Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Bush Hideout

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

Sophiena shares a major update on Dottie's new school and reveals why she's made a last-minute change to Renley's preschool plans, while Emma prepares for Joseph's first day in reception. Plus, Chris gets caught hiding in the bushes (for wholesome parenting reasons, we promise), and the ladies help a listener navigate tricky toddler behaviour.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. You do it. We were just talking about. We fucking it up. How you always get that line wrong? It's because we normally do a mini first and we'll start with a May. Yeah, you've got it. This is a podcast. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. All these secrets. don't stay here. You can do it. You can do it. Hold on. I don't want to look. Come on.

All those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mom club. Oh, sorry, nearly missed a slap. You got the nails. Thanks, honey. Do you love them? I saw her on your Instagram that you'd had them done because you were like, you know, had the ASMI, SMI, SMR, they tap everything.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. I could see that you were doing it. I was watching your lunchboxes. Oh, so delicious. I could see. What are they? What do you think they are? Um, oh, Adidas, obviously.

And then if we're staying with what I'm obsessed with at the moment. Toy Story. Yes. Which character? Oh. Oh. Buzz? Yes.

Because he's purple and green and then his buttons are red, green and blue. Oh, yeah. Chris is like, oh, I would have really gone for clouds. I don't really know where you had the lines. The lines are Adidas. Yeah, it's a cross. over Chris. It's a cross.

It's a collaboration of my name. So did you go in and say, can I have... So Jade, honey, sort me out. Add you does in the theme of Toy Story 5. Yeah. And she did. That's probably the nichest request she's ever had. Yes.

And she, bless her heart, said while I was in there, the lady that was paying to them, she said, don't fuck these up. She's famous. These are going to be all over our social. She will slag you off on social media. She done such a good job. So good. I wore my pretty pink and blue Adidas top.

because I thought, oh, I'll ask them, like, this is the logo. So they have a logo to copy. And the logo wasn't also the logo. It was just, it said just Adidas. And I got red paint on it. Oh, shit. So I was quite sad about that. Will it come out?

Well, I've tried to wash it twice and has come out. I need some nail varnish remover, but I don't want to touch it because I'm scared it will take my paint off. Yeah. So I'm going to get Chris Eto do it. Bloody hell. What a drama. See, I had those done this one. She hand painted them.

You're joking. No. The Adidas sign. Yeah. And the lines. And how are they so straight? I can't even walk in a straight line, let alone fucking paint one. That's small.

I can't paint just a nail. No. Just like a normal nail. Or inside the lines. No. I sometimes have tried to take some tips from them. You know, when they wrap it round their nail and then cut it, like cut the polish when it runs over a little bit. Oh, yeah.

It's hard to do it on yourself. I take the polish off. Isn't it? Yeah. Do you know I started painting my nails on the train to the wedding? Did I tell you I made a train friend? Because I was like, do you mind if I paint my nails on this train? Because I was on my way to the wedding.

Because a polish can be quite smelly. A smelly. And I was like, I'm not going to have another chance to do it. It left the house in a rush, obviously. And but I wanted my nails painted for the wedding. And I was like, I've got four hours on a train here. Did you just whip your toes out and say, why don't you just do my toes? Do you know what?

I did later on do my toenails. Is that frowned upon? No. I was on a delayed train for like five hours. No. So once I'd asked, I said, look, do you mind if I paint my nails? It's going to be a bit smelly. She said, God, no, of course not.

And then she said, I might actually do mine. So I sat next to this girl on this packed train, and we're both just like painting our nails, like two bezzies. Did she use your polish? No, she had her own. Stop it. I know. And I actually made great friends with her.

She was 20. She couldn't believe that I was like nearly 38. And I was like, this is actually mental that there's an 18 year age gap. But here we are just painting our nails. She was home on a holiday from uni. And the next day she was going interrailing around Europe. She'd been on a gap year. What the fuck is interrailing?

She was just like going around Europe on a train basically. Oh, wow. She was travelling. What was her name? I can't know. Can we not say it? I think I've already given too many identifying things. Oh, okay.

But yeah, it was really nice. Wow. Yeah. That's iconic. We were just like two besties just paint it in our nails. If you were in your pajamas. I know. That would have been really trading.

And then other passengers on the train were like, what's that smell? We were like, sorry, we're just having a slumber party over here. We just painted her nails. Me and my new best friend are just painting our nails. Oh my God. I know. That's a really iconic moment. What nice is that?

That is really nice. I know. And then when I turned up, I couldn't stop talking about her. And Stefan was like, get over it. You just chat to someone. Well, I just go to my conversation on the train today. Met a lovely man, Tim. Spoke the whole way.

She had way too much about our lives. And then we got off the train. He was like, I'm really sorry. I really felt like I'd known you my whole life. But this is the thing, right? So I'm like, obviously, as you know, someone who would like never normally speak to someone on a train. And when I got into this conversation, I did think,

oh my God, I'm going to have to speak to someone for the next four hours now. But actually. She was a dream. She was a dream. It made the journey fly. And also, do you know what the beauty of it is? There's like anonymity because you know you're probably never going to speak to that person again. You haven't even becoming friends. No. I haven't even found her.

So like she was telling me about her like situation ship and like all this stuff. And I was like giving her advice. And she was asking me about like having kids and marriage. All me and Tim talked about was rocket fuel. I feel like I've really missed it. Miss the mark. You need to make friends with a 20 year old girl. He was in on them.

He was lovely, Art Tim. So is it now made you more forthcoming? mean to speak to people in general transport general transport no i've never spoken 21 since oh but it turned out well is what i'm saying and there's a there's a element of like freedom in speaking to someone that's a total stranger because it's like they don't know you you don't know them it's not going to go any further exactly it's like therapy it's like so anonymous she knows who you are that's why she was so lovely no imagine she went that's the lady on sophina's podcast no talk to her no she's you can't say that no she wasn't she wasn't a listener she might have heard you on the radio

Absolutely. No. Too young. Listen, you can't be judging, honey. You can't be judging. You never know. So that's a new meet. Well, I say it's a new meet.

I haven't spoken to anyone since. She might have our own podcast and how did you want it? Yeah, maybe. Well, she's traveling on interlocking rail. Yeah. Interlocking rail. What did you say it was called? Inter railing.

Yeah. That sounds really naughty. It made me so envious of like being young and like free and single. Here she goes again. All these kids. They got me. God damn children. I'm not even going on a fucking holiday this year.

She was like, I've just come back from seven and so. And now I'm just going to go to Portugal and Italy. And I was like, God, you're so goddamn free. And she was like, I don't know what I'm going to do after uni. When I settled down. I was like, no, travel the world, my child. Be free. Don't do me.

Don't do a me. No, I mean, I didn't like. Emma really loves her life. Yeah, I know, I do. I didn't even lock it down that young. But I was just like, how nice for her to be like. So freeing. Oh, so.

See the world baby girl. I know. You go, do you? I know. Anyway. Keep painting those nails of strangers, I say. She could start a new thing. That's enough about my train friend.

How's your week been? To be honest, my week's been steady. Yeah. Because update from last week's big old secret is our girl's been in her new school for one whole week. Oh, yes. One whole week. I was thinking of you yesterday because I was listening back to the episode and I was thinking, how's dot getting on? Is she, how's it going?

She's in one whole week. I'll tell you what. I don't think I've ever seen her so free in my whole entire life. She is skipping out of the classroom. I would say, I was going to say, she's not got many words to say, but just because I think it's so easy. She's like, yeah, I met so-and-so today and I played with so-and-so. Also, the classroom, the playgrounds interlinking to the other year groups,

whereas the other school she was in, it was very segregated. Oh, really? And you could only play. Plus it was only year R one and two. So it's only three classrooms of children, or three age groups of children. So Year R play on their own and then it was only one and two together but she's obviously got reign of Year R

well no Year R have their own segment from one to six so she's got lots of friends in there and she's able to play with them and meet them on the playground see them in the lunch hole so no she's having she's very calm she's very very at peace so she's gone into the end of term

for year two so we have got her in exactly what we wanted to do and she's gone in for her first day last Wednesday so we did the show round on Tuesday, because I saw you Monday, didn't I last week? Yes. Then we did the show around on Tuesday. On Wednesday was transition day.

So she went in for the transition day, which was in the year three setting. So she met all of her new friends for next year, knew her teacher, seen her classroom, so knows all of that. And then went in on the Thursday back into year two because we've got like two and a half. Yeah. Two weeks left. Yeah. For her to settle in to the school perimeter.

So now she's getting used to like the playground. how the school works, where the hall is, all of those bits. So she's got all of this information in the space of like five days. And she's just absolutely loving it. She's flourishing. And now when she goes back in September, she'll know. She knows her teacher. She'll know the kids.

She'll know the teacher. She's got a couple of children that are in her class now that will be in her class next year. We know the door that she's going into in year three. Like it couldn't have fell any more perfect than when it did. Good. Like the first day that she went in was her transition day. So we found out all. all of our year three bits and then went in on Thursday.

And now she's obviously going through her last of our year two. So no, it's been really lovely. She's really settled. She's really happy. And yeah, best decision I think we could have ever. I'm so glad it worked out because it's been a lot of stress, isn't it? Yeah. Do you feel so relieved?

I feel so relieved. And in hindsight, like I said last week, is in hindsight, should I have left it as long as I did? No. I should have taken her out a lot sooner than what I did. but we tried and we gave it a good go and even she'll sit here and tell you we tried to make it better mum and it just didn't happen

and I really love that and I also love that it's solely hers it's like it's really nice at the moment because Colby's got his school Dotty's now got her school but Colby I always say it's funny when you have children Colby knows life without Renley and Dotty

Dotty. Dotty doesn't know life without her brothers and Renley now doesn't know life without the two of them so I feel like now they all have their own little thing. Like Colby doesn't know what it's like to be in Dottie's school. And equally, she doesn't know what it's like to be in his school.

So it's like they've got their own identity, their own person. They rely on themselves. Because a lot, I spent a lot of my life, which I don't ever take as a negative. And I think there's a lot of twin mums that can agree with me on this one is that when you go into school, you're always, either if you have an older sibling, you're compared to an older sibling, but more so with Richie and me being in school and exactly the same year is that I just got compared to Ritchie all the time. Oh, Saphina talks more than Ritchie.

Saphina's a little bit more sassier than Ritchie. Saphina's more argumentative than Ritchie. It was always, well, Saphina's this to Ritchie. And I love that now in their school, there's not going to be a child that goes to Colby and says, oh, your sister's really annoying. And vice versa, no one's going to be in her school and say, oh, God, your big brother's really cool, cooler than you. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. But there's none of that. They've got their own little entity. Nice. Yeah, and I really love that. So what are you going to do with Renli? Is he going to start You're going to have to wait. You're going to have to wait for Secret of the Week. I'm going to have to tease you. You have to wait. Okay.

Because we've had some big changes for our Wrens this week. Yeah. Because I want to know whether you're going to have to do three school runs. Well, I will have to though, why not I? That's going to be chaos in the morning. I think it will keep us on our toes. Well, doing one is like chaotic enough. But if I had to do...

But Sadie and Jojo will be in the same school, will they? Not from September. she'll be starting his preschool from April because it'll be the like term after she turns three. Yes. So she'll be starting in April. But again, she'll be doing what he's doing now. So that's only, they'll only be doing mornings. Okay.

But he obviously will be in all day from September because he's starting in reception. He's got his transition day on Thursday. Are you okay? I didn't even know. And then there's two new children joining the school. So on the parents' WhatsApp group, they got added in and they were like, looking forward to transition day on Thursday. And I was like, Joseph, hello. Hello. He just, he doesn't tell me anything. He didn't even tell me that when it was.

I think the school tell you though. Did you not get an email from the school? No, no correspondence. Just, you know, okay, you're going up to reception on Thursday for the day. I mean, to be honest, like, I don't know whether. I think they would have just take it. Sorry, I've got the hiccups. Did you take it? Because it's literally across the yard. So I think they're just going to take them over. But they're going to be in the close proximity together. You're not going to have to get in the car to drive saying someone else. No, no, no, no. But even now, I have to like, drop her at nursery and then him at school. So like even that's a bit of a, that's a bit of a

a, a bit of a stretch. But I'm always the late mum and now when he goes to reception he has to start, we have to be there 10 minutes earlier. Yes. So 10 minutes in the morning is a lot of time for you. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. Because we're always we're always rushing out the door. But you know, he can get on a bus. You do know, it doesn't change anything. I always feel

like there's people always say, oh gosh, I try and be on time. You don't have to excuse yourself. It's absolutely fine because we're all every morning's different some mornings I'm doing great and I get to school like 15 minutes before sometimes I'm a good half hour late and I'm like what is your excuse? Yeah

I needed a shit and I had to wait That's what always happened I don't want to shit myself We'll be ready to leave And Joseph would be like I need a poo And I'm like

No it's me that needs a poo Yeah I know So if I haven't got up and have my poo early enough That's it yeah Yeah Yeah And then I can't just poo on Q

Like I can't do the school run And then come home and go Oh, it's an hour and a half later than I would. Yeah. I'm going to squeeze it out now. No, it's gone for the whole day. That's it. And I'll be lucky if that's back in a few, you know, a few days off.

It's a whole other week that I'm packed up. So when you've got to go, you got to go. Yeah. No, I'm not living with constipation for a week. So yes, they will be late to school if I need a poo. Yes. Sorry. But next year he can get on a bus if he wants from reception, which I and is...

Joseph on a bus. At four and a half. I know. And I was... It's a school bus. Okay, fuck me. I thought he was going to be on the number 24 into bloody Cardiff Central. What the fuck?

Emma, more context. I did not just to think that when I would see like children going to school on the tube in London. And obviously for them it's so normal. I'd be like, you're a child on the tube. What is happening? I do love the yellow school buses in America though. I would move to America just for that. Yeah.

When they wait at the end of the drive and they get dropped off and they just walk down the drive. Well, we do have one, but it's not yellow. It's just a mini bus. I would really like a yellow school bus But they can go on from four Which I thought was like I was like well no way I'll obviously just still take him like

It's mental But the other parents are like Yeah no we're gonna do it And then what do you do then Are you gonna be he's gonna be the only one That doesn't get the school bus Exactly This is where I'm at

So now I'm like I don't want him to be left out Because two of his other little friends I'll get in on it Right So I'm like that'll be quite a nice thing For him to be part of I don't want him to be like

The only one that doesn't get the bus And then like be left out of stuff Yes But also I'm like sending him on his own At four On the bus seems mental and all the older kids

are on there as well Oh my life I know There's a whole charade on the bus I know Maybe they'll play like Devanga bus

On the bus Apparently the drivers are amazing Like I don't know what that means They look after them They don't have a chaperone or anything like It might do his confidence I'm great I do think so

He's flourishing Jojo The older he gets He is absolutely flourishing It might do him the world are good And I think if you just make it seem normal Yes If he doesn't know any different Exactly

Then he'll never No, but I literally can't bear the thought of like, for the first day at least, not seeing him go in. So me and Stefan, I think this is our plan, we'll send him on the bus, but we're going to follow them into school. You know, like we had the mum that wrote in and said she hid in the bush outside nursery. Yes. Me and Stefan are going to do that. Chris hid in a bush. Yeah.

So we've been walking with Colby, haven't we, back and forth from school at our collection point. Oh, have you? Yeah. So the school rung me the other day and they were like, oh, just want to confirm that Colby's walking today. And I was like, he's walked every day. Like, what, what's, and then I started panicking? Because I was like, what's today any different? So we got to the meeting point.

And I said, well, what's confused them? What's confused at school? Now, what if Colby doesn't know to walk to the point that we agreed? Because we were going a little bit further today. And I said, Chris, this is nothing we can do. You're going to have to run down there. You're going to have to run to the end of that road and hiding that bush. But don't let him know that you're there because I want him to have the confidence to walk up.

Yeah. But if he thinks that's where you're waiting, you can then come out of the bush and say, hi, hi. Hello, I was just passing. And then he said, Saphina, I look fucking mad down here. I'm in a bush by a school, watching children come out. Yeah, it's not a good look. Someone's going to fucking report me.

So then Colby carried on walking. So Chris trailed through all of the bushes alongside Colby. And then he was like, no stranger knows that that's my son that I'm following through the bushes. And he popped out of the car park, jumped out of the, Colby jumped out of his skin. And he was like, Dad, what are you doing? He was like, your mum made me watch you through the bush. I was like, it wasn't me. It was Dad.

And then he got up to me. He's like, gosh, dad's really struggling with this transition, isn't he? I said, yeah. Yeah, poor dad. Classic Chris, that is. Classic Chris. And he was like, you've made me look like a right fucking prick. Throw him right under the bus.

Not only to our child, but also to the general public. So no, I'm all for the bush. I'm all for the bush life. Yeah, I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going deep in the bush. I would get right in that bush. Yeah, because I need to just be able to see him go in.

Yeah. Because it's a whole different setup. It's like they've got a stand on the playground and then, you know, it's just It's not the same as taking them to the door. And just in case they want to do. Because Colby will sometimes be in the queue, get to the door and then he'll run back. And he'd just come back for like one more hug. And then I'm not like now, because he's going to the playground on his own,

I'm like, what if he decides I need another hug and just runs home? And the door's locked and we can't run home. But, you know, what if he just stands at the meeting point all day, like? I know. I just need to be able to see it with my own eyes that he's, and it will be fine. It will be fine. But like, I just need to be able to see that he's gone in. Yeah.

He's gone in, okay. How exciting. It is exciting. And I see him, like, gaining more confidence now. Like, when we, on the rare occasion where we do get there early, we used to just, like, sit in the car and, like, listen to a song until it was time to go in. But now he goes, come on, Mommy, let's go. And he says, like, I want to stand with the other kids. And then we, because the weather's nice now.

They all stand on the playground and, like, have a little play before they go in. And he just doesn't even, like, look back. He just runs off with his little friends. He turned up yesterday and a boy came over and gave him a big hug. He was like, Joseph. Joseph's like that. Oh. He's turning away.

He's so stiff. He's like, PDA, no thanks. He's, he's his mother's son. He's like, don't touch me. Don't touch me. When they keep their arms by their side. Yeah, he literally was like that.

Just like, pole. I asked him about it later and he said, you know, sometimes when a child hugs you, when another child hugs you, he said, I just, I didn't want to hit heads. So that's why he said he leaned out of the way. Okay.

I said, okay, son. Sure. You're your mother. You're your mother's son. Love you, my guy. But how's your week? Well, that's been it really. Just like reception prep.

We went to meet the teacher. Yes. And I had like a meeting. Lovely. She's really nice. But the problem is, is like his nurse, his preschool teacher, she's like Miss Honey. Yeah. She's just like.

They're so sweet and so lovely. She's just so lovely. But to be fair, reception teachers are. Yeah. And I'm sure the reception teacher is as well. And we know other people that have got older children at the school and they're like, she's lovely. Yeah.

It's all going to be great. It's going to be fine. But it's just changed for them, isn't it? That was like, well, us, we got teased with Dotty's year, our teachers. They were just, honestly, the most delicious teachers. They were so perfect for Dotty's first year at school. Like, I just love them. I adore them with every bit of my might.

And then it got progressively worse. Yeah. Not in the sense that the teachers got worse, but they just got more strict. Yeah. I think, because the older they get, they have to take school a little bit more serious. So teachers get a little bit more serious. is a little bit more strict. And it was just like, oh, if we could just take our year our teachers all the way through.

Yeah. That would be great. I think that's the thing, isn't it? Like when they actually have to like knuckle down and start doing some like work. Yeah. They're like, sorry, what the hell? Sorry. I don't just come to school and play with my friends.

That shit. What the hell? Get me on that bus. Get me eye. I'm fucking done. Yeah. But they like set out the school day for us. And it was like a total of like 20 minutes within the school day for play.

And I was like, oh, yeah. Guys, that's not enough. No, it is. You're going to have trouble with these kids. kids. Like they used to just basically play in all day. But I think at the beginning it's like learning through play. It's either like the maths and English is like learning. You know. And it's fun. They're playing and they make it fun and stuff. Yes. But yeah, I'm excited for him. It's going to be, it's going to be big change. I love that so much. But I feel relieved that

like he's, the school is familiar to him. He knows it already. If he was just going from like cold turkey to reception, I'd be nervous. But because he's been there, he knows it. It's just a longer school day. And he knows all the children. I feel like he's going to be fine. He's going to be great. Yeah. He's going to love it. Yeah. And he's ready, isn't he?

I think he is, yeah. Yeah, yeah. God, no fuck that is what he's going to be like after six hours at school, though. I think it's going to be absolutely knackered. You say this, mine come back more wide than what they left. Yeah. Oh, because when he's knackered, he's a devil. No, mine come back crazier.

Do they? Yeah, they still keep going. I think how have you got the energy? Why are you not tired? Why? I'd be snoozing. Yeah. I'd be snoozing.

Yeah, I'll be snoozing. Yeah, I'll be. So Emma and I really want to hear from you Yes we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club You're all welcome You can share your secrets with us Respond to what we've been talking about Or just say hello

You can find us on TikTok and Instagram Just search for Secret MumPod Or you can email us hello at secret mumpod com Welcome back We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club And I've got a whopper for you this week I've talked about it on my social

So you may have seen Is this Renner's? This is Renly We have made a big bold choice to not enroll Renley into his preschool in September. You're not doing it because, because backstory, he was supposed to start in April. So we've gone along a journey now where he was meant to start April. Yeah.

Then it got delayed. We got offered it in June, which we did turn it down to then enroll him from September. But we have decided to end of an era of the preschool that we've known for 12 years. So he won't be going at all? He's going to go to preschool, but he's not going to that preschool. Only because with Dotty now being in a new school, with Colby going to, they're going to two different schools, whereas before when we enrolled him in the school,

my intention was to have them both in the same school, which would have made life ten times easier. But with Dotty being at a school and getting Colby to a walking point for him to walk to school and readily being so far away, I would have just spent my whole day driving, dropping off, getting in the car, driving really to preschool, coming home, by the time I know it, I having lunch, going back in the car to get him, to have him home ready to go back on the school run and get the other two. So we had to make a very, very hard decision. And he was meant to have his induction day Friday last week. And I drove down to see them. And they were just so wonderful and so lovely and just said, look, we completely get it. We will hold him a space open. And if things do change, you're always welcome to call us. And we can change it.

but we took the hard decision to go and view some other preschools. And we viewed a couple, but we saw one yesterday. Both of us instantly fell in love. More to the point that Renli just walked in, didn't even look back, ran off, just started playing. Took his shoes off. He was in the water. He was talking to the ladies. He was having the time of his life.

Went indoors, had a snack. And he was instantly, because we viewed a couple and he didn't leave our side. And I was like, if he's not leaving me, I feel like the one that's right is going to be the one he leaves. So we viewed two and then that was our third one that we went to and he just ran in. Just ran in. So we applied yesterday. We went for a show around, applied applications gone in and he's been offered a place to start in September. Oh my God. I know. Isn't that crazy? And again, it feels so strange because him going to preschool, that was all Colby and Dotty knew was it was their preschool. Yeah. So they was like, oh, I can't believe he's going to that preschool and he's going to

really love it. And do you remember so-and-so was there? And what do you think he's going to do? And we'll be able to drive down and see him outside. But now he's going to a whole different preschool that neither of them know about. Well, obviously, they'll know off the preschool, but they've never been there. They've never been inside. They don't know nothing. So he's got his own little, he's got his own little building that's fresh for him that no one else's in the family's been to. And it feels really nice. It feels like we're, we're kicking off this new year. So you were thinking, you were going into September thinking he wasn't even going to go to preschool. I knew he was going to go to preschool

But did you know which one Yes Fine Well we kind of had set our hearts On the one that the other two had went to But we had to make literally an overnight decision With dot even enrolling to our new school So quickly

We kind of had to make a snap decision And say look this just isn't We're not going to be able to get him there on time By the time we'd get there It'd be like quarter to 10, 10 o'clock By the time I then get back home It's half 10 Do a bit of housework

I've got to leave the house at half one To go back and get him Yeah To then pick him up Bring him back over And then get up And then do the other two school runs. So we just had to make a...

And I was so wrapped up in all Dotty's newness and exciting news that I lost sight of knowing when Renly's induction was. And then completely forgetting he was even starting preschool in September. So I was like, fucking how, I had to make a snap decision overnight.

And I said to Chris, what do I do? Do I go down there? Chris was like, give him a call. So I went out for a drive because I was a little bit upset. Because it is really upsetting. And I really wanted him to go there. And it's just what we know.

And I know everybody. I know how familiar it feels. and I'm not really too good with change. And I kind of in my head was like, I feel safe that he's there because I know everybody. But I had to make, but I drove down there. I had to make a really hard decision.

I was going to call him. Then I was like, do I text him? Then I run Chris and I was like, I'm outside. And he was like, where? The preschool, shall I go in? He's like, yeah, you're making a real fucking big deal out about this. Just go inside it. It's okay.

And I cried. I cried my heart out. But they were wonderful. They were so wonderful. And now we've enrolled him into another preschool. And he's going to start. it's just going to be so perfect for him and so much more manageable for us

to get all through to school at the right time. I feel like he's going to love it. He just didn't look back. I couldn't fucking believe it. Like I couldn't, they got a really nice outside area that's all covered.

Everything's really cool. The building's really bright. It's really open. Everyone was so sweet and so lovely. And like he walked in and he just didn't, he just parked up his scooter. From the moment we got to the door,

just parked his scooter and just walked in. I mean, he's always been there. That's the best sign you could get. Mad. Did he, did he, like, play with any of the other kids? Yeah, yeah, he was playing with the other children. And he was kind of, and I said to the lady, you know, he's not had to share anything because we've got the bigger two that don't really have toys.

He doesn't share. He doesn't really have to share because they're just his. Yeah. And the other two go, oh, don't cry, have your toy back. Yeah. You know, when he's like, you're back to me. Yeah, a two-year-old's going to be like. Okay.

They don't fight it. They didn't fight it. They didn't fight it. They didn't fight. playing with the little babies. The children were talking to me. I was like, oh, so what age range are they there? Is it two to four?

So they take them from, yes, two till, till four, five, depending on when they go to school. So he'll be there until he starts school? Yeah. That's only, no way. He starts school in 2028. Sorry, so that's two. He'll be left two years. So he's going to do September.

Yeah. 26 to 27, then 27 to 28 and then start school. Yes. Oh my gosh. I'm actually really excited about it and I was really dreading it. And I don't know why. I was dreading out. I don't know whether it because the preschool's quite a distance from the house. I always panic about being able to get to them quick enough. Yeah. And obviously when Colby and Dots was in there, not that I didn't have anybody else, but obviously I just was like, oh, well, I'll just pop over and get them. Now when I'm working and Chris is working and I'm on my own or if I'm up in London or anything like that, I just was like, oh, I don't know if I can deal with him being so far away. I think what doesn't help is like Colby's walking back and forth to school. So that's really stressful. So to know he's out on his own in the wild walking. Redley's half an hour away. I was like, oh, I can't. It's too much stress. But I feel so at ease

with it. The building, the preschool is just really lovely. So will he be there every day? I think we're going to do three days, but they do what? They do off for five days. So I was going to say, if you suddenly had like no kids in the house from what, like, Monday to Friday, like half the day. What am I going to do? What are you going to do? No idea. Just keep painting my house. Just keep painting it every single week. What are you doing today? Just painting again. Didn't you just paint that? Yes. You're so good. But yeah, so Dotsie's in a new school. Colby's walking back and when it's starting a new school. This is a really epic last six weeks holidays then. It feels really massive. Like I am emotionally, mentally and physically, drained. Yeah. I cry most

nights. It's a lot to process. I don't know that I'm processing it yet. I think when it gets the school holidays and I can actually sit down and try and process it all because at the moment, I'm basically just on a fucking treadmill. Yeah. I'm running. I'm getting fucking nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. That's my secret. Well, congratulations. Thanks, honey. I feel so great.

I feel really, really like grown up. Like I'm making really big, responsible decisions. You are. It's not for the fucking week. No. It's fucking hard. No one tells you how hard it is to be a grown-up. You make decisions for yourself, but for three.

Three other people. And yours haven't been straight forward either. No. You know. It's how you like to do things. We've come out of the other side fighting. Look at us going. We're surviving.

We're surviving, not thriving. And we'll find out some of yours, What? And we'll get into some of yours after this short break. Listen, I might have got the first line fucking right first time, but I'm fucking every other one in this segment. It feels right. It feels really great. We've got three secrets from you this week that we are going to be discussing. Yes! Maybe it's when I think about it too much. I fuck you do.

Don't ever think it. Right. Emma, take it away with number one or no? Okay, this says, hi, Sophie and Emma. Hello. I have a one-year-old son and we've just started looking at nurseries for next year. What the hell? What is it? It's almost like Maz knows when she puts this podcast together.

She didn't. I didn't even tell her. Oh, that was a secret for her as well. Yeah, I hadn't told Maz. Oh, wow. No, she's not in it in the corner. We're really lucky because we live close to a beautiful private school that takes children from age two right through to sixth form. We qualify for funded hours at the nursery and even with the extra cost is actually much more affordable than we expected.

My partner and I thought, sod it, let's go and have a look and I absolutely fell in love with it. They have a forest school, a swimming pool where the children go once a week. and they even start teaching French from the age of two. And all the children eat lunch in the main school dining hall alongside pupils of all ages. I'd send my little boy there in a heartbeat, but I'm worried about what happens when he reaches reception. We wouldn't be able to afford the private school,

so we'd have to move to a state school while all his friends stayed behind. I can't stop thinking about him having to leave all his little friends. The mum guilt is so strong. I want to give him the best possible start, and it feels like such an amazing opportunity, but is it cruel to take him out after two years because we can't afford to continue?

or should we just stick with a state nursery from the beginning? Neither me nor my partner came from a private school background, so I think we're both feeling a bit of imposter syndrome too. I'd really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you, Eva from Suffolk. Oh, Eva. The private school argument is a tricky one, isn't it? It is a tricky one.

And I would say as well, I feel like I'm there with Eva because Colby and Dottie went to a preschool that's like half an hour away from our house. But Colby joined the school that was attached, didn't he? because he went in the area of that preschool, but then he did an in-year transfer. So he left that school at year two and went to a different school where he knew nobody.

But Dottie went straight from preschool into a school over by Kobe. Kobe? I can't even say my fucking kids. What are your kids called? What the fuck? I'm having brain fards today. Dottie started a school with nobody.

And was she fine with that? Yes. She was okay with that. I think children are more resilient than we take credit form. And I think we put more of the stress onto them than what we're feeling. Yeah.

What is not actually what they're going through. So Dotty coped great. Obviously now she's done an in-year transfer the same as Colby from year two to year three like Colby did. And she's coped great. So again, I think it's us. I think it's within our heart. Yeah.

And it makes us feel stressed. So I personally, if I was to give you advice as a friend, I would say there's no harm. Yeah. Children are really, really resilient. And I think if you have the opportunity to do it, why not? Yeah, I think if it's right for now, and you love it and it's like making sense financially and it seems to be ticking a lot of boxes.

So I think don't put the cart before the horse. You might as well just like do the next two years if that's the right, if that's the best thing for your child now. And like you say, I think when it comes to it, he'll be fine. It would still be so little making a change, like only like four or five. Yeah. So I feel like you may have a little bit more trouble getting them over to a new school rather than the people that are going to continue in that school.

But I think they'll get used to it really quickly. I don't think it was ever brought up with Dottie. So Dottie left in what was year R so she was four. So she left the preschool to go to school. She didn't question it. Also when you do go to reception at a state school, if that's what you choose, a lot of children there will be starting from scratch. Yes.

He won't be the only... Some children haven't gone to preschool. Exactly. Yeah. So he won't be the only... like new child in the classroom. It's not even like what Colby did, you know, moving in year two. Like, you'll be starting new with a lot of other kids.

Yes, you might have to leave his other friends behind. But it doesn't mean to say you can't stay in touch with them outside of school. So if he makes really good friends with someone, obviously, you can continue that relationship. But yeah, I think if it's right for you now, do it. You've got to follow your heart, haven't you? You really do have to follow your heart. And it seems like a good opportunity. Yes.

To be able to afford like. So you might be fluent French. It might be fluent in bloody French in the next two years. Bloody hell. And be able to swim. Yes. I say go for it. I mean, it sounds amazing. And if you're getting the funding for it, it just seems so phenomenal. I think why not? Why not? Yeah. And I think you just cross that bridge when you come to it. Don't stress about it. Just enjoy it for what it is. Take the advantages that the school are offering. Yeah. And yeah, assess it from there. But some children don't go to preschool. So there we'll be starting from the get-go. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But if anybody else that has been in this situation or had a similar journey, then do let us know. Because we do love to pass. on your stories to to other mummers in your position.

So thank you Eva so much. Right, let's have number two. Okay, this one says, hi, Sophan Emma. I'm 27 and have two beautiful little boys. Grayson is three and Fletcher has just turned one. Oh, beautiful names. I'm really struggling with Grayson's behaviour at the moment, both at home and when we're out.

I can't even go around a shop on my own with both boys because Grayson will either lie on the floor and completely refuse to walk or he'll run away from me. I've tried everything. I'm also having a really hard time getting him into nursing. He tells me he doesn't like it, but when I ask why, he says he doesn't know. The nursery have told me he's often having to be reminded about his behaviour and that he's very emotional and at home we're seeing exactly the same.

He's also constantly climbing on his little brother. I'm completely at a loss. He's the sweetest, most loving little boy and when he's good, he's really, really good. I just wondered if he had any advice because I really hope I'm not the only mom going through this. Thank you for listening, Bethany from Hull. Oh, Bethany. I'd say you're definitely not the only mom going through this.

You're 100% not the only mom. I was just about to say that you're definitely not the only mom. any mum that's going through. It is hard, isn't it? Yeah. Because you feel at such a loss, everything you do or every angle you try and take, it doesn't make it better.

With Colby, we had a patch where he was just not enjoying anything. He wasn't enjoying. But we have to remember with boys as well, as they do have big surges of hormones. So they go through, rather than girls who gradually the hormones develop and they have very gradual developments, boys have big bursts.

And three was a big one for Colby. And I used to, if he led on the floor, I used to join him on the floor. Or I used to make it really fun and like run around with him. So rather than telling Colby that his behaviour was bad or that he was naughty, I used to do it with him. So if he'd run in the wrong direction, I'd be like, well, I'm going to catch you. I'm going to catch you. And then nine times out of ten, Colby would run back after me and go, well, actually, no,

I'm going to fucking catch you, you know, in his little head. Or if he led on the floor, I'd be like, oh, we're lying on the floor. The amount of times I've led on the floor in the middle of Tesco's. Have you? Yeah, because I just think, well, at the, it's something that I, not that I'm doing it right or doing it wrong, but I look at my children as being three children who deserve as much respect as anybody in this world, any child, any adult, any person, you know, everyone deserves respect. And in that moment, there is something so big that they are unable to, unable to explain,

unable to process, unable to deal with. And if at that point they want to sit on the floor, Who am I to be like, get the fuck off of the floor? Yeah. I'm going to sit on the floor and say, look, let me help. If I'm going down to their level to be with them, I want them to feel, oh, okay, actually, she's listening to me. She's understanding.

She gets it. Rather than... Because I think you look at it from an adult perspective and you're like, all you get is, like, frustrated because you need to go around and get your shop done or you're in a rush and you've got somewhere to be. You haven't got time to be playing games. And the more you say to them, do the opposite things to what they want to do, the less they're going to do it.

And it is so, it is so frustrating. It's tiring. It's exhausting. It's mentally fucking tiring. And you become exasperating because you're like, just do what I'm asking you to do. Let's get this over and done as quickly as possible. But their little brains just don't understand. Things like small things, like if you're going to the shop, I always used to go to the shop

when I didn't need loads of stuff. So if I just needed a loaf of bread, I would talk to Colby on the way and be like, oh, we're going to go to the shop now. I need to get a loaf of bread. Do you think we can find it and be out? in five minutes. I'm going to set the timer. And I used to set a timer and we'd go and we'd get the bread and we'd go, I'd get the till. I'd go, I'm going to catch you to the till. We'd get the bread. He'd get out. He'd go, stop the clock. And we'd just check our time. Yeah, that's a good idea.

I used to butt heads and everyone always says to me, oh, God, how do you stay so calm with the children all the time? Why are you so patient? Because it doesn't matter how patient I am or how angry I am, I get the same response out of my child. So why am I, one, going to stress myself out, shouting at them to say stop doing this, stop doing that, when I can just be really chill, really calm. And why not just join the chaos? Because they are any little ones. And I need to keep myself calm to be the best version for them. Do you know what I mean? So it is hard. And also when you're in the thick of it, it's hard to fucking see anything outside of that, isn't it? Yeah. It's hard to look at anything else. But I'm sure there'll be so many people that

can give you lots of advice. We're obviously out of it, potentially entering it with Renley. because that kid does not listen to a word I fucking say. Literally, I feel like he's just going to be like this. Fuck you, bitch. I feel like three was easier for me because two with Joseph was such a fucking nightmare that I was like, oh, by comparison, three actually seems all right. But I think it comes at different phases. I've got friends with three-year-olds now and they're like, oh my God.

Yeah, they're a nightmare. I can't get them to do anything, can't get them to listen. They're all developing at different rates. And I think like two, three, four, even Joseph now, he's four and a half. I would say two to four. So he still has moments. Renz is just going into it now where he doesn't listen. He runs off.

Yeah. But obviously now the hardest thing is is them to chase him. And then I'm like, Colby, bring him back. He's like, he's gone out of the door. We'll go out of that door. Yeah. Get him out of that door. But obviously he, they're making it fun for him.

They're making it game. Yeah. They're making it easier for you because they can be the fun and you can be the mom. Whereas like, it's hard when you're like, I've just got to do the food shop. All on your road. and make this fun as well. And also, by the way, you've got a one year old to look after as well, who's sitting in the trolley getting fed up. And it's just been trampled on at home. You know, it is hard. And things with like at preschool again as well is, I hope the preschool

will be in really, really supportive. I hope they're not just coming back with negative things, but maybe work with the preschool, speak to them and see if there's things that you can do, if you're implementing things at home that are really working for you. If you can say to the preschool, look, we're trying to do this, this and this. And like, Like silly things before Colby used to go to preschool because Colby was my hardest one to let go at preschool. He cried a lot. I used to get him to pack his bag and I used to like silly things, put a little heart to think of me. And, you know, all of that stuff, you know, gets to Renley.

Kid doesn't even want to know me. He doesn't pack his bag. He's probably packed one apple for the whole fucking day. But it's just changing small things. Take slow steps. Yeah. And implement things at home. Then hopefully the preschool can then.

Yeah, can support you with. can support you with. I was going to ask whether he's all right once he's there because if he's happy once he's there, then, then that's the main thing. I don't think she mentioned that. The nurse who have told me he's often having to be reminded about his behaviour. Yeah, and he doesn't like going in. And he is three. So I think it would be hard to sit down and have a chat with him about his emotion. And that's why he says, when she says, why don't you like it? He says, I don't know. Because he like can't articulate why he doesn't like it. Also, try, try giving him, I don't

know, obviously your home situation. I know, I know you've got Fletcher, who's only one. I don't know when Fletcher goes to bed, if you have some time with Grayson on his own, just to give him some time just to himself. Or like if your partner is around, if you cook dinner with them, the only time I ever got anything out of, Colby was quite an open book, but anything out of Dottie who was very reserved when she was little, was to do something that occupied her mind. So if we were cooking, she'd be like, oh, at school today, I cried because so-and-so said this to me or this happened or I don't actually really like it there. It could be anything but once their mind is distracted and on something else. They might come out with it.

They might come out with it. So yeah, maybe occupy him with or like a mummy and grace and date. One to one time would help. Because I think there's probably a lot of jealousy there over the new baby. Which is natural. Which is normal. And I think it comes at different times. Like Joseph's happened literally the minute Sadie came home from the hospital for like

the first year. But I know again with friends of mine and they'll be like, oh, they've taken to the new baby so well. And then five months, six months a year a year in, they suddenly go, oh my older child's really playing up. Yeah, because they've realized that mummy has to be with the baby a lot of the time now. So it could be that as well. So I think, yes. But I think everything you're going through is very, very normal. Very normal. I don't want you to think you're alone. But when you are in this, you do feel insanely alone. And there's nothing more soul destroying when you're going in the shop.

Your child is running around. You're stress. You've got the baby in the pram. You need food. And then you're watching another, another mum walk around with her baby and the baby's napping or, you know, and it's really hard. It flows really heavy on your heart. And you just think, well, What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Yeah. I just feed mine around. Feed them. I do feed them around the shop. In the trolley. Give them food. Here's my phone. By the time I get to checkout, I've got nothing left. Yeah. Yeah. I chuck the rappers away. You got to do it. You got to do it. Joseph's so like law abiding, isn't it? He always goes, Mommy, are we going to pay for this? No. Destroy the evidence. Eat that rapper.

No, I don't. But Bethany, we're thinking of you, my darling. And again, if anybody's got any tips, tricks or any advice or stories that they've, you know, what they've done and we can share it on to Bethany. So thank you very much. Right. Let's have our last secret. All right. This one says, Hi, ladies. Your episode about the lipstick crime scene reminded me of something that happened when my oldest son was about six years old. He's 20 now. We were visiting my dad and the whole family was outside welcoming my grandmother home after a trip to New Zealand. We had the fire going for a bri. Brii. Brii. Brii. Bri, which is a South African version of a barbecue.

Oh, nice. Yeah. My little adopted sister, who was about three at the time, and my son were happily running in and out of the house playing. We were all taking turns checking on them, so we thought everything was fine. Then all of a sudden, my now ex-husband came running outside, shouting that the kids had started a fire inside the house

because they wanted their own little bri. Thankfully, my dad had a fire extinguisher nearby and managed to put it out before it caused any serious damage. They started a fire in the house. Yeah. The whole lounge ended up covered in white fire extinguisher powder. the carpet was completely ruined and it took my dad's girlfriend weeks

to get everything cleaned up. We can laugh about it now but at the time it was absolutely terrifying. Ironically, my son is still obsessed with making fires and jumps at every opportunity to light the bry. Thanks again for all the laughs. Love Jackie in South Africa.

That is... Jackie, that is terrible. I feel like it's such a boy thing though. Man sees fire, don't they? And they're just like, oh yes. How did you know how to start a fire? I have no idea. When you were reading it,

I thought, well, this is a fire. this is a really lovely story. And then my brain clicked in. And we're like, sorry, what? Fire in the house. Fire in the house! What? Oh my God.

I'm glad you caught that when you did. Could you imagine. Imagine they burn the fucking house down. That actually could have been so much worse. I'm so glad everyone's all right. I'm really glad everyone is okay. But holy moly, that's a big one, isn't it? Imagine when he has his own children, what if they are all fire starters,

twisted fire starters. I feel like we're a bit more like hot on it now. you know this was 20 years ago this was 14 years ago yeah that is it's very cute though isn't it is it cute I just want a little fire you know Stefan loves to have a candle lit

and I saw Sadie climbing up on the table the other day she's like I want to do birthday right it's just blow it's when they blow them so hard and the wax goes out of the candle oh love it I blow it like that it sucks in he goes

they blow through their teeth so there's loads of spit he sucks in through his he goes he gets to a candle and he goes yeah it's not gonna work it's not gonna work bad babes Not going to work, my darling. Oh, Jackie, that is adorable. Thank you, Jackie.

Slightly scary. I'm glad everyone's okay. Terrifying. Yeah, I'm glad everyone's safe. And he's here to tell the tale. Yeah. After his starting his own little bri. I wonder if he does him now.

She knows it now. Oh. Stop doing him in the house. Yeah, thank God they're outside. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. One, two, three. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us you can,

the email is hello at secretmompod.com. and we're Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you laid on the floor at Tesco's? Or have you made a bestie on the train? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!