Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The First Years

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

This week, Sophiena and Emma chat about homeschooling, children growing up, and the bittersweet moment they leave your bed for good. 🥹 Plus, they offer advice to a new mum struggling with anxiety about leaving the house alone with her baby, and share their own experiences of those overwhelming first months of motherhood.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze all your bits. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend.

Showie Jomboni! It's time for a night bar. Curran. I feel like I want to change the dialect of that. To know that every week we record that. Yeah. It's not just a bit that's put in every week. We need to change it up a bit more, don't we should.

Squeeze your tits, bits and all your... People are going to think it's a soundboard. Yeah, it's not. It's not a soundboard. Yeah, when they hit the button. It's live, bitches. Oh, all right, then. Okay, so let's take it away.

Okay, this one is from Melody. Hello, Melody. I've always loved that name. It's a beautiful name. Do you remember the Queen's nose? They were called Melody and Harmony, the two sisters, and I was obsessed with their names. Oh, you could have had two girls, Melody and Harmony. Yeah, but I had a boy and a girl.

Could have had two girls, but I didn't. I always reminded there was a TikTok trend that was like a scary, voiced like out of scream that said, this is my friends. Lily. Harmony. Every time I hear harmony, I can't unhear harmony. Anyway. Sorry, sorry, Melody.

It says, hi ladies. I've been listening since the beginning, although I'm a little behind and currently catching up, I actually wanted to comment on two episodes from last year. Oh, holy moly. I'm a mum to four teenage boys. Oh, Melody. Honey, you couldn't have used harmony because you got four boys. I mean, you could have called him one of your voice harmony.

They're all less than six years apart. So life was absolute chaos when they were little. Firstly, after listening to the musical beds episode, I wanted to reassure everyone that children really do eventually leave your bed. I co-slept with all four of mine, but we had one solid rule when the new baby was here. Get the fuck out. That's why she kept having them.

Yeah, get out. I'm ready for the newborn now. Out you get. The older one had to stay in their own bed. Oh, but I have another one. It meant that by around age three, they'd stop coming in. My youngest was different because he was my last baby. She's like, and he's still there.

And he's 25 now and still in my bed. One morning when he was about three and a half, he said, Mum, you were squashing me last night. I replied, I know, you're getting a bit too big for my bed now. He simply said, I know. And that was the last time he ever climbed into bed. Oh, oh God. Oh, God.

Fuck, Melody Hall. I wasn't ready for that. I thought it was going to be funny and it was sad. I thought he was going to say, can you get the fuck out of my bed now and stop sleeping in here? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, I wasn't prepared for that. That was the last time he ever climbed into bed with me.

She sounds quite happy about it though. I don't know. I don't think she does. That doesn't sound happy. I think she's over it now because he's a teenager. So this was at least like 10 years ago. But that really caught off guard. That really caught me off guard.

Secondly, I wanted to comment on the present Hunter episode where a listener was wondering whether to homeschool. I was homeschooled myself. So I'd always said I'd never do it. Oh, interesting. But during COVID, I ended up homeschooling all four. of my boys for four years. It was hard work juggling different ages and keeping on top of everything, but it was so worth it. My eldest had always struggled at school and he absolutely thrived with one-to-one learning. So if the only thing holding you back is worrying you're not

good enough, give it a go. You can always change your mind if it doesn't work for your family. I love the podcast and I love listening to your accents all the way over here in Alberta, Canada. Oh, for some reason I thought that was going to be a UK one. I thought it was going to be UK. It was given UK vibes. It was given the UK baddie. In Alberta Canada. She's not. She's not. She's It's a Canada baddie. Wow. That was a lot of... That was a roller coaster ride.

It's because, you know, when you're listening to something and you've got to take notes because it's there's so much and, you know, when you... I have to sometimes when I'm saying, I've got a sneeze coming up. Sorry, I feel like it's coming. There we... Sorry, there it is. There she is. There she moves.

When I'm texting and someone sends me a really long text, I have to read a bit, reply. Read a bit, reply. Yes. Read a bit. I can't. I can't go through it all and respond at the end because I will forget. It's like when someone does a really long voice note. I get to the end and I think, what was your first point?

Yes. I have to do a voice note. Okay, I'm going to go back to the voice note now and carry on and then I do another one. Okay, right, I'm going to go back. Yeah, you really have to. You really have to wait until I don't show online anymore. Yeah. And then I'm done.

Yes. Because otherwise there's another 45,000 coming. It drives people mad. But I just can't help it. No. Otherwise, I'll just forget. Did you take all of that in? Yeah, I did take that all in.

Thank you, Melody. We did it in stages, though, didn't we? That was lovely. We responded to the boys being in her bed. Yeah. And then now we're on to the homeschooling. I mean, fair play. Four boys, all homeschooled at some point during COVID.

But isn't that so, what's the word? So intriguing that she was homeschooled and said she'd never homeschool. She said, well, yeah, I want to know, Melody. Why did you say you'd never do it? Did you have a bad experience of being homeschooled? Yes. Because she only did it in COVID because she was forced into it. it. Yeah. So I need to know what was your experience and what made you decide that you didn't

want to home school? Give us all the gory details. Give us the tea. But then it ended up being great for her eldest because he didn't like school. No. So you know, you know, you know, you know. And I wonder if they're all still in school now. Yeah, I don't know what ages they are. She says four teenage boys. Four teenage boys, yeah. So I wonder if they're all now, whether they're at college. Do they do college in Canada? Do they have to do college in Canada? it work, Melody, let us know. I don't know how it works in school. But anyone who's raised and then partly homeschooled four children, I mean, four boys as well. Fair bloody play. Four boys. Four boys. I wonder whether they get to the point where they just

entertain each other. Because that's like a whole team, isn't it? You basically got a, you got a, with your partner, you could have a whole five-aside football team. Yeah. Six aside, actually, if you wanted to get involved yourself, Melody. That's a football team, that is. That's a lot of kids. Yeah. Also, I think, my family, we can make an 11-a-side football team. Put us down for the World Cup. We're coming. Yeah.

Because it's like 15 of us, isn't there? Yeah. Actually, with 15, you could get a rugby team. And now, what we think, what, not saying my niece is going to have a baby, but my sister fell pregnant at 22. Wow. Had my niece at 23. My niece is 17.

Yeah. I don't think they want children as early as, like, Roxanne. Roxanne was just destined to be. a mum. Yeah. She, that's all she ever wanted when she was a little girl was to just be a mum. And then obviously, she met James. And then they had, they had Eden when she was 23. Gosh. Got married at 25. Yeah. So all, it all went quite quickly. But she just wanted to be a mum. That's all she ever wanted. So now, obviously, when you speak to Eden, her dream is to just literally be a Disney princess. If anybody knows how to get into it, she wants to be a Disney princess. My friend was literally a Disney princess. I'll let her know how she did it.

Actually, Eden's dream is to be a Disney princess. Yeah, nice. And yeah. Apparently the Gen Zs aren't having babies. No. So, we'll see. But can you imagine when they all start having children? We're going to feel.

I do get terrified though. When I compare like, because my nephew's just turned 15, I keep thinking like when Renley's 15 and then I go, fucking hell, my nephew's going to be 28. 28. He'll have a family of his own. And I'm only going to have a 15 year old. He might be 28 with his own.

with his own children. My niece will be 30. So Renly will be like a 15 year old, what, not an uncle. What would his cousin? Cousin. Second cousin. Yeah. Eden could be 30 married with their own children and I am her auntie with a 15 year old. Yeah.

That's wild. That is really. I was chatting to my friends the other day about how, because obviously I had a birthday and got a year older. And I was like, it's mad how my parents were technically free of all their dependents by the ages of 42 and 46. Yeah. So they were relatively young when their youngest child, me, had turned 18.

Isn't that wild? 42. And now my sister's 42 and she's got a five-year-old and two-year-old. Like we're starting so much later. So much later. But I'm here for it. Oh, yeah. You know, I've got no judgment. The only thing I just think is mad is like how me and my sister are only two years apart.

But yet our lives are so very different. Yeah. Like I'm still going to have a child in a. education when my sister could be a grandma. Yeah. Which is so wild. It blows my mind. And don't you just feel like not old enough to be, I'll never feel old enough to be a grandma.

My mom says that now. I still don't feel old enough to have children. To be a mom, I know. No. Three people relying on you. Yeah. Two on you. That's a lot.

Yeah. And if you're including the boys as well. Yeah. Because we're raising someone else's child. Yeah. I'm raising Chris's mom's child. I'm having to raise her child. Have him back.

You know? I'm not only raising my own three children, but I'm raising someone else's child. Four kids, yeah. Four children. It's a lot, isn't it? I love him dearly. I would never give him back. He's a great guy.

No, no, no. He's a treasure to the community. Also, I say my parents are free of all their dependents, but one of my sisters move three doors down the road and the other ones moved back in. And I'm always there. Yeah. So actually, they're like, when are you guys going to leave? And now they've got grandchildren. Yeah.

You're 42, 39 and 38. Get out. Get out. I don't think there's ever going to fill a time, though. And isn't it weird when I was growing up and my parents would say to me, you wait to your my age. You wait to your my age. Yeah, I am your age now.

And now I am. Yeah. Like when I, when they were turning 40, I remember their 40th birthdays. And I think, fuck, I used to be like, oh, God, parents were old, they're 40. Yeah, my mom's 40. I remember doing her 40th birthday. I'm now, helping organise her 40th birthday when I was 16. We're nearly 40.

And now we're nearly 40. I don't think my children would be organizing my 40. And I just, I just find it, wow, they used to, yeah, we might be. If they're in charge of the playlist like I was, it'll be like fucking Baby Shark and Thomas the Tank. Yeah. But I just think, can you imagine like, I just find it, I just find it really weird. Like when my parents would say, you wait until you get to my age and you'll, you'll know that you're only as young as you feel. I feel fucking 18.

Do you? I don't look it. And when I go up and down stairs or I have to run. Well, okay, mentally I'm 18. You are humbled. Mentally I'm 18 physically I'm 80 yeah I'm definitely physically

I'm not great But mentally I'm only like 18 Some days I feel 80 Some days I feel 18 Yeah Depends on how much sleep I've had We're gonna have to get an ep

An email out to Melody Let Melody know So she can preview this app Yeah just jump ahead To a sec Jump ahead Melody to this ep Otherwise it's going to be a whole year You're going to be out of date

It'll be 39 then Yeah We'll be 40 by the time You hear this Oh, Melody, we appreciate you, darling, so much. That was wonderful, wasn't it? So thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch?

You can email us hello at secretmanpod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Next, it's time for one of you. Oh, I yanko, just letting you know I'm recording this. Today is not a pre-recorded message. It's time for one of your secrets. We love a secret on the secret mum club And you're all so good at sharing So Emma, what have you got for us today?

All right, this one says, hey girlies. Hey girlie. I wrote in a while ago about favouritism in the family But now I need some new advice. Fuck me, I'm sitting back for this. Sorry. That's what happens when I... We're in a haunted house.

Open my legs. I haven't been open for so long. If you can't hear that squeaking, that's going to be well fucking weird. So bad reference. I'm sitting back for this when I'm ready. I'm locked and loaded. For reference that was Sof's Mike. It was my muff.

Her muff was squeaky. That literally is a squeaky muff. Okay. I had my beautiful little boy in April and he's now 13 weeks old. Oh my gosh. He's such a happy, smiley little thing and honestly has made me the happiest mum. The problem is I get so anxious taking him out on my own. If my partner is with me, I'm absolutely fine.

But the moment it's just me, my brain starts spiraling. What if he cries? What if people judge me? Is he dressed right? What if I bump into someone? What if he has a nappy explosion? I know everyone probably understands, but the anxiety is so overwhelming that I end up staying indoors all day until his dad gets home. Now my maternity leave is coming to an end. I'm feeling so guilty that we haven't done more together.

Does anyone have any tips for building confidence in getting out of the house? I don't want my anxiety to rub off on him as he gets older. Lots of love, still anonymous, still hidden deep in South Wales. Oh, do you know what? We hear you. We see you. We get it. I even do it now. I do it now. I get so anxious taking all three children out on my own because I have. I think, what if one gets lost? What if I lose one? What if one gets stolen? What if one falls over and breaks her arm? What if one faints, passes out?

What if one poo's everywhere and I've got to help the others? They're all covered in poo. I honestly will overanalyze every single situation before I've left the house. And I do it. I do it, I do it 50% of my time. And I go, do what? No, fuck it. I'll just pop out to the shop on my own.

I'll just go to the shop quickly on my own. I'll just do that on my own. because I'm so terrified that something is going to happen that's aware of my control and somebody is going to see me, judge me, moan at me, look at me. I fully have so much more confidence going out and doing it with Chris. Yeah.

It's so hard. It's 100% easier when you've got both parents there, obviously. And especially like with three or two children, it's like, you know, the ratios are better, aren't they? You've got like one pair of child. I don't want that to undermine. I did, I was awful. with Colby. Oh yeah, totally normal. My main fear now is like you say someone going missing or getting

hurt or yeah, getting lost or like doing something that's like so bad and it probably being me. Like the kids have most of their accidents on my watch because I'm the parent that's with them 90% of the time. Like I'm the primary caregiver and I feel so guilty about that because I'm like, well that happened when I was there and I was responsible and I was in charge of them. Makes you feel shitty. And it makes She feels so shit because I'm like, I have to say to Stefan like, oh, someone's, one of them's got a bruise on their head today because I wasn't watching them when they did X, Y and Z. And like, you can't be in all places all the time. Like, things are going to happen. But I feel so bad and I have to like relay that back to him at the end of a day because it didn't happen on his watch.

Of course it didn't because he's, he's the one that's not there most of the time. But that makes me feel so bad. But I think the kind of, the smaller things that you're getting anxious about, I think, are completely normal. Especially when you've got a new baby. but try to put it into perspective. Like if he has a nappy explosion, what's the worst that can happen? You can take him to a changing room.

You take a change of clothes. You'll have your nappies. You'll have your wipes. You can change the sheet in the bassinet. You just have to go out with a lot of shit, basically. A lot of shit. But, and if there isn't a changing room, change him in the bassinet.

I used to do that all the time. Change him in the, yeah, I was going to say in the bassinet. Or I used to frequently go back to the boot of the car. And I'd change him in the boot of the car. Yeah. You just have to have all your stuff with you. Yes. But try and maybe do like, it doesn't have to be a big outing for the day.

Just do a really small thing. Start really, really small. Go for a walk, pop to a shop. Yeah. And even if the worst thing does happen, you're close enough. You can go back home and sort it all out. Whether it's a quick car drive or I used to get really anxious driving Colby in the car because he had an acid reflux and a silent reflux. That he was going to throw up.

He choked a lot in the back of the car and it used to stress me out. So I'd always have him in the front of the car with me. But I used to sweat. I used to sweat. sweat so much that I've got to pull over on the side of the road and get him out of the car seat because I literally would panic that he can't get enough air. I'd have to pat him in case there was any vomit coming out or if I'd get him any vomit out. It used to be, it was really, really stressful. But I think it got to a point. It might have been when Colby was probably, I think the

only time I ever really got, I remember being confident to go out with him on my own is when he was just over a year old when he was walking, he could hold my hand, he was eating food, and he would sit at a table with me and we'd have a cost of coffee together. And I found probably the first year of Colby's life the hardest. I will happily hold my hands up to it. I didn't do much on my own. I didn't really go anywhere. And if I did go out, I'd go to a baby group, but I'd make sure I was with my friend.

If my friend couldn't make it, I'd just wouldn't go. Did you regret that you didn't spend his maternity leave differently? Um, no, no, because I, I'm not really someone to, I think I've spent a lot of my life beating myself up about things. And I think once I'd had Colby and we, I grew, I would say I grew up a little bit. I've got to a point in life where I just, I don't regret anything that's happened in the past. Also, what brought me a lot of comfort. And again, if you, you want to correct me if I, if it's wrong, they don't remember the first year. of their life. Yeah. You've got so much with your, one, your hormones are all over the place.

You don't feel like yourself. You've got a new human that you're trying to keep alive. You're navigating so much in the first year of their life that actually it's not really, that's, we're like,

we're sweating the small stuff, you know? Yeah, but they're not going to know whether you take them out or not, you know. They're not going to remember. If you're at home with them and you're giving them alive, you're giving them all the care

and attention at home, obviously that is fine. At home there's so much love. Yeah. You've got, you're just oozing so much. so much love to them. You're finding your new way. You're keeping a baby alive. You're trying to regulate your own hormones. Try not to feel shit and cry every single day. There's so much in it. And I just

think what brought me a lot of comfort is the first year of their life. They're not going to remember. And then when we were able to go out as a family, it actually made me feel, it made the moment feel so much more special. Like when we got to take him to the aquarium, because I wasn't going to the aquarium every other day. It felt like when Chris had the weekend off and he was home and we went to the aquarium together. It was like I was savoring the best moments for Chris. So in hindsight, if you can, if you can look at it like that way, I used to plan my weekends because I'd be like, oh, we'll go to the zoo on this day and we'll go to the farm that day and then we'll go to the water part or the sea life centre. So that when Chris would be

like, oh, what are we going to do this weekend? I'd be like, oh, do you want to try going to hear. Yeah, you do all the best things together. And then he wouldn't miss it. I didn't want to go on a Monday, oh, I took him to Pulton's Park today. Sorry, you missed it. Yeah. And he'd be like, oh, do you take some pictures? No, sorry, we were having too much fun. And then I used to feel bad because I used to be like, well, I get to enjoy all this time with our baby while you're out at work.

So, no, I felt like when I could spin it around on that way, it made me feel a lot better. Yeah. But definitely start small. Yes. Because I think it's probably more for you than it is for the baby. Yeah. Go easy on yourself. Because they don't know.

A bit of fresh air or walking the pram is, that's huge. Yeah. Just to even get out of the house to walk to a corner shop is massive. Yeah. Especially, I know you'll say, but he's 13 weeks old. The first year for me, first, the 12, 13 months, I was still following my feet. Yeah. Every day. That's such a short amount of time.

Yeah. And I know she says she's going back to work soon, but don't regret how you've spent it because. And also with going back to work, again, you'll be able to plan weekends to do big things as a family. And it will make, even if it wasn't with your partner and you were doing it with maybe your mum or, your baby's auntie or someone, you know, sharing the moment with somebody. One, it's something to look forward to and two, it's something that is going to feel special for everybody. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And it will help you having another person. But go easy on yourself. Yeah. Don't beat yourself up about it. Yeah. Don't be too hard on yourself.

You're doing absolutely incredible. And I know we can speak for thousands of women that will say exactly the same. Yeah. I think that's like a universal experience. But, you know. Anyone can share their tips and tricks. We would love to. Yeah.

I'd love to know and pass them on to our anonymous friend. She's staying anonymous very much in the deep South Wales. Yes. Maybe you should pop around. My sister. See ya. My sole sister. My soul sister.

Is there anything you did to build your confidence and going out alone with a baby? Let us know. You can email us hello at secretmanpod.com and we're SecretMampod on TikTok and Instagram. And we will be back. First thing on Tuesday. And we will have more of your messages on our next Thursday. episode. And we will see you next time. That's a threat on the Secret Mum Club!