Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Coffee Shop Cringe

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

The ladies catch up on a chaotic week, including Soph going to the BAFTAs, football stress, and general life admin overwhelm. Plus, one listener writes in about pregnancy anxiety, whilst another shares their toddler's new and wild way of saying he needs a wee!Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the secret mum club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring.

You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mum club. We did it. I remember I was on camera halfway through that. And the irony is the secret mum club because we all have secrets, don't we?

Yes, we have secrets and they're ruining my life. Boy, do we have secrets. I've got so much shit I want to talk to you about, but I can't. You can't. I can't. But I don't want anyone to panic. I know I'm very hit and miss at the moment. I'm very here there and everywhere.

Don't know whether I'm having a piss or a haircut, shit or air cut. But I have some stuff going on in my life and I just can't talk about it right now. I know. I know that's teasing. I hate people that say it when they write Facebook. Are you okay, hon? D-M-me. DM me, honey.

I just want to everyone to know that I am okay. it's just a lot for my little brain to cope with. And it's business stuff, isn't it? It's things to do with, like, involved in my limited company. So it's just a whole lot of big dick. Yeah. Harley big docks.

No one tells you about the responsibilities when you're a grown up. We just have to sing through our problems. It's stressful, but we're going to pretend it's not. Let me tell you, limited companies are wank. Wank, big dicks. I never want to be involved in a limited company ever again in my whole. our life. Apart from mine, mine's thriving. Mine is not. Mine is not. Mine is not. Mine is not thriving.

But I'm okay. I'm just here and everywhere. Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. No, I'm not. Well, it's actually dying and that's extreme. I need to calm down. I'm an adult. I'm not great. No. I know. But it's so nice to have you back because I actually a one-sided episode last week and it just wasn't the same. It wasn't the same. Also to address the elephant in the room, do you know, is that we can actually touch each other. We've shrunk. We could touch each other before, couldn't we? The table's the same. The table's same size. I can touch the wall.

But yeah, the room is smaller. It's like, um, Honey, I blew up the kids. Honey, Honey, I blew up the kids because we're in a smaller space, so we're bigger. Right? Right.

Mas. Honey, I shrunk the kids. I feel like the space is the same size, but we've shrunk because we're close. Honey, I shrunk the set. God, do you remember them films? They were great.

I love them. And also, have you been to, um, where, what theme park is it? In America when I was younger, they had. Is it Epcot? You could go in basically as a, as a literature person. Like what the new Disney toy story?

And it was, yeah, everything was blown up. So it was like, honey, I shrunk the kids and you could walk through like leaves and like blades of grass and stuff.

Oh my God. It was amazing. I would have loved to be in the big bowl of cereal. I wanted to swim out of milk with the Cheerio as the rubber ring. They used to do like, it was like VR, like virtual reality.

You know, sit in a cinema and you'd put the glasses on. Yes. But do you remember like the early days of that? It was like 3D. It was like flat day. It was like flat day. Yeah.

But it was kind of like. You'd have to wear one side red, one side of blue. And the things would come out the screen at you. Do you know, there was one time I was in America and we watched, um, what's that man? I'll be back. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Terminator.

Yeah. In the Terminator. Yeah. Let me tell you, I've never, never shipped my pants so much in all my life then when all of these robots just filled this arena. My chair was shaking. We were in 3D and my mum was like, hold it together, kids! It was fucking terrifying.

Is that get to the chopper? Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. Is it that one? Don't know. when he's got the, he's with the boy and he's, and he also brought the liquid man out. Do you remember when he used to melt? No.

I mean, as you know, my... Terminator was a big thing in my life. My movie knowledge is shocking. That was children, though. Did you not watch it as a child? No, I've got a theory that people with brothers have seen more films. Okay. But my brother doesn't watch films.

Stick with me. I think all of the big movie franchises... Is it just because you're one of three sisters? Yes. So I've basically only seen, if you've got sisters, you will have seen, Greece, Sound of Music, Dirty Dance. Greece is my favorite film in that entire work.

Multiple times. Yes. But all the big franchises, yeah, hairspray later on. Yeah. And then obviously bring it on,

mean girls, you know the drill. But all the big franchises are quite male lead, I would say. So you haven't watched Jaws. So all of the like

action thrillers, fantasy sci-fi that become big franchises. Yeah, like Jaws like Star Wars. All of these kinds of things, Terminator. I try.

All the other classics I haven't seen. Top Gun. What's that one that everyone says is a Christmas film? die hard, right? All of these things, I wasn't watching because I didn't have brothers. So if that theory resonates with you, let me know. We need to have like a movie day. We need a movie

episode of all the films that we've watched. In lockdown, me and Stefan went on a mission to educate me about all classic films I should have seen. Was that good for you? It was good, but also I did feel a bit like, why am I wasting my life watching these films that have been out for 30 years. And some of them were good, but some of them were shit. We did like fight club, Mulholland Drive, like, loads of classic films. And some of them I was like, what's all the fuss about, guys? But I'm just not a movie person, to be honest. I don't really like movies when they're old, when they look old.

Yeah. Like my mum used to watch ones in like black and white with the what's his name in it. Like a white Christmas and stuff like that. Is it Robert Redford? Yeah. Is that his name? Yeah, he looked like, she did you say was his dad. Yeah.

He was like the bread pit of my day. Yeah. And I just like, oh, yeah. Mom. He's quite a hot. He's rough. He's rough. It's quite a hot old guy.

He's, well, now I'm old. I can appreciate his, you know, his face. But as an 11-year-old girl from school, like, what the fuck are you watching? I was off sick for the day and my mum's watching Robert Redford. What? Also, did you ever watch any of the carry-on films? No. Oh, okay.

No. When I say I haven't seen anything, I really haven't seen anything. Most of my life is reference a movie or some sort that I've ever seen. You're so good at it. I'd say you've got like an encyclopedic knowledge of movie quotes. I really love films. If you were on mastermind, that would be your same. specialised subject.

I think it would be like movie quotes from naughty as comedies. Yes. That would be your thing. I'd really love that. You'd be really love it. I'd watch a lot of telly, guys. Yeah. I watch a lot of telly.

It's not for me. Like two hours, I can't be bothered. I haven't got the patience for it. I haven't even got the patience for a bath. I've finished a whole series in two days. No, it's not for me. It's not for me. It's a great one.

From the makers of power. Did you watch power? No, Sophie. I haven't. Do you know what? I have been getting some telewatched because I was in London on my own last week for four days without the kids. Oh, okay. So I did, but it's more series because I need to be able to break it down into like half an hour chunks. So I finished Amanda Land. And I, so funny.

And I got on to season one of at Home with the Furies. God bless you. My sneezed. At home with the Furies, it's okay. There's a lot of controversy. Do you know what? Oh, Venezuela just got married. I just feel like my social media at the moment, I'm not really on it, if you can tell, but it's very, very negative. We've had a lot of shit with our home football team that's just absolutely bamboozled my brain. That's Spiregate. Okay, actually 2.0. Have they done it before? No, I think...

They've got previous. Hold on, I was going to say the team, but I don't want to get it wrong. There was another team that got caught doing it. Oh, okay. I want to say, no, I'm not going to say. Let's not name names. I'm not going to name. But basically, you're not going to, you're not being promoted.

Well, I just, I've dabbled my foot in. You know, I'm now touring football stadiums. I thought, I'm going to dabble my foot in and try and talk about how damaging this is actually, not for anybody else other than my nine-year-old son. Yeah. I can only talk as being mum. I'm not in the football world. I don't know enough.

I don't even know the fucking offside rule. I don't know anything. I'm just utterly heartbroken for like the younger generation. Like Colby has got no clue other than me saying, look, they cheated. They did bad things. They're saying in the championship, mate. I really, really, really wanted to sit on the fence. Like, I know this is going to go over a lot of people's heads and you're going to be like,

Safina, shut up. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Or why are you talking about this? This is not my remit. But is Colby's whole life. therefore it becomes my whole life. But I have had to try and parent through this and not actually knowing what the fucking hell to do.

Is you devoid? Fucking absolutely heartbroken. I bought Wembley tickets like an absolute plonker. I also wanted to be that person that was innocent until proven guilty. But something deep in my vagina, probably along with my massive period pains, we're saying, Soph, don't be a muggy. Because you are being a twat.

They've done what they've done. The evidence is out. Whether it's been made to look worse than what it is, Probably, yes. It was just a lad behind a tree with a phone. Shouldn't have done it. It seemed like a really young, like, boy that they sent down there as well. It was really wrong of us to do, I done that.

But also, I had a really horrible moment in feeling really sad for this young lad that's just been blasted all over the internet when he's probably been told to go in spy. Now, everyone knows his name. Everyone's talking about him. I'm panicking about him that in the football world, people are going to hate this poor lad. And he's probably scared out of his fucking. the team the team we didn't know are going to be promoted

and now it's all come out there's been appeals we're fucking not going to Wembley Middlesbrough are going I personally again without saying too much because I don't know enough there was two legs

they drew the first leg lost the second leg we got the final and now they've expelled us but put the team that lost to us up in the place in the playoff yeah

I personally thought a whole city should could just be automatic promotion, but no, they're putting Middlesborough up to play. You know, we did wrong, we did bad, and we got to live with the consequences. But I stupidly bought Wembley tickets. But something I will say is I didn't tell Colby, because who told him, sit with me now, his friends at school. So his friends at school told him that we kicked out of Wembley.

And I didn't tell him. I was like, oh, I'm not going to tell it. He's excited we're going to Wembley. I'm not going to tell him that I've bought tickets. And then I thought, I just, whenever the day comes, the deciding facts, Whether we're allowed to go, we've got the tickets. But if we aren't allowed to go, we're dealing with the fact that we've already told him they cheated and they've done wrong.

That would have been such an epic surprise. So everyone at school told him that they got expelled. They're not going to Wembley. So we had a lot of tears, a lot of tears last night. And you swiftly sold those Wembley tickets on the marketplace. We've got to wait now. We've got to wait and see whether we're going to get refunds. We've had no email from the football club.

Listen, this is really, really. This is a football podcast now. Talk about scraping the barrel of actually boring shit. But it's a lot in my life right now. I'm absolutely heartbroken. It's not going to go to Wembley. But I'm selfishly thinking about my nine-year-old child. I'm not thinking about the other teams that have been hurt by what we've done.

Because there is more teams apparently that, not apparently, there is evidence. There's more teams that we have also spied on. So it's a whole lot of shit. Oh, shit. I'm really sad for the club as in. Oh, it's so stupid. I don't want to support their wanky, shitty things that they've been doing. But, you know, that's been going on in my life as well.

That's just adding to the stress. Listen, can you tell me about the Bafters? Because when you weren't here last week, I was like, I'm dying to hear about the Bafters. It seems like a distant memory, doesn't it? Oh, shit. Oh gosh. Cheing to the Bfters, honey.

Cheers to that. And he smashed my muff. That was massive imposter syndrome. What the fuck was I doing? Mate, you didn't look like an imposter. You look like you fit right in. I was not. You and Chris looked so good.

I tried blend in the back. No. We're black and blend in the back. Did you feel like a weirdo on the train? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And there was a lot of people staring at me.

I will say the first, when we got to the train station, there was people that had gotten off of the cruise ship. It was 8 a.m in the morning. There was people getting off the cruise ship to go to London to get the plane, I'm assuming, to get to get home. I have never been looked at like a piece of shit more in my life. I don't know whether we looked like dirty stopouts. Yeah, people probably thought you'd been out all night. Yes, but there was a lot of angry plus 60-year-old people in the train station throwing me some absolute daggers. And I just, I wanted to have a little sign.

I'm on my way to the BAFTAs, bitches. I'm going to an important event. Yeah. I don't dress like this every day. Yeah. Relax yourselves. But yeah, it was a long day as in I had to wear the outfit for. But everything lasted.

I did my makeup myself, my hair myself. I felt like a princess. And Chris got a suit that fitted him. Eventually. Yeah. It took us a while to get there. But we got there. He had a lovely suit.

It was just wonderful. It was just nice to just be mum and dad. And like, I got home. and my sister, I'd put a picture on my Instagram and my sister had had the picture printed. So when I got home, she'd had it printed and I just bawled my eyes out because I think in all of this, I think we forget, don't we, that we are still, there's still the us too in this, like you and Stefan. It's still me and Chris. And I think you get so wrapped up with being mum and dad and life passed by so fucking quick. And I think you just forget to think of yourselves and to be able to

like go on the train. I was, I freaked myself out the night before because I was like, what are we going to talk about? What are we going to say? And then I like got on the train. I was like, in my head, I was like, why are you doubting yourself? You talk a lot of shy. Yeah.

I kept, I held the conversation the whole way. Yeah, Chris didn't say anything. Pretty standard really. You just unloaded for two hours. It was nice. It was nice to just be with Chris. And obviously, we've never done an event before. Yeah.

How nice did you have to get packed on the red carpet? There was a slight problem with that. So we went and. had one photo done and then there was another bit at the end which was loads of photographers. They were all sat on lot. What could only be described as like a football stadium. They were all tiered up and they were taking loads of photos. And Chris, bless his heart was like, oh, I don't think that's for us.

So if like I think we just got that's for when the celebrities do their interviews and then they come and have their photos, we'll just go in. Went in, there was only 10 people in the room. So we were like eager beavers. We really stuck to the itinerary that they gave us. I can imagine. We were on time. Yeah.

Although they said, don't be any later. then 1.30, quarter to two, the door shuts. We were in the room at 1.35 and we were in that room for two hours. There was no door shutting. Everyone was just coming in. I said to Chris, I think we were a bit keen, but Chris is like, oh, I don't think that one's for us. We need to keep going. So I, we missed our only opportunity to have a bathtub. So it looks like we weren't there. There is one photo where I'm just in the window upstairs watching Sarah and Aston have their interview and I'm just in a window like just creeping. I'm really tiny.

I'm really, really tiny. But no, it was wonderful. It was really, really lovely. And again, there was so many people there and I was just absolutely flabbergasted. Did you see loads of famous? The itineries said, do not ask anybody for any photographs or any autograph. So I very much stuck to that. Got a picture with Miguel Shona and pretty much held her dress all night for her.

I had the best time. I just said to Shona, I just wish I was just like your plus one, just walk around holding in your dress. Like the responsibility of actually happened to be a guest. Yeah. Was a lot. Yes. But I was stood next to like lots of people.

Like behind me was our girl Vicky. Oh yeah. And she was with her husband. And then I was stood right close to Danny Dyer and Danny Dyer. Yeah. The two Dannies. Yep. Nearly got a nearly photobombed Stephen Mulhoun's picture.

I had to like stand behind a wall like this. I think my legs were still in his picture. But I was like, I've got it. Stephen Martin. I was just waiting for Chris from out of the toilet. And I was like, oh my God, Stephen Meyer. I just froze like, oh God. Saw that man with the glasses.

What's his name? Greybeard. He is quite a funny man. American. Stephen. Nope. Oh, what's his name? Can't think of his name.

He was in like a yellow suit. He's got glasses. He was in. Oh, why can't I think of him? An actor? Yeah, he's an actor. I can't think of his name. Gray hair.

Will Farrell. Will Ferrell? Will Ferrell? Will Ferrell? What does he look like? Will Ferrell was there? Hold on. Let's see if he's right.

Maz's going to show us. No, not him. The other one that looks similar to him is also really funny. Oh, he's got grey hair and he wears glasses, quite curly. Chris, no doubt. No. Oh my God, it's going to really annoy me now. Inserting picture now for reference when we actually find out who the fuck was.

I saw loads of people. I stood right behind Scarlet, right in front of Scarlet Moffitt. Oh, yeah. And she just looked absolutely radiant with her little, she had a beautiful baby bump on. Oh, everyone just walked right past Vogue. She was in really high hill. She was really, really tall. And I was literally like, oh, my God, there's Vogue, there's Vogue.

Oh, my God. She looked divine. She was pregnant. So, yeah, there was a lot. I was in the toilet with these girlies, you know? Yeah, it's mad, isn't it? Peer next door to Vogue. Yeah.

What? I know. It was really, really, really, um, I kind of had to take myself out. out of the equation. Yeah. And just pretend like they weren't really people. Yeah. To try and be able to just get me through.

I think you just have to like, it's weird because obviously like people fall on over celebrities and they are just normal people. Yes. But it still is a bit weird to like, I went to a radio thing once and I was having a wee next to Kimberly Walsh. Obviously there was a wall between us. It wasn't lucky you're right now. No, yeah.

But we came out and washed our hands at the same time and I was like, I know you're only a normal person, but like you're in girls and out. Like I've grown up listening to you. This is so weird. To just see them up. You really have to let go of that for that. that thought, don't you? You just got forget about it. You've got forget about it. We're just normal people.

I saw all the same. We're just normal people. We don't know which way you know. But then you basically got on the train. Back home like that's what ever happened. There was also no photographic evidence that it even did happen. Were you even there? I'm sure some small part of your body made it on to mail online because you were photobbing everyone's pictures. Was I?

Well, you in the window and your leg in Stephen Mulhound's photo. So I'm sure your foot is probably out there or your hands. And they just kept shouting. There was cameras everywhere and they just kept shouting. No, no. Chris. Don't want to. I don't know.

They were just shouting at people and they just, people were just stopping dead to have a photo. What's the girl out of Coronation Street? I want to say, is it, Jodie? She had twins, quite petite, blonde hair. She and Corrie? Don't know. Don't know. But she was in a dress that was, I need to describe as skimpy.

I mean, she looked sensational. It's hard not to like stare. Would I ever be able to wear it? No, but she just looked. Oh my God, I could have just eaten everybody up, really. I was so in my element. I kept just sitting around and watching everybody like, what does suck is my life? Oh my God.

I was living for the Get Ready videos. My whole Instagram feed was... Oh, everyone getting ready. I just basically panicked. I had no content for the morning. Well, getting ready when you've got like kids at home is a bit of a different thing, isn't it? You're basically like, how quickly can I slap this makeup on? I basically got ready from 5 o'clock up until 8.

Then my sister arrived and that was it. We're out of the door. 5am. Five, yeah. Bloody hell. Seth Rogen. Seth Rogen, was it? Seth Rogen was there we go.

Thank you, Maz. Thanks, Matt. Seth Rogen. What the fuck? I saw him out of a window on the red carpet. Seth Rogen. He's big time. Seth Rogen.

Yeah. What? I know. What is this? We're into turtles at the moment and he wrote it. I think he wrote the new movie. It's really good. But yeah, that's pretty much.

And then back to reality. We've had sports days this week. Yeah. We've had a dance competition for dots and Renner's. Renner's place number five, got himself a trophy. No. Oh my God. I mean, there was only five in his group, and they all got a trophy.

But he danced, and he only did one dance move, and that was hands on his hips. He made no eye contact with anybody else than the women on the panel, not even the judge. They weren't the judges. They were like the commentators, and he just shook his hips the whole time at them, not breaking any eye contact. At one point, he put his arms in the air, and the whole crowd, The whole crowd went wild. But no, Dottie had her first dance competition and she smashed it. Oh.

They both too. She got a little medal. She didn't place. But it takes a lot of balls to do that. Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't into that shit.

My sisters did everything and I was always in the audience. Not for me that. No. No. But I'm really hoping to get Sadie into something because I think she really, I think she's going to be a performer. She loves a dance. We went to a little festival in Barron.

Island the other day near where we live because Joseph's school was performing. The Barry Island. The Barry Island from Gavin and Stacey. And it was really cool. It was like, I mean, obviously shame about the Welsh weather. It definitely was raining quite a lot. But it was really cool. They had like stage up on the beach front and it's a really clever ploy to get loads of

people down there because all the schools from the area go and sing, which means the parents have to go and watch their kids. Right. So it's really busy because everyone goes down there to see their children. So Joseph was singing on stage with his little like school quiet. Oh gosh. It was, I think it was his nursery reception years one and two. So they like got on stage and did like a few numbers.

I mean, obviously it's like, you know, it's the level you would expect for like four to seven year olds. But I just, I was so like surprised that he got up there and did it. And so, so proud of him. Like some kids were doing all these like moves and stuff, which he'd obviously been taught and he didn't do the moves. He was like a bit too cool to do the moves, a bit self-conscious and a bit like shy, which is how I would have been. But he stood up and sang all the songs And some of the kids when they saw their parents Came off stage and didn't want to do it

And I thought, oh, that'll probably be Joseph But whatever, it's fine But he stood up there with his little friend And rocked her And did it And I was just so And just even being there Like we went to watch my niece

Who is eight as well, seven Seven, yeah She was performing with her school And even just seeing like how This is going to be normal for him Going through the years My brother in Noah was like I feel like you've really arrived in Wales now

we're at singing competition in the rain. This is what happens when you go to school in Wales. And I just love that that's going to be normal for him and Sadie when she starts, is that there's such a focus on like performing and singing. And I think doing that stuff in public is so good for them. And then it went all the way up to like the Sixth Formers did like a sound of music medley. I was living. But I was like, I love the fact that that might be them in the future.

I mean. So Stefan. You can tell that Stefan grew up in that in that culture. Him and his sisters, like his whole fan. family, they love all that. They are the von traps. And there's like a national arts competition in Wales called the S-Dethford. So basically all year you're working towards doing some kind of like performance. Like they do like singing and dancing or just like poetry or whatever. And I think growing up in that environment, it's so good. Like it gives you loads of skills for life, I think.

Like being able to like speak publicly and not be shy to do that. So the fact that Joseph's doing it already and he's four, it might not be his thing in future and that's fine, but just growing up around that being normal. Because doing performing at my school was a little bit frowned upon. It was like if you did it. No one wanted to be in the play. It was a bit nerdy. Like being in the band and being in the school play and the musical, like it wasn't that cool.

No. But no one questions it where they are. Like, sure, there's a 14 year old boy on stage just doing, there's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall. I'm like, yeah, go on. Go on. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Go on. I hope that's them when they're older. You break it down. I live for it. And then Sadie, she weren't even involved, but I couldn't keep her off the stage. She kept trying to stomp up there. She was dancing. She skipped her nap that day and she was delirious by the end of the day.

What is going on? She was like a drunk person at the end of the night. You know, you just can't get your friend out at the club. Yeah. That was very much toddler alive because trying to chase a drunk. Yeah, she hadn't napped, but she was like still loving the music and like really feeling it. And she was jumping around and like waving her arms in the air and they'd had loads of shit food and sugar. So she was just going mental.

And then we were like, let's try and get her home before. She falls asleep because this is going to be like... Hell on her. This is going to be hell. This is going to be nuts. 30 seconds later she was asleep in the car. Catching flies. Stunning.

Transferred her into her car. She slept for like 13 hours. Just blows my mind that you just watched them. Like I, where Dotty was dancing in hers, I didn't go to the front. Roxanne kept going to the front because obviously Eden was in the competition, Ember Everly, Dottie and Renner. So it was five of them. They were all in it. All of them.

So my sister kept going to the front to record them. And I thought, I'm either going to cry watching her because I'm insanely proud of her for a standing there and doing that. Or I'm going to put her off. So I just said to my sister was like, I'll just go to the front and keep recording. You just stay in your seat. But you know when you can feel their nerves? And I was watching her and she was biting her lip.

And I was just, you know, when you're just like, I don't know whether I'm going to cry or whether I'm just really excited. I just couldn't believe she did it. And she did it five times she got up there and did it. And I was just so proud of her because, again, she's come a long way as to trying to find something that she really, really loves to do. And I know she did her ice skating. and she's kind of pulled away from it and didn't really want to do it.

And she's gone into dancing. But she's never really had her thing, Doc. She's never really had her toy that she loves. So she's never really had her friends at school or one best friend or anybody she goes around to play with. She kind of just one minute there, yeah, I'll be friends with them. No, no, I don't really. We're not friends now.

Yeah, I'd love to do that. No, I don't really want to do that anymore. So she's really sticking at the dance. And she's got another competition in three weeks that she's got to get prepared for. So no, it's been a, it's been a very, it's been very this. Highs and lows. Yeah. Hyes and those.

And not just little, little highs and lows. They're big bad bastards. Yeah. It's from one extreme to the other at the moment. I don't know, honestly, where Ron coming or going. But, you know. That's life. That's what are.

People are sure. I fly in Jupiter shot down in May. Flying high in Jupiter. Flying high in June. Fly nine April. Shot down in May. Fuck. Flying high in June, shut down in May.

Flying high in April, shot down in May. Okay, well, I have been shut down in May. Quite literally. But yes, sorry, that was a lot. That was a lot. I know we haven't, you haven't, you haven't, no one's seen me. Where have I been? Yeah. Surviving.

Well, now you know. Now you know, honey's. But Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in a secret mum club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us. Respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello.

You can find us on TikTok. and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mumpod or you can email us hello at secret mumpod.com. Are you ready? Yeah. It's time for the Corresponders Corner! Right Emma, take it away honey because that is a lot

of talking from me. Okay, we've heard back from Jodie who moved to Wales and wasn't sure whether to homeschool her children after the move. Welcome back, Joad. She says, hello ies. As we're now just over a month away from the big move, I wanted to give you ladies an update. We went to Wales while the kids were off school for the holidays to look around some areas and

secondary schools near my parents' house. But we've decided that I'm going to homeschool my son for his last year of primary school and keep my middle daughter with him so they can start the same secondary school together next year. Our oldest daughter's already has a place at her new college. She's currently going through her GCSEs and has also changed her surname to her stepdad's, ready for him to adopt them later this year. Oh my God, I can't cope. North Wales standby for us arriving in July.

Wow. Oh my God. That's a lot of life updates. Jodie, this is so huge. Oh, she's changed her name so we can adopt. Oh, God. My motion can't take this, Jody. This is absolutely, absolutely beautiful.

Oh, my God. What a big year. Take me on, that would be great. You'll change your name as well? Yeah. Sure. I will leave my baggage here. Live in North Wales.

Oh, I live in North Wales. Yeah, it's quite the commute from Southampton. Just a little, yeah, just a little. But we'll make it work. We'll make it work. How exciting. Jodie, I'm so happy for you. It's so hard, isn't it?

Because until you're there and in it, it's really hard to make that decision. Yeah. But being that they've gone and they've looked around school, something is giving her that feeling to be like, do you know what? No, fuck it. We're going to homeschool. Yeah.

Do this for this time. And it's really hard to perform forward plan. Yeah. Without knowing. Yeah. So I'm so happy for you, Jody. Honestly. It must feel good to have finally made the decision.

Yeah. And now you're like, now we can just look forward to it. Roll on July, I say. Yeah. And hopefully the sun is shining. We've got a hot weekend coming this week. I'm going to say, I hope the weather gets better for you because it's been shit in Wales for the last few weeks.

Have you got... Sorry, gas in my lungs. Yeah, I think so. Have you got a hot week? A bit of a heat wave coming for back holiday weekend. Yes. Not as big as down here, though. We've got 30 degrees.

You best believe I'm going to be cracking open the buzz balls in my paddling pole on Saturday. I wonder what you were going to say then. I'm going to be down in buzz balls. Drowning in knee deep in balls. Buzz balls. Yeah. Just to be correct, not everyone's bulls. That would be weird.

Thank you, Jody, for letting us know. And I'm so happy for you. And what a beautiful, what a beautiful little journey that's about to begin. Oh, gosh, love that. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together, and we know that we are.

We're all stars and we see that. I tried to raise my eyebrows but forgot I had a top of the Botox. And then bitches ain't moving. Right, are you ready for my secret of the week? Keep it light-hearted. After all that, I don't know if I am ready. I've got a lot. I've dumped a lot of trauma on you today.

I'm not going to like you. So let's keep it, let's keep it light and tight. Light and tight. We're on the potty train. Yes. So we're using the potty. We're having a great time. Yeah.

Although, I don't know whether he's holding his we in. Again, this secret is about renners. Sorry, it didn't give you much. That could have been about Chris. Could have been Chris. I didn't give you much back story. Is he holding his wee-wee in? I think he's holding his wee-wee in during the day.

Oh, really? He's not going very much. So we are waking up every night, every morning, soaked through. I'm talking vest, pyjamas, bedding, the lot. Wait, so have you gone no nappy at night? No, no. Okay. We are napping at night.

Okay. But it's still leaking. But he's leaking. So I don't know if he's holding his weed during the day or what's going on. But we've done the cup method. So he only has a cup with his dinner so that we can make sure that when we're ready to do the nighttime nappy, we're good to go. Yes, we're good to go.

So every day for the last week and a half, I've washed the bedding and him in the bath at 6 o'clock every day. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm actually really loving it, because it's really nice to wake up, pop him in the bath, then Dodsey wakes up and she jumps in the bath with him. Everyone's up and dressed by 7 o'clock and it's giving me a lot of love in my home. So yes, that's been happening. But as we're in the midst of wee-wee's, readily lights going to the toilet on his own. now and he shuts the door. So he goes in, has his wee-wees. And the other morning, he goes to me, I wake up dry and I thought, oh gosh, no bath today. Sorry, Ren. No bath. We're just going to get dressed and go downstairs. So he's like, oh, mama, weewees. I was like, okay then. So he went

into the bathroom. He was like, bye, mama, shut the door. And I was like, okay. And then he opened the door. He's like, mama wet. And I thought, oh, he must have weed over the top of the potty. And he goes, hurry, mama, wet. And I was like, oh, okay, don't stand in out. Don't do anything. Panicking. and he's going to slip up on his wee. I'll give you one guess as to what he done. I've got no idea where this is going. So the potty has now become a party hat. Oh no.

In our house. So Renli decided to not only we in the potty, but take the potty and place the potty on his head. On his head. When I say it was wet, he was jumping up and down in his own piss. It was up the toilet. It was up the walls.

It was up the cabinets. It was in his hair. And he was going, we, we burn. Yeah, it's eyes. And he's going, ice, eyes! He was walking into the wall. There was piss everywhere. There was piss everywhere.

And that morning wee is like so strong as well. It's like sugar puffs. Yeah. And he burnt his eyes and everything. And it was just honestly hon enough. So I had to say to the other two, can we stop wearing the baby's potty? As a party hat. So Colby jumps out of the toilet with the potty on and he goes,

Put him up. Oh, like a sheriff. Yeah. This is the sheriff. Look, monkey see, monkey do. He wanted to come out and be the sheriff and covered himself in piss. And when I tell you, there was piss everywhere. Was it at least contained to the bathroom?

No, it was everywhere. It'd run under the door. It was all on the door. Then he'd opened the door and walked out with no, with his eyes closed because the wee was stinging his eyes. And he's going, Mama, wet, hurry. It was on the mirror. It'd run out of the bathroom into the hallway.

It was up the toilet, up the unit, up the wall, up the rad. There was we everywhere. It still stinks a piss six days later. At least he got a bath that morning though. And then I think he'd done it because he thought, you bitch. Yeah, you take my bath away from me. How fucking dare you? I'll show you as the sheriff in town.

Who needs a bath now? Get me in their tub. Bitches. That's what I imagine he thinks. Yeah. He says, get me in that tub. Yeah. So he had a bath.

I bleached all the bathroom. So it was kind of changed to our morning routine. I did put him in a nappy for the rest of the day because my men my emotions can handle it. Even washing the sheets every day. Fuck that. Fuck that. But then he kept taking the nappy down and going into the potty and every time if he now goes to the potty

he goes, oh, saw him on me. And I'm like, I wasn't even mad at him. I was just like, you know, when you're like, oh, I don't need this today, bud, but I need to strip you off. You stand now, slipping in the wee. It was burning his eyes out to run him upstairs, plop him in the bath, get Colby and Dotty to just sit with him for two minutes while I quickly ran

downstairs, clean the wee up, mop the floor, sort of the walls up. out later, go back upstairs, get the other two back to getting them dressed. It was a bit chaotic. That was a school morning. That was a school morning, yeah. Brilliant. While Chris was stick in bed because he's just really ill again. Oh, Chris, fuck's sake. Guys, I feel like I'm on that convey about at the airport. Do you know that one bit of luggage that nobody wants to come in to? She's a donkey on the edge. I go through the curtain. Every side. I feel like I'm on the edge. So that is how potty training And he's going for us.

Well, we've had our potty out for Sadie, hoping that it will, yeah, we did this with Joseph as well, just put it out. And she does say, we, we, but she sits on it and doesn't do anything. But she proudly stands up and says,

all done. And I look in there and I think, oh, is it, is there, is there? No, it's totally dry. But the problem is then, which happened with Joseph as well, it does become a toy. Yes.

So they like, ours has got the little, like, top that you can lift out so you can go in like empty without taking the whole potting. Is it from IKEA that one? No. I come of where it's from. It's yellow and it's got a leopard face on it.

Oh, nice. Again, a problem because she was like, oh, and pink one. I was like, you're having a yellow one because that's the one that Joseph had. Yes. Okay. Because he loved yellow and he loved animals. And I was like, I'm not buying another potty, but it becomes a toy because they like to lift the lid up, hide all their toys in the middle and then put the potty lid back down. So I imagine when there is we and poo in it, that's not going to stop them using it as a toy, you know?

And I've got all that to come. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's my secret of the week. We're going to get into yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away, her name. Okay, this says, hey guys. Hi, her. First time almost mum here.

I'm loving listening to the podcast. Thank you. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and getting very excited to welcome baby. I need some advice on how to manage my anxiety around baby movements. Since 25 weeks, we've been into maternity triage three times with reduced movements. Although baby has been absolutely fine, each time and the midwives have been so lovely and reassuring, I still can't help but feel really anxious every time I phone like I'm wasting their time. They always tell us that even

if baby is fine, we should still call back if we notice reduced movements again, but I still struggle with feeling guilty about it. Do either of you have any advice? Thank you both, all the best, Molly. My advice is go every single time. Go every single time. Every single time. I do totally understand this feeling and I think it's that reluctance to even call like a GP for an appointment. We feel like we're being a nuisance. And a pain. But make yourself a Because nothing is worth missing that for. And I feel like I can, we can, well, I personally can speak on behalf of everybody in that day unit or the night staff, they would rather you come in than sit at home and worry.

Yeah. And I think anybody will tell you, I'm not saying that's going to take your anxiety away or make it any better, but they would much rather you there than you at home worry. Yeah. And you are, they would much rather see you 10 times in a week than for you to sit at home and something awful happened. Yeah. So I, with both Colby and Renley, because I had gestational diabetes with Colby and anterior placenta,

I, movements were awful. Colby used to have like hypoes and lows. I don't know what the other one is. Hypo and hyper. Yes. But I used to have to go in because my movement's really bad. And then obviously with Renly, I was really, really unwell. Yeah.

And I had to go in loads for him. But I, when it come around, because obviously Colby was my first, I felt really guilty. But when it came right down to Renner's, I'd be like, I'm fucking. going in. I'm here again. It's not moving. What do you want me to do? You didn't ever feel like you were making yourself a nuisance? Not with Renley, with Colby every time I went in. And then when I come around with having Renley, I used to turn up at the day, you know, I was like, I'm really sorry. I know I'm here again, but movements aren't great. And there was times though when I was kept in with Renley overnight because movements were really reduced. Then obviously went in

at 34 weeks with Renner's because movements were reduced, waters went. So I think just listen to your body. If it doesn't feel right for you, then you go on in. Yeah, yeah. But I do get that feeling. Like you think, oh, paranoid, everyone thinks I'm a paranoid first time mom. Don't let anyone make you feel like that. Because I would hold off phone in the union as well and be like, oh, I don't know. Is it really that bad?

They've probably got cases that are more important than mine. They'd rather be seeing to someone else. Everyone's really stretched. I don't want to be a pain. No, just go in every time. And I would say that 99% of us all do go in. There is some of us that are just like, no, it's too much. I won't go in.

And some people's anxiety does take over. and they won't go in. But honestly, if I've been three of them, or having three children and going in with predominantly two of them, I think I went in a couple of times with Dottie because actually it was because I had the coliostasis with Dottie. So it was right at the very end that I went into the day unit. But I just think you've got to listen to your body. Nobody, no one can tell you how you are to feel about the baby growing inside of your body.

No one can tell you anything, not even your partner, not your mom. grandparents, doctors, no one can physically tell you how you should feel or how you should act about a baby that's growing inside of your body because only that baby and you are in this journey together and I think listen to you. Listen to your body. No one is ever going to be angry with you or upset that you've come in and I think that is so insanely important because you just never know. Yeah. And I think with Renli, I used to get worried about actually what if I don't go in? I'm going in, but what if I don't go in? And then I used to think I was the anxiety on the opposite way as to I've gone in and left

and I'm like, oh gosh, now what? I have to go home now. But can I not just stay here on the monitor? I actually, I've got more anxiety to go home. I think we've got the opposite of white coat syndrome. Like we actually like being in hospital. I find it reassuring to be there. Oh, just to be there.

And you can speak to somebody at any point. Yeah. When I was in with renters at 34 weeks, I wore them straps all day every day. His movements were monitored from were just under 34 weeks all day, every day, and obviously my contractions because I was having contractions. But you just got to, you really got to listen to yourself. Yeah. And I just don't think that there's any, at any point it's too much.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Never too much. I never know. I don't know if that's going to ease your anxiety. But I hope that there'll be a flood of ladies that do messaging and let you know, Molly, that you are, it's natural to feel. that way because that's the way we are.

I think we just carry on, don't mean you just get on with it. But I think there'll be a flood of women that say, especially our maternity staff, will say, come on in, honey. Yeah. Yes. Sorry, that was a lot, Moll. Do I do apologize.

No, I loved it. Do apologise. Right, should we go on to secret number two? Yeah, this says, hi, both. I just want to say I've been listening from the start, and I absolutely love you guys. Thank you. Thanks.

Listening to Sov Talk about struggling with the prospect of having no more children really resonated with me. I'm 38 years old and I have two beautiful children who are 9 and 14. My partner and I have been trying for a third baby since our youngest was three and unfortunately we've had no luck falling pregnant. We've had tests done and no reason has ever been found but this year we've come to the conclusion that maybe it just wasn't meant to be especially as we're both approaching 40. I'm so grateful for the two children we already have and I wouldn't change the last six years for anything but I'm really struggling with the feeling of never being pregnant again or having a newborn to snuggle. I don't really know what to do with myself.

I can't talk to anyone else about these feelings. And I just wanted to message you both because I know this is a safe space from anonymous. It's really hard, isn't it? It's hard one to come to terms with. And do you know what's even harder is the decision has been taken away from her? Yeah. She hasn't made that decision on her own. And that's something I think is a really hard one is, like, I never forget that time that

I got told that you're never going to have children. And I was just so angry. I was just like, how dare you make that decision for me? And I think it's really hard when you are trying for, the first baby, second baby or third baby, and it just doesn't happen. It's really hard to come to terms with that the decision hasn't been made because it's yours. Yeah. It's been taken from you.

And that's a really hard one to come to terms with. Yeah. And I think we spoke about this before, but like people can diminish it a bit when you already have children. They're like, well, you've already got two children. You should be really grateful for that. Yeah, but I wanted three. Like, that's how I saw my family being complete. And it's like really wanting something that you're never going to have.

It's really hard to come to terms with. but I think you will get there. And if you have your heart set on having a certain amount of children and then you have two beautiful children and then it comes to the third one and you just don't have that answer it's really, really heartbreaking. Like there's no answer. How have we done it twice before and how is it just not happening now?

Yeah, why is it just not happening again? It's really, really tough. It is really, really tough. I think unexplained infertility is like one of the hardest things to deal with. Like I've got a couple of friends going through it And I'm just like, they can't have a baby, but they don't know why. And there's no answers. There is no answer.

So frustrating. And doctors are like, oh, it should be reassuring because it means there's nothing wrong with you. No, it's worse. There's not because I'm really. There's a thing that I can't fix. Yeah. How, like, yeah, it's hard. It's hard.

And I don't, it's trying to talk to somebody about it is just going, why would you want any more? Why would you want any more when you're nearly 40? Why would you want to do that again? Why would you want to go back to the star? Why would you want to start all over again? Go back to nappies and sleepless nights. Why would you do that?

listen I've heard it all I've had every single one you can throw in the book and it's not even about that it's not even it's nothing is about going back and restarting it's just having more room in your heart to love more do you know and I think once you picture how you think your family's gonna be

it's really hard to ever let go of that isn't it like you obviously always pictured yourself having children so then to suddenly think I'm gonna not have children is like the worst thing you could be told yeah such a hard one isn't it I'm so incredibly sorry.

I wish there was more words that we could give you and ease your mind. It's just so hard. And I don't think it's, you know, it's nothing on your age. I don't think there's an age you can put on when you're having a baby, you know. I think it's just got to be the right time for you. And who knows? You never know if you do forget about it and just let nature take its course. Yeah, you do hear about this, don't you?

Sometimes the pressure can be a lot when you're wanting it's so bad. But I'm so incredibly sorry. It may still happen. But if it doesn't, I hope. that maybe the decision can, it will get easier over time. Yeah. She'd kind of come to terms with it. Yeah.

It's not an easy one. Sending you all of our love in the world. Right. Let's have our last secret. Okay, this says, hi ladies. We're currently potty training my little boy, and he's recently made a very unfortunate discovery. One day, after going for a wee,

he asked me why water comes out of his willy. And I explained that it's just like when water comes out of your eyes, when you cry, your body just needs to let it out. Well, he's clearly taken that very literally. Now every single time he needs a wee, he loudly announces, Mommy, my penis is crying. Unfortunately, this doesn't just happen at home. Last week in Costa, he stood up on a chair and screamed,

My penis is crying again. An elderly woman nearby nearly choked on her latte while I tried to explain he just needed the toilet. I genuinely don't know whether to correct him or just ride this phase out until he's 18. Ride the phase! Anonymous 18. Ride the face. My penis is crying.

I generally thought we were going to go to. down the drinking route then. We were going to go down that he's, you know how you like lick your tears when you cry? Oh yeah. When you're a child. I thought there was going to be he's shrunk his weight. Yeah. They say that's really healthy for you, don't they drink him?

Beggerel, does it? It can't be that bad for you. My penis is crying. Oh. I think that'll be one of those things that becomes like a family saying. Yes. So now whenever anyone needs a weed. My vagina's crying.

That's going to be out of the legs. I really need a good old cry. Sophia, do you need the toilet? Yes, my penis is my penis. I have big dick energy My vagina is crying My vagina is crying My vagina needs to cry

My vagina is bleeding Not the kind of the same as crying Yeah But I love that Every period I say carry it on Yes Yes

Carry it on until he's 18 If not older If not Just keep it going forever Yeah Just let him like Get his first sexual partner And go

Sorry it's your penis Mom my penis Be with you in a second My penis is just crying What Oh, before I'm telling you're first girlfriend. Sorry, I must go. My penis is crying.

I need to pee out of my, I need to cry out my penis. She's like, I don't think this is going to work out. I cry a lot. I've never seen you crying. Most of the time today. Oh, thank you so much for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Yeah, if you'd like to share your secrets with us, she can.

The email is Hello at Secret. or with SecretMumPod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. A potty hat's a problem in your house? Or do your toddlers have a wild way of telling you they need a wee? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!