Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Forensic Collision Investigator

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

After Soph talked about her alternative careers, the ladies take a skills and career test - and the results are not what you’d expect! We hear some top tier nut allergy info and the ladies try to help one mum struggling with mum life! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursdays episode where we get to squeezing all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits. I'm trying to just get an itch on my eye there. Are you winking or have you just got a sore eye? I've just got bad eye. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on it? Let's do it. We've been doing something really fun, haven't we? We're doing some research. If you didn't listen to Thursday's episode.

Tuesday's episode. It's Tuesday, this is Thursday. Glad you were listening. That's proof that you are listening. On Tuesday's episode, we were talking about alternative jobs. Yes, we were. So we actually did a little national careers, didn't we? Yeah, because we were talking about

doing your careers test at school. And it used to tell you, you used to do like a little national careers. Yeah, because we were talking about doing your careers test at school and it used to tell you, you should do like a little questionnaire and it'll tell you what job it thinks you should do. Are any of us doing those jobs now? No, we're not. Absolutely not. I don't know if you actually are. Mine was rubbish. I did do mine though when I left school, but then I didn't continue on. What did it say you should be? Travel agent, well, air hostess, but then I got a really strange fear of flying. So then I just became a travel agent. That'd be a great one for you. Scared of planes. Mine said environmental health officer, but we've done an updated version. We have, we have the grand old age of 36. Was very

cool. Do you want to know what mine was? There may be some clips from us actually taking the test, but I, my career that they think I should be doing is a forensic collision investigator. Let me just break that down for you. Forensic collision investigators use science and engineering to investigate the causes of road traffic and vehicle related incidents. I think you'd be good at that. I think I'd be good. Yeah. Only downfalls you have to be on call.

Yes. Shift work. We were saying that people crash at inconvenient times. But what I would need to know if anybody is listening and is a forensic collision investigator. Yes. I would like to come and spend the day with you like a work experience. I think that sounds like a really interesting job. I think it sounds phenomenal.

Sounds great. Would you like to share with us what yours is? Mine came out as managerial or social care lol. Imagine I was your carer. I don't know why it came out. Why did you say lol? You Imagine I was your carer. I don't know why it came out. Why did you say lol? You'd be a wonderful carer. I'd be rubbish.

You're joking. I'd be rubbish at that. You are really downplaying yourself. You're a lovely caring person. Thank you. Well anyway, I clicked through and I answered some more questions about managerial. So it came out with office manager, public relations director, rural surveyor. Oh, I'd love to be a surveyor though. I won't lie, I'd love to be a surveyor. Involving valuation of land management and auctioneering. Yes.

I'm the auctioneer. Bang. Sold. Bang. Sold to the lady in the stripes. And up to 60,000 pounds. Wow. One of the ones that made me laugh the most was security service personnel. Security. You ain't getting past these guns.

Imagine. It said, protect the UK against threats to national security. Okay. What? Little me. What would you? Whistleblower? I'm going for public relations director because it's up to a hundred thousand pounds a year. I'm going for forensic collision investigator. That's exciting. Yeah. I'd love to know that. I literally said I would like to be an FBI CSI. Well guys, this will be the last episode of the podcast as we move on to our new career. We've had fun, but it's time for a change. Now I'm off to my forensic collision investigator job. It's never too late to retrain. It is never too late. You're never too old. I was hoping it was going to come. It did

come back with some other ones though, didn't it for me? Yeah. It always come back with healthcare. Emergency though, didn't it for me? Yeah. It always come back with healthcare. Emergency service personnel, which again, I can see that. Emergency. So it came out originally with beauty and wellbeing, which I don't think is my general Sophie is laughing in the background. You're not meant to find it that funny, Sophie, all right.

And then it was emergency services. Yeah, I can see that. And then it said healthcare. Yeah. So we clicked the emergency services because that was the one I was more drawn to. And then it said healthcare. Yeah. So we clicked the emergency services because that was the one I was more drawn to. Yeah. And then from further investigation.

Crash investigator. Forensic collision investigator. Wow. Clearly. Imagine that. Honestly. Very cool. I don't know who they think I am. Maybe I lied at a few of the questions.

The questions. The questions were a little, the questions were a lot because Emma said, do you like talking to people? And she said, strongly disagree. And then it said, you should be a social worker. It's like, yeah, it was like, do you like meeting new people? Strongly disagree. Do you like listening to other people's problems?

Strongly disagree. You should be a carer. Do you like actually doing activities that you have planned? Are you nice to people? Strongly disagree. You should be a party planner. Yeah, exactly. So it's somewhat all over the place. Although I do want to just take it with a pinch of salt because, you know, I'm strongly looking into the new role of a forensic collision. I feel like I've got the job.

Yeah. So if anybody does do the job, please tell me and can I come and spend the day at work with you? Thank you very much. But it's time to stop talking about our future careers and move on to the correspondence corner. So Emma, hit us with your social work. Let's hear all about the security threats to the UK's national security. No, we've got one from Aisha in Dorset. She's getting back in touch. Oh, hello. Hello. Hello, ladies. Yes. Thank you so much for recommending the Nook bottles with the Disney characters on them. My two year old daughter, Isla drank her milk from it for the first time in two to three weeks. No way. That was your recommendation because Dottie likes them. Yes.

She says, I'd already tried all kinds of Tommy Tippie bottles, but she didn't like any of them. I'm so grateful the pod is here for advice on everything. Thank you amazing ladies for keeping us parents going through the rough times. Oh my gosh. What an absolute joy that is. Lovely to know when you've made a difference.

Yes. It's a wonderful feeling. Like gives you little butterflies in your tummy. Do you ever feel that? Thank God you recommended those ones. Cause we banged on about the Tommy Tippies a lot. And she's like, no, those ones haven't worked. No, the Tommy Tippies was good for the boys,

but not your Dots was no, she was an effect. To be fair, they Colby had their little Disney bottles. Renly does have them, but he doesn't, it really, really despises a silicone lid, like a silicone sippy cup. So he likes it plastic where he has a little straw. I just bought him a little Lightning McQueen cup with a straw and he just sips it out of the side of his mouth. We're getting into cars at the moment. Very in our cars era. I'm trying my best but

we're still very much Zootropolis or Elemental. It's good. It's hard because Joseph always wants the side character toys so he keeps asking me for a Mater, the truck and I'm like that's not a side character it's a main. No I know but can you even get a Mater toy? Yes I bought one from the Disney store. Lightning McQueen always comes hand in hand with Maitre. If you buy a packet of cars, you always get a Maitre. They got pullback ones in the Disney store at the moment. Promo for Disney UK in London. You pull it back and it shots forward, but it comes in a pair. It comes with Maitre and Lightning McQueen. Don't question me on my knowledge of Lightning McQueen because I tell you, if

you want to know about Disney Pixar toys, so finish your gal. Especially Lightning McQueen. Well don't tell Joseph, because I keep going, that one's not available. Right, I'll sort you out Jojo, don't you stress my guy. Don't you stress. But I love that, thank you.

Yeah, thank you Aisha, I'm glad that worked out for you. Yeah, I'm glad it worked out for you, God bless you. All right, we've got another message here about transitioning from the bottle from Alice in Cambridgeshire. She says, hey ladies, I recently had my one year check with my little boy and the health visitor was very pushy about getting him off bottles and onto cups. She said it's for the sake of their teeth, which I know you were wondering about. This is my second baby and honestly, I'm in no rush. My first

didn't move to cups until closer to two and her teeth absolutely fine. I just wanted to share my take and say trust your gut and do what feels right for your babies. Love the podcast. Keep being you. Sorry about that. I thought you were, I was, I was cutting in that 100%. Hear, hear that sister. You definitely, I know, and as well, I've got a massive appreciation for people in their jobs and they are trying to do their best. And that's, that's what they're, they're there to do is to tell us what is the best thing to do with your child. But you do have to just trust your gut as a mom. You just go, do you know what? It's not right for them right now. And I randomly bought a potty for Renly the other day because he

literally, literally despises his nappy so much, hates his nappy. The moment you take his vest off, he will get that nappy off. He is not holding that nappy on. He pulls at it. I don't know whether at the moment, because the sun's been so nice. He's uncomfortable. He's getting really, really sweaty. But I bought him a potty. You're thinking about doing it already? Yeah, because we've got such lovely weather. He loves being outside. Just let him run around outside.

But what I think I'm going to use my tactics. I'm going to make Dottie and Colby wee on the potty and then hope that he just follows suit. He'll copy them. I'd love to know Dottie and Colby wee on the potty and then hope that you just follow suit. He'll copy them. Yeah. Oh, I'd love to know if he gets it. Colby will literally be like, I'm not sitting on that tiny potty. Yeah.

I made it by the tiny toilet one. Did you? Oh, the little one that looks like a toilet. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. But now the summer's coming, the weather's coming. Well, I say it's coming. It's pretty much here.

Yeah, it's been. It's been, it's been gone. Be over next week. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to go with it, but you have to follow the lead in your own child. I'm always a bit confused when people talk about the pressure to get off of bottles and onto cups,

whether they mean for water or milk. Cause you do see some people giving their child water in bottles, don't you? Which I don't think is recommended. So we do a milk in the morning in a cup, or like the nuke ones in a sippy cup. And then during the day, he has like a normal straw bottle. I'd say normal, like what the bigger two have. So he just has a bottle exactly the same. He doesn't ever have a baby bottle with a tea anymore. Bedtime. Just a

bedtime. But even that he's starting to reject that now. He doesn't really want that. But to be fair, he doesn't really want the milk. So it is hard because the milk at the moment is a little bit of a comfort for him because he's teething horrifically. So he's not really wanting any food. So we're trying our best to just stick with that. But the other night, he just,

well, he had his milk in his cup the other night. So I thought, well, as long as the milk's going in to fill up his belly a little bit. But again, you have to follow the lead. It's so interesting how they're all different, isn't it? I mean, yeah, we still don't give Joseph milk and a cup. Dottie would still have a bottle now if she could. She loves it.

Or a dummy, she loved her dummy so much, Doc. Yeah. But yeah, thank you so much. Thank you for just reassuring us knowing that we're all in this together. And we're all doing fucking great. Yeah, we all are. One last message here.

It says, hi, Sophie and Emma. I've just finished the Tushy toothbrush episode. And wow, what a roller coaster of emotions. My husband has a nut allergy. So I've always been anxious about our son possibly being allergic to. I actually wrote into the pod back in October about his CMPA, cow's milk protein allergy, and how your episodes gave me the confidence to start trying again. Thank you. After two years on a waiting list, we finally had his peanut challenge at the hospital a few weeks ago. And good news, he's not allergic. In fact, peanuts are now his favorite treat. I've told him he can only have them when daddy's not home. And the other day he asked, mommy, if daddy's not here today, why aren't we eating nuts?

Like you've got to have them all the time when daddy's out. We've still got almonds to go. His challenge is this Monday. I tested him with a tiny bit of almond mousse when he was six months old and thought he had a reaction. So fingers crossed. Just a heads up to the protein in peas is the same as the one in peanuts. Did you know that?

Pea as in the vegetable pea, yes. You're a pea family. Yeah, we are a pea family. Yeah, we love peas. So a lot of people with peanut allergies are also allergic to peas, my husband included. Wow, I didn't know that. I'll tell that to my sister

because her little boy is struggling with allergies and sometimes she gives him things that aren't nuts that he reacts to and she's not sure why. So maybe it's the peas. Thank you so much. It's especially tricky with breadcrumb coatings as they often contain pea protein and can trigger a reaction.

Hope that helps Becky. Becky, that's so helpful. That is wonderful knowledge, Becky. Go you sister. So informational. Yeah, which is really hard, isn't it? I knew about the breadcrumb coating is really, really difficult.

Cause that's on quite a few things, isn't it? Because also it's in dough. So like pizza dough. So when my sister, growing up, my sister had a friend that was really, really allergic to peanuts and she'd phone the pizza shop or something or just say, can I just check if there's peanuts in the pea protein or any nut in the, in the dough? And they used to laugh and say, no, like what are you talking about? There's no, no peanuts in it.

But it's, it's a thing. I would never have known that. That is wild. Wow. That is crazy, isn't it? Thank you so much, Becky. Thank you, Becky. Any more you wanna share with us so we can share it to anyone listening, because that may really help your sister.

Yeah, massively. I don't think she knew that, especially about the breadcrumbs as well. That's huge. Thank you so much. What a lovely set of messages. They were lovely today, weren't they? Go team.

It's always an ego boost from, you know, people say they love the podcast. For you. Thank you for sending your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your, your secrets. Welcome back. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you are all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got for us this week? Okay, this says, hello beautiful ladies. I have two children ages nine and nearly four. My nine-year-old had me believing I'd nailed parenthood. He was an easy baby, a good sleeper,

and is still an absolute dream. Then along came my daughter, and I realized I hadn't nailed it at all. She was a terrible sleeper and cried constantly. I thought once she turned three, it would get easier, but I was wrong. She's hard work. She's stubborn, constantly needs stimulation,

and no matter what we do, it never seems to be the right thing. Today we went to the doctor's, and she screamed the entire time we were in the waiting room. Cue the stairs from every other person there. I honestly wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Please tell me she'll get easier. Please tell me this is just a very long phase.

I feel burnt out and like I'm failing. I need a glimmer of hope that it's not just me from a very tired mummy, Ebony. Oh, Ebony, sweetheart. Do you know what? I can really relate to this because I always say this is that Dots is the wild child. And obviously Renly's too little at the moment for me to be able to, I was going to say compare because we're not comparing, but to look at them

and try and find some similarities or see anything that's, you know, different or, you know, I don't want to say comparison, but that is the only word. I think you do that naturally, don't you? Yeah, the only word that I can use to describe it. So Renly is loud. I feel like he's loud because he's number three and he wants to be seen, he wants to be heard. He's strong, he's confident, he's independent, massive, massive mummies boy, more so than any of the other two. And they're all different in their own way. So Colby was really easy. He's really patient. He's really calm. He's really loving.

He was a trickier baby though. Tricky baby. Yeah. Cause he had his CMP and he had reflux and things like that. But from, I would say from 18 months, literally like a dream. Slept great, used to put himself to bed. He was wonderful. The dream, the dream baby, like divine. I would only say where he's coming up nine. So similar to Ebeneze, Ebeneze. Yeah. So it was similar age again, a boy. So I feel like he's very relaxed, very calm, you know, just a chill number one. I feel like he's baby number one and he's in a book, the pinnacle of baby number one. Then came Dot. Wow, we were, I cry every day. I cry every day that I just, I cry every day that I just don't make her happy, but I know

I make her happy. I know that she feels loved and we love her, but I cry a lot because she is, she's way more emotional. She's way more sensitive. I struggle sometimes that I don't make her happy, even though I know I do. Because of things she says or? Yeah, or she'll come in and she'll get really, really frustrated or really angry. And then she'll be like, that's not what I wanna do.

I wanna do it this way. I don't want that for dinner. And it's not, there's no start to finish with dots. She doesn't sort of just go, could I have this for dinner? Actually, I don't really fancy that for dinner. Could I maybe have this instead? It's just, I don't want that for dinner. But I'm like-

From like nought to a hundred, straight away, yeah. Yeah, she's tired, she's worn out. But she is, what I always say is this, she is a second child. She's a girl, she's sassy, she's tired, she's worn out. But she is, what I always say is this, she's a second child, she's a girl, she's sassy, she's strong, she's independent. Do I wanna say it gets easier? This has been probably since Dottie was maybe about three, four, I would say it's been.

Which is the same age as Ebony's little girl, yeah. It is the same age, it's been from then. But do I say it gets easier? No, I feel like you find, I think it was hard at the start. I found it a lot more emotional at the start to maybe now she's coming up seven. She'll be seven in September. She is just, I think as well as we're learning to parent them in two different ways. So the way our parent Colby is completely different to the way I parent Dots.

I love them both equally. All three of them exactly the same, but I can't parent all three of them the same because it's impossible. I can't parent Colby the way I parent Dotty because he'd be like, I literally, why are you panicking? Like I didn't, I didn't say anything, you know, sometimes I have to like switch my, switch my hats. And I think that is a perfectly normal thing to do.

So I think you, I don't think it gets easier. I think you just learn to deal with situations and the things that you're faced with. It is hard when you're out. It does get easier the older they're getting and the more understanding they're getting. I totally agree. I think that for Joseph,

there was such a massive jump between two and three, literally he turned three on his third birthday. And I was like, oh yeah, this is like, I can like reason with you now and you can explain yourself and you can, he can understand so much, so much more. And it just, it makes like the lines of communication. Obviously still has like meltdowns and tantrums

and he's not happy. And he refuses, the latest thing is like refusing to eat dinner, like he'll ask us to make him something. I feel like it's testing. They're testing the boundaries, and he refuses, the latest thing is like refusing to eat dinner. Like he'll ask us to make him something that he wants, but he doesn't eat it. They're testing you, they're testing the boundaries, but it does get easier, I think the older they get, but it's hard when you're, especially when you're in public

and you feel like people are judging you or watching you, because it's hard when it happens at home, but it's even harder when you feel like eyes are on you and people are thinking, why aren't you doing anything to make yourself be quiet? I think in those situations, maybe with both the bigger ones, I don't think I have with Renly,

but I know how much it's hurting you inside when people are staring. You just got to throw a smile. I will always just throw a smile. Yeah, try to ignore it. Yeah, I just- Yeah. I think some people are maybe like- Don't ever apologize for them expressing themselves and having their time to be who they want to be. And it is stressful.

It's stressful in situations where you're overwhelmed by different people, strangers that are sat in the waiting room at the doctor's surgery. The smells are wild. The lighting's crazy. There's people storming up and down. There's someone shouting at receptionists. It's hot as fuck. There's a woman in a headset looking like Madonna. It's a lot. It's a lot to process. I think as well when some people are staring at you, they're like sympathizing. It seems like they may be judging you. But like if I see like a mom or a dad out and their kid is like kicking off and they're struggling, I'm trying to be like, I'm looking at you, but like I'm seeing you. I'm trying to like offer a sympathetic smile.

I offer a smile. And I think that sometimes the best way to be is just to offer a smile. Yeah, there's nothing you can do. No, there is nothing you can do. Kids are gonna kick off. Yeah. But it's hard when I feel like for Ebony, she feels like it's all the time.

Yeah, all the time. And you're not getting a break. And I do feel like as well, is with Dottie, I've made it sound like it's, you know, at the moment we are in a, I was going to say a transition, maybe I don't know if that's the right word, but we're in a hormone development. So with girls and boys as well, but girls, I think more so the, the hormone levels are all over the place. Whereas boys seem to drop for a long period of time and then they have a spike

and then it goes, yeah They kind of level out. Yeah, kind of levels out. So it doesn't seem as dramatic. Whereas I feel like with girls, it's way more of a wave and it's very up and down. And it's just, yeah, I wouldn't say, yeah, probably does get easier, but I wouldn't say too easy.

I think it's just we parent. Maybe you learn to just deal with the challenges. You do, yeah, yeah, you do learn to deal with the challenges, but I hope I'm not wrong in saying that I feel like I'm the same and I feel like there's a lot of people out there who do also feel the same in this situation, but it is tiring. It's tiring. There's times when we can have spels where everyone is happy and everyone's incredible. And then we go for

a spelt where Colbes is emotional and Dot's is emotional. And then every day they come home from school and they're both crying and then they cry when they leave in the morning to go to school. And sometimes it's his patches that we go through where it just seems like everyone is sad. Everyone is crying. Yeah. Renly's teething so he's crying. Dot's she's crying. Colby he's crying. And it can seem like it's so tiring and draining when you just think I'm just not making nobody happy. But again, I do think all of those feelings are normal. Yeah, totally normal. I would say I could give you some advice, but I don't think I have any advice.

It's a hard one, isn't it? I think just to know that it's not you and you're not failing. I'm sure you're a brilliant mum, but it's just, I think it's just one of those things. Just one of those things that, yeah, unfortunately unfortunately throw them a smile and just know that you're doing absolutely everything that you can. You're doing incredible. And I would say it's very normal for you to be going through these things. Yeah. It's kind of just one of those things you kind of have to get through. I don't know if that's really reassuring or good advice at all, but it's just learning. We're all doing this for the first time, aren't we? We're all doing this for the first time, aren't we?

We're all doing this for the first time. I obviously did it with, same as Ebony, boy first and then I had dogs. Yeah, same. And everyone says like, oh, second child and she's a girl, Sadie's gonna be like, she's gonna test you, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, okay, let's not manifest that. I think it's too early to say, she's only one.

But she for sure is like, I think second child, particularly not just the fact that she's a girl, but she has only one but she for sure is like I think second child particularly not just the fact that she's a girl but she has to make herself heard and she is wild which is so loud she does things Joseph never did because we're not watching her all the time she'll like she's so bold she'll do really like she's launch herself down the stairs off the sofa honestly I felt like I had to wrap her up in bubble wrap because she, Colby would just sit next to me and drink his bottle. Renly is taken after Dots. He is wild.

He is wild. Even Roxanne, me and Roxanne was sat last night in the conservatory and he was having his dinner and she was like, oh, how do you know then when he's done? He literally just picked up his handful of pasta and just launched it at my sister. And I said, that is- That means he's finished.

That's him finished. And she was like, oh, right. And then he takes food out of his mouth. So we then were doing his dessert and I gave him his dessert. And then he just literally pulled a handful of custard out of his mouth, just flat on his high chair. Just flat. And then I thought, I'll give him some of his little Easter egg

that he's got. Literally he's taken about three weeks to eat one little Easter egg. Gave him some of that. And then he literally just took the chocolate out throughout my system. She was like, oh, it's good indication to know when he's done.

But I feel like he's taken, he's got Colby's, when he wants to be patient, he is so patient and so calm, which is Colby. And then when he's on another level, he's dot, but leveled up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think Sadie's leveled up. She's Joseph leveled up.

He really went and go the pram. He's just like, ah! Yeah, the thrusting. Oh, I think Sadie's leveled up. She's Joseph leveled up. He really wouldn't go in the pram. He's just like, ah! Yeah, the thrusting. Oh yeah, if they're not happy. Neither of them done it. And I'm literally like, oh. If they're not happy, they'll let you know.

And people will pass, are you okay? Yeah, sorry. I don't know where his mom's gone. She was, she got to get us a coffee. Yeah. So maybe it's a second child thing. They got to make themselves heard. They have got to make themselves heard.

But I think you're doing fantastic. And I think the're doing fantastic. And I think the glimmer of hope that we can take from this is that you're doing the best job. We're all learning every day. And I think you just need to stick with it, throw a smile. And if you need to cry, cry.

I cry a lot. Yeah. I do cry. I don't. I cry when I don't put the washing machine on. I cry if I forget to do the dishwasher. Cry if no one's eating dinner. Cry if no one's eating dinner. Cry if the children are crying. You know, I'm a cry. I cry when I don't put the washing machine on. I cry if I forget to do the dishwasher. Cry if no one's eating dinner. Cry if no one's eating dinner. Cry if the children are crying. You know, I'm a cryer. It's all normal. It's all normal.

Well, if you're looking at it from my aspect, then it is normal. From Emma's, maybe not so much. Every once in a while, once in a blue moon. Once in a blue moon. But thank you, Ebony, and I hope things get easier for you soon. Yeah, I hope things get easier, but just know you're doing fantastic. Have you experienced parental burnout? Let us know. You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com

or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. We'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. We'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!