Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The First Day Back

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

It's the eve of back to school, and it's safe to say Soph and Emma are emotional! The ladies debrief on their school prep, and how the babies are doing before their big days back. Plus, there's a wild back-to-school secret about one toddler who's picked up a naughty habit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sofina and Emma have another hilarious episode of Secret Mum Club lined up for you, but just before we get into it, have you watched the show yet? The summer holidays can be the Wild West for finding a moment to yourself. So when the kids have gone to bed, it's the perfect time to unpack the day, laugh about the latest things they've done to embarrass us, and catch up with the ladies who are going through the same thing. When you've got that bit of peace and quiet, grab a drink and search for Secret Mum Club on YouTube. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Things are a little different today because we're at home. We are. It's been a wild week, but we still need to catch up. So, shall we jump on in? How the bloody hell are you?

Fucking shit. I haven't seen you for ages. Oh, I'm just so grateful I can see your face in my phone. No, well, you can hardly see me because I've got a very aggressive microphone. I've got a very aggressive muff here at home. It's taken up my whole face. I've got a little tiny one, but my one doesn't even have a muff on it. Yours is like a professional influences microphone, and mine's a radio studio.

A professional, a professional radio presenter. I did say to Maz that I think Dotty has stolen the muff for maybe like a beauty blender or something. I don't know. So you're just raw-dog in the microphone. Raw dog in the mic. Listen, this is going out a very key moment in time for all of us, isn't it? Yeah. So we are recording this on the day before our kids go back to school.

Well, one of yours, one of mine. Two. Oh, two of yours, sorry. I've got Colby going into year six tomorrow and Renley starting preschool. Oh, and I've got Jason starting reception. Physically sick, Emma. I can't cope. I'm not going to sleep tonight. I'm not going to sleep an absolute wink. Dottie goes back Thursday. I just don't know. It just the whole, and I talked about this on my socials the other day, is that I'm not, I'm not in the category where I hate parents that don't count down the days for their children to go back. That's not what I'm about at all. And whether you're excited for the children to go back or you're anxious, I still am very much on the fence that we deserve this time on our own, whether that's a stay at home mum or whether you're going out to work. We are, our self-worth is validated. And I'm excited for them to go back. to get back into a routine for us to have us time because some days I've been a caged pigeon

where I haven't spoken to an adult in a good two days and I go, co-cook-cook-cook-choo-choo, and I'm going a bit crazy. So I'm very much in the mindset that it's so healthy for us to have that time apart. And as much as I'm excited for them to go back, I would say I'm equally as sad. I can't even talk about it. is making me really emotional. And like the children went out the other day because I wasn't very well, which is why we're here recording this app because I was,

I've actually been really, really unwell this week and I couldn't get into the studio. And I don't know whether it's like a combination of stress or a combination of worry, but to sit here like last week, sorry, Chris took the babies out just because I was so unwell. And the silence physically made me dry gag. Like it was disgusting. It was, I don't know whether this is sick making me reach or it was the silence in the house. It was horrible.

Horrible. I was just saying I quite like that. But I think it's also because like throughout the summer holidays, we've had six weeks of our house being full of kids and noise and fun and mess and all that stuff. So it's even more kind of noticeable now, I think, isn't it? Yeah. It's hugely noticeable. And I think as well, I said again on my socials, it's been like a. a really 90s nostalgia in our neighbourhood because all the children have played outside most days

on their bike scooters, like all the children from all the houses that are around us have played outside and it's been lovely for parents. Like we've sat out, we've had dinners in the garden, we've spoken to people that we haven't, you know, never spoken to before, but the children have played out and it's just been truly one of the most amazing school holidays. We haven't add big flashy days out or anything like that. It's just been just pure like 90s life of climbing bikes, scooters, muddy feet, late nights in the garden, you know? I think that's the perfect way to describe it because this is how we remember our summer holidays being. Like I'm sure it wasn't all like this but like the weather being so amazing and I've been chatting to my

friends about this like how much easier has this summer holidays been just because the weather's being so nice for most of us, I think, in the UK, that you've just been able to, like, be outside all day, have picnic lunches, picnic dinners, like, you don't have to pack and take loads of stuff with you. We can just be like, right, get up, we're going out. They've just, like, they've had the best time. Joseph said to me that he doesn't want summer holidays to end. And I was like, oh, me and Stefan were saying, like, I feel very, because this is my first summer holiday, really, as a stay-at-home mom, like, not having a kind of traditional job to go to. And I've just been here every day with that.

them. And we were having a bit of like an emotion heart to heart last night. And I was like, I feel so lucky that I've been able to do that with them and like give that to them. And I think of you quite a lot because I was always the mum that was like dreading the school holidays and like, what the hell am I going to do with them for six weeks? This is going to be a nightmare. And I know that you're one of my only mum friends who loves it. And so when I, when I'm like, oh, no, I'm actually not hating it. I'm quite enjoying it. I think of you a lot because I'm like, this must be what Safina feels like. And sometimes I'm like, be a bit more Safina and just embrace it. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the mess. They're having the best time. I've actually had a really good time.

I've surprised myself. It's been, it's been so lovely. And so that means going back to school is a bit more like, structured. It's a bit more of a wrench, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It's just the freedom. Like, even like not having to rush back to get home and get bath and get in bed. Like even like the really minuscule things are just so much more relaxed. And I. I think that's what I love is just the whole slowness of life. It's like you really slow down. And it's so hard to, I find it really hard to get back into a routine because I'm such an off-the-cuff. I would say I'm type B.

I'm an off-the-cuff parent. I don't plan. Everything's either agreed in the morning or the day just flows how the day flows. You know, one minute we might be in the Tesco's doing a big food shop or we might be having a sofa day with a bag of popcorn or going for a walk or out on the bike. Like the day just is the day and it's whatever you make of the day, you know. And I just, I think I'm, as much as we need the routine, I also just really love the slowness. And it's the small things. It's the small memories that we make that we don't realize we're making. Yeah, 100%. Like, we were saying that about our holiday. Like, we didn't go anywhere flashy this year. We didn't go abroad.

But like, the kids honestly had the best time. Like, we went to my parents and we went to a caravan. in Temby and they have just had like the best time and made the best memories and they don't care about like getting on a plane or going to some like far flung destination at this age they really don't care like they're happy to just be like using a bucket and spade and be digging sand and throwing stones in the sea like and it sounds so like it sounds so cheesy and like cliche but it's true yeah and it's also so fantastic if people have that to be able to do and do I said, do it. Show your babies the world. If you, you have the option to do it. But I also don't want anyone to feel that pressure and that void to have to do that. But it's incredible. So, so incredible

if people are able to do that. But it's just, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is about the school holidays. And we spoke about this a couple of weeks ago in the studio and you were like, actually, I get what you're saying. Like, I get what you mean. And it's just, it's just something so different. And I'm not saying next school holidays is going to feel like this because everyone is so different. The older that they get, the dynamic changes and everything changes just that little tweak. So some school holidays are really, really difficult. And there's obviously, there is parents at home with children that do have additional needs. And there is single parents that are also navigating through this. And it's a really, really hard time for a lot of parents. And equally,

if there is single parents at home with children that don't have additional needs, the time at home, however that looks for you, can be really, really difficult for others. So I, that's why I want preference by saying that it's, as much as I've loved it, it hasn't been the easiest. But also, I haven't had it the hardest. So I don't want anyone sat here thinking, oh, well, I've got it really easy because I don't have children with additional needs, because I know that that is, that is so hard. And I take my hat off to all those mummers who do need that break. And their children need the routine. I just hope in some way that everybody has been able to have an ounce of, you know, joy because sometimes raising children, the good times are, can be quite few and far between.

It can be quite a battle most days. And you can get quite in the trenches with that. And the school holidays do sometimes feel like that. They feel like a battle. They feel like a trench. And the, the days that are amazing are quite few and far between. But I just hope that all our mamas are doing great. And if your babies have gone back, I hope they're settling in wonderful. And you're enjoying your time to yourself. God, I'm going to get emotional.

Enjoying your time. And it's really, really hard. It's really hard for everybody. You know, everyone in a parenting space, whether that's an auntie and uncle or mum and dad, grandparents, it's a really hard time. because also my sister's had so much time with the children. And she's just, she's just distraught as distraught as me about Renly Start and preschool

because he, he's not only our baby. He's my sister's baby. And he's my niece's tiniest cousin who's had loads of time with him. And she doesn't want him to go. And, you know, and he's, there's just, we've just got such a lovely dynamic. And it's a real tough, it's a real tough time for everybody. But I know, for one thing, I think I'm, nervous about Colby, I think what I'm most nervous with is not only is he going into his last

year of junior school, but we have only got like eight weeks and I need to, I need to apply for his secondary school. I know. And what's so wild is like Colby started preschool now at Renley's age, and now I'm applying for his secondary school place. Yeah, and it's mad when you think like, that's how quick it's going to go with Renley as well. It's a real, it's a really, really hard mind game to play with yourself. It just feels so, in the nicest way possible, like fucked up? Like, it just, how have I been a mum for a decade? But also I've now got a toddler who's starting preschool and I'm back on the,

I'm back on the train. But I think I'm nervous about Colp's going back just because he's the biggest, he's the most sensitive. But he's excited. Is he? Yeah. I think he's really excited to see his friends. But I know that Colby struggles the most out of, I would say, the three of them,

Dots, he couldn't give a fuck. even though she's the one going into a new school. She's just so excited. She's so excited for her new school uniform. Like she's got a proper school uniform now for her new school. And she's got logoed uniform. And she's really excited to be like proper in the school. So she's super excited.

She's obviously so excited that she gets an extra day than Colby. Yeah. Yeah, I bet she's been rubbing that in. It's the talk of that. Because she obviously broke up earlier than Colby, didn't she? So she's had two extra. Yeah. But she's really excited. She's really excited to get stuck in and meet friends. And Renly cannot stop talking about preschool. My preschool. I go preschool now and I'm like, back the fuck up, sir.

I'm not ready. Yeah. Sain keeps putting a backpack on in the house. She goes for a little walk. She goes, put my bag on. I go, where are you going? She goes, I'm going to school. I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh, bless them. Is Jojo excited? He told me he doesn't want the summer holidays to end, which I was a bit like, ugh. But I'm also, I think you will be excited. Like I've done, if I say so myself, really well at keeping up with the other parents during the school holidays. So we've had loads of stuff planned so that I've made sure that he's seen like an array of the other children.

So that when he goes back, they'll have like, they'll be able to go, oh, I went to soft play with two of them like just a couple of days ago. So it'll be like fresh in his mind. He hasn't not seen anyone for six weeks. So I think that I think he'll be excited to go back and see his friends I don't know how excited he is about getting back into school But yeah I think he'll be excited It's a massive change for him

Like he's not even taking him in tomorrow morning He's just getting on the school bus So we're just going to be like Bye good luck See it half three See at 3rd Well even like tomorrow would have been his wraparound day And he should be going on to nursery until 6pm

And I said Stefan we can't send him on the bus And then not pick him up until 6 p.m So we're going to, we are going to pick him up from school tomorrow and like take him out for, taking him out of dinner. Leave him at the bus stop for three hours. Stay here. Save yourself some snacks. You've got three hours on that bench. No, luckily me and Stefan are around. So we're going to like pick him up, do something nice with him, just him, not Sadie. Just to be like, yeah, you made it through your first day at school. But yeah, I'm excited for him. I've loved for some holidays, but I am excited for him to go back and be with his friends and, you know, get back into a bit of a routine. I'm fucking terrible. terrified though because you've been going to bed at about 10pm. So I don't know, I don't know how we're going to rain it back in tonight. I just think, because I've always been a prepper, haven't I? I've always been a prepper of the bedtime.

Yeah. And that is not happened this time. No, I was thinking about you. Like when he went to bed at 9.30 the other night, I was like, I am not doing a Safina here. I'm not getting back into the rhythm. I think you just have to wait till they're back at school. They're fucking exhausted and they're just nod off. It's a whole, the first week as well, the first proper week back, they're so tired, they're so grumpy, grouchy. And it all, it does slot into place a bit. It's just, you're just going to have to ride it out, Mama. Yeah. And it's going to be perfect. We will get back into a routine.

It just may take some time. Some time. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I'm like so underprepared, like that I did like the briefest bit of prep. I was like, put your old shoes on. They still fit you, yeah. put your t-shirt on, put your joggers on, yeah, they still fit you, we're fine, went out to get a new backpack today, couldn't find anything anywhere.

In Tesco, they were like, are you mental? We've put all that stuff away, like some children are back at school today. I was like, oh, yeah, it's very... Can you just bring them out? Ferry me to leave it until the day before. So we came back home and he was like, I don't have a bag. I was like, yeah, we'll have one tomorrow from Amazon. Click and collect. So I am.

I was like, for one day, you'll be fine for one day. You'll be fine. Yeah. It's not like you're getting a bus on your own or anything, Joseph. No, I know. Bless it. Oh, God. Why am I like this? Why am I like this? It's just the way it's just the way it goes. And no one's doing this right, are they? No one's doing it perfect. We're all just doing our fucking best. And that is, and as well, what I find so lovely is there is going to be so many moms and dads all around the world doing this. And we're all just living, what I find so iconic is like we're all just living. We're all just living. the same life. We are truly living the same life. We're all just living the same life. We're feeling the same feelings. Everybody's, well, some feelings are different, but everyone's feelings are valid. We're all just doing the same thing. And it's just such a, it's a really odd mindset, isn't it? It's quite nice to know that like we're all kind of in it together. We are all in it together. And we should be talking about it. We should be talking about how we feel. Because no one is

wrong. No one's feelings are invalid. We're all just feeling the way we're feeling, aren't we? Yeah. I'm going to be a fucking mess tomorrow. What are you going to do all day? Well, Ren's only in for an hour tomorrow. Okay. So I think I'll be okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I'm going to take Dottie to have her nails painted because she's, I think she gets a little bit stressed, doesn't she?

She's a bit of a nail bit of a nail bit of a nail biter. We've been having her nails done through the holidays. So I think I'm going to go and get like a nude polish on her fingernails because they've grown so beautifully and give her a bit of her time ready before she goes back to her new school. So all very just chill, I think. What are you going to do? You're going to do anything nice. You and Stefan together at home.

Kick back, relax. Yeah, I'm going to be living the life. Might open a bottle of wine. Itchy legs. Yeah, you don't have to get in a car, do you. He doesn't even have to get in a car. I don't even have to get in a car. I don't have to do a bloody school run.

Honestly, I'm not going to know myself. So wild, isn't it? It's a real big change. But good luck to you and everyone else is going through it. And by the next time we're back here, we'll catch you up. We'd have done it. We'll be done. Dusted. Ready for Christmas. I don't say the big C-Wyer. Oh God, don't say that. Get me to Christmas for another Ollie Bob's. Got half turn first. Bring on October.

That one's shit though. Just scoop past that one. But that's enough from us. Next, it's time for one of your secrets. Welcome back. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're all so good at sharing. So what have you got for us today, Emma? Okay, this one comes from anonymous. Ooh. It says, hello ladies. My almost five-year-old son started kindergarten, and I'm assuming out of stress has picked up a new activity.

My husband and I have caught him humping stuffies on our couch. I've read that this is normal childhood behavior, usually brought on by stress, and that it can start anywhere from age two to six. But what are we doing about it? I've told him it's a private activity that can only be done in his room. Bedroom. Yeah. They can only be done in his room, but that hasn't stopped him.

Please send help because I'm at a loss. And I wasn't expecting anything like this to start to start so soon. Anonymous from Rayleigh, North Carolina. Rayleigh, North Carolina, isn't it? Rayleigh, North Carolina. L, E, G.A. Yeah. Hobby was a bit of a humpur.

Oh, my God. Sorry, I love the way she says. I wasn't expecting anything like this to start so soon. Like what? When he was a teenager, you did expect him to start. in his teddy. Kobe used to hump his teddy. Well, it wasn't so much humping.

It was like a, it was just more of a like a rub. But he, but he used to hide Colby and do it. And we used to have to say to him, oh, we can't really do that. But I think, do you, do you say like it's a private activity, do it in your room? Or do you say, look, we need to know what you're,

we need to know if you're hump in your studies. Let's do it out in the open. Come on, sharing is caring. It did, it did pass. I want to say it passed. very, very quickly. How old was he? Three. Two, three. Okay. I think it's more common for boys, but again, there's probably a professional that can

clarify that for us. I'm pretty sure it's only a boy thing. I can't confirm or, well, no, Dotty never did it. Never, never did it. But do you know, boys like a lot of, like, I've noticed a couple of play dates that we've had recently, Joseph's been really, like, physical with the other boys, a couple of his friends, they're five-year-old boys. And I've said to their parents, like, are they okay with that? If they're not, they can tell Joseph to stop. And it's not humping. It's more like grappling and wrestling. And one of the other boys' moms were saying to me, he's exactly the same. Boys love to have this, like, boys of a certain age, I think, love to have this, like physical, like, touch. There's almost like a need to, like, when he sees them,

he's, like, has to get it out of his system. I always remember a guy I work with saying to me, It was like his son's 7th or 8th birthday party. He said eight boys came into the house. And for like 10 minutes, they all just wrestled on the floor and were just like fighting each other. And then once they got that out of their system, they were absolutely fine. But it's like they need to have this like physical like almost to get this connection. Aggression out. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. It must be a hormonal thing. Maybe it is. And I definitely would say it is boys. Colby were. Colby. Yeah.

Colby is like, if him and Dotty are having an argument, it's not like he has to have the last word. He's got to have the last like dig in her leg. Like, oh, poker in the leg. And I'm like, just don't touch her. Why you want to touch her? Just don't, or like pull her hair or poke her in the eye. And you're like, what the hell?

And he's like, oh, sorry, Mom, didn't even know I was doing it. And you're like, oh, you don't know you're doing it. It's just like an urge? So maybe like an outburst, isn't it? But I would say it does pass. I think I used to just go into Colby's room and distract him. I used to be like, oh, should we play with trains? I don't think we ever told him that he couldn't do it or it wasn't okay.

I think we just said, oh, should we go and read a book now? Let's go watch the telly. And like if he'd gone back into his room, because he'd kind of go, leave it a few, like an hour or something, then he'd go back. And I'd be like, oh, should we play with our trains now? I maybe just did things to distract him from doing it. But it is hard because it's, boys have it, like, even men do it, don't they? They love their willies. Like, their willies are everything.

Constantly, yeah. They're not pulling it. Like, Rens doesn't like nappies, doesn't like clothes in, you know, in general. Pants, doesn't want any of it on. It just walks that sometimes he squeezes his willies so hard. You only get one of those. You do know that, right? Be careful.

It's not a fidget because it is sometimes, you know, one of them squeezy toys and all the bits pop out of the net. It goes all through his fingers and I'm like, oh, no, no. We can't replace that. You need to go gentle. We can't buy any one. It's when Chris looks at him and Chris is like, oh, God, don't squeeze it that hard. Don't you squeeze. They're obsessed at the moment.

They are. They are obsessed with like, they're just like exploring their bodies. But they're like, they're always touching their bums or touching their bits. And I'm like, it's really hard to not like demonize that because I don't want to be like, don't touch yourself. that's wrong, that's whatever. Because I'm like, I want you to be comfortable with your body. Like, that's fine for you to do, but they don't understand what's appropriate, do they?

So it's kind of a really hard line between like, I don't want to come down really hard on them and be like, no, you can't do that. But also I do want to be like, yeah, like, don't really, don't put your fingers up your bum. Don't get your Willie out in public. It's the fingers up the bum hole for me. I can't cope with that. It's too much. You come in and he walk it and he's watching the telly. And I'm like, no, no, no, that doesn't go in there.

Like that, it's not. No. But then they're like, why can't I do that? And I'm like, well, it's a bit unhygienic. Yeah. It comes out of there. Or when you're in middle of the dinner table and Rennie decides to get up on the table and just squeezes Willie while we're all eating like sausage and mash and you're like, right.

I don't quite fancy this. Yeah, I don't fancy this sausage anymore. But I hope that this conversation makes you feel less alone. Yes, I think it's very normal. And I know it's really hard for us as adults to not like project our own. Like, oh my God, this is weird onto it. But, like, they're definitely not thinking that. They just have this, like, natural urge.

And I think he'll definitely grow out of it. I think what's hard is it's hard to talk about because you, I used to think, oh, my gosh, this is really, really wrong that he is doing this. And I think it's quite a scary topic when you're talking about, obviously talking about your body, but also talking about your child's body and, like, what they're doing. It kind of feels a little bit alien to talk about it because you feel like it's really wrong. But in fact, I hope this conversation makes you feel less alone and makes you feel heard and know that it's a very normal, which is what the podcast is designed to do is make you feel very,

very normal in what it's going through. But I just think, this is why we love the podcast, because topics like this can be really, really, really, really hard to have with somebody, like even immediate family. I used to say to them, I used to try and talk to me like my sister about it or my mum and I just be like, oh, I don't really know how to. Is this normal that he's, you know, hump in his bed? You know, it's really hard. It's a really hard topic. It's uncomfortable for us because we think of it as like sexual. So it's weird or like, or like inappropriate in a way. But like they absolutely are just doing it just because they just thought, I just want to do this now. It just feels nice. It feels nice for them. They don't know. But it is, I completely get that it's a

really, really tough conversation and it's really hard on your mind to try and process that. So yeah. Yeah. But if anybody has any professional advice, you know, if there's like a, you know, there's people that deal with all of these kinds of things. I don't know what's real. Like a child psychologist or something. Yeah.

Yeah. If somebody is a child psychologist and they're listening to this, it would love, I'd love to know like the, like if there's like a logical. Yeah. Like the actual science. behind it? Or are we just chatting absolute shit? Our children are just humping. I just love a hump. Oh, but we're sending you all of our love and stick with it, Mama. You've got this. So if you have any tips on stopping humping, let us know. You can email us, hello at secretummpod.com

and we're SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time. Secret Mum Club!