Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Forbidden Foods

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

Soph and Emma help a soon-to-be mum struggling with the long list of foods you’re not allowed to eat during pregnancy. Plus, the Correspondence Corner returns with messages for a listener whose family refuses to call her an aunty. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is a secret mum club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits, honey. Oh, God. Sorry, that was really much.

Very flemy in the throat today. Yeah. You're catching something. Flemmy in the back. What? All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Show a John Bonie. It's time for another.

Correspondence Corner It's never going to get old that Do you think people who weren't listening originally know what we're doing when we do that? Am a celebrity, get me out of here? Yeah, but if you didn't know that and we were just going Dun dun dun dun dun da da da da da da da

They think bloody hell this is a great game show Yeah, great theme So Emma, let's have our first one please Okay, hi ladies Hello I love you both and the pod Thank you Thank you

But Shut the fuck up Listening has helped me work through so much So I thought I'd share something in response To the Biscuit Choke episode Where Beth wrote in about not being called an auntie By her partner's family So sad

I really sympathised I had a similar experience at my in-law's house When my younger brother-in-law Was asking questions about me and my stepson Who was three at the time Do we need to recap on Beth? Beth was the lady, sorry Before I was going to, I didn't want to interrupt you then

Beth was the lady that's basically written in to she is with her partner and her partner's brother is having a baby. Yeah. And she is basically being a little bit ostracized by the family by her not being called auntie. Yes. And we were trying to figure out as to why they were getting to that point because if they were having a baby, the two of them, then what would the partner of the brother expect to be called and so forth? Best Pescue wanted to be an auntie. You can catch up on that episode if you would like to listen back. Yes, so are we following here? This says when my younger brother-in-law, who's asking questions about me and my step-son, who was three at the time, he asked if I was his mum. And when I explained who his mum was his mum was his step-mum. Before I could answer, my partner's dad bluntly said something along the lines of, no, you can't be a step-mom until you're married. Hmm. I was heartbroken. All the love, care and sleepless nights I'd poured into our life together suddenly felt completely dismissed. It hurt even more because I'd struggled with the role of the role of the role of the stepmom and I'd only just felt ready to say yes to that question. My partner did stand up for me and spoke to his dad who apologised, though not directly to me, but it definitely left a sour taste.

Thankfully, my mother-in-law didn't agree and has always been wonderful. Now my partner and I are engaged. We have our own place and a loving home with my almost seven-year-old stepson, who we co-parent beautifully. I suppose it does work out in the end and sometimes you really do have to protect your own peace. Lots of love anonymous from Bristol. That is so glad of the happy end. Happy ending and the lovely mother-in-law. But what a fucking dick her father-in-law is. Don't say that. I think it's weird that they were kind of having the conversation in the first place.

Like the brother-in-law was even saying, who's his mum then? I think that's a bit rude. I just find it so baffling. Like, why is it that we've, why is it that we can't just go, yeah, why is he asking if you're a step-mom? There must be something that's in there for him to ask that. Was he just being nosy? Yeah, was he being nosy? Was he generally being caring or asking us?

Yeah, maybe just interested. It seems a bit insensitive. It is a little bit insensitive. But why is a fully grown man gone? No, not a stepmom until you're married. That's not the case. That's not the case. Sorry, granddad.

If somebody has been in the child's life for a really long time and is raising them and is doing everything a mother does to raise a child, regardless marriage or not, you're a stepmom. Why are people, it's like the older generation obsessive. marriage. Like the things are only official or they only mean something or they only matter when you're married. Loads of people aren't married. I'm not married. I am, but it doesn't mean shit. I just don't know. I don't understand what the, I don't know what the, maybe it's because it's, again, as I always say with everything, I sound like a broken record. It's not my reality. So I don't know. Maybe I'm being naive or maybe I'm just not looking at the bigger picture. But I always say,

right, if me and Chris were to separate and we were years down the line or however it was and we decided that we had partners and we wanted to introduce them to the children, if there is a woman that one is looking after Chris and loving him and doing everything she can for him, but also doing the same for my children, yes, it's painful if the relationship splits up for whatever reason, whether it's a great, an amicable breakup or whether it's not. And if there's, if there, there is somebody that's in your child's life that is loving them, raising them, feeding them, keeping them warm, protecting them, and doing everything for your child, I just don't know how we can tarnish that person. Why does the title matter? Because also, if somebody was out with them,

you know, and said, oh, are you their mum? And she panicked and said, no, no, I'm not their mother. No, if you're in that moment and you're loving and caring for that child, I just go, well, yeah, yeah. You know, it's complicated, but yeah. Or just step-mom, yeah. And I don't feel anybody should feel any guilt in saying, no, I'm step-mom, yeah, step-mom. Because also, you could apply that to loads of things. Like if a child was adopted, would he be like, oh, that's not really their mum or dad? Sorry, well, yeah, what are we going to say now, sorry, not your, I'm not your mum or dad, you're adopted.

No. And again, it's in that scenario that when you do look at it in that perspective or surrogacy or however, you know, what are we going to just say? No, sorry, you're not actually their mum. Yeah, you don't get to use that title. Sandra, you are. Sandra and Will. No, you still, they're still, it doesn't matter how it comes. How you got there?

Yeah, you're still there, mum. I just am very passionate about this, I'm sorry. Yeah. But I'm glad now it is a little bit more harmonious. I love that like he apologised, but not to her. That's so fucking. I don't like that. I just do it through someone else.

Like, no. Apologise to her partner, but she didn't get the apology direct to her face. Yeah. Without being rude, she's also raising. That's his grandson. Yeah, his grandson then. Yeah. So she's raising his grandson that he gets to enjoy the best bits of

because she's doing all the footwork at home in co-parenting with his biological mom. Yeah, and he's like, oh, it's not really though. She's a bonus mom and she's doing everything in supporting that relationship to make sure that you have a really great grandson. Oh, I just, people are dicks, aren't they? Sorry about that. It was really in a probes. Thank you, In IOS.

You do you, boo-boos. As long as we're all doing our best and we're not. hurting anybody. Fuck the world. Yeah, fuck the haters. Fuck the haters. Okay, we've had another response about Beth's message here. Oh, lovely.

From Zoe. It says, hey ladies, I'm not a biological aunt, but I absolutely have nieces and nephews that I would do anything for. To me, being an auntie is about how you show up. My best friends, two children and my world, they call me auntie and it means everything to me. I might not be family on paper, but they know that if they ever need me, I'm there with bells on.

It makes me sad that some people think you have to be biologically connected to earn that title. If you love those kids and show up for them, then to them, you are an aunt. Yeah. Amen, sister. Amen, sister. I couldn't agree more, Zoe. Couldn't agree more. I think if you're doing the most, they won't even question it though, you know. If they go to visit somebody else that is an auntie, you know, if you go and visit an uncle and auntie and you automatically go auntie, if they're going to uncles, it will, it's like a thing, isn't it? It's like a thing is that you go, like if the children say, I'm going to Auntie's house, well, it is Uncle Jammey's house as well.

And I'm like, yeah, I know, but obviously Uncle Jammies is at work. He's just not home. But they'll correct me. I feel like it comes in suit. And I think if you're doing the most and you're showing up, biological or not, you take that title, you wear that crown with pride. I love that.

Thank you all so much for coming back to us. And hopefully, Beth, if you are listening, that is giving you a little bit more reassurance in knowing that you are, the boss you're doing the most you're doing the most so thank you so much

for your messages if you have any comments thoughts or funny stories why not get in touch you can email us hello at secret mumpod or with secret mumpod on TikTok and Instagram

next it's time for one of your secrets welcome back we love a secret on the secret mum club and you're all so good at sharing so Emma what have you got for us today okay this one comes from Anonymous

says hello Safina and Emma I've been a listener of the podcast since the very beginning and it honestly feels like you're my friends. We are. We are. Not feeling, honey. It's there in the blood. I'm currently five weeks pregnant. Oh, that's... Wow. So, so early and so exciting.

I know. So now I finally feel like I'm officially in The Secret Mum Club. Yes, you are. I have a question about food and drink during pregnancy. What are you actually not allowed to have? Oh, it's bloody minefield, isn't it? It is a minefield. I feel like every day there's a new rule and nowhere seems to explain it clearly. My anxiety is through the roof because I'm constantly researching

everything and worrying I'll get something wrong. Any guidance would be so appreciated. Thank you again. I don't think I was as worried with Colby, but with Renly, I was definitely way more. I feel like it was more a topic. I always referred back to the NHS, NHW website or anything that would give me, that was medical professional. I just would like to start by saying that. I just don't think you can. I'm a bit of a warrior. I do worry. I do worry. I do get a stress. there is a lot of people that you will watch on social media that are a bigger presence and have platforms and they talk about that. But I truly am from my heart's core would say to you to always trust your gut and always go. And if you are unsure, I just wouldn't eat it. That's me. That was only me. If I was unsure or I didn't know or there wasn't enough evidence about it, I just wouldn't. I just wouldn't eat it. Also, I will say with Renley, I basically could only eat pine chips. Yeah, probably because what you're going to fancy is going to be beige food anyway. It's going to be all sandwiches.

Dotsie was McDonald's and toast. Coopi was spinach, hummus, pitters and sausages. You were healthy with him? Was because I had the gestational diabetes. But that's all I ate is pitter and hummus when I was pregnant with. My mom was peanut butter sandwiches. Oh, delicious. And like squash, because when you can't have an alcoholic drink, you want like a...

Renners and dots are all beige. Yeah. But I think if you are unsure, my only advice to you being at similar. and that I worry I just wouldn't eat it. Yeah. You know, I just, you can stay, like, you can eat the healthier things that you know are completely like pitter and hummus, you know, a dip or crisps and a dip. Probably what your normal diet is.

But I think what fucked me up was like how much tuna you could eat or what if you were allowed shellfish or how much like mercury and fish. I know, but I will say it's very terrifying. Probably what you're already eating is probably going to be quite a normal diet. Like who's probably eating too much mercury and fish anyway? Do you know what I mean? How much fish have you got to eat? That's what I mean.

I didn't know. So I just don't know how much mercury you can eat or how much. So I just avoided it. Yeah. But I definitely, that's my only advice would be to go on the NHS website. Yeah. Or ask your midwife. I mean, obviously there's the obvious ones.

Like don't drink. You can have your balanced diet like fruits, vegetables, carbs, fiber. Make sure you're having, you know, all of your... Balance diet. Yeah. Make sure you're having all of those nutrient rich foods, which is rich coming from because I don't think I ate one fucking vegetable. No, no, fruit or veg.

They just turn my stomach. I couldn't do it. So yeah, as long as you're sticking to the main things, having a bit of calcium, a bit of dairy. Just don't go too harm on the Bluetooth. You're definitely not allowed anything unpasteurised. And if you eat in a restaurant, they'll tell you, ask the waiter what you're allowed to have. Yeah, I was going to say, once they start noticing you have a bump,

restaurants are very good with being like, oh, you're pregnant. Let me tell you what you can have. Yeah. And things like drinks, I know there's talks of not too much caffeine. Yeah. I feel like it's really hard. this sounds really condescending and really patronising. But once you get your head around it, it is just very basic.

And it is, did I eat adventurous while I was pregnant? Probably not. I probably had way too many McDonald's than I should have had. But I just, I personally just worried far too much. I reduced my caffeine. I had decaf coffee. Made sure I drunk plenty of water. Made sure I had good fats, avocados, if you can stomach them.

I'm a bit slimy when you're pregnant. Obviously staying away from sushi, raw fish and things like that. But again, there's going to be people that you're seeing, eating all of these things, eating a dippy egg. Did I eat a dippy egg? No, I didn't. For the life of me, I didn't eat it because I was too scared. But I think there's a certain type of egg that you can eat.

I just cooked the hell out of my head. I scrambled them to with an inch of their life. Fried eggs, there was no runny centre on those. I think you have a lion's down from the egg. It's fine. Just me personally. And I think if you just make sure that you're covering yourself, I personally wouldn't take any advice from anybody, just check every resource, NHS website.

Yeah, stick to the official website. You're unsure, make a list and ask your midwife as well. See if they can give you any advice on that. But I just, if you are unsure, I maybe would just avoid it. I just don't overthink it as well. I think people, like, it's. That's easy to say. It's easy.

I don't want to say that because I did overthink it. But people do overcomplicate things. Like on my second pregnancy, I think I was way more like, relaxed. It's fine. Yeah. But then it is her first as well. Yes. It's understandable.

Yeah, yeah. But I think if you are covering every angle, taking in all your notes, once you get your head around it, you'll be flying. And you also might find that you crave something, you might crave something that you eat on repeat. Yeah. You know? I made burger and chips. I really loved most days. I did.

I did eat the most. A bowl of cereals, toast, crumpets. Yeah. Make sure I didn't have too much caffeine. I think it's like something is capped at something, isn't it? How much caffeine. It's like two cups of tea or one cup of. coffee or something like that, isn't it?

Something like that. Check the NHS website. I just had, I just had decaf coffee. But yeah, I think, and the fact that you're writing in and asking means that you are very aware. Yeah, you're on it. Yeah, I think you're very conscious. So I don't think you need to, don't you think you need to panic.

But I think it's very justifiable. I was stressed. Yeah. Very stressed about. And more stressed as you went along. Yes. It didn't get better. No.

Interesting. Didn't get any better. And then when the baby comes here and you start weaning the baby, that's a whole new mind filled, isn't it? Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. So you'll be back.

and be asking for tips and when you are weaning the baby, which we will say, go to the NHS. Just go to the NHS website. Yes. But thank you so much. Thank you. And congratulations. Yeah, congratulations. Sending you all the baby sprinkling, love and hope that you don't get any sickness and the pregnancy is an absolute dream.

Yeah, keep us updated. But please do keep us updated. And again, if anybody does have any advice or anything that we can share that on, that would be wonderful. Email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.