to look athletic. My girl. You're like a little spring chicken in Primark. I loaded up on the Disney merch. Go on girl. Before I went, we just went to Disneyland Paris. If you didn't know, speaking to Mrs. Disneyland Paris here, you have been how many times? I've been a few. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm planning to go again. But I couldn't find anything in my size. So this is actually a pajama top. Stop it. Which I repurposed as a t-shirt. Quite pleasing myself. That's iconic. And then the only other bit of merch that I got was a sweater.

Sweater weather. For me. Sweater weather. Did you buy it in Disney? No. I loaded up in Primark before I went because I won't pay. 75 euros for a jumper in Disneyland Paris. It's the experience.

I did get three the last time I went, but I was pregnant the last time I went and I was Baltic. I was so cold. Oh, were you cold? It was hot when we were there. No, it was like up and down when we were there. I got the Wish one, the Disney one, but it's like the scoop bottom and the scoop front.

They're like an American, I think they're like an American style sweater where they're like a t-shirt sweater. Okay. So they're like a long sleeve. There was a cool nautical style one that I saw. What was that? I thought it was 75 euros, fuck that.

No, I've got my- You could still re-wear it though. No, I got my sweater in Prima before I went from the kids section, age 12 to 13, in the sale. Four pounds. Oh my God, my God. Oh my God. But then I saw a child wearing it in the airport and I was like, Oh, hello. Hello. Sorry. This is my daughter. I just

can't just borrow it off one year old. She's massive. She's massive. I'm small. How was it? It was great. How was it with the babies? It was so good. And I was actually really pleasantly surprised because we went with Stefan's family. So there were four, five cousins there. So they ranged from like 10 to one. Yes, because Sadie's the youngest. Sadie's the youngest. And then there's, yeah, 10, seven, six, and then Joseph's three. So I think being there with them really helped him because he was hyped. They surprised us in the airport. I mean, we knew they were coming, but we hadn't really mentioned it to Joseph and they hadn't mentioned it either. So when the cousins saw each other, it was like a bit of a surprise.

Oh God, did you cry? No, I obviously didn't. But when we got to Charles de Gaulle, they were there and Joseph was like so overwhelmed by the noise. We were like, oh, he's going to be buzzing. He's going to be so excited. He dropped to the floor in the middle of a like massive queue and cried. Oh my gosh. I was like, he is pleased to see you, but he just doesn't like, it just doesn't like big loud things. You know, even when, just any three year old, when people sing happy birthday, he cries because it's too loud. We have to warn him at a birthday party. They're going to sing it. Yeah. They're going to sing the

song today. It's just so much for them to process, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot. We have to warn him at a birthday party. They're going to sing it. Yeah. They're going to sing the song today. It's just so much for them to process, isn't it? At that time age. Yeah, it was a lot, but no, he was so, he was so excited to go. And I did think, cause he's usually quite scared of doing things and he's not really like up for things that are like out of the ordinary or different.

But I was so surprised. He went on all the rides that he could go on. The Dumbo. Most of them. He went on Dumbo, the flying elephant. He went on Dumbo the Flying Elephant. Oh, I love Dumbo. Small World, obviously. It's a small world after all.

There was one time it glitched and it was like, ah, ah, ah. That's a fucking ear worm, isn't it? Had a second opportunity to go on it and I was like, I want to sit this one out actually. It was the only one I could go on the last time because I was pregnant. Oh, God. So I just went round on the back. Dots loves it though. The kids love it.

Yeah. So it's great. And then Buzz Lightyear, they're like laser shooting one. That was his favorite. That was actually very cool. My favorite is Ratatouille. I didn't like that. He went on Ratatouille with Stefan, cried. Again, quite... That was a lot. Some of their age restrictions are a bit questionable. Like they were like, any age can go on this. So I could have taken Sadie on it. And Stefan was like,

yeah, it was quite scary. It was like massive, huge like rats on screens. And it was a bit like- What Ratatouille? Yeah, and like going around in like a fast car. Yeah, it was a little bit scary. And then he didn't also want to go on the Toy Soldier. Joseph was scared of Ratatouille. Yeah, he was scared of that one.

Yeah, when I said he cried, I didn't mean Stefan. Oh, okay. He was all right. He was all right. He was all right. He wouldn't go on the Toy Soldier drop, which is annoying, but this slinky ride, which is just like one that goes around and around.

The little train, isn't it? He came back telling everyone that was his favorite. Oh, yes he did. But yeah, so it was really nice. Bit rubbish for Sadie, like not really much for her to do. To do, no. I would say it would probably be better to go again, like if she's like four or five maybe,

and then Joseph's like six or seven. That would be a nice age. But yeah, it was really magical. It was really nice. That's literally what I was, wasn't it? They were five and seven. Yeah, which must've been the perfect age, I think. It's a really lovely age, yeah.

It's really, really interactive. But obviously I went as well. Joseph was the same age as Colby, and I was pregnant with Dottie. But again, we went with all the cousins. Yeah. I couldn't keep up. Oh, I couldn't keep up. It's an exhausting day. And then you've got to go back the next day and do the same thing all over again. Yes. Yes. Naccarin. We had to split it down so that I could get it all in. But it's magical though, isn't it? It was really fun. And also me

and Stefan were like, we managed to squeeze in like a couple of like grown-up rides because the grandparents were there, which was invaluable. Cause obviously we could just like leave all our shit with them. We went on a ride and we were like, I don't know why we don't go to theme parks all the time because it is- Do you have a jolly time?

It is so joyous being on a roller coaster and just screaming at the top of your lungs and like the adrenaline. So freeing, isn't it? It's so freeing. Like I don't normally scream on a roller coaster, but I was like, I'm gonna, cause it's just a safe space to let it all out.

Let it all out. I was on Space Mountain like that. Just feels so great when you get off. You know when people go to the top of a mountain and they just scream at the top of the mountain. That's basically what it is. It's liberating. So liberating. I loved it.

So I was like, why don't we just do this all the time? I thought you said you need to go down Pepper Pig World. We do. Poltons have got some good adult rides down there. Yeah. That's my next thing. You should. Is Pepper Piggwell, but we had such a nice time.

It was great. We've made a road for our own backs because we did like the bed sharing. So Stefan was on the sofa bed with Joseph. I was in the double bed with Sadie in the main bed. Everyone slept great. All in one room? Well, in like adjoining, we had like a sliding door between. So everyone slept great because,

I mean, the routine was out of the window. The breathing and heart rate, but then they get so used to the sound. They get so used to it. It's an old joke since we've been back. He's like, I think he's waking up expecting to be brought into our bed, which is like cute, but also leave us alone.

You know? Mommy and daddy need to sleep. He was going to sleep at 11 p.m. in Paris. Dots and cogs always climb in my bed and I live for it. No, but he can't get out by himself. I'm keeping him trapped in the cot for as long as possible. Oh, he's still in his cot. He's behind bars.

Oh, bless his heart. Yeah, he's behind bars. I'm not letting him out. No, don't feel ready for that one. No, because if he could get out, he would. He'd climb in with you. No. And them sleepy little snugglies.

It is quite cute when they do it. And Stefan said he was actually a very good bedfellow. He didn't make any noise. He used to walk into the door frame all the time, bless his heart. He'd be half asleep and be like, Oh God. Honestly, me and Stefan are shattered because it's a tiring holiday anyway. Yeah. When you come back, you just can't recover from it.

It's like straight back into work. You need a holiday for the holiday. You need a holiday from the holiday. Kids aren't sleeping. Sadie's picked up some bugs and she's not very well. So it's just like, and the routine was just like out the window, you know. Bless you.

But yeah, it was worth it. It was such a good time. How was your week? Were you happy to have Cole's back? Oh my life. That was the longest five days of my whole entire life. And the moment he got off the bus, I was literally like, I think he's grown. I looked back at Chris.

In five days. I looked back at Chris. I was like, Oh, I better put my glass on because I was crying. And he got off. And it was, it was a really weird thing because the man, the man got off the coach and he was unloading everybody's bags, but all the children was on the bus and they were loading them from seat to seat. So obviously to not have like a whirlwind, but it was like a mosh pit. All the parents were closing in on the suitcases. And I was up on my toes trying to see if I could see him. Then I saw him on the bus and I was like this. Then I felt myself welling up and he got off the bus and he kind of, he come in for a big hug and then he kind of like put

his arm around me and I was like, Oh, I've given you a suitcase to dad already. Honestly, he felt like I was at the airport trying to get me bag off the conveyor belt. I was looking for his little key ring on his bag. I like hoiked it up over my head to get it over the crowd and put it up with Chris and then obviously waited for Colby to come off of the bus. But he was just so incredibly tired. It didn't say too much. He was really, and it wasn't, I guess it was a new thing for me and Chris because he's such a, so talkative, so energetic, so on the go. I don't think I've ever seen him so tired. Normally you're with them, aren't you, all the time. So when they're having a really, really tired moment,

you know that you've had a really long day walking around Disney. So you understand why they're tired. So I was obviously pumped. I haven't slept, I hadn't eaten. I was just like ready to go Friday. I was- And he was just like really set out to school an hour before,

rung the school like 30 minutes before the coach come. and I was like, sorry, where am I meant to stand? And she was like, Oh, they didn't come in for another half an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sat outside. Keen. I was. I was sat outside. Just sat waiting outside. But yeah, he was a little bit quiet and we got home and he nodded off and he had to sleep. It wasn't until like Saturday when he woke up and I was like, Oh, tell me all about it. I want to hear about it. I want to know. Cause obviously the children missed each other like Dots and Renly missed him so much. So they just went and played like

he was so lovely to come home and he played with them both. And he was, you know, playing with Renly and playing with Dots and the three of them. Then he was in the garden on his football and then he wanted to FaceTime my sister and her children. So it was a whole lot. And then, yeah, like the next day I was like, oh, I really, really missed you, but I'm so proud of you. Because I am, I'm beyond, beyond proud from my shy, painfully shy, no eye contact, didn't have any friends, very rarely spoke to anybody, just was always just in his own little world and so content there and just didn't want to interact with any children, go to any parties or nothing like that. To this boy now that is just so confident, like I can't tell you how confident he is

and just the fact that he just strolled off with the coach. He went away for five days. Did he have a good time? He had the best time. And he did say, I, I, I said, oh, I really miss you. And he was like, yeah, I was a bit busy really. I didn't really miss you. I think I was a bit like, yeah, no, so busy.

Yeah. So busy. Yeah, I was fine. Actually, didn't iron your pants and socks while you were away. Haven't ironed in a year, but you know. Did he get to the bottom of the trouser mystery? Why didn't he wear his own trousers? So I put the whole tracksuit, the whole tracksuit. So before I shut the suitcase in the morning, I said to him, I've put all his outfits. So I did an Ikea sandwich bag, big up Ikea, and I put shorts, t-shirt, pants, socks in each bag. He had four bags, four outfits. And then

I gave him a tracks suit, all black, brand new from Primark track suit that I thought if it gets ruined, gets muddy, it doesn't matter. Cause it will just be like a play track suit. Like when he's at home playing in the garden. So went through the whole bag with him in the morning. I was like, this is your hoodie. These are your slippers.

Here's your wash bag. Went through his whole wash bag, gave him all of his clothes in the sandwich bags. Even said to him, this is the tracksuit to put over the top because you're going to go through long grass, there's going to be ticks and things and bugs and stuff in there. So just make sure that this one is just always in your rucksack to go over the top, but I'll leave it in your suitcase so your rucksack's not too heavy. It disappeared from me closing the rucksack and him taking

it to the place where he was having his residential, open the suitcase and unpacked. The suitcase went. The whole suitcase? Yeah. The tracksuit went missing. That's why he was wearing someone else's trousers. Someone else's trousers. It even came home in somebody else's trousers. So I don't know if it was maybe picked up when the boys unpacked in their dorm and it got unpacked and one of the boys picked it up thinking it was theirs and put it into their tracksuit. You know, hold my hands up, I didn't label it. So, you know, I have got myself to blame because it didn't have his name in it. But the, I don't know whether one

of the other boys picked it up or I really don't know where it's gone. But he goes, oh yeah, actually I do remember you telling me about the tracksuit in the suitcase, the one I was meant to put in my rucksack. Yeah, when you got there so that you could just take it off and put it on when you feel need to. So yeah, we, till this day, it's a mystery. It's a mystery as to where the tracksuit has gone, but he had the best time. He did come home and say he missed my cooking. So I was like, wow, honestly, I'll take it. Yeah. But yeah, he got all of his friends in the dorm. He did tell the first night that a couple of them cried. He cried and he said, Oh, we didn't tell no

one. We just sort of, we sorted it out and we were okay. And I was just like, Oh, it's really brave. A few cops. I was trying not to cry. He was like, Mom, do you want to take your glass off? I was like, sorry, mate. Your hay fever's hit me bad. Since you've been away, the hay fever's really bad. But no, you had the best time and he smashed it. He smashed it. What an achievement. They're young to be away, aren't they? Really young. It is really young to be away. And he's the youngest as well. Some of his friends are already nine, whereas he's the baby of the year.

He's only eight and a half. Yeah. So he's only one of the diddier ones. But no, and again, we didn't know who they were going into rooms with, which I think is very good because there was a lady, bless her, that commented on my social media to say the parents are actually worse than the children when choosing for the children to be in a room with their friends. So we didn't know who they were with. But we did say to Colby, you know, you could be with one friend or you could be with five friends. We don't know who you're going to get. But I think it's a wonderful opportunity for them to interact with children they wouldn't maybe do.

Yeah, I just think it's such a good like, it's so good for them. I wouldn't have wanted to do that. No way when I was that age, but I wish I had done more stuff like that. I think it would have made me more resilient because then when I went to uni at 18, I was pathetic. I was so homesick. I hated being away from home. I hate being away from home now.

Should have done more when I was younger. I am pathetic now. Yeah, I still am like that now. Yeah, yeah. I didn't do it. I didn't homesick. I hated being away from home. I hate being away from home now. Should have done more when I was younger. I am pathetic now. Yeah, I still am like that now. I am pathetic. Yeah. I didn't do no, I couldn't leave home. Too scared to leave my mom and dad. I used to stay home all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. If I went to a sleepover, I hated it. Yeah. It's too much. They were the ones that got the call to say, can you come get her? Because she doesn't want to stay now. Yeah.

Yeah. But no, the boy smashed it. Absolutely blew it out of the water. I'm proud of him. Honestly, that was so huge for him. Massive. Yeah. Yeah. But no, the boy smashed it. Oh. Absolutely blew it out of the water. Proud of him. I'm proud of him. Honestly, that was so huge for him. Massive. Yeah. So huge. I bet he's so glad he did it.

He, do you know what? He's really, and he come home, he said, do you know what? I'm really proud of myself, Mum. Yeah. I'm so glad I did it. Because he was umming and ahhing, wasn't he? He said, I think I would have really regret it if I didn't. So yeah. What a big decision though. I know. That's huge. That's huge, isn't it? But there is a couple of mums, I will say, if you're coming up,

because I know there is a few mums that messaged on my social media, their little ones are going at, I think it's around November time. A lot of people do it around November. But if this can be any hope or inspiration to settle your mind as to how they do. I can't speak for myself. I was an emotional wreck the whole week. I didn't fucking cope. I cried. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't be fucking anything other than I sat in his bedroom most days, just sat there in his room waiting.

I ironed his literally his boxers, sorted all his clothes out in there, sorted his wardrobe, washed his bed, ironed his sheets to put them back on. It looked like a bloody hotel residence up there. So when I say I didn't cope, I feel like that's very normal. That the parents do stress. Mums will have a terrible time or dads will have a terrible time. But the kids will have a great time. A jolly time. Yeah. Just have faith in your babies and it's great for them. It is really great. So yes. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah. We want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome.

You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram, just search Secret Mom Pod or you can email us hello at secretmompod.com. Looking for your perfect place to call home? Lethbridge Land is shaping the future of our city with incredible communities like Crossings, Riverstone and Watermark. Each neighbourhood is designed with innovation, passion and responsibility to enrich your life today and strengthen Lethbridge for tomorrow. From vibrant urban hubs to serene, coolly views, there's a community waiting for you. Discover the lifestyle you've been dreaming of in a Lethbridge Land community. Visit lethbridgeland.ca and take the first step towards your new home today.

Oh, hi Greg James. Hi Alice Levine. People might know you from the roundest podcast you do. It's cricket and people will know you I guess from, oh my dad's in a scandal, whatever. Rude. Anyway, whatever podcasts you listen to, you are going to love this. We're here to tell you about the UK's biggest podcast festival, Crossed Wires. Great radio voice. It's three days of your favourite podcast shows, all in iconic venues across Sheffield from the 4th to the 6th of July.

Let me give you some of the line up. Go on. So Grimmy and Angela Hartnett are going to be doing Dish live. Amazing. We're also going to have We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson. On the Sofa. The Corrie one. Secret Mum Club. And Drunk Women Solving Crime. We should also say We Have Help I Sexed In My Boss, but it sold out so quickly I'm almost

loath to mention it. Well then don't mention it. But actually I'm glad you did because that's a reminder. If you don't get tickets now you might not get them. Crossed Wires is a weekend of live podcast shows but also free performances, after parties. We're generally just going to have a really lovely time. Tickets are on sale now. Head to crossedwires.live to get yours. That's crossed, C-R-O-S-S-E-D, wires, the usual spelling, then a full stop, then the word live. Is that clear? He's brains and beauty.

Right, it's time for the correspondence corner. I don't know where I went with that one. It's like a dog. I'm trying to see Sadie animal noises, but she says raw for everything. I'm like, and how about a cow? She goes, and cat. Reni does cheese and he holds my phone. He goes, he turns it back camera as well and goes cheese. Or he really sarcastically goes, wow. So the other day I was like, oh my God, Colby, that's brilliant. Well done. And Renly just went, wow. Really sarcastically. And he went, it's a bit sarcastic, Renice. I said, I don't know that he's, I don't think he gets it. But he just walked down the garden and go, jeez. It's very sweet. Very sweet. Very cute.

All right. Let's have, let's hear it. Let's have it. Let's do it. Let's do it. This is from Marie. Hello, Marie. You messaged us on TikTok. She says, hi ladies, I've bought tickets to come and see you in Sheffield. Yay!

I missed the last show, so I was so excited to hear you're doing another. I'm bringing my mom with me. Stop it. Who's never listened before, but I feel like I need to drip feed her some info. Like what a poo chopper is? Yeah, poo chopper. What do you think? Yeah, Marie. She's going to need to know about that.

She's going to need to know about the poo chopper, the swearing. Swearing, the itchy legs. Yeah, that's a good one to bring up. Stefan recently posted his transformation photo on Instagram. Of what? Of his, cause he's been like hitting the gym and like doing a diet plan and stuff. And somebody commented saying, Oh, Emma will be getting some itchy legs tonight. And he was like, excuse me.

I was like, what does this mean? What is this? Pizza dick. Said you don't need to know pizza dick. Pizza dick. Good old pizza dick. Yeah, get to listen back to a few episodes. Yeah, pay some of our best ones. Some of the classics.

Pink poo. Pink poo, the beeper poo. Or the poo on the date poo. Having the poo on the date. Someone climbed out the window. Oh yeah. Loads of poo ones. We've got poo ninja.

Big poo problems. If she doesn't like poo, this isn't the podcast. No, for you. For her. Tell that to her. Tell her no. That's a lot of poo chat. We love a good poo. If she doesn't like poo, this isn't the podcast for you. Tell that to her. Let her know. That's a lot of poo chat.

We love a good poo. Yeah. Yeah. But how wonderful. And otherwise just great bants. Honestly, just bants. We're all here for a good time, not a long time. So let's just live it large.

Yeah. Oh, I'm excited to see you, Marie. And thank you. Thank you for coming. For buying a ticket and letting us know. I want to know if anyone else has bought their tickets to Crosswires yet. Yeah, we could do a little roll call of the secret mum clubbers coming along.

Yes, and tell us if you're bringing anyone or if you're coming solo. And where you're coming, I really wanna know where you're coming from. Yes. Yes. I feel like we really confined it to like cities of the North because we did. Yeah, but everyone's welcome.

We did the challenge, but yeah. I'm traveling from South. From anywhere. Anywhere. We're traveling from London and yeah, everyone is welcome. I'm traveling from south. From anywhere. Anywhere. We're traveling from London and Southampton, so you could be coming from anywhere. Or let us know if you have any questions about the show. We can't give too much away, but we could maybe drop a couple of hints. And if you haven't got tickets yet, all you need to do is head over to crossedwires.live

to grab yours now. This is new, so is there anything else in the correspondence corner? This is from Charlotte, it says, Sophie and Emma and Emma, love the pod, keeps me sane and laughing on my boring commute to work. Oh, God bless you. Thank you. Just listening to the episode where you talk about period cups and discs.

Yes. My period cup has literally changed my life. Yes. After having my little girl, tampons didn't feel like they fit properly. They were just so uncomfortable. I took the plunge and used a cup and it was the best thing I ever did.

You should try it. Use the put a cup and it was the best thing I ever did. You should try it. Use the put a cup in it quiz to find the right fit for you. It does take some practice to get used to, but I promise you won't be disappointed. Keep up the amazing work. Put a cup in it. Charlotte, put a cup in it. Put a cup in your Fufu. We'll have to do that.

What together? Oh, the quiz. Sorry. I thought you meant put a cup in. Let's put each other's cups in. Get that mug right in there. No, I don't actually you meant put a cup in. Let's put each other's cups in. Get that mug right in there. No, I don't actually want to put my cup in with you. Oh, they're sizing mugs. They're sizing cups. Yeah, different sizes.

I need a mug or a bucket, I think I need in mine. Catch my wide set vagina. Extra large, do you think? Oh, they must come in sizes. Yeah, they do. They do. Fruits come in all different shapes and sizes, don't they? Yeah. I think mine would be a small one all different shapes and sizes, don't they?

Yeah. I think mine would be a small one. Extra, extra small. Do you mind? Mine would be an XXL, 5XL, my bucket crutch. She's an XXL. Well, what the hell? Baby, keep a little tool for me.

Raddant sticks! Okay. Okay, a little throwback for all the beautiful South fans there. That is such a child of the nineties thing. I live in the beautiful South. I love them. Yeah, you do. Yeah, but who's, do you know any more of those? Oh loads.

Do you? Yeah. What's another one? You liar, you're full of shit. You're challenging me. No, Rotterdam. Rotterdam or anywhere. Is Rotterdam? Rotterdam, oh, everywhere! It's Rotterdam, the crosswise.

Ha ha! Yeah, just pop over from Rotterdam. Come on, Rotterdam! Rotterdam is coming! I think we're deluluing it today. We've not even been drinking today. Not today. Not today. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous.

Because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember, because we're all in this together and we know you'll be seeing this live if you come to Crosswise. Here is my secret of the week. This one's a random one. This is one I didn't really know if it's a secret. Actually, it is a secret because I don't really know how to approach this situation. So we went away to London, didn't we? Oh, yeah.

In the holidays. And we're a couple of days up. We were doing the Easter egg hunt. So we'd spent a couple of days walking around London. So everyone was really tired. We got back to the hotel and there was there was like documentaries on the telly. and I thought, you know what, I'm going to put on this really lovely educational program for the children to watch. Cobbie wasn't really too interested, but Doxie loves it. She loves to know about all the Royal family. So I saw on the telly, Henry the eighth. I thought, let's put it on. Hoping, hoping we weren't going to see any gory. Yeah. Because obviously he had a bit of a crazy life, didn't he? And yeah, we sat watching this documentary, I want to say we were like an hour and a half

in and then just at this one point, it said that Henry VIII had this castle, right? I feel like I was having a history lesson because I didn't listen at school. So I was taking, I was actually glued to the telly. So he had, I don't know if it was Catherine upstairs, I don't really know. I can't remember. The order of the wives. Yeah, I was actually glued to the telly. So he had, I don't know if it was Katherine upstairs, I don't really know. I can't remember. The order of the wives. Yeah, I can't remember the order. There was one upstairs who was actually publicly married to her, but downstairs, Anne Boleyn was kept in the bedroom underneath in the basement where he was having his Saudi affair when she was pregnant as well. She was pregnant

down there. So he had his normal little life upstairs in the castle, then had this really sordid life downstairs. And it was basically telling us on this documentary that he used to creep through the night, through the corridors and he used to go and sleep in Annabelle, Annabelle, Anne Boleyn's bed. Well, I'm obviously watching this with Dotty and I thought, oh, this might be too much, she might not be taking it in.

So she wasn't really too bothered, didn't really ask any questions. She was kind of dozing on and off. And then just about 10 minutes later, she went, he's a really, really naughty man, isn't he? And I was thinking, yeah. She was like, he's dirty that Charles. How can he do that? And I was like, Charles? She was like, yeah, the king. No, no, it's not Charles. How can he do that? And I was like, Charles? She was like, yeah, the king. No, no, it's not Charles. It's Henry VIII. Bless her heart. She was listening to the wrong part of the documentary. She didn't take on that it was Henry VIII. But it was the fact that she was like, how can he sneak around those corridors and do that to Camilla? Imagine that was now. She was like, do you think Camilla would be happy with that? And I was like, no, Imagine that was now. She was just like, do you think Camilla would be happy with that?

And I was like, no, darling, it's not. Camilla wasn't married to Henry VIII. She's married to Charles now. I had to give my own history that I knew in my head. And I was like, why does she keep calling him dirty? And I did say to her, what do you mean by dirty? And she was like, well, he's got no shoes on. He's walking around the castle with no shoes on

and it's all dirty in the basement. I was thinking, gosh, if I missed a part of this documentary. She didn't mean about the shagging. No, she didn't mean about the shagging. There was no shagging mentioned. It just said that he was having relations. Yeah, it was kept very, very good. Yeah, very clean. Yeah, very clean. Well, you better warn her. She better not be saying that about the current king.

So I said, don't be going to school and telling them that Charles has got a woman in his basement because I'll be in a whole world of trouble. Yeah, that'll be the next thing. Every time you go to the school, they're like, um, Safina, we need to know who Charles is. And why is he walking around the basement? Why has he got a woman in his basement? I thought I was really doing something. I thought I'd really cottoned on.

Yeah. Yes, Safina, the uneducated person. She's learning so much, my girl. Oh, and I just fucked it. It wasn yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, are all filthy, dirty people that have got people sleeping in their basements. So that's my point.

Well, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors, I will say. But that's my secret this week. We're going to get into some of yours after this short break. Looking for a community that has it all? Welcome to Crossings, the urban hub of West Lethbridge. At Crossings, you'll find a vibrant village designed for living, working and connecting. With top-notch schools, a state-of-the-art rec center, retail spaces and parks, it's more than a neighborhood, it's a lifestyle. Enjoy NHL-sized arenas, an aquatic center, an accessible playground, a 55-acre sports park, pathways and a library with enriching programs.

Learn more at crossingslethbridge.ca. We've got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, hit us with number one. All right. It says, hi ladies, I'm loving the podcast. Thank you. It's really helped me feel more at ease during my pregnancy with my first baby. I'm 33 and for most of my adult life life I was pretty sure I didn't want children. On top of that I had some potential fertility issues so my partner and I just assumed it wasn't meant to be. But luckily I've fallen pregnant and I'm due this summer.

Yay! I wanted to ask, is it weird that I don't like people touching my bump? No. Since I announced the pregnancy I've had so many unsolicited touches from relatives, family, friends, even my mum and I really don't like it. Is that normal? Yes. Yes. I don't mind when my friends do it because they usually ask first but when it's other people I just feel so uncomfortable. I've never been a really touchy-feely person aside from the occasional hug with close friends and family. Yeah. I'm totally fine with my

partner. We're always cuddling and often have our hands on the bump together. I just wondered if either of you felt anything similar during your pregnancies. Thanks so much from Anonymous. Absolutely. You are well within your rights. Well within your rights. That's your body and that's your baby. It always blows my mind how people just feel the right in Tesco to just touch your belly when you're pregnant. Would you do that to me if I didn't have a baby?

And what's going to just grope my tit? And imagine someone just came up to you and touched you touched your tummy. This is your whole body. Like, yeah, your personal space. It's weird. People have a real entitlement. And I know there's people that all have another opinion on this and that is absolutely fine. So only me personally, I'm not a big PDA.

No. I'm not a big PDA person. I'm very private behind closed doors in the sense of like, I don't even say, I wouldn't even say I would kiss Chris in front of my parents only because of like, I don't even say, I wouldn't even say I would kiss Chris in front of my parents only because I, in my head, don't want to make them feel uncomfortable. Whereas my brother and sister and my brother and sorry, my brother and his wife and my sister and her husband, that's a lot that was, they are, they're quite huggy, kissy. Yeah, in front of each other. Whereas me and Chris aren't. I'm a bit behind closed doors only because I don't,

and I'm comfortable watching them, but I just feel in my head, I don't know how comfortable they would be. Yeah. Even though, you know, everybody's hugging and kissing and you know. But when does the opportunity really arise for that anyway? Like, I just think that's like, it's a bit weird.

You know, Courtney Kardashian and Travis Barker always literally like riding, humping at the table. And I's like, it's a bit weird, you know, Courtney Kardashian and Travis Barker always literally like riding, humping at the table. And I'm like, that is so inappropriate. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that. I don't wanna be wrong to say that it does make me feel a little bit uncomfortable. But I don't know as,

people are well within their rights to do it. I just think people are intrigued. And I will say actually, I'm a bit of a hypocrite because having been pregnant, I now love pregnant women and like looking at their bumps and like seeing them. I would always ask and if it was someone I didn't know I wouldn't but if it was my friends I do like to have a good get in there and have a little feel. My family, sorry I had a burp then, my family would would ask me to touch the bump. Like my dad wouldn't just touch my belly. I don't think, I don't know that my dad's ever.

I was just thinking, I don't think my dad would. I think it's quite like intuitive for your mom, depending on your relationship. My mom would always ask. My mom and my sisters probably would. Stephans, like my mother-in-law, would as well, maybe his sisters, but they're all women. So I don't know, there's maybe something a bit different about that. And there's something different about when Chris or Stefan touches your belly. So I think that's normal. I think everything you're feeling is completely normal.

And this is your experience. And most importantly, this is your body. Like this is your whole body, your whole baby in there. And it's just, it is an odd one, but I just, yeah, it is a hard one as well to bite your lip when you're in and it's just a little old lady and she just rubs your belly. Because what do you say if someone does do it and you don't want it, it can be a bit awkward to be like, does it seem seem aggressive to be like, can you get your hands off my bump? Even though you're well within your rights to say that, like, what do you actually say? There's times where I've like rubbed a bump or like when I've seen and I'm all house but

and then I'm like, oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah, you do. Because you just you're sometimes I think it's a knee jerk reaction. Yeah. And I've always apologized. I've always been like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And they're like, no, no, no, you're fine. You're fine. Don't worry. But I that's only to people I know. I would never do it to I would never do it to a stranger. I think if somebody asks and you don't want them to, it's fine to be like, oh, I'd rather you didn't actually. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. But if someone has already done it.

But isn't there a thing, I don't know that I, I don't think I had it. I might've had it with Dottie actually a little bit where my belly was so sensitive, it actually made me feel physically sick. And even me touching my belly or clothing, I want to say it was Dottie. I might've had it a little bit with or clothing, I want to say it was Dottie, I might have had it a little bit with Renly,

but when I was pregnant with Dottie, I really struggled with stuff being over my bump, it used to make me feel physically sick. And that's another thing as well, when someone else touches it and you're like, oh, that's it, I'm not eating for the rest of the day. So no, I think it's so valid. I think you're as well within your rights,

if somebody was to say, you asked to touch your bump and you said no, and then they touch it. I think you are within your rights to say, please, I've just got a really, I would even say I've got a really sensitive tummy or I don't enjoy people just touching my belly. It is a bit of an awkward one if someone's already kind of like set that precedent though.

Do you know what I mean? Like if like your mom's already doing it, for example, can you now be like, I really wish you would stop touching my bump. That might upset some people. Again, I didn't know if it was Renly or Dottie. I don't think it was Renly. I think it was Dots, because I think I was okay.

But I did have to say, I can't have anyone touching my, and I had to say to my mom, like, my belly's making me feel really sick. Yeah, do you mind? Yeah, yeah. Do you mind not touching my bump? I suppose you could say that. It's a bit tricky one though, isn't it? But again, it is your body. my mom like my belly's making me feel really sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Touching my bump.

I suppose you could say that. It's a bit tricky one though isn't it? But again, it is your body. Yeah. Totally. You're totally within your eyes to be like. No massively. Get off.

But congratulations to you. What an incredible journey you're on now. How exciting. Wishing you a wonderful end of your pregnancy. And a lovely birth. Cause it's coming to an end now isn't it? How far do we reckon she? A few months maybe?

We reckon she's third trimester. She says this summer, so it could be. July, which is only eight weeks away. Could be this month. Enjoy your last bit of your pregnancy and I hope everything goes well and you welcome in your beautiful baby perfectly into this world.

Beautiful. So beautiful, are you jealous? Yeah. baby perfectly into this world. Beautiful. So jealous, are you jealous? Yeah. We're always secretly jealous. We're secretly. Happy for you, but jealous. I'm not, I'm proudly jealous. I'm out there, I'm proudly jealous.

I'm out there, I'm proudly jealous. Okay, let's have secret number two. All right, it says, hi ladies, my almost two year old has always been great with baths, but not so much with hair washing. We only do it once a week, and while she's never loved it,

she used to tolerate it. For the last few weeks, it's got worse. She screams with hair washing. We only do it once a week and while she's never loved it, she used to tolerate it. For the last few weeks it's got worse. She screams during hair washing and we've tried everything, lying her down, using a jug to make it quicker, but now she's scared of the bath altogether. Today she saw it and just screamed and hid. She's got so upset she was heaving. Oh bless her heart. The only thing we can think of now is for me to get in the bath with her to show her it's not scary but she already sees her baby sister having fun in there so I'm not sure that will help. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you for giving me same through motherhood, Christy. Fun fact, we actually had this with Dottie.

We're having at the moment. Are you? We're saving. Yeah, we had it with Dots when she was probably about two, three, and she just used to get terrified, terrified. I think they go through a patch because Colby did have a patch and it wasn't so much washing his hair. It was more that he was terrified of the bath. Whereas Dottie's was obviously hair washing.

But we just did the swimsuits, goggles and tried to make it fun. But we also did something I did do and I did do it a lot which didn't really involve hair washing because she'd got to the point where she was a bit like Christie's daughter. We got to the point where Dotty was terrified of the bath and because it was like the summertime, we used to do bucket baths in the garden where we'd have fun or I would

empty it, just have a little paddling pool, empty out if there was dirty water in there. I used to fill it up with bubbles and warm water and I would bath her in the garden. And again, making it really fun with like water pistols, goggles, swimsuits to try and get it out of being a chore. And also when we moved on to washing Dottie's hair, I used to put the shower head on and she used to like the water like on her feet and on her legs and she used to run the shower hose over her body. And then I used to take it, but I used to ease it gently up her hair. So like up her back. So I'd only wash like the bottom bit. And then obviously giving them the shampoo and conditioner, but I think

it's all a very slow process. I think right now just making it super fun for her, whether that be a bucket bath. Like we did a bucket bath in the kitchen. Like we completely took it away from the bathroom. We didn't go in the bathroom at all. So we did like a fun bucket bath or a little paddling pool in the garden. But I think how it worked for me personally was completely taking it straight out the bathroom. Like I never even approached it. Didn't talk about it. Didn't ask about it. Just be like, should we put our swimsuit on? Then I'd get

the paddling pool or get the bucket and we do our toys and then get in. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a good idea. It was a very slow process because Dottie literally exactly the same used to heave. I think they go through phases because Joseph went through a phase where he hated going in the bath as well and he still is the same about having the water over his head. He hates getting his. So I do the same thing I do and he's only got short hair. Yeah. But I do like the back of his head.

You can buy them little caps. You can get little caps that go round. They're like a foam, aren't they? They keep their water from going in their eyes. I don't know how effective they are. Yeah, I don't know. You could try goggles maybe. Yeah, that's what I did. I did goggles with Doc because she didn't like the water in her eyes. But otherwise, I think you just kind of just one of those things. You just have to like. It's music.

Making it really, really fun. Yeah, music, yeah. Bath toys. There's loads of good bath toys. Like now it's like Joseph's in the bath. Ice cream makers. He could be in there for hours. Coffee machines. He'll be, he's got like a little duck slide. Like he'll be in there for ages entertaining himself. Sadie's going through a phase where she hates the bath now.

She won't sit down. She'll just stand up and she cries when she sees the bath. Cause I think she had one bad experience. I think she's getting a bit of eczema. I think she had a bad experience where she sat down and the water or the soap was still on her skin. And now I cannot get her to sit down in the bath. And if I try and sit her down myself, she screams. She just stand up and obviously I like, it's a bit dangerous standing up in the bath. Like she slipped a few times and she'll fall. So I'm

trying to get her, I'm trying to get her through that at the moment. So I've actually brought back her snuggle. She was in the big bath with Joseph. I've brought back the little snuggle bucket bath. And just I put her in there and it's kind of easier to force her to sit down in that because it's like upright and it's got a little seat. So I've got her back in by doing that. But yeah, they go through these weird things. Like Joseph won't have his nails cut.

He'll absolutely scream if I try and cut his nails in the bath. They just go through these little things. And then I feel like they kind of just forget about it. I feel like sometimes it's breaking the cycle a little bit. And I definitely, definitely had to do it with Colby and Dottie. Renly. He's a what I can't get him out of the bath. He's like on the opposite end. Yeah. And he like puts his back on the bath and like, he face plants into the bath under the water and he comes out and he's like, you know,

like when people get out the ocean and they fling their head, that's Renly. He's like, he face plants into the bath under the water and he comes out and he's like, you know, like when people get out the ocean and they fling their head, that's friendly. He's like, honestly, like a little whale, a little fish bubbling around in there and I can't get him out of there. And if I try and get him out, he screams like, eeeeee, onto the side of the bath. And then I'm like, I've got to get Dotty in the bath. And then Dotty gets in the bath and then he'll be launching water over because he doesn't want her in the bath. He hangs onto the side of the bath and I'm like, get out of the bath. That's another problem when you can't get them out. I think he'd do it in the bath if he could,

but we've obviously had, Dotsie, it was a process, even now she's six, she'll be seven September and she hates, hates a hair wash, but now all we do is just to shower while she's in the bath over the bathtub so they can reach their head back. But that would be my only advice I could give maybe on that is to just completely take it away from the bathroom.

Cause I think it's sometimes an association, isn't it? Yeah, well now she's screaming when she sees the bath. So I think that's a really good idea. Yeah, and now the weather's picking up a little bit. I don't know where Christy is in the world, but the weather's nicer now. So we're having garden baths, even now we have garden baths. Coby has garden baths,

like we just have a little paddling pool and they're all out there having the time of their life. They've got their water pistols. Yeah, they've got their swimming suits on, swimming trunks on, but they just- They're getting a little bit clean. ... put bubbles in there. Yeah. And they like doing the hair. They run around with their hair like scooped up in the shampoo. Like loads of shampoo in there. But yes, that's all I can give on that one. Yeah, give that a try.

But hopefully something helps. It's hard though. It is really hard. Yeah. But thank you, Christy, so much. And we're thinking of you, sending you all our positive thoughts. Thoughts, energy, vibes. Yeah, energy. Yeah, wishes. You got this, girl.

Sure. You got this. Right, should we have a last secret? This one says, hi, Soph and Emma. I've been entertained by your podcast since day one, and I can't wait to see you live in Sheffield. Another one! Another one! Another one! Another one! Another one! Another one! Another one! Another one! You got this girl. Sure. You got this. Right. Should we have a last secret? This one says, Hi, Soph and Emma, I've been entertained by your podcast since day one and I can't wait to see you

live in Sheffield. Another one! Another one's about to the roll call. This is huge. Yeah. Right. That's two now that we know are definitely coming. Two people are coming. Fuck. I'm screwed. Hopefully a few more. I'm scared. That's enough though. I'll take two. Yeah. No, that's fine. If you want to get your tickets, just a reminder, they are on sale at CrossedWires.live Saturday the 5th of July. 1.30pm. 1.30pm. In the Playhouse Theatre. Thank you. Sheffield.

I remembered that. Well done. Don't give me a thumbs up. And it says, I was just listening to your episode, The Screwball Scramble. And so when you mentioned worrying about losing your moon cup, it reminded me of a saucy little holiday secret. Oh, we had a bit of an- I'm excited about this.

I know. This is getting me going. Itchy legs with the moon cup. Yeah. On holiday. Woo hoo. Cocktails and sex. Sex on the beach.

Hey. We had a bit of an itchy leg session and we'd used a condom. Things got a bit enthusiastic and well, the condom vanished. I totally forgot about it the next day. So I went for a swim, did a bit of sunbathing and then took a walk along the seafront to find somewhere for lunch. Please. After we ate...

I feel like I know where this is going Emma. I feel like... After we ate, I popped in the restaurant loo for a wee, wiped and... Lo and behold. Oh. After we ate, I popped in the restaurant loo for a wee, wiped and... Lo and behold. That's all the ASMR of a... Wet Johnny. Falling out of your Fifi.

And out dropped the missing condom. Thank goodness it waited to make its exit. Anonymous! The sounds of that and just the image. Why have I got the feeling of like, you know, that feeling of when you pull it out. Oh God. Oh good Lord.

That's how she gave me goosebumps. That's how she came out of the swimming pool. Yeah, that was actually perfect timing. That's big up your foofy though. Yeah, for holding it in. Yeah. It was like, now's my opportunity. That's big up your foo-foo though. Yeah, for holding it in. It was like, now's my opportunity. She's in the toilet. She's free.

It's a safe place. It's a safe place for her to deposit me. Let's do this. Out comes the Johnny. Yeah. I'd be really worried about everything swilling around in there though. Like, could you get pregnant? No, because the condom's inside you.

Must have been like a, must have the, the rimply bit, the, the trim, the rim. Must have been like a must of the the rimpley bit the the trim the rim Must have been at the exit. Yeah, but what if it's been just floating up inside if it's sloshing about stuff could have got loose I'd be worried. I'll be paranoid the rest of holiday. I was gonna be pregnant. I Don't know Well, I say big up a foo-foo. Yes, I'm anonymous is foo-foo We're gonna to meet her. We're going to meet you. And I hope you whisper to us. That she's anonymous.

I am the tight pussy lady who held a Johnny inside my Fufu. For 24 hours. What a skill. Please can you just have a banner? It's me. Arrows. I'm the tight person. Iconic.

Iconic. That is an iconic story. God, I can't wait to try and guess who you are. I can't wait. Can you imagine? The two people, there's you and one other. So it's going to be one of us. Yeah, 50-50.

Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us you can. You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you lost something in an intimate place? Or do you have any bath tips for Christy? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And don't forget, you can get your tickets to join us in Sheffield for the live show! Now head to www.CrossedWires.live

And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mamm Club! Are you tired of being told to pipe down pet? Calm down love Or worst of all, get a grip It just gets us so riled up even thinking about it Well if you're sick of biting your tongue, we're here to help you let it all hang out To call out the chaos and make some noise I'm Angela Scanlon And I'm Vicki Patterson Our new podcast is the unapologetic group chat you've always wanted

Introducing Get a Grip. So if you're done with holding back, this is your space. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.