Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Engagement Special!

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

It's official... Sophiena and Chris are engaged! After eight years and two wonderful children, Chris finally popped the question! In this very special episode, Sophiena reveals all about the moment he got down on one knee and the ring, plus Emma has come prepared with all of your questions and a cheeky celebratory tipple! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. The podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. Yeah, a safe space to share our secrets or our exciting news. And we have a very special episode today because someone has a huge announcement that we're all dying to hear about. So, how's your week been so? I'm engaged! Sorry about your ears.

Oh, headphone users, apologies for that. Apologies, I think we might have just broken our microphones. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It's a week ago today. It was exactly a week. I wasn't engaged was exactly a week. I wasn't engaged this time last week. I was just a normal lady in a normal world.

Just going about your life. Just going about my dirty laundry, quite literally. I don't know anything apart from what you've posted on Instagram. To be honest, I don't know. Do you feel like a different person? Yes. What? I feel like an emotional wreck. Do you? I can different person? Yes. What? I feel like an emotional wreck.

Do you? I can't stop crying. Every day? Every day. And then I just find myself just looking at it for hours. The ring. Yeah. And then Chris is like, what are you doing?

I'm like, oh, nothing. It's beautiful. Have you shared it yet? No. You haven't yet? No. Okay. I haven't shared it.

Are you going to talk about what it's like what it looks like today yeah are you gonna keep it no we can talk about it it's not secret I just you know when you just want to soak something up yeah and just for that moment for yourself yeah so we're having a photo shoot tomorrow an engagement shoot yes oh my god I feel so cringy saying that, but I'm absolutely relishing in it. I think it's quite an American thing to do an engagement photo shoot. Is it? Yeah.

We didn't have one, but I also hate having my picture taken. I feel like you'll be a natch. You're so photally. Shut the fuck up. Photally. You're so photally. Oh my God.

Thank you. You're a photally girl. How's Chris going gonna be with that is he oh it didn't have much yeah i haven't given him much no i've not given him any choice in the matter i've also started looking at weddings even though he told me not to jump the gun i've been searching everywhere have you wedding dresses bridesmaids making lists of who's coming who's not it's hard to not get carried away isn't it i've waited eight years because you've got the green light now like it's like go go go yeah it's green flags all

around yeah the party is happening and there is no way i just said to him look i'll give you the date i'll give you the time give you the venue just show up just turn up don't do anything oh god he's created a monster a bride's day i feel like i want to I just want it to be just like bridesmaids it's a party with the rest of them we've been told to close our eyes so we are closing our eyes and we're holding hands and Emma's hands are sweaty I'm really clammy I. They're very moist. I don't know what's happening. I don't know. Okay.

Three, two, one. Ah! It's a party! Prosecco, Prosecco. You're on the Prosecco train every day, right? What, what? Every day. Drinking every day.

I bought myself a bottle of 80 pound champagne the other day. not why the hell not i'm engaged i'm a fiance baby oh look at this oh my god it's chilled stop should we crack it look you did the honors what am i thinking you're the engaged one okay who does this in your house i do oh okay do you no chris does it all right i have tendency just to you know take my eye or somebody's out so this could see how this goes this could be really fun you've got lovely new nails as well thank you i hope you're able to um to open the bottle with those on you need to find the little tag or just rip just rip it just rip it yeah so at home you just say chris open this and I'll drink it. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Well, to be fair, I don't actually have to say it. He just knows. Oh, it's four o'clock. Better get the old bag of... Bag of wine. Bucket.

Bucket crutch. Right. Okay. We're nearly there, guys. No one panic. I hope no one's waiting on us oh come on i'm thirsty sorry sorry i'm scratching the table should we say what time of day we're recording this um it's currently 12 12 10 45 in the morning look it's five o'clock

somewhere you just have to say that you took the words right out of my mouth here we go you took the words right out of my mouth here we go is there a better sound than that no no no better sound no better love it or bum trumpet i mean they're up there with being the best sounds in the world should i hold the glass do we have to tilt it tilt it like a professional so you don't get too many bubbles. Oh, okay. There you go. Tell me who's the drinker between the two of us. Christ, that's a big pour. Oh, is it?

Jeez. Where are you going? That's very full. You have that one. No, you have that one because there's loads in it. Well, I'm still going to pour you the same amount. Okay, fine. Do you never do the test of the glass together?

What do you mean? Me and Chris have to make sure it's level. So we get the same amount. That really good that's really even you're very used to pouring look at that obviously these are lovely flutes as well aren't they yeah they're like the bulbous ones that are like tulip shaped lovely i was thinking more like the shape of my ring bring it always bringing it back bringing it back keep it on topic it's gonna i keep taking cheers cheers a toast to you we're engaged hang on hold on my mouth is so dry oh shit that's fresh shit that is so delicious why does it taste so good at this time of the morning i mean after

i haven't had breakfast i'm gonna be neither of us i'm gonna be on the floor i didn't even have a coffee but i still had a poo at waterloo nervous shit speaking about cheers to us you made it sound on your announcement video that you did on instagram about the engagement special that me and you were engaged yeah you're like i'm going to see Emma for the first time. I haven't seen her in ages. And we're going to be talking about our engagement, baby. That would be big news. I feel like it is.

Here's a term for the books. I'm engaged to Emma. Kristen. Oh, what? What? christmas oh what it's coming through the nose already jesus i we're not safe we're not safe to drink on my jesus holy moly she's gone she's gone already um i don't know what we were talking about listen me and you being engaged but that's that's not the point of that story it's not that's not the announcement for right now no not for

right now but stay tuned folks because you never know we're getting on like a house on fire do you know what though how many people say that they love our relationship really and you know how many people have noticed so so many people messaged me and was like oh how many years have you known emma and i was like we only know each other from doing this and this yeah yeah so people are obviously gobsmacked by that but the amount of people that have messaged me to say how lovely it is listening to each episode and how much our relationship has grown because it's been in like real time basically real time for you and me and for them anyway it's not about me basically we're engaged it's about you and Chris and i want to

take it right back to the beginning because the only thing i've seen is the video um i've been on holiday let's explain i've been on holiday in france haven't really been checking my phone that much didn't have internet whatever so the only thing i've seen is the video that you posted first of all why have you got cameras filming in your house i thought that was very creepy but love a lovely moment to capture so what happened at that moment in time can you explain it to me how did it go down specific moment yeah what went down so i just put the dinner on like i normally do because we got back from the school run sorry chris is messaging me now oh gosh i was obsessed with you i need to get married god so basically i put dinner

on for the babies was going about my day colby had had an incredible school report so i was absolutely buzzing i was reading through i'd been to the shop and got in some stickers because it was so good and we were putting them in the sticker book and i was waiting for the potatoes to cook so i sat down in my normal seat like if you've on my instagram i'm always in that seat every morning it's like my throne so i just sat down in my normal seat waiting for dinner to cook and i was putting the cards in and we were just chatting away and then chris just randomly went so what do you want for your birthday and i kind of didn't acknowledge it to start with and i was just like oh you know i'm not really you know i'm

not really too fussed i'm not really a birthday person i'm much rather a giver than a taker the nicest way of putting that possible i'd rather gift somebody and see the joy of somebody else receiving the gift than me taking it same yeah okay day um and then we a couple more minutes passed and chris was like no seriously what do you want i was like look it's just another birthday another year same gift and he was like well what's that and i was like well an engagement ring of course so still carried on putting the cards in and he just went well funny you should say that and then turned and just got down on one knee oh my god i shit you not i didn't smile there was just all that was going through my head is this is a joke but i'm being pranked yeah ashton where you at i just honestly thought it

was an absolute joke and then i was like we're together 24 hours a day seven days a week where have you taken the time and then it was going in my i don't know why i was thinking about this shit when this scenario is happening and then i was like wow he's kept a secret from me like he's not lied but i'm now questioning he's proposing to me but i don't actually know who you are you can't trust this man who is he so once all of that just settled for about 10 minutes i then obviously he was like do you want to put it on so he pulls out the ring pulled got down on one knee pulled out the ring but all in this time of me analyzing and processing all of this happening, going through my head, bless his heart, he was just still on one knee.

I had to clip the video down because he was about there for 12 minutes. Yeah, it looked like it happened quickly, but that's not how it went down in real life. No, I had to cut, I had so many questions in between. And you didn't say yes straight away? No, because I was, I didn't, I was so shocked and taken aback by the whole thing. What did he say? Did he have like a little speech prepared? Did he just say, will you marry me?

He just said, when I said, obviously i'd love an engagement ring and then they we obviously got that bit out of the way and then colby was like daddy would love you to be his wife oh don't you're gonna cry oh god i can't believe the baby's new and they kept it a secret dotsy knew for like seven weeks how did she she'd gone to the lady's house she'd picked all the she'd picked everything to do with the ring and then they all went to pick it up together and like yeah when chris was talking about it and then i was like is this a joke and like colby and dotty were like no no it's not a joke like it's serious we've been to the lady's house and who's the lady the lady with the ring is somebody that is a really good friend of mine that I grew up with when I was younger obviously you could do distance don't you but you still

have them on social media so I still sort of follow up and catch up on them but I've always followed his sister because she makes jewelry and she's done some funny videos and she shared my tiktoks where I joke about still waiting on a ring and she shares them and we've always had this kind of for the last sort of year had this funny joking way of of like talking about it and laughing about it together and yeah Chris contacted her and she handmade handmade the ring but yeah I was sat there talking to Chris and saying is it a joke and then just out of nowhere and Chris was like I didn't even tell him to say it and he was just like yeah daddy would like you daddy wants to know if you'll marry him and I was just like did you cry and I said yes and hugged Colby and Chris was like all right I do I hugged him and I was like yes I'll marry daddy

I'm amazed that they did so well to keep it secret because they're only little so Dotsie was I think she was just more interested in playing with um our friend's little girl because they're only little so dotsy was i think she was just more interested in playing with um our friend's little girl because they went around the house and she was playing with her and i think she was just more excited that the fact that she could go back to play with the little girl again yeah so the um that was chris wasn't worried about dots but it was colby and chris was like every day every morning every evening colby was like have you given mama a ring yet and chris was like i can't do you know how long it was that they were waiting for four days okay whereas dots knew for seven weeks but chris said every day since bringing him home he's asked or he'll

just walk past and go oh have you given mama it's amazing because they spend so much time with you as well the babies that i can't believe they didn't let it slip i'm literally judging not only chris but the children as well. Yeah. Dottie most. What an absolute criminal. You can trust. Mastermind. You can't trust anyone. I wasn't scared before of her.

Now, frightened to death. You need to sleep with one eye open. Yeah. I've got so many questions. So did the ring, did Chris design it himself? Yeah.

So the stone is a marganite stone. There's a lot of meaning to the gem. Okay. I always say marganite, but I don't ever know. so the stone is a marganite stone there's a lot of meaning to the gem okay we say marganite but i don't never know i don't know what marganite is so it's just a stone that just brings like love happiness and just really lovely things so i only told chris about this stone when we first got together which was how many years ago eight years i've never spoken about it ever again it's not something that's ever come up because it's just not something you really talk about, is it? When you're not on the same page

and you talk about engagement or getting married and he just says, oh, we'll do it one day. One day we'll do it. You know, don't worry about it. It'll be one day. And that's basically what he said for eight years. So I never brought it up. I never talked about it.

And then, yeah, he went and got, picked the stone. He was like, all I know is that she wants a marganite stone. And he was like she doesn't want it i didn't want it square i didn't want it round i didn't want it flowered i didn't i just don't want i didn't want it to be like a generic yeah no offense to anybody that has a square or circle it's a really individual thing i wanted it to be yeah really individual so he went yeah with a teardrop and he went for peach margarite with a with a rose gold band it's beautiful it goes so well together I just can't get over it I can't get over eight years to be fair that's uh that's solid for after eight years yeah I mean that was that was worth waiting eight years yeah it really was i just can't get over it i mean maybe

he really is listening to what you say to him i did maybe he does actually really really like me maybe this is maybe maybe this is actually a sign he's not cheating on me guys even though we have no itchy legs he's not cheating on me well how often do you ask him how often over eight years have you asked him isn't it funny so when i've done tiktok videos on it people say oh all she does is get on him all the time about it she must just moan and i literally never ever talk about it right because i'm so comfortable in our relationship i don't need a bit of paper i don't need i don't need and i've always said to him i don't need a ring like i've got enough in our life but it would be very nice of course it would and it feels really good but you do want to be married i just want the same surname right so i just said to him as long

as we have the same surname we can we can discourage everything else yeah but obviously having a ring is just it's changed everything the bitch is going wild now you best all get your bloody hat she's got a guest list she's got a venue she's got a date i do i do actually have like a day do you yeah but i think it's too soon it's okay so i was gonna say you're thinking of a long engagement or no just i've waited eight years get it done chris wants to kind of wait eight years to plan the wedding i'm like eight weeks eight months we'll go we'll push it to eight months yeah yeah okay yeah i mean you might as well now do you know time like the present yeah what are you waiting around for exactly exactly he just goes to me the day oh why don't we just have another baby and then we'll do the wedding after that i was

like whoa whoa it's too long too long it's too long but then you go through that thing though what if you have another baby though after the wedding they're not in the wedding photos it's different though like our baby wasn't in our wedding photos but then i suppose you've got other children to compare it to yeah so they're gonna look back and be like why were them two in the wedding yeah yeah tough one dilemmas but that's why i'm just like let's just hurry the process not that we're planning a baby before anybody thinks having lots of itchy legs we're not all right i've got so many more questions for you but i don't want to encroach because we've got listener questions to put to you as well so we'll do that after the break. Let's go for a poo. Welcome back.

Cheers, boo! We're still on the 10am Prosecco, baby. Look! We should explain. We're having an engagement special. You're a wife to be. I can't even take all this in. I'm struggling to process all of this.

We're having a little Prosecco. There's some special balloon graphics going on behind us. We're celebrating, baby. Ching, ching, motherfuckers. Woo. Cheers. Me and Emma are getting engaged. To the happy couple. Me and Emma. getting engaged. To the happy couple.

Me and Emma. I love you, Chris. We're not getting engaged, despite how it may sound. My announcement video, I tell you, I'm shit with words. It wasn't the best, I'm sorry. But no, me and Emma are not engaged. No, sadly we're not. But you are marrying Chrissy.

The love of my life. Kristoff. Kristoff. And the listeners have sent some questions. My Instagram has been blown up. It's been lit. Yes, I'm excited. There's a lot of questions. I tried not to read any because I wanted to...

Save it for this. Yeah, save it for it. So that if anybody else had the similar or same question, it's everybody's. This is the exclusive. If you want the juicy goss, you've got to listen to the podcast. And drink Prosecco while you do it. Yes, please.

Yes, please. All right, here we go. So the first question is from Lauren. She says, did you ever tell Chris what design you wanted for your engagement ring? We did briefly cover this, didn't we? I absolutely did not. I told him that I wanted what stone I wanted. And I want to say it was probably about cycle.

Three weeks into our relationship. So you dropped a hint eight years ago. Yeah. And he's come up with the goods. Never talked about it since. I might have talked about it on like a TikTok live or, you know, when somebody asks you. But never like categorically me and Chris as two people have gone, what would you like? Yeah.

I just wanted it i've always said like unique yeah and that's he delivered yeah were you surprised like with what he came up with yeah so when he like opened the box i think that's what took me aback is that it just wasn't the box had a light in it to start with and the box was like glowing it was just beautiful and going ah will you marry me imagine it sung that would have been that'll be the next thing but yeah i'd never um i just was so taken aback the moment he opened the box even now just talking about it it happened so quickly and so fast i don't think i took any of it in because i was just in like an utter state of shock but when he opened it i was just like what the hell like i told him just to go to argos this isn't from argos um but yeah i just can't it's lovely

thank you darling do you just keep looking at it all the time every day yeah and i do i do like a little polish yeah and i try to go for like an inside so that keep it soft yeah you're damaging plus this bit's been exposed to outside chemicals hasn't it other people's germs and things and i don't want to rub it on my eyes you've taken it off because i saw that you were i know i keep taking off the cleaning keep taking it on and off. Yeah. And someone was like, that's the best way to lose it. Oh. And then I literally panicked. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to keep taking it off. But you don't want to damage it as well.

Do you know what I mean? I've been wearing one Marigold. One glove for the mother's pride. One glove. I actually don't like Marigolds. But anything for the ring. Anything. Yeah, I'll do anything for the ring. Anything. Oh yeah.

I'll do it for the ring. Show me your ring. I'll show you mine. I'll show you mine. Show me yours. All right. Let's go on to a question from Kerry. She says,

are we going to get to join you along the fiance to wife journey? One million percent. Obviously. Obviously. It's Safina official, baby. My ovaries just shriveled up like prunes obviously you document everything i do document everything i do i do and i would love to share it and it's the only thing is is it's just it's a hard it's a hard territory isn't it with social media people can be very unkind because my engagement was staged

just in case you didn't you didn't catch that memo of my ring doorbell that I placed the camera there it was staged yeah it was set up no I did wonder though how did you have the footage from inside your house because the ring camera's there all the time so for the last year and a half I've been posting videos of like me dancing on the table but then chris's perspective so when chris used to go out to work he'd catch me on the ring doorbell just shaking my tush but why is your ring doorbell recording inside and not outside your front door i do have one in the front door so we have the one in the conservatory for the doggies when we're out so i can talk to the doggies okay yeah so the camera was just there the people have accused you of staging it yeah yeah yeah yeah i bought a ring dog bell just especially for um the ring internal camera just especially for that

haven't been posting any of them in the last year but yeah it's hard isn't it because you want to share it and I want to be excited about it but it just comes at a um price of people judging. Yeah. Yeah. And how much do you feel comfortable sharing? Are there things that you want to keep to yourself? And there are also going to be things that like, for example, the dress. You don't want Chris to see that. I don't.

So there are going to be some things that you're going to have to keep private. I feel like, you know, everyone bans us from WhatsApp and each other and tells us to stop talking to each other. Yeah. I am just going to stop talking to each other. I am just going to send you wedding stuff now. Yeah. So I found dresses that I really like.

I feel like we should have a secret mum club edition in a wedding shop. Wedding spam. Yeah, we should explain. We're not allowed to have general chat with each other because we have to save all our chat for the podcast. We get told off. We get told off. Yeah, for doing that. Because we talk too much. But please send me wedding spam. I planning my wedding it's so much fun and i think when people say they

find it stressful i'm like no it's all the best things i'm just so excited yeah you get to go and look around venues you get to try dresses on you get to taste food cake what's not to meet loads of lovely people meet loads of people i'm just so excited for this little journey it's gonna be great i'm just because obviously i did it with my sister when my sister got married but my sister got married now god i worked this out the other day so my niece was 18 months she's coming up 14 so like 12 years ago and you've not had a wedding in the family since no oh my brothers but obviously my brother his wife she had us involved but she was mainly doing it like with her mum and her sister yeah so you i don't you don't really see the when it's your brother's partner you do like she kept

us involved and we we were doing as much as we could because we were bridesmaids and stuff like that but you don't really ever get involved because she does it with like her family yeah so yeah i didn't wasn't really involved with that but then does it with like her family yeah so yeah i didn't wasn't really involved with that but then my sisters it was nice we've got to go to all that were you a bridesmaid my sisters yeah yeah i was a maid of honor and then i was a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law maid of honor just made me think what you can do if you hen do i don't know where should we go i don't know but should i plan it do you want to be my maid of honor yes i don't want to back you into a corner but i really feel like this is the moment where the question should

be asked set the seed early i say i wouldn't have anybody else if i'm honest with you we're not getting married but i will be there with you every step of the way i'll pretty much be stood at the end of the aisle waiting for you she said yes to me guys she said yeah what do you want though because some people like don't want to fuss some people want to go to vegas so where are you on that scale chris wants to do vegas yeah nice but i don't want to do vegas it sounds really really stupid i want to evolve it around the babies so i want to have like my hen do is all about dot yeah and then chris has a stag do that's all about colby colby goes to vegas they made our whole relationship and i truly believe that had we have never had the children i don't know that we would have had such an incredible relationship

like they made from the moment we met we fell pregnant really early they're the whole duration of our their existence yeah everything that makes me and chris who we are today so i want to make it so much about them so i just want to do like a hen do that's all around her so like disney of course yes it'll be at home it'll be disney princess themed i'm thinking like we could go to paris disneyland paris and i was thinking if you had it in Paris, very beautiful, you could pop to Disney for a day. Yeah. I just can't get on a plane. You know, I haven't waited eight years to have children get engaged

and then something happened to me on a plane. You don't fly? No, I haven't flown in ten years. Oh, I didn't know that about you. That's a story for another day, isn't it? Wow, save it. Save it. Save it for the podcast. Put that one in the wank bank. Wow, I just call it notes on my phone but okay do you have another question let's move on swiftly from that one all right jane says i'm gonna wet my whistle hold on do you want to wet yours yeah go on i've done more than you though

lube up it's obviously you've got a bigger mouth it's these retainers isn't it i'm well on my way uh also i've been up since 4 30 this morning i was five okay fine not far we're not far behind we never are you've been working though early doors yeah yeah you've just been pissing around pissing around on instagram all right jane says more ring chat can you post a picture of the ring? We really want to see it. So I am having a photo shoot tomorrow. We're having a little family photo shoot. And there will be more pictures of the ring coming. I just wanted to soak it up.

I just wanted to soak it up and enjoy it and just live in this little bit of a bubble. Even though I've been talking about it and we're living in it, there's still people in our real life that haven't seen it in real life form so i wonder it's a bit like a baby isn't it you don't announce the baby's name until you yeah everyone's or announce the picture of the baby yeah until everybody's met the baby i kind of this is my baby yeah handle it with care third child don't kiss it don't look directly at it don't get germs on it yeah doesn't need a cold slaw thank you but yeah i just there's just some people that in our real life that haven't seen it

plus like even like real life like you like coming to see you like you haven't seen it so we're trying to cover everybody to make sure that everybody that is so special to us has seen it yeah in real life even though i have i've flashed it a bit yeah you know i haven't kept it i flash my boobs i can flash them again don't worry you've been still doing like some stuff sneaky sneaky little glimpses on instagram but not like a full full frontal so it will be this week yeah exciting i'm so excited who hasn't seen it still Because I saw from Instagram that you'd had a pretty constant flow of visitors since you got engaged. Yes. So we, I am seeing my nieces and my nephew tonight because it's my niece's birthday.

So that's like the final ones is them to see it and then we can see it. Yeah. Exciting. Exciting. All right. Gemma wants to know, what was the first, oh, we've already talked about this a little bit as well, but let's elaborate. Gemma wants to know, what was the first oh we've already talked about this a little bit as well but let's elaborate jemma wants to know what was the first thing you said when chris popped the question shut up is this a joke i literally went shut up this is a

joke looked him dead in the eyes as well you've just brought back a memory for me when stefan proposed to me i said shut up shut up yeah because i was so taken by surprise i think i reckon that's a more common response than you think let us know that's how you responded when you got proposed oh i'd love to know yeah people's first yeah what did you say yeah the fact that would be such a good thing to know yeah shut up or like shut the fuck off the stronger version just facts these new retainers so you said shut up then you had this internal thought is this a joke process but i just said shut up this is a joke you're joking are you taking the piss i think i covered every aspect of yeah mocking yeah like shut up you're

taking the piss this is get out of here fuck off no don't give me the ring no then when did you how long did it take for you to actually say yes it was probably about 13 minutes it was a long time and chris was like that i waited for a really long time she's been asking me for eight years and now she can't even say yes and the shock kind of set in and then i just spent like a good hour and a half just crying like crying like i sobbed like a bitch i just sat in the bath with tears just running into the water chris was like are you okay and now i was like poor chris i know he must have thought you were genuinely upset he must have thought i was a

fucking psycho he probably thought what have i done yeah too late to back out now i haven't seen this side of her but you said yes in the end i did and that's the main thing i feel like the words didn't need to be said i think if you put the ring on yeah and they don't immediately say no perfect size yeah i was going to ask did he take one of your other rings to get it measured? Because that's... No, because this is the only one I wear and I don't have any other rings. Oh, and that's always on your finger? Always.

So he doesn't know. No. Very creepy. Very creepy. Fuck, has he been touching me while I sleep? If I get it off, I'll be swollen as fuck. Maybe he measured your ring finger while you were sleeping. Should never touch anyone while they're sleeping.

So inappropriate. Always get consent. I can't get this off. Oh, there we go. So that would have been really hard for him to get. But you've always got that on, so you can't have taken that one. And there's no other ring at home.

If you're listening to this, Chrissy, let us know. Yeah, how did you do it? We need to get him on. Because a lot of these questions are for Chris. They are. So I think let's get him on and interrogate him. I did say that we need a Stefan and Chris edition. A Harvey special.

Because I think it would just be so funny with them doing like a takeover. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do it further down the line. We'll get there. All right. This one's from Mel. She says, are you going to have an engagement party?

Do people do these um i'm trying to think whether we i'm gonna get married so quick that there won't be no time to plan an engagement party i don't think we did but people definitely do it's a thing i don't know if i will have an engagement party like we're going out for dinner, like a family dinner. We were going to go this weekend, but Colby's been ill. Again, another story for next week's episode. Save it, save it. We'll be in trouble.

But yeah, I don't know. A nice meal. It's a nice excuse to just get everyone together and like have a celebration, isn't it? I think. Yeah, but that's more planning. It's not so much that. I always just feel like the pressure, because I don't put pressure on anything in our lives i'm kind of off the cuff yeah do things as they come if we're going out like if there was something to happen tomorrow and we ended up just

doing a party i'd be like well hey because i feel like the best memories are the ones that you don't plan yeah so because i i don't know because we've had people coming and going i wouldn't want to put the pressure on people to have to come and celebrate well that is kind of what a wedding is i know yeah well that i can't but that's like the main event i know what you mean you don't want to keep like adding things on like okay come to my engagement party come to my hindu and come to my wedding yes which is probably going to be a three-day event because they all are these days what hindus weddings it'll be like come on the friday have something on the friday night wedding on the saturday everyone breakfast on sunday everyone leaves i was thinking like the prosecco i'm so

sorry let's get down with it does that only work for bum only for your bum, sorry. Noted. It's the bubbles, darling. It's the bubbles. I just don't want people to feel the pressure to be like, oh, going back to the weddings, I was thinking just sort of an hour. Marriage, party, get out of there. It's a full day, like, thing. At least a full day.

And if you're going to a destination, it's a full weekend. Sometimes a long weekend. Chris wants to do Venice. venice italy chris has got big ideas chris wants to do a vineyard lovely lovely but i was like dude we can just do a vineyard here in wickham you can do one like yeah you can do a vineyard in the uk yeah exactly that's what i said but he wants to go he wants to go i was like what about a nice chateau in France? Yes. Because then everyone can just come and stay.

Yeah. We can all just go for a holiday. Yeah. Or have a party. Yes. And it'll be like the wedding. I want it to be like that. It's not like this is the wedding on this day.

That's what I mean. I think that's too much pressure. Yeah. And also you're only going to get married once, hopefully. So it's nice to drag it out a bit. Yeah. You've got to milk it. I had like a five day thing. So I feel like if we go to a chateau and we're all there for a week we can do a couple of days of just piss arson around get married carry on the celebration yeah and it will just blend in that's lovely i love that kind of wedding where it's like people are

like oh i don't want to put pressure on people i'm like no give me a destination i'm there i'm going small and intimate i'm going for a really small, intimate, lots of special people. That was going to be my next question because numbers will really have an impact on what kind of wedding you have. So. We're just going little. Little and intimate. How little? I'm thinking like 40, 50.

Yeah, that is quite small. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had 130. I'm going to be brutally honest here. Judge me all you want. You know.

You're not invited. You are invited. No, stop. Obviously, I'm the maid of honour. So, I'll be there. Do it over Skype. Dan, you've got to actually tune in for this wedding. Producer Dan's the best man.

Let's go. Producer Dan. Producer Dan's the best man. I wanted to, what were we saying how many people 40 50 40 50 small intimate people oh that's what i was going to say is to small intimate people i'm not that small and i'm not you are quite good you are quite good i'm not intimate with any of you how dare you we were talking about them as to small and intimate yeah so you're no i was saying that's going to have an impact on what kind of wedding you can have because if

you're going to go abroad and do that kind of thing small groups quite nice if you're thinking big numbers then you might want to keep it in the uk okay right we're back in the room back in the room back on track so i was saying you know when you go through like your mum's wedding album there's many a times i scrolled my mum's wedding album and i go oh who's that she goes that's gina she's a bitch didn't talk to her stop talking to her the day of the wedding i'm like oh right okay and then you go through don't you nobody absolutely nobody in their wedding their wedding album do does my mom and dad talk to anymore no so i'm thinking the people that i want at the wedding are people that one have been with chris because they're all of his best friends they've been with him family and people that are

special in our children's lives yeah because it's really hard and it's something i'm taking into consideration is that chris has a lot of friends there's a whole lot of friends that comes with chris friends that he has but i've met maybe once or twice right they've got a partner and they've got children but i said to chris our babies don't know that person i've met them maybe once or twice they're your friend but they don't know our babies yeah and i just think that's something i want the children on the day to be so insanely comfortable to know everybody yeah and also i don't want to go through my wedding album go oh that's that's your dad's friend yeah i met him a couple of times but yeah we don't talk to them it's really hard i mean

there's so many politics around a wedding guest list like it's one of the first things we started doing after we got engaged which is similar to you like we put a wedding list together and the numbers are way too high so we had to like cut them back immediately for the venue and me and Stefan disagreed a bit on like he'd be like oh I think I should have this like distant relative and my thing was really like I don't want to look out at the wedding and see people that I don't really know yeah so I was like quite strict on that and also I think different to you we didn't have a baby at the time and so we didn't have children at the wedding oh okay but obviously you've got kids so if you open it up to people's children that is going to boost the numbers

massively if you're going to have people's whole families there but then i don't think you can also say to people yeah you can come but without your partner and children i don't agree with not like not that you you know, other people are allowed to do it, but me personally, not having kids. I would not, not have children.

I think that changes after you have children though. Does it? I don't know. Maybe you would have had it before, but because our numbers were so tight, we were like, people will just have to come without their children. We did have family children,

like nieces and nephews, but nothing beyond that, because otherwise the numbers would just have been insane. But some people, even though you open the invitation to say, children can come some people say do you know what no i actually don't want to bring the baby well that's the thing and actually now if people say to me you're invited to my wedding but it's no babies i'm like fine i'll have like yeah lucky enough to have a babysitter me we'll have a night off like that's great i respect your decision to

not have children there that's fine yeah But obviously your situation is you're going to have your children there. Oh, 100%. Obviously. And other people's children. Yeah. But that's, that's a problem for numbers.

It is a problem for numbers. It's going to be a lot of people. But obviously that's, that's the wedding you want. I was going to say, I'd rather have children than have grownups, but only, you know,

just because I'm a, I'm a dickhead. I don't ever act my age and i just love just farting around yeah on the same level yeah children yeah like i just like i said the babies are such a huge part of our lives and they're everything and as much as i it's a special day for me it's a special day for the four of us. Yeah. Like it's huge. And Dots has got big plans. She's up there with Bea. She wants her own engagement ring. She's picked out her dress.

She wants the whole shebang. And do you know what? I'm not, I'd rather scrimp on 100 guests if she wants a dress that's a million pounds. You know, that's extreme. But do you know what I mean? I'd rather, on the what i mean i'd rather on the tiny details i'd rather have tiny details that are perfected and things that are perfect

rather than having yeah yeah susan who used to live next door to my mum 15 years do you know what's the worst thing that we have now from our wedding is like people that were together at the time that have now broken up yeah they're front and center in all our photos we're looking back now being like oh that's so-and-so's ex don't even talk to her anymore that's a shame that's what you mean and that's the unfortunate thing that is life isn't it those things do happen yeah i get that but i just wanted to be people that have been in our lives for the whole duration of our relationship and that means something to the babies yeah yeah all right we've got the final question i think is it yeah it's from kelly oh okie dokie

she says oh we've we might have been over this a bit already but let's we'll go on kelly says what would your dream wedding look like i just would like so do you know what when i was growing up i always wanted a winter wedding i always wanted a cold wedding cold wedding big dress yeah now i kind of want warmish and slim dress okay which wouldn't have been anything that i would have you know take it back eight years now my wedding now to what it was back then is completely different i think if you're doing a wedding in the uk winter wedding is a really good idea because then you don't have the stress of the weather i cannot tell you how many times i checked the forecast we got married in wales in may wow very risky risky business it turned out to be one of the hottest days of the

year i think it's actually if anything too hot people were sweating um but yeah just the stress of knowing like you want it to be hot and sunny is it going to be probably not but we were lucky if you're doing it abroad say you're quite you'll be fine yeah i think you're going to be quite lucky but yeah if i was going here i think i'd want like a christmas themed wedding okay as trashy as that sounds it's not trashy it can be really classy oh no i want like you want it trashy i want santa there i want the vicar dressed up as santa claus although i don't santa does scare me so that might not be a very good idea I can't do well with people dressed up but yeah I don't know I want it to be just really I would really love like boho chic vintage like really rustic dried flowers yeah because I love dry flowers just really earthy tones do you like

a barn or something if it was in the UK yeah maybe barn but then the barn to if you were going to France Chateau can run quite boho chic similar you know yeah but I also do love the idea of having everybody in like white oh really everybody and you me Chris the babies the guests even if it's just like white linen like or like cream linen like linen trousers with a linen shirt that would be lovely for a hot European wedding. Yes. That would go really nice. But that's funny because a lot of brides don't want anyone else.

In fact, that's a bit of a faux pas. There is no restrictions. To wear white at a wedding. No, I have no restrictions. Because they don't want the attention taken away from them. If you want to wear white, girl, you wear white. I'm not bothered about any of that. I wouldn't have been either.

No. Because obviously you're still going to be the main event. Of course. It's all still going to be about me. It's all still about me. I'm Sophia, your official. She said as she flashes the to be the main event. Of course. It's all still going to be about me. It's all still about me. I'm Sophia, your official. She says as she flashes the ring and the manicure. Hey.

He liked it and he put a ring on it. But no, I'm not, no restrictions. Okay. Babies can come. Where? Hi. Olé. Hey.

Shit. You spilt the, right, lick the, lick. Don't waste it! It's on my goggles as well. Oh, shit. Sorry. Sorry, Adam. He's gone for bug roll.

Bit tipsy, aren't we? God. It's half ten in the morning and we've had half a bottle of vodka. It's not half ten now, is it? Dunno. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh!

Let's move this over here. Do you know what it is? Sorry, guys. It's that massive ring. That rock keeps knocking things over. You're not... Look at this. You can't be trusted what it is? Sorry, guys. It's that massive ring. That rock keeps knocking things over. You're not... Look at this. You can't be trusted.

Elephant bum roll this. Blue roll. We call it elephant bum roll. Elephant toilet roll. It's elephant bum roll to... Right, I'm just going to mop up the Prosecco here. Look, honestly. So, yes, I've got no restrictions at all.

I like that. I like that. Yeah. I just want us all to be pissed full up and having a good time what are you thinking re music dj or band oh or iphone iphone do it yourself yeah don't want anyone are you having to mixing on the decks poor dave in the corner not living up his life do you not think you can't be a live band though? Or are you not bothered?

It's so funny like what's important. Sorry, I'm just mopping up. Yeah, yeah, but you're fine. Share with me. The year we got married, we went to 10 weddings. 10? Yes. Are you mad? Including ours.

It was like the busiest wedding year ever, 2018. So we came up with like a list of like good things, bad things. Some of them were before our wedding. So we like stole ideas that we wanted and things that we definitely didn't and it's just interesting what's important to different people so we were like we definitely want live music Stefan's from a really musical family his dad plays in a band they can all sorry they can all sing they're basically the von Trapp family so he was like I am not not having a live band I was like great okay but that's a really

expensive thing right so that's like one thing that you splash out on yes some people you go to their wedding they're like don't care about music i'm just gonna play music off my phone that's fine some people really care about food so you'll get like an amazing seven course taster menu some people are like don't care stand up and have a burger van or whatever oh yeah you know it's just interesting what's what's some people don't even have a cake i went all big on the cake because did you yeah because i love cake so that was like a big thing for me some people are like cakes a waste of money no one eats it let's not bother i wanted a french fancy just one join on was french fancy yeah it's my favorite cake in the world and i just want one massive french fancy saw you with one on your instagram story the other day is chocolate your favorite one no pink one no yellow

one lemon oh that's the worst get out i'd go pink chocolate yellow well at least i know who to share my french fancies with chocolate's my worst oh too plasticky doesn't taste doesn't taste real enough for me but of all those things like obviously you can pick and choose what you want the pressure at your wedding is getting worse i'm not really too bothered i think i like the idea of like a harpoonist is it a harpoonist a harpist oh is it a harpist because i think a harpoon is like a um bow and arrow a harpoon is something you catch a whale with it's a spear well i don't fucking want one of them i think so you don't want people i want a harpist a harpist yeah pissed so that you know again another reason for me to be a maid of honour. Stefan's sister's a harpist.

I can sort you out. Fuck, right. Stefan. I'll hook you up. Yeah, harpist is lovely. Love a harpist. Very classy. So basically, you can come then,

because one, you're the maid of honour, and Stefan can just bring his Von Trapps family. Musician family. Yeah. Yeah, great. There we go. Sorted. Done dealio.

I've got a photographer. She did the photos for the um for the for here oh yeah for the podcast holly's gonna do my wedding photos sorted done dillio videographer or not some people do some people don't do a video videographer yeah i'd like one of them it's nice to have that to look back on some people don't bother i think it's quite nice oh i think i'd really i'd much rather a video than photos yeah i wouldn't say like we had a videographer and i think we've watched the video once since we got married five years ago but it is nice to have and i think you know what would be a really nice thing is to show it to your children in future yes it says a bit

more than photos i think but yeah so we'd yeah maybe get a videographer that would be cute wouldn't it yeah i feel like we're just making the plans here yeah we're just using we're gonna be by the end of this episode we're gonna be done sorry chris we're may what may next year may is a good month to get married great month to get my mom dad got married in may and they've just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary stop it so it's my mom and dad were june still together yeah 40 same as yours i think lovely i think they got married in 1983 would be wouldn't it yeah i want to say 19 maybe they were 1983 or 1984 something like that 40 next year then yeah maybe 40 next ruby ruby ruby but yes they are still very much together i think so if we if we're going to france are we going to get you on a plane or

no we're driving driving yeah ferry and i feel like we've got a lot of shit to take over there yeah and that's what i said if we go to somewhere that we need to get a plane i want to be doing my own flowers i want my own table decorations yeah are you yeah i'll do my that'll save you a lot of money because i tell you what some florists are like four grand yeah so i'm gonna just do my own flowers so if we go to a chateau in france lovely i could take my own flowers yeah i'll be making my own bouquets yep what about open bar or not yes everything's paid for don't want a guest buying anything wow that's really generous again why i want to go intimate i want to go really little because i want everything i don't want anyone to come and feel like yeah oh

okay well this is our weekly this is our year holiday yeah and now we've got to pay for everything no i want everything covered okay catered the lot that's a bold promise it's not a promise it's a there's no even christmas the same it's not an option that i think that's really great because normally weddings in the uk you'll get like a token uh glass of champagne or prosecco yeah wine at the dinner and then i think normally after that you have to start paying for things no we're going on so that's that i think that'd be a really good selling point i mean again sold you want a ticket you want a ticket to the shop not that i needed convincing but i'm there you there's so many red flag red flags green flags there's so many reasons for you to be there you have no choice now though because we need

stefan's family so we need them and also this is all on record yeah so if i'm not your maid of honor how disappointing it's gonna be very awkward it's gonna be shit so okay i'll just um let chris just give me a little text there but yeah i don't know if there's anything else or anything else that we've not i feel like we've covered it but it is so exciting i could talk about weddings all day i feel like i feel like we need to have an episode just talking about this again but to just talk about your wedding yeah let's make it a wedding podcast we just fuck it that might be that's that's bold because once weddings are done we we don't really have anything else it's over it's over it's over bitch but yeah no we should we should have one more we just talk about yours well i'm sure a lot

of the wedding planning will come into the oh yeah podcast chat it's going to be a lot of talk of yeah so buckle up if you don't want to hear any wedding stuff still chase stay tuned because you know tune back in in eight months when it's all over and done with and we're married me and emma are married hey cheers to us cheers congratulations up yours oh is it up yours and down the hatch down the hatch up yours down the hatch up yours yeah almost and that wrapped it up so thank you everybody for all the questions and all the messages and next week we'll have more of your secrets and everyone is welcome at the secret mum club if you want to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com

or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. So come on, share your load. Shoot your load. There really is nothing too gross or outrageous. And if you're enjoying the podcast, you can share it with your nearest and dearest. And we'll see you next week. On The Secret Mom Club. We're all in this.

I was going to go. Na, na, na, na, na, na. You know the beat. Na, na, na, na, na. It doesn't do another na. Na, na, na, na, na. Shit, we need to practice that. Na, na, na, na, na.