Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Bus Stop Blunder

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

Soph opens up about Renley's rocky start at preschool and the mum guilt that comes with it, while Emma confesses to a first-week mix-up with Joseff's school bus! Plus, the ladies tackle a listener's worry about her son needing nappies at night, and one mum's secret proves nothing ruins a curry night quite like a nappy explosion. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sofina and Emma have another hilarious episode of Secret Mum Club lined up for you, but just before we get into it, have you watched the show yet? The summer holidays can be the Wild West for finding a moment to yourself. So when the kids have gone to bed, it's the perfect time to unpack the day, laugh about the latest things they've done to embarrass us, and catch up with the ladies who are going through the same thing. When you've got that bit of peace and quiet, grab a drink and search for Secret Mum Club on YouTube. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club.

I'm Saphina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. Yes, a safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are.

You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret mumgles. That sounded like we were on time. Oh, do you know what? To me, there's a delay.

But I think if I just go with... it and you go with it, when it's edited, I think it sounds great. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I tell myself anyway. If you're just listening and you're not viewing, we're at home again today. We should explain because we're still catching up from all the schedule changes and it's been a big week, hasn't it? Yeah. We're catching up on the midst of life. We didn't, maybe didn't prepare ourselves for how stressful this week may be. Or the actual whole of fucking September, in fact. Because it's not even a day, a week.

It's actually a full-blown month. So there may be some more of us at home, but at the moment we're just trying to survive September. Yeah, we're just trying to get through it, guys. Last time you heard from us, we were, I think it was the day before they went back, was it? Yeah, yeah. I think. So listen, tell us, how are you doing?

Are you not okay? Also, just to add even more insult to injury is that the week, the last episode you heard was the day before they went back. And today is Renley's full day in preschool. First full day. And it's the start of the first full week. Because obviously when we went back last week, it was only half weeks. So it was very quick, dip otto in, take it out. And now we're fully fledged in rocking and rolling.

and it's not good. It's not good. I've cried a lot. I know. Do you want to start with Renley? Are you okay? Are you stable? No.

And I don't think I will be. I don't think I will be stable. He is just, he's just not doing okay. And which is really hard for me because, God, my, God, I've been talking like a 13-year-old way, is it only okay for me?

He's a really confident, an outgoing little boy who is like the light of everyone's lives that it's lucky to meet him. And I know I'm biased in saying that, but he's the third baby that just takes like the brunt of everything because you've got the bigger two that you need to navigate life around. And then there's my sister's four. And then I'm trying to make sure that I'm seeing all of them

and being involved in their lives. And they do big children activities. So he's always kind of the one that just he just plods along in his own little world. And he's really happy with that. He's really happy with just being there. for everybody else and just the fact that he gets to be involved in it. He loves that so much. But because we only have really immediate family, obviously we're really close to our next-door neighbours that have become wonderful friends to us and we see them a lot and spend a lot of time

with them, obviously because they're in our garden, you know, they're our next-door neighbours. They're the only people sort of outside our immediate family that would be not family. Does that make sense. So we don't have friends that have children that we see regularly or we spend time with. It is either family or our next or neighbours. And in that setting, he is so confident. But I thought, oh, it'll be great because, you know, he spends time with our next door neighbours and stuff. And it's all going to be just fine and dandy. But in hindsight, we've left him, me and Chris, and he's been left with my sister or with my eldest niece. But he's never actually been left with somebody that isn't family.

But I just assumed, oh, he'll be fine because he's so confident and so outgoing and so loving. The detachment is way far greater than Colby and Dotties ever was. And I think what's harder is that also when Colby started his preschool, he was with my niece, so he

had a familiar face. And then because he'd gone to preschool, Dottie had become really familiarized with like, Dotty with Colby and Everly's friends because they had friends together who also had younger siblings and Dotty would see them. So when she went to preschool, all of the siblings of Colby and Everly's friends all went to the preschool. So for Dotty, it was like a home from home and we spent a lot of time with them. So again, everybody was really familiar with them,

familiar with her because obviously we've gone with rent to a completely different preschool everybody is brand new yeah um Anisha's just not doing okay and I suppose he's not used to being around

a load of other two year olds like in your set up he's always the youngest isn't it he's always the baby he's not used to that and that is like that's a learning curve like where other children are going to take toys off you and you know potentially like do stuff to you. Like,

so you came home this week and saying, yeah, I got, someone took a toy of me this week and kicked me or she'll be like someone bit me

or I'm sure sometimes she is the biteer. But it's the Wild West out there, you know, it's a lot for them to get used to and I do maintain that like they, when they get used to it,

they thrive and yeah, they love it. Like Sadie, she still cries going in but I know she loves it when she's there and the updates I get from them

show me that she's doing amazingly. And the stuff that she comes home saying and doing and she learns so much and being around children that are a little bit younger and a little bit older than her. Like she's just picking up so much while she's there. And I'm sure Reni will get so much from it. But at the start, it is such a massive change. And he's been with you until he's been two and a half.

Like I sent my kids when they were nine months. Yes, maybe arguably in some ways that's harder because there's still very little babies. but I think actually they get used to it more quickly and they have less of a notion of being with you all the time every day. He's very aware that he's with his family all day every day. So it's a big change for all of you. And it's not just me, is it? It's me and Chris, which I think is making it doubly worse.

But as well, I said to Chris, there is the potential of us delaying it for a year and him going next year. But then what if I then go through this again next year? year and then what if I completely rule out preschool together? I'm potentially going to have even more detachment issues with him. One for myself, when I'm saying detachment issues, I mean me fucking leaving him because I'm not coping with it one little bit. But also to have a whole another solid two years together, I'm just going to make the process even harder when he goes

to school. I was going to say you could just send him straight to school. I'm sure there are loads of parents who do that. Oh, 100%. And there's a lot of people that have recommended that. But my worry is that I'm making it worse. Do you know what I mean? While he's little now and we can, we can work on, you know, that. Maybe it might be a case that we change the hours round to fit better. It might be better for him to do half day every single day rather than doing three full days, three times a week and having the break in between. It might work that he only goes in for the mornings, you know, it's just working out what works best for the dynamic and also works best for him. but I like the idea of a full day because when they go up to school, they are able to manage the full day and it's, you know, getting used to the tiredness and how long the days are.

So it's just going to be a bit of a, a bit of a journey, I think, and that's okay because also not all children are the same. And I did say to the preschool lady this morning, I said, you know, I'm so sorry. Because it's harder as well. When children see other children crying, it's like whenever, a breastfeeding mum, here's another baby crying, your boobs go, you know. Sets them all off. Yes, it's a bit of a domino effect. So I was like, I'm really sorry. I don't want him to make any of the other babies because you don't want to make the others

distress, do you? Like, oh, he's crying. Why is he crying? I'll cry because he's crying. And I was so worried that it was going to be a domino effect of all of these babies just crying in the preschool. And I was like, I'm really worried. And also, I don't want to stress the ladies out because it's hard.

They don't want to have to, not don't want to have to be, but they're trying to calm down someone else's child. And that's a lot of pressure on them, isn't it, to try and calm them down. But that's their job and that's what they are in the setting for. That's what they do so fantastically. And that's what they're trained to do. And they handle, they've handled the situations. You know, it's only he cried on Friday. He went in great on Wednesday, great on Thursday. And then Friday he cried. And then today was like 10 times worse. It's when they realize what's happening, isn't it? At the beginning, it's like, oh, what's this, this is all shiny and new.

And then it's like, oh, you're bringing me back to that place again where you leave me, mum. Yeah. I want to come home with you. And he kept saying, they said he was going, oh, mommy's going to the shop. She'll be back soon. And I was like, okay. Yeah.

I mean, they've got no concept of time. So you might as well, like, you know, the little, the little fibs might help. You know, I'm just not going to do this, but I'll be back. He was going, oh, my mommy's gone to the shop. She'll be back soon. Yeah. He stood by that little gate, like, oh, she's coming back. And then all you think in your head is like, fuck, he stood by that fucking gate.

And he's thinking, this bitch ain't coming back. Where the fuck is she? Their memories are so short. Like, he would think, oh, she's gone to the shop. She's coming back soon. And obviously, that makes you feel so bad because you're like, yeah, I'm not coming back for like six hours. But he'll be onto the next activity. And then, you know, how easy it is with distraction.

You know, he'll forget about you before. You know it. And that's the best thing, honestly. that sounds harsh but once they're there and they don't think about you and then at the end of the day when they do see you they're like Mommy you did you just come back for me and he'll be so excited to see you Oh that's even on Friday when I picked him up he went yes mommy I did it I did it and I was like oh god yeah you really did Oh oh god it's so stupid isn't it it's not stupid no it's like it's like the start of a like this is a massive change in both your lives. It's not stupid at all. I'm sure a lot of people

silly, don't you? And they're so lovely because they're like, are you doing okay? No. No, no, I'm not. But I'm just going to pretend to you like I am if that's okay. It's like, it's only day four. And I think like, I think after another couple of weeks, once the routine settles in. We would have cancelled the whole thing and we're going to be home. It'll be back home with you full time for another two years and everyone will be fine and happy. And then I get to school and I'll homeschool him And he'll never leave my side Just take them all out of school

Fuck it Fuck the lot Fuck the lot of the system You know I'm not doing it But it's good It's really good It's teaching him lots of things And you know

In this short amount of time That he's been there He is saying so much Like he's saying so much And he's he made a little friend And they played together And he was telling us his name And then he sees them like

When we like went to the shop at the weekend and he sees them and he's like waving to them and I'm thinking oh it's so funny when nursery kids see each other in the wild because we don't know the parents but they're like oh hi so and so hi so I'm like I think they might know each other yeah it is funny but no he's he's gonna be great I know that I'm confident in my heart he's going to be great and then um Colby went in like a dream did he got the um yeah like the first day was like I guess oh how was your day yeah oh is your teacher nice, yeah. Did you do much? Nah. What learning did you do? Yeah, you know, just the usual. Did you do French? No. Oh, why didn't do French? It's Monday, Matt. No, what was it? It was,

no, it's Wednesday. I don't, I don't do French. Oh, sorry, I could completely forgot. Who did you play with? The usual, mum. Like, no time had passed, and I couldn't get anything out of him, but he was happy. And then, Dottie, I'm just absolutely beaming for her, because not only, I know she did and I keep saying this. She did two weeks at the end of last year to like get herself in, didn't she? And then she's gone back and she did two days last week

and today's our first day in. Tomorrow's her birthday. So I feel like it's a whole lot going on for her. So she's going in tomorrow for her birthday. But she is just absolutely flourishing. She's just beaming from ear to ear. And I can't tell you the last time she was ever excited. Like this morning,

And she like skipped in the gate. And I was just like, this is just what I needed to prepare me for Renly going in. No, she's doing incredible. She's really happy and she's making friends. So, yeah. Oh, I'm so glad. So at least you've got like, at least it's easy with the other two. That like offsets the trauma from Rendez.

Yeah. Yeah. So the two out of the three. Two out of three ain't bad. I mean, it's nearly a full house, you know. Yeah. It might be by Christmas that we're actually okay. But if not, you know.

If he's still even in preschool, you know, stay tuned and find out. My secret of the week is we did one day and I pulled him out. But no, how are you doing? How's the babies? I'm absolutely fine. Good. As was expected. I actually did find it quite emotional putting Joseph on the bus the first day,

because as I mentioned, he's, we don't have to do a school run anymore. He is eligible for a bus and it seemed mental to me and Stefan, but apparently that's what everyone does here. So we were like, okay, fine, he'll be going on the bus. All his friends are going on the bus. I was like, I don't want him to miss out, be the only one that doesn't go on the bus. So, um, so yeah, I put him on the bus and he sat down next to each other. And yeah, I was a bit like, came off the bus and me and Stefan were like, wow, that's mad. Like, he's just, you know, he's just off into the world and I guess we'll see him at four o'clock. On a bus with all of his friends.

That was wild. It goes from like, we were saying it's crazy because like at nursery, you'll get an update about every single thing, like what meals they ate, how much of it they ate when they had a nap, when they went to the toilet, what snacks they had, what activities they did. You see photographs. And then when they go to school, you get. We put him on that bus. I don't even know if he's arrived.

I did stalk the bus in on the first and second day. Well, you got on Life 360. Well, some bus drivers share their live location, which I'm like, that's actually genius. But ours doesn't. So I've been trailing him into trying to do it subtly, but I did end up behind him at the lights on the first day. And I was like, this is not cool. If Joseph recognizes the car, I've blown my whole cover. You're as bad as Chris in the bush.

And then I got to the school gate and I was like, I don't know how much you're going to do this because he's going to see me. So I basically like stood with my back to a tree and tried to watch him go in. But it was so chaotic because all the children are going in at the same time. So there's like years reception to six. Like there's moms and dads. There's buses. It's busy. I didn't actually see him get off the bus and go in.

But presumably he made it that day because when I went to pick him up, he was there. So I picked him up on his. I know, thank God. I picked him up on his first day and I was like, I'll be nice treat to like take him out for an ice cream to be like, well done, you made it through your first day.

And then when I picked him up and walked him past the bus, he went, oh, I want to go on the bus on the way back. I was like, oh, I thought I'd take him out for a nice treat. And he was like, I want to go on the bus with my friends. So I was like day one, that's pretty good. That's for Joseph too. I know.

I know. This is massive. And I'm like, I would never have done that when I was four. I just think it's so crazy, but I do think it will be good for them ultimately. Like I see the older children getting on the bus and it's like, you know, they get to sit with their friends and, you know, it's cool to like not go into school with your mum and dad when you're a bit older. So I do think it'll be great for him. But yeah, I took him out for ice cream after his first day and all the other parents had exactly the same idea because the school, the ice cream shop was like rife with school children. And some kids from his class were in there.

So we had a nice little catch up with them. But same thing. Like I was asking him questions and he was like, I don't know, I can't remember. It was too long ago. Or he said on the first day he said to me and Stefan, I'm too shy to tell you. So I was like, okay, I'll just lay off for a bit. Because I think that's really common, isn't it? And I spoke to it.

We had a birthday party already at the weekend. Wow. Go you. I know. We're fully back into the schedule. And all the other parents were like exactly the same thing. We don't get anything out of them. And I didn't want to push him, even though I'm so nosy and I want to know.

all the ins and outs and I want to know everything. What did you eat? How much of your lunch did you have? How did you sit next to? Did you do a task? Did you play with your friends? What was break time like? You know,

how's your teacher? And he's just like, I think there's too much for their little brains to even remember. Because for him, he's like, oh, that was ages ago. I can't even think about that. He just comes home starving and he's like on to the next thing and that's it.

So hopefully I'll find out, you know, a little bit more in due course. The school sent home a little letter on the first day, just like setting out the day like, these are who the teachers will be. This is what we haven't. for lunch. This is when we do PE. I can say your PE days.

Yeah, got my PE days. So good job they did that because I get absolutely nothing out of Joseph. But I think that's completely normal. And I don't know if that changes or gets better as they get older than. No, no, no. That's how it stays. That's pretty much it. That's as exciting as it gets, which is in a nice way.

Because I think I've been on the other end of maybe not knowing too much, but obviously because Dottie's days were tragic towards the end of last year. And I'd hear every single aspect of her day. And it actually was actually really hard to hear that. So in a way, if the days are mundane in my head, I think, oh, it's been an easy day today. When she comes out and she, you know, used to give me all this information, I just think how that's consuming her whole brain.

Her whole brain is only consumed with all these. this negative, awful things for her. And she's trying to process and navigate through that. So actually, when she comes out now, it's really, really, there's something so nice about her going, oh, I don't actually know. I played and I had fun. And I just want to go home now. Can I go home and play?

And I'm just like, oh. So actually, there's something in that that's very comforting and knowing that. Yeah. It's almost like no news is good news. Like I suppose if they had something to tell you, then it might be, you know, something to worry about. But I'd love to know. I'd love to be a fly on the wall.

Like, I want to know more. I'm so, like, nosy, but he's giving me absolutely nothing. They do, I don't know if they'll do it with Joseph's school, but we used to get, like, a parents' day and play in your R where you could go in and spend, like, the afternoon in there, and they'd show you, like, what they're doing. And you'd be able to stand from the outside and watch them, like, partake in a lesson. Oh, yes, I'd love that. And then you get to get involved.

So I don't know if you'll do that in your school. But I really enjoyed that because it was like you get a little tiny glimpse of, even though they're like this. Yeah, well, I was going to say we did one in his preschool and it was absolutely harrowing because when the parents had to leave, the kids were like, what? I'm not going home with you. It was just for the morning and then we were all like, bye. Or when they do sports day and it's like, instead of doing the afternoon sports day,

you do the morning, but every year they've done afternoon and you take them home and then it gets the sports day in the morning and it's like half 11 and they're like, yay, going home. You're like, oh, actually, no, you've got to stay for the rest of the afternoon. You see four hours. Funny. But no, it's good. I'm like excited to be in this new like era of our lives. I've got all the after school clubs and he started like a little rugby class on Saturday mornings that Stefan's going to take him to. Like me and stuff like this is our new like parent of a school child era.

And you know, it's only week one but I think I'm into it. I think I'm digging it. I think I'll keep it for a bit. I think this suits me. I think this looks good on me. Yeah. Although wait until you get to my secret of the week. Oh. Then you might not think that it suits me so well. Oh. Oh, okay. Now you've got us all guessing, so you have to stay tuned for our secret of the week.

Yes. Welcome back. This week, I'm passing the baton to Emma as she just gave us a cheeky little insight to her secret of the week. So I'm passing it over to you, honey. What you got? All right. Here's my little secret of the week. So, you know, I mentioned Josie's been getting on the bus to school.

and he gets on the bus back as well, obviously, apart from the first day that I picked him up, and then the next day he got on the bus. I'm actually slightly terrified, because if you've skipped forward to this and not listened, I'm slightly terrified because you just told me that you tracked the bus and you stood in a bush. Yeah, so I tracked the bus on the way in.

And then on the way back, I think the timetable says, like, it's going to come back at like four to 10 past four or something. But obviously that can vary massively on, like, how many drop-offs there are, what the traffic is like. So I was just sitting indoors, chilling out. I was with Sadie.

We were just watching some TV. And I was like, oh, go out to the bus stop and meet Joseph in a minute off the bus. And then the doorbell went. And I was like, oh, that's weird. I wonder who that is. So you hadn't left for the bus? I hadn't left to meet the bus. And I answered the door.

And there stood little Joseph with my neighbour's child, who is older. I hazard a guess about nine or ten You're not of two four-year-olds Just At your front door You imagine And I was like Oh

Hello And then I felt so guilty His little face He was like Wobbly lip Mommy I said to the little boy I was like

I was like oh thank you so much I was like that's so sweet And he went back to his house And then I was like You're early It was like 10 minutes early, to be fair to me. The bus was 10 minutes early on the first day.

I mean, now I know I need to have like a 20 minute window. Right. It could come any time between like quarter to four and quarter past four. But I was just chilling out thinking this is going so smoothly. I'm doing great. I've had one child at home all day. It's been an absolute piece of piss. So what you were saying is you weren't at the bus stop to collect Joseph.

I wasn't at the bus stop to collect him on his first day. Oh, whatever. Yeah. And he's been so nervous about getting on. I've been like, don't worry. me or daddy will be there. I bet you're like, you promise. I've absolutely fucked it.

And I told, I mess with this chef and saying, um, here's what just happened. And he was like, yeah, no, I think you've really fucked it up. Oh,

it's okay. Oh, I mean, and then that night, he was like, Mommy, please can you pick me up from school? And I was like,

I'm not. I was like, what have I done? I've ruined it. We've been going, oh, get on the bus. It'd be so cool. We can sit with your friends.

Now he thinks I'm just going to leave him. I'm not going to be there. It's okay. These things happen. It does happen. Their memories are short. That's what I keep telling myself. He'll be fine.

Oh my God. It's such a me thing to do. I was like, why am I like this? I felt like I was so organized. And then in that moment, I was just like, I've traumatized the boy. You haven't missed it since, though, right? No, you best believe. I was out there by that.

half three the next day in the rain. I've been sat for 45 minutes. I've been leaving me. At least I made it. Well the next day, Stefan was greeting him off the bus and it was like 10 past four. I was like, see, I told you it was bloody 20 minutes early. It's not my fault. But yeah, he, he, there's been some like big, big emotions on, you know, week one, the first, the first three days. And that night at bedtime, he was like, he wasn't going to sleep for ages. And he's been really stalling at bedtime. And, you know, just, you know, dragging it out and it's hard because I'm like, I know you're really tired from the day at school and you need to go to sleep and have a good sleep because we've got to get up and do the same thing

again tomorrow. Got get on that bath. You've got to get on that bus, boy. But I think he just, they want to spend time with you, don't they? Because they're, you know, they're spent time with you for six weeks nonstop. And so now in the evenings, he's like, wants to chat to me and Stefan for ages. And I'm like, please, you just need to go to sleep. And that night, he was like, mommy, please, can you pick me up from school? Can you pick me up tomorrow? He was like, And then he was like, what if I don't know where to go? What if I get on the wrong bus? Or what if the teachers don't put me on the bus?

And I was like, to be honest. I don't actually know myself. I don't actually know what happens the other end. I'm like, it'll be fine. The teacher knows what bus you need to go on. He's like, how do they know? How do they know where I live? And I'm like, there's a list.

I'm sure there's a list. And everyone knows what bus everyone's supposed to be on. But really, like, there is room for error. Like, I don't really know what happens at the other end. You just can't be busting out with this. I'll come. I'll do the pick up. You come and pick him up. I'll collect him from school in a bus.

No. Just me and him. Okay, that sounded weird. I don't mean that. Get your own minibus. No, look, as harsh as it sounds, I'm like, we have to, obviously I felt bad about that. But I was like, we have to stick with this for like at least the first couple of weeks. Because I think it's really important to have consistency.

And I think he will be fine. It is safe. I'm not just being irresponsible. Loads of other children do it. The school will know what they're doing. And, you know, it's an opportunity. for him to like bond with those friends that are getting on the bus as well. So I said to Stefan, if we could pitch late now, we'll be taking him in until year six.

I was like, we can't show any signs of weakness. We have to stick with. I'll be taking him in until bloody the end of secondary school. Fucking hell. Until he's 18 and learns to drive. Yes. I'll sit with him in the back of the class. Fucking hell.

I was like, we can't. We can't back down now. I was like, he has to know. This is the routine. And then maybe at some point in future, I can be like, oh, look, I'm taking Sadie into nursery today anyway, so you can come in the car with us if you want, or I'm going to be picking Sadie up. So how about I'll pick you up tomorrow as well? But when he was asking me at bedtime, I was like, I don't want to be really harsh and be like, no, I'm not picking you up

tomorrow. But I also don't want to lie and say, yeah, I'll pick you up tomorrow because I'm not. So I was like, don't worry about that now. We'll talk about it in the morning. Just close your eyes and try and go to sleep. But I felt so bad. I would have felt bad. Yeah. But bless the child for walking him back as well. Honestly, it's so spooky. And do you know what she's there when I said to her? Oh, thank you. I said so-so. It was so sweet of him to bring Joseph back yesterday. Thank you.

Sorry I wasn't there. She was like he's happy to do that every day if you want. Oh, thank you. Yeah, if you could we can arrange that from tomorrow. Fantastic. Yeah. Do you know what? I don't need to be in. I've got a coffee day actually tomorrow. So yeah, could you just take him in and maybe give him tea?

I'll pick him up three years around six. Can you imagine? No, I was like, oh, that's very sweet. Thank you. I was like, I will be here on time tomorrow. It's nice to know that if anything, God forbid, ever does happen, if you're ever stuck in traffic or anything or an emergency comes up, it's actually so sweet that you have that safeness and community to fall back on. Yeah. Because we've lost a lot of that now that the generations have changed and life has got where it's got to. It's actually such a lovely thing to have in space. And this is the whole reason. you decided to move the babies when you did to have a better life for them have a different upbringing

a different surrounding for them and this is just such a lovely community and I hope that gives you peace and again solidifying your decision to move from London back to Wales and have this life for them because that is really really special yeah no it is lovely

I was saying to Stefan it really feels like it's nice to be part of something you know and like yeah where people actually know your child and like, you know, you know their children. And people looking out. Yeah, people are looking out for each other. And you're not just an anonymous, you know, person

and you don't speak to your neighbours. And yeah, I mean, I've changed. Listen to me. Like, I would have been like, previously, I would have been like, I want a small talk with the neighbours. No, I'm like, hi, I stand at the bus stop in the morning. I'm like, anyone want to chat? And they're like, we've actually got jobs to get off to.

And I'm like, ever used to be like, fuck these kids, fuck these people, fuck these neighbours. Now she's Miss Rachel, bringing them all in. Come on. Yeah, honestly, I am. But there we go. So, you know, we've learned our lesson now. And, yeah.

You smashed it. Well done. Proud of you. At least you didn't leave him there for an hour on his own. So I've set it along with my phone now. I'm setting along with my phone. So I can't miss it for the next couple of weeks. I might slack off a bit come like October.

But I'm going to be there for the next couple of weeks at least. Well, that is Emma's secret this week. And we'll get into some of yours after this break. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away with number one. Please. Okay.

This says, Hey, beautiful ladies and mums. I have two beautiful babies, a seven-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son who's just about to start school. I'm a naturally anxious person. And with my son starting school, I'm nervous about him being the only one still in nighttime nappies and having accidents at school. My daughter was easy, but my son has found staying dry at night really difficult. All I get from other people is, oh, it's his hormones. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks.

Steph. What age did Seth say he is? He's four. See, and I'll be really honest with you because this is actually something that has happened within our family. The doctors won't review boys until a certain age. I, again, correct me if I'm wrong. I'm pretty sure it's either eight or ten that they won't consider boys to have any concern or any worries until they're like eight or ten. Again, don't correct me on that.

Correct me on that if I'm wrong. I'm pretty sure because we had it with my nephew and it was a really long time and my sister used to get really, really, really stressed about it. And obviously now he's fine, he's grown out of it. But it's one of those things which does worry you and does panic you. But it is really, really, really common. And as much it's hard, isn't it? Because I'm going to say as much as I can see it and give you all the reassurance, it's never going to make you feel better. but I just want you to know that it is very, very common. And also, if you do try to seek advice from the doctors, I'm pretty sure they'll tell you it's very, very common for boys to go through it.

But we've lived through it. Colby, I just landed really lucky with Colby. Also, I had friends. I have friends that have had boys. And like now, if you meet parents, like when I'm at football, the topic comes up. And they'll be like, oh, well, he actually wasn't dry at night until he was 8 or till he was 10 or till he was 12, you know. And I think when you talk to people about it's actually way more common than we actually realize. Yeah, I agree.

When Colby was going through it, obviously he was dry at night before my nephew, which was wild because Colby was three. He went from nappies and dry at night within the space of like four weeks. And he was dry at night. And my sister used to say to me all the time, like, how are you doing it? You know, what are you doing that is different to me and so forth? But my nephew just used to get into such a deep sleep that he just didn't wake up. So how old was he when Colby was three? There is between them now.

God, why can't I work out, work out the maths? Like five years? Five years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was hard.

And he grew out of it. The hard thing for me was, I think, as well, is like school trips, like when they went away for residential or camping trips and stuff like that. My sister used to get really, really stressed about it. But I said, nobody knows any different other than you and him. He'll just go to get his pajamas on for the night and that be that. He'll get into his sleeping bag. No one knows any different. He's old enough to go to the toilet and do what he needs to do. And no one needs to know any different. And I had to tell my sister that. And my sister was obviously so incredibly grateful for it. But I was like, he's old enough to understand and he'll do it. And one day,

he just woke up and that was it. Just never, never ever did it again. And it's one of those things, like, it's when you put the last baby growl, give your baby their last bottle, you know. It's one of those things now that if you were to ask her, she'd be like, actually, I haven't got, I haven't got a clue when the last time happened.

But when you're in the midst of it, it's so hard and so consuming and you worry about it so much, but it's also insanely common. Yeah, so normal. Like we're literally in this boat at the moment, Joseph Silvers put up at night. and the health visitor was like, don't even worry about taking it away from him until he's five.

And he's the same age, isn't he? Yeah, as Steph's little boy. Yeah, Jojo's the same age. Well, he's like four and a half now. So I don't know when your son is five. But, I mean, it was my intention to, like, get him out of them before he's five. And I actually said on here a couple of weeks ago, because I don't even if you remember, the lady messaged in saying that her son was kind of just using it as a crutch.

And when she took them away and just put a sheet on the bed, he was fine. And I was like, maybe I'll do that with Joseph then. But he's still waking up with such wet nappies that I'm like, I haven't dared to pull the trigger yet. And I haven't taken them, I haven't taken them off him. But I said to him this morning, do you still like wearing a pull-up at night? And he was like, I thought he'd be like, no, it's uncomfortable. And he was like, yeah. Yeah, I love it, actually.

Yeah, I love it, actually. I don't have to get up and go to the toilet. So obviously, I love it. Yeah. But he's just, he's not bothered. Like, and he's not, you know, like my nephew has just gone dry day and night at the same time. and he's the same age as Sadie, he's two and a half. And I do feel a little bit of like regret with Sadie that I didn't do night time at the same

time because I actually think she would have got it. Like when I first started potty training her, she was waking up with a dryish nappy. And I was too scared to do it because I didn't have that experience with Joseph. So I just kept a nappy on her. And now she knows that she wears a nappy at night and it wakes up, she wakes up with it absolutely soaking. And I'm like, I should have done that. I should have done that a couple of months ago when we started. But, you know, again, I'm not stressed about it.

the time will come that they'll both be out of them and it'll be fine. And I think you're right. Like when you're in it, you're like, oh my God, this is all I can think about. And it seems like he's like the only one. But I've spoken to a couple of other mums. And they say that their children still in nappies at night as well. But it's just not something people really talk about. So I think it's a little bit tinged with a bit of shame and embarrassment. Because you know, oh, your child's been dry at night since they were two. My child's nearly five and he's still in nappies at night. It feels like some kind of like failure. And I don't think people openly really want to admit to that. But actually, when you do ask people and they're willing to talk openly about it,

it's not as unusual as you think. No, and I think there's a lot of mums that will find this one reassuring, but also will also have their own experience with it. I mean, Renly's fully back in a nappy. Is it? Yeah, it doesn't matter how much I've tried. Because we spent so long in the garden with no clothes on, he just can't grasp that he's not in a nappie. So the moment we put pants on and clothes on, he just sweats through them. But the problem is, is he's getting too stressed with it. So with the whole school situation at the moment and being that I'm trying to settle them in that, I'm not stressing myself. I'm putting back into a nappy.

I'm not bothered and I'll do it again when I feel like the time is right. But again, there is a lot of shame in people saying, oh, well, I tried to body train and we had it, but now we've gone backwards. I think people are then embarrassed that they've had to go back. Not at all. Yeah, because they feel like they failed it. Yeah, no, not at all. I'm not faced the slightest.

They pick these things up. And I think as well, we have to give grace for it, the fact that they are fully asleep. And boys, my two boys, sleep way deeper than Dottie sleeps. Dotty, I don't know if it's a girl thing or there's more on her mind or where her imagination is so much more vast than the boys. She doesn't go in. She's a well light sleeper compared to them. She doesn't go into a deep sleep at all. She can sleep, anything will wake dot.

There'll be a gust of wind outside a window and she'll be wide awake. but the boys go into a really, really deep sleep. I hoovered in his bedroom the other night at 8 o'clock because there was Astro in it because Colby'd gone in to play with him from football training. He had Astro. I hoovered the room at like 8 o'clock.

Didn't even stir. Didn't even stir. I could have changed his whole pyjama set. I mean, he had his whole chin glued up, fast asleep, unbeknownst to him. Like, I could change the bed in, change his clothes, change his nappy, getting redressed in the bed.

He wouldn't even bat an eyelid. Yeah. Wouldn't even bat an eyelid. So, no, I think you give yourself some time. He is only little as well still. Four is still a lot. And if he's gone into school as well, now being four, I don't know if he falls into this year or if he falls into next year,

did Steph say, I was just about to start school, she said, yeah. I'm going to say he's starting this September. Yeah. There is a lot going on for him. Yeah. So I wouldn't stress yourself. Don't stretch yourself. Hopefully there's people that can give you some reassurance as well.

Drop us a message and let us know we can pass that on. to Steph. But thanks Steph, sending you all of our love and just know that you are not alone. We're all in this together, honey. Okay. Let's have secret number two. Okay. Hi, ladies. I need some advice because I'm really struggling with a change in my relationship. My partner, Freddie and I moved in together about a year ago and we're now at the stage of talking about our future and even considering having kids. He's just accepted an amazing job opportunity, which means he'll be travelling to America regularly, roughly two weeks away and then two weeks home. I'm so proud of him and I know it's a brilliant opportunity, but I can't

the feeling that I'm being left behind. I'm scared of the airport goodbyes, missing him and spending half my life counting down until he comes home. I know I need to find my own routine and make the most of my time while he's away, but right now I'm struggling with the thought of our life changing so much. How do you cope when your partner works away regularly, especially when you've just built a life together? And could this schedule work with children in the mix, Georgia? This is a tough one for me because I've never had to, I've not lived through that. So it's a really hard one. I always sometimes feel that it's hard to give my opinion or advice on something that I've never experienced or is my

reality. In comparison to like, if I was to compare it to my sister and my brother-in-law, my brother-in-law used to work really, really long hours. He used to work away a lot with his job. He's in like car sales. But when the time when she had all children that were at a really young age, he was away a lot. And I think you find a way, to make it work without realizing that you are making it work. But I just think if you love each other and you see a life with each other, you will find a way to make it work that works best for you because it will just become your new normal. And who knows how long that situation is going to be with his work, who knows how long, or who knows where the opportunity will take you. You know,

you might end up seeing so much more of the world with his job, you know. But I think it's one of those you kind of, it's normal to feel apprehensive. It's normal to question why it's normal to have the feeling of being left behind because it's not your life. You're obviously, it's your partner's life, but you're moving along with the way. So I think the feelings are completely normal and so valid. But it's just a case of until you're in it and doing it, it's hard to envision your life.

Yeah. With these things, I always kind of think, what's the worst that can happen? Like, you know, you could never do anything. And you don't know how it's going to be until you try it. Obviously, it is a huge leap. And I understand why you feel the way you feel. But I think you've got a way up the pros and cons. Like, if it's a really good job, maybe it's good money,

which could be great for your future family that you're planning. And I just think you have to try it and kind of see how you get on. And I do think if your relationship is strong enough, I think you can weather these, these kind of things. Like, I am in a situation where Stefan works away quite a lot. And obviously, yeah, I'd rather have him home all the time. But that's just not how it works. Are you sure?

Are you sure? Okay, maybe just a couple days a week. Just a couple days a week to myself. No, like that's just the kind of routine we've fallen into now since we've moved. And I don't go to work at all, really, apart from this. So it's just one of those things. I think your relationship will, will just work it out.

It comes at a really annoying time for you. Because I feel like if you were just together and you weren't at the stage of starting a family yet, I think it would be relatively easy to be like, you know, yeah, go for it. Go do this amazing job opportunity. And I think even though he's away for two weeks, those two weeks that he comes back, then you like do loads of fun things.

Fill up your time. Yeah, you fill up your time then and you do all this great stuff. Like my friend works on an oil rig. So he is away for three weeks at a time, comes back and sees his partner for three weeks, then he goes away for three weeks again. But in the three weeks that he's back on land, they live life to the max. Like they go travel around the country, see all their friends. But there are no kids in the mix.

And I think if you do have a family, obviously the situation becomes a lot more challenging because for two weeks at a time, all the childcare will fall on you. It's a tough one. But I just think if you're happy with those kind of like defined roles in your relationship, like me and Stefan at the moment, I'm like, you work away, I'm at home doing the brunt of the childcare and that's kind of just the agreement that we've come to for this stage in our lives. It doesn't mean it's not going to change in future. I always think nothing is for forever.

No. And if you hate it, you can leave. Yeah, I just think nothing is for forever. Right now it's just a stepping stone in your journey that's paved in your way for your future. And I just think if your relationship is going to it will withstand. this, but you just don't know where it's going to lead you in the future. And I think if you can get through this and find out what works great for you, who knows where that settles you up, you know, might settle you up for early retirement and so forth. But I think you find a way

as much as it feels really raw and really hard to manage at the moment, because right now he hasn't left. So it's hard to, it's hard to negotiate around that. But I think if you love each other enough, everything else is everything else is just sat in the background it's how you feel for each other and how you make that work who knows you might end up all starting a new life together in America

with your kids that's what I mean imagine the job opportunity meant that you lived in America or you travelled to you know stay out there with him with the children or you had a home out there you just don't know

and I just think the exciting opportunities I think to come from it would make me more excited to see where it goes, you know? Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And I think a bit of distance is healthy in relationships. Yeah. I like a bit of time to myself. I think it makes you appreciate the time more that you're together. I hate time on my own. I hate if you can't tell, I don't do well on my own. I go like little bit, go, co, co, co-choo. What about Chris? Chris loves it. Yeah, he loves been a wife. He's like, leave your own woman. Can't get enough of it.

Oh, he does. Well, at least your boat, you found someone who's on the same page. Me and Stefan love to spend time apart, you know. Chris, Chris is a real home bod. We both just love being at home, you know, but we make it work if he has to go away or work away. When we first got together, we worked away loads. Did he? But obviously there was no children. Yeah, yeah, we didn't have any children then, but he worked away, he worked away loads in the first, you know, when I was pregnant, actually, funny, I should say that. I was pregnant because we got pregnant very early on, but he worked to weigh loads. But you just wanted to make as much money as he could to set us up for the future.

Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? It depends what your priorities are really. But I think, you know, this could be, this could be great. And it could, you could make it work. Georgia doesn't say what her situation is, but maybe she's got a job that's keeping her in the UK. But like, there might be opportunities for you out there as well, you know, you don't know. But we're sending you all of our love, Georgia. And if, again, anybody has a long distance relationship or, you know, your partner works way or you're at home with the children and then let us know your circumstances, circumstances, situations. Yeah. And we'll pass them on to Georgia. Yes. Right. Let's have our last secret. Okay. Hey girls. I've just been listening to the first

year's episode with the lady who wrote about being worried that something could go wrong if she went out with her baby. And I have a funny story from when one of the worst things actually did happen to me and my daughter. Oh God. A poo explosion. My daughter, who is now four, must have been a few months old when her dad and I went out for some Indian food and as we were sitting there eating popadoms, what I can only describe as the smell of a festival toilet suddenly started coming from the bassinet.

To make matters worse, the restaurant did not have any baby-changing facilities and the car was at least a 10-minute walk away. We were the only customers there, so I decided I was just going to change her in the pram out table. That's a bold show. Oh, that's bold. In an Indian restaurant. Oh, God.

Not only had she produced a poo explosion, but as I took the front of her nappy down and lifted her legs to wipe her bum, she shouted. Oh God. Worse on a piss. Not even piss. I immediately put her legs back down, but with the movement of lowering her legs and the shart happening at the same time, it produced a fountain of poo. It landed on my cheek, onto my top, and then all over the inside of the bassinet walls. We cleaned everything up as best we could and continued to enjoy our food. So just some encouragement that these things do happen.

They're only as much of a big deal as you make them. And if anyone is looking or judging, that's a reflection on them, not you. Lots of love, Lauren, from Essex. Lauren, I don't know if that's going to help or hinder our mum that wrote in before. I just sat and ate my curry covered in shit. And then I went back to my coma. I'm going to have to take my hat off to you because that is absolutely, that is power to the mama who does not give.

a fuck. She's gone out for a curry. She's going to endure a curry. Regardless of shit or not, she's going to fucking do it. She don't go fuck. I don't care. Oh, God bless. But I just loved it. Just loved it. She just didn't give a shirt. Yeah. I'm wiping this at the table. Yeah. I've got poplar domes to eat and I've got a cold beer. Mango chup. Yeah. Yeah. God lover. What a babe. Sometimes I do think what's appropriate. Like my gauge now that I'm a mum, I think has gone like a bit too far. Like, I'll be like, in the library earlier, Sadie was like, I need a poo.

I was like, well, I've got the travel potty. I was like, you could just go right here. And then I'm like, that's not okay for normal people, is it? I only think that's okay because I'm a mom of two small children. But that's not acceptable. A child in their studying for their GCSEs or university diplomas are going to be like, maybe too much to watch a minor take a shit. Yeah, I've lost all concept of what's normal now.

Yeah, I personally wouldn't. have whacked out the potty in the library. In the middle of the library. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes I think, though, is not maybe whether or not I find it appropriate. I think I panic about the children's privacy. Do you know what I mean?

Like for me, I always think, as much as they are none the wiser, I also do not want anybody weird watching them. This is why I'm always a bit funnier as well about a travel potty, is that I don't want anybody seeing them. Because the world is full of a lot of weird people, isn't it? And I worry about a travel potty that people will walk past, look at them, and I just panic about that. So I try my best as much as I can to respect their privacy and get them into a toilet. But I think that mindset for me overweighs like any other, anything else, I'm fine, but just like the whole toilet or having to get them changed.

I would much rather carry them back to the car in piss and shit and change them in the car than to take their clothes off there and then when they've had an accident. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean, yeah. I'm not doing more washing. Sorry, you've got to go right here right now. Yeah, it's a tough one. No time to waste.

But yeah, I would have done the same thing. I would be like changing the nappy in the bassinet in a restaurant. I think me, if it was me, going back to Colby, Safina, I would have 100% left the restaurant and cried my arm. eyes out. Oh. But with dots and wrens, you would have been bum out in the Indian restaurant? Uh, do you know what?

No, probably probably cried with all three. Yeah, probably that exhausted, that shattered. I probably would have cried with all three. Yeah, like the call on. This is, this is, Reddy's would have been my first time out, you know, with the children and everything going on. I would have like, oh, God, this has ruined the mill. We've never made it.

We're never made it. This is the first time I've been out for a meal. My curry is hot. I'm not going anywhere. I've been with you, Lauren. and then I would have been I would have been out I've got to enjoy your

I've got some love to do you I'm so sorry sorry I'm so sorry so sorry let me pay for all your meals I'm so sorry It's that time that one time that really took a shit on the bus and it fucking stank

No it wasn't it was on the train wasn't it He took a shit on the train The loudest shit I've ever heard In my whole entire life And there were people go Buck and hell that stinks So I was like

God yeah that man's blocked that toilet God yes I didn't considerate But Go you, Lauren. I am going to vicariously lift through you. And we all need to be more Lauren, I say. More Lauren and Emma Jones. Don't be Safina, who's a soft teddy there. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. We all, what? Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us she can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com and we're Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you witnessed a poo fountain? Or has anyone else been accidentally absent for the school pickup?

Please do, yes. It will make me feel so much better. Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mamp Club.