Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Christmas Pissecco

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

The ladies are signing off for the Christmas break, but before they bid farewell to 2024, they're sharing their festive plans and a jaw-dropping Christmas secret. Trust us, you’ll want to put your drink down for this one! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My mouth smells really funny today. Well in a bad way. What about your microphone? Bit of bants in the office. Off is banter. It's just banter mate. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma and just before we get started we just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas! Do you want to pull my cracker? Pull my cracker and I'll pull yours.

You won. I won. Should we pull yours? Mine's a little snowman. Yours is a snowman. Yes, I won mine. Oh, she is. Mother truckers, she is.

And whilst we get these tiny hats on our head. The girls have already opened the crackers and they are miniature crackers. Miniature hats for miniature people because they're children's crackers aren't they? When did you start a game of charades in a cracker? It says snowball fight. Is it really teeny tiny? I've got a joke for you. What does Rudolph want for Christmas? I don't know. What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A sleigh station three.

Nice. Mine is what do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire cross bite? If you type that up a bit more, that you could have done great. How's this looking? Do you want to do my, yeah, looks hot. They're tiny. These hats, they're just sitting on top of our heads like crowns. What's your tongue twister?

Pretty packages, perfectly packed in paper. Nice. Mine's seven Santas sang seven silly songs. Oh, nice. Now do your hum that tune. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Mine is... All I want for Christmas is you, you baby.

You've already got me baby. All I want for Christmas! Another bit in love actually where she goes, she points to the voice, she's like, and you and you and you and you poor little Sammy. Is that his name? That reminds me of the teacher who said, I'm gonna finger you. You and you. I'm fingering you, you and you. That would never ever get old. I love that so much. A few of my friends did get in touch after that episode.

What they got fingered by him. And say that the teacher was identifiable. They were like, was that bleep that out? I'm gonna have to put my hat here. I'm gonna have to put my hat on my mug. It's tickling my parton. It's too small. It's tickling my parton. It's too small. Oh, maybe I'll put it on my muff. Beautiful. Beautiful for the muff-dee-tuff-dee. So. So tell me what your Christmas plans this year. Christmas plans are again, same as every year. Yeah, same as every year, just lots of family time. We're off to the Isle of Wight

with the lead up to Christmas. So I'm excited to tell you about that when we get back. Is that where you got stranded last year? It is where we got stranded. I remember. Good to remember it. Yeah. We did get stranded there,

but this year we've actually booked a stay. Right. And we're all going. The whole 15 of us. Nice. Are off to the Isle of Wight to, no doubt, everyone will be arguing, we'll be sick of each other.

And you know. What's happening on the Isle of Wight? We're just staying at the Tapnil Farm. Oh, is that- And they've got like a little Christmassy- Like a Santa's Quarto. Little Christmas grotto. Yeah, it's a bit like a,

I wanna say it's a bit like the Lapland here, but it's like a trail you can go around. It's very magical. It's very beautiful. We did it last year. It was great. So we're going to get into do it this year. Nice.

So just lots of family time. What about actual Christmas? What do you do? Christmas day this year, we're at mum's. Okay, nice. We're all at mum's. So she's cooking for 15 people. She's got us all this year as well,

because my brother and his wife, they tend to alternate because, well, I say because obviously we, me and Chris, it's just me and Chris and the babies. So we always spend the time with our family. I say ours, my family is his family, but we just spend the time with my mom and dad. And then my sister and her husband, they tend to do just Christmas with us. And then they have Box and Day with her husband's family. And they sort that out, but we always have them Christmas day. And then my brother and his wife alternate

between her family and our family. Because they don't have no babies and stuff. So they've got, and his wife also has loads and loads of families and they, loads and loads of families, loads and loads of family. And they've got, and his wife also has loads and loads of families and they, loads and loads of families, loads and loads of family. And they've got lots of friends. So they are very busy over the Christmas period.

It's hard when you like all get partners, right? And then you have to like split the Christmas between because then like I always think about my mum and dad, there might be a year when none of us are there and it's just them for Christmas. I mean, that will actually never happen because we still keep asking to come to their house. Even though my sister's like 40, I'm 36,

my other sister's 37. They're like, guys, when are you gonna get your own house and maybe host us? We're like, no, never. No, never, this is true. We're still the kids. But my mom on the flip side is the complete opposite. She's like, never stop asking me.

No, I think- For all the time that I can do it, I want to do it. Yeah, my mom and dad joke, but I think they actually do love still having us. Still having us. Couldn't agree more, but it's just about whatever Christmas looks like. And I just think Christmas is a really difficult time,

isn't it? It is a really difficult time, whether it be filled with joy or it be a time where it's very lonely or maybe not so much of a happy memory. I just hope whatever everybody is doing, it's perfect for them. Because it is a little bit of a difficult time for some.

So we're thinking of you on this festive season. We did think about that one, Anna's podcast. It can't just be me about what you can do at Christmas if you just don't love it and it's not for you. So have a listen to that maybe. And whatever you're doing, I hope it's wonderful. What about you bit in between? The betwixtmus. The betwixtmus. Well, glad you didn't take anything else from that.

Goodness me. How's your bit in between? Mine's not survived after the birth, to be honest. Don't want my perineum. Yeah, that's always a weird time. It's a weird one. It's such a weird feeling that time, isn't it? Cause it's like sad that Christmas is over. It's the time to get the tree down for me. You get your tree down straight away, don't you? Yeah, I don't know. Cause me and Stefan have to split it.

I think I said this before, like I'm always a little bit jealous of people whose families live close. Cause then you can just be like, just popping here on Christmas day and popping here on boxing day, but it's like not really a big deal. Me and Stefan literally have to like,

we decamped to one household, then we decamped to another household. They couldn't be further apart. Like my family are in Essex, his family are in deepest, darkest West Wales. It's not even like you get to Cardiff on the M4 and you think, oh, we're in Wales now, we're nearly there. I don't know.

It's not for two hours, isn't it? Is it two hours? It's about another, just over an hour. Oh, is it? Yeah, hour and a half maybe, depending on the traffic. But yeah, it's just quite a lot of travel. So when we do go somewhere, we tend to be there for quite a long time.

So we're gonna be at my mom and dad's house for like five days. Yes. Lucky them. Lucky them. And then we're gonna do- And are both sisters at mom's this year? Yeah, they'll be there.

Well, my oldest sister literally lives three doors down. So she's always there, of course. So she's obviously gonna be there. And then she'll go and see her in-laws there in Bristol. Oh, wow, you're literally all over. I know, so much traveling. So much traveling. I know, and then, yeah, my middle sister,

she's living there at the moment. So she'll be there, obviously. Yeah. With her dog, I think. And then yes, then we'll do, well, me and Stefan will come back. We'll do a little stop off in London, do, repack the suitcases, do a little bit of laundry,

get on top of things, and then we'll go to his mom and dad's house. So that will cover the period between Christmas and New Year. Because we'll be there like, I don't know, 27th to New Year, basically we're doing there. So that's us always. Isn't it funny?

Because I feel like you're either a family that travels around to everybody, or you're kind of the family at home twiddling your thumbs. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're lucky, I feel like I like your situation. I've never had to go travel anywhere. Everyone's local to you.

Everyone's local. So you can just stay at home, which I love. And no one, like, we don't see Chris's family. Yeah. And then my mom and dad don't see Chris's family. Yeah. And then my mom and dad, it's just my mom and dad. We don't have grandparents, aunties and uncles or anything like that. So it's just, it's just us and always has been.

I think that's quite nice. Just us, you know? It just takes the complication out of it a little bit. Cause you've got, we've got factory and like some logistics and stuff. And obviously like that five hour. I feel like that passes the time. Cause there's always a bit of a twiddly thumby bit.

It does give us something to do, I suppose. And yeah, I guess like wherever we are, we're there for quite a long time. So you really get like bedded in and you really settle where you are, which is quite nice. And obviously last year we jetted off, didn't we, to Paris last year. Was that a year ago?

It was a year ago. That was last year we did that. Did you get engaged there? No, got engaged before. Before that you were engaged. Yeah, before we were engaged. This you get engaged there? No, before that you were engaged. Yeah, before we were engaged. This is Paris. Paris was where Dossie lost her too.

Yeah. Oh yeah. And we had Christmas, we had, well, we had the bit in between, didn't we? And we were there for New Year's. And we walked in. Are you gonna do that again? We walked, no.

No. I don't think we can. I think it'd be a lot with a baby. That's true. Yeah, you were pregnant. I was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah.

I know, can you believe that? It's been a whole year since we went. Yeah. You're pregnant. I was pregnant. Yeah. I know. Can you believe that's been a whole year since we went and we walked into 2024 in Paris in front of the what's that one called? Eiffel Tower? No. Arc de Triomphe. Arc de Triomphe. Nice. Is that the one that Quasimodo lived in? Don't know. Notre Dame. It was in front of the it in the Notre Dame? No, I think it was the Arc de Triomphe. It's the one on the roundabout. Yeah. I was glad I was paying attention while I was there. But it's back at the landmarks in Paris. I think it's been closed. I think it's been closed.

What do you mean? I think it was having some work done. You couldn't walk up like the road or go and visit it. I could be wrong. Could be making that up, but yeah. It was a surprise, wasn't it? Surprise for the babies. Yeah, yeah.

And then we went on to Disneyland Paris. Well, we need to go back at some point for you and Chris to get married at the Disneyland Castle. Yeah, of course. Don't we? We do need to go back. Maybe not this year. Not in 2025?

No, maybe 2026. Stay tuned. You have to stick around for the whole podcast for another year to see. Soz, guys. To see if we get married. Watch their space. Watch their space.

We are gonna tease you though, I'm worried. Watch this face. Watch this face. We are going to tease you though on this festive, festive day with a Christmas-y secret, with a twist though, because I believe you've got two. I have and I'm going to ask you to choose one. Oh my gosh, the pressure. A fun festive twist, if you will. Fun festive twist. I mean, we're in for a festive twist.

Would you prefer a mispronunciation secret or a bodily fluid secret? It's a tough one. Oh, we've not had a bodily fluid. Oh, I say that we haven't had one in a while. We've recently had a mispronunciation, haven't we? My cock. My cock. We'll go with bodily fluid. Okay. Please. Okay. I feel like this is deal or no deal. It ups the stakes a bit. It's a no deal. Makes it a bit more exciting. Intense. Yeah. Mine also is off, just so you know, so I can't see. You don't know where it is. No, I've got no clue.

Yes. It says, hi lovely ladies, let me set the scene. I'm here for it, let's go. I have two boys aged seven and two. My oldest is autistic and awesome. I treated myself to a bottle of Prosecco while I was cleaning up after decorating the house. I left my glass in the kitchen and wandered off to do something else. When I came back, I noticed another glass on the worktop with liquid in it that looked very similar to Prosecco. I panicked and thought, oh my f***ing god, my oldest has poured himself a drink. He does this often. Now, instead of

asking him, I decided to try it. Ladies, I drank my son's urine. Here's the kicker. It didn't actually taste or smell that bad. What the fuck? No! But the ironic part is, after I tried it, I asked him what was in the glass and he simply told me it's weewee mummy. Like it's just so normal. Yeah, obviously, you idiot.

Obviously, duh, we all pee in the glass. I wasn't going to tell anyone but you'll be pleased to know my husband told everyone. We now call it piss-secko. Piss-secko! Come on. Very clever. I hope you don't have to drink that drink again, though. No, I know. It's like something out of I Miss Celebrities.

People do it for a cleanse, don't they? Drinking urine is actually not that bad for you, I don't think. People are meant to do it to cleanse their, to cleanse the insides. Someone else's or your own? To recycle, I would say your own. I wouldn't, what would be worse, drinking your own or someone else's? Oh, someone else's, I'd rather drink my own.

Know where it's been. Oh, I just think it's been. It's already been inside you, it's just going back inside you. Imagine a morning wee-wee as well. Well, it sounds like this one was quite clear because it looked like Prosecco, so it can't of been too yellow.

I think your son's- Depends on where you get your Prosecco from really. I think your son sounds well hydrated. So that's the- What a ledge though, I can't believe he's done that. What an incredible, incredible way to trick your parents. It's Weeby, mommy. I love it.

I wondered if he knew that he was, if he weeby'd in the glass that she was gonna drink it. Yeah, like was it- Did he wanna play a trick on her or just couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet? Yes, he's just pissing her ass. I would just do that while was going to drink it. Yeah, like was it, did he want to play a trick on her? It just couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet. Yes, it's just pissing her off. I would just do that while I'm by the tree. Yeah. Leave it for someone else to drink.

That'll teach him to drink my drink. If you don't want to leave the table this Christmas. Just peeing a glass. Just weeing a glass. We take it from Lucy Sum. Yeah, much love from Lucy. Much love Lucy. Thank you Lucy.

Thank you so much Lucy. That has made my day there. Really tickled my pickle that one Thank you so much for joining us in the secret mum club this year for the whole year if you've been here for the whole year You deserve a glass of piss echo All of your stories and secrets have been incredible So please do keep them coming in you can email us hello at mum pod.com or with secret mum pod on tik tok and Instagram We are so excited for

2025 and there are some big things coming. Have a wonderful Christmas everyone and we'll see you next year on the secret mum club Chokamalekomassakamakak!