Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Chesticles

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

This week Sophiena and Emma chat about the reality of dealing with a looming childbirth after we hear from a mum who is weighing up her birthing options. There's another poo incident in the mix and the extra secret of the week has the ladies howling as it's a classic case of children saying the wildest things! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to our Thursdays episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. All the comments, thoughts and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? It's time for another Correspondence Corner.

That's the best one yet. I feel like we need to collate all the Correspondence Corners. What with all of our singing and our correspondence corners, just to make like a montage. I agree. I think we need a mashup, a medley if you will. Yeah, medley, medley mashup. So Emma, hit us off with number one.

All right, this one says, Hi mums, I've just listened to the Magic Pumps episode and what a rollercoaster of emotions. Listening to Soph's birth story and what she has been through had me in tears yet hearing the little babies making baby noises throughout was so heartwarming I'm due in July and petrified of childbirth even though this is my fourth child lots of life changes have happened since my older children were born and for some reason I just feel so scared I've been offered a cesarean but I just don't know that I would cope with the recovery well from Lisa oh my god I feel like if I could have written anything this is what I could have

written because I was I said to you didn't I I'm shit scared of giving birth yeah like I feel the more you go on the more fucking scary it gets yeah and I feel like the more you know the worse it is like I think yeah going into your first like ignorance is bliss isn't it and then the second time you're like couldn't it's been as bad as the first so second you know that was just that was just bad luck that was fluke you know whatever you want to look at it and then you go the second time you're like no that shit wasn't a joke yeah that shit was real this is gonna. Well, this is like you though, because even though Lucy's on her fourth child, you were like this for your third.

My third. And a lot of time had passed since the first two. Yeah. Time for you to get scared again. And I even said to you, didn't I? The amount of times I said to Emma, like I said to you, like, I'm so, why are you having a cesarean?

Because I'm so fucking scared. And then I'd say to Chris, but I'm so fucking scared to have a cesarean because I'm scared about the recovery, scared about all the things. Because obviously I did, I basically did far too much research on having a cesarean.

Like there's research in it for your own brain, but there's like research and then there's like research. And I did, I did, I did far too much. Far too much. I watched too many good stories, bad stories, researched, Googled.. I did far too much. Far too much. I watched too many good stories, bad stories, researched, Googled. I've done far too much. But Lisa, I honestly couldn't feel or relate to something any more in my life than this.

Because this was me literally for the last nine months. Yeah, I would say with regards a cesarean, I feel like a lot of, there's a lot of myths surrounding cesarean recovery. And actually, I think if you're a relatively fit and healthy person, you should be absolutely fine with the recovery. Mine was like, I was pretty much back to normal after like a week. And I see people online saying like, I'm not going to be able to lift my baby or nurse my baby. And obviously everyone's different. But for me, that just wasn't true. With both my my cesareans it's not been a problem at all so i would say if you're a fit and healthy person it's not really something you need to worry about if you're fit no

stop talking safina if you're a friend i was just gonna say obviously with that is that the the more time that's going on like back in like our mum's having babies cesarean like my mum was bed bound and couldn't pick me and my brother up and that was what 35 years ago yeah and i think you're so right i think there's the technology's come on a lot hasn't it yeah and i think back then they did tell you a lot more to we didn't know how well us women could recover and how well our bodies could go straight back and I think over the time um since like our parents having us I think over the time is women have shown how fast we can recover from it yeah and also like a lot of my friends that had vaginal births like their recovery has been harder than mine from a cesarean which I feel

like is not like the information that that you normally get from like from midwives and doctors and stuff but yeah some of some of the stuff that my friends are dealing with now leak of pelvic floors and all sorts i can't kudos to that emma because i fucking i'm having a bad time yeah news about your piles is it tune in monday no spoilers no spoilers tell you all the gory details my anal yeah my anal dish exactly so would recommend a cesarean and also if you have found it a little harder to recover from a cesarean, again, that is perfectly normal. It's based on you and your body and how you recover from it. So I think, yeah, I just think we need to, we have a little bit of faith in ourselves.

But you've got this. And don't, you know, keep talking to us. Let us know how you're getting on. Because I feel like I couldn't relate to this anymore. to us let us know how you're getting on because i feel like i couldn't relate to this anymore and i was gonna say maybe if i have baby number four i'm not having another baby i'm chopping chris's willy off are you yeah well we know we're never having sex again so you'll be fine yeah i'm never having sex ever again sorry chris hey no more itchy legs for you pizza dick all right trying to just eat his bacon sandwich like my dick

my dick send help all right i've got one more message here it says hi soph and emma talking about oh god talking about poo smearing made me want to share my toilet training disaster when my soon-to-be three-year-old was a couple of weeks into toilet training we ventured out for a walk on a local bush trail to catch up with a friend. But not just any friend, the kind of friend who is full of poise, grace, and has a perfect baby that isn't messy and sleeps. Oh, don't you hate them? I had the potty in the back of the buggy but didn't offer it to him during the walk.

When we stopped by the stream to look at the ducks and have a snack, I hear, Mum, I pooed. Wow! New Zealand! I think that's the furthest we've ever gone! New Zealand! Wow! That is phenomenal. I think we've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go.

We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go.

We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. We've got to go. all the best from Ali in New Zealand wow New Zealand I think that's the furthest we've ever gone New Zealand wow that is phenomenal I would agree with you because I've got no geographical awareness whatsoever yeah sure sure I actually think you dealt with that admirably Ali I um I always get like the fear because there's that there's that horrible video that went viral, wasn't there, where that woman pooed in the lift and she just shook it out of her trouser leg.

And I've always had fear, like potty training, like when the babies were potty training, like if we're out on a walk, what if the poo just, they just shake it out, you know? And that's literally what happened. Yeah, but I think like that, that's better to me than like the one we had last week about smearing it all into the carpet and over the walls. That's my worst nightmare. At least you were out in nature and you had a dog poo bag. I think that's not that bad.

And at least it was only your friend that knew. Nobody else knew that you were picking up human shit and you were just picking up... You just looked like you were picking up dog poo, although you had no dog. Yeah, no dog. I would have said bloody people leaving their dog shit i'm genuinely terrified for toilet training like when i hear these stories i'm like

what my friend the other day said she sends her um son to nursery with five outfit changes because they're potty training what the hell five my laundry's gonna be off the bloody scale i can't keep up with me laundry as it is let alone five five wait until your toilet training renly does he tell you does he use them all does he use all five outfits yeah i think they need that many that's why she's been sending him in with that many but i'm just thinking bloody hell i'm that's the last thing I need at the moment. I'm not going to be doing Joseph

until he's like five years old at this point. I'd just leave him 25. Just let him go. Just do what? It'll figure out one day. It's like when people say about the cutlery,

don't they? You're not going to teach them to use cutlery rather than their hands. No. Because they're not going to go on their first date and just be like

fucking Fred Flintstone and fucking ram it in their face are they god fucking hell um but i think you handled that situation great yeah i love that could have been worse could have been do you still speak to the friend i'd love to make the friends still imagine someone stopped being friends with you because of that i don't know i don't know if i'd be your friend if joseph just took a shit on the trail you know i would be i'd pick it up for you i'd be like do you know what girl don't worry yeah i know i'll pick it up i believe you would as well i do i generally would i don't worry i got your back i got you i would have gone in bare hand i wouldn't be leaving you the bag like, fuck this, don't worry girl, I got you.

No, that's too much. That's too much. I've caught poo though many a times. I catch a poo. You're always talking about having poo in your hands.

I secretly think you actually love it. I did have poo on my finger earlier and I, all day, I was going to say all day, the whole walk to school

I was like, I kept doing this because my nose is running. Hay fever's here. Fucking, I feel like he's earlier. And I was like, kept doing this because my nose is running hay fever's here fucking I feel like he's earlier and I was like God I keep getting

a whiff of poo I keep checking my kept checking my shoes once I'd walked all the way to school that I realised I had poo on my nail

who's poo? Renly's oh okay that makes it a bit more that makes it a bit more oh yeah not my poo God yeah

that wasn't mine or Chrissy's at that matter so thank god but thank you so much for your messages if you have any comments thoughts or funny stories why not get in touch yeah you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com or with secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram but next it's time for one of your secrets. You dirty buggers. Welcome back. dot ca welcome back it's time for an extra secret of the week what have you got for us emma all right this one comes from elaine she says hello lovely ladies recently we joined a fancy health club oh sadie wants to be in on the fancy health club come on she's trying to tell me something um recently we joined a fancy health club as a family so we could all get more active

and take our two boys swimming more often instead of using the busy family change we decided to take one boy each into the male and female changing rooms after a family swim session i took yeah i took my older boy age four with me and decided that we should take a shower. I took him into the cubicle with me and got us both out our swim gear and under the shower. It was busy with other women and children, probably about 10 or so people in the shower cubicles. He rarely actually sees me naked and usually showers with his dad or has baths with his brother. So my son turned to me whilst he was in the shower and yelled loudly mum why are your testicles up there

i was confused at first but then realized he was referring to my boobs i could hear giggles in the other cubicles as i tried to answer his questions about the female body whilst wanting the ground to swallow me whole elaine from glasgow that's the second second mum wears your willy email we've had in a week. Why are these boys all concerned about where our willies are at? We don't need no willy. Also, knowing the word testicles at four is very advanced, Elaine. Yeah. That's, you know, I don't know.

Colby's learned the word vagina at the moment. All him and Dotty keep saying is vagina. And she keeps doing, so if she would sit down or something. The other day she sat on the deck and in the garden, she was like, oh my vagina. I was like, oh, God's sake. Colby pisses himself about it. But I, do you know what?

Just as that first comment, that first sentence went out then, I was looking to sign up to like a health clinic not a health clinic like a spa health spa health club i don't i don't think i need a health clinic um to go to like a spa but to go as like a family so that we could go swimming down there and i thought chris had bloody written him at one point then i was like jesus christ do you know what we looked at doing it as well it is did you yeah but it's so expensive there's one near us um a very popular brand across the uk that i won't name it was going to be like three or four hundred pound a month for the whole family i thought seven seven hundred and fifty pound a month seven seven hundred sorry so the year or the month the month oh okay i think i'll

pass on that that's extraordinary elaine's obviously doing very well for herself go on it might be different in glasgow might be cheaper there she might have just paid for one session we don't know i'm not here judging but but either way, I cannot afford 750 pounds. I can't afford 300 pounds a month. They can go swim in a puddle. In fact, I'll put the paddling pool up. It's the middle of December. Wrap up warm, kids.

We're going in. Oh, but that did make me laugh. Thank you. Thank you for that. Yeah, re the willies. We were talking to, me and Stefan were talking about this the other day because Joseph's just started noticing it. And I do think to be fair little boys only all they know

is their body or maybe if they see their dad naked so they're suddenly they look at their mom and they're like what's what's wrong with you where's your willy gone what are these hangy things like yeah yeah it's hard as well and i do think now i'm in because we've obviously always been a family like if the babies come in they come in while I'm in the bath, while I'm in the shower. It's vice versa with Chris as well. They just walk in, walk out. You're on the toilet.

There's no, you know, there's no privacy in this house. And they even walk in when my friend Rebecca's here. They'll just walk in on Rebecca having a shower. They're like, hiya, Rebecca. And Rebecca will be like, yeah, maybe we should talk about this in a minute. They walk in on my brother-in-law. We went away with my brother-in-law a couple of months ago. My brother-in-law just got out of the shower and the children just walked in.

And he was like, maybe I should put some clothes on before we. Yeah, can this wait five minutes? Can this just wait? But it's just that I now do worry being seven, I do worry a bit I should maybe cover up a little bit. I don't want him to be like, what's with those baggy boobs? Why are your testicles on your chesticles? You call them breasticles?

The children call them chesticles. Do you have chesticles do you have chesticles then let us know please email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with

secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back first thing on monday and we'll see you next time

on the secret mum club Secret Mom Club!