Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Fake Willy

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

Another week, another secret about willies! But this time, it's a case of mistaken identity. Plus we hear from a super mum who is doing all she can to make sure her little one gets the care they need, and one of our listeners has left the ladies hanging in suspense!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45-minute Tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit One onepeloton.ca. This is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode.

Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. We'll squeeze you all your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? Time for the Correspondence Corner. That was real dirty on the dirty. That was like a rock and roll one.

I was like, yeah. Feel like we need some guitar behind that. You know? Yeah, a little bit of bass. You know it's all all about that bass that's the second time megan trainer's come up god we must have megan on the brain what's she been doing trainer on the brainer trainer trainer on the brainer um but anywho should we just delve right in she jumped right in we should just wait waste no time let's do it Jump into your knickers. This one is from Laura.

She says, good morning, ladies. Good morning, Laura. Good morning or afternoon. It depends when you're listening to this. Happy Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Whatever it is. Wednesday, Thursday, whenever you're listening to this. Where you are, if you're Australia, America, England, Europe, France.

Is France and Europe? I'm going to stop there. For Laura,, England, Europe, France. Is France and Europe? I'm going to stop there. For Laura, it's good morning, ladies. I wanted to share my journey with my children and doctors. Both of my daughters were born with monstrous tonsils. Oh. I took both of my girls to the doctor many, many times with severe throat pain, only to be given antibiotics.

My youngest was also born with tracheomalacia oh which means her track here is floppy that's your windpipe isn't it yes floppy so i always kept a very close eye on her at 18 months she stopped growing and started to lose weight i went to the pediatrician and asked if we could be referred to an ear nose and throat specialist but she felt it was behavioral so she sent us to a speech and language pathologist for a swallow study the SLP did an assessment and straight away pointed out the size of her tonsils they couldn't believe our doctor didn't refer us so she sorted it all out for us we ended up having the most amazing ENT specialist who told me my daughter was losing weight because her tonsils were so big that it hurt to swallow she had surgery just a few short months later and is now doing well

my other daughter had her surgery three weeks ago as well. And when the doctor came out, he said that she won the award for some of the biggest tonsils he's ever taken out for a child. They were blocking more than 90% of her airway. Wow. It haunts me to know that my poor child was struggling so bad and none of us knew the extent to how bad it really was. Please never stop advocating for your child. Always trust your gut because these little people only have us and we just need to fight for them sending love from alberta canada oh my god that is so fucking precious that follows on from your experience

you have to trust your gut you have to just do what is what is right for you because even now we're in this situation and the diarrhea and all of that still something wasn't right we're still at the point where the reflux is still bad you know it's not like it's gone away yeah but it means that we've managed it and we've got to this point based off someone just listening to me yeah just listening and just giving me some help yeah um but that is how incredible and i did why is it the ones that question i'm not i'm not going to refer you to that i'm going to refer to well fucking great yeah because you're not listening to me yeah so had they've just done that that would have probably sped up the cycle

for her anyway yeah but what phenomenal woman it's hard because like you think like doctors should know better because they're the experts and i do you know because i don't i don't know if doctors are going to listen to our podcast do you feel like doctors listen if you're a doctor let us know it's a bit highbrow for us isn't it yeah it's a hybrid that just shows that is there any doctors really listening um but yeah it's no question on that it's just sometimes it's i don't know i don't know what i mean obviously yeah like doctors miss things or they don't you know can't get everything right but i think sometimes you just know yeah what's wrong with your child and and if you're asking someone to go down that avenue it's like that that mentality of

the customer's always right so why do we not use that mentality i know sometimes people can be a little bit maybe over over cautious and things like that but if she's gone there and said specifically this is what she'd like to see but just go no i'm actually going to put you to a tongue tie specialist yeah yeah like also if they'd looked in her mouth they would have realized that she had a fucking massive huge tonsils surely that would be really obvious i would think so blocking 90 of her airway 90 that's crazy can you imagine if i didning 90% of her airway. 90%? That's crazy. Can you imagine if I didn't have 90% of my airway? I think I'd pass out.

You wouldn't be able to talk as much, that's for sure. No, no. A blessing for us all. Or eat as much. Blessing for my body. Oh, I'm glad you got it sorted. And thank you. Yes.

Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing. Love that. Love that you're just, we're just normalising that mother's intuition mother knows mom's now mother's not all right i've got another message here it says hi ladies i just pressed play on emma's birth story with sadie while sat waiting to have my elective c-section oh it made me feel at ease and again i hadn't done any research either i'm just sat here thinking about food and what meals I can have for the rest of the day. This is our second baby and we're having a surprise this time. Can't wait to know what I've cooked.

Georgie from Manchester. Oh, fucking hell, Georgie. The suspense. Oh, let us know. Oh, my God. Do you know what? When I went in for my cesarean and I said, we don't know what we're having. All the midwives were like, that is really unusual these days.

They were saying that most people find out. so it's very rare to have a surprise he doesn't like no he wanted you to know he was a boy we wanted to know that sadie was a girl didn't we the whole time we'd say in my tummy like just tell us what it is what it is oh what's up yeah let us know georgie yeah manchester and good luck i'm almost jealous that she's like doing it still got it to come because i'm sad that we're already like seven weeks down the line you know i'm eight we're approaching week nine i know i know i feel the same bud it's so sad isn't it like a little pussycat then i'm also can't decide if he's gonna have dark hair or light hair it's still quite dark at the moment he's dark at the back but exactly the same as the other two

his hair's going and then i questioned for many many months i used to say to my sister i don't think dotty's gonna have curly hair um where was we at with that george is going in for i'm so jealous so so jealous i know i almost want to do it all again. Do it. Oh, no. Please. Third baby. Will you do it again? I don't think so.

I think you will. Do you? I feel like there's one left. Me and Roxanne spoke about this. I feel like there's one left in me. Do you? There's one left in me. Look.

I feel like there's one left in you. We were talking about me having another one. And my sister's children were actually putting wages on whether I would have another one. And Roxanne said, you know what? Aren't you crazy? She does crazy things. Four each for you would be a nice symmetry. What if I have twins?

I know. I'd give one to Roxanne. Be like parent trap. Roxanne would have to raise one. I'll raise one. We'll come back, see which one's better in 18 years' time. That happens to my friends. Her parents had two.

No, not that. They had two children and then they went for a third and had twins. So it could happen. Mum and dad. They had Roxanneanne went for one more got two got a bonus dad chops his willy off

he did because then he was like I'm not going for a third time and having three that's what my dad did after me did he really makes you feel like like you were the problem

you were the one that they really the straw that broke the camel's back yeah the cherry on top of the cake yeah you know snap

done yeah chop it off yeah no one needs it anymore it only happened three times i don't know we'll see time will tell but good luck georgie yeah please tell us if you had a boy or a girl is it first baby did she second baby and she says we're having a surprise this time which makes it sound like they found out the first time yeah yeah it's so exciting! So thank you so much for your messages.

If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next, it's time for one of your secrets. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45-minute Tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push.

Find your power. Peloton. Visit onepeloton.ca. Welcome back. The ad breaks over. Emma has no nipple left because Sadie has sucked it off sorry if that ouch was on my i always do wonder about teething babies when they bite your boobies do

you know my friend is still feeding her baby who is like two and a half obviously got all their teeth how must that feel on the nipple i feel like if you went past so i know no discrimination at all because it has been trending actually on social media and i don't know who spoke about it it came from a podcast but well i don't know what podcast it came from but there was a lot going on about this a lady was breastfeeding her i think the child's maybe three or four i've got no discrimination how long people want to breastfeed their babies. It's entirely up to them. But how do you go through the process of a teething baby on your boobie?

Because once they go to big and if they bite you, you can say to them, oh, you bit mummy's boobie. Because then they'll understand, won't they? Because they'll be a certain age. But how do you use it? When they're little. Yeah. I can't imagine what it must feel like. Did Joseph teethe? Was he teething when he boobied? No. but what how do you use it when they're little yeah I can't imagine

what it must feel like did Joseph teeth was he teething when he boomed no no he didn't he didn't have any teeth I only breastfed him

for six months so he didn't have any I don't think he did they have any teeth by then four to six months they start to get their first one

or four to seven I meant to that's the milestone my niece didn't get them until she was 18 months so I'm a third wow my sister's third not my third I don't them until she was 18 months old my third wow my sister's third

not my third I don't remember him having any teeth but I can't imagine what that feels like because she already feels quite chompy and she's only got gums

the gums are hard aren't they the gums are really hard really hard yeah I wouldn't like that on my tip but I think she's suboptimal latch

because she's I think she's tongue tie a pardon suboptimal latch as in she's not getting on there properly because we think she's got a tongue-tie. Anyway. Anyway, we digressed.

Sorry. We want to hear your secrets. It's not about me. We love you. That's what we wanted to tell you. So we love you. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. You are all so good at sharing.

So Emma, hit us up with the secret. All right, this is from Rianne. So Emma, hit us off with the secret. All right, this is from Rhiann. Or, as Stefan says, Rhiann. Because he's Welsh. It's a Welsh name and he always tells me off for how I say it. Rhiann. I say Rhiann.

He says Rhiann. Do you ever get angry about him like that? I say, fuck off. Yeah. Oh, good. I'm glad you thought that. Just my accent. Yeah. She says, hello, ladies hello ladies recently my son took a

screwdriver to the door handles around the house oh jesus he's a burglar so we have no handles on most of the doors including the bathroom sorry is he unscrewed them how does he know how to use a screwdriver a mastermind how old is he anyway 25 yeah she says I was on the period. So I grabbed a tampon as I started putting it in. I love that. Sorry. Everyone just calls it the period now. The period now. Because Doc just calls it the period.

Yeah, the period. Sorry. So I grabbed a tampon. As I started putting it in, my five-year-old walks in. To my horror, he asked me why I was putting a fake willy in my foo-foo. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I could have died.

I didn't know what to say. I told him to get out. It's been four months since the incident and we went on holiday last week. To my horror, I come on again. And of course,

I end up taking my son to the toilet with me when I need to change my tampon. We're in the cubicle when he shouted, Mom, you're using the fake willy again. I have no words.

Much love, from Rhiannon Wales. The fact is you can buy fake willies. It's a dildo. Yeah. It's a dildo. I don't want to say. It might be children this now. But the fact that her child

has said you're using the fake willy. I would have gone no, no. It's the tampon. It's the tampon. Can you imagine people in the toilet and your child shouting about you using your fake willy. I would have died. People in the other cubicles must be thinking it's not a time or place. That's not in front of a child. Yeah.

You need to be arrested. What a situation to find yourself in. Nightmare. I don't know what's more crazy, that he's basically a burglar or that people think you're using a dildo in front of your child to be honest i'm more shocked about the fact that this is a crazy story a five-year-old knows how to take all the door handles off with a screwdriver yeah is she talking about the five-year-old or maybe a different child maybe it is a teenager just like taking the door handles

off maybe he's training to be a carpenter wow he's who are we to judge he's showing promise at a very early age i would say we need to roam in on this hum in on this what is it when you hone in on hone in home what do i say home rome um that's that's some that's some story that there's a lot in there goblin oh she is rianne from wales too from wales so stefan's obviously saying it right yeah well rianne don't get back in touch and let us know whose pronunciation you prefer and put this to bed we would say rianne i say i sound rough rianne rianne let us know what you prefer yeah let us know and thank you for your story if stefan don't reply back. We don't want to know. Just tell us that we're right, okay? Humor us and just tell us we're right.

Are you always being called out for using a fake willy? Please load to people messaging about this. Please. Are you always being called out for using a fake willy? Then let us know. You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back first thing on monday and we'll have more of your messages on our next thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the secret mum club