Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Egg Obsession

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

Soph and Emma are revealing all as they join Tom Price on My Mate Bought A Toaster! Tom dives into their Amazon shopping history, unearthing everything from Soph’s obsession with egg gadgets to Emma’s "shopping spree" that looks suspiciously like it’s all for Steffan.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Like parties? Ever thought what your perfect party would involve? To theme or not to theme? Are kids banned or are they only allowed to come if they dress like tiny butlers? Are you serving food or do you hate your guests? Then join me, Catherine Boehart, as I sit down with some very special guests to discuss their dream do in brand new podcast, It's My Party, all to celebrate Comic Relief's 40th birthday. No need to RSVP, it's an open invite. Just look for It's My Party on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts or wherever you choose to listen. Hi everyone, Emma here. Just popping up to say we've got a special treat for you today.

Soph and I had the pleasure of joining the hilarious Tom Price on his podcast, My Mate Bought a Toaster, where we took a deep dive into our Amazon shopping history. I say ours, in reality my account turned out to be more of Stefan's personal shopping list, while Soph's revealed an impressive and slightly worrying obsession with eggs. There were plenty of laughs, a few questionable purchases and some serious oversharing along the way. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Water toaster, oh oh, it's my mate Water toaster, yeah yeah My mate Water toaster, oh oh, toaster for my love Thank God, toaster

Hello, this is My Mate Water Toaster and a slightly special episode at that because it's a sort of hybrid and also I've got two guests which is very very exciting from Secret Mum Club, I'm extremely happy to welcome Sophie and Emma Hello to both of you. Hi, thanks for having us. So nice to be here. I mean, I've been here for three hours logging into your account. Who knows their Amazon password?

You just logged in all the time. It's not mine, it's Emma's. I was the problem. You still don't have Emma's login, but my password, no one's cracking mine. Olivia Lee has the all-time longest record for login time. 38 minutes it took her. Wow. And we had an hour window, so it's a very short.

Quick clock-off. Very quick. Yeah, I was, Sophie I was very pleased. We got straight in there. We did. And that's up and running. Emma, you phoned your other half at one stage. Yes.

Just to check in with him, see how he was. No, it's his account. She didn't even ask how he was. Just give me the password to your Amazon, now. Yeah, and I'm like a boomer mom. None of the accounts are my own. It's all my husband's. Yeah.

Okay, good. Well, look, we're in both the accounts, okay? So we're safely in and I'm gonna just have a little look around and just find out about you guys. That's it. It's like rooting for your pant drawer, isn't it? Yeah. It's very invasive.

Amazon undies. Yeah. And it hurts a lot less if you relax. Okay. So. Just let it happen. And blend So. Just let it happen. Exactly. Let it happen.

And we're going to start with you Emma because. This is so boring. It's so boring. Let's get it out of the way. It's all nappies and wipes. Okay. That's the end. So over to you.

Thanks very much Emma. So, so, no. So you said this is your other half's account. Yeah. Well, it's shared. Okay. So is there a point at which you step in? Because what I can do is go right back to the first purchase, right? So Emma, the first purchase that I can see that happened

on your Amazon account is 2008. Wow. Whoa. I know, I know the land before time. We were already 40 years out of school. Yeah. I was, I was with my husband then. Stefan, were you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's not an ex. Okay. Well, I an X. Okay. Well, I can see you were really happy and the romance in the spark was there because on the 23rd of December, just before Christmas, you bought Madden NFL on the PlayStation 3. Yes.

That must've been my present for him that year. I'm going to say a year into our relationship. Always a tricky time to buy presents when you're just a year in. Romance was still alive, clearly. What you're saying, have a game and go away. Yeah, and do you know what? Things are the same almost 20 years on. He's more in love with his PS5 than he is with his PC.

I thought you were gonna say that. So he's a big gamer. He's a big gamer, yeah. Well, I'd say he was pre-kids. There's not much time for that stuff now. But if he had the time, yeah, exactly. He would be into it. It does work as well, bless his heart.

It does work. He used to be a video game correspondent for the BBC. So I should not diminish the role. What a job. He must have got loads of freebies. So this was a real busman's holiday of a gift. Yeah, exactly. We wasn't doing the job then.

This was like a precursor of things to come, you know? Were your friends like, oh my God, you've got the dream guy when you went, and he's a video games correspondent. I have got the one. They were like, loser. What would he have got you at this stage in your relationship?

So early doors, when you're first, how long, when were you first with someone? Yes. What's the kind of gift that you can remember? I always go after shave. I feel like you can't really go wrong with an after shave. But early doors, when you want to impress them. Yeah, after shave.

Okay, fine. That's pretty impressive. Yeah, I'd be happy with that. Smell better though, so smell better. Yeah, more you show you. Okay, fine. That's pretty impressive. Yeah, I'd be happy with that. Smell better though, it says smell better. Yeah, more you smell rank. Everything else is good, bar you stink. Better than toothpaste though. This will mask the fog.

Yeah. It's toothpaste, what else? Here's just a paper bag to put over your head. Boxes. Boxes is good. Boxes. Yeah, you can't go in pants and socks. Get the X's out, get some new ones in. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

I don't know what he got me, but I know the first year we were together, so Christmas 2007, I tried to like restyle him because we'd only been together for a short period of time. And he was like giving real like stoner vibes, you know, like the baggy jeans, very student, the big ethnic trainers. And I was like trying to morph him

into what I wanted him to be. So I got him some converse trainers and he immediately took them back. Which I thought was bad etiquette for a first Christmas present. I feel like that was a sign for what was to come for you. What do you mean 20 years of happy, happy writing. That's 2008. Okay. So elsewhere we can see, look, there's all sorts of stuff here. If we go to 2009, we can just claw our way through it. 2009, nothing. 2009, yeah, you should be nervous.

You should be nervous. Raven's flight. Horrors. What is that? What on earth is that? Oh, this is a really diamond, not Stefan. It's a book. Hang on.

After the horrors of the Dropsite massacre, RIP to everyone lost in the Dropsite massacre. Sorry, can you not laugh? That was a massacre. Sorry, this is just serious. There'll be people watching. It's when you say bad things. Like, I'm that person that if you tell me bad news, I'll laugh because I'm uncomfortable. I bet you don't even care.

I'm all right. I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing? That was a massacre. Sorry, this is just serious. There'll be people watching. It's when you say bad things, like I'm that person that if you tell me bad news, I'll laugh because I'm uncomfortable. I bet you don't even commemorate Dropsite Day, do you? Have to have the minute silence for the fictional massacre that happened in the head of Gavin Thorpe.

Joining Games Workshop at the age of 19. You are lucky I've already outed Stefan as a Games Workshop dude on the podcast, because otherwise he would not thank me for this. Well for listeners to My Mate Bought a Toaster, so you're the half, he likes his Games Workshop stuff, right? Take us through his passion for, I don't know, say for example, Warhammer. Yes, I don't know anything about it. Do you paint them little figures?

It's something to do with painting. It's something to do with painting. You said that, like, has he been cheating on you? You said it with the same tone. He's got a do with painting. You said that like he's been cheating on you. You said it with the same tone. He's got a secret family. He likes painting figures. Oh my God. There's like a special little shop you go to to do that. I know because we've spoken about it before. It's about painting figures and smelling of B.O. There's prerequisites. Again, this is why we need the aftershave. Yes. See? Hello. Men smell and have a bad taste in clothes.

Women smell. Listen, I'm not here to get the men. Everyone, a human body just smells. When you've been sat painting figures for multiple hours. It's hard work. Can we get back to the horrors of the Dropsite Massacre? Sorry, sorry. Have some respect.

What's more of a horror, the Dropsite Massacre or the BO in the game? The Raven Guard are trying to survive in the caves and mountains of Istvan 5. Their plight is desperate and escape from the roaming Chaos Lesions seems impossible. Meanwhile, Colonel Valerius of the Imperial Army begins suffering terrible dreams, believing the Raven Guard to be in trouble. At this point, this is the guy you're with. I imagine him reading this and you're like... I'm literally so bored.

Imagine I was like, actually guys, that was my holiday reading. Sadly to trade in. But that's quite nice, isn't it, when the other half has got the stuff that they're into and you can just let them go off and do that. And I think when they feel okay to like be themselves in the relationship, you know. We are really polishing this turd on me at the moment. You do you. Just wear the converse. Just wear the converse. Paint the figures, but wear the bloody converse. Okay. But don't you look back on this. Now we're all bedecked with kids, right? And we will get on to all the kid stuff very shortly. By the figures, but wear the bloody converse, okay? But don't you look back on this. Now we're all bedecked with kids, right?

And we will get on to all the kids stuff very shortly. By the way, Soph, we're gonna have a look at yours in a sec. But when you look back to a time before kids, right? And you see these things and you're like, oh my God, imagine having the time to read about the upside massacre. Imagine. Imagine. It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

Isn't it? You never would have appreciated it at the time. You wouldn't. No matter how much people with kids will go, really enjoy that, you still just don't appreciate it. I didn't read books before children. Why would I start now? Why start now?

Actually, Sophie, that leads me very neatly onto your Amazon history. You're right, you didn't read books. I can see that, because I'm looking at 2019. And here are the first things that you've bought on Amazon, right? Is it really bad? If it's bad, will you just preempt me

to be in front be a bit more? I'm not going to let you judge. I'm impartial. I'm not a therapist. I don't bring anything. I don't bring anything. You want to say you're the therapist. I'm not going to judge you, but you can see if I'm judging you by my turn of voice.

Okay. Okay. I'm ready. Okay. You bought the ITVX app. You bought the BBC iPlayer app. Okay. You bought the Channel 5 app.

Hold on a minute. We were going into lockdown though, weren't we? What, in February 2019? She knew a year before. All right, Miss Dinkmeag. She knew a year before. I was looking.

Where were you working at, Batmarket? We had a year. That, I mean. I was just preempting it. I saw it on The Simpsons. Well, yeah, I can tell you you were watching The Simpsons because you were watching everything else.

You bought Kids for YouTube. Was it what, YouTube for kids as well? Yes, Kids for YouTube. Kids for YouTube, that's a very different thing. That's more dark web. Preschool learning games for toddlers, nursery runs, all this stuff. So look, this is you getting ready to parents. Yes, with tablets.

Look at this. Watch this. Yeah, yeah. But in your defense, I would assume you've bought a new device and you're downloading all the apps on the device. So are you very device friendly parent? Can I judge you? He's judging me with his eyes. I am now. The bigger two are bigger, but they do a lot of schoolwork on them. I will give them a match.

It's educational. I'm not a YouTube mom. I will put my hand on that. I'm not a YouTube mom. No thanks. But no shade to those guys. No. Come on, a But no shade to those guys. No. Come on, a bit of shade to those guys. Or is it because you think they might be armed and you're a bit scared of them?

Adolescence wise, you're a bit like, don't slug them off. No, you just hear horrible stories about YouTube, don't you? Poisoning children's brains to do bad things. There's so much good stuff on YouTube though. So much. There is. But also a lot of bad.

My kid plays this game called GeoGuessr. Have you heard of GeoGuessr? No. You have to guess the location by the Google Maps, is it? Yes. Yeah. Do you play it? Yes. Of course she does. She's with Stephane. We're going to Warhammer. Of course we do. It's like Warhammer, but real world. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. It's an amazing, it's really clever game. It's just a series of Google images of different random corners of the world and you have to work out whereabouts it is. Yeah. Is there a killing in it? No. No, it's really safe world and you have to work out whereabouts it is.

Is there killing in it? No, no, it's really safe. Unless you want to upgrade it and go for a sort of high competitive cage fighting version. You asked me for something like that the other day, but I don't, I was like, no, there's a zombie on it. Get rid. Yeah. Okay.

So you're, you're pretty strict on that then you're like, yeah, no, I bet. And we, I have it, I get the notification. So if you ask for a game, I will read through the whole, the age, the description. And how often do you go, yeah, it's fine. Never. Not really often. Yeah.

They're still young though, aren't they? How old are the kids? Eight and six. They're gonna be nine and seven. So, you know, I do vet, there's some things like he really loves playing Minecraft, but he plays it with his cousins. So he has like a time at the weekend where he gets time to play with them. Nice. Minecraft's great. Yeah. They just build houses. I find it quite fun. I actually have a really addictive personality

that I can't play it because then I can't, I say to the children, listen, go get something from the fridge. I just put the roof on. Okay, so your kids are addicted to screens. Fine. Look, 2021, right. I can see you've subscribed to Amazon Kids. So there you are a minute ago saying, we're not really into screens and you pay eight pounds a month for the kids to have access to screens. That was the Amazon Fire tablets. And you have to pay for them to be able to work. You have to pay a monthly subscription for them.

Well, yeah, to get access to all the videos and stuff. Yes, for more screen time, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not suggesting that you're, I'm not for a second suggesting that your approach to parenting is different to what the facts are saying me. I would never suggest that. But we all do it right. That is the definition of parenting. You're always compromising every single day going fine. Yeah. Beat your brother to a bloody pulp. I just need some peace. Yes. Yeah. Do what you got to do. Do what you your brother to a bloody pulp. I just need some peace. Yes. Do what you gotta do. Do what you gotta do. Exactly. 10th of December, 2021. You've bought a lovely

colorful mascara set. Yes. 21 pounds. Loved that. For you or Dottie? No, she was only, what year was that? 2021. She was three. That's a bit, that's one of those documentaries, isn't it? Do you know what, when you said colored mascara, I thought you meant like, a la 1997 hair mascara. No, no, it's actually for your eyelashes. For your eyes, yeah. What's a, what is mascara, which one's mascara?

Eyelashes. Eyelashes. So I'd have like yellow, yellow made me look like I had conjunctivitis. Yeah, I do not recommend. You okay? Yeah, I'm going out. Amazing.

Yellow, yeah, it was like red, green, blue, purple. Indigo violet. Yeah, the whole rainbow. Quite jealous of a bit of a mascara. It was a fun time for me, honestly. Don't you get bits of it in your eyes though? No, it doesn't go in your eyes. You can get some bits that flicker down, but then that's the side of it. Either your mascara's out a day or it's a crap one. It's a good bit in the fridge. That's all you have to do.

Does it run? Is mascara the one that runs when you cry? What's the one that runs when you cry? either your mascara is out a day or it's a crap one. It's a bit in the fridge. That's all you have to do. Is mascara the one that runs when you cry? What's the one that runs when you cry? It runs when you cry, but not if you get waterproof. Yeah, you have to have a waterproof, not water resistant. Right, okay. I don't know why. You're saying that like I should be taking notes. Waterproof, okay, great.

We can hook you up. Bye again. Bye again. So, I'm going to leave you in 2021 for a second. Okay, smash it. We'll be back. Leave me there. I'm just in lockdown still. We'm going to leave you in 2021 for a second. Okay, smash it. We'll be back. So if you... Leave me there. I'm just in lockdown still. We're going to leave you in lockdown. Definitely not letting your kids anywhere near screens.

No, they're not on any screens. And definitely not putting makeup on your two-year-old to be clear. That's what we're definitely having. We're going to come back to you, Emma. We're in 2014 now with you. Okay. Oh, wow. Was it in 2014?

You're quite back there. I just moved to London. Well, obviously you're working hard because you've got a magnetic posture support correct for back pain. Stefan. I'm just going to throw Stefan under the bus. Don't fucking blame him. It's you.

His back hurts because of you. Cause you're making him hunch. Carrying the weight of you. That, one of those. It's carrying the weight of this whole relationship. Seven years into the relationship, he was struggling. Struggling. So this is 21st of October 2015, the Claire Florist colorful rainbow bouquet and also a

fantastic summer memories bouquet. Flowers. Two! Hang on a minute. Here we go. Brace, brace. He was buying flowers. For two people on the same day.

For me and someone else. Yeah. Who was it sent to? What a hussy. Oh my God. Is this a 10 year old affair that I'm just discovering? Hang on. A few. Yeah. Who was it sent to? What a hussy. Oh my God. Is this a 10 year old affair that I'm just discovering? Hang on.

Stefan, you've got a lot. Few order details. Here we go. Where was he sending them? Where was he sending them? Where was he sending them? We'll go visit her now. Who is that bitch?

It's to Mrs. My Ex. Who's that? He's going to Cardiff. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh, is it Stefan again? Yes.

Oh my giddy aunt. That's his mum, isn't it? Is that his mum? I don't know who he was sending. They don't live in Cardiff. Oh, is it Stefan again? Yes. Oh my giddy aunt. That's his mum isn't it? Is that his mum? I don't know who he was sending, they don't live in Cardiff. So actually feasibly could be an ex-girlfriend in Cardiff. That's probably the most likely.

I'll raise it with him later. You remember 10 years ago. You said that like you were raising a ticket. I'll just put that with him. I'll put that on the agenda. Let me just put that on my calendar to ask him later. Have you now got to that stage with your other half where every conversation is just an exchange of information?

You're running a business together. Yes, me and Stefan are like passing ships. We never really see each other. And when we do, it's all business. It's all like kids related, routine related, who can do nursery drop, who can do pick up, I'm going to bed, see you later, good night. My wife has a list of questions at all times

on notes on her. To ask you. When she just puts them to you when she sees you. See you later. Good night. My wife has a list of questions at all times on notes on her. To ask you. When she just puts them to you when she sees you. When you walk through the door. I've got questions for you. When I walk through the door I'm like, oh fuck. And I literally have to sit down and go, I don't know. Yes. Thursday.

Did you wipe your ass? Yeah, that's all the stuff. I think so. Yeah. It's an inquisition, isn't it? It's just constant what's happening, what's happening. Yeah. I feel like we're just in that phase of life at the moment. We just keep saying like, you know, we'll be, we'll be through this.

I'm nothing to talk about. That's when it gets serious. When they're like, no, I've got, I just don't care. I've got nothing left. I know. Got no more questions. We're not there yet. We're in the trenches right now. Yeah, exactly. Um, all right, look, so, um, elsewhere, uh, you have got the lovely duck egg colour furniture paint. Stefan. Fucking hell. I know. He loves the chalk paint. God, do you do fucking anything?

He loves the chalk. We finally found out. This is so fucking boring. This is what I'm saying to you. Emma Jones. God. Rent-a-kill fast action mouse killer. Come on.

Why do you hate mice? That might have been me. Yeah, what year was that? This is 2015. Yeah, okay. Where are you living? What's have been me. Yeah. What year was that? This is 2015. Yeah. Where are you living? What's the situation? Flat share. Flat share.

You killed a mouse? Well, what are you supposed to do? Pick him up and let him into the wild. No, because where there's one, there's hundreds. It's not bloody mouse trap. They're not all just going to come in. It's really sad. If you get a proper rent-a-kill vibe out as well, we had a guy who was really sad about it. He would just tell you how the mums will die and all the babies and stuff. And yeah, my wife was like, well, let's just leave it. Yeah. I'll just leave them in the house.

Sell the house. Yeah. I don't know about nice become rats. That's not how nature works. That's not what happens. You'll think you're the incredible Hulk. I was going to say even I knew that. And I had a rat in my kitchen at university. Not even a mouse. Not even a mouse. A rat in my kitchen. Had a rat in my kitchen. He's mad, I'm sure that's a song. How big was the rat in your kitchen? It was like the size of a, like a rabbit.

Loaf of bread? Baguette? Yeah, like a baguette, like a baguette, but the half, the half one, the individual portion of a baguette. Six inch. It was like a six inch, 12 inch that way. When you saw the rat, did you think that used to be a mice?

Did you? You do understand how that, okay, just checking. My how it's grown. No, I do know they're different animals, but I just think you, you know, one may lead to the other and I wouldn't risk it again. What is the grossest thing as a, especially now as a parent in terms of dealing with that sort of stuff, the grossest thing that you've come across, have you had anything in the house with the kids? Cause we've had issues with food under the sofa that ends up with maggots in it. Oh God, yes. We've had maggots quite a lot in the summer. It's absolutely hanging. Not

indoors. And they all just pour over the top of the bin. And they are everywhere. Everywhere. How do you get rid of them? Squash them individually between your fingers? Yeah. Chopsticks. Chopsticks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. between your fingers? Yeah, chopsticks, chopsticks. Yeah, yeah, like rice. What I do is I cry. Do you actually? No, no. Oh, what? So suggestible. You do have to crush every single one though.

Fuck off. You don't. Don't, because if I'm out by my wheelie bin in July, like... Honestly, you have to burst them. What's your major household ick? What's the one that just makes you go... Because for me, right, any poo situation, two dogs as well. Oh, bloody hell, there's a any poo situations, two dogs as well. Oh bloody hell, there's a lot of poo in there. Absolutely fine.

Fuckers of it. Vomit. T.P.O. Yeah. Mine has to be like people's food on a plate, you know, like a dirty plate when you have to like wash that up or put that in. I can't. Even if it's your own kids?

No. Really? No. I've got like hoes. I bought a thingy that whee. H a thingy that I don't have to touch it. And then I put it in the dishwasher. I can't do finger and like rigid go to the plate. How dare you call her that? My wife.

Hang on. So any bits of food. So if I tell you this, for example, like a Sunday dinner and there's gravy on the plate, if I was to slide my thumb into that gravy, it is gross. It is gross. That's fair. It's actually gross. If I were to tell you that sometimes my kids, you know, Alf, Bessie Spaghetti or whatever,

like those little potato waffle things. Sometimes those have been by the sink for a while, still on the plate for an hour. You eat it. I'll eat it. Emma eats regurgitated food. I do do. The babies will take it out chewed up, shove it on the side, hour. You eat it. I'll eat it. No. Emma eats regurgitated food. I do do. The babies will take it out chewed up, shove it on the side, Emma will just eat it. Well it's more just like if they dribble like a bit of Weetabix and I'll like swipe

it off their mouth. I'm like, what am I going to do with that now? It's on my thumb. Just pop it in my mouth. Man, this is not a storage space. It's not what this is for. I'm not a human dustbin here. Wow. No, see. I was trying to work out who's the top of the pot with the tree there when it comes to growth and I thought I'd be the absolute worst, but that's- I'm pretty bad. That's pretty bad. Yeah, I'm pretty bad. There's not much that turns you though.

No, I've got a pretty strong stomach. Yeah. But I'll take poo any day. Oh yeah. Poo all over me. We love it. Vomit all over me. I'll take all of that.

So poo and vomit, absolutely fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had poo, child poo. Not like- Out of choice. Not out of choice, yeah. It was under my fingernail and I thought it was chocolate, scooped it out.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, my fingernail and I thought it was chocolate, so I scooped it out. Yeah, yeah. I mean, at what point did you realize? Was there a texture before the taste kicked in? I think it was the burn on the tip of my tongue. Yeah. And then you're like... Oh my God.

No one has ever gone. What's that under my nail? I know how I'll find out. Just do that. When they're looking through your shopping history and they don't understand it You have been bought red handed To theme or not to theme? Are kids banned or are they only allowed to come if they dress like tiny butlers? Are you serving food or do you hate your guests? Then join me, Catherine Beauxhart, as I sit down with some very special guests to discuss their dream do in brand new podcast, It's My Party, all to celebrate Comic Relief's 40th birthday.

No need to RSVP, it's an open invite. Just look for It's My Party on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts or wherever you choose to listen. 2016 Emma, let's see what you've got in 2016. Okay. And again, you've got, you've got a mastic gun. You know, you got- Oh yes, we moved into a flat in 2016. Bloody hell, was that yours? DIY bloody princess? Oh no, I don't do any of that. No, no, no. We're very like pink and blue in our house. Like I don't do any of the DIY, the bins, any of that shit. Right. Well you do when Stefan leaves. Right, right, right. Exactly. What's going to happen? What's going to happen when you guys split up? I'll take. This is what happens more and more of the jobs that I do. Beth is taking on. I'm like, she's, she's, she's weeding you out. She's rooting you out. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the thing. That's the thing. I'm the bin crusher. I'm the guy who compacts the bin. She's doing it now. She can get a handoff TikTok shop that squashes that for you. Yeah. She's not going to need you before long.

I don't need a man. She learns how to massage her own feet. All the women independent. Hasbro Twister. You bought some Twister. My mate bought Twister. Did I? Yeah.

December 2016. Fun Christmas present. twister. Did I? Yeah, December 2016. Fun Christmas present. It was Stefan. Yeah, yeah, blame him. Oh, look at this. My mate bought a bin. You got a one-touch bin. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, big time. Do not recommend actually. They break very easily. They're not very good capacity though. Yeah, they don't last. Yeah. 40 litre as well. Was it? Yeah, that's a cracking one. Yeah, they're gone now. Oh, my mate bought a toaster.

Hooray! Russell Hobbs. Russell Hobbs toaster and kettle. Is this like the bingo ding ding ding ding ding? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go crazy for that. We love that. It's a wonderful moment. Buying all this stuff. Obviously, mega nesting going on in 2016. Yes. This is you settling down. We bought a flat.

Okay, yeah. Stun him. We'll leave you there for a second. We'll come back to you, Soph. In 2020 now, okay, she's got a mouthful of water quickly. Let's find some. Miraculous ladybug fleece. Oh, no, she's still, she's kept it in. Oh, no, we didn't. Yeah. A ladybug fleece. A ladybug fleece blanket. It's for kids. It's a ladybug. I don't even like ladybugs. I don't know why I would have bought that.

Is there an image attached to that? No, there isn't actually. It's not available to all of us. We've all got one in our head, but no, this is all gone now. How weird. Someone used my account. Stefan Stefan Stefan is becoming an excellent codeword today. Blame Stefan. Fine. Um, we'll move on ahead. All right. So I'm going to go into your 2022 over the year. How many orders do you think you've placed? I don't know. Shit time. You love an order. I do love an order. Yeah. Well, come on then. How many over a year? What'd you reckon? A I do love an order. Well, come on then, how many, over a year, what'd you reckon?

A hundred. Not that bad, 53. Oh, okay. That's one a week. You've bought so much random stuff. I mean, you've bought some kitchen fridge organizers. Yes, stunning. Love a good organized fridge.

Yeah. Good organized. Good organized. Words not so organized. Fridge organized. We love an organized fridge. Yeah. And then I get really pissed off with it and I chuck them all away. Of course. Of course. Yeah. But it's a lovely moment when you open the fridge. Yeah. That one time and then a week later you're like, fuck.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. cups, a cute bear espresso mug. Yeah, see upside down bear in the little glass, double layered glass. Nice. Cutesy patootsy. Who doesn't want to drink coffee out of a bear mug? Right. Yeah, no, of course. No, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If that was delivered to you in a cafe, you'd smile.

I would know exactly who on my street that was meant for. Yes. The kooky lady who lives in a cat. Me. Yeah, it's a meaner. That's what would happen to that mug. I'd go straight, I would know exactly who on my street that was meant for. Yes. The kooky lady who lives with a cat. Me. Yes, me too. That's what would happen to that mug. I'd go straight, Tonya, I think I've got your bear espresso mug.

That's what's coming there. This is good, I'm going to say quirky. Okay. Is that okay? Yeah, wonderful. I don't want to. I'll take quirky, I'd rather be quirky than basic. Or shit eating, for example.

Yeah, yeah. We're going to move on from that. Yeah, let's move. At that moment. Okay, so go back. Drinking coffee from a bear mug. You've got a food cutter with cutting board. You've got a food cutter, otherwise known as a knife. No, no, it's a food cutter. Good point though. It's a food cutter that's like a cutter. I was going to get it for cutting spring onions. It looks like scissors.

It looks like a garden apparatus. Yes, exactly. So go on. What happened? 1299. It looks like scissors. It looks like a garden apparatus. Yes, exactly. So go on. What happened? 1299. It was crap. Bad review. I'm in your Amazon account. Do you want me to write a review? Yeah, no. Yeah, go for it. Why not? This was worse than the time I found a bare mug. Kitchen cutter built with a cutting board. Oh, I see. Yeah. So one bit of the scissors is like flat. And the end was a little chopper board. Oh, I see. Yeah. So one bit of the scissors is like flat. The knife and the end was a little chopping board. So I could just be like bam, bam, bam. I thought it would save my doing lunch boxes. It was crap. But this is what we're always doing with Amazon. You always see these things on Amazon. Oh, if I buy that pillow, I'll sleep again. Yeah. No you won't. The nightmares will still fool you. It won't make your life better. No, it won't save you. That should be the cut and paste review on all Amazon stuff. Hi, this won't save you. No, that should be the cut and paste review on all Amazon stuff.

Hi, this won't save you from this nightmare that is our existence. Cheers. Have a great day. Don't waste the money. I think that's great. But all this stuff we used to in eras gone by, people would watch late night TV and someone would be demonstrating. QVC. QVC.

Which still happens, of course, but that's when we buy this stuff. And now Amazon has opened us up to, for example, the boiled egg spinner. Fun fact, I actually had a viral video on that on my social media platform. People tuned in. Why did you say social media platform? Like you're on the BBC. I don't know. I liked it. Other social media platforms are available. She didn't know if you knew about TikTok because you're older than us.

I know about the tick in the top. I just want to raise awareness to my plat- this is, this is- Oh, God, no, please. And I literally went viral and I just stood spinning, spinning an egg in an egg rocket. Literally like- Does it get the shell off? It mixed the white with the yellow. So when you poured it out, it was just all yellow.

Hang on. So is it- is it mixing an already cracked egg or is it getting the shell off a hard boiled egg? Mixing an uncooked egg. An uncooked egg. So it's an uncooked egg. So you could just put it in your hand and probably shake it. So you could just shake the egg. Yeah. Or there was another lead on from that is I actually put it into a sock.

Wow. Because someone told me to do it and then I let go of the sock and I... Have you seen the film Full Metal Jacket? There's a torture scene involved. So you put an egg in a sock and that's not a metaphor. And I did the same thing, but I actually in the video accidentally dropped the sock and it flew across the kitchen, smashed things on the way and that was the end of the spinning sock era. Wow. the spinning sock era,

the spinning egg era, yeah. But this is nice. So we see a moment with you appearing on a social media platform of your choice. Loads are available. Can I just say what's hilarious about this order? And I don't know if this speaks to your social media policy. Just above it, it just says canceled.

Oh. So I don't know if this went viral and you got canceled as a result. I don't know if like vegans got cross about you, what you're doing to animal produce. I don't know if this went viral and you got canceled as a result. I don't know if like vegans got cross about you, what you're doing to animal produce. I don't know. I don't know. That's why it's never appeared since.

Yeah. Controversial. There's a lot of egg based stuff. Egg stripper. Egg stripper. 2022 was really the year of eggs for you. Oh my God. Big egg energy.

I really love eggs. Yeah, okay. What I love about this show is the insight. What did you learn about, about, so, she loves eggs. I really love eggs. What I love about the show is the insight. What did you learn about, about Soph? She loves eggs. I really love eggs. And Stefan loves Warhammer. That's the end of the show.

I love it. What a diversity between the two, eh? It's brilliant, it's brilliant. Yeah, lots of kitchenware stuff here. Soph, let's see what else you've got elsewhere in 2022. Do you want to? Yes. God. Oh, if you could climb in my head and see how much I was enjoying this, you'd be shocked. Oh my God. Universal egg holder. Eggs again. Jesus Christ. I've never seen anything like it.

She loves eggs. Egg cutter, two piece multi-purpose fancy egg slicer. You put like in the space of a month, you bought like six different egg based, boiling egg, the end of egg. 53 purchases in 2022. They were all egg relatives. I want to make it fun for the children. They were only diddy at the time as well. They were small. So I used to make like flour eggs and Soft hard boiled egg cracker. Yeah. Oh, it's because I'm really shit at peeling an egg. I've actually, fun fact, I've just bought one off Amazon. Did I buy one off Amazon. No, I didn't.

I bought it off TikTok shop and it's one that you can actually just push it in and it's meant to just peel the egg immediately. So I'll keep you updated on that one. Please do. Does it work? I don't know. It's not arrived yet. So I can, I can let you know. Okay. Breaking egg news. If you could, that'd be great. That's what I thought the egg spinner was. Cause everyone needs help to get the shell off a hard boiled egg. It's just, you can get one though that does,

where you shake it in there and it gets your flame ever worked. I just used to smash my egg up. Right. That's a prodigy song. I'm sure it's a prodigy song. I don't, can I be honest? And this might be the end for you and me. I don't like eggs.

Oh, oh. I know, sorry. I'm really sorry. Wow, that was a mood killer. But I quite like it. You know, I like a fried egg. Nice. But boiled eggs just leave me a bit. It's not for me. Oh, not a dip the egg with the fried egg.

I've saved a fortune. I feel like you're not having it right. In kitchen gang. I need to get more gadgets, more egg based gadgets. All right, Emma, what we're going to do, we're going to skip ahead with you now. All right. So we're going to come through into 2020. All right. So we've seen you nesting before. I thought we were going to say we've seen you naked. We've seen you naked. We've seen you naked Amazon here. A lot of peanut butter. Oh yeah. Those big tubs. No, that's actually me. Oh wow. Oh, we found that first thing that she's actually bought. Congratulations everyone. Yeah. It's a kilogram of peanut

butter. You can never have too much. No, you can't. Elite. What? You don't like that? I love peanut butter. Oh fuck. I was about to say, don't like eggs and peanut butter. Who are you? Where the fuck are you? You must smell fine. I love going into work, right? And I've got- Not smelling of eggs. Yeah, it's just a thing. It's really nice, my colleagues appreciate it too.

I love going into work, right? And for a little snack, I'll get a jar of peanut butter and I'll get a knife and I'll just eat peanut butter straight from the- And that has really split the room. There are some people at work who gag when they see me doing that. Oh, I think that's absolutely fine. They're criminal. Thank you. Thank you. So you're both involved in that.

I put peanut butter on my sausage. I've tried that. That's weird. I tried that. My dog just looked at me and was like, please. Like a sausage, actual sausage on the barbecue, peanut butter. Don't knock it until you try it. Elite.

It's like a satay. Makes crazy like a satay. Sausage. Tell me you don't want a satay sausage. What else can you put peanut butter on? Cause there's the apple vibe. There's a banana thing. That's a thing. Apple and banana stuff. Yeah.

I put it in my porridge. Doesn't it get over claggy though? That's the only problem with peanut butter. No, you've got to get your consistency. You've got to get past the clag. Hold that glass of water on the side. Cause once it's in and it's going a little bit, just get a bit in there. Oh, I see.

Loosen it up. Loosening it up inside the mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to get past the clag. Hold that glass of water on the side. Because once it's in and it's going a little bit, just get a bit in there. Oh, I see. Loosen it up.

Loosening it up inside the mouth. Yeah, get up a bit. Yeah. The mouth storage device. Loosen it up in there. Takes poo and everything in there. Okay, fine, fine, fine. A lot of mouth-based stuff today. You've brought Zen Golf. Stefan. That book is still on my bedside table.

Never been raged. He loves golf. Is he a big golfer? It's a sore subject with Emma. I'm a golf widow. It's the most unreasonable thing to be into as a partner because it takes about 10 hours out of your day. So when someone's like, I'm just going to pop to the golf course. It's not just a pop though, is it? You won't see them all day. Do you like golf? Are you into it?

I co-host Britain's fourth biggest golf podcast. Oh, sorry. I really love golf. I completely get it. Yeah. It's a big hobby to commitment to the cause. How does your wife feel about it? Often played by awful people. I'll be honest. Often played by wonderful, lovely people, but often played by awful people.

My wife is furious because now I've sort of made it work. I can't help myself. So how often does he play? Oh, not that often. I don't think it's because again, you said that like that was your achievement. Yeah, no, I make sure. I put boxing gloves on him and then he can't. He can't hold his gloves. No, it's like we say kids, there's no time to do anything for fun.

So probably only like once every couple of months. How often are you out there? Oh, similar, similar. Yeah. Yeah. Same sort of thing. When the kids are a bit older, it does get easier, which is the most annoying phrase. Once a week are you out there? Not once a week. Similar, similar. Yeah. Yeah. Same sort of thing. When the kids are a bit older, it does get easier, which is the most annoying phrase. Once a week are you? Twice a week. But what I've done, what I've done is I've got the kids into it. Oh, okay. And you tell her, no, it's work. And I say, no, it's work. I've got to go and do some work and research. And like basically the same approach I use with the tax amount. Of course. Of course this is research. This is

important for my business. And then I go and play with the kids. So I'm actually taking the kids now. Oh, fine. This is the rule, right? As soon as you are getting any element of childcare, you can do what you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you took the kids with him, I would welcome it. Yeah. I'm going to Stag Day to Prague for a week. What the fuck? I'm taking the kids. Have a great time. Yes. Yes. It's free. Go for two months. Yes, I'll pay. We love our kids so much. We do love them. In 2022 Emma, we're seeing lots of kids stuff.

Gummy glove teething mitten for babies. Okay, this is when the desperate Amazon purchases started. Late at night. Late at night, I'm being pushed off all over my social media, all over my Instagram stories. You need this for your baby. It's going to help them sleep. They'll sleep for 90 hours a day. It's going to make you feel better. They'll never cry again. I'm like, okay, I'll buy it. I will do it. That didn't work. It doesn't work. No, it didn't work. How many things that we

buy on Amazon for young babies, especially actually worked? 1%. Yeah. I would say 0.5. Yeah. Not many. It's true though, isn't it? Yeah. We bought things like those curved cushions because our first one had colic and he just never, he didn't sleep for like four, literally the first four and a half years. He didn't sleep, he never slept through. So yeah, like all sorts of stuff. The weird, there was a thing called a cocoon that was like a foam with like these little spikes on it. Like not spikes, but it was like jagged. So the idea was the baby would sort of grip it and sleep. Oh nice. It didn't work. It didn't fucking work. It didn't fucking work.

And then it come out 10 years later that it suffocated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. We had the sleepy head. Yeah. And it was, at that time was great. It was like the corner pillow, but it had like a mattress base. That's what we had.

Yeah. Yeah. Are they okay? No, they got, they're okay now, but you're also going to leave them to sleep in it overnight. Yeah. Yes. And they've been rebranded. Your kids are a bit older than us. So the guidance has changed. You're fine. Oh, fine. Oh my God. Um, yeah. I mean, this is great. There's loads and loads of Amazon panic going on here, which is, is, you know, you can look at it and laugh now. Look back on that sad, Emma by the corner protector. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, what a time. Yeah, they don't really help.

They still plow their heads. They pull the fucking corner off. They're just like, yeah. The first day we put those on, my kid was there for a good 20 minutes, he's going, pick. Yeah, just pick it off. And then they get it off,

and then they headlock the corner. Yeah, that's what I mean. Just wham. Yeah, what's the point? And then they, I think they do it, and they just go, wow, get me a biscuit. Guys, another classic, the plug socket covers. I think these are a bit urban myth vibes.

I never had one. You don't need them. Who's ever found their baby going... Yeah, sticking their fingers in the plug. Do you know what I mean? See Stefan. You do get to that stage where you look back on all the stuff you bought and you're like, you just have to sort of suffer.

But parents are desperate and they'll buy anything. Yeah. It's such a open market. And I think sometimes you tell yourself that it's working because you want it to work so bad. That's true. Yeah. And you believe in it and you're like, get it.

Yeah. And then your friend's like, you bitch. I need the 60 quid I spent on that shit. Sorry, I'm real nice. They still don't sleep through the night. They still do. I'm still in a sad position. They're 25 now.

I tell you what does solve things, which they don't sell, is the passing of time. Yeah. That's the one. If I could buy that on Amazon, two years of your life gone in a blink. I'll have one of those, please. That would be great. And they're like, they're 10 and they're great. It's not true.

I miss that's the other problem as well. You see the pictures of them when they're three or two. That's hard. That is hard. It's awful. And you look back and you go, fuck, that was really hard. But now you're going to have a teenager and you're about to level up life. Shit's about to get really real for you.

I can't even think about it. I don't want to think about it. I'm too busy being smart and patronizing you saying, well, Mike is older than you, so everything's easy. I'm glad I'm through this stage. Oh my God. 2023, Sophie. Was a wild year for me.

166 orders. Wow. In a month. In a year. Month.. 166 orders. Wow. What are you doing? In a month? In a year? Oh, that's a lot. How much 166 orders?

One assume was mostly egg based. I think I went past the egg face. We've moved on from the egg era. Okay, fine. We'll have a little skirt through, because of course, particularly we're starting to run out of time just as we start to find all the different things. Juicy, juicy. We'll come back for part two.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really. I mean, look at this. It's really juicy stuff. We've got these six brown paper tape. particularly with starting to run out of time, just as we start to find all the different things. Juicy, juicy. We'll come back for part two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really. I mean, look at this. It's really juicy stuff. We've got these six brown paper tape. Oh yeah. Package tape. Yeah. Love that. Headlights for croc shoes. Oh yeah. They are cool though. They're elite.

I've never seen these. Haven't you? Oh my God. They're incredible. They go in the front of your croc. Yes. They're a giblet in the front of your croc. Good use of giblet. Yes. Great use of giblet. I mean just. For the kids or for you? We were going camping. No, I used them to walk. It was a face when we had our doggies, but unfortunately we free-homed them. But I used to take the dogs out and put the torches on my crocs. Oh yeah. Jojo's got them as well. They're cool. They're great. And great for things like mining. Yeah. Great for caving.

Yeah, caving, yep. Deep. Power cuts. Diving in the ocean. Oh. Just in case you need them. Diving in the ocean. Yeah, just, whoa, whoa. I'll lend you my dive watch.

Yeah, please, that would be great. In 2008. I didn't know those were a thing. Yeah, tremendous. If there's one product I'm taking from today, I'm gonna put a link to that product. Please. On the episode description,

headlights for croc shoes. Yeah, do you wear crocs? Absolutely not. I used to have a pair of Liverpool crocs, but I had to throw them away because they smell so bad. Wow. You can get croc socks. Yeah. And then you can just take the sock out and wash them. Yeah. That feels like the next step up. I just go back. I mean, you can get torches. I really want torches on my shoes. I love that idea. Elsewhere you have bought electric hot pot. You've bought a lot of crap. Look at this. A shower system worth £175 and a bath. A shower and a bath. Oh, I renovated my bathroom. You reinvented it? I thought you said reinvented. I renovated it. Ah, you did it yourself?

Yeah, I did it myself. Yeah, I did. Toed it. How old were your kids at this stage? When was this? 23. 23. So we are two years ago.

So six and- Five and four. Five and three. Five and three. How did you do that? Six and four. Six and four. Six and four, yeah.

Sorry, sorry. You had your own kids' ages, right? I don't know why I was trying to correct you. Six and four, they got involved. They painted the walls and yeah, yeah, we had a fun time. Did you tile it? Yeah, I did tile it. So it's really handy.

Seriously. And again, I'm whittling out what jobs Chris really needs to do. I'm an electrician, so I do all the electrics, I do tiling, I can paint everything, I take the bins, I build flat pack like a machine. Yeah. He's a stay at I build flat pack like a machine. He's the stay at home dad. We're a new modern fam. Oh nice. Yeah.

Fine, fine, fine. I'm the one that goes out. Because you can't parent. Yeah, the tablet does it. Aha, yeah fine. He does the actual parenting. Okay, fine. Good distribution of labor. Okay, love that, love that. 1st of July 2023, slime simulator games, slime stuff.

Oh, it's just a game with slime on it. It's for the children. It's for the children. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for clarifying. Yeah, good, really flattered that. A lot of these things are games for kids. Because they're fire tablets.

Yeah, God, in fact, most of this stuff is like Peppa Pig, Happy Mrs. Chicken, all that sort of stuff. Again, classic. Great games. I need to give it to my parents, my children. While I'm decorating, obviously, I was renovating, so a lot of free time. But it's really important as well,

because you talked earlier on about how little you let your kids go on screen. And you can really see that here. Yeah. Where I'm just seeing game. I think we did about 15 a day. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. It's fine.

It's like cigarettes back in the 80s. As long as it's under a pack a day, it's absolutely fine. Exactly, exactly. Sword Master, Ninja Runner, Desert, DIY, superhero skins for Minecraft. Yeah. Yeah. They don't spend much time on screen. You can see that. Not until honestly, not until basketball, battle, football. We have gone through this phase though. So I feel like the further you get into the Amazon, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It

stops. Yeah. We moved over to Apple and away from Amazon. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Knowing that. Oh, this is a good one. Look, 8th of November, 2023. 100,000 plus baby names. The most helpful complete update name book. So that was when you were pregnant? Yes. I bought that for myself. Oh, come on.

I thought it was such a nice life moment. No. How did you come up with your kids' names? You didn't use a book then? No, I didn't use a book. Well, Colby's was in a book, but Colby was just because I kept coming across it and I like Colby Jack Cheese. Lovely, lovely, lovely story. Dottie is short for Dorothy, which is my grandma Dorothy. And then Ren Lee was the surprise baby. But

I really love the name Ren, but I didn't think he suited Ren and I wanted the Lee like Colby, Dotty, Ren Lee. And he's a small bird. It's the last one in the nest and he's our last baby. And then all their initials are our eldest son's initials. So they're CDR and his initials are CDR. Oh wow. It always, that's like a Sudoku puzzle. There's loads of like symmetry and things like that in your name. Their birthdays are 789. They're born on the 7th, 8th and the 9th. No. Yeah. Yeah.

What? And the first two are 7889. What? He's born on the 7th of August. He's born on the 8th of September. And then the next baby, so 7889, 9, 3 killed him. He fucked it up by being born in March. Yeah, exactly.

All this information, by the way, thanks for giving us access to all your accounts because that's password-tastic right there. Thank you. You're so welcome. Although you've seen the Amazon password and no one's cracking that. That was insane. I have seen the Amazon passwords and that was like... That was wild, wasn't it? Yeah, that was like stepping into the matrix and seeing all the dogs.

You're welcome. I don't want to hear no more crying. Just come on, let me know what you've been buying. Guys, we're getting towards the end. What I'm gonna do very quickly, we're gonna have a look at your most recent purchases. All right, so Emma, I'm gonna have a look at the last 30 days, okay? On your Amazon account.

I can see, oh, 25 paper bags for parties. Yes. Gift bags. Oh, Yeah. Gifts bags. Oh nice. There's a lot of party shit on there. We just hosted my son's third birthday. At home. At a soft play of course, where else?

And it was bluey themed. Great, love that. So there's a lot of also bluey tableware on there. Cake toppers, balloons, table cloths, et cetera, et cetera. Party bags. Yeah, I actually had a big Amazon fail on the party bags. I thought they were going to be big. And it was one of those that when they turned up, they were minuscule. I hate that couldn't fit any of this stuff. So savage. Every product on Amazon needs to come with a picture of the product by a human

face. Yeah. It comes with the tape measure on there's the measurement doesn't it? I never look at that. Who's fucking looking at that? Exactly. That means nothing. I want to see. I know how big a human face is in I want to see in relation to a face. And we can see here as well just how sort of practical and down to business you are at this stage because you've also bought crystals for beginners. Guess what I'm going to say? Stan! No! Unbelievable. God he goes through such phases in his life.

He's a weirdo. What you his life. He's a weirdo. What you're saying is he's a weirdo. Golf, painting little people. He is so fatty. Yeah, crystal. Now he's getting into crystals. Now he's getting into crystals. Yeah.

Wow. Sure. So what, are you going to go home and find him? I don't, I... Do you believe stones have got, you know, auras and stuff? Honestly, I came home the other day and I thought there was like... Is he charging them? I thought there was like a bit of amethyst on the window sill.

I thought he was like getting, you know, the good energy from the sun or something. And I was like, what the fuck is this? But it turns out he had just been doing a TV job in South Wales and it was actually a bit of rock from a Merthyr Tydfil coal mine. So I was like, right. Okay. The two things here, the two, I've got confused by the, I saw the Amazon purchase. I saw the bit of coal from South Wales and I thought he's gone full crystals, but no, he's not. You just need to be on midlife crisis alert. That's all from all this stuff. You bought So Good,

the instant number one Sunday Times bestseller by Emily English. That was me. Food you want to eat designed by nutritionists. Hooray. Here she is, tell us about So Good. It's number one bestseller in a high protein diet. Emily English, she is a fabulous nutritionist.

Are you on a high protein diet? No, I'm not on any kind of diet, but. I would love to be a conversation opener. I would love you to sit down and go, you want a high protein diet? Do you know what I mean? Or are you just pleased to see me? We know about the kilogram of peanut butter.

Yes. So there is protein involved. She is who I aspire to eat like. She's an amazing nutritionist. She does great videos on her social media platforms. And then you know, like you see cookbooks and like chefs on social media and you're like, that's what I want to eat. Yeah, I do. That was Dr. Rupee. But whether I'll actually get around to a week. It's always just a week's fan. That's

the problem. She wears denim very well. Yes. All of the pictures are just her in bits of denim. She's very cool. Love denim. When we think of nutrition and eating well, so many of us jumped to the words diet, unenjoyable and sacrifice. Sometimes we should see healthy eating as something we should do. Sometimes we see healthy eating as something we should do rather than what we want to do. This sounds good. She makes amazing food, but I'm like, I should be eating her avotose for breakfast and not smashing a cream egg like I currently do. Did you have a cream egg? When, when we said eggs for breakfast, I mean, as an egg purist, that must upset you so much. A cream egg for breakfast. I would, because I get up really early and I do early hours on the radio show. So I will literally eat anything at any time of day. Like there are no rules.

I had a cream head hot cross bun today. It was a whole cream egg inside a hot cross bun from M&M's. For breakfast? For breakfast. That's a lot. That makes me feel so much better. Thank you guys. 10 to 5 this morning. I had three hunks of Toblerone. Oh my god. Are you on a high protein diet? Yes. Okay, good. So Emma, we'll leave you there with your healthy food. Thank you. I'm relieved. And the midlife crisis husband. That's fine. Definitely nothing to worry about that. I do feel like I the midlife crisis husband. That's fine. Definitely nothing to worry about that. I do feel like I need to get sign up from him for this episode.

And then we're going to come back to you. So before we finish today, and again, let's see just how much egg based products you have bought in the last in the last few months. We have got you can see you do your shopping on here. Yeah. Morrisons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I won't go through your Morrisons. No.

Suffice to say, eggs. That's all we need to know about. But then, look, last couple of things you've bought. You have bought- Some dinosaur egg porridge. You have bought dinosaur eggs, brown sugar, instant oatmeal, and some skates. No.

What? The boot covers for the skates. You've bought some covers. For the skates. Oh yeah.? They're boot covers for the skate. You've bought some covers for the skate. Oh yeah. For Dottie's Easter show. She's doing an Easter show. Don't say like, oh of course it's for Dottie. It's an Easter show. So hang on. They're dressed as cowboys, cowgirls, cow people. I don't think you've ever said the words ice skating yet. Ice skating. Yeah. Sorry, sorry. It's an ice skating show for Easter and they're five, six, seven, eight, my boobs couldn't, you know? How many clubs are your kids doing?

They only have one each. I don't know why my voice went. When I say I'm fine. They've only got time for one each and then all the tablet time. One does football, one does ice skating, but the ice skating and the football are very full on. It's multiple days. Oh, it's a multiple days thing? Yes, yeah.

Oh wow. He does football like four, five days a week. She does ice skating three. But the weekend, it's a Saturday and it's from 8.30 to 1.32. And we're there all day, stood in the ice rink. You don't? You stand there watching?

Yeah. It's not a drop and go? No, it's not a drop and go. Oh don't? Yeah. You stand there watching? Yeah. It's not a drop on go? No, it's not a drop on go. Oh, that's... What's wrong with you? She better get to the Olympics. Does she know that?

No pressure, darling. No pressure, sweetheart. Or at least dancing on ice. Yeah, I said dancing on ice. Yeah. Let's go for the Olympics. Yeah, let's go hard. Go hard or go home.

This has been, guys, so revelatory about your parenting styles, your approach to protein, eggs. Thank you so much for sharing everything. Far too much. So far too much. Not just about you, but about your other halves as well. Yes. Paul Stefan. Just Paul Stefan, who unwittingly was the third guest on today's Michael Porter. Without even knowing.

Amazing. Guys, I can't thank you enough. Sophie Nemer from Secret Mom Club. Thank you so much for coming on My Mate Bought a Toaster. And I'm now going to sign out of your accounts. Thank you. Okay, this is the moment where I just press this button. Glad you didn't find the 40 egg mini eggs. Oh shit! Mini eggs. In fact, hang on, look, if I just go to search all orders

and type in egg, right? How many, and this is across all of your... Social media platforms. All of them, all of your social media. Nine orders involving egg. I did order 48 cream eggs. You should have said that, right? I love it, thanks guys, that was brilliant. Nine orders involving egg. I did order 48 cream eggs. You said that with such pride. I love it.

Thanks guys, that was brilliant. Thank you. Thank you. That was great. It was so funny. There you have it. If you fancy a nosy at what other people have been secretly buying online,

you can find My Mate Bought a Toaster wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be back on Thursday with a brand new episode of Secret Mom Club. See you then. you hate your guests? Then join me, Catherine Boehart, as I sit down with some very special guests to discuss their dream do in brand new podcast, It's My Party, all to celebrate Comic Relief's 40th birthday. No need to RSVP, it's an open invite. Just look for It's My Party on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts or wherever you choose to listen.