Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Creamy Confusion

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

There’s good news and bad news this week! The good news is that Emma’s mum is in town! The bad news? There’s a lot of bodily fluids involved. One comes from a listener who learned the hard way why you shouldn’t trust a “drink” made by a toddler, and the other is from Emma’s secret of the week, which involves a pasta and milky sick mix-up. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. Um... Oh, come on. Sorry. Fuck's sake. We're trying to do it without looking. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! Hello!

I have to be careful we don't wake Sadie baby. It's okay, mum's here today. Nanny's here today. Not my mum, Emma's mum. My mum. Although it's literally carbon copy of Emma. Actually your carbon copy of your mum, because she came first. I walked in and Sophie goes, oh, you don't look like your mum. And I said, oh really? Everyone

else says we do. She was like, no, I was taking the piss. Spitting image. But your mum's got beautiful blonde hair. What are you saying about mine? You haven't had it done for a while. You've got your little grey spot back, haven't you? You haven't had it done for a while. You've got your little gray spot back, haven't you? I wasn't being rude. Stefan's like, why don't you... Do you know what that reminds me of? Karolina Deville. No! Anna and Elsa. Anna. Anna? What? She has a gray streak. Yeah, when her sister strikes, fucking hell. I've seen no films.

Such a knob. Not even frozen. I will get to that though, because I've got no films. Not even Frozen. I will get to that though. You will get to that because you've got a girly now haven't you? I was going to say Joseph's going to love it. He loves Let It Go. When we're in the car I say what music do you want to listen to? He goes how about Frozen? And he means Let It Go. He likes the music though he doesn't he's not quite the film buff. No he likes Disney music but yeah a film is too normal. I feel like you haven't had your hair done in ages. No, I haven't. All right. No, because I just, you had it done like two or three times. I had it cut in a bob. Yeah. Before Sadie was born. It's grown so much. I know. I think

that's the last time I had it done. And now I just don't have the time to be honest. Tell me about your week. You had a big one, haven't you? I've had a huge week. I don't want to say it was a big deal. You missed out because you were off. Did I miss this because I was in Spain? Swimming in a luxurious pool. Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh, update on our week.

Rainley is sick again. He's so sick. I'm sick of his shit. Do you say it to him? I am sick of your shit. He's sick again. This time he's actually really, really bad. What's wrong with him?

She's got this awful cough. Yeah, I do feel like everyone's got a cold at the moment. My mom has been so ill. Has she? My brother went to Egypt, got COVID the first day he arrived. What the fuck is that all about? Who's still getting COVID? I don't know.

And I said to him, how did you know you got COVID? You still testing? Yeah, did he? Yeah, he did. But you can travel, can't you? There's no rules. Testing, testing, one, two, three. No, I think you can travel fine. One day it was dangerous, we couldn't leave the house and we were having like a apocalypse, no isolation. Yeah. And now you can just try out do all sorts with it. And was he fine? No, he was really sick. Was he? Yeah, he missed seeing the pyramids. Oh no. Dev ideas. Did he give it to your mum?

really sick. Yeah. Missing the pyramids. Oh no. Devotee years. Did he give it to your mom? It's true story. That was literally our conversation when he got home. I miss the pyramids. That's what you go to Egypt for. I know. It's a whole lot of part of the holiday. Still got to ride a camel though. I think they'll still be there for a while if he wants to go back. Yeah. I was going to say, I don't think they're going anywhere anyway. Anyway, I don't think he gave it to my mum. Who knows? Maybe he did give it to my mum. My mum's been rough. Stefan's mum's been ill.

Joseph's got a bit of a cold and Sadie's got a sniffle as well. But she's had a cold for about six weeks. Yes. Anyway. Yeah, everyone's been sick. Renly's sick. The only people that aren't sick is Colby and Dottie. So I don't really know what's going on there.

They've got a bit more immunity though, I think. I feel like Docs is the carrier. I feel like it's her school. Yeah, because she was one of 13 in her classroom the other day. The rest were off. She's a class of 30. Oh God.

And they were all off sick. More than half were sick. They've had the chickenpox, they've had everything. I know. Although I did wonder if she was, because she's had the chickenpox. She's had it already. I wonder if she's carried it.

And that's why Renly's sick. But you, people go to chicken pox parties, don't they? Yeah. I'd rather him have it now. To get it. Do you want him to get it? Well, I would like to prevent it, but if he could have it at this age,

because I feel like once they're aware of it and they can itch everything. It's worse. Yeah, I do think it's worse. What was it like when Colby and Dottie had it? Was it bad? To be fair, Colby took it like an absolute champ. And then my sister's youngest had it.

So then I got it, got Dottie to have it, went around there. Did you? But hers was awful. Like they were all inside her mouth, up her nose. They were horrendous. Itchy. Yeah. They're making me itch now.

It's like when someone talks about nits. Oh yeah. Oh God. Do you think that's what Rennie's got? I don't know. I think I'm going to do the vaccine for Sadie because I did it for Joseph. The chicken pox vaccine? Yeah. You can have a chicken pox vaccine. Yeah, but you have to pay for it. But it's coming in on the NHS. I think maybe only in Wales, not England, but I'm going to pay for Sadie to have it as well. Oh, because I just think Jojo's never had it. He's never had it. But I think if you can avoid them getting it then-

Well, do you have to just have it all the time? No, you have two doses. In your whole entire life? Yeah. Well, will that prevent them getting shingles? No, I think shingles is a different virus, isn't it? Is second- Same, so exactly the same.

I know. Bring her every week. I know that because Nanny had shingles when Sadie was born. I told, I can't believe we've just glossed over that. I've categorically stated something that is correct and true and you just bypassed it. Sorry. I had a cheerleader in the back, your mum,

and you just bypassed it. Thank you. Thank you very much. We got something, you got something scientific right. It's a first. It's a first for the podcast. It's a first. It's a first for the podcast. It's a first, I'm a last. Yeah, so you have two doses and then I guess you don't get chickenpox all shingles.

Which is worth it, isn't it? It's about- I don't know. I've had chickenpox once in my life, so I don't really know. No, but I think if you could stop them going through it, then why wouldn't you? It's like if you could stop them having a,

I keep getting messages about giving Joseph the flu vaccine and I think, well, if I can stop him from having it, get all the vaccines in there, I think. Yeah, I guess that's a good thing. I'd rather them just have it little, so they can fight it, you know. We thought Sadie might have had it a few weeks ago, but nothing.

Tough old babies, I feel like. Yeah, she just had some spots and nothing else. So I think maybe she hasn't had it. She's cut a tooth though. This is fucking huge, a huge noose. She's cut two teeth. So the spots may be for them teethy pegs. Could it be that?

Yeah, it's good spots on your face and your bum. And she always gets this little like pink spotty brow when she's tired. I think that's the thing as well, isn't it? I think it's teeth. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I can't believe she's got a whole little peg poked through.

I know too. Her knees are just sat there. Bubbling. They're just not even, well, they've cut, they're sharp, but they just, they've been like it for weeks. You can see them. They're just not coming through., they've cut, they're sharp, but they just, they've been like that for weeks. You can see them, they're just not coming through. Like they've not got any bigger. They're just a little, like a little sharp line.

It is taking her ages. Like you've been able to feel them for weeks. Yeah. And they've only just like, you can only just see them. That's what I mean. I'm just waiting for them to come up a little bit. Yeah. You can feel them in there.

Two at the top, two at the bottom, but they're just not. Takes forever, doesn't it? Yeah. It's hard work growing teeth. But now she likes putting everything, like your fingers in her mouth. Oh shit. And it's so sharp.

How's the nipples? Has she bit them? Do you know what? It's fine. I didn't really think about that because I didn't feed Joseph when he ever had teeth. Yes. I'd already stopped feeding him. This is like a whole new journey for you.

But I know people obviously do feed their babies when they have teeth. So I think it's fine. But yeah, it's fine. I think to be honest, my nipples are so tough and leathery now from all the trauma that I think it's burger nips. It'd be fine anyway. Yeah. Senseless. Can't feel anything.

Flick em. Do you know what? I've actually got one little spot on mine. I keep trying to squeeze it. Now that's really fucking painful. Yeah. But it's obviously a blocked, blocked, blocked. I need to pluck my nipples. A blocked duck. I've got a blocked duck on my nipple.

Have you got a blocked duck still? I don't know. Still there. There's no milk in there. There's no milk in there. There's nothing in there. I cut a blacked duck on my nipple. Have you got a blocked duck still? There's no milk in there. There's no milk in there. There's nothing in there. It's just a little white.

And I tell you, I squeeze it. Don't squeeze a spot on your nipple. Fuck me. Right on the end. Fuck me. Right on the tip. Fuck me. Right on the tip.

Are you a spot squeezer in general? Yeah, love a spot. My sister's the worst. She has these long acrylic pointy nails. I don't normally squeeze my nipples. I squeeze my nipples. I squeeze my nipples. I squeeze my nipples. I squeeze my nipples. I squeeze my nipples. I squeeze my nipples. Right on the tip. Fuck me. Right on the tip. Are you a spot squeezer in general? Yeah, love a spot. My sister's the worst.

She has these long acrylic, pointy nails. I don't normally squeeze my spots. And whenever I see her, she just walks straight up to me and starts squeezing my spots. Even like on my back, whatever. Problem is with acrylic nails is they're so thick. That's really hard to get a, it's really hard to get a good,

No, she has the pointy shape. So she gets at you with these two needle pincers and just. Do you know why I actually watch videos of people popping spots? Yeah, we should film, we should start YouTube. So satisfying, like when people get loads of blackheads and oh. Oh it is, I do love that.

She'll see one on the babies and go, can I squeeze your baby's spot? And I'm like, no. Colby's getting spots, isn't he? I've been picking them on his, yeah, on his little forehead. You shouldn't pick them though, cause they're scar. Speaking of scars. Oh, see what you did there.

Seamless. She's desperate to know. I wanna know. I wanna know. It says on my notes. If you really loves me. Scar Joe. Scar Joe.

And I wanna know what it means. You know what it means. I do know what it means. But what do you tell me about it? I met Scarlett Johansson. What, why? Where I wear, why I wear? Keegan-Michael Key.

When, where, how? Why, when, what, when, who,en. What, why? Where I wear, why wear? Keegan-Michael Key. When, where, how? Why, when, what, when, who, how, what, blah. We got kindly invited to go and watch the premiere of Transformers 1. Hang on. Yeah. Hang on. It's Transformers 1.

Hasn't there already been a Transformers? Yeah, but this is Transformers 1. So this is like, we're going back as to how Optimus Prime became Optimus Prime. It's an origin story. It's phenomenal. A prequel.

I'm not gonna lie. I was a little bit nervous about taking Colby to it. I feel like I've talked about this a lot, but he is still, we're still transitioning over to like the bigger boy films. Yeah. What is it rated? 12.

Yes. And he's eight. Don't know. Yeah, I was gonna say I don't know if we. Is it grown up for him though? Do you think? Scary? No, I wouldn't have said it was scary. I don't I don't think it was scary. He wasn't frightened. It was just very packed with action. You say he wasn't frightened like you were. No, I wasn't frightened. I wasn't frightened. I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared. I was scared of one little bit. No, it was actually really, really funny. Yeah, it was really funny. Really good. And I thought it was a very emotional relic. So I was very up and down for it. I was laughing. I was near on crying. I was on the edge of my seat. It was

truly fantastic. And why did you get to meet Scar Jai? We were just, so we were asked. We were asked if we would like to have a, an interview with some of the, it was meant to be Crimsh, Crimsh, Crimsh Hemsworth. Chris Hemsworth. Crimsh. Christmas! Um, Chris Hemsworth, but instead, um, Charlotte, Charlotte.

Am I fucking all right? The pressure is getting worse. Charlotte.en. Charlotte, yeah. We're on. I've never heard of her. She an actor? We're on new name terms. We're that close. We're tight. You know her real name. She likes all her friends call her Charlotte. Fucking dickhead. I'm sleep deprived. Can you tell? I don't think I've slept for six months. I just fucking showered everyone with saliva then because I got my teeth in. I am as well today. So this will be fun. Fucking Nora Doris. So yes, we were invited to meet them. It was meant to be Chris Hemsworth and then they were like, oh, Scarlett Johansson.

Oh, sorry. You've got to have Scarlett Johansson instead. She actually was, we were only one of the ones, one on one, she would take. Could you talk when you interviewed her? No, and you know what? I had these in while I was talking to her and my mouth was so dry, I was like this. You're gonna take your retainers out for the occasion.

So, do you come here often? It was very, there's one point she's looking at me, she's like, who is this girl? I think it's my teeth. I was looking at Colby and she was looking at me and I was like. We loved the film. It was really great. Oh God. So no, it was truly phenomenal. Lifetime, lifetime. And Keegan-Michael Key as well. The nicest man I've ever met, I think. It was just so

engaging with Colby. Like I was so taken aback by how welcoming he was. I instantly just put Colby at ease because I think I was a little bit nervous so it was rubbing off on Colby. All the whole time Colby was absolutely great apart from he knocked down the toy display in the waiting room and it was dead quiet. There was loads of media everywhere. There was people from the radio. There was all these different people. I don't know who they were. So we just sat in this like waiting room and you got called in for your quick five minutes slot. Colby's playing with all the toys,

just knocked down the whole display. I just sat there. I'm not with him. Who's kid is this? Gosh, who brought- They're kids to work, honestly. But no, phenomenal. Yeah.

Was Colby all right with it all? Or does he, it probably didn't understand like how big it was. Cause I think as well, where the faces, their faces aren't in the film. I think it was hard for Colby to, obviously he's so used to watching characters in a film, not actually watching the actor.

Like obviously we watched Scarlett Johansson, as an actor or actress on the telly. So I think he didn't put two and two together. So for him, he was just like, it was just like a man and a woman. Yeah, yeah. Where is Optimus Bride, he was just like, it was just like a man and a woman. Yeah. Yeah. Where is Optimus Bride? Yeah.

You know, it was great. It was really good. But no, he had the time of his life. And were they all right? Cause normally when they've done those things, they're doing like loads of interviews all day, aren't they? We literally got like four minutes. Yeah.

And it was like, up you get, mid-cut, like we're mid-talking. And she was like, yeah, take everything off. You got to go in the next one. That's it. Yeah, next one's ready to go. They were all right. Because sometimes they can be a bit like funny, can't they? They're like, I've been answering these questions all day. No, Colby, they had a really lovely conversation. Like Colby asked them about like how they got into being actors and when did they start. Asked them a little bit. Scarlett Johansson found out she's got a twin brother. It's basically we're best friends.

Wow. Yeah. You've got so much. Can I just do a TikTok trend with Scarlett? We just become best friends. But yeah, it's loads of media. And then yeah, us loose cannons in there knocking down the display. What were you having the time of our life? Probably even just straight up just went, any chance I could take these toys home? She's like, unfortunately, darling, no, you can't. We found it in the Smith's catalog now. So it's on the Christmas list. Yeah. Yeah. You started buying Christmas presents already. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm practically done. Oh my God. I am one of them. This year I have to

be one of those. Why? Because I'm just chasing my ass. I feel like I've not caught up. I feel like I don't even have time to fucking sleep because I'm six months delayed. You know? Very readily. I'm technically, I'm only in July. The weather's just fucked. I'm in July, I'm still trying to play catch up from the summer. No, I'm not, I need to be prepared.

I need to be prepared. Cause I feel like now three babies this Christmas. To be fair, it's only two months away. We were on that. Do you know what? It's really weird. Me and Stefan were saying the other day, because we went away, I don't know if you know,

went away for a whole month in September. But because we basically missed out the end. I think everybody felt the whole fucking month. Everybody felt my absence. I was sorely missed. Somebody so much say that they were like, where's Emily? Who the fuck? She's been gone that long, we forgot her. Everybody else has been slogging away while I've been on holiday. But me and Stefan were saying, because we like went away the end of the summer, came back into autumn, I literally feel like we... Missed it.

We missed it. We missed the transition. Now you're playing catch up. So we basically went from summer and we came back home to winter. We are not prepared. We've got no winter clothes out for the babies, no winter clothes out for ourselves. The house is freezing. We were like, I have to remember how to put the heating on. Suddenly feel like we've gone from drinking Aperol spritz and eating salad to like- So you're now on hot chocolate and cream? Hot chocolate, wanting to cook a roast dinner. Oh, stunning. I just, I feel like I've really, and now I'm suddenly like, it's the middle of October

and time's going so quickly. Fast. I basically skipped the whole of September. Yes. I felt like I missed it. You did. You were in a fucking other country. I lost a month. You lost a whole month, girl.

It's really weird. I feel like, like the other day I had to take Sadie out. She'd just been wearing vests, obviously, in Spain. I had to take her out. I had like no warm clothes. No, I managed to drag a snowsuit of Joseph's down from the loft. Really boyish colors and massive on her. The poor baby, she was in her pram like star fished. No arms, no legs.

Pink baby grow. Lucy went so now. Blue snowsuit. Listen back to the last episode. That was a wild episode that one. These arms weren't sewn up. Yeah, no arms weren't sewn up, but it was quite bad. You know, just feel like we're not ready. We're not ready for it.

Now you're going to be playing catch up with that whole month. I know. I promise you. And the clocks are going back. Skip forward, fall back. Jump, spring forward, fall back. They're going back soon. Are we in the fall now? Yeah.

I wonder why it's called the fall. Is it because we're all fucking literally falling off the face of the earth like fucking done with this year. I think it's because the leaves fall off the trees. That would make perfect sense to be honest with you. But yeah, so that's my week really. How's yours? It's been good.

We started weaning. Proper. That's exciting. Which might seem. I just don't understand how I saw you last week and you were like no no not considering this week. I'm fully in it. Three meals a day. Two courses on each meal. It's because something happened at the weekend. Tell me. We went to Stefan's family and I was speaking to his auntie who's a health visitor and she was like. Is she a nice health visitor? Yeah she's really nice. She's actually a really handy person to have in the family. Every time I see her, I'm like, what's this? What's this? Is this normal? Have a look at my child. That's like my sister-in-law, because she's in the

hospital. I just ask her everything. Yeah, that's not really my jurisdiction. I don't care. Find someone. Tell me, find someone on the ward. Someone. No, she's a handy person to know. But she was like, have you started weaning yet? Probably seems quite late because she's said he's like seven months nearly, and Renly, aren't they? And at six months, we, when she turned six months, we were in Spain. So I was like, I'll just get through the holiday. I'm not going to do any food out here really. Like she'd had a little nibble of banana here and there, but like nothing proper.

I was still just breastfeeding her. And then I was like, I really can't be bothered because it's such a faff doing all the pureeing and the prepping and the ice cube trays and whatever. I was like, I can't be arsed. And I said that to Stefan's auntie at the weekend. I went, oh, I've kind of like half-heartedly done a bit, but I can't really be bothered. And she was like, you really need to start on some food like now. She was like, it's really important that you feed her because she'll be malnourished and she'll miss out on like proper growth and development. I was like. She's missing out on nourishment. Yes, she is wasting away. No, she's doing absolutely divine.

I think the hard thing is, and I understand like health visitors come with the best of best of intentions. Yeah, intentions, yes. But I just think sometimes, look, I've been talking about this a lot is that weaning is fucking mad.

Yeah. It's a scary, scary ass world. And I think, and people always go, Oh, you know, you need to wait for the baby. The baby will tell you. Be led by the baby. One, the baby can't talk. So they can't fucking tell me what's he going to do? Eyeball me.

Yeah. I'll take a sausage roll. Well, she has been like intently staring at everything. Yeah, which is fine. But I feel like we need to be ready. Your heart needs to be ready for that next step. It's a big one. And I hate it.

I've remembered since starting it how much I hated it with Joseph. It's such a pain in the ass. It takes ages to feed them. And also now I'm trying to feed a baby and feed another baby at the same time. So like trying to get Joseph and I still feed him to be honest to get him to eat a bit more. You spoon feed, yeah. Yeah, I know he can do it himself. Oh, it doesn't matter.

But when I'm like, I want him to just eat it. I'm like, fine, I'll feed you. I say, do you want, do you want to do it? Or do you want mommy to do it? And he goes, mommy. Yeah. Because I gave him the option. Obviously he says mommy.

So I feed him, trying to feed Sadie. It just takes forever. It's so messy. Every time she has to have an outfit change. I had to bath her last night. She was covered in mango puree. Oh, God bless her. You give them a spoonful of everything.

They just go, spit it right out. Like I just, I hate, I do hate it, but I've started proper now. I think sometimes though, like the puree, I don't know, like I'm like finger foods, like the baby led ween and that scares me a little bit, but I'm more of a, I like a bit more chunk to it. I like to get the chunks in as quickly as possible.

The purees are so runny, aren't they? So fucking runny. And you need to get them, you were saying about getting them to learn how to suck it out of the pouch because I'm putting it onto the spoon and then giving her the spoon. And also the nightmare is, all she wants to do is hold the spoon and chew it.

So you can't really get anything into her mouth without her like grabbing it. Give her a double spoon. Do you know what I've remembered now, we used to do that with Joseph, we used to give him a decoy spoon and then feed him with the other spoon. Decoy spoon and bowl, Renly uses it as like a drum. Yeah and then they're distracted. Hang! And in you go. Yeah you find yourself mirrored don't you? I'm going ah ah ah. Oh yum! Here it comes!

Here it comes. Mommy have one and you eat it and you're like, yummy. So proper weaning. Lovely. And you know what I think it might lead to, hopefully is longer sleeps. Cause she was still waking me up every three hours for a feed. Holy smokes.

Yeah, I know. Every three hours? Yeah. For a feed? Yeah. Well, this is why I look so fucking tired. Yeah. What's my excuse? Yeah, your baby's been sleeping through since he was about two weeks old. On and off. But you wake up early. Yeah, I do wake up early. Do you know what? I had

a nice chat with your mum about that this morning. Did you? She actually agrees with me. So you actually, that's the crazy one. That's not a representative sample of people. Come January, look who's going to be back in the club. I will be, yeah, but not for your choice. It'd be because I'm going back to my other job. I've been up since five o'clock this morning. Stop it. How was that for you?

Horrible. I thought you'd be proud. I was thinking, I was laying there awake being- I wonder what the fuck Safina does at this hour. Yeah, I was laying there awake being kicked in the head by Sadie and I thought Safina would be proud. I would be. I am proud. I'm so proud of you. But I'm shattered now.

It's okay. Because by the time you get to like lunchtime, it feels about six o'clock. Yeah. Some may look at that as negatively. Me, still got another fucking six hours till bedtime. No. And it's only twelve o'clock. Yeah, no. That's not a good feeling. There's so much possibility. The possibilities are endless. Honestly. I think I would get more done because I feel like I'm constantly chasing my tail.

There you go. So maybe if you woke up earlier, you may actually catch up on that month you decided to leave. Eventually by Christmas I'll be back on today. I wouldn't push it. Maybe July next year. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mom Pod or you can email us hello at secretmompod.com. It's time for another Correspondence Corner.

That was beautiful. I like that one. That was sexual. I wanna sex you up. So Emma, let's have our first one. All right. This one says, Hello ladies, I just finished listening to the episode, The Muff Guff and wanted to respond to Evangeline's feelings about being a step parent. Remember this one? Yes, I do remember this. My parents divorced when I was one and they both remarried. I love both of my step parents and refer to them as my parents. I don't like anyone thinking they're different from my biological parents, especially since they helped raise my sister and me. I confide in my step parents, ask for advice, share exciting news and do everything a child would do with a biological parent. Last year my mum passed away from cancer. It was the hardest time of my life but it didn't affect my relationship with my step dad.

We're still as close as ever, having three hour phone calls every fortnight. I just want to tell her to hang in there. You'll find your confidence and those children will love you not only for loving their dad and being respectful to their mom, but especially for loving them unconditionally. Oh my God. Stephanie in Australia. What a lovely message. Stephanie. What an absolute beautiful. How beautiful is that? That was really lovely. I love that. Oh my gosh. Her mom's passed away, but she still stays in her stepdad. Three hour.

But he's been in her life for so long. That is so cute. Isn't that? Stephanie, I think that's kudos to you. What a fantastic human you are. And they've all done such a good job at raising such a beautiful human. Yeah. Oh, God. And also sometimes it just means you weren't married to the right person in the first place.

It doesn't, you know, just. This is what I don't understand. I understand that not everybody co-parent's great and I get that. And there, you know, there is some really unfortunate situations. And I always say that if anything was to happen to me and Chris, you know, even like the worst

case is like he's cheated on me. I can't take away from the fact of how wonderful a dad he is. And I would never, yeah, unfortunate situations happen. Would I be sad? Yeah. But I feel like I would have to find a way to just make it work because he has every right to have the babies just as much as I have. So I get that it doesn't always work in the best circumstances, but they did the best

that they could with the situation. And they found new people that they were well suited to and were lovely and raised their children. So how amazing is that? And she still classes them as their parents. That's phenomenal though. Imagine four parents. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I'd like to know if they had like Christmases or anything together. All together. Yeah. All of them. Yeah. Like the two different sides. Don't have to tell me that though,

Stephanie, because that would be a lot of information. Very personal. I mean, I'll come for Christmas if you're offering. In Australia. Yeah, I can make an exception. Oh, that's really lovely. Thank you, Stephanie. I think people will find a lot of comfort in that, won't they? Yeah, there must be so many people that are the same as well. I also feel like I should have a three hour phone call with my dad every fortnight. I barely speak to him on the phone ever.

Oh, I talk to my dad quite a lot. Do you? Yeah, I do talk to my dad. Yeah, I only really, I don't. Sometimes I talk to his pocket though, because he accidentally rings me, but he's talking to somebody else, but I think he talks to me. In fact, I'm just talking to his inside pocket. My phone's always going off in my pocket. I kept accidentally calling my mom on holiday, which obviously you wouldn't normally do. She get kept calling.

God fucking hell, you scare the shit out of her. She get panic messaging me going, is everything all right? Oh, sorry. Yeah, just butted her on the beach. Sorry. Sorry about that one. All right. We've got another one here. Thank you, Stephanie. Yeah, thank you. We've got another one here. Yeah, thank you. We've got another one here. It says, Hello, Sophie and Emma, listening to your episode about what

people say during labor reminded me of my second birth. My labor progressed so quickly. I didn't even realize my baby was about to make a swift exit. Well, exit or entry? Exit from the body, entry to the world. Yes. I was kneeling on the bed, puffing on the gas and air when I felt a little nugget drop from my bum onto my leg. What a poo? Nugget? Or chicken nugget? I don't know. Fucking hell, I'd be like to the midwife, get your chicken nuggets away from me. Fuck's sake. Happy dinner outside. Everyone says midwives don't care if you poo during labour, but we all dread it. Instead of focusing on my labour, I shouted, hi as a kite, I've just shit and I know I have. it instead of focusing on my labor I shouted hi as a kite I've just shit and I know I have

I shit and I know it the midwife quickly handled it oh and within 30 seconds my baby arrived 30 seconds she didn't have long she must have hoisted out the poet whoa yeah honestly how the midwives are heroes so. She didn't have long to think about it, did she? No! The moment haunts me regularly, but now I can laugh about it with my boyfriend. I hope this gives you a good laugh too, from Shannon. Shannon, girl, we've all done it. Have we?

I mean, I wasn't in labor and I've shit myself. Yeah, but you never shit yourself. Oh, I thought you meant in labor. No! You never have in labor, have you? No, I don't think I... Well, I shit out all my organs before I had Renly, didn't I? Well, yeah.

Took that buddy Lachylo's. Had diarrhea. Severe diarrhea. But all on the toilet. You didn't poo yourself on the bench. No, I didn't shit myself. That's amazing really. Well, to be fair, I wonder sometimes if they just tell me I didn't. Yeah.

But I did. You know. You think you would have felt it though? Maybe not. No. Not with everything else that's coming out down there. No, there's so much pressure in that area, I don't know. And liquids. Yeah. She obviously felt the nugget on her leg.

She felt that it was a hard one that came out. Yeah, a little pop of a nugget. You're straining so hard. Exactly. You can't blame yourself, really. At first, baby, I always feel like they tell you to push to your bum and it's not really your bum. No.

So like they say, well, in label with Colby, she was like, push like you're having a poo. It's not that. It's not a poo. It's more like the perineum. It's the bit in between. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously with Dot you're having a poo. It's not that. It's not a poo. It's more like the perineum. It's the bit in between. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So obviously with Dot, I was a pro. Yeah. Pro. I don't know this feeling obviously, cause I've never pushed a baby out. Number three. That's still a sign. So not only I have to have another baby,

but I have to have a V back. Okay. Yeah. Bring it back. We'll see about that. Listen, right? I'm going to say something really, I'm going to get it off my chest.

It doesn't make like, I feel like when you're pregnant, right? And everybody says it has this big elaborate birth in journey that they want to want to do. I've said this before, you just got to get that baby out and it doesn't matter whether you have all the drugs in the world or you don't. No marching band comes in with a fucking certificate. You're not awarded a crown and go, well done, you did this with no, like it doesn't make anybody any inferior to anybody else. Like I feel there's so much negativity around,

like there'll be a trend on social media when they're like, yeah, I gave birth to my baby with no gas and air, with no drugs. Amazing. Great for you. Yeah, great for you. Cause all that does is just stem somebody that's tried for 20 hours and then they go down for an emergency cesarean. No one gives a fuck. All we know, all we want to know is that your baby's arrived

safely as well. All that other shit, no one cares. Like, yes, Shannon's pooed, but that's, you know, if we poo, we poo. If we don't, we don't. I feel like it's irrelevant. Yeah. As long as that baby gets here safely. That's all that matters. We don't judge. We're all here just doing our fucking best. And it don't matter. If you need the drugs, take the drugs. If you don't want to push the baby out and you go for an elected cesarean, that's perfect. Yeah, like amazing. If I do have another baby I'll be having an elected cesarean. This is a point isn't it? I think sometimes it's people that like do trends and they're like yeah I did

it with no drugs. Well even before I had Sadie like and I had opted really early on for a cesarean. You wanted to push Jojo out though didn't you? I did but because I had the emergency cesarean with him I always knew I wanted a cesarean with Sadie. And so many people said to me before she was born, like, do you not wanna give natural a go? No, thank you. No, I fucking don't. I just, like, you're not missing anything. You're not missing the pain of pushing a baby

out of your foo foo. People that have had like an amazing, like, you know, my sister with my nephew, like amazing water birth, I do think that is an incredible feeling. I would love to experience that, but not enough to actually do it. Yeah. You still got to get the baby.

As much as the experience is phenomenal, you still got to get the baby out. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie, stings a bit. Slightly stinging. Just a little bit. Just a tad little stinging, but don't ever feel any inferior to anybody else or inadequate. You

poo that luggage. You just do you boo boo. We love you for it. We love you for the poo. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. This is the Secret Mum Club, the safe space for us to share our secrets. This week, I'm not sharing mine. Emma is going to grace us with a secret this week.

Are we going to do mine? Yeah, we are going to do your secret this week. Okay. I feel like I always take the show. Okay. This is a two man band. You're also left for a month. So you got to do some work. Work, work, work, work.

Listen. Right, tell me your secret. I'm going to be here for the rest of the year. So Nanny's here. Nanny is here. Nanny's here looking after Sadie, baby. Yes, she is. So... Just literally a blonde version of Emma.

Do you think? Your mom? Oh, not Sadie. She's so Stefan, isn't she? She is old Stefan. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. And they, she looks so much like Joseph now. I don't think she does.

Do you think she does? Oh, yeah. Do you think she looks like Joseph? No, I think she's like her dad. Do you? Yeah. Do you think Joseph looks like Emma then? Yeah. Do you think she looks like Joseph? No, I think she's like a dad. Do you think Joseph looks like Emma then? Yeah. Do you? When she was little, we need mummies bringing some baby pictures.

Anywho, Nanny's here. Poor Nanny. She's been dragged around London. Left, right and centre. North, south, east, west. We went to the Paddington Bear Experience the other day. How was that for you? It's really good. It looks really good on the videos. It is really good, I have to say. It was hashtag gifted, but I would still recommend it.

1010 recommend. 1010 would recommend. If I go, I'm paying for myself to go, so I will give a... Honest review. Honest. No, it was genuinely... It looks really, really good. They've recreated the whole...

Like the little street. Street and the whole house and everything. And obviously you see Paddington and you meet Mrs. Bird and Mrs. Brown. It is really cool. It's really good. But my sister came up. So like my mom's come up on the train

with my sister and her babies. She came home with me and my babies to my house. She had like a day of helping out with Sadie and Joseph cooking a roast dinner, you know, doing all the things that I don't have time to do. Doing the washing, washing up, doing all the handy things. So I thought the other night I'll cook her dinner for coming and doing all the childcare. And I made a lovely actually, HelloFresh creamy pasta. Oh, stunning. Stunning. Stunning. Bit of pork, bit of sage, bit of mushroom, bit

of cream. Oh, this creamy pasta. My mum's like, we've just put Joseph and Sadie to bed. I did Joseph, my mum did Sadie. Oh God. So Sadie's had her bottle and gone to bed. We're sitting there, eating this creamy pasta. And I'm like, mum, what have you got on your, standing in a chair, I'm like, what have you got on your shoulder?

Like, it looks like a blob of like, creme fraiche from the pasta. She went, oh, I don't know, for some reason she picked it up, but put it straight in her mouth. And I was in the back of my mind, I was thinking that might be a bit of milk sick from Sadie. My mom was thinking, oh, it's just a bit creamy pasta. She picks up this blob of sick, Oh no! milky sick from her jumper, but it's straight in her mouth.

And she's like, Oh! Oh! And she's like, Oh no! I was like, I don't think that's pasta. She's like, No. It's sick. That's gassan. It's sick from wind and safety. She's like no

Obviously to get straight back out she's like I should have another mouthful of pasta quick and it'll be fine On the side of your plate or your jeans or something. Swallowed it. Oh God, that's as bad as a hair removal cream. Is that worse? Oh God! No! Your knack reflex. I can't remember the hair removal.

It's so sensitive. Don't think of the nair. Oh no! No, she's gone! Oh God, I can't. So sensitive. Don't think of the nair. Oh no! No, she's gone! Anyway, another mouthful of the pasta and she was fine. Later on I said to her, what did that taste like? She went, I'll try not to think about it too much really, it's mind over matter. Just get another bit of pasta in and it'll be fine.

Fuck. It's like that time I had shit under my nail. Oh God. Oh my God. That happened to me again the other day. To be fair, it didn't taste bad. It just tasted really sweet. Yeah.

I did that with Joseph the other day. He started trying to squeeze out his poos not on the potty. He just sits down. He says, I'm just having a sit down and I need some space. And I'm like, that means you're doing shit. But he started getting scared to sit on the potty and he did it the other day. And by the time I pulled his trousers down, he had a poo nugget in his bum already.

And I scraped it up my fingernail as I pulled his trousers down. You're never getting that out, ever. You probably still smells like it now. Yeah. She's so. And then every time you like cook or eat something or. You smell shit all day.

You honestly smell shit on your hands all day. You got to cut that nail right down. Right down. Cut it down. Cut it till it bleeds. Oh, they're disgusting, aren't they? Disgusting! It's my secret.

My mum ate vomit. And now let's get into some of yours. Well, we've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, let's have secret number one please. Hi Sophie and Emma, my nephew is four years old. He loves the grey clock on the wall in his lounge, although you might be a little concerned when you hear him talk about it. Oh we have an audio clip with this letter. Oh.

So let's hear it. This is exciting. Tell me what that is, Hendon. A big gay cock. Well done buddy. Roll it again. I need it again. I need it again. Roll tape. Tell me what that is, Hendon. Well done buddy. Well done. A big gay cock. A big gay cock.

Oh my goodness. Oh that has made my day. It's like when Joseph picks up a stick in the park and actually my nephew Seb used to do this as well. I'd be like, what have you got? Big dick. Mine used to call the flumps, Be like, what have you got? Big dick. Mine used to call the flumps, you know the flump marshmallows. Yeah. Fuck.

And Dotty used to go, can I have another fuck? Can I have another fuck? My mom used to be like, I beg your pardon. What? Another fuck. I got one fuck, two fucks. Ha ha.

Oh God. Oh, I love that so much. A big grey clock. His mummy and mama are trying very hard to fix this little arrow but it has me in stitches. Love from Auntie Carolyn. Please don't fix it. Thank you Auntie. Please just let him forever just go a big gay cock.

On the wall. What do you like in your house? Just the big gay cock. I beg your pardon. If a teacher or something hears that out of context, it's going to be like, what? Draw us a picture of your living room. This is my mom, the sofa, my gay cock. Oh, thank you, Auntie Caroline. Thank you, Auntie Carol. Is it our first auntie that's written in? I don't know. I feel like we've had an auntie

before, but none with a gay cock. Caroline is the only one with the... Right, should we have number two? All right, this says, hello you gorgeous pair. Thank you. Not if you could see us today. Well, speak for myself. You look fine. My secret is that my five... You look... Well, you look... I love how you look... You look fine. You look passable. You look okay.

My secret is that my five-year-old still has a bottle of milk every night in bed. This will be Joseph. Hold on a minute. Is this a secret? Yeah. Are we not meant to be? Doss has a cup of... They're a bottle though, they're saying. Does she have a cup? No, she has a bottle of milk. Oh, does she? Not like a... She has like a sippy bottle. A sippy cup. Yeah. I think they're saying it's like a baby bottle maybe. Oh, okay. It says, I know people might think it's weird, but he asked for it every day and it helps him settle. Plus the benefits of cow's milk can't hurt. He's autistic, so routine is vital

and this helps him sleep. Even if that weren't the case, it makes him happy. So it makes me happy. Lots of love from Becca. Becca. I think a lot of people put a pressure on you cutting out the milk, either in the morning or at night. And Joseph still has both.

And he's two and a half. Coby is really partial. They have a cup of milk, Coby has a cup of milk and a biscuit. Dotsie sometimes shall have a cup of milk, but because she likes to lie down, she'll have a bottle of milk and a biscuit. But they have it just warm before bed. Yeah.

But Coby's, he'll love it. He loves a warm drink before bed. Sometimes he has a cup of tea, decaf, so he can sleep. Or hot chocolate. I think it's a nice thing. It's a nice part of the routine. I think taking that away from him though, you're going to just upset him. And cow's milk is so good for them.

I always think as well, if Joseph doesn't eat that much dinner, oh well at least he's got his milk coming before bed so he'll be full. Sometimes we eat dinner early. So at the moment, because we're trying to eat dinner so that Renly has dinner with the, trying to get back, cause we're back eating a bit. We're trying to get back to all eating at the same time. Like at like half five or something.

Well, Renly's dinner's normally half, four, five. So by the time we all have dinner together, that's great cause then Colby goes out to football. He normally has a second portion of dinner when he comes back in and Docs will have like a milk biscuit and a piece of toast in bed. So have something a bit later. But I don't think you've got anything to be, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing to be worried about. My only thing with Joseph

is when we're trying to get him dry in the night and off nappy, I think he's going to have to not have a milk right before bed because at the moment he has like seven ounces of milk before bed and he wakes up obviously with a really wet nappy. So I think we'll have to phase it out when we wanted to get dry. Like yours fine in the night having a drink before bed. They wake up like half asleep and poodle to the toilet. Oh, do they? That's good.

Cause that used to be a problem for me as well. I wet the bed until I was quite old. And if I asked for a drink before bed, my mom would always be like half a cup only cause I had to limit the liquid intake. But there's a lot of pressure around giving up the milk, especially I'm finding with my friends now that have got children the same age as Joseph.

They'll be like, oh, it's like, we feel like we should like wean them off the milk now because they're two and a half, three. And I'm like, why? He loves it. He does love it. I'm just gonna keep giving it to him. I don't think, I think that's nice though, Becca,

to write that in because I think there'll be a few people that are in this situation. I wonder if they're put pressure on themselves, but I wouldn't, maybe ours went for a little bit. Maybe they dropped the bottles at nighttime, like the bedtime bottles, when they were probably potty training. But they definitely both have it now.

Dorsey does have it like a baby bottle, like a baby sippy cup. Sometimes she likes it in a cup, sometimes they don't have it at all. But I just think it's quite, I love a hot drink before bed though. It's nice and comforting, isn't it? Like an oval tea.

Oh, gosh. Or a Horlicks. Oh, Horlicks. Lovely. Lovely chocolate. A lovely multi-milk drink before bed. Isn't it divine? You can't beat it.

You can't beat a hot drink before bed, honestly. It's stunning. It really warms your insides. Warms the cockles. Warms the cockles of your soul. Is that what they say? Yes. Oh, it's stunning. It really warms your insides. Warms the cockles. Warms the cockles of her soul. Is that what they say? Yes. Oh, Becca, thank you. And you do you, darling. You're doing great. And if he's happy, who gives a fuck? Who gives a shit? You do you boo boo. Right, let's have the last one.

Alright, it says, hi ladies. I wanted to share a funny and slightly horrifying secret with you. I'm an aunt to a beautiful, sometimes mischievous seven-year-old girl who has taught me just how sweet and sneaky kids can be. When she was two, she received a ceramic tea set from her grandparents. One day she brought me a tiny cup offering me a drink. It was such a sweet moment that I couldn't resist. But something was off. The juice tasted strange. I asked her where she got it and to my horror, she led me not to the kitchen,

to the toilet. But to the toilet. Fuck. She proudly demonstrated how she'd scooped it straight from her potty. Fuck! Fuck! She'd been sad drinking her piss.

My sister found it hilarious while I was furiously scrubbing my mouth. Lesson learned, never trust a toddler offering juice. Best wishes, Jess from Gosport. Oh my God god Jess! My mum ate vomit and Jess drank piss. Fuckin what a day! This is the wildest party you're ever gonna fucking go to isn't it? Wow! I bet she was so proud of that because she must have thought it was like apple juice. A drink. Oh yummy! That warm wee wee. Oh no. Fuck that's

too much. An open potty is dangerous as well. Like when Joseph goes now, obviously we're in the early stages of potty training. He wants to get really close to what's come out. Oh, Cobby used to stamp in his, used to stamp in the potty and be like, muddy puddles. So I learned very quickly to pick that potty up, get it quick. Did it, I think Dotty did it once and I was like, no, fuck this shit. Stop with the piss. Honestly. And there's always, because I'm tracing my tail,

sometimes I forget to empty the potty. And then like last night I came down from putting them both to bed, hours later, there's still a potty full of piss in my living room. I'm like, I didn't empty that from hours ago. Disgusting! Imagine, you best be lovely. Jess would have got a cup full of that

if you'd left that long. Wow. You survived though. You did survive. Bear Grylls drinks his. Wow. You survived though. You did survive. Bear Grylls drinks his own wee. Drinks his piss. His own wee though, not someone else's. Yeah, true.

Don't you have to take someone else's piss when you get sung by a jellyfish? I think that's a myth, being weed on by someone else, isn't it? I would just say it makes you youthful, drinking piss. I think it's your own piss, but you know, piss is piss I say. Piss is piss.

It's all gone through the same organs. Oh Joseph's is so concentrated as well because he's a bit dehydrated. A sugar puff whey. Yeah, really yellow. Oh wow. Disgusting. Wow. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum

Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you trusted a toddler's juice and regretted it? Jou. Jou. Jou. A fancy jou.

Or do you have a big gray clock at home? Let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our spooky Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!