Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Chilly PDA

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

The ladies dive into some juicy correspondence about the wildest (and chilliest) PDA ever witnessed! The farmyard animal toy pronouns debate thickens, and this week’s secret features one mum, a toilet seat, and a toddler on the verge of bursting! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and welcome to your thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week definitely thought you're gonna say squeeze my bits then i was gonna say squeeze my bits and my bobs and my bobs all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend so shall we jump on in Sadie's got my muff Sadie is touching the muff she is on the muff she's put my muff in my mouth putting the muff in her mouth oh no she was putting it in your mouth she was thank you she's like take that muff take that muff in your mouth guess who's back she's also rubbing her hand so far down her throat that bless her. She's making herself gag.

Yeah, and her eyes watering. And then she just rammed her hand in Emma's mouth. She's everything in the mouth at the moment. Nothing like a bit of shared saliva, I'd say. No, God, no. No, God, no. No, she's actually got a cold at the moment. And it's because there's just, we're sharing so many germs,

everything in the mouth. She's teething. It's Jojo though, isn't it? It's him as well. Yes, from preschool. And he comes straight out of nursery. Always grabs her dummy. Puts it in his mouth.

Puts it back in her mouth. Honestly, there's no... I can't control him. That's scary. Disgusting, isn't it? I know. Disgusting. Disgusting.

I just want to be allowed to take a wash of toilet after you've taken a shit. She really loves that muff. Anyway, she's back. So, she's back. It's chaos today in the studio. Renly isn't here today. No. No. He's back at home with daddy.

I could leave her at home, I would. You can't say that. I wouldn't want you to. She was happy to see me today. She's caused chaos already and we've only been here 10 minutes. She's living her best life. She's got to stand out.

She does what she wants. She does not give a fuck. She does what she wants. She does what she wants. She does not give a fuck. She does what she wants. She does what she wants. She's Sadie girl and she does what she wants. Anyway, you've distracted us long enough.

Get that elephant in your mouth and be quiet. I'm going to get that belch out of mine. She did one as well. She belched. She's farting all over my leg as well. God, we're belching and farting together. I feel like she's my sister

from another mister. Soul sisters. Yeah. Hey, sister girl, sister soul, sister girl. Anywho, should we get into the correspondence? I'm going to attempt to get through this while she grabs my muff in my face. And also flashes the nip. What a weird situation you're going through in this time of life.

I can't feed her on camera anymore because there's too much nip slip. She just lets the nipple all hang out. She lets it hang out. She does. I can't feed her in public anymore. She's so distracted. Like as soon as someone speaks to me, even if I dare to take a sip of tea,

she's like, did you see that? You ain't have seen it. I think it was on Instagram though, that there was a woman trending that she'd answered the door to the DHL man. So she answered the door to the DHL man. She said he just was not really very responsive

and then her neighbor come around she said it's a lovely neighbor we've known them for years and she was like this time he came to the door like really rude like i didn't know what i've done wrong he didn't want to have a chat like it was it was really quick and he just he just went away and then she said as soon as i like come in from my neighbor my husband texts me to ask me if I was okay. And then she was like, yeah, I'm fine. Why? He sent her a screenshot of the DHL parcel at the door. Her whole tit is just out of the box. She'd been feeding the baby and she'd answered the door and left her tit out.

So she's not only speaking to the DHL man, but she'd also spoken to her neighbour with her whole boob out. Honestly, it gets to a point where you get so used to it, you can't even... It made me think of you, though. You can't even tell. It brought me so much joy because I was like, oh, this is Emma, this is... That's very me.

That's very me. Anyway, shall we get on with it? Yeah, sorry, sorry. It's time. Sadie, take it away. For another... Correspondence Corner! Correspondence Corner!

I thought Sadie was going to go in tune with us then. She did a little bit. I'm trying to go to her. She did a little bit. Right, Emma, take it away. All right, the first one says, Hello, ladies. After hearing about Soph's trained PDA experience,

I just had to share a crazy story with you about some intense PDA my wife and I came across on a walk home from a date night. About a year ago, while strolling by the library near our house, we were completely shocked to see a girl in minus 10 degree weather giving her boyfriend a blowjob, a full on blowjob right in front of the library of all places. This is absolutely fucking criminal. My wife and I immediately joined in. I'm joking. My wife and I immediately joined in. No, I'm joking. My wife and I immediately sped up. But just as we thought we'd made it past, we overheard the girl casually say,

I needed that drink. I know, Sadie, it's really upsetting. That's absolutely fucking rank. Oh, fuck. I needed that drink. Oh, fuck. I needed that drink. Oh, stop saying it. That's as bad as the man brushing his teeth with that hair removal cream. I think that's worse.

Oh, what the fuck? It says, needless to say, my dinner almost made a reappearance. I would have vomited all over them. We bolted the rest of the way home and have taken a different route ever since. Your podcast keeps me laughing just as much as this memory does. All the best, Darren from Toronto, Canada. Darren! We got Dazza in the house.

Oh my God, I can't believe Darren's written in. Darren, that is, I can't believe not only have you written in, but you've told us this story. Who just ran, right, right, let's take this back a second. Who is sucking dick in this day and age all honesty because i ain't sucking no dick no for no one i'm not doing it sorry chrissy no dick sucking here never seen young people in a new relationship how are you one still sucking dick two doing it in public three outside a library in She swallowed. And in minus 10 degree weather.

Oh, his penis must have been shriveled up. Like a little cocktail sauce. A little pinksidic. That is disgusting. There's so many factors about that that are wrong. Oh my God. And in Canada. And above all things.

In Canada. It's in Canada as well. They're freaking the sheets in Canada. I thought they were respectful. Over there all things, in Canada. It's in Canada as well. They're freaky in the sheets in Canada. I thought they were respectful. Over there. Hey, Darren, we're not talking about you. Emma's just a bit judgmental over here. I didn't think, I don't know why.

I maybe just thought it was a British thing. We're all a bit kinky over here. Well, not me. I'm speaking for our lovely friends out here. We're boring. We are boring. Well, I don't know. Emma's a little bit wild.

She gets freaky in the sheets are you sucking dick who's got more kids no no way is that can i ask you that me and what am i allowed to ask you that or people go oh she shouldn't really ask her that question depends on the person i think i need to know can we do a poll please how many of you are still sucking dick me and stephan aren't even in the same bedroom come on you don't. You might slip a dick in your mouth in the kitchen. Outside the library. On the school run. I would not be out there in minus 10 degree weather doing it. Believe you me. I don't think even Chris would get his willy out in minus 10.

I think that's dangerous actually. I don't think Sadie's even happy with this. No. She's fuming. She's fucking out of now. Let me get you your dummy. Thank you. Thanks for that everyone i am just absolutely flabbergasted by darren disgusted dazzler no darren oh so not only is he listened it's a man that's listened to our not saying that men can't listen because we're inclusive to everybody but i find it really phenomenal the

fact that not only is he listened to that episode with his wife, he's also come back. Yeah, for more. Isn't that just the most incredible thing? And come back with his own story. Darren, I just want to say a massive thank you to you. That's why we love you guys. That's so kind, isn't it?

I can't get over how amazing that is. Yeah. There's probably lots of men, so this is for all the men out there. Appreciate you. Appreciate your daddy. But I feel like this is our second one in one in isn't it we might have only had two couple yeah we haven't had that many we haven't appreciate you guys you're taking the what taking

one for the boys yeah taking it taking it for the taking it for the lads yeah i do yeah we'll um move on for that but thank you so much that is probably the most disgusting story orphan story awful awful story i've ever heard yeah yeah did make me gag a little it's up there isn't it okay that's probably what she was doing that's what happened later we had a couple of comments as well about stefan people are gonna tell me i'm horrible no using male pronouns for the toys. Bryony said, as a female raising females, all of our toys end up as men too. What?

Do you know what? I think it's really hard to do. It's just like the default position. Like, I do find myself doing it sometimes. I'll be like, you know,

this toy, he says this and he says that. Yeah, but don't you ever refer to a dog as he? People do that all the time. All the time. You automatically go to,

oh, how is he? And then they go, is it a girl? Yeah. As someone who's had two bitches, two go to, oh, how is he? And then they go, is it a girl? Yeah. As someone who's had two bitches, two female dogs, yeah, you have to correct people all the time. It's me, I'm bitches.

I'm the bitch. I'm the main bitch. Yeah, always. And even Sadie, actually, people, if she's wearing like neutral clothes, people sometimes think she's a boy. It's because of her hair's short. Yeah. You're too pretty to be a boy, aren't you? I mean, I think it's weird to me that like anyone can mistake her for a boy because obviously

I know she's a girl. But I think at the beginning it is quite hard to tell, isn't it? All babies look very similar, don't they, when they're little? Yeah, they do. Yeah. Gemma commented, I have to remind my husband that if the cow has udders, it's definitely a girl. Yes, we only recently found this out, didn't we?

That's a good point, actually. I didn't realise that only cows are girls. And all the cow toys that Joseph has have udders. All girls. Otherwise, it's a bull, isn't it? I didn't think you... You can't get a male cow because it's the bull that makes them pregnant with the cow. I believe so.

I believe so. And they have horns, don't they? Which is why they come out hairy, isn't it? I don't know. Cows... Only a cow can be a girl. Yeah. Because they have... A male one is a bull can be a girl. Yeah. Because they have...

A male one is a bull and they have horns. Yeah. Or an Angus cow. Aberdeen Angus. Is it an Aberdeen? It is Aberdeen Angus. The shaggy brown ones. Yeah, because you can get an Aberdeen Angus steak,

can't you? Steak house. Yeah. Sorry for the vegetarians. And KDM does, ladies, I used to do the same as Stefan and I didn't mean to. Now I just let the babies choose a name for toys and call them by their names.

I won't lie to you, most of the time it just ends up being the animal name, but it helps steer clear of mindlessly assigning a gender to the toys. Oh, that sounds like we was moaning at everybody for doing it. Well, it seems like everybody, this is the thing though, that it's the default position. Kay, I'm so sorry, Angel. We weren't having a go at you. We weren't having a go at you we were only having a go at you

it's hard I do think it's like ingrained in your brain it is to do to automatically sorry say mail yeah it is

so it's nothing on anybody that does it apart from Stefan apart from Stefan who's a wine guy no I'm joking do better I love that we get to wine Stefan

I know it's not like I do this like Stefan listens I don't think he's ever listened to one episode No he doesn't but then he sees the videos on social

and he's like what the fuck what the fuck were you two doing Yeah he's getting hate mail now but here we go we move Joseph does that

with the toys as well I'm like what do you want to call this one and he's like cow but then we've got like five cows and I'm like you've got to think of something

cow one cow two you've got to think of something different cow three he can't he can't get his head around it no bless him but thank you for all of your messages if you have any comments thoughts or fun stories and I'm like, you've got to think of something. Cal one, cal two. You've got to think of something different. Cal three. He can't get his head around it. No.

Bless him. But thank you for all of your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or fun stories, why not get in touch? Email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your secrets.

What have you got for us today, Emma? All right, this comes from Diana in South Wales. Hopefully it's no more blowjobs. No more BJs. Can't handle any more dick. Diana in South Wales. Hopefully there's no more blowjobs. No more BJs. I can't handle any more dick. Diana in South Wales says, It was 6.45am. This sounds like it's going to be erotic.

This has started dramatic, hasn't it? This has started. Go on, Diana. It was 6.45am and on only the second day of school, everything was going smoothly. I had my shower and my two little boys, ages seven and four, were downstairs having breakfast. Then I hear my youngest, Alfie, shout up to me, Mummy, I weed on the toilet. I replied, well done, my boy,

go finish your breakfast. But then his voice became louder and more upset. No, Mummy, I weed on the toilet by accident. My mind immediately went into overdrive, trying to figure out what he could possibly have done. Surely he hadn't just pulled out his winky and let it go right onto the lid. I quickly ran downstairs to the bathroom and found a whole roll of toilet paper soaking up a puddle of wee on the toilet seat. Bless him. My heart melted when I saw he had tried to clean it up himself.

Oh, Alfie. Alfie looked at me and said, I went to the toilet and my winky just did it. I couldn't stop it, mummy. It was going everywhere. My winky is very naughty. Oh my god, stop! And just like that, he trotted back to

finish his cereal while I cleaned up the mess. What a morning already! Thank you for creating a space where mums never feel alone and for giving us all such joy when we tune in. Oh, that is, Deanna, that was the most beautiful. Thank you. How lovely is that? How kind. Alfie! This is too much love in the room today, isn't there?

He's been very well raised. How incredibly adorable is Alfie? And the fact that he put all the loo roll down and then just trotted off. And he couldn't stop it. He must have been busting for a wee. Maybe it was his morning wee, you know, when it just... You start the toilet, don't you? Like, oh, this is so good.

Yeah, I don't know how boys deal with that. Because it must just like... Rock it out. Rock it out. Yeah, it does rock it out boys deal with that because it must just like... Rock it out. Rock it out. Yeah, it does rock it out. You have to do a sit down one, do you? Colby does a sit down wee normally anyway. Yeah, Stefan started doing that.

He quite likes a sit down wee. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan, yeah. Especially because Chris is so fucking far up. Piss just flies everywhere. Yeah. I thought she meant he'd left the lid down. Have you ever done that in the night?

Yes. You sit down to go and you think, oh, for fuck's sake. When I'm busting for a pee and you sit on the cold lid and it just comes out before you've even got to stop. Oh, my God. I don't know what's worse, that or Stefan leaving the toilet seat up. And then you fall into the pan. I get up in the night and fall in the bloody toilet. Yeah, that's annoying.

But God bless Alfie. What an absolutely adorable little boy. What a star. How incredibly polite as well. I know. And he tried to clean it up. Oh, my heart is melting. My friend's little boy

is toilet trained. He's the same age as Joseph. And she messaged me yesterday saying he went for his first stand up wee at the toilet. But he's only two and a half so he can like barely reach. And she was like,

it was the funniest thing, like having to talk him through it. And she said his little balls had to rest on the toilet seat. I know. I was about to say to you the amount of times I had to. Colby used to just rest his little balls had to rest on the toilet seat. I know. I was about to say to you, the amount of times I had to, Colby used to just rest his willy and his balls on the toilet,

on the, on the pan. On the rim. And I used to have to rub the toilet. To make it warm. The things you do. Because he'd be like, oh,

oh, oh, it'd be really cold. His willy would shrivel in. And then it'd be like, oh, no, oh. Or it'd be really cold and his willy would shrivel in and then it'd be like, oh, no, no, no. It wouldn't go over the edge. Oh, the things you do.

The things we do, eh? Have your back to school mornings been as eventful as Diana's? Then let us know. You can email us, hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram.

And we'll be back, first thing on Tuesday. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mump Club. Bye.