Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Dad Joke Off

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

The ladies are getting into the spirit of Father's Day with a little friendly competition and some light Dad-style humour. Plus, one listener shares her inspiring journey to becoming a mum through donor conception, proving there’s more than one path to building a family.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits today. I'm bad. All of your comments, sorts, questions and fun stories.

Keep you going through the weekend. Showy Jambon. We'll squeeze your bits? Yeah. Yeah, make sure we do an extra squeeze. I've missed it. I've got a bra on today, so there's like an extra barrier. Have you? Yeah.

I never normally wear a bra, but I thought, treat myself. But with an underwire? No, God, no. No. It's like a training bra. Are we wearing underwires now? No. No.

If anyone is, let's know. Is it more uncomfortable once you've breastfed to wear an underwire? My boobs are like constantly tender. Are they? I think that's just because they've been milked within an inch of their life. Or is that just an age thing? No. No.

It's been nearly a year that I haven't. What? But they're always a bit tender. Why have you never told us this? You knew I wasn't anymore. We knew that you were trying to wean her off of the baby. Oh God, no. She was 16 months.

You haven't given her. enough any update on this Emma Jones. God, sorry. Could you not tell by the size of monochus? Absolutely tiny. There's nothing left in them. No, they're like let down balloons now. Times two.

Mine are not. They can really, I can really get some swinging on mine. I can pinch the nips and really move them all around. Yeah, no, not anymore, but she hasn't stopped touching them. She still likes to put her hand down my top. Go on, girl. And now she can talk. She goes, I want boobies.

Oh. And I go, no. Shop's closed. No, you don't. Shops closed Yeah Milk bars closed Cease trading

Yeah No more Yeah there's a drought How is the talking stage For you We need to actually Yeah We need to catch up with

We need to wait for a main We're teasing you We're teasing you We're teasing you We're waiting Too much Too much We could have to catch up in the main

Right It's time for another Correspondence That was a bit better Without a delay Wasn't it That one was fucking awkward The other day

The singing I sounded like a robot I was like Oh I think that's being made into a social clip So keep your eyes out for that. It has. You're going to be in for a treat with that one. Right. Emma, take it away with

our first one, hon, I. Okay, this one says, hello beautiful ladies. Hello you beautiful ladies. I was listening to the episode with the listener who had found herself single, but still wanted another baby. So I was looking into I, uterine insemination. I'm glad you remember that. I was going to be like, let's all say it together. In gling, in what? In glade, ingleit. What? Into uterine insemination. Inter-inal uninal semenation. Yes, that one. Okay, we'll work on that. Thank you.

I'm a single mom to my three girls. I separated from my eldest daughter's dad while I was pregnant and did the single mom thing until my middle daughter was born almost four years ago. After that, I decided I never wanted to be in a relationship again for a long time, if ever. However, I knew I wanted more children. So I went down the route of finding a donor and amazingly, it worked first time. I now have a beautiful seven-month-old daughter called Dotty. Stop it!

Yeah. Oh. I've had a few comments asking why I would choose to be a single mum, but honestly, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. There's no disagreement over parenting styles, routines or decisions. I can simply do what works best for me and my girls. I don't think I'm done having babies yet and I would absolutely go down the same route again in the future. I just wanted to wish that listener all the best on her journey. Lots of love, Ellie.

That is absolutely power to the women. What an absolute babe. Oh my gosh. She's got a baby dotty as well. Baby dotty. Oh, a little baby dot. Do you love it when you hear that people have got like the same names, is it? I don't think it's because of my child.

No, but there's a lot of doties. But I love it when there's somebody that has the same name. Like if I meet another Joseph or Sadie, I'm like... Well, I've got my inflow rider, haven't I? I got my own little Safina. Exactly. I hope I meet her one day. I know.

You and me and you, same name? I don't think I can claim every Emma. No. But there are still baby Emma's being born. There is still baby Emmas. But I think we're going back to the older names, which is cute. Yeah. I really, really love that.

Yeah. But what an absolute woman. What a ledge. It's just so phenomenal, isn't it? And I hope the questions of what made you decide to do it on your own come from a place of like a good place. Yes. It would be a question I would ask. I'd be like, why did, what made you go down the bit of doing on your own?

Because obviously it is more unusual to see that. Of course. So I think people just are intrigued. They just want to know. They're not like, oh my God, why? What the hell are you doing? That's what I hope it's not. Because if I was to ask that question, it would come from a place of what a fucking

power out. Yeah. Like, oh my God, amazing, go you. Yes. Yeah. And then that be what was your, like, what made you. Yeah. Obviously, the ultimate reason is she wants more babies. Yeah. But the, the rule is that we just don't, I don't need a man. Yeah. To make it happen. Isn't that amazing that you can just, like, we never would have had this years ago. No. And now you're just like, I don't want to be in a relationship, but I want another baby and you can do it. On the flip side, the world is a very, very scary place. But also, how fucking phenomenal is it when you can do things. I. I don't know. like this. That's what I mean. It's wild, isn't it? I love it. It's so empowering. So empowering. You don't need to rely on someone else. And you know, them three girls are going to grow up with the strongest fucking mum ever. I know. I think three girls is just such a great dynamic as well. Emma would say that. She's one of three. It's just the best. Girlies. Yeah. Yeah. It is good. I do have a sister so I can kind of relate. Yeah. I just don't have three sisters. I do think it's a different. Although I think my brother would get down with the girls. He'll waxes.

Yeah. No, probably would. But I think it's a different dynamic when you have a boy in the mix. Like I think three kids in general is nice, but like Stefan's like, girl, girl, girl. Yes. And it's just different to my girl, girl, girl, girl. Yeah. It is different. And I think a girl boy-boy-girl dynamic is very different. To a boy-girl-boy.

To a boy-girl-boy, yes. And to a boy-boy-girl and a girl-boy. I mean, so many iterations. So many different variations. But every dynamic is really, really different. Yeah, it's so unique. But then when you meet another mum who has the same variations, like an older boy, middle girl and then a younger boy, there's so much you relate on.

Yeah. And then you think, okay, I'm not fucking mad. This is normal. Yay, I found my people. Yeah. But I love it. And I just think, what an incredible woman for them, them three girls to grow up and watch, the strength, the determination, the courage. Yeah.

The bravery. I just, I think you're an absolute babe, Ellie. Yeah. Go you, honey. And I hope this, I hope this makes other moms or, you know, other women wanting to be moms know that it's okay to just do it on your own. You can do it. Yeah. Yeah. And you come as a package.

when you are either separated from your children's, you know, fathers, or even, you know, even if you're a full-time parent and you're the dad of the relationship and you're the co, you know, you're the sole parent. It takes a lot to be that one parent, doesn't it? But then also when you are going to meet somebody else or if you're wanting to meet somebody else, you're a full package. Yeah.

You become that full package, don't you? It's either me and the children or... No one. Yeah. I'm afraid. Yeah. If you're not inviting the babies, I ain't coming. Do you know what?

You actually, toxic tract, I actually use that a lot. I say, are the children invited us as well? No, just thought we'd have a, like my friend asked me out for dinner the other night, and my sister was going and another couple of the other moms because I'm in the realm. Now I'm in the dance world. Oh, are you a dance mom? I'm now a dance mom. So I'm in the realm with going out with my sister and her friends.

And I feel very, very, you know, I feel very 16-year-old, Sophie. again? Yeah. I really tear some shit up here. But I got invited out for dinner the other day and my sister, are you going to come? And I'd add a bit of a rough week. And I was like, do you know what?

I'm going to sit this one out because I'm mentally not in the place to share the evening. But I did at one point go, are the children invited? Oh, can't come then, I'm afraid. Sorry. It's even me and the children are none of us. It's music to my ears when they're like, it's a child free event. I'm like, fan fucking tastic. I will leave them at home.

I don't want to say I'm using my children as an excuse not to go. But I am. It's quite a handful of things you don't want to go to though. I go, oh no, I can't. Got the kids. Yeah. Sorry. Well, thank you, Ellie.

And congratulations on baby doty. I hope the girls are doing great. Yeah. And settling into, they're both big sisters now. And I love that. Please keep us posted on if you're going, having any more, you know. Yeah. The podcast.

Sorry, I had a burp coming up then. Oh my gosh. I bet the older girls are loving it. I bet they're loving it. So thank you so much for your message today, Ellie. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or we're SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. After the break, we're joined by a special guest.

Tell me you don't read the script without telling me you don't read the script. Who's the bloody special guest? Welcome back. Now, we know it's Father's Day soon. And we couldn't let the day go by without doing a little something. So we have a little challenge to find out who has the funniest dad joke. Love a dad joke and we need someone to judge it for us. And there's only one man for the job.

The one and only, the PDC, is Chrissy, aka Pizza Dink. That's going to call me for life, babe. That's got us guy you for absolute life. Chris is actually on a new mission at the moment to be rating everything. I get him to rate my shopping halls. Oh, okay. So rate my dad jokes is like in theme. Yeah, we're going to rate our dad jokes.

Do you do anything for Father's Day because you famously hate Mother's? Day? Do we do anything for Father's Day, Chris, would you say? Do I ever make you feel special on Dad's Day? Yeah, we don't try to do much, do it? It's always big, isn't it? It's always big, isn't it? It's usually quite a chilled day, isn't it?

But then we're so much in the mindset of that we don't really celebrate holidays. We don't do Valentine's. We don't do Valentine's Day. We don't do Daddy's Day. Like, the babies get them cards and get him like little things, like socks and stuff like that. Yeah, classic sign for them. They like dinner, didn't they?

Yeah. We don't really do. Because otherwise it just gets expensive. No, you go out for dinner and it's, they ramp up the prices, don't they? They do. And it's not that we don't love you because we do. We just celebrate you every day. Daddy's day is every day.

Exactly. Do you do anything, Emma? No, but I have. No, of course I don't. It's me. Stefan's birthday was recently and he got a barbecue. Oh. So I have bought him an at-home burger kit for Father's Day.

So you're going to make him. Cook his own burger. Cook my dinner, bitch. Cool. I love that idea. I love it. Okay, are you ready with your jokes? Yeah, I am ready with the jokes.

Who would you say is the funniest in our house, Chris? Me or you? Me. Fair point. You asked me that it probably once a week. I would actually say we're on par. I'm pretty funny, though. Yeah, I'm not saying not funny.

I would like to ask the children, really. I think they find me funny. He's not saying not funny. I'm low-key funny. I'm low-key funny. I'd say funny things at the time time we go. with people's heads. Yeah.

Maybe that's because they're not funny. It's because they're not funny. That's what you're what it is. Who do you think is funny, are you so? That's what I thought you were going to say. Me? No, it's obviously me.

Would you say, would you say, would you say, would you say, call it a draw? Yeah, okay, do you want to go first? Yeah, do you want me to go first? Yeah, go on then. Right, okay. We've got our jokes here, Chris.

Are you ready? I'm ready, yep. Okay. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have cooked it. on HALOHA temperature. Oh God. Aloha temperature.

A lower temperature. I like that one. It's pretty good. Are we, are we, okay, we're not rating everyone. We'll do it at the end, right? At the end, yeah. At the end. Okay, are you ready?

Yes. What does a nosy pepper do? It gets halapeno business. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, I like that. Thank you. Halapeno. Halapeno business.

When I first read that, I was like, it gets jalapino business. I would have gone, it gets jalapeno business. What is that? Jalapeno. Right, you ready? I'm ready yet. I just learned that watermelons have big weddings

because they canterlope. Very good. It's so dry. Do you know what a cantalope is? Yeah, men. What have you? What have you? You've Googled these.

No, we haven't actually, Chrissy. These are our jokes. They're just from our brains. I can't just, I can't use my, what does the cheese say to itself in the mirror? Hello me. because you'll know that one. Can't give you all my content. You're all that type.

Exactly. I'm all out of my best ones, all right. Right, what's next? How do you follow Will Smith in the mud? Follow the fresh prints. Oh, clever. Thank you. That's good.

This is going to be tough. Oh, this is going to be tough. Right, you ready for my final, third and final? This better be a good one, size. This one is good. What did the grape say when it got stacked? on. Nothing.

It just allowed a little wine. That's the winner. For the finale, I've got to go ham on the end. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that? Oh, thank you. Okay. And finally, did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it.

No. Oh, my little laugh, that one. They're all pretty good. This is tough. It's tough. Mm. Okay. Well, you've got to call it.

You've got to call it. First of all, you need to rate us out of 10. Right. I'm going to say, oh, this is tough. I'm going to say a 7 out of 10 for 5th and maybe an 8 out of 10 for Emma. Oh, fuck off.

Fuck off. Yes. Oh, you dick. So I'm the winner? Yeah, I guess you're winner. Sorry, sorry. Oh, thank you, Chris. Guess who's eating cold porridge for dinner to dinner today?

Daddy there. Yeah, no lunch tomorrow for you. The engagement. You didn't think about this. You didn't think about it. I've got one for you. I've got one for you, actually. Oh, go on then.

I'll give you one. Yeah. It's not because it's not really long like Uncle Jammies. No, no, no, no. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Go on. Great food, no atmosphere. It's pretty much like the house tonight when we get home.

No atmosphere. No food and no atmosphere. What's the best part about living in Switzerland? Go on, don't I. I don't know, but the flag is a big cost. You need to know about flags. that one. The flag is a who? A big plus. Their flag is like a... I was wasted on me.

That's rubbish. How did you make a tissue dance? Blow it. Put a little boogie in it? Ah, you knew that one, yeah. Yes, that one's true. Chris, they're actually two out of ten. You scrape the barrel on them. Yeah. They're awful. Mine are worse and yours. Yeah, sorry. Yours are worse. Your are worse. Oh, well, we appreciate you. Thank you, Chris. You need to eat all day, okay, because otherwise you're not eating too. Yeah, I've, um... I've already put my mattress out in the shed tonight. Oh, good. Well done. I wondered why you was in the shed

actually. But happy father's day to you. I love you. Love you too. And I love you too. And I love you. And you. Be in a bit. Bye-bye. Oh. Didn't say it back. That was like when you tell someone you love them and they just go, I know. Oh, and you. Thank you. Do you have any dad jokes? Then do let us know. You can email us. Hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the secret mom club.