Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Floater Problem

Episode Date: February 8, 2024

It turns out Sophiena isn't the only one dealing with floaters in a pool... We hear from a listener who tells us about her own floater stories and there are more pronunciation mishaps at nursery! As it's Internet Safety week, we have a topical secret about keeping children safe online. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Acast.com Hello, this is The Secret Mom Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. So shall we jump on in?

Shall we? Shall we? Shall we? Shall we hit up the Corish One Lunch Corner? Straight away. These teeth. Still, we've all got new ones. Yeah did they look fresh don't they i keep licking them all the time don't you wish your retainer was fresh like mine i wish mine was because i've had mine for about two years and it's rancid wow that is it does it feel good in your mouth i am a little bit reachy with mine are you reach you with yours since we're pregnant when you take it out like just i wake up in the morning i'm like oh get it out it is gross but i know that i've got to wear it every night for the rest of my life so i've just kind of i'm

just resigned to it really i just felt like it's when i went since i've been pregnant i just i'm struggling with having too much stuff in my mouth you know there's a whole lot in my body right now that's not really mine yeah you just want to get it out get this baby out get this retainer out invasion of my vagina invasion of my mouth sorry anywho back to your correspondence all right here's the first one it says uh it's from becky it says hey soph and emma thank you so much for reading my story out about the poo on the floor and nursery rhymes tantrums you talking about funky town being misheard as fuck a cow reminded me of a time we were having a sing-along and one child said they wanted to sing cock cock i didn't know what they meant and they kept saying cock cock thinking it was old

mcdonald we started singing but then they screamed oh god i want cock. Cock goes snap. That's an aggressive call. It was then that I realised they wanted five little monkeys swinging through the trees, which has a crocodile in the song. I thought it was five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Five little monkeys. Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said

no more monkeys jumping on the bed. Five little monkeys swinging through the trees. so it must be like a crocodile goes snap wow we need to get up on our nursery rhymes she says let's just say i can't sing that song anymore with a straight face keep up the amazing work oh becky thank you there must be so many things like that no one needs a snappy cock do they well look at darts just straight up slutting her friends poor girl i know someone that that's happened to what called her a slut no cock snap oh have you heard about that what when the willy snap when the string goes back the fuck up what's this i think it's called the string on your willy goes. Bando string. And it can snap.

And apparently there's lots of blood. Does it pull your willy straight in? No, I don't know. I don't think your willy like snaps. But that bit can break. What is that bit? What bit? I think just like the bit of like skin at the base.

Like attaching... Like the force? Not at the end. No, at the base. I think it attaches like the willy to the body.'t know i haven't looked i haven't looked that closely but what the pull us up pulls what yeah i don't think it's that bit how would that be what rips off ask chris when you get home what just hangs the little coat just hangs off the zipper goes the zipper's gone on my jacket a little bit of skin wow yeah and it can snap so be careful i've heard about when it goes back too far yeah and you can rip that oh

because didn't that happen in that film wasn't there a movie that that happened in a porno i don't know but i don't want to see it whatever oh i thought it was something about mary or something like that i don't think it was a porno that. I don't think it was a porno. Oh, right. I don't think it was a porno version of something about Mary. Or sounds like something from like American Pie or something. One of those. I don't know what happened now.

Anywho. Anywho, thanks for that, Becky. Yes. Who knew? And so might I be. We'll soon find out. We've got another message here. It says, hello, Safina and Emma.

I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant. Welcome to the crew. And. Hit us. I've been a swimming instructor for many years alongside my other job. We wanted swimming instructors to get in touch after the. Can we come swim with you? After the floater, didn't we?

Yeah. I can confirm that floaters in the pool happen more often than you expect. Stop it. One month, I had to cancel three weeks on the trot as. Some dirty bugger's taking a poo in the pool the same child pooed in the pool every week to get out of his lesson he's doing it on purpose that's a protest i reckon that's gonna be colby soon i reckon you're not far off he's just gonna straight up start shitting in the pool you've got to be careful oh my god who's who's pooed in the pool again that'll'll be Colby. Oh no, what a shame. We must all go home.

There's another turd in the pool. We cannot swim today. Colby, why haven't you pooed all week? Yeah. Saving it for Mondays. Why are you eating loads of Weetabix before your lesson? And dates and prunes.

Yeah, yeah. Where are all my prunes going? She says, luckily this was the lesson before mine, otherwise I would be wondering what I'd done so wrong. Also, you are right. The instructors do get really cold and extremely pruney quite quickly.

And the smell of chlorine never leaves you. Yeah, I can imagine. I feel like that would be really nice to just smell so clean all the time. I do love that smell. Chlorine. It's like... Medical. Yeah, chemically.

Yeah, like a medically septic. No, it's not septic like a yeah chemically chemical yeah like a medically septic no it's not septic what's antiseptic yeah like a bleach yeah yeah like a clean smell like i love it when you walk past a laundrette like i can imagine mrs hinch just smells of chlorine doesn't she just look at and she smells of bleach she smells like her own brand bleach flash spray hashtag ad she says please keep being your amazing selves anonymous oh thanks for clearing those things up because we wanted to know didn't we yeah we did want to know that's really lovely yeah and tell colby if he doesn't want to swim just poo protest just yeah just poo protest yeah let's do it why not you only live once

and if you're a child no one's gonna tell you off do you know what i mean you can get away with all sorts when you're a kid if you're an adult obviously you might get arrested especially as well when you're when you are a child is that your parents take the second hand is it second hand embarrassment you know when yeah the other person takes on your embarrassment yeah i feel like as as mothers and as parents you take it on for them and you do everything in your power so that they don't feel i'm like come on now it's fine yeah it's fine it's nothing to worry about i just join in what are you doing i'm taking the shit in the pool prove it's normal i, I believe that you would.

I think you would do that. I just mean, you know. Solidarity. Solidarity. Exactly. We're all in this together. And we poo in the pool.

Simultaneously. But thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts, or funny stories, why not get in touch you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com or we're secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram next it's time for one of your secrets you dirty buggers Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Celine Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again?

I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. ACAST.com So we love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. Yeah, you are all so good at sharing.

So what have we got this week, Emma? All right, this comes from Yolanda. Oh, beautiful name. Lovely name. She says, hi, ladies. My little ones are growing up so fast, and with them both approaching double digits, I worry about them being online.

I know other parents let their kids online, but I've stopped mine because I'm scared about where they might end up. Have I done the right thing? Oh, no. I don't think you've done the wrong thing. Yolanda hasn't said ages of the baby's hashing. She says approaching double digits. Oh, okay.

So we're coming into like... Maybe a little bit older than yours. Yeah, maybe a little bit older. Well, we're quite hot on the old internet. You're more into this than I am, I guess. Joseph's too young at the moment. Yeah, and it's actually internet safety day this week so we are going into school this week because the children's school have arranged for us well colby's not dotty's because i feel like they're a little

bit too small have arranged for us to come into school and have a chat about how to keep the baby safe on the internet nice which i think is phenomenal and i think the school are getting us involved so that we can take those things home but i'm i'm pretty i'm not gonna lie to you i'm a little bit strict i can try you pretty hot on it yeah and the beauty of apple products at home with the apple tablets and the phone you can link them so you can permanently be in control of the tablets you can control street screen time you can make like uh parental guidance you know when there's like something that you don't want them to go on you can change all uh parental guidance you know when there's like something that you don't want them to go on you can change all the parental guidance on them i just think it's phenomenal

but you can turn their devices off from your phone yeah you can put them into sleep mode and you can set timers for them to go off so if we set the children time because they have they have apps on the tablet so they can use like educational apps of times tables and there's fun games that they get from school that they can download onto the tablet and play you can put like a time to say oh we've got till 6 30 on the on the tablets and then they'll they'll go off that's your times are that's amazing imagine what i'm going to be able to do with joseph's phone and this other baby by the time they're using them i just think it's phenomenal and i don't think i don't think you can ever be too safe no i don't think that and i spoke about this in the week actually on my um on my instagram because there

was a lady that was just a little bit unkind about the fact that i refer to my children as my babies and i wasn't bothered about it but i just there's so much judgment in this world of how one we parent our children yeah what we do but we live in a world where our children can't be children anymore. We're telling them things now to protect them from the likes of how scary the internet is. Because us growing up, we never had access to it. My mum and dad would have gone mad. I'm so glad we didn't. I'm so glad we didn't.

I'm so glad we didn't. I just think our children now in this generation can't be children. We've got 11, 12, 13 year old girls asking for skincare. Crazy. Which I just think is, it just blows my mind. Like, why would I not want them to be my babies? And she was just like, oh, you're downgrading your children by calling. My children argue over who is my baby.

Like now the baby is coming and we refer to baby. They want to be the baby. We refer to baby as baby to everybody other than at home. Baby gets to by his name but obviously we've not shared his name yeah is it hard not to let it slip it must be it is a little hard not to let it slip i say the only one that's struggling just a tiny bit is dot yeah because she just so fluidly says his name um but where i've heard to the baby i'll have a full-on debate and colby's like you know when the baby comes i'm still your baby aren't i and i'm like yeah you know when the baby comes i'm still your baby aren't i and i'm like yeah you're just my big baby and when i even put it on my social media

that i said to dotty what would you do if i didn't call you my baby anymore and i called you my big girl and she was like that would make me really sad yeah so i just think why not just let them be little yeah there's so much pressure in this world so i don don't think any scenario in life, I'm fully with Yolanda that I'll take every precaution above and beyond to make sure that I'm being over safe. I want to be too safe. I also want to let them know about the things in the world that are scary, but I also want them to know that home is a safe place for them to just be their own little person and be creative in themselves

because I still want them to grow up to be their own little version of themselves rather than oh i must go to school and wear those sort of trainers because the boys at schools wear them i teach the children to own it if that's what you want to wear and that's what you want to do and that's what you want to be be that person and they've got their whole lives to be grown up they literally are so little for such a short amount of time why are we rushing them and just some people just need to let it go i think but yes so you're lander you're fine i think you're doing great i think it's better to be safe than sorry yeah truly truly live by that um and definitely apple does help us on a daily basis at home with regards to having safety on the um

tablets and phones because even when you're out and about and you don't have the tablet, I've still got so many restrictions on my phone as well for the children. Yeah. So yeah, I think you're doing a great job. Don't ever doubt yourself. So do you have any tips for Yolanda? Please do let us know.

Yeah, you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back on Monday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion.

My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monet get your podcasts.