Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Giant Poo Problem

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

A new episode... On a Thursday?? YEP! We've had a rejig at the Secret Mum Club HQ which means that you'll get your weekend fix every Thursday! After all, Thursday is the new Friday.To celebrate this momentous occasion, we have even more of your messages in the Correspondence Corner and an Extra Secret of The Week! Full disclosure, you might want to put your butter knives down before you hear this one. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and welcome to your thursday episode yeah we've had a bit of a revamp at the secret mom club everyone says thursdays is the new friday they do so get it in your diary new episodes from us every monday and thursday we've got so much to get through haven't we we, Emma? We do indeed. Shall we get started? Here we go, bitches. So we're going off with Correspondence Corner on this Thursday episode. Another Correspondence Corner.

So hit us, Emma. All right, this one says, Hi, Soph and Emma. I had a baby 10 weeks ago and I've just listened to the episode about mum guilt. I had an emergency C-section with my little girl and completely agree with what you said. It broke my heart because I couldn't do my birth plan, which was a water birth. In reality, I was happy for whatever needed to happen

to get my baby here safely. But every person I told about my birth plan replied with, yeah, that's never going to happen. You won't be having a water birth. As much as that was true, I just don't think anyone should be saying that to a soon to be mum. Your episode made me feel much better about my birth story, which'm still coming to terms with I even had a little cry after

listening I just want to say thank you so much for talking candidly about birth and being a mum it's a tough job but you've helped lots from Georgia oh Georgia oh god bless you fuck anybody that says about I'd get so sorry I've got a frog in my throat hold on i have to keep coughing yeah coughing out that's all right coughing out that stuff um it just pisses me off and you know what when people are like oh yeah you're not gonna get that water bath oh yeah i look at her thinking she's gonna get a shut up shut up a lot of people do say that don't they they feel like they can say that oh no what's the point in having a plan no one's birth plan goes to plan i've probably been guilty of saying that myself because no one's birth plan does go no one's birth plan goes but this is your new birth plan you're allowed to have that plan if you want and also some people do manage to just have a

water birth or whatever you know there was a lady that i watched her whole pregnancy and she wanted a water birth at home and she had a water bath at home and hers went great but at the end of the day the safety of your baby and your health is paramount over everything yeah and when people say oh you didn't get your birth plat no this is your new birth story yeah your new birth story yeah yeah it is this yeah and i just think it's sometimes saying this is what i wanted but in fact you know what it was an emergency cesarean and we both are well happy baby arrived safe and i wouldn't have had it any other way yeah because i just don't think even now

i don't think i would have changed anything about my labors no i wouldn't yes my first one was difficult but with dots i had a great one well they both were great they both both babies arrived safely into the world yeah with no complications and what more could i ask yeah exactly that just becomes your and if you get anything on top of that it's just an extra bonus i had a really similar situation to georgia so i totally feel you like i didn't i actually went in with like a bit of an anti-cesarean mindset because of things that we've talked about on the podcast before like just society and antenatal classes just making me think like the best thing to do was to have like a natural breathe through the natural vaginal birth i was the same as you i planned to have a water birth i started off in the water that all didn't go according to plan ended up having an emergency

cesarean like you which was like nothing like i had planned for or had envisioned for myself or had wanted like i did hypnobirthing, I really bought into all that stuff. I watched loads of videos on Instagram and read loads of stories on Instagram about women that had had these amazing water births. And I was like, I'm going to be able to do that. Like I felt really empowered, but things just didn't go my way on the day. And there was nothing I could have done about that. There were just multiple factors that meant that I ended up having to have a cesarean. But actually now, like I look back on it so positively, like I loved my birth story.

I'm going to have another cesarean this time with this baby, like which is going to be a completely different experience again. But I'm kind of angry that cesareans were like demonized for me for so long. It was like a lovely experience. for me for so long it was like a lovely experience i think so much now with obviously there's so much bad stuff on social media for you to see there's some stuff that's absolutely horrific but there's also so much positive to say like i was saying to maddie on the train on the way here is that there's so much positivity around cesareans and yeah when you're on tiktok you see people always positive cesarean i was opposite to you i went in with the whole what i don't know don't hurt me i didn't go to antenatal classes i didn't do none of that i didn't want to breathe my baby out i didn't want my baby to birth itself i just wanted to get through it with as

little knowledge as possible i didn't want to know anything and you didn't care what happened in terms of like what medicine you had well i was i was i was adamant that i wasn't gonna have any form of pain relief why did you feel like that because society told me that you get a marching band and a certificate if you go through with just gas and air or nothing at all you know if you just naturally birth this baby yeah plus i'm not somebody i don't even take paracetamols so for me to have a pain relief yeah would have been for me so so foreign and not something that i am used to as a person so i kind of was like well i don't want to put something in my body that can go through to the baby that was my only thing as soon as i was i was i was full full deep

in there i was like get me all the epidurals yeah get me all the fucking drugs nothing can prepare you for what that's gonna feel like the drugs make sure that you're comfortable make sure the baby is safe make sure the environment is as best as it possibly can be and you want there is no need for you to be in pain yeah this is what no one told me nobody told me there is absolutely no need for you to be in pain yeah there is all the resources for you to have gas and air well i had gas and air but gas and air. Well, I had gas and air, but gas and air, epidural, spinal block. Pethidine. Pethidine.

Another one which you can control manually yourself. Speak to your midwife because there is so many options. And I just think going in with that, I wish I'd gone in with the knowledge of knowing all my options. What was available to you. What was available to me. Rather than it just being a taboo subject. Yeah. You should just have a vaginal birth and then you should breastfeed your child yeah that's all you get

told but i am i was the opposite i went in with absolutely nothing no knowledge whatsoever no nothing whatsoever so i just think at the end of the day people are always going to have something negative to say yeah because none of anybody else's business no and i think if you're if you say your old birth plan as to what you wanted i i am that sarcastic person that's like birth my birth was perfect it wasn't what i wanted yeah no but it's perfect i agree i think mine now was perfect yeah and also the health visitor said something interesting when they came to visit me i don't know like a week or so after the baby was born and they were like when your birth doesn't go according to plan it's natural to want to talk about it all the time and really like think about it all the time and revisit it and i was

like oh that's because we put so much pressure on ourselves yeah but also i couldn't process what had happened because it was like everything that i thought was going to happen that I was building up to for months didn't happen and then suddenly it was like into surgery emergency cesarean you've got a brand new baby a couple of days later you're at home and you're like what the what just happened to me so it was really validating to hear the health visitor say that because I felt like I was banging on about it to Stefan all the time and I was like and in some moments in my head weren't clear because I was on the drugs and I was in loads of pain and being sick and all sorts so I kept saying to Stefan like and then what happened like at that time and what time did that happen and about what time did we go down to theatre and I like felt like I was annoying him because I

wanted to relive it all all the time and like know as much as I could about it and the help was like that's completely normal yeah I want to like go over and over and over because it wasn't what you planned because it wasn't what i planned and i like couldn't i needed to like process it and think i still think about it all the time now and he's like nearly two years old yeah and georgia's only what yeah 10 weeks out from having her baby so if you keep thinking about it all the time georgia that's also totally normal it is totally medicine and science is amazing wild as soon as i had the epidural i was loving life just take it no one you don't get a marching band there is nobody that comes in that says to you well done you're on our gold star list for giving birth with no drugs no none of that happens yeah it's all a load of bullshit just do what you gotta do and get through it yeah make it

as best as you can. Yeah. For you. Fuck everyone else. And congratulations, Georgia. And congratulations. Apologies. We got very ranty. I'm so sorry. On your lovely new baby.

Your lovely new babies. All right. We've got one last message here. It says, hi, Safina and Emma. I resonate with lots of your stories, but the poo blockage glow stick story, a classic, really got me chuckling. And I know exactly how this feels. I have what I think is a condition where I have giant poos is there a condition about giant poos is this email from you

i don't want to say i needed some more advice but i need no my girl this is not me i think it's because i eat lots of nuts oh but who knows your nuts make you have giant poos holy smokes i have loo blocking issues all the time at home at work out shopping hotels everywhere hold on a minute back the fuck up you're shitting everywhere you're shitting at home at work shopping hotel oh yeah i do shit my own loo i've pooed in all those places. Wow. This is phenomenal. Okay, let's keep going. I always moan at my husband. I always moan when I take a massive shit.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. My head was in a different space. I always moan at my husband that loos just aren't big enough for your giant shit. The worst occasion was when I was going for an interview at a very high-end firm oh no whilst waiting my nervous belly kicked in and i nipped to the client lose only to block the whole thing there was no brush god so i had to leave it and sit through the interview completely

distracted by the thought that the receptionist might find it any minute now. Safe to say I didn't get the job. I now... Oh, my God. Oh, God. I now carry around a poo knife. Like a pen knife, but a poo knife. What? She's just chopping her shit.

You need one Why? Is this a laminate? Where can I get a poo knife? Why do you get body sacks? Just go sorry You're carrying a knife out of my It's for my shit It's my poo knife

Butter knife? No It's actually my poo knife I chop my poo You said with your glow glue should i chop it up i was in my house in your the comfort of your own sticks in my bag now uh this is even better i carry around a poo knife which was given to me as a present from my dear friend who knows all about my big poo struggles love how open she is about it loving the podcast from lucy oh my god wow

lucy you absolute legend i cannot believe she's got a poo knife right is it actually a poo knife is it a knife just for your poo or do you just carry a butter knife you can't use it for anything else oh you mean like yeah is it like a you know cheese knives are cut are curved in a certain way like is there a specific chopping i reckon it's like a pen knife but okay have we used it shit have we used it lucy look me in the eyes have we used it have you been out in the shopping center block the loo and started chopping also what did you do so wipe it off on a bit of tissue and then wash it in the sink i do like i do at home when you cut a loaf of bread yeah back in the drawer the bread knife give me a quick wipe back in the drawer quick wipe back in my pocket back

in my handbag i do that all the time i'm just straight under the armpit back in the drawer yeah oh yeah that's not shit on it i need a picture i need a picture of the poodle oh not in action this isn't poo rate my poo.com start sending in pictures of your poo right let's just let's just clarify that we don't need any poo nami pictures no rate my poo i want to know more about the knife we need to know is it specifically for your poop is it an amazon link that you're able to share with us yeah is it curved like a cheese knife yeah and have you used it yeah have you used it also have you been searched if your bag's gone through like... Yeah. Customs.

Yeah. Anything to declare? Just my shit knife. I've got a poo knife in my bag. Madam, why did you carry that? Because I've got a condition called giant poo. Yeah. I think there might be a line of merch for you in poo knives though.

I think we could bring it out. Because you've spoken about this. I have. I'm not going to lie. I still am having giant shits. Yeah. And because you don't have a toilet brush, I think you've spoken about this. I have. I'm not going to lie. I still am having giant shits. Yeah. And because you don't have a toilet brush,

I think you need a poo knife. Lucy, let us know. Maybe you can get a code to refer. I literally have no words. Right. Okay. And stop eating so many nuts.

Yeah. These nuts making me have giant shits. These nuts. These nuts. Well, we know what to do now. Lucy, that was great. Stop with the nuts. making me have giant shits these nuts these nuts well we know what to do now stop with the nuts yeah but do monkeys have massive shits

they eat nuts don't they scribbles have tiny poos I don't know but they're only little aren't they to be fair I thought I was quite little apart from the poo that I birthed the other day and had to use me fucking glow sticks speaking of little people and big poos I've got a story for you.

Have you? I'll save it till the next podcast. Oh, no. You've got to join next week for next week's episode. Stay tuned. Stay tuned for Monday's episode. But thank you for all your messages. If you've got a giant poo problem like me and Lucy.

Me and Lucy. Why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com we're secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back after these messages welcome back i can't get over the poo knife it's too much god imagine you just mistaken it while you imagine someone picked it out of your bag to use it just peeling an apple oh where'd you get that where'd you get that knife from i took out your bag yeah it's needed a sharp knife i've just cut my shit with that. Right, okay.

As you know, we love a secret on The Secret Mum Club. The clue's in the title, isn't it? We love hearing your stories and that's why we thought we'd give you an extra secret of the week. It's not our secret though. No, it's one of yours from the secret mum club so emma what have you got for us this week's extra secret comes from g hi ladies just straight g yeah my g yeah g unit hi ladies this year was full of kids parties for me and i mean non-stop it doesn't matter how many i go to i still can't stand them and find them to be the most awkward events ever. Am I the only one who thinks this?

I know a lot of people do think that, but I actually love a kid's party. Do you? Yeah. To be honest, I'm grateful for something for the baby to do. I feel like all your friends talk though. Yeah.

The parties you go to, you know everybody. You haven't been to a school party yet. No. Where you know no parents. you also don't know the children and the boys parties are just loads of children run around sliding on their knees and the parents don't talk to anybody and you awkwardly sit there and just wait yeah i might change my mind when it gets to school parties i might change my mind at the moment it's like i'm friends with all the people that have got babies so going to i actually like i'm grateful to get invited to a baby's party because it's like an activity for joseph to do come back to us in two years come

back to you when he's at school maybe honestly it's so i'm just gonna take a sip of my water is it um painful when you have to how long do you have to be there for though no to go to the kids party yes an hour and a half two hours two hours? I always like it now. Colby's at an age where it's a drop off. Oh, you can leave him. And then come back. When does that happen? Although I spend a lot, I'd say like this year.

But I'd say it's quite scary because I do wonder if they're going to steal my child. Yeah. Yeah. What if I go to the house and all the children are gone? Yeah. That does scare me a little bit. That's probably not going to happen if you know them from school though though i sit in the car on the outside anyway so do you yeah and i say to colby if you do need me don't tell anybody but i'm just and do all the parents do

that no no just sit in their cars just me just you just a weirdo just me just sit outside but you just sit outside like yeah chill on your phone which is better than talking making some for an hour sometimes by the time you go and come back it's an hour i mean it's i just think that's not that bad like you can make well some of them i would say dot c's tend to be an hour but colby's tend to be about two two to three hours i just think also even things that i go to where i don't know the parents so like some baby classes i don't know the parents but you get chatting to them because the thing you've got in common is your babies i'm gonna be honest with you it's a different ball game when their music bugs was great a lot used to love going to music bugs boring baby of course you do yeah

you do it does that doesn't happen when your child hits like six seven years old and above it just doesn't happen no more it's not cute they're not cute like i think colby's cute but someone else's seven-year-old child to me it's cute no i also don't want to know about their their milestones and their development and how they're doing i couldn't give a shit if they're reading tequila mock and bird i don't care who they're going to be in the detail you just pretend that you do for an hour just at the coffee to the party two hours but then you also get the clicky mums i'm not the clicky mum i'm not in the group i'm the i'm the solo rider yeah i'm the outsider lone wolf yeah i am i'm the leader of my own pack yeah that's chris and the children yeah i'm the i'm the solo rider yeah i'm the outsider lone wolf yeah i am i'm the leader of

my own pack yeah that's chris and the children yeah i'm not in i'm not in no one else's gang but yeah are he parties it's not the one certain age i know i think more people probably feel like you do and like g than me no g she's my g for a reason yeah but no parties are just not the one yeah i know a lot of parents do hate them yeah and also i'm at that predicament now where i we are school holiday parties yeah so we've not really had colby's uh a party with school friends in the holidays that's what i'm dreading i can't be asked to host i don't want to be left with someone else's children no offense like i'm sure your children are great but you kind of have to return the favor like if colby gets invited to all these parties i feel like we have to invite we've got we've just had

four invitations we've got four invitations in a week i found like september and october birthday birthday month birthday months there were birthday parties back to everyone was just shagging that's exactly what G is saying. Yeah. Loads of children are born in September and October. It's been party heavy for us. Yeah, it's back to back. But no, any tips? I mean, maybe just go.

Let me know as well. Go to your car and sit on your phone. Yeah. Well, yeah, it depends if it's a drop-off party. Depends how old the child is. I also feel like this year, maybe, well, next year, sorry, the next birthdays that we have, 2024, I feel like I need to return the favour because Colby's gone to a lot already you've got to do one but i feel like what would you like me to do would you like me to invite you as the parent or

would you like me to do a drop-off service i think at that age drop-off is fine okay obviously i'm not going to be leaving joseph it's a lot of responsibility for me to then take on 12 children. Yeah, it is. That's scary. And then if I do them a joint party, 24 kids. I just don't think it's for that long, though. Like, you do a bit of activity, cut a bit of cake. But I'll tell you what, then. I'll tell you what we'll do, 2024.

Yeah? Because we're both going to have new babies. We're both going to be in this predicament together. Why don't you come to our seventh birthday party and you can pretend to not know anybody. Okay. Or you don't know anybody. I'll pretend not to know you.

The problem is I need a seven-year-old. No, you just have to come. Just come as an adult. Bring Joseph. Yeah, yeah. Just come as an adult without a child to a kid's party. I would say probably that may be weird. You might have to bring a child.

So I will do a renter child. My sister's got loads. She's got loads of them. So we'll give you one of them. Okay. So you can just come and we'll see how you get on. Like a crash course. I can do a rent-a-child. My sister's got loads. She's got loads of them. So we'll give you one of them. Okay. So you can just come and we'll see how you get on. Like a crash course.

I can do small talk. Yeah, for three hours. Yeah. Yep, cool. Okay, then. Right, stay tuned, folks. All the ones that have got big children are going to be like,

fucking hell, Emma, you don't know what you signed yourself up for. Stay tuned until next August for that. You can just keep listening to every episode religiously. Invite your friends in, send it to your mum, your dad,

your aunts, uncles, grandparents, your next door neighbour, the cat, dog, any people with poo knives. Get it,

get it to them. And keep listening until August. I'm here nine months away. Yes. But thank you. We cleared a lot of ground. Just good luck, G.

And we basically don't have any tips for you. I'm sorry. So what do you think think are you a kids party enthusiast or do you avoid them like the plague drop us a message the email is

hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back first thing on monday and then back again on thursday and then back again

on the following monday and then back again on thursday so make sure you write it down it's thursday on Thursday and then back again on the following Monday and then back again on Thursday so make sure you write it down it's Thursday T-H-U-R-S-D-A-Y Thursday

yeah and we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club yay