Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Grand Unveiling

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

The cat’s out of the bag... we’ve got brand-new artwork! The ladies spill all about how the photoshoot really went, and Emma has a big secret to share this week. Plus, we hear from a mumma whose little one has a unique way of asking for sausages, and another mum who needs advice on handling a 7-year-old who just won’t listen. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in their secret mum club. Should we address the elephant in the room? Hello. Look, he finally made the cup.

Your girl's on the artwork. Your girl is on the artwork. She's there in all her glory. There we are. Divine she looks. Still Saffina's Secret Mum Club, but at least my face is on there now. We had to dibbler into there. We couldn't not.

No, no. You're a big deal. It's been a long time coming. You're a huge deal around here. You also got notice for being on the podcast, didn't you? I got spotted. Yeah. Yeah.

Actually, at that wedding that I was talking about in the last episode, I got stopped by a fan. Stop. Fan of the show. Oh, that's divine, isn't it? I think at the Reading Services, I was noticed for being on the podcast. Yeah. Because it's more of a visual medium. Of course.

But at the wedding, it was a listener to Absolute Radio. Yeah. Don't go over them. Don't mention the rivals. But yeah, I'm getting quite used to it now. Now my face is on there, I might become more of a celebrity. You might do. You might have to just walk around like this, though.

I'm going to start wearing a cap and sunglasses. I only show one side of your face, like a piece of paper. Oh, excuse me, do you reckon that? Yeah, it is me. Have a look at the side profile. Yeah, it's me. It's definitely me, yeah. You have to wear your air down all the time.

Most of my face is covered up by my hand, but I'm glad to have, I'm honoured to have made it on. I won't know. It's up there in one of my core memories of being the funniest things I've ever had to go through. Because at this point, Emma was also whispering, I want to say sweet nothings in my ear. Absinities. She was absolutely...

vile. No, do you know what was hard, though? It's because we had to... She was talking about sucking dicks. Now we can talk about it because they know what the pose is. We had to hold that obviously like for ages so they could get the right shot.

In the end, Joe, the photographer was just going, right, don't hold it. I'm going to give you a three, two, one, and pull the pose. I got jaw lock. We couldn't do it. You had to look surprised for about half an hour. My little lips, my little lips going up there.

It's quivering. I was like this. And he was like, right, Safina, relax your face. And he kept going, surprise eyes. Surprise eyes, Sophia. I can't. They were going to me, look really surprised, bore your eyes right into the side of Safina's head

and get really close to her ear and whisper something. And at the start, I started trying to be funny and then I ran out of things to say. And then it just was literally nothing, nothing in there. I want to say, we've gone back to the first photo. Yeah. This might have been the third one that was taken. We went through a lot of outfit changes. We did so many variations.

We did so many variations. And this is the one we finished on. You was eating your hair at one point. You were eating my hair. It was stuck to your lip gloss. Yeah. We also did some really cringy family photos where we jumped on each other's, well, Emma jumped on my back. Yeah.

And then I cradled her, cradled her. We wanted to do the like when people recreate their baby photos, didn't we? Like their sibling photos really wanted to do that. So that might be coming unless that's in the archive. And you will never see it along with the telitubby photo shoot. The telitubby photo shoot from pregnancy, I think, is never going to see the light of day. That's deep, deep in the archives. Maybe one day.

So deep in the archives. Holly, if you're listening, Holly has just got that stored of. away for the day that she needs it. She holds a lot of power in her hand. Holly Bobbins, yeah she does. Holly the photographer. But no, that is the new going forward. That's all you're going to ever see is the both of us now. We're all in this together. Someone commented on the Instagram post because you obviously came in with all your hair and makeup done looking absolutely stunning as we can see here and someone commented saying this is off topic but

Sophia you look absolutely stunning. Stop it. They did. And I thought well she's never going to look that nice ever again. I won't. I just said, um, I We did some social clips and I just said that is a pure catfish because I never, I actually thought in the lift this morning, which was quite ironic because you said to me, didn't you? I walked in the lift and I thought, God, there was a time I used to make an effort for the podcast. And then I went, do you know, there was a time we used to get changed to record different notes.

We used to do an outfit. Yeah, we used to make an effort. Yeah. That is catfish to its finest. Have we got too comfortable? I think we are. That's what happens in a relationship, doesn't it? Yeah, that's it.

Two years in. You're not still putting makeup on. Two years deep. I'm not even brushing my air. It's greasy as fuck. I mean, you're only listening to me. You don't have to look at me. That's what you look at.

So when you hear my voice, that's all you can see. Yeah. When you're in the car, that's my face. But the social videos. Yeah, fuck. We're screwed. We're screwed. Get some filtering on that.

When I first started in radio, I thought, Facebook radio, no one's ever going to see me now. Social clips. Sorry, girlie, yeah. I'm screwed. So I need to make a little bit more of an effort. But yeah, there we are. Oh, that's very lovely. I haven't read the comments on the social clip.

I read them for you. I'm your PA, aren't I? I know, well, not my PA, I just get, I get, I'm a little bit, comment scared, commentphobic. Yeah. I don't like reading the comments because sometimes they can, oh, they can hurt deep in there. Not that anyone's ever horrid. Well, some people are. Some people are, but yeah, we just delete those.

But yeah, that is the, that is the elephant in the room. So there we are, yeah. There we go. It's actually quite distracting. We hope you love it as much as we do because we went through. As much as we love ourselves. I'm obsessed with it. We went through quite a few different ones, didn't we?

So many variations. So many variations. I think this one was second in the selection of ten. It's always like one of the first ones you see. You're like, let's just go back to that. Let's just go back to that. Nothing's getting better than that. No.

Yeah. So there we go. So anyway, that's it for your week. She's signing a new contract this week. She? She. You. Oh.

And you? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know that I'm signing mine. Oh, I don't know. Oh, I don't know. So I just got management. If you don't hear us next week.

Emma didn't sign Or actually Emma did I didn't I'll be on holiday No Maddie and Maisie I handle all that Yeah connect God I'd love to have someone

to sort of Do you want to Maddie Amazing? Phenomenal I won't like They're actually Everything to me I would be so lost without them

I'd love some representation Stefan always says to me Oh he's like My diary is like I can't keep on my diary and blah blah blah He's always like Do you want to be my PA

I'll pay you So yeah That's where we're out We're ready for the week. Yeah, for the new school term. We've only got days now. It's a matter of days. I'm shit in my pants.

But we're ready. Like I said last week, we're ready. Yeah. We're ready. Everything is prepped. Mentally, no. None of us are ready mentally, I don't think. Practically you're ready. Practically, yeah.

That's a great way of putting it. Practically, we're ready. Mentally, we are checked out. But mentally, you'd never be ready. No. Would you? No. And I don't think the children are.

No. I'd love to know if there's any mum or dads out there that the children are ready to go back. Some people love it maybe. Yeah, yeah. I know there's lots of, it's a divided community that return to school.

And neither one of us is right. Whether you pine and cry for your baby to go back or they go back or whether you're joyful and happy and cannot wait, both of them are so valid. And it doesn't make you any more

or any less of a parent. No. It's just me as a human being. I can't cope with it. It's probably for most people a little bit of both, isn't it? Yeah, it's a mixed emotion. But also you're probably like,

I've had these kids in my house for six weeks. 100%, 100%. Can't wait for them to go back. I also think it's anything that's like a change is hard. It just pisses me off how there's so much negativity. Like if you're crying about the children

go back to school, people are like, fucking hell, I wish I was like you or bloody hell. You know, the comments. And then if somebody says, oh my God, I can't wait for the babies to go back. And then you get all the people that like, oh my God, I miss that. And you just can't, you know,

the same with anything, you can't win. But no one is any better or lesser a parent on how they're feeling about the return to school. Everyone's feelings are valid. But I'm excited for them to go back. I feel like they need, again, always the social interaction. They need the structure. It's really, really good for mine.

Like they love having routine and structure and their after school clubs. And we've not had much football for Colby in the holidays, which has been so sad. Like we've done no, we've had no tournaments or anything like that. I think we've done one tournament. Whereas last summer, we were packed back to back. I guess it's worked in our favour because we've been moving house. Yeah. But he's had like zero football.

But we are going back into a new football. football season as well this week with Colby's now a Saturday and a Sunday football team so he's gone from one football no football to one football now we're on two football so he's in a Saturday league team and he's in a Sunday league team

which means we have one day in the week where we don't go to football which now we're going to take Dottie in the week to do one ice skating and then she's got her ice skating at the weekend so we are ramp-packed to the fullest God what are you going to do when Rennie starts doing like activities I did think about this the other day but the boys are, their age difference is so big.

Maybe Colby might have stopped by them. Yeah. You know, seven years. Colby's going to be, oh God, 14, 15. Yeah, but he might still be doing... No, he'll be older than that because he's nine. I know, he'll be 16. He'll be 16 when Renley is like seven going to maybe do football or something like that.

Oh, God, I can't think about it. But you might be having to get three children to activities. That's going to be wild. Do you know what I did as the third child? This would be Renley. I just used to go around in the car Sit around and wait for everybody And sit around and wait for everyone

We used to go to horse riding for my oldest sister Used to go to dance for my middle sister And then they always were going to like brownies and guides And then I basically hang out with my mum in the car Yeah but my little niece does that I was going to say my little niece does that But she goes to her own clubs as well But she loves she loves driving around

I did love it I loved it We had like a little ritual like my sister used to go dancing on a Saturday And then me and my mum would like go to the shops And go to the bakery and get lunch You find your way with all of them As to what they want to do And with me it was nothing

They try me with everything Do you want to go brownies? Nah Do you want to do dance? Nah Tap, nah Contemporary Nah

But yeah We're ready We're ready to go back bags a big week Bags are ready Lunchboxes are ready Just haven't got no food We're back to lunchbox videos

I'm hoping now with being Because I've had to take a few weeks off doing my social videos I'm hoping with the spark back to school is going to give us the lunch box spark and get the content back going because I've just been dry.

And you've got your huge kitchen to film things in now? Is it bigger? My kitchen? Yeah. Dignormous. Oh, nice. Yeah.

It's like a kitchen diner, so it's all one room. Yeah. I've had a little sneak peek on... I've had a few ads going live so it's the new ads because obviously I still had to work. Yeah.

So I've had a couple of ads go live that has sneaky peeky revealed the Kichiyono. But no, I'm excited. I'm excited for the babies. I think it's wonderful for them to be back and socialise him. And I'm excited for the new teachers. We haven't met them yet. Yeah, well, they did a, what do they call it?

Teacher meet. Yeah, like a transition day kind of thing. Yeah, but we didn't get to meet the teachers. Oh, no, you didn't. The baby did. Yeah, yeah. There was one where we could stop and meet the teacher. And it was running over time and we had to get out.

Oh, no. to do so we didn't have time to stop. Do you know what? A service my sister said she had because my nephew is starting in primary school this September. The teacher for the reception children comes to the house. That's really, really common. What a great service.

I know. I think it's just to pop home and check everything at home and see where they're living. It's like a health visitor, but for school. I think so. Pretty much that's what it was. I loved it. I loved it when they came out. It was wonderful. But we didn't get that in COVID with Colby.

So I only done that with Dottie. Oh yeah. Because he didn't get that because he, obviously, we had no one at the house. since they went to school bubbled his first year of school. But Dotties, we got to do that with hers. It was very sweet. Yeah, so nice.

So nice. I can't believe I'll be doing that with Joseph next year. I know. Next year. Supply time. Then we've now, the next step we've got to think about is we've got October. I'm already counting down for the next holiday. October half term.

And then November, we got to apply for Dottie's Junior's place and you'll be applying for Jojo's year our place. Yeah, starting in November. Well, I've got going to look at some schools. You have. I don't know where he's going. You have no clue. I need to do a school tour.

School tour, baby. We need to get on the road. I really love the school tours, to be honest. I'm excited to see Sam. Do you know what? I love seeing the children all sat in the classroom and they're just sat there like, it did look a little bit scary at one point though

because they all sit in their little lines, don't they? And you think, oh, this is actually sad but it's cute at the same time. Yeah. Because you think, oh God. I'm excited. I think Joseph's going to like school.

I hope so. You're going to do like a foresty school. No, fuck that. No, you're going to go fall in. My friends have got their daughter at a forest school and they're like, oh my God, it's amazing. She's outside all the time, covered in mud.

They stay outside in like minus five. I was like, fuck that. Outside in the cold and mud, I wouldn't like anything less. What age group is he? She's four. She's full. So is that her year R or is that? No, it's like a preschool.

I wonder if they do a forest school for like year R and a bar. I don't know. You could go to like a, I don't know. I thought it was just nursery. Let us know. If this is a thing, do they do like a forest school? of school for a year hour and above. I guess I'd absolutely hate that.

It has to get a little bit more academic, doesn't that? I think you've got to start learning stuff, sadly. Yeah. Poopy, poopy. But how's your week been? Good. We've been, well, by the time this goes out, we would have been on holiday, but we've been getting ready to go on holiday.

We're going to Portugal. I've never been before. Haven't you? I've been a couple of times to Portugal. Have you? Yeah. We're going to, obviously, to the touristy area, because it's meant to be really good for kids, but I said it to Joseph's nursery teacher the other day, because she's Portuguese.

Yeah. Oh. And I've been saying to Joseph, like, you should tell her that we're going to Portugal because she's Portuguese. And when I picked him up the other day, I said, did you tell her where we're going? And she was like, oh, no, he hasn't. I said, oh, we're going to Portugal. And she normally speaks with a Portuguese accent. And she was like, oh, are you going to the Algarov in like a British accent?

I said, oh, yeah, I think like somewhere near there. Yeah, like to like the touristy bit. She went, oh, yeah, we don't really consider that like proper Portugal because it's just where all the British people go. I was like, oh, well, I'm sure we'll have a nice time. This went down like a lead balloon. Yeah. I thought you'd be excited. No, okay.

She just was slagging me off and going to a touristy area. I've done touristy and I've done outside because ex-boyfriend his mom and dad had a house out in Portugal. Oh, really? So we did, I've done like the touristy bit of Portugal and I've done the authentic bit as well.

Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, I'm excited. It's my one holiday. We can't wait to hear about it. One, you've had about 10. I haven't. I'm joking. I've actually been away?

She just gets so wound up. Oh, I didn't. No. We went to Sennie P's. We've done Sany P's, yeah. But I haven't been on a broad... No, my... I also did go to Disneyland Paris. Yeah, and hold on, didn't you go away the other weekend for the Hendo? Oh, not with the family.

So I was thinking, like, I haven't been on a flight this year. No, I have. I've been to Paris, Denise, and now I'm going to board. Right, but she's never away. She's never on a lot. I actually really want to do a long holiday before Joseph starts school when we get into like the rhythm of like school holidays because obviously we won't be able to take him for a long period again. No, you've got wait for the holidays. Then you go into territory.

of it being so expensive. Exactly. And then you understand why parents take their children out and take a fine or get slagged off by the school. So before September 2026, I actually do want to do a long holiday again.

So brace yourselves. Brace yourselves. We're bracing for impact. Well, we wishing you're wonderful holly bobs. Thank you. Can't wait to hear all about it. Thank you. See your white bits?

Oh, I had a moment. Yeah. Can I see a white bit? I don't be showing you any of those. I did have a mementous bit of preparation for the holiday. We upsized the car seats. So we're officially out of the baby car seat for Sadie.

She's gone into Jojo's one. The baby seat being that actually the carry. Carrey, wow, you've held that out. She was still in that. She's little though. She's little. She didn't key. But she was kicking off about going in it.

I can't even imagine trying to get runners in one of them and try and lift it off the floor. The boy's about two stone. We never move. We never get it in and out. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. But she was kicking off about going in it because she was like, I'm too big for this shit now. Get me in one of these big ones at Jojo's in.

She's up into the 360. Wow. And now Jojo's in like a proper boy, like a little boy one. Like not even a proper car seat. just like a booster with a back. Yeah. Sad times. That is sad times.

I know. The end of an era. It is. And he's just trapped in with a seatbelt now, not a buckle. Oh. And where did you get them from? Halford's. Did you?

Yeah. Love that. We love Halfords so much. Yeah, it was good. Oh, phenomenal. So yeah, surprised to not be like strapping him in with a buckle anymore. It's weird, but it feels like he's like a grown-up boy now, you know. I always find sometimes, because you can buy them online, can't you car seats?

But I went to Smith's and we did all the safety through them. Yeah. I do get a little bit paranoid about car seats. Nice to get a demonstration. It does, it is. It is really nice. It's been a bit of a quiet week, really, hasn't it, for the both of us?

It's going to be big, next week, though. It's going to be big balls. Well, you're going to be balls deep. I am going to be balls deep because we're going to be bringing back the... So we've got... We're going to have birthday, return to school, and Holly Bob's for you. Lots of catch up on. That's going to be a big, dirty, stinking week.

Yeah. Dirty stinking week. So, anyhow, Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say,

Hello! You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret MumPod, or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. You did the biggest belch, earlier after your diet carto. I was wondering whether you could put one in there.

We had a salard for lunch. It was a big whopper. Round of applause from Zofia, I got for that one. It came straight from the vagina. Came deeper than the bowel. It came right down low. Wasn't even a fanny fart. Straight up all through my all goes,

a bha. Side note, the other day I was putting Joseph to bed. I was trying to get him all nice and calm and relaxed and he sat up. And he went, ooh, because he was asked to point it out when he farts. He went, oh, it trump. And then he went, it was this big and held him. his hands aren't really wide and I went oh does it stink and he turned his bum towards me and went smell it smell it bitch I love so much anyway oh gosh right okay let's hear our

corresponders corner this episode is unhinged it's wild it's loose like my bowel Foofoo My burping foo It's not the same as a far It's different Quif Is it queffing It's a really weird sensation

Isn't it And it And it just comes forward It goes Oh crumbs Where does that go And sometimes it gets stuck Doesn't it

Like you got a bubble You should shimmy out a little bit Shimmy out Oh wow And she blows I hope everyone's experienced To quefe Wow

Okay Right this one says Hi, Sophie and Emma. Sorry. Thank you so much for answering my question about limiting sugar for children, especially when their siblings are allowed it. I was so excited to hear your response.

I just thought I'd send in a little update. Oh my gosh. Baby girl has arrived. I had an amazing delivery. So much better than I expected and didn't have to stay in hospital for long. Our son has already started helping with the baby

and even reminds us she can't have things like snacks or water that he's having. It's early days, but we're so happy to see this and really hope it continues. That approach of developing his palate first has been brilliant. It's helped him discover that fruit and veg can be tasty. He still enjoys the odd treat, but even tells us when he's had enough. That said, we've noticed he's been a bit more demanding of our attention since the baby arrived.

He's definitely picked up that we're tired, but hasn't linked that tiredness to his new sister just yet. So that's something we're managing. Thank you again for your amazing advice. I'll definitely be using more of it as the kids grow up. Thanks, Maria. Oh, well, congratulations. Congratulations. On the safe arrival of your beautiful baby girl.

How delightful. Nothing beats a fresh baby. I know. Oh, so delicious. Just eat them up. Eat them up. Eat them up. And how phenomenal he's doing incredible, isn't it?

Yeah. I can't remember what she said. The age gap is, but I think, I think small. I think the age gap is small. I thought he was three. Is he not three? That rings the bell, yeah, because he started having, like, yeah, he started having treats. But she doesn't want to give the little lady sweet treats.

Yeah. Obviously you wouldn't for a baby anyway But she wants to make sure that she allows enough time Before introducing that But how wonderfully clever of him as well And he's saying she's too little, she can't have them Sadie, Joseph still does that for Sadie I think he takes joy in her

Not being able to have like the naughty things Yeah, he'll be like, you can't have this Sorry about this whole kinderag Yeah, you see this nice lorry right here? You can't have that, you can't have that You can't have that Oh do you know what we gave Renley yesterday A Whole Cornetall

Did you? Give it to me. One corner. He ate a whole cornetto. Did he? A whole cornetto from cream to tip. Wow. Chocolatety tip.

From the whole ice cream down to the bottom. Wow. And you were saying he had a surfing turf the other day. He did have a surf and turf. He's really into like a meat era, bless his heart. So I made the boys a surf and turf. So I did prawns, salmon. I've got my ninja from the old house over.

We're basically fully from the old house into the new house now. That's it, air-friar. But it's like the pizza oven outside. But I don't want my meat in there, so it doesn't stink out the house. So I did steaks in there. We had some grow prawns. We had salmon. We had some IKEA meatballs because you can't have a surf and surf without a Swedish meat bowl.

Oh. I know. Controversial. Contravery. Contravery. Contravery. Very contraverri. You need to have it. It's meat.

Get it on there and they're delicious. And yeah, read it's just ate everything. He had some steaks and prawns. Prawns are his absolute favourite. Salmon. Love it all. You're so lucky. It eats so well.

Oh, yeah. Don't get it twisted. Dots was having a bowl of bluey, multi-grained cereal at the other end of the table. It was a very divided house. But bless her heart, she's not one for. She's not too bad with meat at the moment. I know she goes through her phases. It's more smell for Dopp.

She just doesn't like the smell of food cooking in the house. Yeah. Which is great with the ninja. Yeah. Get it outside. Yeah, yeah. It means less cleaning up as well. Yeah.

But sorry, we digress then. Yeah, we did. I'm so incredibly sorry, but you're doing fantastic and we hope that your recovery is amazing. And so long it continues, your amazing little family. Yeah, how cute. He's adorable, isn't he? I love that he's like, yeah, he's like into the baby. Yeah. That's cute. Because it can, it can go one of two ways. Yeah, we know this with Jojo and. Jojo was tricky, but. Whereas cobs and dots were.

I will say it only gets better as it goes along. Yeah. Again, though, give or take, not for everybody, does it? But you just have to For me personally. Stay united. Mom and dad need to stay united. Stick together because it's, it's a slog. Yeah. But you'll get that. Oh, God. I hope the tiredness is okay. I'll feel you. Oh, bless you. Thank you so much. You can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are

We're all stars and we see that Also Emma is a faky She said she's a high school musical fan And she's not Because we had to sing a song to say That she didn't even know was from high school musical music I don't say I'm a high school musical fan You did?

No, I only know that song Just that one? Yeah Oh, okay, I'll let you off I feel like high school musical was slightly after our era No How old were you watching that?

17 Now I felt a bit older for it No I'd love to revisit it though. I took a little bit longer to grow up than everybody else. I struggled to let go of my dollies and my teddy bears. Right.

I was a little bit more delayed with that. I loved my toys very much. I still believed in the big... SC, yeah, until I was probably about 13, 14. Wow. I think as well, I was too scared not to believe. Yeah. Because then I got nothing.

Yeah. But my sister and my brother carried it on for me. Oh, that's nice. I know. God bless them. Yeah, that's sweet. God bless them. But we have a... secret this week and it's not my secret to share. Emma has a secret to be sharing. We all know

about Emma's secret but she's been keeping a secret from all of you. Yeah. And she's ready to share it. Yeah. It's a big one this week. So I'm taking it on. Taking it. Do you feel like you're up for the challenge? Yeah, I think so. I've been slightly, well, I've been very scared about sharing it actually because. Which is when it, behind, so once it comes out and everyone hears it, which is why when I was saying to you and we were talking about it in the studio and now you can, on passing the baton, literally, Literally passing it over. More than one bat on, I'm passing everything to you. Yeah, I think you'll know how I feel when I say,

I'm just a bit nervous. You don't want to jinx anything. You don't. But obviously, we've spoken about us relocating to Wales. Yes. And it's officially on. You go. We have found a house, sold our house.

The move is on. The movie's on. The movie's on. Oh, yeah. It all happened so quickly. I, like, wasn't ready for it. It's been a phenomenal process for you. It's been fast.

You were just gone, you sold yours quickly, you found one. Yeah, yeah. Pretty quickly. And obviously, moving across the country is hard because you can't just, like, go to house you're at the job of a hat. You've really got to plan that shit. It's planet. So I was talking about, like, me and Stefan going to see them separately.

He went to see some houses when he was down in Cardiff because he's there for work sometimes and obviously I need to look after the children. And then he was like, yeah, I've seen two that I really like, but now you have to go and see them so then I had to make sure the children could be looked after so then I could just pop on over to Cardiff casual three and a half hours to go and look at a house and so I was like I really hope one of these is the one and I saw two the two that he saw I did really like them but one of them was really rural and one of them was like in a bit more of town you're wanting it to be a little bit rural aren't you a little bit towny well like Stefan wanted to go more countryside than I did

just because he's like a country boy and he doesn't really love cities whereas like I quite like being somewhere that's a bit more built up. And obviously we've been in London for a long time. So it's going to be a lot of getting used to. So I kind of wanted to do like a halfway house. Like move out of London, but still be somewhere with like amenities and like transport links and stuff. I'm obviously going to be coming up to London to still do this.

So I didn't want to be like totally cut off. Having said that. You've gone rural. We've gone rural. Really rural. We've gone countryside. It's, I feel like the houses that we saw that were still a little bit built up just didn't

feel that different to London. Yeah. And I kind of was like if we're making this move, We got to go big. Let's just, you know, in for a penny, in for a pound. If we're moving, let's just do it properly. Because it kind of just felt like we were moving to residential estates similar to London, but just outside of London.

And actually, I think what we want this move to be is like a forever home. A forever home, a bit more space, nice life for the kids, like, a bit outdoorsy, just like greenery when you look out the window, not just like a concrete, you know, a block. And so that's what this place is like. And I was like, you know, it might be a little bit different. It might be a little bit remote, but I think we'll have a really nice quality of life there, so I'm excited. We're so excited for you. Yeah.

I mean, it doesn't feel like quick probably to you in the list. It's because obviously we've all known like about this for a while. But our house like sold so quickly, which obviously I haven't spoken about, but our estate agent was like, so it sold after being on the market for like 10 days. Yeah. I think four people saw it. And the estate agent like phoned up to tell me and I just wasn't like prepared because I just thought. because I just thought it'll probably be on the market for like a good few weeks. Because mine was so fucking long as well.

Yeah, and everyone I know, they're like, the market's a bit slow at the moment. Like, it probably won't go really quickly. So he told me it and I was a bit like, oh, and he was like, aren't you pleased? He was like, I've literally done the job that you hired me to do. It was like, are you pleased? And I was like, ah. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah, I am.

But like that night I had like anxiety. Like I couldn't sleep because I had heart palpitations thinking like, shit, now we actually have to move out of this house and like relocate the kids and find new nursery. and new schools and like do all this stuff and leave my other job like it's a huge change so i feel constantly anxious about it and also at that point we didn't have a house to move to so our buyers were like yeah great when can you move out and we were like we need to because they're coming from rented aren't they're keen to move really quickly yeah they're keen to move really quickly they said could

they move in in four weeks they did i said absolutely not i will not be out of here in four weeks with a house to move to with two small children yeah but they want to do it quickly so we were a bit like well, now we better find somewhere really quickly. I think I shipped my mum and dad up because I went, look, if we don't find somewhere, we're going to have to move in with you while we look for somewhere. And they were like, I'm sure you'll find something.

They've been really active in like helping with the search because they're like, please, don't come back here. My poor parents, they've had my oldest sister live with them, my middle sister live with them. And then we could have moved in with two small children. I think they would have had a breakdown. But yeah, we found somewhere now. So hopefully all the timings align and it just works out

and nobody pulls out. I'm paranoid that like something's going. going to go wrong because the process is so flimsy and so long like you could get really far down the line and someone could go actually I don't want to move into this house anymore and then you just have to start again but you're a bit like me you're in a really fortunate position in the fact that you've got the your buyers are renting yeah and then the one you love they've offered to move out they've offered to just have to move into a rental so like we're we're the only people in the chain which I think is phenomenal yeah which I think we're

that's a really really lucky position to be in yeah I think it doesn't help does it because are you've gone through me just recently going through losing a buyers yeah it falling through not getting any viewings and so forth so for me I felt like mine was a bad bad example bad experience bad example to watch but now the other side of it though once that bit had all gone through everyone told me that the moving bit was actually the hardest but I've quite enjoyed the moving bit have you yeah you love stuff like that though I love the organisation I do love organising and freshening in a fresh decor in a room I'm excited to get there and do that I just hate the packing up

bit and like moving across the country with all our staff and we really need to have like a huge you know how much shit you accumulate like we really need to have a massive sort out but yeah it's exactly congratulations thank we're so happy for you i'm slightly dreading having to like move out of that house i know i'm going to cry also just for the record the podcast isn't going anywhere emma's going to commute so like i commute from southampton up to london emma's taking a way longer journey than me but every week we're both going to be commutees together. Come on up here once a week.

I know. I'm excited to still have my little taste of London because I'm going to miss it. I know you'll be able to dabble your little toe in. Yeah, dip my little toe in. It's only a two hour train ride, you know. Yeah, so mine's an hour in six minutes, sometimes 16, depending on if we had an extra stop in.

Yeah. And then yours is two hours. Yeah. So we're both doing exactly the same now every Wednesday. Maybe eventually we could meet in like Swindon. I don't go through Swindon. Redding? No, don't go through Reading.

I only make four stops. Oxford? I go to, I go, Bristol. No, I go from my stop, then I go Winchester, Bays and Stoke, sometimes give or take we stop at Wakeham, we might not, at Clapham Junction and then Waterloo. Oh, right, okay. So mine's a really fast train.

So London really is like the central meeting point for both of us. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Centre of the universe. Centre of the universe. So yeah. Center of my ass, well, congratulations. That's my secret. All the love to Stefan and the babies.

Thank you. We'll all be rooting for you. I mean, if you need us to move, we'll do an epic. episode of the podcast moving with you. I'll strap a microphone to you and away we go. I'm going to have to document it all because it's going to be so fucking stressful. I wanted to document

it and honestly I couldn't. I was one minute I was crying the next one I was angry then I was laughing then there was people coming and going and I wanted to document my whole one. When is there ever time? But I just documented all the bits that are super special so it's something that I haven't documented it on my social media because I feel like

it's something that like only my eyes. Sometimes I'm a little bit Because obviously I put so much content out. Sometimes I like my eyes to just see certain things. So there's things that my eyes have seen that I will cherish forever. Like their first moments, like the first morning they woke up. And then the first night in the new house and the moment they saw that we got the keys. Like they're things I'm going to cherish forever.

So I've been a little bit. I've not given too much on mine yet because I just, I'm just still in a bubble of soaking it all up. Sorry. I don't want to say it was onions, but. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to cry. I don't need a man.

All right, that's my secret. So we'll get into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you. We're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, take it away with number one, please. All right, this says, hi, your lovelies. I'm getting back in touch. I was the lady who's newborn shot poo in her mouth.

You don't expect it, were you? I had a mouthful of water then I shouldn't do that This time I've got a bit of a TMI question But I really need advice because I don't want to feel like it's just me Talk to us So both times now around the one year mark with my babies My relationship with my husband hits a bit of a wobble Especially in the bedroom

We're communicating well We have regular date nights Everything seems fine But when it comes to intimacy I just get bored before I get anywhere close to a climax I love him, I fancy him I want to enjoy it and I do at first But then suddenly midway through

I'm mentally writing tomorrow's shopping list or wondering what's a pack in the kids' lunches. Please tell me it's not just me. Any advice would be so appreciated. Thanks for being my gal pals, Leah. Oh, Leah, I love you. Do you know what, right? This couldn't be any more up my street, if I'm honest with you.

Because I love Chris with my whole entire heart. I love him. I think he's attractive. Like, I never ever want to be with anybody else in my life. But the thought of having sex, oh, God, I'm so checked out. What a drag. I love him dearly. And I just, you know, I want to be in that moment.

but I just can't. It's just too much going on. It's too much going on. And I think it's really, really normal. And again, I can only speak for me, but I sometimes think, does Chris worry about this shit? And I have to sit there and go,

look, are you stressed about this? And he's like, no. And I just think that's how completely different pages that we are sat on is he's not even asked. He's not even bothered about whether we've not got dinner in or whether we've got clothes for school Is that because he's not the person that has to think about it?

Well, it's equal. We both should be thinking about it, shouldn't we? Is he the one that does it? Do you know what I mean? Like if Stefan's not thinking about what we're going to have for dinner, ultimately I'll be figuring out what we're going to have for dinner. That's why he's not thinking about it. I just don't know. Is it one of his jobs that he just doesn't think of it?

That's why it's not, yeah, like you said, not on his radar. I don't know, but I, for me personally, and I know there'll maybe be other people that can speak on this topic differently to me. But me personally, I feel like it's very normal. You couldn't, you could have writ that my, writ that yourself for me. Yeah. It's not that I don't want to be with him. It's not that I don't love it. I just don't know.

I just, it's a lot of time. I think this is really, and then I've got a shower and. Yeah, there's always something else to do. I think this is really common and it really shows how big the mental load is. You are always thinking about what needs to be done or the next day or what hasn't been done. Have I made the lunchbox? Did I turn the tumble drawer?

If I have left the light on. You know, it's everything. It all runs through my head. Like, we get into bed at night time, right? Yeah. And I, we put a film on. I can guarantee within seconds Chris is fast asleep and snoring. I say to them, I don't know why I'm looking for a film.

But I'm still, I'm two hours deep into bed and I'm still scrolling through as to what I've got. I'm writing a list. I'm ticking off what I've done. Then I just never, it just never, my brain just never clocks off. And then I get up for five o'clock while everyone's still in bed and we get going. Crack on with your to-do list. Yeah. I'm like that every time.

I mean, whether you're out of the do-do list. having sex or whatever you're doing, trying to go to sleep. Like, I know I'm so tired. But when I lay in bed at the end of the night, I can't fall asleep straight away because then my mind is like, thinking of all these million and one things that I've got to do. Yeah. It just, yeah, I think it's...

Maybe could you treat yourself? I know, obviously, it's really hard and it's probably easy for me to say. But maybe plan a night away. Yeah, if you could get away from... If you could get away from... Then you could fully focus on that moment. Yeah, on you two in the moment. Yeah.

And it may not be that it happens every single day, but you might be able to have like a night away somewhere where even if you don't have sex, just to have that interaction with just each other to try and have a glass of wine, maybe just chill or relax. Yeah. Even just sit in a room where you don't have to think about any house noise

or the babies. You know, sometimes when I'm in the house, I think, God, there's so much house noise as to like, I feel like the walls are talking to me, you know, and scream, don't forget to do it. Yeah, maybe if you can like remove, Yeah, remove yourself from the situation to see if you can let that, let that go a little bit and try and enjoy yourself and be at one with each other.

Yeah, it is tough though. I think that's probably probably really normal and I don't want you to feel alone because I'm definitely right there with you, girly. I bet there are loads of people that relate to that. But please also, yeah, don't put too much stress on yourself. It is very, very normal. That as well, I think the more you stress about it, the worse is going to get. So like, as hard as it is, just try not to overthink it.

Yeah. You're doing so much. I think you're just fine as you are and we're all, I mean, I'm there with you. Sex as a chore. I mean, I'd rather mop the floors down. It's another thing for the to-do list, isn't it? To be honest with you.

Yeah. I'll put you right at the end, Chrissy. He's been there for two years, bless us up. Just keeps waiting to get up. No, sorry, now we've moved out. But thank you very much, Leone. We hope you're well. Big love to you, my darling.

Okay, let's have secret number two. All right. Hi, ladies. I'm just after some advice about how to deal with my seven-year-old daughter's attitude. She's my youngest. I've also got a 14 year old and an 11 year old and honestly the youngest has been the most challenging. So the other night it was 945 and I was shattered ready for bed. She didn't want to go. I told her to read or do some colouring until she felt tired and she turned to me and said no, I'm going downstairs to watch TV. I can do what I want. I want to watch YouTube. I told her if she went downstairs she'd be grounded. She said, I don't care, ground me then and off she went. March downstairs, plonked herself on the sofa and turned the telly on like it was nothing. I was gobbled. I was gobbled. smacked I didn't want to lose it but I was furious I took the remote and told her to get her butt

to bed the problem is she doesn't care if I take things away I just don't know how to get through to her any advice would be so appreciated love you guys please keep the episodes coming Suzanne oh Suzanne God bless you this one is a toughie because I feel like a little Miss Dot is seven so same as

your daughter she's going to be seven in a couple of days but she is definitely one that pushes the boundaries the boys are way more laid back even like between the different between rennie and colby Colby is way more Colby would never

never want to say the wrong thing do anything bad be caught in trouble nothing whereas dots she that girl does not give a shit shouldn't give a shit do it I don't care and I'm like how do you

I pick a pardon how do you deal with that I said that to me I'd shit my pants yeah how I get past that I have removed things and I know I know

Suzanne is saying that she hasn't she removes things and she doesn't care sometimes I felt and like I always say when I butt heads with any of the children I get the same outcome as whether I stay calm or whether I get angry so I sometimes feel like there's no point to dressing me out something that works with Dottie is silent treatment and that's I'm not saying I'm that's the best thing I can do but sometimes if I go silent because it's so not me to not talk actually really scares her more not my god this is painting out to be like it's really bad and I'm not out to scare her or make her worry but I sometimes feel like and then she

come to me and be like you're you're not talking to me or I'm talking to you and you're not saying anything back and I just said to her until we can meet a mutual ground and we can be friends I can't I've got nothing to say I don't have anything to say to you and then again she'll walk away and come back and she's like you still haven't said anything to me and I said because you didn't talk to me very nicely so I don't know how we can talk unless we're going to talk nice and we can have a good one or two a week where I have to just not say anything. And I think she finds that more scary because sometimes I'm like, don't you talk to me like, don't you talk to me like that? Like, who do you think you are in this house under this roof, you know, as you would do to if it was

your friend talking to you like that. You just wouldn't tolerate your friend talking like that. And you have the same reaction when they're talking to you like that. And you just want to be like, fuck. Yeah. You want to get really fucking angry. But you can't obviously because they're still processing and everything. Yeah. Also, the hard thing for Suzanne is that she has two older siblings, that if the older siblings are testing boundaries or they're doing anything, I wonder if she's kind of copying them. She's going to pick up on that. She is going to pick up on that. So I don't know if there is two, YouTube in my house is banned. Is it?

With that when, about a year or two ago, I cannot do YouTube. How do you get them to not look at it? I delete the app off the telly. Okay. And they don't have it. It's blocked on their tablets. I don't have that. I don't have that. We limit screen time. The screen time blocks out. The tablets turn off when their screen time is over. Yeah. And I know,

I know that's really harsh, but I feel like I need them to understand that I'm only doing it for their benefit. I think the screen time thing is really scary. Like, you know, when my kids get older, if they say like they're going to their bedroom, but they're going to spend all night on their phones or their tablets. Like, I'm going to have to do something like all the tablets and phones

to stay downstairs in the evening. Maybe Suzanne could delete YouTube off the TV as well. Or hide the remote controls. At night time, I do hide the teleboxes because otherwise when they go downstairs now, they turn the, one turns the lounge on and one turn to the kitchen on. And I've got both tellies going and it's right above Rennie. So I can't, I panic and I'm like, oh, I'll just put them away. But they tend to bring their tablets downstairs.

But things like, oh, if we're having a moment, because at where it's been the school holidays, we've had nights where I'm unbelievably tired. Chris is already asleep. And sometimes I just jump into bed with Dart and I just lie there with her. And I think sometimes her brain is so much more active. than Colby and Renleys like she is such a phenomenal imaginary player like she does she plays so incredibly well that I sometimes think her mind really runs away with her she overthinks things so sometimes if it's a late night and she's not going to sleep I'm like do you want me to lie in with you

yeah and we're just talk and then I'd be like right okay it's mommy's turn now to go to bed do you you think you're going to be okay so it's just finding a mutual ground that works for the both of you and it does take a few trying different things because that approach with Dotty doesn't work with Colby. He's like, get the fuck up my bed. Depends on the child. Yeah. Yeah. And he, if you say to Colby, just lie there and close your eyes. He'll go, okay then. Where's her? She's like, now I'm going downstairs for a bottle of cereal. Do you think I could turn the grill on? No, don't turn the grill on. You know? Having them out in like an open bed absolutely terrifies me because if Joseph was in an open bed now, he would just get out and like come downstairs and

help himself to stuff and do what you wanted. Like I've still got him trapped in the cot bed and I am not willing to let him out. Again, you have to find what works for you. do when they're bigger and they can literally just get up and do what they like? They don't go downstairs because the lights are off. Now we're in a house, they don't go downstairs until they can hear somebody. They have their little tablets in the morning that are from six o'clock. So when they wake up, which is nine times out of ten, it's after six o'clock at the moment, they'll have a little bit of tablet or they put the tablet on.

But nine times, again, I keep saying that, but she'll check if Colby's awake. If he isn't awake, she goes back to her bedroom. If she can't see me or Chris out of our bed, she'll check Colby's. If Colby's awake, then they go downstairs together. the most they're going to make is a bowl of cereals. God, that terrifies me that they can just be... Yeah, but you'll get there. It's gradual.

It's not just overnight. And he's like, all right, anyone for a fry up? I've got the kettle. Do you think you bring me a cup of tea in the morning? Roxanne's now do though. No. They toast her a pan of chocolate. She has breakfast in bed every day.

Well, she has in the holidays. I've been jealous. Every time I face-time her in the morning, I'm like, what have you got for a girl? Tobias makes her a cup of tea. Yeah. Yeah. So I just think it's definitely trial and error.

I don't think, for me personally, button heads with her or a negative with a negative like a negative reaction to her her negative if she's being negative sometimes I think for me personally being negative back yeah doesn't cause it's hell of fire yeah have to either go quiet and walk away to which she's like oh what yeah yeah or just change her approach a little bit if she's not feeling very tired should we have a quick snuggling mummy yeah rather than go downstairs and put a YouTube on yeah yeah jump into bed with you and we can talk about our day and then we get into bed and we talk about the day and if there's anything that's happened that we want to talk about if she was having

big feelings or if she was having a really good day but that's only me me personally it's hard isn't it if anyone can share any advice for suzanne that would be wonderful yeah because it is it is a tough one and we are all in this together so yeah we'd love to hear if you have any advice yeah thank you suzanne thank you susan sending you all the love and all the world right let's have our last secret okay this one says hi love I had to pause listening to the Hairy Volvo episode. I was in Stitchy's laughing. I've got a wee boy who's nearly two and he comes out with some absolute crackers.

He's obsessed with skunks, but instead of shouting, run skunk, he runs around yelling, run cocks. Even better when he says, stinky skunks, yep, stinky cox. Then there's his obsession with cocktail sausages. He opens the fridge and asks for what he thinks is baby sausages, but instead he shouts, baby jizz. I had a friend around the other day and he's yelling, more baby jiz, Mama.

I was mortified. And last one, he loves Olaf from Frozen. Oh, so does Jojo. Plays with the Tony Box all the time. But does he call him Olaf? No, he calls him the fuff man. Honestly, I struggle to keep his straight face with him every day.

I've got another little one now. And baby number three is due in January. So soon I'll have three under three. Wow. Wow. Wow. Probably singing frozen songs all Christmas about the fuff man. Wish me luck, lots of love, a crazy mama, Lonte. Oh my goodness, congratulations.

Lante, you're going to have a... Three babies under three. Oh, wow. Wow. That is... Baby Jizz killed me. That put you. It sent me over the edge.

More baby jizz, mama. Because it's baby sausages. Jizz. Sossages. Yeah, so he said baby jiz. I thought when she said she was going to say, stinky skunks I thought it was going to be

I thought skunks was going to be something worse which is what I was trying on to say stinky skunks skunks skunk you know where I was going with that I know where you're going with that that's where my mind went as well I was like thank God it's only cocks

oh my gosh what a legend oh that has made my day what a do they do come out with the best things they do come out with the best things And the fuff man. Lonti, you're a woman after my heart. Holy moly, three babies under three.

I know. That's phenomenal. Go you. Thank you so much. That's honestly made my day. And we're sending you all the luck and a very healthy, wonderful pregnancy and all the love to you. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok. Instagram. Have you got baby jizz in the fridge? Or are you singing songs about the fuffman? Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.