Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Great Summer Clear Out

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

Sophiena is fully embracing her summer clear-out era, from sorting wardrobes and passing on hand-me-downs to banning anyone from using her freshly cleaned oven. Plus, Auntie Beth returns with an update that has the ladies fired up all over again, and one listener worries that her three-year-old's normal toddler behaviour is being treated like a bigger problem than it really is.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. I felt like a newsreader then saying that intro because Emma's... That felt very urgent. On a TV. It's because I just keep waffling. Anywho, this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere.

A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly.

All secrets are welcome in the secret mum club. That intro was very animated today. It just felt very like sudden because we were in the middle of talking about Culture Corner. We were talking about all the TV shows we've been enjoying on television. Yes. You suddenly launched into, hello, this is the secret mum club. I'm Safina. Well, we're just, we're fine on time.

We're fine on time. We need to get on with this, even though we've just had a half an hour conversation about the Kylie documentary. I know, yeah, we were talking about the Kylie documentary. We were talking about a lot of things. There's a lot of things. Obviously, we had a conversation last week about McKenzie Shurilla. The crash. The crash.

A lot has transpired from that. I feel like, have we had any responses back to that, Maz? No. Well, I think we had to chop a big section of it out because it was probably libelous. Liable? Liable. Like, we could probably get sued because we were casting a lot of aspersions about McKenzie.

We won't talk about that anymore then. No, so we won't talk about any legal cases. Apparently the Kylie documentary, you've been watching the long walk on Amazon Prime I've been watching Tiptoe on Channel 4. That's Culture Corner this week. I'm watching Halfman on BBCI player. And last night I watched The Long Walk. Actually, a lot of people did message me about The Long Walk

and say it's a fantastic film. It's not for the faint-hearted. It was very... Graphic? A little bit, yeah. Very, very, very graphic. But actually, phenomenal film was really good. Yes, I've heard it's really good.

But I just, I haven't really got capacity to deal with, like, brutal violence anymore. Okay, I wouldn't watch that then. But I had to listen to the... last 25 minutes through Chris snoring insanely loud to which then when I turned the telly off he went well that was a good film wasn't it? You don't actually know who won the walk so catch up on that today while I'm here but yeah anywho how's your week been? Well do you know what I've had it I had a bit of an epiphany this week. Did you? It was quite it was yeah it was quite a big one I was going to save it for a secret before actually

I don't know I don't want to make a big deal out of it but um I basically, I was late on my period. And I thought my period since they came back after Sadie of being like regular as clockwork. Like every 28 days, bam, there it is. But I was like a week late on my period. And I was working from home doing the news one day last week. And I was like, just couldn't concentrate. Because I was like, have I not come on my period yet?

So weird. And Stefan came home and I was like, you know, I'm a week late on my period. It's so weird. Like this never happens now. Did he, Miss Rabbit has fainted. Miss Rabbit has fainted again. Yeah. He came home with the kids and I was like, walked through the door.

I was like, bam, we've got some news for you. And we were both a bit like, oh, shit. Like the realization that I could be pregnant. Because obviously that's where your brain goes. Of course it does. I think we were both like, oh no, actually. Like this isn't good news. this isn't what we want

and I was like for the first time if I do a pregnancy test it'll be the first time I'll be hoping for it to come up negative and if it came up positive I would be like shit what am I going to do now because that would put me in a situation

where I had to decide something pretty major so I was like oh I'm going to have to go out and get some pregnancy sets but we don't live near any shops really now so I was like oh I'll get through the end of my shift and then we'll just like, you know, we'll just sort out of the end of the day. And then I was just sitting here a bit later on and I was like, oh, great.

No, there it is. I ran to tell Stefan, I was like, don't worry, I've just come on my period. Oh, few. Great. Like the best news. Honestly, I've never been so relieved to get my period. Oh. And I was like, do you know what?

I think this little episode tells us. I'm actually really glad because I think it's answered a few questions for us. You were sitting on the fence on baby number three? I don't think we want another baby. And I feel like, please that we've basically come to the realisation. And I think it took that for us to decide. Like we've always just been a bit like, oh, I don't know, maybe. Like, never say never, maybe further down the line.

And I think the sheer panic that was struck into both of us told us a lot. Oh. I don't think we want another baby. I think we're just going to be a family of four. Oh, you're so happy about that. It's, yeah, I was like, thanks for deciding that for me late period. Yeah, maybe it was a test. I think it was.

I think I needed that to like to know, you know. Yes. No, you know. To know, you know. Although I do feel quite sad though. Do you? I don't think I can literally say never again. For you or me?

For me. It literally breaks my heart to even say, obviously we are, we are done at a family of five. But I just feel like, but if... Yeah. If you had that situation where you were like, oh shit, my period's late and you did a pregnancy test, you'd be like, oh my God, yes. Would you be like secretly, you'd be happy, right? Oh, 100%.

There would be no question. I would be absolutely thrilled and over the moon. Yeah. But yeah, I don't think there's any doubt in my, you know, in my head. Like if it was... I think if I was late on my period and it said negative, I think I would be sad. You'd be a little bit disappointed. Whereas I was like the only emotion I would feel right now is relief.

Yes. And I was like, wow, I feel like. It's solidified your answer. I feel liberated to know now. Like, we're destined to be a family of four. And I've thought about it. Like, I do, I think about it quite a lot because I just get spammed, literally spanned with propaganda. Like if you saw my FYP on Instagram, I mean,

Instagram knows what it's doing. I get so much content about growing families and third babies and it's actually crazy how much is on there. And I can literally finish like a doom scrolling session either being like, oh my God, I really want to have another baby or I don't want to have another baby. That's not for me. Like that's how powerful social media can be. Yeah. I can literally change my mind on the topic. Yeah. So for something this like tangible to happen in real life, I was like, wow. Yeah, no, I feel, I feel like clarity on it now. And so now when I get the third baby stuff on Instagram, I'm like, fuck off. That's not for me. The algorithms need to update themselves. The algorithm needs to be changing because that's not where we're at.

It's not where we're at, honey. Does Stefan still feel the same then? Does he feel the same? Have you had that chat? Oh my God. I think he was more like, he was more worried than me. I was like, oh, well, just like, let the day play out and see whether, whether I do come on my period. I think he was a bit like, he was like panic stricken. He was like, no, not at all ready for it. Like, no, just no. He was like, I saw the fear in that man's eyes and I just knew this is not a man who wants three kids. Do you think it's a never or do you think it's just a not a right now?

Like, do you think you'd like to wait to the other two are bigger or do you just think that's it you're done? I mean, obviously, like, lows can change. Cool. And I think, you know, you say never say never, but I'm pretty sure it's never. Okay. I'm pretty sure it's never. And then we had a conversation about it later that day.

And I was like, I think we've both just been holding on to this three kids thing because we're both one of three. And we really love that dynamic. And we're both the youngest of three. We've both got two older sisters. We're still really close to our siblings. We've had a great time growing up. So I think we kind of just loved, we loved the idea of it more than we actually. loved the practicalities of it and the reality of it. And I think actually when I think about

being pregnant again, even birth again, and going back through all the baby stages again and the sleepless nights again and just even the things that just come with being a family of five. And like I just I don't think that's for us. I think three is a lovely dynamic, but I just don't see it being for us. And I think me and particularly like my personality type. I just think I'm ready to have like, I just think I'm ready to have older kids that are just a bit more self-sufficient and a bit independent and can

take themselves to the toilet and like just the things that you can do change as the kids get older and I think I'm seeing it getting a little bit easier now. I think when you only have two like they could just be you know, hopefully this you'll get on and they can just be the best of friends yeah and they can just be you know together I see them at their relationship like developing really nicely now. So hopefully they'll just be like Bezies forever. The only thing I do think, which pulls me back, and this is really morbid, but I think if something happens to one

of them, I wouldn't want the other one to be left on their own. That's the only thing. But that's a very morbid thought that we don't really like to entertain. No. So there you have it. So that was my week. Wow. Holy smokes. I know. I thought, I didn't know where we were going to go with that then. I was buckled up. I think it was a pregnancy enough. I don't know what I was expected. I was just like, Where are we going with this? God, imagine I just dropped it in on the weekly catch-up. That would be so lucky. That would be absolutely phenomenal.

It's so hard, isn't it? It's so hard to say, that's me. That's us done. Yeah, it is hard to say that. I would just be so unwell. I'd be so poorly with having a baby again. And it just wouldn't be fair. One wouldn't be fair on the baby

and all the stress that my body can potentially cause the baby. And then it's also not fair on the other one, the other children because I would have to have a lot of hospital monitoring and it adds a lot of stress to the family dynamic and a lot of pressure on Chris and the babies and I don't want to scare them and also ultimately I don't even like to say I have to be selfish and think of myself in that it's going to make me really unwell so yeah unfortunately as horrible as it is to say it I think we'll only have three babies but you know my heart

we'll go on we'll go on I can't say it or will make me cry too much how's your week being no pregnancy scares no no I what have I actually done this week I've just caught up on housework

because the babies have gone back to school haven't they so it's been our first week back at school so it's more just trying to get on top of the housework. I cleaned the oven the other day. I'm very much in my garden era. It's raining. I did decide to put my gazabo up the other day to put my barbecue on because I was like, I'll be damned if I'm in June now and I'm fucking cooking inside. So out of principle for me not to cook inside, I clean my oven and I've said, the oven is offbound. So I spent two hours cleaning my oven. And I've said, don't cook anything in there. When you clean it, you mean it literally

can't get used until like September. Yeah, till Christmas. Until Christmas dinner. We've got the Ninja Pizza oven outside, which also I do cook fish on that outside under the gazabo because I can't do with fish smelling in the house. So I cook all my salmon and stuff out in the garden in the ninja oven. So I cook that out there. If I do burgers or anything like that, just pop them on the barbecue.

Fire up the barbecue. We're having marshmallow smores. We're having smores, marshmallow skewers. Pretty much every night. It's becoming... In the rain. Under the gazabo. I put the gasbo up at the back door because it's still hot.

It's still... It's close, as my parents would say. It's very close. Very much. It's getting me a little bit. So we're all still out in the garden because even though it's absolutely hoonium with rain, it's still lovely and warm. Yeah.

So we're still having dinner outside, just not at the garden table we are eating dinner inside. Yeah. Cooking outside is sensible because it just, it avoids a lot of those smells and a lot of of that cleaning up. I get a bit like that when I clean like anything in the house. If anyone dares to walk through the house again, I'm like, don't you know, I've just cleaned in here? I spent three hours cleaning yesterday, three toilets. And then as soon as someone comes in and wants a wee, I'm like, I'll clean those bloody toilets. Put some bleach down that and wipe the seat down when you're finished. We still need somewhere to poo. So that's it. That's

all I've been doing. I've just been getting up on the housework. I've retired my coffee machine up into the loft. And I've put the ninja slushie. But the ninja slushy and replace. So we've now got slushies on tap. We've got an ice cream machine, a gourmet, which is a soft scoop ice cream. So we can have slushies and ice creams. Bloody, that was like a fair ground around yours at summer. Honestly, I expect no one to be in the house in the summer months. Only to sleep. Maybe not even to sleep. Not even to sleep. I'm putting a tent up in the garden. Stay out there. Poo out there if you have to. Redley's already pooed in the house. I was in the pool if you have to. I did. Where it's been raining, though,

I did take the opportunity to empty the pee pee pee pool. because that was getting murky as far. It was so much urine in there. I've emptied that out, giving it a scrub down, put it up on its side. Also, it's only been up for a week. We've got a light patch of grass already in the garden. So we're just going to air that out, give it a little bit of time to grow back. It does wreck your lawn, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does wreck your lawn. So, yeah, it's just been a week of just getting shit done. Yeah, just getting shit sorted out. Check it, chuck it, fuck it. I feel like I'm coming around to my summer. I've got to get ready for the July clear out, because I've got to have a clear out, before birthdays. So I have a July clear-out

when it's the end of school. We sought out getting rid of old school uniform. We start buying new school uniform. We get into the swing of summer wardrobes, getting out winter clothes. I have a good declutter of the house come July time because one, their birthdays come and also they start school in September.

So, yeah, it's coming around to that time of the year. I feel like I get the itch. It's like an itch that comes round every six months. I do a clear out November and a clear out in July. It's the best thing in the world. No cluck up. I do love it, but mine's just like random. In fact, my algorithm just served me this real.

And I was like, this is so on point. It was like, mum's on a random Tuesday. And it's just mum collecting up all this shit. She's like, there's so much shit in here. It's all got to go. She's like, I'm getting rid of all the mugs. You can have one designated mug each. I'll just get like on a random day.

I'll get the urge. And it has to happen immediately when I get that feeling. We've got to have a spring clean. Got have a massive clear out. I'm cleaning everything. Get all this shit out of my house. But you never know when it's going to come. You never know when it's going to come round.

I've done the utility room in the kitchen. And I plan on doing the baby's bedrooms over the next week. Yes, I've got to do a turnover of Sadie's clothes actually today. And I'm really excited for it. It's really nice. And also we have, I have somewhere that I can, because my friends had a baby, but her baby is only six months. But I now am just donating all my clothes.

I'm like, here's a whole Zara wardrobe for when he's. He's one to one and a half. Have her whole lot because it doesn't fit enough. Honestly, what a gift? Renly's three to four now. So I'm literally, we're moving from two to three now to three to four. So I'm already bagged up his two to three stuff. Also, trousers, because now he's living in shorts.

He loves himself a pair of shorts, Renner's. So I've bagged up all the trousers. I said to her, hope you're ready for the next lot. Honestly, Sadie's barely in a two to three. Oh, Reners is a big boy. He's a big lad. I'm donating on to all my friends' babies, which is lovely.

They've got three, three of my best friends have had three little girls. Oh. But I'm trying to, they're various ages. So like one's just been born. One's like a year.

One's like something between naught and a year. But now I'm trying to work out, okay, I said, anyone needs some clothes. They were like, yeah, we'd really love your hand me down. It's really, really grateful.

Thanks very much. But now I'm like, I've now got to work out what of Sades is going to fit what baby at what season of the year. Yes. You know, there's no point in giving the.

the summer baby a six month old summer outfits it's going to be December yes I've got to work that out today times three so that's a lot isn't it yeah it's a lot to process but lovely to know that they're being some stuff as sadis it's still got the labels in yeah so it's lovely to know that they're being used reused yes recycled that's yes it's always good reuse recycled it's always good when you can pass it on to somebody else isn't it yes I love knowing that they're getting an extra life Do you know, the only one that I can't re-donate clothes on is Dotty's. I can't. Like so, I'm so wild.

I can't hand me down. Just because she literally, when I tell you that girl, L-I-V-I-N, she is living every single day. And she wears clothing to an inch of its life. She's like, no, you can't get rid of that. And she loves it, keeps hold of it. Or she's like, oh, I'm making this one a P-E-T shirt now because it's getting a little bit old. the amount of tops that she has for the garden that are covered in mud, paint, pen, glue, hot glue gun.

She literally wears all her clothes become like garden clothes or crafting clothes because she's always doing something. She's always crafting or she's outside in the mud or she's going through, like her clothes, when I tell you, our best clothes are so few and far between that there's like a tiny segment of her wardrobe. Everything else, she calls them her play clothes.

and they are just play clothes whereas Colby his stuff we are able to donate his on but also Colby's is hard because his is he's wearing all like Nike or Adidas so I'm like oh I don't want that to

go to waste although my guilty pleasure as I just say to my sister here is a bag of clothes do you want them and she goes yeah she doesn't have a child that can wear them yeah I was going to say why who she putting them on? She makes herself some money on Vinted

I haven't got the time I haven't got the time to do it I always say to it. Do you want this for your vinted to sell to your friends? And I just give it all to my sister. And my sister's always like, do you want the, no, I just, as long as it, I'm giving it to her for her to then make herself earn a little bit of money. Yeah. And then you know it's going on to have another life, which is a nice feeling. I keep thinking I should be like a vinted entrepreneur. I can't. I cannot just be asked with the admin. Also, there aren't there people that go around to like charity shops and they find stuff in charity shops and then go home and sell it on Vinted?

Which is a good business to be fair. Like if you can find stuff that people want to pay money for, like good for you. I thought it was illegal. No, I think you can. If you own it, you can sell it. Oh, go for it. But, like, I've got like a brand new pair of baby crocs that I got Sadie last summer, which are teeny tiny, like a size three or four bubble gum pink crocs.

She probably wore them once or twice. They're like 35 quid. Can I be asked to sell them on Vinted? No, I can't. You need to ask James and Roxanne. They got Vinted down to a tea. Colby's old football boots Some of his football boots

We tend to donate down at We've got like a football centre Where Colby Colby goes to football Sometimes, yeah, have a match down there But they've got a bucket of like Football boots So I either donate them into there

Or if they're of a good quality I just say to us Do you want to put these on vintes Put them on vinted for your friends Sell them for me She does everything She's done Push chairs, baby stuff

Car seats, clothes she does it all. As long as you can make yourself some money, honey, you go. You go. You go for Glenn Coco. For for you, Glenn Coco. Four for you, Glenn Coco. I just shut my script.

Sorry about that. But anyhow, that's where we're at. Sort it. Check it, bin, it, chuck it, fuck it. That's where I'm out. Check it being it. Chuck it, fuck it. What was that tune?

Duff punk. Duff-Pumatic. Oh, you're thinking of something else. We were doing harder, better, faster, stronger, weren't we? Harder, better, faster, stronger. Harder, better, faster, stronger. That that don't kill me can only make me stronger. I thought that was Justin Timberlake.

Duff Punk, isn't it? It's kind. Duff punk, remix by Kanye. No, no, that don't. Anywho, Emma and I would really love to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about,

or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram just search for Secret MumPod or you can email us hello at secret mumpod.com. Right, are you ready? It's time for another. Correspondence, Coroner. Sorry, I think that was painful.

You were... Oh, Emma, let's hear it, honey. Okay, we've heard back from Auntie Beth. Hello, Auntie Beth. So she got in touch after her. partner's family wouldn't call her an auntie to her partner's brother's baby. Yes. Remember this? Yes. This one made us actually, I think this one made me quite angry, didn't it? Yeah, it did. Yeah. She says, hi, lovelies. Firstly, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who got in touch after my story about not being Auntie Beth.

Genuinely, your message has brought a tear to my eye and made me feel so much better. So thank you all. Baby Izzy was born at the start of March, 10 pounds. Whoa. Go on, girly. Big girl. We went to see her and had some photos taken with the baby. Shortly afterwards, my partner's parents came to visit and his mum asked if I could send her the photos. When she saw mine with Izzy, she said, oh look, you're wearing the same colour top as the baby. But when she saw my partner's photos, she said, oh, there's uncle. I mentioned this to my partner who said he hadn't heard it and tried to reassure me, but I think it's becoming quite clear this will be a recurring theme moving forward. It's making me feel a bit of dread when I know everyone's

getting together because I just know I'll end up feeling left out. I don't know whether I should making passive aggressive comments like Auntie Beth's here too or just leave it thoughts would really be appreciated once again thank you for your help hearing you talk about this with such passion really made me feel like I wasn't alone

and that my feelings are valid lots of love Beth Beth honey throw in all the passive aggressive I would like hiya I would say oh sorry you want the photo of Auntie Beth and Izzy off yeah I'll send that to you

oh look at me we're in the same top Auntie Beth knows her shit Auntie and Izzy are winning. Auntie and Izzy girlies. I mean it's stuff like that. Like is she, you know, her partner's like, oh, I didn't hear it like that. And I'm like, I don't know.

I think that sounds like maybe they're doing it on purpose. Yeah. Because he doesn't want you to be angry at his mom, does he? Yeah. He's going to try and balance the books, isn't he? He doesn't, he's going to pretend he didn't hear it. But also he knows his mum has said it, but he doesn't want to upset his mom. At the end of the day, I can't get over the fact that if there,

get married, she is going to be auntie, regardless, it will be on paper. They're going to be auntie and uncle. They've been together so long now. I don't know what the issue is. I don't know why there is so much around not saying auntie. Just because they aren't married, is that the only reason we're not going to do it. But they have a loving relationship, a beautiful home and a life together. like that's like me and Chris we're not married are we ever going to get married probably not still doesn't

disregard Chris he's still Uncle Chris to all four of my sister's babies he is Uncle Chris my sister and people find it strange because I I've said this to you before as well because you refer to your mum and dad as Stephen Nick but I am like if I'm talking to the children or if I'm talking to my sister

and in mid-conversation I refer to my sister as auntie, she is auntie. And then if I'm referring to my brother's wife, that's Auntie Amy, Uncle Richie, when I'm talking about the loved ones in their life, I refer to them as auntie and uncle. I don't just go, oh, well, we'll just go to Richie, or let's pop to Roxanne's. It's or Auntie Amy's or Uncle Richie, Uncle Jammies. They call Chris, who we aren't, we aren't married, call him Uncle Chris. Yeah. I think that was one of the reasons why Beth said in her original message was that they were like, oh, if you were married, you would be known as Auntie Beth. So it's just that that's holding them back, which is so, I mean, it's so old school,

isn't it? What does marriage really count for these days? Like you say, you can be in just as meaningful, loving relationship, whether you're married or not. So that to me is. And it's the same respect as if there is people, i.e., my brother and his wife, aren't, well, I say they're not having children or they've decided not to have children, whether they change their minds later down the line. But right now, they don't want to have children. And we as a family will respect their decision, whatever, whatever their decision may be, and that be the choice that they are choosing, whether it's for right now or for forever, that is their choice is to not have children. Also, our choices, not that we're not going to get married. We may get married one day. Is it on the top of my priority list? Absolutely

not. It's right at the bottom. I've got way more things in. front of that before I think about getting married may pop to the registry office but that still has to be in both respects respected they both warrant the same respect and it's someone's choice they aren't married but that doesn't mean you disregard her being auntie because I'm sure as hell when she offers to look after the baby or the sister comes to you and says oh do you mind having the baby today is he I've got to go here here or here and you say yeah I'll have the baby for the day. What are we going to do disregard her then? He just go, oh, well, Beth just had the baby. You know, what is Beth? Beth is her auntie. Yeah, and it's not like she's just like a girlfriend

that's just coming to the family. Like, I do think if you've just started going out with someone, you're probably not suddenly going to put the title, Auntie or Uncle on them. Like, but they've been in a long relationship. She's part of the family. She knows the family. I don't know why they can't just get on with it. So I think drop all the passive aggressive hints in that you want to, Beth. Just keep mentioning it. I just think it deserves a little bit more. respect and it's hard isn't it maybe the conversation maybe you need to really stress to your partner and say look I don't just want to be Beth I want to be a part of Izzy's life I want to be auntie you know I want to be everything that includes an auntie having days out being involved

in her life you clearly from what I can gauge from this want to be a part of that baby's life and if you're explaining that to your partner and just say look I feel like there's been a couple of where this has happened, where I'm being disregarded as auntie, I would really like to be referred to as Auntie Beth, just like you are referred to his uncle. And alliterate that with him. If nothing, or he maybe brushes it under the carpet, I don't know to protect his mum or his family,

then passive aggressive it. Yeah. Yeah. Auntie Beth has arrived in the house. Here comes Auntie. That would be me every second. Sorry, do I want a drink? Yeah.

Aunt Beth would like a drink. Yeah, even when the baby's not there. Burger for Auntie Beth. Antibeth. Let Auntie Beth change your butt. I would. Everything. When you answer the phone.

Hello, Auntie Beth speaking. Hello, Auntie Beth to Izzy. Hiya. Sorry, you're the milkman. Okay, not so worried. Or just sign off your text messages to her. Love, Auntie Beth. Auntie Beth.

Yeah. Perfect. I would get very childish about it. But the topic still, it's still very much, I'm passionate about it, Beth. I'm sorry. But yeah, please do you keep sharing your thoughts and stories on that one because thoughts and stories, experiences, apologies, because we love to share them on.

And help all the girlies out. We're all in this together. Emma's nodding, but you can't see her nodding. But when this actually gets edited on YouTube, you will see her. Yes, you will. I was agreeing silently. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous.

Because remember, between us, we've probably heard it all before. And? And we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars. And we see that. Why the fucking hell? That was so, I felt like a robot then.

I was trying to sing ahead of you to account for any delay. I was trying to slow down. It just sounded mental. I think I sped up and you slowed down and it didn't probably work out. I was just trying to stay in tune with you. In tune. I'm not in tune in time. In time.

Step in time. Welcome back. We've got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, taking away, honey. Okay, guess who's been back in touch? Oh, shit. It's belly button Josh. Belly button Josh.

I remember Josh, but why belly button Josh? Do you not remember belly button Josh? Josh wrote in with asking ways to bond with his unborn baby. Yeah. Why was he belly button, Josh? Didn't he ask how to pick a belly button? Maz's nodding at me. She said yes.

But he asked, can you pick up if it's an in or an outy? Oh, yes. Which led us on to lots of belly button chat. Okay, belly button. Sorry about her, Josh. That's how he would like to be known from now on. I forgot there were two correspondences. Anyway, he says, hi ladies.

Hello, Josh. The countdown to the third trimester is officially on and we're still super nervous and excited to meet our baby girl. We're in the process of buying loads of things and we were wondering if you could recommend any good toys for babies that help with development. Also, are there any baby clubs, parenting groups or activity classes for new and expectant parents you've been to that you think are worth trying? We'd love to meet other parents but we're not really sure where to start. Thanks, Josh.

Josh. I think we said toys last time, did we? Did we say the black and white toys? You can get like soft books, can you? I don't know if that was Josh or someone else. I feel like it was maybe Josh. We were talking about, yeah, like the soft books and the really bold prints, like the black and white things.

The only bit of advice that I can give you and I don't want to be a, I don't want to be the fun police. But when you, it can be quite overwhelming at the start. So I personally would say things like toys, don't worry too much about them right at the very start. I feel like sometimes you need to get into the swing of things and into the flow of things to know like what works for you. And I think like with Colby,

I'd bought so much right at the very start that I ended up, he hated his playmats, so I went and bought another one. He liked that for a bit and then I went and bought another one. I ended up having three playmats, four chair bounces just because, everything I had bought or what was recommended, he actually didn't like. So I think sometimes there's so much pressure on having all of this stuff. And I know there's a lot around having like the nursery

ready and everything like that. And I think if I can try and take some stress and the anxiety away from that is that you're not really in the nursery to start with. So again, don't break your, bust your balls for that. But also, I think the first easily, easily, two, three weeks, you're pretty much just going to be smooching and snuggling that baby. Yeah. And I just don't think you need the toys right at the very start. And then when you've settled in, you can go with like your black and white toys, can't you?

You know, like you get like little mirror books. If she is, some babies don't like too much sound or some babies really like white noise. So once you gauge like what a sound she likes and if she likes white noise or if she likes lights when you switch the light on in the room. There's lots of things you can gauge, like if she likes the sound of the washing machine or the hoover, there's things around the house that she'll pick up on. And if she likes the light, sometimes when babies, you turn the light in the room, the baby reacts to the light.

So when you've got a feel for how or the things that she likes, whether it's noise or lights or so forth, then you can look at like a play mat and you'll be like, oh, she loves the lights. We'll get one with lights or she really loves white noise. we'll get ones that have all of these different sounds, you know? Does that make sense? I completely agree. I think do not go overboard buying stuff at the start.

You really don't need that much stuff. We were the opposite to you with Colby with Joseph because we just moved house when I was like about to give birth. And so we hadn't bought anything. And we were relying on hand-me-downs from my sister who just had a baby. So whatever she had lying around we got. So we had like one baby-bouncer chair, which again, they don't go in that for a good couple of months,

like a play map maybe, but the only thing you're going to be doing, like you say, is holding the baby, cuddling the baby, maybe putting the baby in down in a Moses basket, or get like a sling wrap is the most, my friend who just had a baby was like,

I got such a Velcro baby, what would you recommend? Cannot recommend enough, a soft sling wrap. I had the free rider one and you can put them in there right from day one and you can get about the house and get stuff done with your hands free.

And I use that so much, especially with Sadie, because I really had a toddler to be running around after. But yeah, I think you're totally right. With toys and stuff, you just don't go crazy. You don't need too much stuff. There's just so much pressure at the start, isn't there? And there's so much on the market, like marketed towards parents who think they need this stuff.

And you actually don't really need that much. The biggest thing you can give to your baby, aside from all the smoochies and cuddles, is eye contact. Yeah. Eye contact and talk to them. That's how they learn to. Is she going to say to you? It's how they engage is just talking.

And like, I know I've had a couple of instances recently where they've been quite negative or somebody had mentioned about me talking to Renli because he didn't understand. When I tell you in the last two weeks, the boy is, like his conversation is absolutely impeccable. Like he knows everybody's names. He's associating names with pictures. And I know he's two, so that's a long way off from where you're at. But everything I've done with all three children is all. always talk to them. Even if I'm putting around their house, even if they're in the sling

while I'm doing the hoover in, just keep talking to them. The more you talk to them, the more eye contact you make, they're taking everything in from you. They're basically a little sponge and they're taking everything in. And I think sometimes it's overcomplicated about all the things that we need to occupy our baby when all our baby wants is us. All our baby wants is time and you. And I just think if you, as long as you got a bed, whether you're bottle feeding or booby feeding, not you personally, Josh, your wonderful partner, whether you're having bottles or dummies, a sling, clothes, nappies. That's pretty much the basics.

I wouldn't even at this stage, I think, you know, with Renly, I didn't have a cot, you know, he didn't have anything. He just had his chico next to me bed. And then we co-slept with him anyway. So it was the most easiest relaxed pregnancy I had. And then obviously when he was Diddy and came in. Because I just didn't have anything. Just didn't have anything or didn't want anything.

And then I moved on, found that he really loved swinging. So we bought him a little canvas swing. But you'll learn your baby and what they like. Nine times out of 10, they will fall to sleep to the Hoover or the hairdryer, the washing machine. Yeah. Also another good thing is them little white noise pods to go on to the pram. You can buy them and they clip on, don't they? Just them little rechargeable white noise pods.

We still have one of them going in Sadie's room all night every night. And if that thing runs out of battery, we're fucked. We have our, we've got our Tonys. And then it has the little sheep that does white noise on the top and really has white noise every night. So, yeah, I think try not to worry too much. You keep bonding with that baby girl and bump. You're doing fantastic, Josh, honestly. I just adore the fact that you are so, so invested in all of this.

I know. I love how much you care. I love how much. You can tell you're going to be a really good dad because you're so into it already. Yes. You can tell he's going to be such a fantastic dad. I just think, don't overcomplicate it. Just enjoy this bit of you too and grow and bump and all the feels and kicks

and all the scans and little milestones you're going through and prepare yourself for the arrival, safe arrival of your beautiful girl. And then, yeah, we can't wait to hear, we can't wait to hear how it goes, can we? Can't wait to hear news. Just quickly on, because he asked about baby groups. There is...

Oh, yes, sorry. NCT is probably the best known one, which I know, I don't think you did so, did you. I didn't go to any. I did that, but there are... It is quite expensive, so there are other ones out there now. And I do believe a lot of hospitals will run,

run free and teenage groups that you can go to. And you can find it on your local council website on the hospital, can't you?

Have a look at that because it is good for I mean, disclaimer, we're not in touch with any of ours anymore, but I know a lot of people

who that's where they found their people and now they're still friends and their kids are friends and they often go on to have a second baby at the same time as well. So it is a really good place

to meet people. I didn't go to any plants. Any classes? No breathing classes. No. I know nothing. I didn't, I didn't do anything. Not that I didn't want to meet people. I just didn't, maybe didn't think I felt confident enough to go to them, but I didn't go within all three of them.

Colby went to a, I think it's music bugs and it was just a little music class. And I met a few friends there, not that we stayed in contact now that the, you know, their personal circumstances have changed. A couple of them split up. And they've moved away. But the children have got bigger now, you know, and we haven't stayed in contact. We just went, we went a bit distant. But you can go to, like, little music groups. And when babies are a little bit bigger, they do stuff down at our YMCA, like a messy play, like afternoon, a messy play morning, you know, and things like that.

But you can find them on, like, Facebook. That's a really good place to find, like, baby groups and things like that is on Facebook. And baby massage, baby yoga, all that kind of thing. I mean, like, I didn't stay in touch with anyone from it. But to be honest, it's just a thing to do and get out of the house. It's kind of, it's kind of an hour in your day to aim to be doing something. I was going to say past the time. That's unlike I was being rude.

It's just some days is if you've had a tough night, it's the days along. Yes, yes. But yeah, thanks, Josh. We appreciate you. I'm actually loving your little updates. It brings me a lot of joy. Okay. Let's roll on to number two.

Okay, this says hello ladies. Hello honey. I wanted to write in about my three-year-old son. For the last six months or so, we've been dealing with a lot of big feelings, both at home and at daycare. I've always been someone who likes to chat, and I thought having regular conversations with his teachers showed that I valued their opinions and experience.

Unfortunately, it seems they've mistaken that friendliness for a closer relationship, because now almost every day at pick-up, I'm given a full rundown of every little thing he's done wrong. Most of it is normal three-year-old behavior, like knocking over towers, shouting, refusing to share, that sort of thing. Every time I hear about another incident, it feels like a punch to the gut. We've been working really hard on just three goals, no hitting or kicking,

no screaming when we're angry and no throwing toys. Alongside that, we're constantly encouraging him to be a good listener. It's got to the point where he's having nightmares about not being a good listener. It breaks my heart because he's such a kind, smart little boy, and I worry that all of his wonderful qualities are being overshadowed by normal toddler behaviour. Right now, I can't help feeling like his behaviour is somehow my fault and that I'm getting it all wrong. Thanks, Maddie from Indiana. Ah, Maddie.

It makes me really sad. I thought she was going to say, I'm getting a rundown of like how his wonderful day is gone and how, I just, I don't know. There is a fine line, isn't there? There's a fine line of, I can, I tend to fall into that category of being quite a talky person. So when I go to the classroom, I'm quite chatty, I'm quite friendly. I always want to talk to people like I've known them my whole entire life, whether that's two minutes in Tesco's or whether I have known you my whole entire life, I want to talk to everybody that they feel comfortable and instantly feel at ease. And I sometimes fall into that category that

then people become over-friendly. Do you know what I mean? But this one's really sad. So he is doing nothing untoward a three-year-old would be doing on a daily basis. They're feeling feelings. They're going through and having to navigate through life and try and understand things that are going on in their head that it's so confusing and so hard. But to give her a running commentary every day, I would have to say, look, I don't know when we got to be on this level.

But to me, this behaviour sounds completely normal unless he is severely hurt a child. I'm sure there's other three-year-olds in this room doing there. I don't think I need you to tell me this every single. all day. Yeah, I would say that as well. I'd have a conversation with them about like, I don't need to run down. It's too much. Unless he's causing trouble. Yeah. Or there's a real problem that you want us to work on together. I don't need this rundown every day. And it seems to me that normal toddler behaviour. Is there anything he's doing

that's like particularly concerning we need to work on? Yeah. Or yeah, or that it's dangerous for the other children. If not, like, I don't. And that can be hard, that can be hard to say. I know because I'm imagining having that conversation now with like with our nursery teachers. And I know it's awkward but I just think if it's getting you down. Yeah. And in turn is also making your little boy unhappy. He's having nightmares. About not being a good listener.

Oh, for fuck sake. I would personally go to school. I think I would initiate, sorry, kindergarten isn't it? I would initiate the conversation. I would ask to call a meeting with them and say, look, he's coming home. from school because he is concerned or having nightmares about not being a good listener. And I would lead it from that and just say, look, I'm being told repeatedly that he is this, that and the other, or he's doing this, that and the other, which I feel like it's normal for a

three-year-old boy. If there is anything that is more of a concern or something that I need to worry about or that children are, he's hurting other children or doing things that are really bad, then please do tell me. But I am asking you, I don't want to have a running commentary every day that he's throwing a towel on the floor or is refusing to share a toy. Because as much as we want children to share, if we're saying now, okay, we'll share this. You can say to them, you can either share this or we're going to have to walk away and play with something else. If you're handling

that situation, however you're handling it, and they still don't want to share, you're literally out of your depths as to what you can do. You can't forcibly take them away from the table. You can't pull their hands away from it. You can't snatch the toy away. You can have a conversation with them. But this is also very normal behaviour. It's so normal. And we're going through all of this with Joseph and he's a bit older. He's four and a half nearly. But like it's easy to feel like it's a personal failing of yours to be like, why are they like this? Why are they not doing what I say? Why are they testing me? Why are they pushing the boundaries all the time? And it can feel like it is your fault. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. They just do.

shit sometimes. A lot of the time that seems inexplicable to us as adults because our brains are fully developed but there's aren't and this is a really, really normal behaviour and that's what I have to tell myself like Joseph really really really tests us sometimes recently and like the way he is with Sadie sometimes I'm like

it makes me so mad but I'm like I know he's just doing normal four year old things and your son is doing normal three year old things but we just have to learn to deal with it because that's just the way they are they're not being naughty, they're not being bad. This is literally just their development and I know it's really, really hard day to day, but you just, you have to just get past it. And they will get over it. When their brains develop, they will get over it. All three of them, it's a shouting competition

in my house as to who can get the loudest because everyone wants to tell me why they're arguing, but they get louder and louder and louder and louder and shout above each other. And then Colby Will maybe throw a pen on the table or knock a pillow off of the sofa. He's coming up 10 because they're still trying to regulate their emotions. I get annoyed sometimes. I whack the steering wheel when someone's cut me up or if I let something out and they don't say thank you and I'm like, you know, it's a natural reaction in that moment, you know.

But to hear it every single day, day in day out, I can build a tower in the lounge of Renny's Lego. He's not coming to play with that Lego. He has made a B-line for that Lego and he waxed that tower straight down. Yeah. Colby would do it and he's 10. Oh, what I think. Yeah.

Do you know, he would also do it? Fucking Chris. He'll do it. He's 40. So I just, I think I would initiate the conversation with school and just say, look, there's been multiple conversations about how he's doing ABCDE. It's being told to me every single day, but he's actually not sleeping at home anymore. He's having nightmares.

I'm having a hard time with getting him to school. It's making him very unhappy, which also in turn hearing it every day is making me really unhappy unless there is something that is unsafe or severely concerning, then I'm asking you politely to please stop. Stop telling me. We're working on the things at home. You've brought them to my attention in the first place, which we're working on at home. There's not much more, you know, she can do in that situation. I think I would initiate the conversation because otherwise it's just going to make you, it's just going to eat away at you. And just son. It's going to make you miserable. Yeah.

Oh, good luck, Maddie. Good luck, Maddie. I'm so sorry about that, honey. Right, let's have our last secret this week. Hi, ladies. My daughter is now two, and I always describe her birth as a whirlwind because I genuinely don't remember most of it.

I was in full survival mode, and I assumed I pushed her out fairly gracefully. My husband has recently decided to fill in the gaps for me, and apparently I was not the calm, serene-birthing goddess I had imagined. According to him, I said things like, stop breathing like that, you fucking walrus. And apparently I also called him a useless, hairy man child. Fucking stop breaking me like that, you morris.

At one point, I apparently looked him dead in the eye and said, I hope you remember this every time you think you've had a hard day. The best part is he's only just felt brave enough to tell me now that she... After two years. So you just felt brave enough to tell me now that she's sleeping through the night. It turns out pushing a baby out your foo-foo can turn you into a mean girl. Love Anonymous! Anonymous!

I'm in, girl. They're all totally normal things to say to your partner. Also, I love that yours is this. I think I don't think I ever want to know. Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I'm nearly 10 years down from having Colby. I don't want to know how I was in that labour. No, thank you.

As Chris never told you? I don't think even Chris remembers. He doesn't remember what we did yesterday, let alone bloody the birth. My sister would probably tell you. I was very quiet in Renleys, I think. His just went really, really quick, and I know I was very quiet, and Roxanne has said you are very quiet. And then Dotty's, I was also very quiet, because hers went really quick.

Renly, Colby's was the one I think I was, the devil at. You fucking walrus. You're fucking hairy man child. It's funny what you remember, isn't it? Like, I remember Joseph's being like, I came out and I was like, it's such a positive experience, like, had a great time. And then, like, Stefan told me shortly afterwards. He was like, Emma, what the hell?

It was like an emergency C-section situation. It was literally so stressful. He was like, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was panicking. Couldn't get the epidural in. He was like, it was probably the worst moment of my life. And I'm like, I had such a good time. You know when you're like, sorry, were you even in the same?

He's like, were we in the same room? We in the same room together. He says I was, hi. Hi, as a Kate. I feel like saying sometimes, were you even there? Were you going through it? No, so shut up. Don't have an opinion on it.

Yeah. It's not about you. That's made me so happy. I love the ease. He's only just plucked up the courage. now. Of two years. Two years.

Listen, honey. He's been living with that secret. There's some shit I need to be telling you. I need to get this on my chest. Now she's sleeping through the night. Your foo-foo's recovered. Yeah. I got some things to be telling you.

You call me a useless hairy man child and a walrus in labour. Oh, that's brought me a lot of joy. So much joy. Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can, the email is hello at secretmumptod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. What wild insults did you throw around during childbirth? Or do you have a husband that breathes like a walrus?

Then let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.