Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Do's & Don'ts

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

We’re mixing things up this week while we recover from the half-term chaos! This one’s all about you, as Soph and Emma dive into your questions - from the so-called do’s and don’ts of parenthood to a little peek behind the podcast curtain. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you tired of being told to pipe down pet, calm down love, or worst of all, get a grip? Oh it just gets us so riled up even thinking about it. Well if you're sick of biting your tongue, we're here to help you let it all hang out. To call out the chaos and make some noise, I'm Angela Scanlon. And I'm Vicky Patterson. Our new podcast is the unapologetic group chat you've always wanted. Introducing Get a Grip. So if you're done with holding back, this is your space. Listen wherever you get always wanted. Introducing Get a Grip. So if you're done with holding back,

this is your space. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, this is the Secret Mom Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this week, things are looking a little bit different. Yes, we are not in the studio today, but we didn't want to leave you hanging. So we thought we'd do something a little bit different. Yes, we are not in the studio today, but we didn't want to leave you hanging. So we thought we'd do something a little bit special instead. We have had loads of questions coming from you, lovely lot, over the past few months.

So today we're diving into some of your questions. Shall we jump on in? Now, we've touched on this one before, but it is a great one for any new listeners out there. So Jean asked, were you two friends before the podcast? I love how good a friend you are. No, and we're still not actually. That is a common misconception. We still don't like each other. What? What? No, we didn't know each other before we did this. Still don't like her. People always sound fucking horrible to you as well.

Do they? Yeah. How do they know? How do they know? No. The first day we met is the first episode we recorded, which did actually go live. Yes.

Yes. I was looking at Maz for, please nod. Please nod at me. But that was our first ever time we met. We did a little chemistry test on Zoom and then they were like, right, off you go. Off you go. Yeah.

Balls to the wall. And that was it. Yeah. Just we hit it off immediately. And now we're not friends. And now we're not friends anymore. We just suck it up for the sake of the show. Yeah.

No, we don't. We don't. I cherish her. I think the world of her. Yeah, we've known each other for two years now, nearly. It's nearly our anniversary, isn't it? It is. Yeah.

We found out all sorts of things along the way. We're birthday twins nearly. We had our babies at the same time. We announced our pregnancies a couple of weeks apart. Yes. I've been through a lot. We have been through a lot, but yeah. No, it feels like I've known you my whole life.

It does. But I feel like that's a good thing though. Yeah, not like, oh, it's really dragged. No, no. I feel like I've known you for longer than two years. Way longer. Yeah. I feel like I have known you all longer than two years. Way longer. Yeah. I feel like I have known you all my life.

Yeah. Yeah. It's because all our references are the same. I think like our childhoods were quite parallel. Well, we're only three days apart. Exactly. So our whole lives. Our whole lives have basically been the same.

Yeah. But you were just doing it in Southampton and I was in Essex. Yeah. But we were same same. But thank you. Unagi. Unagi. I was going to say our references are the same apart from any time you quote a film

and I don't know what you're on about. Or a trend on TikTok. Yeah. Apart from that. She hasn't got a clue. No. Okay. Another podcast related question here, this time from Marie.

She says, do you ladies have to cut loads out of the episodes when you record? I want to know if there are stories or secrets that never made it onto the pod. We are one take wonders. One take wonders. There's actually nothing. I was going to say there's loads of shit we have to cut out. Yeah. Loads have to go into compliance. We do ramble on. We would be canceled. We'd be canceled. Sometimes we get ourselves into a bit of hot water and we

just go put that in compliance and that means edit that out. Edit the fuck out of that. Never let that see the light of day. Never. There's a lot in the archives. God forbid if the archives ever get hacked. God forbid we ever fall out or this show ever does get canceled because it may be aired. Yeah, we've got a lot on each other. Yes, but otherwise weekly the episodes there's not really that much to edit out but there will be like a bombshell.

So over the two years. Yeah, or we go off on a tangent quite often and we like cut all that out. And there's some things we keep a secret for a really long time and then they do eventually come out. But there's bits in the episode that we talk about that have to get edited out. Yes, because they can't be public yet. Yes. But generally, no, it kind of just whatever

we say kind of makes it to the pod. And there aren't really ever like- Which is really boring actually, isn't it? Yeah. We should look at some sordid secrets. We're professionals. We've learned to self-edit. So we actually record to the exact length of the podcast. We do! Every year. We try doing Which Maz thanks us for. She does. Sometimes she's like wrap it up. We're the easiest. Shut up. Bitches on the block. Excuse me. Save yourself. Itchy legs. But yeah, secrets and stuff. There aren't really. No. What you see is what you get. Yeah. There aren't really things that get cut out.

All right, this next one is from Sophie. I don't really feel like I need to keep any secrets from all of you. No, and I'll never let you in. Mikasa Sukasa, I'll never let you in. Emma's more guarded than me. I wear my hat on my sleeve. All right, this one's from Sophie.

It says, hi, Esephina and Emma. I'm only 22 and don't have kids yet and I absolutely love your podcast. Thanks. You never fails to make me laugh. The crazy things kids do are insane. It actually makes me excited to see what mine will get up to one day.

What's your advice for us younger listeners who want to be parents one day? What should we expect? Do you know what, right? My only advice is to just have no thought on it. Just let it be what it will be. Have no expectations. Have no expectations.

Have no, don Have no expectations. Don't put any limits on yourself and just fucking enjoy the ride. Because let me tell you, sat here now with a nearly nine year old, it feels like it was yesterday. The time passes so quickly. Just to buckle up and enjoy it. Because I feel like sometimes putting the pressure on yourself to be, let's say the perfect mom, because there is no perfect mom. I think sometimes that can overshadow you being yourself. And I think sometimes it's just about slowing down, slowing down, soaking it up and just remember that everything is replaceable, but not your baby, you know? You can replace furniture of pens on it. You can get sleep later.

Yeah, you'll sleep again one day. Yeah, expect the unexpected. I would say like, I didn't know what to expect at all before I had a baby. And it was just like the wildest ride. Like everything is like deeper and more intense than you ever think it's gonna be. Like, yeah, it's just nuts.

You just can't put anything on it either. You can't, because it was well, everybody's journey is so different. And you just can't put anything on how to explain the experience. Like there's no words that you can say, this is exactly how it's gonna feel until you're in it. And then you'll go, fucking hell,

them women that I used to listen to, they were right, they're crazy bitches. Yeah, you'll find yourself going like, oh, now I know what people were talking about. And now I'm like, oh, now I understand my mom. Yes, yes. And like what she was going through. 100%, so advice would be is to have no expectations

whatsoever. Yeah, expect the unexpected. And before you have kids, just enjoy that time as well because your life will never be the same again. In the best way. Because a lot of people do- Sometimes in the best way. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I'd love to sleep for 11 hours.

Unbroken. I never think that. Sleeping's overrated for me. I could love to go on a four hour flight without entertaining a toddler the whole time. Listen, don't take any advice from Emma, because she will be very negative, but I'm sorry, I'm joking.

Look, Sophie's only 22, so- You've got to enjoy the process. Enjoy life now with our children. Enjoy the process of when you're wanting to start a family. And it's just the next stage. It's different, but it's still good. It's still phenomenal, yeah, definitely.

Thank you, that's a really lovely one. All right, this one's from Beth. She says, hello ladies, long time listener, first time messaging. Go on, Beth. We had our seven week early reassurance scan yesterday and saw the most beautiful little fluttering heart beat. After four years of fertility treatment, it all finally feels worth it. Please can I have your top three newborn or new parent tips? Thank you for

being such real role model moms who navigate the world with humor. Oh, God bless. Thanks, Beth. Well, don't sleep when the baby sleeps, because that is a load of shit. So I could give you loads that you shouldn't listen to. Because that is a load of bollocks. Yeah, the three things you shouldn't listen to. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don't hug your baby too much.

Oh, that's a load of... Don't pick them up too much. You can over love them. Oh my gosh, you'll over love your baby. Can't spoil them. And what else? What's the other else? Get some nipple balm would be my top one. What? We were saying things that you shouldn't listen to. Oh, no, you should. Sorry. That's something you should do. You need the nipple balm. To be fair, breastfeeding or not, nipple balm comes in handy. Oh, don't have a plan for your birth, I would say, because it's probably

not going to go to plan anyway. So just roll with it. Right. Emma's completely confusing the situation. We were talking about ones that you should just not fucking listen to. Yeah. Don't have a plan for your birth. Yeah. But we will first on the don't, there is no such thing as you can't hug your baby too much. Also, when people say nap when the baby's napping, that is a load of fucking shit. Oh, we're in the park, baby's asleep in the shower. What are you gonna do? Just drop to the floor and fucking take 20 winks.

No, I've got shit to do in the house. Again, that is a load of shite. Another one. That's what we're thinking of. What's another one that's a load of shit? Like myths, yeah. Just don't listen to anyone else's opinions. Yeah, just don't listen to any of that shit.

There's one bit of parenting advice is don't listen to the shit. Yeah. Don't listen to the shit. And also when people, another one is when people want to come at you with their horrendous birth stories. Oh, I quite like those though. No, they're unnecessary. Nobody needs them.

Tell us all the positive shit. Yeah, well they're unnecessary. Nobody needs them. Tell us all the positive shit. When they go, oh God, if you think you're tired now, you won't see them. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I say that to people. I know. Just don't. It makes me want to, oh, right in the throat. We don't need it. Because when you are heavily pregnant, you're not fucking sleeping. So it's like a little dip your toe in before anyway.

Oh yeah, when people go, get all the sleep you can now. I'm carrying around a huge bump on the front of my body. I'm literally a beached whale. Yeah. I can't sleep. I'm kissing myself all the time. I haven't seen me foo foo in three years. Well that's a bit dramatic. Maybe three weeks. Yeah. Try not to let the outside noise overwhelm you. Yes. Because everybody's journey is completely different. Yeah. Yes. But if we can give you any good advice, Emma, take it away. All right. Practical tips, have loads of muslins

because you'll get through loads of those. Get a perfect prep machine for making bottles. It will take you so much time, save you so much time. And what's the other one? Download Deliveroo. Get Deliveroo. For presents, get people to get you. time and what's the other one? Download Deliveroo. Get Deliveroo for presents, get people to get you vouchers for delivery services. That was the best thing that people did for us or get them to stock your freezer with meals

because you won't have time to cook. That's a really good one. That's a really good one. Yeah. Yeah. Meal prep. Yeah. That was a good one. Or just fucking enjoy takeaways. Yeah. Again, food vouchers, delivery, so you can get yourself a takeaway. Yeah. Iconic. Yeah. Don't buy me stuff for the baby. Buy me stuff for me. Yeah. Yeah. But otherwise just sit back, enjoy it, put your feet up. Don't rush to get back up onto your feet. No. Don't stress about a messy house because it'll still be there tomorrow. Don't feel afraid to say no to visitors if you're not ready. That was a big learning curve.

That's a good one. If you don't want people around, it's okay to say no. Also, if someone wants to hug your baby and you don't want to, just say no. No is a wonderful word that you will take on throughout your parenting experience up until the age of nine because that's as far as we're at at the moment. But no is still a very good one. Yeah, it's an important one. But yes, I'm just excited. I'm excited for you. And again, I'm a true believer that it's definitely learning on the way as much as we can give you some tips along the way. It's definitely your journey to make perfect for you. Yeah. And don't worry about messy house. Don't worry if you've got three day pajamas on. Yeah, people say that.

I did find that hard though, when people are like, leave all the other stuff. You know, you can do the watching up later. I know, I know. I couldn't, I can't. No, I know. But then again, it literally doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

But it's entirely up to you if you want to do it. It does give you some perspective on life. You're like, right, this is the most important thing now is like looking after this baby and just try and get the other stuff done when you can. Also don't be afraid to ask for help. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be, don't think you're failing at anything.

If you need to ask for help, it's okay to ask for help. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you Beth. Oh, I remember. Good luck in your journey. Did you go for those early scans? Absolutely. Yeah, I did.

I was maxing those out. I was. I went for about 45 in the first four weeks. I went for one as soon as I could get one and I remember being so nervous. So that feeling when they see, when you see the little heartbeat. Oh gosh, you can't beat it. Thank you Beth. Good luck with everything.

Yeah, thank you. And let us know how you get on. See if our parenting tips were of any use. Yeah, probably not. All right, and this one's from Sarah. She says, ladies, all the episodes with the babies are my fave. Hearing them cooing in the background is the cutest.

Will you be bringing them back for future episodes? No. They're too annoying now. I did contemplate bringing Renner's today, but to hide, it's the unpredictability for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It might be a whole episode of just Renner's coffin into the muff. Yeah. Grabbing you. Yeah. Running around, wires out. Yeah. Sophia's losing her hair because he's under the

desk. It's a madness now. Mads is chasing him down the corridor. He's fucking in the lift. Takes an army to raise a baby truly. I love the old me when I was like, oh, bringing Sadie was such a challenge. I'm like, she just literally used to lay on my lap and feed. Yeah. I miss those days. Yeah. Runners used to sleep on me, didn't they? When Chris is here and it's the school holidays and stuff, mine will be here. Yeah. Because they love coming up for the day. I might bring mine back one day.

Also, Renly's new word is dick at the moment. I don't think anyone's gonna appreciate. Hello, Sarah, dick, dick. Does he know what it means? Oh yeah, I think he gave me a running understanding of dick. No, I think it's Chris calls him a dick. Well, to be fair, we all would like, ah, you'll be in a deck today. Oh, he's picked it up.

Yeah. But that's parenting 101 with Safina. But no, they'll probably be back occasionally now and again. They might be back every now and again. I mean, to be honest, record day is a nursery day for me and I'm not going to voluntarily look after my children when I'm paying for someone else to do it. So realistically not Sarah, but I do appreciate your message. We appreciate you so much. Mine will definitely be here more so than Emma's. Yes.

But thank you so much for sending in your questions. It's been lovely doing something a little bit different, hasn't it? Hasn't it? And if you've got a secret you want to share or something for the correspondence corner, you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or we're Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the Secret Mump Club! Are you tired of being told to pipe down, pet? Calm down, love. Or worst of all, get a grip.

It just gets us so riled up even thinking about it. Well if you're sick of biting your tongue, we're here to help you let it all hang out. To call out the chaos and make some noise. I'm Angela Scanlon. And I'm Vicki Patterson. Our new podcast is the unapologetic group chat you've always wanted. Introducing Get a Grip. So if you're done with holding back, this is your space.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts.