Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Crèche Clock

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

It’s been a hectic few weeks for Sophiena and Emma, but they’ve put the chaos aside for a quick episode! We hear from a mum with a potty training update, discover an almost unheard-of secret from one listener, and share an unfortunately timed mispronunciation at a crèche. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Help I Sexed My Boss is the podcast where Manners meets Mayhem. I'm William Hanson. I'm Jordan North. And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the Arbiter of Etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh-out-loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help I Sexed My Boss.

Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday. On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Sexted. Be warned. It's a bit rude. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere.

A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly.

All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Welcome back, Boo. Welcome back, boo. I've been a little bit, haven't we? We've been away for a bit, haven't we? We have been away for a bit. It's been a whole lot, hasn't it? It's been a thing.

I haven't seen me for three weeks. I know. You had holly bobs? I have my holly bobbles, which I feel like I've forgotten everything about it now because it feels like so long ago, you know, this build up to go in, especially travelling with kids as well. It's like quite a lot. Then literally seven days later, you're like, did that even happen?

Blinking, you're missing. Blinking, it's gone. It's like Christmas Day. You do all of that for one day. And then you're like, what the hell. The helie just happened to us. And now I'm like, what are we going to do next year? I'm already looking at next year's holidays.

You're little tease. I know. But I've been making a bit of a faux pass. I was saying to Stefan, I've been looking at, because at the moment I'll only fly from Gatwick because it's my nearest airport. And obviously there's lots of destinations you can go to from Gatwick. So many. One of the big airports in the country.

We're very spoiled to live down the road. So I've been looking at all these holidays. I'm getting close to booking something. I'm like, amazing. Got really good flight times. What am I thinking? You're going to tell me on a minute. They're going to say you're not going to live anywhere near it.

I know. You nutter. I know. You're going to have heat for. Of course, your possibilities are endless. I know. Well, now it's like Cardiff or Bristol, which is basically limiting us, you know, a fair bit. But no, we had a really nice time.

It was really nice to see because Jojo's been having swimming lessons. Stunning. For about probably. A year now? No. Only probably a few months, a couple of months. Oh. Yeah.

But they've worked wonders with him in such a short space of time. Because I don't know if you remember, but he was like so waterphobic. Yes. Like he literally, when we went to Spain last year, he wouldn't go in. The outside and the pool. Oh, my God. The beach. pool like you wouldn't walk on the sand you wouldn't go in the sea wouldn't go in a pool nothing not

going to lie though they are very very um heavily overwhelming things like the ocean is shoot yes swimming pools are bodies of water terrify me they are the sand is a lot i get overstimulated by sand yeah nothing worse with it in your crevice of your crack do you know it's so funny like when you've got kids i was saying to stephan like i would never normally be someone that was like happy to like have sand on my feet sit in the sand like absolutely not but when you've got kids that you're trying to keep happy on the beach. You should have seen me. I was like just pure sitting in like,

sitting in a sand castle. Like literally, yeah, it's in your crack. You're like, you know what? As long as my kids aren't crying and complaining,

I'm going to take one for the team. For the team. Yeah, it's like all in my bikini. But yeah, he did so well. He was really, I think it helped.

We went with friends. He was kind of just copying, like following their lead. Yeah. But the swimming lessons have been amazing. Like he was spending like hours in the pool. And I mean, say it's just nuts anyway.

Like she's had no swimming lessons, but she's feral. launch herself in. She's learned the words ready, steady go. And after ready, steady go, you need to be ready for anything. You need to be ready, steady go. Yeah, yeah.

You need to be ready, I'm ready. Yeah, yeah. That girl's got a life jacket on 24-7 because she's like, ready, steady and you're like, oh, she's actually going to jump in the pool. There's no one in there. But it was really nice. We stayed in a villa with our friends.

So it was just like really chilled, really nice. Loved Portugal. I've never been before. Yeah. But I'd be going back. It's lovely. Really nice.

Beautiful beaches. And I feel like this time was nicer because you actually got to relax a little bit. because Jojo last time was, it made it really stressful, didn't it for you? You just can't really enjoy anything. You're like, oh, let's do a beach day. Oh, no. He won't go on the beach. But he was like walking on the sands and everything.

Oh, God, love him. I know. He's really done a 180. He has. He has. So I was very proud of him. Yeah. He's done really well. And Sadie's good? Sadie's great.

She's just nuts. How's our man? She's absolutely nuts. Yeah, I haven't really seen him. Yeah. We've been back three weeks and so I haven't seen him. Straight back to like literally the day. after we had like i went on a spa weekend the day after we got back go on girl which was

lovely with my friends from uni but i it was just really bad planning but that was in the diary first so we literally like landed the next day i went i came back the next day did it low overnight lovely came back the next day stephan had to go straight to work so we were literally like in and out and i was like and so it begins again literally not even 24 hours and we are back totally back to normal life he's away at the moment so i'm i'm solo solo winging it so yeah we're just back to back to normality. Nothing like hitting the ground running, that. I know, honestly. I mean, how are you? I'm okay. I've been a little bit quiet. Not going to lie. I've

really, not struggled, but I have been overwhelmed with the house. That's no, that's no secret. As well as birthdays in the six weeks holiday. It's been a lot and something had to give. And unfortunately that was my job. Yeah. That was my station. I quit. That was my, I didn't quit. Just, you know.

No, my socials have taken a little bit of a back burner. Only because it's, I will always prioritize the family, always. And because I've had the babies home, I've been trying to make the house a home, trying to make sure that everyone's happy, again, fed the washing's on top of, the babies are enjoying their holidays, we're seeing everybody, we're doing everything we can. I kind of haven't been able to document it. And in a kind of a way, maybe not really wanted to,

because I feel like I'm really protective of this, our new house and our new adventure and what we're going through is kind of been like that thing, I've just wanted to keep to myself. Do you know what I mean? You know when you want to be a little bit secretive and just be like, oh, do you know what? I'm just so balls deep in this. I'm just going to soak it all up.

And honestly, I have been soaking it all up. I have been quiet because we have had some unfortunate news in the family, not our direct family outside of that, but it has affected my brother quite a lot. So I can't talk about it too much because it does make me insanely sad. But everyone is well, everyone is safe,

everyone is happy but I've just had to stand by my brother and support him as much as I can so everyone is okay but we've just been we've been processing a lot so yeah I am doing great and I feel very very blessed and very lucky and so yeah I do apologize I've been a little bit quiet normality will will resume yeah but we're just going through some things and I do feel like a private life is a happy life and also not everything needs to be shared and obviously it's not my it's not my information to share but yeah lots of love out to my brother yeah and his wife so yeah we are all fine and dandy we've gone back to school which can't talk about that because i'll fucking cry my eyes out do you know what i stupidly fucking the moment i dropped them off i was like

oh god i'm going to have to do this with readily soon like why am i torturing myself but they went in we had no tears i feel like it's the first year dots was like latest guys don't know what you're fucking sad of her. Colby went in. We did have a bit of a lead up with Colby. He had his normal couple of days of, I don't think my belly's good. And I've got a headache and my leg hurts,

my toe hurts, my heart. Anything was hurting. But he didn't cry. And then I definitely cried for the both of us in the car. And Chris is like, you're okay. This is me in the back of the car. Like, yeah, I'm really great. I'm really great.

It's just, I think because it's been so, it's been so full on the last six weeks. And I'm just, I'm filled with guilt that I moved in the six weeks holiday and it took a lot of our time. But they're all happy. Yeah. Everyone is really happy. They've settled in great. Their teachers are fantastic.

They've got wonderful friends. And yeah, I couldn't ask for any more. So, yeah, again, feeling very, very, very bliss. Oh, good. I'm glad it all went well. I mean, as well as it could. As well as it could. You know, as well it could.

I mean, it's only been the first week. Yeah. Don't speak too soon. Yeah. Anything could happen. Yeah, but we've got October half term soon, so you'll be fine. Yeah, I know. Now I'm just counting down for the next holiday.

I'm just ready for Christmas, really. It's Christmas in the new house. Six weeks away or something. I just be crying about the first Christmas in our new house. I know. You might be in, but do you think you'll be in by Christmas? I hope so. We should be.

Yeah, but you just don't know, do you? A few things have, like, come up. So we're just doing all that paperwork bullshit at the moment. We're in the thick of the paperwork. We're in the thick of it. Yes. We're in the thick of it. But no, all is great.

It's wonderful to see you. I know. You look radiant. And look what's here. I know. They said they've popped our colours a bit on the new artwork. I think what they said was they took some wrinkles out of my eyes. Eye bags.

Got those crows feet erased. Brined her up so she looks more human. They still haven't done what I asked them to do, which was to put some nail polish on my fingers. I really wanted some real big claws on you. Yeah. Like some real. Really big acrylics. Yeah.

And real pointy sharp. It would be like so out of style for me. Like everything else is so plain. And then I've just got these like vixen. With loads of, like, bows and, yes. Make me Chloe Jenna. Not Chloe Jenna. What's her name?

Kylie Jenna. Make me Kylie Jenna. Oh, good Lord. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can respond to what? Nothing, because I haven't even read my line.

You can share your secrets with us. Respond to what we've been talking about. Or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mumpod Or you can email us Hello at secret mumpod.com Right, are you ready?

Because it's time for the Correspondence Corner I've missed that. It feels like a lifetime. It feels good to be back. So Emma, let's hear it. All right, this one says, Hey, ladies.

Hello. I messaged back in July 2024 about potty training my daughter at four months old. Oh, shit, the best. This is so good. That was not a year ago. go we had big discussions about that well it must be because she's messaged yes quite well i haven't

been super strict i've always tried to sit her on the potty when possible she's now 16 months old and for the first time she brought the potty to me and pointed at her nappy i took it off and she did a poo stop it now okay so this is like renley and sadie's a little bit younger yeah i'm so incredibly proud of myself for pursuing this because now she's made a positive connection with the potty in her own time she can recognize when she needs it without any stress or fear i absolutely love the podcast it's been my saving grace as a first time mummy to esme lots of love Kaylee thank you so much that's amazing that is phenomenal I won't lie I tried it with renners when it was hot and I thought I'll just leave the nappy at the potty outside the potty is

definitely his crown yeah we just wear that on our head yeah and that's just what we do he did like a fluke one once didn't he he did two wees on it did two wees he does now so now he grabs his nappy because he obviously now knows that he's weeing so he's And when he's having a poo I say to him, have he had a poo-poo And he does like the Astor Prize That's so funny Sadie did that for the first time the other day

I said have you got She'd already done it obviously I said have you got poo in your nappy And she pointed to it Like so I think they're making the connection But God I wouldn't leave her without a nappy No I don't think I can with the new carpet I can't

Jesus Christ Don't risk it No no thank you We'll wear a nappy For as long as we get one No we won't We've got laminate flooring So I thought as long as I

But you've got to pen him into the kitchen I think two and a half was about right for Jojo. I'll probably do the same for saving. I think both of mine. I think Colby was the earliest. Cobby was two and then Dotty was about two and a half. But we have got the potty out and the potty is something that we are, he always sits on it. Yeah.

I'm like, that's a good boy. You go to Louise? But he'll say yes. So I'm like, are you going where? Is it? Yes. Are you doing poo? Is yes.

Have you got poop in your nappy? Yes. I don't know what they're talking about though. Like when I say to say to say to do you want a yogurt pouch, which I know the answer is yes. She goes, no. Oh, see, we're the opposite. Everything is yes. Renly says yes.

Then I say to him, do you want to fall out of that car door? Yes. Maybe he does. Do you want to go night nights? Yes. Oh, I will say update on the sleeping. Yeah. Phenomenal.

Is it? We're still, we're still. And do you know what now? He takes himself to bed and he lies next to his car and he goes, night night. Sadie started saying that night. And he says when he's downstairs and he's driving his eyes and he goes, oh, no, night. Yeah, it's cute, isn't it? Because he just wants to go to bed and then you put him up there and you just go to sleep.

Great, though. I love this age where they can start like communicating a little bit. Like when she's tired and she's had enough, she just goes, no, night. Oh. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, let's go out. That is amazing. Thank you, Kaylee so much.

So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. Right. We'll get into some of your secrets after this short.

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I'm William Norton. I'm Jordan North. And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the arbiter of etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh out loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love help I sexed my boss. Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday.

on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Just search, sext it. Be warned, it's a bit rude. We've got some secrets we're going to be discussing this week. Emma, let's have secret number one. Okay, this one says, hello, Secret Mum Club. I have a secret to share with you. Since our little Kobe was born, he's always been a heavy sleeper.

We had to stay in hospital for a week because we both had sepsis. Oh no, I needed a little. antibiotics. During that time, they monitored his feeds. Sometimes he wouldn't wake up and would go too long between feeds, so I set alarms to wake myself up so I could feed him. Once we were home, we had to carry on doing the same thing. So we never really experienced sleepless nights in those early stages. We even pretended to other parents that we were exhausted because we didn't want to come across as smug or make anyone feel bad. That is the right thing to do. There's nothing worse than hearing someone going, my child sleeps for 12 hours overnight, and you're like,

fuck you. Fast forward to now, he asked to go upstairs for his bath. and bed still loves a nap and occasionally even sleeps in until 7.30. We were so lucky I'd love another baby, but surely I won't get this lucky twice from Abby. No, you won't, Abby. You've been, you've fluked it. I would love to say you will, but you just don't naturally know she might. I hope you don't. Oh, I hope you do. Ying and yang here. I just want everyone else to be as tired as me. I don't think I was ever sad if anybody ever told me that they weren't like their baby was sleep and I'd be like oh well and I'd walk away from it be like oh well he's going to sleep one day but I actually quite enjoyed the um the getting up in the night no I'm joking I say it with a little

I'd put a watch on at like 2 a m get so much ahead of the game I mean I do find sleeping is not for me you're not bothered about sleeping like before kids I was someone who would have slept for like 10 hours a night like I love sleep but you do just adapt don't you do you do but I think go for the second baby I mean obviously yeah do it and also I think once you've done it once you're kind of But also they do follow suit in the sense of like the next baby might be maybe not straight away. But when they see their brother sleeping, they might just do it. I just think it totally depends on their temperament. I don't know because my friend, her two babies were very similar.

And I used to, again, there was only nine days between my friend's little girl, Callie and Colby. There was only nine days between them. And then she went on to have her second one. And the girls were very similar. Callie used to sleep loads and loads and loads. And I used to say to her, Cobby don't sleep, it's up all the night. And then, yeah, her second one did the same. Maybe it's like the vibes you put out as well.

That's what I mean. I feel like very relaxed. My children are wired. I don't know why. Have I got a clue? Or is it their temperament though? Does some babies just sleep more than others? Yeah.

You know? But that's phenomenal. That's really. I joke, Abby. I truly am happy for you. She is so much regretted teeth. No, I'm joking. Good for you.

Thanks, Abby. Thank you, Abby. so much. I love to Kobe. I hope he's doing well. Yeah. Okay, let's have secret number two. All right. It says, hi ladies. I listen every morning on my way to work. I have a 12 year old and a three year old. Our three year old was a very long awaited IVF baby.

The thought of her going to school next year literally makes me feel sick. She currently goes to nursery a few mornings a week and my mum looks after her otherwise while myself and her dad work full time. She took a while to settle into nursery, which she now loves. She's incredibly intelligent and very sociable but I just can't think about her starting

school without feeling ill. Does it ever feel normal when your baby's reached these milestones. Keep smashing life and keeping us all sane, Vicky. It never does. It never feels normal. Brenley is, what, 18 months? And you're already thinking about it? I'm vomiting in my mouth.

I cannot handle it. The sort of it. Because he's obviously 100% our last baby. Yeah. Just feel so, I can't, I can't process the feeling in my heart. I think it's hard for you because you know you're not going to do it again. No. Whereas like the thought of sending Joseph to school next year, because my whole feed for like a week

has been all my friends sending their back to school photos sending their little ones in some of them are older but some of them for the first time in their little uniforms and I've been like crying at the thought of sending Joseph in next year I'm like that's going to go so fast and it's going to be us sending him in his little uniform but part of me is excited for him because I feel like it's going to be good for him it's going to get on well and I know I've still got Sadie at home but I think when you do it for your last it's terrifying I feel like I went through this with Dotty and now I've got to literally officially do it for the last time it just it is hard i don't feel like it ever gets easier i mean i've just

put him in at year five and he's in year five god he's in year five do you know what's something i'm struggling with at the moment is my mind going back to how small colby was like a colby at renley's age and i think because dotty and colby were girl and boy i don't think i ever use the similarity as much as i'm using it with colby and renley you comparing them a lot yeah so much so obviously like some days i look at rennie and it i just and flooded with like little Colby. And then I said that, I think he's in year fucking five. He's year

five. Dotty's year two. They're five, year five and year two. Like, what the hell? And the next year is a huge year because we're applying for secondary school next year. What the fuck? I can't stop crying about that. And then they're going to be in school together. They're both being junior school. Oh, God.

And then I think that's the year. And then the lecture, you got to do the primary application for Renley. Well, he'll be in preschool, won't it? So that's it next year. He'll go year six. She'll be year three. And Renley will be going into preschool. I know.

Fucking hellie. So no, Vicki, I'm right there with you, darling. We can cry together because it's just too fucking sad. My sister did send me a funny meme the other day though. It was like a parody of like moms crying at the school gate and it was like the moms that are crying about sending their kids into school for like a morning settling in session when they've been in nursery 8 till 6 Monday to Friday since they were born. I was like, oh, yeah, that'll be me. I'll be like, oh, so sad to see you go, Joseph. Been literally just going to nursery for 10 hours a day.

Yeah, no, we did. We only did preschool, didn't we? So ours were either a morning or an afternoon, so it's only like three hours. Yes, yeah. He's going to be doing that when we go to Wales, but yeah, it just made me laugh. Oh, that's so true, though.

I barely see him anyway. We're like partnership, like me and his dad. Thank you, Vicki, so much. And I hope you're okay. It is a lot, and I want to say it gets better. But we are all in this together. We are. We are.

At least there's that. Yeah. Right, let's have our last secret. All right, this one says, Hi, Sophen, Emma. I just want to say, I absolutely adore your podcast. Oh, thank you.

It makes my long drive so much more enjoyable. I'm not a mummy yet, but I hope to be soon. I'm an auntie, a godmother, and a nanny. And I've worked with kids of all ages for nearly 10 years.

I find I can relate to so many of the stories. A few years ago, I was working in a creche with children aged one to three years old, so mispronunciations were pretty common. One day, during circle time, we were doing flashcards.

A picture of a clock came up. and immediately all the children started shouting, cock, cock, cock, cock, over and over again. Just at that moment, the manager of the crash walked in and had seven two-year-old shouting, cock at the top of their voices. I was mortified and thought I'd be fired on the spot, but thankfully my manager found it hilarious. Thank you so much for what you do, lots of love, Live from Ireland. Thank you, Liv. That is honestly my dream. It's just a walk in the, and there's just children swearing.

Shouting cock at you. Oh, gosh, so funny. Honestly, these are the things that you're just never going to forget. These are the funny things. I know. Never going to forget. But the problem is, is when it happens to you at home, and I remember with Colby, like, I was in the depth of, like, new toddler,

like new toddler life, never done it before. And the moment they swear, you just want the world to open up and swallow you because you're like, fuck, ah, shit, oh, oh, he's probably swearing because I'm swearing and you just feel so embarrassed, don't you? And then you go home and you sit on that information until your partner comes home. You don't want to tell anybody. But in fact, it's actually the funniest shit that could have so funny. Yeah.

And then you want them to do it again, don't you? Go on, let me record it, send it to your dad. This is the thing as well. I think, like, all the things they're doing now that we find, like, so funny and so endearing. Like, they're not going to be doing it for long. And they're going to grow up and they're going to change. And they're not going to find things as funny or they're going to learn the proper word. There was once a time that I used to be terrified of it, though.

But now with Reners, I'm just, I find it's hilarious. Yeah, just embrace it. Well, all three of them I did. I wasn't really somebody that was ever. embarrassed. I think the first time I happened I was a bit like, and then I was telling people and people found it funny. I was like, actually it's quite funny. Yeah. But now you're just

like, this is never going to happen forever. I know. It's when they start pronouncing things correctly, not the mis... I know. You just think, because you never want to correct them. It's so cute. I hope you call it a cock forever. Yeah. Call that tiki-toky on the wall. The thing that makes Liv's story better is that it was cock in Irish accents.

Like how... How cute. So cute. So cute. And them in unison as well as the manager walks in, oh my heart can't cope. Thank you, Liv, so much. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can.

The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you got a big cock on your wall? Or do you have a sleepy baby like Abby? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. are a new exclusive because we're not on a break. Play Friends, the one with Multidrop,

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I'm Jordan North. And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the arbiter of etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh-out-loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love, help I sex in my boss. Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday. On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.

Just search sext it. Be warned, it's a bit rude.