Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Free Willy!

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Soph and Emma are reminiscing about wholesome family holidays, and debating whether travelling with kids is actually worth the stress. Plus, Renley has entered his “free willy” era, a listener is torn over a huge house move, and another mum is battling imposter syndrome after returning to work.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is not for the week. This podcast is, in fact, for the strong. This podcast is a safe space. Yes. A safe space to share our secrets.

Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. All those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in there.

Secret Mum Club It's just that second fucking line Once we get past This is a podcast This is a podcast I feel like we're good Then we're on a roll after that Then we're on a roll

It just Oh careful of the flage Careful of my bush Shalaj How the fuck are you How are you? How was your birthday? Oh my birthday was lovely Really lovely

How was yours? Because yours happened first Okay let's do it chronologically Chronologically ordered Mine was quite nice But I did end it driving the kids to my mom and dad's house solo. So that was a bit of a shitter at the end of my bedday. I'm driving so low. And I could even get drunk because I knew I had to drive at the end of the

day. Oh, what a shitter. It was fine. It was like I was just, I always dread like anywhere that I go with the kids. I dread it. I dread hanging out of my children. No, I get like a stress headache if we're going like away because it's like the amount of stuff you have to remember and stuff that's like not necessarily replaceable. Like, you know, I can't just buy a new, like, monitor or like a white noise machine. But without those things, I'm like, they won't sleep. And they're like their comforts. Because if you try, I've tried many times to buy a new white noise system and it's not the same way or I'm used.

No. Doesn't make the same noise. And then like they're teddy. Yeah. They're like one of a kind. Yeah. But they both have like a feely to go to sleep. So if we forget like Teddy or rabbit.

You're fucked. Fucked. The whole week is ruined. Yeah. I can't, I'm quite excited to get to a phase with kids where like, you can just travel light. Yeah. And they don't really need any of those like AIDS anymore because they're so important.

We are, elders is 10. You still in it? Yeah. Oh. I would also say my 17 year old niece has comforts. Yeah. There's people, look at Molly Mae with flopsie, mopsie. What's her called?

Yeah, but I do think adults that have to carry around a teddy is a bit. You can't. You're going to offend people. I can't do that. That is a bit of an it. No, because there's things that I really enjoy from home. Like, I really like to take my head. Don't you what?

Your air fryer. I took my air friar to dorset. Because I really love my air friar. Okay, no, that's fair enough. I think that's fair enough. There's something about using another air friar or another oven. Yeah. It just freaks me out a little bit.

So I like to take my air friar. No, I think that's fair enough because that's actually got like a practical, like purpose. Yes. But like to be a grown up. I take my own pillows. I take with that. And I take my own pillow case. Yes.

Again, I agree with that. It can't be a clean pillowcase, has to be a dirty pillowcase. Because you like the smell of it. Smells of home. Again, I think that's kind of fair enough. I do take my own pillowcase to, if I don't know where I'm staying, I take my own pillowcase for hygiene reasons. No, I just really like the smell of my filthy home.

So I like to take it with me. It's got to get a bit of dirty. Yeah, that is a bit weird. That is a bit weird. But no, I would say no. And both of my, I think because we're all, I'm a massive home bod. Like, I really love things from home. And I struggle when I go somewhere when things aren't like,

at home, like if I can't go somewhere and cook the same as being at home. Yeah. I get really stressed. Is that why would you say, because you don't go away that much? Is that why? Because you just prefer to be at your own house. Yeah. And I think because the babies also love to be at home, again, another reason why we maybe don't. I know, it's not even so much traveling in the UK, traveling abroad. Like that whole process really stresses me out. Because if I was to drive four hours away and I forgot something, you best believe I'm that mad fucker that's going four hours back. Yes, I will. And I will do the eight hour round trip to go back and get it. Because I just, I don't know, it just makes my brain feel right. So it's almost like going away is not worth

the like potential hassle of, it's just easier to stay. I do kind of get that now that I've got kids. Like me and Stefan would have just like up and left and gone on like a spontaneous holiday like pre-kids. And now I'm like, is it actually worth all the hassle? Like we're not going on a foreign holiday this year, which is like, you know, the first, I'm lucky enough to say it's the first year in like, as long as I can remember, that we haven't been abroad. And at first I was a bit like, oh my God, I'm not going on holiday. Is that that you're not going away at all or just that you don't have anywhere booked yet? No, we're not going away at all because the house move. Like, we can't afford a foreign holiday this year. And obviously it's like very privileged

and spoiled me to be like, oh my God, we're not going away. But now that we've had such a good summer in this country, I'm like not missing it so much. It's really filled the cup. And also I'm thinking like actually with small children, is it more hassle than it's worth? Like packing up all their stuff, they're probably going to sleep worse in like a different bed. What's the light situation? Is the light peeking through the curtains? I can't obviously talk on behalf of the going abroad abroad. Yeah.

And like fly in with them. Yeah, I can imagine that's a hassle. Yeah, I can imagine that's stressful. But in the like UK breaks, we've never, never struggled. Like even if we go to a hotel, they're all sleep great. but they have to have a form of comfort from home. But then you can take all the stuff you want, right? In the UK.

I'm like, I don't know if I can pack like a blackout blind and like all that shit that I need. You can pack some dirty pillowcases though. You can always fit in your dirty pillowcases. I don't know. I just feel like, yeah, sometimes it's more hassle than it's worth. But we've come down, this is our like holiday kind of. So we've come down to my mum and dad's house in six for like a week.

And the weather's so large. Weather's unreal. We're in the middle of another bloody heat wave. It's like 35 degrees today. So yeah, so that's been really nice And I think they can't wait for us to go home So you're basically having like a blated birthday now, aren't you? I'm having a belated birthday

Yeah, so the day of my birthday was fine Like we went swimming and went out for lunch And then I drove them back which was actually fine Like I do the drive at night It was like three and a half hours It was like not, you know It was no trouble at all Yeah, not a drama

The kids transferred into their beds It was grand But then yeah I kind of was like Okay from now on I'm pretending is my birthday. So I'm basically just like using a week as an excuse to kind of celebrate. Yeah, they're just waiting on me hand and foot. Love that. I'm like, someone bring me another apparel.

Oh no. I've run out. I'm very dry. Every day when I'm done having to go to the supermarket. They're like, we keep running out of food and we're spending loads of money. And I'm like, yeah, it's because you've got like six people living. Oh, bless them. And Stefan's down too.

No, Stefan's working. But my sister lives there at the moment. So there's, yeah, there's six of us. Oh, she's back. In the house, yeah. Oh! She's back from Australia. She's going away against it.

Of course, yes. She's never there for long. But yeah, she's there. The dog's there. So my mom and dad are like, their nice, quiet little life has just been shattered. Taken over. Yeah.

Why are you all eating so much food? Joseph's like a bottomless pit. He's always like, I'm still hungry. I'm still hungry. Honestly, I think he's eating about 20 pundits of strawberries. Maybe he's got worms. Maybe. There's always that.

Or maybe he's just growing. There's always that to consider. I think the likelihood is he's just. growing. Yeah, I think he's just a growing boy. But it's lovely because their cousins live down the road as well. So they've been seeing loads of each other. So that's been really nice.

Sadie's been going up to do the youngest nephews pick up from nursery, which is really cute. So we did it the one day. It was like the first time they'd seen each other in three months. Oh, don't. Did you film it? No. I didn't actually. I would have cried my eyes out.

I don't even have to film outside of nursery. But anyway, they were like. Not to put on social media just for your own memories. But they were just like gabbing away to each other, sitting in their buggies. They're like a little old couple. They're both like the exact same age and they're like just chatting away in the front of the buggy. And then the next day we didn't go and he came out and he was like, where's Sadie? Oh.

So I think he thinks it's going to be every day now. So when we go, it's going to be, so then we've had to start going again. But when we go, it's going to be like Sadie's not here. But it's so funny how they just remembered each other. Yeah. And I'm like, I think it's like, they're not just like, oh, there's another two year old. She's like, oh, yeah, it's my cousin. Like I think they know.

They just know. Yeah. They know each other, which is really cute. Which is like what I always say when it comes to Renley, he's like, I don't have to do anything because these fuckers will do everything. They are at my beck and cold. Eden just follows him around. She's 17 years old and I shit you not.

He doesn't even have to like lift his fingers. She'll feed him his crisps and he'll just sit there. If he wants to sit down, he'll just put his hand, his bum in her hand and she'll just lower him down to the ground. Like a little prince. He's like a little prince, honestly. And he just knows, he's just like this, these are my people. And it's such a treat having the youngest cousins because everyone else, like, is obsessed with them and just, yeah, spoils them. Yeah.

Which is great for me. I'm like, I can take them. I'm going to sit back and drink my album. Yeah. So the first week of summer holidays for me is going great. So I'm not having to do anything. It's wonderful. No food shopping, no cooking.

Just the weather. Yeah. It makes such a difference, doesn't it? It just, there's just no better feeling. Like, even in the morning, so just get an up in the morning and opening the, and opening the doors of the garden and just being able to just sit out in the garden, drink a cup of tea. That for me is absolute bliss. It makes parenting like a million times easier, I think, when the weather's nice.

And someone put actually this on social media and funny, it came on my, like came on my, you know, when it's all the algorithm is specifically for you. It came on my algorithm and was like parenting is so much easier out of your house. Yeah. And that is not a lie. Yeah. Parenting, your children is so much easier. Like I love being at home, massive home bod. Even just to be in the garden, parenting my children is easier.

Yeah. Than being sat indoors. 100%. So, hard. Yeah, it's actually making me really scared for autumn, winter. Yeah. I'm like, what? I'm frightened.

What are we going to do when you can't just run around the garden and be feral? Naked. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, it's been lovely how the bloody hell was Dorset. That looked.

Oh. Fantastic. So it was, and a bit like you, really, because our last day of the holiday was my birthday. So we came home on the Sunday and that was obviously we were driving home on my actual birthday but because the weekend had been so lovely and so full it kind of felt like I didn't

like I'd already had my birthday if that made to. Yeah, yes. But no, it was really lovely. We did lots of sight seeing. We walked around like this massive lighthouse. Went to a lighthouse, a fully working lighthouse. And it was really lovely because I was trying to share as much

on my social media as possible while also taking it all in. And everyone was like, this is really educational for the children. But we love all of that. Yes. We went to Monkey World. We went to Sand World.

I keep calling it, Sandland. But it's Scolbishop. What's the same? Oh, wow. Fucking, what's her name? Winkerman. Who? Claudia Wincommon?

Claudia was there. No. They had a traitors made out of sand. Claudia Winkerman. A whole sculpture of her in sand. Wow. It was phenomenal. Honestly, the sea long.

Life Centre. This isn't even an ad. If you want to go to the Sea Life Centre, I highly recommend the Waymouth one. There's one in South End as well. Is there? How's that one? I haven't been for like 30 years.

The one in Waymouth was out of this world. They even had a splash park and a, like a, what is a Lido? Oh, nice. You could spend the whole day there. And it's right on the fucking beach. Amazing. Oh, it was just tremendous. No, I filled my cup up and more.

I was overflowing. It looked very wholesome. Oh, it was just really lovely. It was just so nice, just so peaceful and calm. And everything that we went to, because I was getting really stressed. I said to Chris, God, we've done this the first week of the school holidays, everything is going to be ram-oed. Everything was dead. No cues for nothing.

No cue for the Sea Life Centre, nothing for Sandworld. I mean, why isn't there a cue for Sandworld? There should be a cue for Sandworld. Because it was honestly brilliant. And do you remember when we was younger? I don't know if you ever went to Poulton's Park when you were little. No, I've never been. At Poulton's Park, which was a hoot at Poulton's Park.

It was called Poulton's. It wasn't Pepper Pigwild. They used to have a bit there where you could make them sand bottles. Do you remember me? Yes, I do remember. I made one somewhere. Somewhere. Your mum binned it.

Did Stephen Nick? They fucked that shit right off. She's like me. Yeah. Check it, chuck it. When they moved to house when I was an adult, they literally cleared out. But everything. Choose from that box what you want to keep.

Everything else. Fuck it out. memory of our life. But we made a sand, the sand bottles. Yes, I used to love them. Yeah, the babies did that. And also at Poulton's Park, they did like, you could treasure, like a hunt for treasure. Sorry, I can't even get my words out. I'm that excited. It's too much. It's too much. But you used to be able to like... What do they call that? Archaeology. And you used to be able to go, like, pick a tray in the mud, shimmy it out, and it would have all the gold bits. And then however much you found, you were able to fill a little

bag and take... Gold digging. Yeah, take home. But there was just, it was just really lovely. It was really lovely, really wholesome. And I can't. like obviously we're really lucky like you say that we're really lucky to just being that both of us are home drop everything at the you know the drop of a hat and go to London for a couple of days or go and stay in a hotel here or do this that and everything but I don't remember the last time we actually like proper just chilled out yeah you know yeah yeah like what with what we've like moving into the house and stuff like that it's all been so full on and so go go go so go so it's a whole lot of everything it was a whole lot of we celebrated the first year like being in the

house, although the irony was that we were celebrating a year being in the new house, not in the new house. Oh yeah. So we brought like a cake for the babies and was like, happy one year anniversary. Here's to the new house where we are not right now. Yeah. Is it been a year since you moved in? Colby's birthday.

Oh yes, because you did the treasure hunt for his birthday. Yeah. Yeah. And we got the keys on his birthday, but obviously moved in a couple of days after, but we picked up the keys on his, on his birthday. Oh my God. It's mental. I was saying to my parents yesterday, I, my birthday, I think we'd sold our house by my birthday,

last year. Yeah. So by this point, we'd already sold the house. And like, I remember getting it ready for all the viewings and all the cleaning

and tidying and like getting it on the market and all of that. That was all over a year ago. Oh, I know. It's mad, isn't it? And by the time you hear this episode, it will be,

we would have done Colby's birthday. Yeah. So yeah, it's been one whole. That's actually scary how quickly that's got. One whole year. Shit,

which is so wild. So, no, it's just, it's been so lovely. Yeah. So lovely. And now I'm ready to go again. I just want to go again.

What, next birthday party? No, no, just next trip. Oh, next trip. I'm looking like Friday. Jumping at the bit. Yeah, just get me there. Get me out. Get me just enjoying the world.

Yeah. I want to get out. Love that for you. Thanks, honey. Yeah. I feel really great. Yeah, me too. 38, feeling great.

38 and feeling great. This might actually be my favourite age. Do you think? I mean, I'm only a week in, so I should give it a bit more time. But it started off with the bang, if I want to say. Sadie's only just started learning numbers, but she's got no concept of like, order or anything. And she keeps going,

Pembroth-Happas is happy birthday in Welsh. She keeps going, Pembroith Happis to Mommy. She literally sings it to me every day and I'm like, thank you. It's not my birthday anymore. And I go, how old is mommy? And she goes, 36. Oh, yes. Really proudly. And I go, yes, I am.

Renly only knows two. So he goes, too. Yeah, normally she says everyone's two, but I don't know where she's heard 36. No. She keeps saying, Mama, too. She's two. I'll take two. I'll take two.

She always just goes, I'm two. Oh, that's what Reni does. And then we now say, what are you going to be on your next birthday? And he goes, free. Fee. And I don't know whether he's meaning like, I'm going to be free. I'm fucking off out of his job. Free of this shit.

Free at last. Free at last. But no, it's been lovely. And then we've started with the bug of being out of the house. I've randomly gone on a shopping spree of wanting to buy a caravan and a motorhome. Yeah, what the hell? So it's been a while week. I basically went away, had the best time in my life, loved it so much coming home.

You like this is the life for me. and plummeted into shopping for caravans and motorhomes. I love how you just do everything like 110%. 1,000%? 1,000%. Foot on that gas pedal. Who needs fucking brakes, ball's deep, headfirst, just jump in.

Bear back, ride it. We couldn't be more different. Jump on it! I'm going home to paint me loft in a minute. She'll go out and paint a loft and buy a camper van. Yeah. You'll be a new person, a different person in two weeks when I see you next. Fucking hell.

I just, I'm ready to travel the world. honestly. I'm so excited. We were looking at all the destinations that you could go in a motorhome. Without flying. Emma Jones. Netherlands. Lake Como. France.

South of France. Spain. Yeah. Portugal. Scotland. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, can you go to Ireland?

Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's a ferry. It's a ferry. Yeah. It's the wrong end of the world for you. I think it goes from Liverpool.

But still. Still. Drive up there in a camper van. I feel like Max and Paddy on the road to nowhere. That's going to be me and Chris. Max and Paddy on the road to nowhere. Dumber and dumber. Yes.

Duna is my car. No, but it's been a whole week. Yeah. There's been a lot on my socials. But it's been wonderful. Yeah. And 38 is feeling fucking great. Good.

I'm glad. Thank you. Here's to us. Here's to us. Do you want to ching ching? Last time we chinged, it was Prosecco. This is water in a mug. Now we're back on water and a mug.

Back down to reality. Until next year. Until we're next year. Until we're 39. Hopefully we'll be celebrating together next year. What do you mean? You plan on breaking up with me? We might do.

Before next to I. Things happen, don't they? No. I'm going to be here until I'm at least 40. Old and grey. Well, that's now, honey. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the secret mum club.

You're all welcome. I just feel water on my boobs. I was very wet. I was also good at sharing. It's the wrong line. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram.

Just search for SecretMummpod or you can email us hello at secret mumpod.com. Right. Are you ready for my secret of the week? I can't wait. So we have been away, haven't we? Yeah. Do you know what? Something I find really funny when you go on holiday or go away.

I always think. So I went to the shop to get some food. But I left Chris and the babies at home because there was a jacuzzi. So they were in the jacuzzi having the time of their lives. So I was like, you all stay here. I'm going to pop to the shop. and get food because I didn't have a swimsuit. So I thought, oh, there's a Tesco's. I'll see if they've got a swimsuit. Didn't even think to get myself a swimsuit. And so I thought,

I'll pick up a seat pot there because they got a clothing bit. So I'll see if I can get a swim suit. Why is it that my intrusive brain when I'm in the car makes me think that I've got a neon sign over my car that says, I don't live here. I feel like everyone knows I'm not from around here. I feel like everyone knows I'm not from around here. And it's so stressful. I said to Chris, what if I get fucking lost? He goes, well, at least if you make a lot, at least if you make it to Tesco she's got some snacks in the car. But basically, where I'm going with that is when you're going around places and visiting sites and seeing things, I feel like everybody knows you're not from there.

So I'm at a park and I'll be playing and I feel like people are like, oh, they're not from around here, you know? Yeah, they're not local. Yeah, they're not locals. But you've always got maps these days. So like, but I just, I think it's just a personal, like, if I go to a park, you can, you can tell. Do you mind if people know that you're not from around there?

Do you like to feel like a local? Yeah, I'd maybe like to feel like I'm a local. I would like people to not be like, oh, I don't think she's from around her. People to be like, oh, she knows her biz. She's from around here. Basically, it was so fucking hot at a park that we went to just off of the beach of Weymouth that I just left Renly in his nappy. Obviously, we're trying very hard to potty train him.

But because we were out and the day was busy, we'd done a lot of sight seeing. He's been back in his nappy. And to be fair to you, he's actually been the same. so wonderful because he's not weeing in the nappy. But it's more for like a privacy thing because I don't want him running around in his pants. I don't know why something seems a little bit different to when he's running around in a napi than when he is running around in a pair of does that sound odd? I don't know if anybody will understand what I mean by that. But he'll say to me, mummy need potty. So he'll take his nappy down and we're in the potty. So he's still doing

great. So it's just more of I don't know how I feel about him running around in his little pants. I've just rather run around in a nappy. And it was so hot and they'd like been in the water and he'd got his little shorts a little bit wet and he was really hot and sticky on his back so i thought i'll just let him run around cobbie just had his swimming trunks on and dotty just had our swimming suit so i thought oh we just popped to this little park there was very very very minimal people in there um and we'll just have a little plate and then we'll get back in the car burn some more energy before we go back to the house well i there was a couple of mums in the park I really hope no one noticed.

I still even now can't even fathom in my head if they did notice. But where Renly is taking his nappy down to go on the potty, he likes to pull his own nappy up. But also, he has learned to do a stand-up wee. So if he's out and we're somewhere and we've got the potty in the car, he's doing great at just standing in a bush and having a wee. So he just tucks the nappy under his balls, wheeze and then pulls it back over. And away we go. We carry on with what we're doing, you know?

What you do for the boys. Yes. But what Renly had done is just got his Willie out in the middle of the park. I didn't notice. We're going on the swings. We're going down the slides. We're running up and down. We're going crazy.

It wasn't until it was like slow motion. He came down this slide. And it wasn't until I saw his Willie flick up in the air. And it was like, tossing around. And he was like, well, free Willie. And I didn't understand what he was saying either. Because Colby, when he gets his willy out, Colby's like, free the way.

Get that Willie out. Like it's just like a running joke with the house. And he kept going down the slide going, free Willie! And I was like, yay! Free Willie! Yay! Like, can I just go along with it? It wasn't until we'd noticed.

I don't know how long it. Not until you came eye to eye with his penis. Willie. You realised. What are we calling out? I don't know. Coming at me down the slide. And I said to Chris, get in the car immediately.

I don't know how long he's had his Willie out. We need to get in. Like balls and all. Like the whole ball back. Out of the side of the nappy. Not the side, the top. No. He pulls the top because he's in a pull-up.

So it just pulls the pull-up over his, under his ball bag, like when he's having a wee and just leaves it there and he just rock a hand. He'll walk around in the house and he goes, look at me. Looks in the mirror at himself and he's like, look at me with his whole Willie out, his whole Willie and Bull-bags. And I say to him, wherever you learnt this from, he goes, Dad. Dad. And I'm like, are you doing this in the mirror?

I say to Colby, are you doing this in the mirror? Where is he learned this from? He puts one hand behind his head and his hand on the table. How does he know to do that? Look at me. Look at me. And he doesn't have a really weird accent and look at me. Very creepy.

And his eyes, look at me. Yeah. But yeah. So there we go. And he come off of the slide and did his look at me. Free Willie. Right. Okay.

Let's not in public. Get the fuck back in the car. And I just felt like in that moment everybody's gone there. She told you she's not a fucking local. Because if that was someone else's child, would you go, excuse me. And this is my thing. Your child's got their Willie hanging out over the top of their nappy. Can you, I don't know if you can say that.

I don't know if you can. I think I just ignore. Ignore, ignore, ignore. I don't, would I have bought a mum, would I have bought anyone's attention to it? Yes, I think I would have. Then they'd be like, you're looking at my son's with me. Will it? Yeah, and then would they think I'm weird that I've got?

Oh, it's such a, it's such a hard, like. It's a real tough one. It's a tough one with babies and nudity. Like, we had Sadie running around naked on the beach the other day. And my mum and dad were like, I don't think anyone, she was the only one. And they were like, I don't think anyone has their babies naked on the beach anymore. And it's such a shame because, I think because of camera phones, you don't know what, someone could just snap a, like,

like surreptitious image and then what are they going to do with that? I only ever wore swimming bottoms. I had no boots. No top. No top. And that's easily up until I was like 14. Yeah. 15 had no,

because I had no chest. Yeah. And I just always remember wearing bikini bottoms. Yeah. That's all I wore. That's what we did. Hated swimsuits, but you just had. It's so much more comfortable to just be like out in the air.

And obviously she's potty training. So I was like this is just so much easier. But no, you've got to like put that. And I feel the same about like pants and knickers as well. Like we were in a park the other day and she was wearing a dress, which is a stupid choice for a park. but we didn't know who were going there. But anyway, so I was like throwing her up onto things

and kind of like helping her climb and she was scrambling around and obviously a lot of the time her dress was riding up and you could see her knickers underneath and I was like, I feel weird about her having her knickers out more so than if it was a nappy

at the park. That's what I'm saying to you. There's something so different about a baby being in a nappy than in their knickers. Like knickers are so private and personal to them. And Nappy's just like a generic thing

and I think it offers a bit more coverage as well. But having like, Like her little pants out. I just was like, I feel weird about that. Because we wouldn't show our pants. No. You know, you might see the top of a pant, but we wouldn't just walk around with our whole pants out.

No. I don't know why I feel weird about it or whether it's just like society making me feel weird. But I was like, yeah, I don't know. Definitely made me insanely paranoid. Because at one point I was like, do I put pants over the top of his nappy? And I was like, no, that again is weird. Yeah.

Like the nappy's fine. Yeah. And there was no one really around. there was just another couple of mums and they were, a couple of mums were talking to each other where their children were playing

and Dottie was playing with them in the park and then there was another lady on her own so it was like three mums but there was only one mum in the park with us did she see as Willie I don't know I'd say she probably did it and was like

I said to Chris just make it a level playing field get yours out make it seem like this is a family thing Colby Chris I'm joking we didn't nor did I say that solidarity getting Willie's out

fucking everything But it was a wild wild. And you know what as well? On the back of that, there was, I felt so sorry, there was this mum. And I really didn't know what to do in the scenario because there was a mum at Monkey World. And her little boy had like ran up to the glass to look at the monkeys. But there was another little boy on the step. And he said something. What I, what I heard him say was, oh, look at it all the way up there. Because it's all the way away up there. and this mum, bless her heart, I'd like said to him, did you just tell that little boy to get out of the way? And I felt in that moment, like, I didn't know what to say.

Like with the whole Willie situation, I didn't know what to say. So I kind of was like stood next to her and she would, she'd asked, and what I think was her friends is what did he say? And she'd asked him, look me in the eyes and, you know, tell me what did you say? And he kept saying, I just said, look, look all the way, a way up there. And because I didn't want to interrupt her while she was. she was parenting him and finding it out. I kind of was like, him and an R and I'm in and I'm,

him and I'm in an hour. And Chris was like, why didn't you just stop when the little boys look in the glass, just say to her. And I did just say just before we walked away. I was like, I didn't want to intrude while you were parenting. But he didn't tell the little boy to go away. He just said it's all the way or way up there. And Dotty was like, oh yeah, because I was trying to look for where the monkey was.

And I was like, I didn't want to intrude or step on your toes. Was she grateful that you told her? She did say, oh, thank you so much. She's like, it really is, would be out of character for him. to say that but I felt bad because equally I didn't want, not that I didn't want her to not discipline her child the best way that she thought, but equally wanted to give her a reassurance that she hadn't, he hadn't been unkind to another, to another child. So in that scenario, I was so toyed with myself as to do I say something? It's awkward, isn't it? Because you

don't want to like pry and intervene, but also like, I shouldn't have to be. Yeah, I didn't want to think we were all stood listening to her because I didn't. But equally didn't want her to go home and then be really sad that she in her head thought, her child had done something mean, had told another little child to go away, but I did in the end. So if anybody saw my son's willy, I do apologise.

Probably don't know us from Adam, which is normal. But yeah. At least you are anonymous round there. I think if it was me, and I said to Chris, I think if I had noticed, I would have just said,

oh, just so you'll know, it's private surround. Yeah, I think I would have said something, only because, I don't know, really. I'm kind of still trauma. from the whole scenario. I just decide getting the car.

Everyone get in the car. Copy's like, what's happening? I don't, it's got to go in the car. So that's my secret. And we'll get into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away.

Wow. Wow, that was great. We got three secrets from you this week that we're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away with number one, her name. Hello, ladies. Hello. I'm in a bit of a pickle. Ooh.

My husband and I live in a one bedroom, top floor flat in Nottingham with our three year old and one year old. There's no lift, no garden and as you can imagine, we're all on top of each other. We've been offered a beautiful three-bedroom new build house, but it's in Lincolnshire. The only problem is we don't drive, so we'd be relying on trains to visit family and friends, which would take around an hour and 40 minutes each way. We're so torn. The house would completely change our lives, but we'd be moving away from everyone we know. Have either of you got any advice? Love you both, Laura, from Nottingham. Make them move. Do you think? Yeah. I just think that public transport for children is so fun

like I can categorically sit in now and say I can go to London on a train we've come up to London today they've done two hours and they've gone back on the train I was like do you want to come to the recording studio they're like no we want to get back on the train right okay because they just love public transport and I think it is only an hour

it's not do sorry what did she say well it's an hour and 40 hour and 40 so it's two hours so it's quite far I don't know I personally think it would be quite fun And I think is another opportunity going to arise? Also, Lincolnshire is absolutely beautiful. Yeah, there's lovely parts of Lincolnshire. And as well, it's the first time that you're going to have a house, which is so exciting, that people, you'll have the space to host people around. Yeah, people can come and visit you.

Yeah. Which I think is the most important thing to remember is also that people can travel to you. And I think as well, having the distance sometimes makes the heart grow fonder and makes people want to see you more. Listen, I always say like now there's things that in my life we're having to change and, you know, I want to buy a motorhome and a caravan, which means it's going to take me away from my family and take me away from my sister and her children and limit our time with them. But I also have to, you do have to be selfish and you do have to think for yourself. And think about your little family. Yeah. And I've even said to Roxanne, there's occasions where they can come along with us and they can stay. But I also have to build the memories and the lifestyle for our children, you know. So some of my little. Sometimes in life you do have to make, would you say it's a selfish decision? Well, I don't even know that it's, I don't even think it's selfish. I think that moving to a much bigger house would be like transformative for your family. At the moment, they're in a one bedroom, top floor flat.

And there's four of them. They must all be sleeping in the same bedroom. With no lifts. So she's got to carry all the prams and everything up. There's no garden. So when the weather's nice, you've got now outdoor space. Nope. And also being that you don't drive now, you're obviously using public transport.

Yeah, but if they live in Nottingham, it might be like if it's stuck in a city centre, they could walk everywhere and all their friends and families and nearby. Yeah, like short journeys. But that's what I mean. It's not going to be that it's that they can't, they're not going to be, sorry, I don't know what I'm trying to say. Like they're so aware of using public transport. Yeah. So now even if it is a longer commute, the public transport is not, it's not going to be brand new to them. No. I wonder about like getting around in Lincolnshire itself as well.

Like are you near enough in Lincolnshire to like walk to the shops or bus to the shops? Yes. Or like I don't know if it's like much more rural than you're used to. Obviously that's going to completely change your way of life. It's also really hard to know when you're going to get that next offer. So I've obviously been offered the house. How long have you one waited for that house? If you've been waiting since you fell pregnant with your first son in a one bedroom flat,

if you were waiting from there and he is now three, that's a minimum of three years. she's waited to get held. When's that going to happen again? When is it going to happen again? When's that going to come up? Yeah. You know? I just think it'd be so life-changing in an amazing way. I think so. I think you'd have to, I'd go personally, I would go for the house. Personally, that's only me anyway. If there's a lot obviously in your, you know, in your situation, but we, yeah, yeah. That's what we would do. But obviously only you know how you feel about like being further away from everyone and all the lifestyle changes that will come with it. But from what, from the, from the, The small bit of information you've given us, I think that sounds like it would be amazing

for the family. I think it would be amazing. For the core family unit, the four of them. And an hour and 40, so hour and a half if you were to travel in maybe quieter times of less traffic and less busyness and stuff, if you could get like an hour and a half. But obviously the only other thing that comes with that is that your time out, like date nights or time just with you and your partner, you'd obviously have to arrange child care. Yeah.

But also do you have friends in Lincolnshire? Like have you got friends around there still as well? Or is it completely fresh down? Yeah, I don't know if they know anyone there. So it could be like you have to make new friends and I don't know. Personally, it's a big life decision. Yes, it's a big life decision and there's a lot to weigh up. But based on what you've told us and also we're only assuming as to how long you've waited to be offered a property that it seems like a no brain.

Sounds too good to give up, doesn't it? Yeah, sounds too good to pass up. And what's the worst case scenario? If it doesn't work out. Or could you, is there a possibility of, I don't know how it all works, if there's a possibility of taking the house but having still stay on a waiting list to be closer to home? I don't know. Again, I don't know how it would have to get back on a waiting list.

Yes. Do you know this is the kind of thing in life where you finally go, oh, okay, yeah, we'll do it. We'll go for the move and then it'll be like a house will come up in Nottingham. And you'll be like, yeah, I know that's going to happen. Yeah. But yeah, I think, I think it sounds like you've got to go for it. But do keep us updated, Laura. Be great for the family.

Yes. They could all have their own bedrooms. They could have outside space. Yes. I think it sounds great. Yes. But keep us posted. We'd love to know more, Laura.

And if anybody has had this, has anybody been in this situation that Laura's in that could also share some advice. Yeah. Would be insanely helpful. And I have no doubt that she would absolutely love to hear from you. So please do let us know. Right. Let's move on to secret number two.

Okay. It says, hey Emma and Safina. Hello. Firstly, thank you for keeping me sane over the last two years. Your podcast has honestly helped me through motherhood. Yeah. I'm a mum of two. I had my son in 2024 and then found out I was pregnant again when he was just six months old.

So I've basically been on maternity leave for two years straight. Now, both children are in nursery three days a week and it's time for me to go back to work. I've decided to leave my old job because it wasn't the right fit for our family. But now I'm applying for new roles and I'm struggling with huge imposter syndrome. I can manage two toddlers, the housework, the washing and all the care. of family life, but sitting down to write a CV or cover letter completely fills me with anxiety. I know I'm ready to go back to work, but I just can't seem to believe in myself. Did either of you feel like this when returning to work? I'd love to hear any advice from you or the other mums,

sending love always, Sean. Every day, Sean. Yeah, every day I've got imposter syndrome. Yeah. There's so many things and it's not even like down to applying for jobs. Like there's like silly things even like going away where we went to Dorset, like even just getting in the car and drive into Tesco's, I've really had to like work myself up to be like, you can do this. You're a strong woman. You're a mother. You got this shit. But the whole time I was like, terrified.

Terrified. Shit in my pants. Like it was just, it's like you have to really work yourself up to be like, I can do this. Yeah. I can achieve great things, you know? And it's really hard. And I think when you fall pregnant and become a mum, you know, I can't speak for everybody, but I could only speak for the friends I have and my sister and stuff.

in my own personal experience. But when you become a mum, there is that case of losing yourself. You do lose yourself. You lose your identity. You're wearing leggings that are 10 years old with a hole in the crutch. And you don't know the last time

you bought yourself a new pair of pants from Primark. They cost two quid, but that two quid, you'd rather spend on something for the children. Or you just don't get around to doing it. So you lose yourself. And you can spiral quite badly, can't you, in getting lost in it?

So I can't imagine, you know, having a six-month-old and falling pregnant and being in that's a that's a long time to be pregnant or in the newborn life yeah and out of the work game yeah she basically went straight from one yeah she didn't even have that like you know going back after like nine months or a year or however long you choose to have off is intimidating yeah but doing basically two back to back and then having to go back into it is like even to come out of it after you know a year after having one baby or your first baby like now I'm only really finding myself now.

And Renly's what, two? Yeah, two and a half. Two and a half? Yeah. And it's a real struggle. It's a real struggle to know what interests you anymore. There's friends I don't talk to you now because they were great when I was, when Colby was really young, but we drifted apart when the children get older.

And it's things in your life that serve a purpose, people that serve you a purpose. And you just change so much. And there's never enough talk about you have to reinvent yourself after you have a baby. And that's not just after having one baby. Every single time I've had a baby. So after every child, I've reinvented myself. I'm like a new version of myself. I'm not the same person I was after I had Dottie.

And I'm certainly not the same person I am after I had Colby. And every single step of life, even like when they start school, you then change as a person when they go to school. And you're like, the school mom. The school, yeah. You basically have to keep reinventing yourself to fit a mold. Like I'm now the school mum. also is going to a preschool and now I'm going back into preschool life and I'm also doing

school life so I have to now manage myself this way. So I think it's definitely something that isn't it is not unheard of. It is a real thing. Yeah. But you do have to believe in yourself and definitely surround yourself with great people who fully believe in you. But the biggest believer is yourself. Yeah. You have to back yourself and believe in yourself and that bit is really hard. I think that's a really hard one to teach yourself and that's taken me years to get, I would say now what, we're 38 now and probably from, I wouldn't even say it was after Dotty, maybe from Dotty being maybe four, five that I just thought, do you know what? Fuck everyone, fuck what everyone thinks of me. I'm just going to be the best

version of myself. And do you know what gave me, I think, the courage to do it is the children. because children don't know to love you any other way than the way you are. Your personality, the way you look, the clothes you wear. They have no reason to judge you if you've got holy leggings or shitpants or if you haven't brushed your hair today. Their love for you is endless regardless of what you look like, what you do, what you weigh, what you eat. They generally don't give a fuck. And if you can center your whole life around that little person and see yourself through their eyes, the world your oyster.

Yeah. Because they don't give a fuck. And they're the most important people. They're the ones you want to hold the best image of yourself. I want them to be proud of me. I want them to go, do you know what? My mom was fucking strong. My mom did not give a shit.

My mom danced when she wanted to. She laughed as hard as she possibly could. And as long as they get to see the best version of me, they're the only ones I give a shit about. Yeah. And everything else should fall in line. That was beautiful. Thanks.

Also, As well, when applying for jobs, you have to remember, not only do you want to apply for that job, but they need you as much as you need that job. So you are also in the driving seat is to controlling the narrative. Yeah. Because what you might feel like you're a perfect fit for their job, they have to be a perfect fit for you. Yeah. So that's always a good one to remember.

Yeah, it is really hard to believe in yourself. And I think when you've been out of the game with like all the CVs and cover letters and all of that stuff. Just ask chat GPT. I was going to say ask chat GBT or ask a lot. I always get my brother-in-law to write stuff. Yeah. Or ask someone that can help you in your family. A loved one to write it based on what they see in you.

Yeah. Because I think you can then tweak it because that's a really nice way of having a perspective on yourself. That is that you wouldn't necessarily have. That you wouldn't necessarily have. And also what I always tell myself is when I have imposter syndrome is fake it till you make it. Fake it to you make it. We all are. You best believe.

That's what everyone else is doing. Yeah. So if you don't believe in yourself, then. Just tell yourself that. Fake it to you make it. No one knows what the fuck they're doing. No one's got their shit together. No one's doing it right. We are all faking it until we fucking make it.

And if someone else can do it, then you can. Yes, 100% you got this. You've 100% got this. We believe in you. Yeah. And that in itself is enough really. That's enough. That's enough. So go out the keep us poster charm. Go get them, Tiger. Go get them, Tiger. Right. Let's have our last secret. All right, this says, hello gorgeous gals. I know you'll have a swearing

child to this one's for you. Yes. Our three-year-old has recently started repeating some of the things we say. The other morning, she dropped one of her toys, looked at it and shouted, Fuck me off. Fuck me off. Then she calmly picked it up and carried on with her day. Fuck me off.

Fuck me off. Fuck me off. Then she calmly picked it up and carried on with her day. I nearly spat my coffee across the room. My go-to curse words are fuck off and fuck me. So I think she combined the two. Right. Now it's my favourite.

Lots of luck. Brooke from Ontario, Canada. Brooke, I'm going to use that one. Fuck me off. Fuck me off. Although I don't know if I want to use that one in public. Fuck me off, guys. All right.

Fuck me off. That is phenomenal. Fuck off and fuck me. My favourite one at the moment is Renley is Jesus Christ. He'll drop something and go, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Oh, God. And he goes, oh, God.

And he like shakes. The perfect, the perfect intonation. Yeah. Because I do it, don't it? And they pick up. And I go, oh, God. Oh, God. Not again.

Oh, God. I always remind me of Olivia Atwood. Oh, God. What now? What now? I always go to say Jesus. But then I, oh, like Jesus Christ. But then I'm like, oh, I shouldn't do.

I know. I shouldn't. So I say, I change it to, oh, geez. And now Joseph started going, oh, geez. We do cheese. Jesus Christ. Sugar. Jesus.

And now, them to go, choose. And really, he's like, cheese! Oh, Christ! Right, okay, that's. But that's brilliant. Never not funny. It's never not funny. It will never, ever get old.

Again, the same as the sound of a fart, will never get old. A swearing child will never get old. To be quite honest with you, Colby does drop some swear words, only ever in the house, never out of the house. But it really tickles me. It is funny. Like, it would make me laugh when he go, oh, crap. I'm like, shouldn't laugh. It'll be playing his.

game. He's like, come on now, crap bag. And I'm like, oh, God. And I've got to go in and go, right, did you just say crap bag? You should be relieved, it's only crap. My eight-year-old nephew goes to me the other day. Someone at school said a swear word the other day. I said, which one was it? He goes, it begins with C.

I said, is it four letters? He said, yeah, I went, that's a really bad one. I said, even some grown-ups don't like that one. And I was telling him to Stefan's sister. she was like I think he means crap I was like oh I was like yeah that's not bad she was like did you immediately go to for an eight year old I was like yeah

I thought it was a bit strong bless him he's never heard that word in his life he was like yeah no it's crap I was like oh crap away crap that's fine but it's when I've got it's when I've got going and say to Colby did you say crap

do you say crap did you say oh maybe I should go Sorry, did you say the four letter C word? Not that one. He will go to me. No, I didn't say that.

I said crap. And then I'm like, I know, but we're not allowed to say, I can't help but laugh. So I've got to go and tell him off and say, please, can you not say crap bag or shit hole? But he says it. He goes, oh, shit hole. And I'm like, you're not even saying it with enough passion for it to be like. Is it even saying it in the right context?

Is it? Or it's when he goes, say. It goes, sake. And I said to him, you've got the intention to swear so they don't even do that. And he's like, I didn't even say, sake, fake, egg. Or he goes like, fag sake, egg. The other day he was losing on his PlayStation. He was going, fake, steak, like, you need to, you've got, turn the game off.

Turn it off. Do you remember when you were younger, you should shut the door, didn't you? Like this. Safina, do you want anything to wait? Yes. Please, I'd like a drop. Didn't you? Fucking...

Okay, I'm done now. I'll be done for dinner, thank you. Thank you. Call me when it's ready. You bet. Anywho, thanks, Brooke. We appreciate you. And hope Canada's wonderful.

I need to know if people did that all across the world. Brooke, can you take that's actually? Is it universal thing? It's at universal. You should shut the door really quietly as well because you couldn't slam it, but you'd shut it really aggressively, quiet. And then go nuts. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com and we're Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Anyone else's toddler celebrating free, willie? Or do you have any advice on getting back to work after having babies? Then let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!

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