Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Defecated Baby

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

We're getting hit with some more classic Dottie truths this week, as a trip to the Zoo turns awkward. Both ladies have updates to give this week, Emma shares how her babies are getting on and Sophiena is back with more from the doctors!Plus your secrets are as outrageous as ever with cleanliness being questioned and we're getting down with the trumpets out in the wild! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Right. Oh, go on. Welcome to Monday's episode. Are we recording? Yeah. Oh, God. Sorry. Hello. This is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for you to share your burps. That wasn't the line that we were going for. Your burps. That wasn't the line that we were going for. This is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to burp and share our secrets. Because we all have wind, don't we?

Just Soph burped at the top of the episode. I'm really hoping Maz keeps it in. The real belch, isn't it? Because sharing is caring. You don't even have to that's not my line and as we know oh i go on you go from there do you want to know the relief this is our last episode at home thank god what a way to end this one what a way to end it absolutely fucking shit up going out on a low guys going out on a low, guys. Going out on a low.

All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! How's your week been? Have you got an update on little Renly James? Yes, I have got an update on Renly James. He is back to pooing normal. Oh, thank God. I was so relieved. The diarrhea is not diarrhea-ing no more.

Was a little bit of a whirlwind of a week, to be honest with you, because we had to do a bit of a change up on the milk situation. Because I was adamant the milk was just causing him absolute gut rot. And a mother's intuition is never wrong yeah um so yeah we had a little bit we took on uh we tried the aptamil lactose free milk and that instantly instantly stopped the shit one bottle and the shit stopped that's unbelievable isn't it wild no wonder it's so fucking expensive it's unbelievable, isn't it? Wild. No wonder Abdominal's so fucking expensive. It's fucking magic, isn't it?

Let's be honest. So we stopped that. And the reason we stopped this is because we were on Kendamil formula and Renly had horrendous shits. Like we, 38 shits. He had 38 shits in one day. Whoa.

Isn't that mental? And I said to the doctor and the doctor tried to tell me that that was normal no excuse me excuse me here would you like to shit 38 times a day i think the fuck not that's like once that's what like a couple of times an hour nearly i was literally i would pick him up he'd shit let I could hold him up and he'd just shit. Just poo was running out of his bum. It got to the point his bum was bleeding. It was that sore because he was just, he was just pouring out of his bum. So basically we thought that the Kendamil was maybe too rich for him. So we decided to give the, because again, Colby was lactose free,

decided to give the lactose free milk and it instantly changed. So was that, that was the, that was it? That give the lactose free milk and it instantly changed so was that that was the that was it that was the solution that was the solution i do think i still think there's some other things like he's still arching his back a little bit and he's still painful his tummy's rumbling i did go to the doctor and spoke to the doctor and i said look i think we need a hypoallergenic milk i think just like colby i think he's struggling with more than just the lactose side of things um and the doctor and this was the second doctor i saw which was the first doctor who first prescribed the laculose when he was constipated i went back for a second opinion and he said he did a telephone appointment he was like safina why am i going to question you

you are the mum you're living with him every day you've also been through this before who am i to question you if you need the milk he gave me a week's supply of milk and just said just give it a try that's what you want to hear isn't it not what the other doctor told you not the other doctor who just wouldn't sit down she's god bless her up you know i'm not here to i'm not here to bash or put up or put anyone down it was just kind of a bit like a an unfortunate situation the first time around yeah but we basically have done the lactose free milk and he said just see how that milk goes because again it's two to three weeks really before it starts working so we've done we're going to just stick with the lactose free milk at the moment see how he goes and then if that doesn't work out or we still think

he's struggling a little bit then i've got a week supply of neocate great that i'll be able to use was that the one though that you were saying is like how much is it 40 pounds so for me to buy online i bought it online the other day and it was 42 pounds to have it delivered to the house it's if you buy it on you can buy it online which I didn't realize I couldn't when I had was I had Colby I couldn't buy Neocate anywhere it was only prescription prescription only and it was like £58 a tin it was costing us to not costing us but obviously the the the doctor prescribed it to us but us to buy it would have been like that the doctor told us like 58 pound but now you can buy online and yet cost us 42 pound to buy a tin the other day

and we put him on it we tried him on it and he takes the milk great so i said to chris the worst thing is is i don't want him to not take it and then the doctor gives us a week's worth of prescription so he has been taking it but i just want to stay with that i'd rather stay with the aptamil lactose because i still want him to have that little bit in his diet you know yeah to not completely remove it that's working and is that one cheaper as well no no it's so well it's yeah of course it's sorry i should say it's cheaper it's more expensive than the normal yes the normal formula by the shelf so it's it's £15, but it's only 400 grams, whereas the normal formula is 800 grams. Oh, wow.

So it's like double the price. Yeah. So I'll be spending £30 to get the equivalent of the same pot, whereas you can buy a cow and gate for, I don't know, I think they range from 10 to 15 pound, 800 grams. I'll be spending 30 pounds. And you know, he, he, he did offer to put the lactose milk on prescription for us. Um, and I just, you know, I, you know, I've got to buy it anyway. I've got to buy it for, I buy it from Tesco's as to sell it, but I just, I have to buy it anyway.

So I was just a bit like no I don't want it on prescription and I said about it on Instagram and so many people bless them was like no take it on prescription I just thought you know what it's not it's not what it's not worth the argument it's not worth the argument so at the moment but then I have had some really insane advice this week like people have given me such incredible advice so um we have him on the lacto aptamil lactose at the moment lactose free sorry but also i believe that cut don't quote me on this but i believe comfort milk is also a broken down lactose so it's got different yeah it's not as much lactose in it and it's also got a broken down protein in it.

Because I ideally don't want to take it all out of his diet completely. Because now poor Colby really struggles with it. Because we completely removed it. We didn't put it, introduce it back in until he was one. And I don't kind of want to do that with Renly. But obviously there's not a lot you can do if they are allergic or intolerant to it. It's just one of those things that you've got to live with so we're doing our best and we'll get there in the end it's not it's not just a quick fix process unfortunately and you do need the milk to just take its time it does need two to three weeks it is a it is a process it's

a long journey um and I feel like if anybody else is going through this or is struggling go with your gut listen to your own mind trust your instincts trust your intuition and um just give it time because it is a little bit of a it's a little bit of a process the formula sitch yeah i'm glad you got there with it because that sounded frankly horrendous how's the sleep is he still doing like six hour stints at night we were we were just i think where he's a little bit coldy he just really really wants like last night and the night before he just really wants a hug he just really he's a really really cuddly baby and he just really really wants a hug but we took him to the zoo at the weekend he didn't even have a clue he was fucking yeah i took pictures of him at the zoo um just all pictures of his eyes closed

he had no idea he was there. We got home, literally got home, and he woke up. And the babies were literally like, Renly, you should have been to the zoo and you didn't even know you was there. We saw hippopotamuses. We took Sadie to meet her, so my friend who had a baby at the same time, Phoebe. We took them for their big first meet the other day. Wow. She didn't open her fucking eyes the whole time.

Didn't even know she was there. Isn't it the funniest thing as well? Do you know what, right? When I did this, you probably were the same. When you do this with your first baby, you take them to the zoo and you get all these lovely pictures and you just think it's the cutest thing. And then you show them pictures like i show colby pictures now and he's like why did you take me to the zoo when i wasn't even awake yeah but you feel you do feel like you've got to get out of the house and do stuff with them don't you like you feel like

you want to make an effort even though they've got no fucking clue where they are basically don't feel cray cray you get to that zoo or that day out and you take pictures of your baby sleeping regardless because yeah it's a hoot when you look back on it because yeah once for the memories yeah dotsy said so colby was like he couldn't even didn't even have his eyes open he was asleep and she went yeah and even if he had his eyes open his eyes can't even focus he's just like this i was like right is he a bit cross-eyed at the moment because sadie might be permanently cross-eyed because she barely opens her eyes oh god bless her no i know i think where really had a little bit of a trauma to the eyeballs i think his eyes are just a little

bit more sensitive than right like like the other babies at this stage if babies at this stage just had pure daylight to their eyeballs from day one i think wherever he had like two weeks of being under that light yeah and wearing his little shades i just don't think he's very good with having them open but he gets lots of wind so when he does have his eyes open he'll just go like this and then you'll just see vomit come out of his mouth it kills dotty she like she finds it so funny but they're so funny aren't they these little these little aliens these little tiny people but how's your week been we need an update on jojo this week how's he doing how's he coping

do you know what he's not coping great oh jojo he's having oh bless you people keep saying like my friends that have got two kids are like it gets easier don't worry I'm like when I know we're only we're only what four or five weeks five weeks in probably by now um and I do feel like we're seeing small improvements every day every week he's getting a little bit more used to the situation but um he's still just definitely like not he's not as he was before he was pretty chill happy-go-lucky I mean he's stubborn as fuck obviously he's my child um and he's strong-willed like if he doesn't want to do something like everything has to be on his own terms but yeah he's I'd say he's making me and Stefan pay for having another baby for sure i feel like we weren't we we shouldn't have expected anything other from our little jojo i know like he is he

is the most strongest world out of the out of the five children i would say jojo is the strongest yeah i do you know what i can't wait for the day that jojo and dots meet oh my gosh like i feel like it's going to be like a battle of the battle of the children battle of wills it'll either be a match made in heaven or a match made in hell hell i just think that as hard as it is to say i don't want to sit here and say to you it's going to get easier because i would be a fucking wanker for saying that i just think every child is different and i just think you're doing the best thing. You just got to give him his time.

He'll come around when it is. Who fucking knows? He might never come around to it, let's be honest. He might fucking hate you forever for doing this to him. I keep saying to him, are you going to be friends with Sadie when you're older? Are you excited for her to be able to play with you? And he just goes, no. He is a savage.

The other day, because we've just started trying to give her the dummy to be honest i don't think she likes it she keeps spitting out but she had it in the other day but because joseph still has a dummy and that's like his thing he just kept walked right up to her and just pulled it out of her mouth no the dummy's my thing i think you'll find and what what are you how how do you, not that I'm questioning your parenting at all, I love to know these things. How are you dealing with it?

Because I want, if somebody was to sit and listen to this now, I would love somebody to, if somebody's questioning, like, oh, I wonder what she did in that scenario. What did you do? I mean, you try and do all that gentle parenting stuff, don't you? Stuff that you see on, I follow a lot, I get a lot of good't you stuff that you see on i follow a lot i get a lot of good um advice on instagram actually i can follow a lot of good parenting accounts so i try and obviously do all of that but there are times when it really tests your patience and

you just have to be like oh my god just like eat this dinner or just like yeah do what i'm asking you to do yeah just do it yeah just do it but I um see Colby used to take Dottie's dodos out but I started like if Dottie would cry I would say to Colby oh no Dottie's crying why don't we see if we can make her happy and give her her dodos so then he used to take her dodos and put it into her mouth and he used to go ah Colby made Dottie stop crying and he used to go oh colby made dotty stop crying and he used to get a real sense of satisfaction out of helping the baby so i um that's the only thing that the only thing i would say is maybe does he does he like to be involved i used to make colby be involved i used to be like can you grab mummy the nappy yes we do try to involve him with like nappy changes bath time and he does he has started like you know if she

cries he's like oh baby needs milk baby needs feeding or baby needs a nappy so he's he is starting to understand stuff and I also feel like he likes it if I give him a bit of power over the situation so when I know she needs feeding I say oh I think the baby needs feeding is that okay if I feed her now because he doesn't like it when I get my boobs out yeah um so I say is that okay I'm gonna feed her now is that is that all right and he'll say I mean obviously I'm gonna do it anyway but he'll say yeah and then I feel like he likes the fact that he I've given him a little bit of control over that situation so yeah we're trying all the things but I'm not gonna lie like on a on a serious note like I am a little bit worried that he could hurt her because he doesn't understand the consequences of his actions.

I don't think he understands that he could hurt her and he does sometimes lashes out when he's in a situation where I think he feels like he's got no control. Yeah. And I think I'm having like a nice moment with them and he'll just do something really impulsive like punch her in the head. And I'm like sorry i know i know i know you're a toddler and that to you is like funny and like exhilarating to have like power in that situation but also i'm like if i if i took my eyes off them for like a second or i had to leave the room he could really cause some damage because he's a big lump as well so I'm a little bit like concerned about about that but yeah look I think we're getting there millions of people have done it before me

I'm sure I'm sure it'll be fine but it's just it's been a little bit of a trying time I'm not gonna lie yeah and I think Colby also was uh he was um he was like all day in nursery as well so i think it was a little bit easier for me because i didn't have them together on their own yeah all day so i know joseph goes to doesn't he goes a couple of days to nursery but colby was in there monday to friday yeah five three to five not gonna lie the days the days that joseph's in nursery all day, I'm like, thank the Lord. Because I need that break. He does still do, he still does four days with us, three days at nursery.

So, you know, he's still getting to see plenty of us. I didn't want him to feel like, oh, we had a new baby and then we just like shipped you off to nursery full time. But honestly. That's what I literally did with Colby. Dottie came and I put him in full-time nursery. There's nothing wrong with that because you need that break. And also I feel bad for the little one.

Like you do need time to bond with your new baby as well. And they obviously don't get as much attention as your first because you just can't do it all. So, you know, she needs time with us as well. Yeah. And that's what I think we used to explain to Colby is that we need to have time with Dottie. Like she needs to have time like Colby had time when he was a baby and it and it's hard you feel really stupid and i

know that there's going to be people out there that's listening to this and i know how hard it is to talk to a two-year-old or a three-year-old and then not understand but i promise you i used to feel like oh i'm just talking to myself but instead of talking to myself i used to talk at colby so i used to talk at him you probably did the same with Joseph but I used to say to him like and I used to be like he doesn't understand what I'm saying but I feel better in my mind that I've explained to him and I've said it to him so that I can always go back to that so I used to say to him and he used to look at me like yeah sure mum no I think I all jokes aside they're taking him more than you think more than yeah yeah

i think that's my point that's what i was trying to get at so i think they take him more than what we realize yeah but don't ever feel silly to not not talk to them yeah because i i do truly believe there's little sponges and they take so much of that they do and he does mention the baby now like when you know in like play or whatever it always used to be like mummy daddy and jojo and now he does always say a mummy who's going mummy daddy jojo and normally baby but sometimes he says sadie but normally he just calls her baby and i hear him when stefan wakes him up in the morning oh bless you he he does the first thing i ask stefan always is where's mummy and baby gone so you know he does at least acknowledge her existence even if he hates her that is that's

huge win though that's a huge win from where we've been at last week yeah so even when you take it week by week isn't it funny like because i think now we're going to look back on this as like our digital diary yeah as to how far we've come so like now from last week to this week there's been a huge step joseph's taken a massive step yeah wow sadie baby and it's all just a moment in time isn't it it is yeah it is there we go it's just very it's just very stressful for you yeah and when you're in it you feel like you can't see the wood for the trees but you know like i say we're only four weeks in and we know that these things fly past so we'll be and we'll be all right you feel like you're the only one in it don't you you feel like why am i the only one whose children don't like each other yeah i would

say now i'm in a situation where my children don't like each other really i'd say now this is the most difficult situation now they fight over the baby and dotty's like i can make the baby laugh and you can't because you're not funny and then colby's like i am funny mom tell her i'm funny and i'm like to be honest you are actually you actually do struggle to find things funny and you don't to be honest no you don't have a great sense of humor he doesn't really like he doesn't really like a practical joke or anything he doesn't like to be laughed at so you're sat there like well actually you're not yeah no but it's really hard at the moment they're very bickering at each other and they're also bickering at um uh they're also bickering over the baby it's just it's never

easy is it it's never easy no and then i did have a little moment last night where i did cry because i don't actually know what this whole this whole thing is going on with what's his name richie richie richie or rishi rishi sunak Sunak is it Rishi Sunak um yeah people are telling me I keep seeing all these things on the prime minister yes I should know his name he's the prime minister I keep seeing loads of things on my social media at the moment it's freaking me out so I did actually spend a lot of my evening last night um how to homeschool my children oh not this again I'm back there again yeah i'm back there again and then i wake up this morning to everybody it was like an episode not an episode you know like home alone

when they're all rushing to go to the airport yeah that was me this morning we were so fucking late we were so fucking late and then i was like homeschooling my fucking ass I'd be more scared for them being at home, to be honest. What? Yeah, just with me. Who's your teacher? My mum. Safina? Yeah. They'll be like, mum, please, can we go to school, please? Emma and I really want to hear from you.

Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mum Pod, or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. And it's time for the Correspondence Corner.

That truly will be the last one that we have to do from our house. Oh shit, we haven't even told you. Oh yeah. This is the last one. This is the last one from home. Praise be. We're going to be back together, reunited in the studio with the babies. With the babies.

Godspeed. We haven't really spoken about it because we knew it was coming, but we weren't really allowed to say, or not that we weren't allowed to say, we were allowed to say, but we just weren't sure when. Yeah, we just weren't sure when, but we're testing the waters. We're going to test the water and be back in the studio next week. We can't promise we'll be any better because still like baby brain,

but at least we won't have these crazy delays. There'll be more breasts and bottles. That's all I can say. Not my breasts, Emma's. And who doesn't want that? Who doesn't be more breasts and bottles that's all i can say not my breasts emma's and who doesn't want that who doesn't want more breasts right emma hit us with number one all right this one says hey ladies i'm listening to the podcast while i'm writing this and so if i can confirm that phantom kicks last forever my youngest is nearly 10 and i still get them it's the weirdest feeling but makes me say ah every

time from Sarah you see you didn't believe me well no I only had it like really immediately after having the baby like once my bump had gone like that was basically it but you were saying you still had them years down the line literally five years after before I fell I used to say to Chris like even like a month before having fallen pregnant with renly i used to say to i could say to him like i'm feeling kicks in my tummy crazy and we used to joke imagine there was a baby in there imagine it would be so fun it was such well to be fair it's fun now i wouldn't say the pregnancy was very fun for me if i'm honest with you but no we're here now you had a bit of a rough one didn't you it's okay It's one to remember, I say.

Yeah. It's basically like a distant memory now. Like I'd happily just do it again. You do. You forget, don't you? You forget all about it. Go, girl. Go, go.

Go get that wind. I could do with Sadie getting one of those up. Listen to your Auntie Soph. Do one like that. All right, we've got another email here. This one says, hi, ladies. Congratulations to you both for your recent additions. Thank you. up listen to your auntie soph do one like that all right we've got another email here this one says hi ladies congratulations to you both for your recent additions thank you thank you loved hearing about your experiences giving birth this time around i've had three children and every birth

was completely different for my first in 2009 my daughter got distressed and had a poo in the womb my waters were green so i ended up on a drip to progress labor. That happened to me as well. The, um, what do they call that? Meconium. Yeah. Yeah. She says my second was in 2011 where I went to the hospital at about 6pm, 9pm came and I still wasn't three centimeters dilated. So the nurse went off to complete the discharge papers. After 10 minutes, I said I really needed to poo and i thought the baby was coming so she checked and i was 10 centimeters dilated and she could see the baby's head five minutes and one push later daughter number two arrived you felt like you needed a big poo didn't you i did i did i thought i had diarrhea but it wasn't it was just the that you wanted to just get out it was that

you'd had enough you just wanted out out thought i had diarrhea but it was i did i did have diarrhea as well though i did have diarrhea and a baby and baby yeah she says baby number three in 2015 was when i was due to go out for a valentine's meal with the hubby the baby's heart rate was a bit erratic so i ended up being monitored for a while suddenly my temperature spiked and baby's heart rate rocketed all of a sudden the room got very busy and i was rushed into an emergency c-section i had suffered a placental abruption and during surgery had lost two-thirds of my blood oh my god but my baby boy was born at 8 20 p.m and went to the special care baby unit as he was four weeks early i didn't meet him for 16 hours after surgery and i had to have a blood transfusion before being

allowed to leave I am living proof that every baby and birth is different and special in their own way lots of love to you both Sarah oh my gosh wow you've experienced it all wow that is a huge one I knew the moment she said her temperature spiked when she said the baby the baby's um heart rate was erratic and then her temperature spiked instantly knew that was a placenta eruption i did exactly the same in labor with dot so i had her uh just as i was about to push her out i just literally felt like i was going to pass out i went so hot so sweaty her heart rate was going mad and i was just like something's just not right and then that was it she was out um and my placenta

erupted in labor so what does that mean does it mean like it just just crumbled there was just nothing yeah yeah it was just it was just nothing i had to do mine was more like trauma afterwards i think so i had to after the birth i couldn't get out of my head that i thought if i'd left it any longer she wouldn't have been here and she wouldn't because they wouldn't have got her out wouldn't have got her out quick enough um and that just I just struggled with that for a really long time after having Dottie but basically when she came out and they were doing all my checks on her and everything like that they were trying to pull the placenta out TMI um and it was just coming out in bits yeah yeah wow did you see it yeah she pulled it she pulled it all out um i'd have a blood

transfusion and and things but it wasn't definitely wasn't as traumatic as renly's no yeah but that's god bless you sarah you are a hero wow my friend who had um a baby a really similar time to me had which i'd never heard of before which is apparently quite common is that her placenta didn't come out oh oh yeah when they shot it in the leg yeah and even that was meant to get it going and it didn't come out she had to go into surgery and have a spinal and get it removed I'd never heard of that before I have heard of that I think the fear of that I think I think that was one of my fears is what if the placenta doesn't come out and I think the the hardest bit is as you go through you go through childbirth and you push the baby out and then your placenta doesn't come out

and you go to theatre anyway I think did it happen with you and Joseph wasn't it you go through all of that labour and then they rush you to theatre for an emergency and I just feel so bad you've done all of that work for them to just go do you know what we're going to take you to theatre now and just take the baby out and you just think, oh. I know. I was actually relieved after all of the, like the pain of the contractions actually. Like I was very happy to do it.

But I know for some people that's a real mind. Head fuck. Head fuck. Especially if you've really had your heart set on a vaginal birth. Yeah. Thanks, Zara.

So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together

and we know that we are. We're all stars and even Sadie's singing with us. Yay! She was more in tune than us. She's more in time than us. Each week, we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the secret mum club so here's my secret of the week go on one i don't think i ever ever wish to live

ever again i should have sped that up a bit no i don't ever wish to live i do every day i live every single day um so let's paint the scene shall we we've gone for a nice family day at the zoo it's our first family day as a five it was a little bit of a crazy morning trying to get stuff done I'm back on my running and I've been running so I've been out for a run I come home put a wash on sort out the house sort out the bag sort out snacks got to the zoo we got to the zoo about 11 30 and I thought oh that's good because i can miss all the rush of like the queue um and just go and just go into the zoo so we're going into the zoo and we met some really really lovely people it was just me and dot we'd been to the toilet we walked away from the toilet and this lady was like oh i must

stop you and say that i absolutely love love um love your tiktoks and love love follow you on instagram and i listen to the podcast so i just would like to preface by saying i'm incredibly sorry incredibly sorry um she didn't say much say you look like shit but she was like oh you're looking well but you do look really really tired we had like this lovely conversation and she was like oh you're looking really well like you're doing great she's like bless you you're out and you're doing all this and you do look you do look tired to which dotty went you would be tired if you shit a baby out of your bum she's not wrong she's not wrong i've never there's many a times i've wanted the the earth to open up and swallow me but the lady said nothing i don't know if she's gonna listen to

the podcast anymore i don't even know if she she may have unfollowed me by now uh and honestly don't blame her she literally just turned around said no words and just walked away to which dotty said oh my goodness mommy did i say something wrong i love her i love her you didn't say anything wrong i said you you were you were really honest she was like but you you do you do look like shit because you have pushed a baby out of your bum so yeah and chris wasn't there i had no one there for moral support it was just kind of like uh we've just got to accept what's happened and we're just gonna have to move on from this

wow my daughter literally told a complete stranger that i shit a baby out of my bum i mean obviously she's got the she's got that a little bit wrong but i love how she just always has your back that girl she's my ride or die it's wood bonnie and clyde sadie yep take it for the girls i say take it for the girls team girl um who run the world um so yeah that was that was my secret this week i didn't really know what i was meant to do i didn't know if i was meant to be angry that she'd used shit but she just used it so so perfectly eloquently i love it she's such she's such a vibe isn't she it was the fact that i did it just she thought of it so quickly she just thought processed through her little brain and gone well you would look like shit if you shit a baby out your butt do you think she's

getting confused because there was like a lot of poo chat in your in your labor having a fucking clue but i shit a baby out of my bum i'm just saying front bum back bum whatever bum you want to look at it i shit a baby out she may have unfollowed us by now if you are here and you are listening welcome let us know follow it you guys and i'm i do i do i do apologize i am i wanted to apologize to you at the zoo but i didn't see you i didn't see you i didn't see you again so that's my secret this week next we'll be hearing some of yours on the secret mom club this is the secret mom club the safe space for you to share your secrets and we've got three secrets for you this week that we're going to be discussing so emma hit us with number one sorry i know i know i know i was trying to get

involved didn't she come on right this one says hi ladies i just listened to an episode with a secret about kids getting bumps and scrapes so i wanted to share mine i put my son in his little bouncer chair when he was a few weeks old i had had a little lay down on the sofa, but I dozed off. Now, this baby should not even be moving, so it should be fine, right? Wrong. I awoke to find him curled on the floor, still asleep like a little prawn. I hadn't heard crying or anything, so presumably he just moved in his sleep and gently slid out. He was fine and slept through it.

However, at the time, the guilt and panic i called the midwife out to look him over and was sobbing all day about it oh we're all human and the bumps and bruises are character building keep going mums you got this julie from mexborough wow where is mexborough i don't know i feel like it's in the uk but i don't know where um we were just literally talking about that because emma was ignoring Sadie in her basket. You might have heard during So Secret of the Week that I was ignoring my baby and leaving her to cry. No, I don't. I would just caveat that by saying I don't believe in crying out. I just tried to put her down for five minutes and I left her. And then when I picked her up, she'd been sick. So I felt like a terrible mum.

and then when I picked her up she'd been sick so I felt like a terrible mum and then I said I felt like a terrible mum because I didn't wake up this morning when Renly was crying what are we like to be fair though I'd done like I'd done a long stint till he'd wake until like he'd been awake a lot of the evening last night so I finally got to sleep I checked my fate at 10 past four and fell to sleep but then this morning when Renly woke up i didn't wake up to him crying chris and renly chris and renly were in the front room chris had a lilo stitch blanket over him and i was like are you okay he's like i'm freezing i'm freezing i was like why did you get out then he's like renly was crying and you didn't wake up it's hard it's hard when you're so tired oh it tickled me but I am I Julie did the bouncy chair thing as well I think I spoke about it on the podcast before but genuinely traumatized because

I stupidly left the bouncy chair on a table and I just caught Joseph as he was tipping himself out of the chair and off of the table which honestly made me feel so bad the guilt he was fine everything was fine that panic and I never did it again the panic just makes you want to vomit doesn't it yeah I cried he cried it was terrible and then the other night I woke up in the middle of the night and Renly was asleep in the bed. It was safe all around him. There was no pillows or anything, but I put him into the bed, obviously, and nodded off. But you wake up and you just think, fuck, fuck. Yeah, that's hard when they're brand new and you're literally like first day out of the hospital and you're holding them to sleep at night.

And you wake up with that panic and that cold sweat like, shit, where's the baby? Did I put them down? Oh, my God. god no i fell asleep with him in my arms like oh oh the fear the fear anywho uh let's hit number two this one says hi sophie and emma my husband's best friend married my best friend so we've always done holidays together and we were so excited when they decided to buy the house seven doors from us knowing our kids would get to grow up together a door one day while i was cleaning the house her daughter came into the kitchen crying and i asked what was wrong she said she was upset that they finally lived next to us and now we were moving i asked her why she thought we were moving and she said well my mummy only cleans when we're moving house i've not been able to bring myself to

tell my friend yet but it makes me laugh every time i'm mopping the floor joanne from glasgow said well my mummy only cleans when we're moving house i've not been able to bring myself to tell my friend yet but it makes me laugh every time i'm mopping the floor joanne from glasgow wait so were they actually moving so were they actually moving or did she just never clean where has this come from she must have said it at one point oh because they moved they moved into the seven doors down so she must have cleaned the old house to say we were moving yeah to the new house so i need to know whether they're actually moving though no i don't think they are i think she's just mopping the she's just mopping the floor she's cleaning the house imagine saying to the

children we're mopping because we're moving and then every time you mop the floor they associate that with moving house moving house every bloody week so yeah we need to know are they actually moving imagine they were moving they didn't tell you that would be savage wouldn't that that would be really sad yeah this is a this is a little bit like um me and my friends who i was saying who had baby phoebe our lives have like mirrored each other in a similar way like we got engaged at the same time married at the same time we had our oldest children at the same time second children at the same time both uh boy first girl second our girls both weighed the exact same at birth i know it's getting weird and they just live down the road our friends are like what is going on this is very that's i don't

know is that not you know when people say that there's other people out there that live exactly your life parallel lives parallel lives yeah yeah so imagine your parallel life is your friend yeah it's weird isn't it and we both were pregnant with the girls when we got back from a joint holiday in france so now my mum's convinced we're all swingers i was about to say are you swingers how funny that come into my head before you said that are you swingers yeah we came back pregnant so obviously everyone was like hello so you were having sex in the same house at the same time all four of us no not really not really that was a whole lot of pizza dicking and itchy legs.

We draw the line at that. We draw the line at sharing dicks. Right, let's have the last secret, shall we? Hi, ladies. I recently listened to the episode where the lady spoke about... What? Queefing. I wasn't ready for that word. Queefing during yoga.

Oh, yeah. Do you remember that one? Yeah. Yeah. That's a throwback, isn't it? That. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that one? Yeah. Yeah. That's a throwback, isn't it? That is a throwback. That was a while ago. Well, the other night

I decided to sign myself up for a new yoga class that was only down the road from home. Then I remembered the episode. All I kept thinking about before and during was don't fart,

don't fart, don't fart. The class was pretty full and halfway through the class a lady let rip. The loudest fart in the world echo in the room i could not hold it together or stop giggling to myself and i accidentally said out loud get down with the trumpets yeah yeah do you think i'll be allowed back next week love you ladies christina if they don't let

you back next week i mean to be fair it wasn't you that actually passed wind yeah that's why that's where i thought that was going so it's actually although did the lady own up to her farting or did we don't actually know in the room who it is because it could have could have been anyone i would have just played it off and be like, fucking hell, who fucking started? I think by saying get down with the Trumpets, it made people think it was you. Imagine somebody went, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I would. If I was there, yeah, yeah. That would have been such an icebreaker to let people know that you listen to the podcast. Oh, you've become a catchphrase, Saif. I love that for you. Thank you.

Thank you. What can I say? I'm an icon. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome on the Secret Mum Club. And if you want to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram.

Have your trumpets been called out in yoga? Or is your child out in your cleaning schedule? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. And keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.